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The child learns if the child is constantly criticized. Excessive fatigue of the child. Perception of criticism of the child

How to talk to the child and how to behave in the company of your child. Our thoughts and deeds are largely dependent on what others say. The statements contributing to the improvement of self-esteem also contribute to the development of sickness of responsibility. In his book, "Education of self-esteem - the family of the family" Jin Illesley Clark allocates four types of messages, for each of which is characterized by their style of communication and relationships.

There are four types of statements: kinking, structural, criticizing and consulting. The first two types help the development of self-assessment and responsibility. The first two helps the development of self-esteem and sense of responsibility. Others prevent their child's development. Caring names give people confidence that they are loved by talented. Constructive - provide information to become lucky and capable. Criticizing statements report that the person does not cope with the task and it was necessary to act differently. The consolations tell the children that life is complex and can not always succeed to the successful statements - this is a skipping type of messages, only with the sign "-". Outwardly, they are quite congestion, but in essence they are preparing to defeat. Accordingly, criticizing statements are a constructive type of messages with a sign "-". The information concluded in them suggests how to be a loser, and not how to succeed! It is very easy to understand the difference between the types of expressions. Therefore, it is so easy to learn to talk to the child and behave in his surroundings.

Any information can be presented in a positive key. Often parents use comforting utterances, what to get a child, but their words do not give the desired result. This can be corrected: Mentally imagine that your child succeeds, and start talking to him as if he had a little matured and his successes were noticeable. You can use such words as: "We grow", "study", "grow up". For example, instead of "Why can't you remove your clothes?" May be sounded: "I am glad that you hung our new dress into the wardrobe. Soon you will already throw dirty clothes in the basket for linen. " And yet how to talk to the child correctly, is it possible to criticize it and scold? We will understand further.

Is it possible to criticize children

Criticism is often aimed at showing children that they did wrong, and push them to change behavior; However, it rarely works. What will happen if the child is constantly criticized? Avoid consuming words like "always", "never" - they deprive you of the opportunity to notice when your child will really show responsibility. Children are not all done badly, but if their successes remain unnoticed, they often come to the conclusion that they should not try. Usually parents prefer to tell the child how to do better. If it is difficult for you to come up with something encouraging for a child, refer to the brief recommendations (in the annex). Performing an exercise 2-5, try to turn the criticizing statement into constructive.

Frame traps for a child. Some completely ordinary words lure the children in the "trap", forcing them to stumble or even go from the right path. These include such phrases as "I forgot", "it was random" or "this is not my wines." With their help, it is easy to justify your irresponsibility. If such answers facilitate the child's life, it will use them more and more often. Adults often encourage the use of such excuses that they do not react to them properly. Frame traps need to oppose a strict answer requiring responsible behavior. Here are some examples.

Listening to them say, children receive information about how to behave. They can also be responsible, and irresponsible behavior. We hope you taught how to learn to talk to the child and what will happen if the child is constantly criticized.

Methodical recommendations of the social teacher teachers of primary classes and parents
Recommendations in the event of voltage in communication
  1. Show natural attention to the interlocutor, goodwill, tolerance, friendliness.
  2. Keep calmly, not lose self-control. Speaking is concise, slightly slower, if the interlocutor is too excited.
  3. Install contact with eyes and try not to lose it.
  4. To give the interlocutor to understand that you understand his condition (get closer to lean towards him).
  5. Recognize your guilt, if objectively so is there.
  6. It is possible to try to show the interlocutor tactfully, in what you think it is also wrong.
  7. Show that you are interested in solving the problem of the interlocutor, cooperation with him, you will support it if it does not contradict the interests of the case.
Recommendations when working with capricious and stubborn children
  1. Ask yourself a question, whether the child imites you. Sometimes we thoroughly react to the actions of the child, resembling our own, because we know our shortcomings too well.
  2. Do not get a child, do not push it away. Do not read long notations for each occasion. Make your own with brief and simple instructions.
  3. Think whether the behavior of a child with too long staying in front of the TV is not connected.
  4. Think if the child does not stimulate an excess activity. Some children require a bridge between the limiting activity and the time of quiet games. They benefit soothing classes.
  5. Most children "develop" their whims, as soon as they learn to clearly express their desires.
  6. Sometimes children are capricious and stubborn before the start of the disease or during recovery.
  7. Instead of responding only to the unlawful behavior of the child, try to identify cases of good behavior and reward the child with arms, kisses and praise.
Recommendations when working with hyperactive children
  1. Accurate diagnosis of the disease is necessary on the basis of identifying causes and pathogenesis.
  2. It is necessary to physically hardening the child.
  3. The organization of collective competitions of a competitive nature is necessary to remove the lethargy of the child's movements, to interest him.
  4. It is necessary to train action techniques in various activities, it is also necessary to diversify the types of self-service.
Recommendations for communicating with waged children
  1. Your goal is to help the child control their impulses and explain why such behavior is unacceptable. You must teach a child to learn to ask for permission, and not just take the subject to him.
  2. If you need to find out the child what happened, put the question as follows: "Masha's pencils disappeared, and Elena Ivanovna believes that you could take them. Is that true?"
  3. If the child admits that he took someone else's thing, praise him for its original confession, and then explain the consequences of such a act. If he dens his guilt, do not blame him in a lie, and ask insistently. Do not search the child. Give him the opportunity to think about my words. Perhaps he will say that "found" this thing. Explain to the child that one thing to dispose of your things, but completely different - take strangers without permission.
  4. Children are not too skillfully hide the information, so you are in question persistently. Truth can gradually emerge after leading questions.
  5. Do not expect that after one conversation, the challenges will immediately cease. The assimilation of such rules requires repeat.
  6. Sometimes children steal if they seem to be neglected, they treat them unfairly or that adults are too pressing on them. So children need to feel that they matter, they need praise.

If you are a mother or dad, you, of course, have experience assessing your child. You scold him or praise it - they still evaluate, that is, take your opinion and judgment as an authoritative. Why do parents criticize children so often and what to do about it?

Parents led Paul for a consultation when he was in the second grade. He is full, even a loose boy. From the first class classmates, he is called "mattress". Mom looks at his son and says: "Here, he led to our elephant. He began closed, he began to study worse. The teacher recommended to refer to the psychologist." Paul, when Mom called him "Elephant", squeezed and blushed. Mom of this, however, did not notice. I asked if she often calls him. "What is this? I am loving! We are all full of family. I believe that a good person should be a lot! - Mom laughs and immediately sighs. - Yes, and I can not refuse him in the Slavs, he is so sad after school ".

Having left alone, Pasha says that in the class it is teased, he worries, parents stopped complaining, since they do not consider his feelings important and repeat one thing: "Yes, it's all this." At home, too, there is little support, my mother only gives sweets in consolation, and it does not add confidence. On the second meeting comes Pope, who is immediately self-made: "We have a mother up in education." And the Pasha speaks so much so much, as Dad is important to him, communication with him! And here's the Son and Father received a task: find sports that they like, and start studying together. Dad even exhaled joyfully: "I love different sports, just a son, it seems, it is not interesting, he has such a rookha." The son from these words again pulled his head into the shoulders ... It turns out a double signal from the parents: on the one hand, it is unhappy with how the son looks, and on the other hand, they do not help it change. After a few months of classes in swimming and football, the guy flourished, pulled up, in the class ceased to call him, friends appeared. Mom just began to complain that he stopped feeling necessary. But this is the question that your mother needs to decide, so as not to overlook the discontent with his life on the child.

Criticism in salvation

"And how to be, if he does nothing himself, all the time you have to customize, criticize, compare with others, to start learning, helping the house?" So, when does this critic start starting?

The child is born, causing universal joy and love, begins to grow and something often sick. In the heads of mom and a dad thought: "In good parents, children do not often get sick." And there is a feeling of irritation on the child: "Not like that I would like ..."

At school, the success of the child is beginning to evaluate not only close people, but also society - classmates, teachers. How to learn how to build relationships with other children, how does the lessons behave? This is a very sensitive period for the formation of self-esteem in the life of a child, as he is infinitely believed to first teacher, even sometimes more than parents. The opinion of the teacher is more important.

"And what remains me?" After all, I don't have anyone! " - "But criticism helps?" "For a while," Mom sighs, "and then everything comes back again. Well, at least for a while touched." And it turns out that the man grows, whom he did something, need to criticize or scare. The prospect of becoming a responsible adult and a good professional is Mala.

How to be?

Homework parents

Remember how you criticized the significant adults in childhood, which reaction it caused from you if the estimated judgments helped you to open up adults and do what they are asked. Sometimes such memories help us to realize that we were also children, and it is better to understand our own heirs. By the way, it can not be at all easy memories. If they still affect you, your life, it is better to deal with this without passing these messages to children. Just share with the baby, tell us about some moments from your childhood.

When a child is already studying, pay attention to what he comes from school, as his teacher is assessed, which he says, as classmates call. It is important to notice changes in behavior in time and talk to a schoolboy, support him. To think that it can help him change his behavior, develop the qualities that will allow better and easier to learn, communicate, to know the world, to be healthy, active and open.

Childhood whims, their bad behavior and pranks sometimes lead the internal indicator of the parent's wrath into the state of activity. Moms shout, dad shout. As a result, the problem, as a rule, does not leave, but the nervous system of adults has already suffered as a child's psyche. Maybe you should look for reasons? Is it possible to do this? Perhaps the behavior of the child is not so bad and does not deserve aggression? And maybe it's about you? A small advice, how not to scream to a child, and is it possible at all.

You probably scold yourself every time you scribble on the child. And again ask yourself the question "For what I will increase my voice at him?", "Why do I bring my most beloved little man to tears?", "Do I do?" If the child is shacking for sallness, that is, it obviously deliberately causes you suffering, then you should turn to the children's psychologist - here the constant conflicts will only aggravate the situation, and the psychologist will help them figure it out. Well, if accidentally? Due to age? Internal state? How to stop constantly swearing?

How not to shout on a child: reasons for the child

Have you ever thought about your behavior? For example, you wash the dishes and break the circle. Silently collect fragments and with the words "it's for happiness" throw them away. But if your child drops the same mug, then in many cases will follow "why do you go?!", "Be careful", "I asked (a) not to touch my things." This happens without clarifying the reason, not trying to keep yourself, without taking into account the randomness of the situation, and just the fact that your child is still small to be clever and skillful as you, he did not have time to learn to be as attentive as possible.

In addition to age, there are other reasons why the behavior of children will deteriorate, and they cannot contain the consequence of such a disorder.

You demand too much

If your personal achievements are great, it does not mean that it is worth waiting for children of the same. In addition, over the expectation and persistent influence on the achievement of the goals you have to have a children's psyche, as a result of which you will cease to get confidence. He is nervous due to failure and behaves badly, splashing negative energy. In this case, the dilemma, how not to shout on the child, rests on your own ambitions - it is impossible to equate your abilities to what another person has, especially the kid.

You incorrectly raising

Too strictly or too gently, too much a lot of balushet or inadequately react, they themselves are unable to keep themselves in some cases, practicing continuous control over each step. You can analyze your pedagogical approach - imagine that you yourself are a good psychologist.

Excessive child fatigue

And he is unable to keep it. If he goes to a kindergarten or school, after on optional classes, in the evening for compulsory training, and then sleep and again in a circle, do not be surprised that you suffer permanent breakdowns. Fatigue Even an adult spoils the mood, and what a child! Unload it, give more time on personal affairs and rest.

Desire to show your "I"

Almost every child passes the formation of a person through conflicts. Someone has imperceptible ordinary, and someone faces the notes "I left the house" or an abandoned toy in you. The parent need to become an ally of his Chad, can not be screaming. Wants an extreme hairstyle? Support. If you suspect bad habits (swear by mat, smokes), try to help asserted in something useful. Excellent option - sport, raising skills in your favorite business. The dog, in the end, boil - let it walk away.

Conflicts at home

If parents often increase each other, it is strange to wait about the child that he will be obedient and diligent. It depends on the atmosphere in the family, it depends very much - it is impossible to scream on each other when children, do not give a bad example, because this may be one serious consequence in the form of broken childhood.

Such heredity

As the children's psychologists say often, who parents complain about the rebellion of their children, the character develops from the ancestors bricks. Yes, it is all individual, but most likely, if you think, you will find a lot of similarities in the behavior of a child with you in childhood or with grandparents.

Children often behave badly when they get sick. The reason may be mental injury (the divorce of the parents, moving, the change of kindergarten or school, the loss of loved one). Perhaps the baby can not cope with something (build a castle, put the lace and a lot of things), which is nervous and incompresses, even shouting on adults. It will be right for parents to deal with the cause of the problem before starting screaming to the baby or, especially, to punish physically. It is impossible to apply force to the child only because he did not reach the soup or dropped the vase - instead of not holding himself, first disperse.

How not to shout on a child: causes from parents

When the nerves are nerves, and the child suffers, it is unfair. Just take control of your condition. Sit, relax, ask yourself a few questions.

Firstly, fatigue can affect nervous. And then, whatever the kid would do, it will seem for you that he is wrong. Psychological fatigue has the most influence. For example, you are preparing to an important meeting, think much, build action plans. Coming home, immediately go to the kitchen to feed the family, and additionally mentally analyze the day. Recreation comes only at night. Let you agree to pull yourself out, but as a result of this, incontinence and unreasonable cry on a child is a mistake.

Secondly, it may be very guilty of permanent abreast of anger on another person. You are angry with your colleague, mom, husband, and shout and shout on the child. Indeed, to whom else to break?! He can't answer, give delivery. Solve the problem of your relationship outside the house and family hearth. At least it is necessary to learn how to restrain and turn off the thoughts and emotions in relation to the sources of aggression in the moments of stay with the child, think about the consequences.

Thirdly, the tendency to scold and shouting on a child may be against the background of guilt before him, as psychologists assure. For example, you carefully follow the health of the baby, and he has triggered. Your hypertension makes itself felt, you are indigrant, what and where they missed. From here the nervous system suffers, and you show your anxiety in screaming and accusations, unable to restrain the offense for your "uniformity", and puzzle as not to scream to the child.

Fourthly, psychologists often note that many parents, especially moms, after the birth of the child, change their lives, limiting communication with the outside world, refusing themselves in their previous pleasures. There is anger on the child, it is subconsciously perceived as a load, burden. Just learn to relax, find the strength to leave the baby in the safe hands of grandmothers, nannies, and live a full life of a healthy and beautiful woman. Happy and satisfied mom, who will not shout for anyone, without thinking about the consequences, will be much more pleasant for the child.

If a child often scold

Imagine that you will continue to act on the nervous system by various factors: they will bring out of themselves, they will bring to tears, they will be offended. Children's psyche is so vulnerable that the slightest wrong step can lead to its incorrigible distortion. A swearing child with regularity, no reason and about, you risk hanging a lot of complexes on it, making a closed person in the future.

Children perceive a cry and swear literally, they are not able to really criticize the behavior of parents in a very young age. It turns on the thought "if they scold, it means I'm bad, I did something wrong." And so from once at times, day after day. They feel incomplete, unable and pitiful. Look for compromises, establish a relationship. It does not work independently - consult a psychologist. It is important to find out for yourself in time, how not to shout on the child and influence its condition.

Rules SSOR: how not to scream to a child

Observe important rules when you scold a child for something:

  • The punishment must be justified. The reason for swearing is coming to the kid in the most accessible form.
  • It is best to do with the punishment of common phrases like "do it impossible", "people hurt when they beat them," if children are fighting, nobody is friends with them. " Going on the personality, you risks to hear insults and in your address.
  • Do not scold a child at all. If the conflict occurred on the street, say quietly, as if in secret from the rest of others. It is not necessary to come home and defiantly inform about the conflict of the rest of the family.
  • Communicate on equal. Child needs to give the opportunity to speak, prove its right. You should not swear and say that right, because older or because you are a mom or dad.

At the end I would like to note that the fact of what you started to conceive, how not to scream to the child, talking about your sincere desire to correct the situation, learn how to get along with the child. Start by yourself, study your habits. Maybe you are taking a bad example, rudely talking on the phone, in a fit of the feelings of things, without noticing. Adjust the atmosphere in the house, create a comfort. For those parents who are looking for and be able to find a compromise, happy and psychologically healthy children grow.

She grew up in good, cultural, family and everything in her childhood was wonderful, except for one "but". Her mother, being a man, very intelligent did not know that her merciless criticism of his daughter turned out for a girl a bunch of problems in the future adult life. According to my girlfriend, she always considered himself a man of the second variety, because that would be neither doing, her parental was almost always pleased with her. The result of such a critical education did not consist of personal life and career, with quite good external and intellectual data.

If you look into an explanatory dictionary, you can make sure that the criticism is a negative opinion about anything or any of the shortcomings.

What can the consequences of constant crying on children be described in the article: why it is impossible to raise a voice to a child.

Think about - why do we want to tell the child for its shortcomings? Of course, in order for our child to refuse ineffective behaviors and acquired new, more efficient ways to interact with others.

But very often parents are judged about the ineffectiveness of the behavior of their children in a hurry, perhaps a minute emotion. In this regard, the question arises: and the judges who? After all, those "shortcomings", which some parents are trying to "combat" sometimes not at all. And if you look at, sometimes even the advantages that the child could be proud of. For this, I will take the Council: Before you criticize, think if it is possible to do without criticism. If you even doubt you: criticize or not, it is better to refrain from criticism.

It turns out that criticism is constructive and destructive. The second causes strong damage to the psyche of the child, lies his dignity, deprivates confidence in himself and grow in the child the complexes of inferiority.

When you use criticism in communicating with your child, then it is necessary to clearly understand how this criticism does it perform a creative role, does it perform a specific question to solve whether it helps to understand a new one, whether the child does not hurt ...

Often we are confident that only constructively criticized. Of course, we want a good child, we want to help. Such criticism, constructive, can be useful. But with all good intentions with criticism, it is necessary to be very neat.

If your upbringing is abounding criticism, you risk becoming turned into a child's eyes in the forever displeased parent. In this case, children do not perceive the parent, can become rude, thus demonstrating a protective reaction.

Criticing the child correctly!

How to criticize the child, what would he be offended and perceived everything right? I want to repeat that it is necessary to resort to criticism only when it is actually necessary. Prohibit yourself prophylactic criticism. I hold the rules with my children: let them learn something slower than lose faith in themselves and that I will always help them. I believe that the child must constantly feel parental love, and then when he is successful and when he makes mistakes.

Respect the identity of the child, observe the inviolability of his personality. Evaluate only the actions that the child committed, and not the child himself. For example, instead of words: "You are stupid", tell me "You did not wisely."

Do not get your baby in the presence of other people, avoid comparisons with others. Do not express your child negatively in a conversation with another person with him, such a mistake can turn into a rather serious psychological injury for a child, while you can never know about it. Use positive humor. Humor helps to discharge the situation and save the world in relations.

Get the opportunity to a child after your criticism to correct the errors. Advance the baby praise: "I'm sure you will succeed" "You can".

Do not communicate with the child in an ordinary tone, do not rine it up, it humiliates. And even more so do not apply violence! Understand, if your criticism is like an order, it naturally raises a desire to rebel, cry - and this is the normal reaction of his personality to humiliation.

Remember, your child is the colossal world of emotions, creative undertakings, experiences, despair, joys and entertainment. Love your baby as it is. Not for something, but simply because it is. Remember that the actions of the child is a mirror of your own behavior, think about where and what you do, so for which as a result criticize your child.

Understand that the child is not property, this is a person, and this personality you must respect and reckon with his opinion, even if you don't like it. Look for ways to explain to the child what it is not right in terms of logic, quietly and competently.