Weddings of the 70s in Chechnya. Chechen wedding - traditions and customs. Event of special significance

29.09.2019

We all know that a Chechen wedding consists of a number of special rituals and rituals that are not always understandable to a Russian person. I suggest you look further on how a traditional Chechen wedding usually takes place and learn about some of the nuances that are observed during such weddings. Pretty interesting.

The peculiarity of Chechen wedding traditions is that they are observed with scrupulous accuracy, taking into account all the points passed down by ancestors from generation to generation. With minor changes, these festive rituals have survived in modern Chechen society. In the photo: family and friends take photographs of the bride as a keepsake in her parents' house in the village of Achkhoy-Martan before the upcoming wedding ceremony in the city of Grozny.

When the time comes to say goodbye to the stepfather's house, many brides cannot help crying. Despite the prevailing stereotype about Chechen marriages, it must be said that they are very democratic. Nobody marries a girl forcibly. This is primarily contrary to religious canons. Chechens generally have a delicate attitude towards girls, be it a daughter, sister, or just an acquaintance. All men are obliged to treat her with respect, respectively, respect her choice.

On the appointed day, as a rule, by noon, relatives and friends of her husband, young and old, among whom there is always a mullah, come for the girl. He must contact the girl's father (or his confidant) with a question about consent to this marriage. After talking with her father, the mullah goes to the girl with the same question. The mullah should talk to the girl in the presence of women who act as witnesses. It is desirable that they be adults and married. After the girl's consent to the marriage, the representative of the clergy asks to repeat the suras from the Koran after him. Later, he also speaks with the groom and witnesses on his part. This is how marriage is made.

The bride's parents do not go to the wedding and take minimal part in the celebration at home. Their daughter's wedding is a rather sad event for them.

The dowry and gifts prepared by the bride for the new family are taken by the groom's relatives and taken to the girl's new home.

The groom is not shown at the wedding. He sits in a room specially designated for him and his friends and has fun with them there. In the best traditions, he should not show himself even to his relatives, not to mention his parents, so the bride is taken out by his friend or close relative.

Usually, the bride's relatives delay the wedding procession, blocking the path with a burka or a rope stretched across the street - you need to pay a ransom to get through. Neighborhood children are trying in every possible way to get their share of the ransom, preventing the cars from leaving the bride's yard.

The groom's friends put on whole shows on the way to the wedding.

Modern Chechen weddings are often held in restaurants rather than at the groom's house. The celebration lasts three days and three nights, the first day of which is at the restaurant.

Only during the wedding ceremony does the girl meet almost all the relatives from the groom's side. Until that day, she often communicates only with the sisters of her future husband.

An integral part of the holiday is a feast and national dances, which continue on all three days of the wedding.

Guests come to the event with gifts for the newlyweds. Women donate everything needed in the household, including bed linen, dishes, as well as cuts of fabric, rugs. Men, as a rule, give money to the bride instead of gifts. This is a separate ceremony that, most likely, will never leave Chechen society.

Throughout the day, the bride stands in a corner prepared for her, where new relatives periodically approach her. She can sit down only with the permission of her sister-in-law and mother-in-law, who themselves must sit her somewhere away from the common tables.

Marriage in Chechnya is not just a union of a man and a woman, it is a union of two families, and families in the region are large. So the newlyweds cannot say in any way that the wedding is their own business. No, this is a public matter and even a political one. Perhaps that is why Chechen weddings are more often than others get into the news.

Acquaintance

Modern Chechen youth meet at universities, at work, at weddings.

It is very rare for parents to introduce young people, - says ethnographer, candidate of historical sciences Zalpa Bersanova. - Previously, a guy and a girl could look at each other at collective works (belkhi) and at parties (sinkjelram). Belkhi convened when the villagers needed help - to build a house, block the roof, process the harvest of garlic or corn. The owner prepared refreshments for the assistants, arranged dances - it was a real holiday of labor. Sinqelram is a “holiday of the soul”, where young people danced, met, competed in wit. Now traditions have almost died out, they are very rare, in the most patriarchal villages. Now young people are increasingly getting to know each other and communicate on the Internet.

Announcement of intent

Having decided to get married, the guy and the girl inform their relatives about it. The guy brings his mother a ring or a scarf, which the girl gave him as a sign of consent.

The future mother-in-law goes to the bride's mother and announces the good news. She, as a rule, already knows everything, but etiquette is etiquette, and she, waving her hands, says something in the spirit of "what a surprise, but so be it."

This pre-wedding visit is not considered mandatory if the young have agreed among themselves and the families are also not against their marriage, - Zalpa Bersanova notes. - But if the chosen one does not agree to marry or her family has doubts, the boy's mother goes to the girl's mother with a diplomatic mission.

Having agreed, the mothers of the families inform their husbands about the decision of the children. From this moment on, a complex mechanism called "Preparation for the wedding" is launched, even distant relatives are involved in it.

Matchmaking

The elders of the clan go to matchmaking the bride - two or three respected people from the groom's relatives.

They are his guarantors, and if the marriage breaks down through his fault, they will say that he disgraced them. Before, the elders were really responsible for the fate of the daughter-in-law in front of her relatives, today their function is rather formal, says the ethnographer.

Matchmakers usually come not to the girl's parents, but to the house of the elder of her family. If the owner sees fit, he invites the bride's father to talk. At the first visit, matchmakers are usually politely shown off under the pretext that you need to talk to the girl. They learn about her opinion with the help of women: mothers, sisters, daughters-in-law. If she agrees, on the second visit of the matchmakers, a wedding day is appointed.

It is not customary for Chechens, who adhere to traditions, to captive a girl. She is free to choose. But it happens that she has to obey the decision of her parents, contrary to her feelings.

Collection of suitcases

While the groom's family is counting potential guests and looking for a restaurant for the celebration, the bride starts the most important pre-wedding business - collecting suitcases. The expression “pack your bags” in Chechnya is used precisely to describe the process of buying and packing a dowry. Not to be confused with Dagestan - there the bridegroom's side collects and presents a suitcase for the bride.

The dowry consists of items of clothing, jewelry and gifts for the relatives of the future husband. Earlier, in times of lack of fashion and the presence of scarcity, the dowry was collected from the very birth of the daughter. Gold jewelry, fabric cuts, outerwear - all of this was bought or accepted as gifts from the closest relatives.

Now the process has become simpler, but the level of suitcase competition has greatly increased. The whole of Chechnya is discussing what brand of clothes the daughter of such and such bought as a dowry, how many boxes of gold were packed and where she got the fur coat.

We recently married our niece, ”says a resident of Grozny. - She had 7 suitcases and 12 huge gift bags. True, the bride was about 30 years old, she is after university, works in a good place, she bought herself everything she wanted. It is clear that by the age of 16, the bride is unlikely to collect so many things. She can generally be a dowry. But gifts must be brought to the father-in-law, mother-in-law, brothers and sisters of the groom.

Wedding outfit

A separate expense item is a wedding dress. Prices for its rental are from 30 thousand to infinity. The average is the amount of 100 thousand rubles.

And do not think that this is empty arrogance, the desire to amaze others.

A large family must uphold its reputation. And expensive weddings - no worse than those of a neighbor - also work for the image of a family. This is not bad, because a good family reputation is both an economic resource and a marriage resource. If you are rich, everyone is ready to give up their daughters for your son, ”notes Ekaterina Kapustina, head of the department of ethnography of the Caucasus at the Museum of Anthropology and Ethnography of the Russian Academy of Sciences.

Kalym

If a dowry is a thing, although necessary for prestige, but not obligatory, then the bride's ransom must certainly be.

Last year I married my younger brother, - says Aza, a Chechen woman. - The kalym included 50 thousand rubles, 25 packs of Greenfield tea, 25 packs of sugar, 5 kg of the best sweets. Now by the decision of the muftiate, the kalym has been limited. This is done so that even unemployed guys can start a family. Money should be up to 30 thousand rubles, products are completely excluded from kalym. Still, people want to please their new relatives, and they add tea, sugar, and sweets to the money. A ram can also enter the kalym, but it must be beautiful, with steep horns. People will laugh at the frail ram and say that the groom's parents are stingy.

Marriage

In ancient times, weddings were played in the fall and winter - after the harvest. Now the wedding season in Chechnya lasts all year round, interrupting only during the holy fast in the month of Ramadan.

It is not customary to register a marriage in a registry office on the wedding day in Chechnya. Young people will go there only after some time. There are families in which the husband and wife never put the cherished stamps in their passports, but this does not bother anyone. After all, the main witness to the creation of a new family is society.

And, of course, the clergy.

The legality of marriage is confirmed by the rite of passage of nikah. The mullah asks the bride and groom separately whether they agree to enter into this marriage or not. According to Sharia law, nikah is performed in the presence of one witness from each side. Recently, an innovation has appeared: the mullah requires a certificate from the bride and groom that they are not infected with HIV. Without these documents, a marriage cannot be concluded, - says Zalpa Bersanova.

Wedding

On the wedding day, relatives and friends of the groom get together and go to fetch the bride. A motorcade can have up to 20-50 cars. Their number does not always depend on the well-being of the groom. He may be poor, but he has many friends and relatives, and they all will definitely come to the wedding.

Only young people go to the bride's house. Having seated the girl and her closest relative in the best car, the procession goes to the place of the celebration, where the mother-in-law meets the bride. There are no relatives of the bride at the wedding.

For them, this is not at all such a holiday as for the groom's side. Previously, the bride was often seen off with tears: after all, she goes to someone else's house, sometimes to someone else's village, ”explains the ethnographer.

Guests dance lezginka, then take a break and refresh themselves, then dance again. This continues until the evening. All this time, the bride stands in a specially designated place for her away from the dances, listens to the groom's relatives, who come to congratulate her, wish her a happy family life and take a picture with her.

The bride doesn't dance. She can smile, but she shouldn't talk. With all her appearance, she must demonstrate maximum modesty.

The groom spends the whole celebration in a separate room with friends. His main task is not to be seen by older men of his kind.

This is the custom of avoidance, - explains Zalpa Bersanova. - Young people are prescribed to be ashamed of the fact that they will have a life together. Anything that can at least somehow hint at their closeness is considered indecent. This is the most important norm of behavior, and not only at a wedding. It would never occur to a girl to tell a guy about other men who paid attention to her or wooed her - this is immodest. A guy's friend will never praise the beauty of his bride, much less give her a compliment - for him she is something so forbidden that he cannot even think of her as a woman. Therefore, the bride does not dance - men should not admire her in the absence of her groom.

Untied tongue

Previously, weddings lasted three days. Now, when it is customary to hold them in banquet halls, there is one. After the feast, the bride is brought to the groom's house. The mother-in-law hands her candy to keep the relationship sweet. Then the bride is allowed to hold the child, usually a boy, so that her sons are born.

All this time, the girl should be silent - until the evening the ceremony of "unleashing the tongue" takes place. The groom's relatives and friends present gifts to the bride - most often money, ask questions, ask her for a glass of water and permission to drink this water - in general, they do everything to make the girl speak. The bride's behavior depends on her character and endurance - she may not supply water until the man puts the desired amount on the tray, or she may give her a drink for a symbolic gift. Usually, older relatives are served water at the first request and wish to “drink water for good”, while the groom's friends have to fork out and ask for permission to drink water for a long time.

Just don't suspect the bride of greed: she will still give the collected money to her mother-in-law.

Hike to the spring

On the second or third day, when the guests have dispersed, new relatives lead the bride to the spring in a cheerful crowd, if, of course, there is one nearby. For obvious reasons, this ritual is not performed in the city, but in the villages it is still popular.

A cake is thrown into the water, and one of the groom's relatives must shoot at it.

It is believed that a girl who first came to a spring may be trapped by a water one. The cake serves as bait, and the shot should kill him. After that, the bride can safely go to fetch water, - explains Zalpa Bersanova.

Meet the parents

But wedding rituals don't end there. A month later, and sometimes after two or three, the young wife, accompanied by her father-in-law and mother-in-law, goes to her father's house with gifts for her parents and relatives. The evening takes place in conversations at the festive table. This is the official acquaintance of the parents, and only after it can the girl visit her father's house and visit her relatives.

And finally, the visit of the young husband to his wife's parents. The date is set by the host, the guest has no right to ask to postpone the meeting to another time. On day X, the son-in-law comes accompanied by his sister, brother and close friend. He goes into the room where the table is set for the male half of the relatives, but cannot join the feast until he hears an invitation from the elder relative of his wife. Men can make fun of their son-in-law, and he must endure everything steadfastly and silently. After tasting the treat, he leaves a present on the table, most often money.

All this time, women in another part of the house are waiting for their son-in-law to be brought in to meet them. A difficult test awaits a man. They can put salted food on him, tie the laces of his shoes or say: "We thought you were prettier."

In the old days, men in no way made fun of their son-in-law, only women, - says Zalpa Bersanova. “They could take him to the chicken coop instead of the house where the table is set, they could pour honey into his shoes. Therefore, the rule was established that the son-in-law may not take off his shoes. He must react very restrainedly to all this bullying. After all, his patience and endurance, which are so necessary in family life, are being tested. But you can laugh it off, and the sons-in-law try to give witty answers to all the comments of the "hospitable" relatives.

Well forgotten new

Wedding rituals, like other ceremonies, change over time, adapting to new living conditions. Usually they are regulated by the community, but in modern Chechnya they are regulated by the authorities. For this, a special wedding protocol has been developed. Ramzan Kadyrov criticized the habit of young Chechens to celebrate their weddings by shooting weapons into the air. The local culture ministry has ruled that the bride must not cut the wedding cake, wedding guests must be exceptionally sober, and young girls cannot dance lezginka with their heads uncovered.

Traditions are changing, something is leaving, something is being transformed, it is strange to assume that the current traditions of the Chechen people have been unchanged for centuries, says Ekaterina Kapustina. - There are some attitudes that are more important or more archaic, more stable, there are signs of the times. For a researcher, this is not a significant question - culture is alive, it develops, including in the spirit of the times. But for the authors of national projects, it is important to codify traditional culture in the form of a historical monograph or a republican law - who has what resources. For ordinary people, their local tradition is becoming traditional, which may differ even within the framework of such a mono-ethnic Chechnya.

The story of 17-year-old Louisa Goilabieva, whom Guchigov, the head of the Nozhai-Yurtovskiy ROVD, married, seems to have ended.

The girl is going to get married voluntarily - well, at least voluntarily as much as it is generally possible in the Caucasus. In an interview, recorded on video, she is cheerful, confident and does not look like a victim intimidated by threats, as Novaya Gazeta tried to present to us. Throwing in with an attempt to denigrate what is happening in Chechnya failed.

Let me remind you the chronology of events, which I followed with interest:

On April 30, 2015, a journalist from Novaya Gazeta cried out that her fellow villagers of 17-year-old Goilabieva had turned to her for help. They said that Nazhud Guchigov set up posts throughout the village and issued an ultimatum to his relatives: to give him a girl on May 2 for a wedding ceremony. In case of refusal, he threatened to take her away by force.

Goilabieva's friends began to break into Ramzan Kadyrov's Instagram, but their messages were deleted.

The editors of Novaya Gazeta immediately began calling the culprit of the scandal, Guchigov. According to the correspondents, the policeman swore by oath that he had been married for a long time and had no plans for a girl.

But already on May 5, in Ramzan Kadyrov, at a meeting of the Chechen government, he announced that the wedding was to take place on May 10, and the family's consent was obtained.

The scandal turned out to be a big one, at first public figures got involved. Ombudsman Ella Panfilova appealed to Ramzan Kadyrov with a demand to prohibit Guchigov from marrying Goilabieva.

Children's Ombudsman Pavel Astakhov announced that he was going to visit Chechnya to deal with women's rights. Vitaly Milonov appealed directly to the Minister of Internal Affairs of Russia Kolokoltsev with a demand to deal with the moral character of the head of the Nozhai-Yurt District Department of Internal Affairs of Chechnya.

Of course, LifeNews journalists flocked to such a story, and then everything fell into place: the girl was not forced to marry at all, she is calmly going to get married and does not at all look like a victim intimidated by threats. An interview with her and her relatives is possible.

The reports of checkpoints in the village of Goilabieva surprised the villagers, and the scandal itself, apparently, was provoked by a relative of Louise Yakha Goilabieva, who wanted to introduce the girl to another guy:

I wanted to introduce her to another guy. It so happened that I was offended by her because she did not agree. And I told my friend, I didn't know that it would go so far. I am sorry for that. How it got to the journalists, I don't know, I didn't want that. I didn’t post it on the Web. My girlfriend did it. I don't know how it happened.

The journalist of Novaya Gazeta, who brewed the buchu, disappeared from the radar and does not want to talk to anyone.

In general, this whole story turned out to be an attempt to once again throw a shit on Chechnya, provoke a public outcry and expose Kadyrov to the federal center.

No, just a minute: despite the fact that the girl is getting married voluntarily, the law is not violated, it is still wild for me that a 17-year-old child will become the wife of either a 57-year-old or a 46-year-old man. He guarded the school where the girl was taking her final exams, and then he called her - this moment is unpleasant for me. The girl will have to sleep with a person who is three times her age.

But let's stop here and remember that the concept of the normality of a situation is different for different peoples.

Ramzan Kadyrov, not distinguished for his eloquence, asked on his Instagram:

“Many people know Viktor Erofeev. A smart, wise man ... My wife is 40 years younger. And Andrei Konchalovsky is 36 years older than his wife. Vladimir Shainsky is only 41 years old. Gradsky - for 33 years, Gordon - for 30 years, Dibrov - for 31 years. And everyone's beloved Alla Pugacheva took Maxim Galkin as her husband, who is 27 years younger. And happy! No one is outraged by this, no one demands checks from the Investigative Committee and the Prosecutor's Office. "

And this thought, which Ramzan could not clearly express, made me think about it. But really, why are we not surprised by the English Sir Elton John, who has a husband? Why do not their homosexual traditions, dating back to Edward II, revolt us, and we consider them normal?

Why does the elderly grandmother of Pugachev, who already has what kind of Galkin, does not surprise us?

The world is diverse. The English aristocracy has its own traditions. In our "secular" get-together there are others, in the Caucasus there are still others. Do we have the right to condemn them? To raise a fuss about people's personal lives, to make a police officer lie about their intentions in fear, to make excuses for the head of the region? And without that, everyone has already been bothered by attempts to demonize Chechnya.

The main thing is that there is no violence. And to climb with your charter into a strange monastery, even if we don't like its order, is still unacceptable. How do you think?

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