How does a man behave when wants to return? Divorce: how to understand that your former man does not want to return the husband wants to return i don't want

25.12.2020

My love story began when I was 22 years old. After graduating from the university, I got a job in a large company, at work I got acquainted with a man who immediately began to show marks attention to me. A year later, he invited me on a date.

That day I was so bored, and I decided to go on a date with him, then I didn't even think that I would start with him, as a man didn't attract me so much, at that moment I liked another young man . After a friendly date, he began to seek the flowers, wrote from 6:00 am SMS. And for a whole year he cared for me. I have always shy him, and he is 15 years older than me. He told me very little about my life, I slowly began to get used to him, he gave me good advice. The site when I was 23 years old, he suggested marry him. I immediately refused, said that I was not ready, and that the near future 2 I do not plan to get married.

I was originally honest with him, I told him that I am not going to meet him, but he did not lag behind, every day came, it happened that I didn't want to see him, but he still came and sat under the window. So a year passed, and we began to meet, and I decided to change the work, since it could not work with him because of our relationship. I do not know, it was love with me or already what I got used to him. When we started seriously meeting with him, he said that he had the first marriage, there is a daughter, divorced with his wife for more than 10 years. After 1, 5 years I got pregnant, then we have not lived together. The man immediately changed after this news that he would have a child, he began to lead to me brazenly, began to swear with me, and we decided to get married with the site.

As soon as I moved to him, he began to swear with me, say, that I have a lot of it, that I do not save the light that I do not give him to sleep that I go to the toilet all night. So we started scandals every day, I became the most terrible for him, he humiliated me to affect (Drak) and I was in a position then. I do not know why he changed so much, after the next scandal I went to my parents. His father said: "Nothing terrible, he always has such breakdowns, sometimes he becomes unbalanced." This spoke his native father. Later he came after me, we came up, he said that I was withdrawing it myself, although the opposite was always vinyl.

For the sake of the child, I decided to reconcile with him, but I asked me to visit my parents, he agreed. I gave birth to a daughter, and he waited for his son was dissatisfied that her daughter was born. I was so offensive and hurt, I did not know what to do. I came from the maternity hospital and it all started back. The scandals began, his child annoyed him, the site he went to his friends spending the night, because the daughter cried and did not let him sleep. I suffered, silent, but everything got worse. His father began to interfere, say that I expel his son, and he walks with friends spending the night. I complained to relatives that I was not so good, it was very much not pleasant, and when my daughter turned 2 months old, I left him. I waited for it to help our child, but he did not help and did not ask him how his child, what she needs. Six months have passed, no call nothing from him, and I filed an alimony. I was hoping until the last that he was an adult man, who was more than 40 years old, would go to the child, but I was mistaken.

After I started receiving alimony, the father of the child appeared and began to say that he loves me and daughter that he needed a family. It's a shame that he did not want to see his child grows: the first teeth, the first words, the first steps, he did not see anything and did not ask. Now my beloved daughter a year old, relatives of the site say that for the sake of the child you need to save the family. I want a full-fledged family. But I was disappointed in this man. Now my husband, I don't even know, it is worth calling his husband, now we needed to be needed that he wants a family, asks me to officially refuse to alimony, that he promises to help, and says that I ruined him reputation. I do not know, it is necessary to converge with this person, but it hurts me very much, I can not understand sincere words of him that he needs a family or not.

In the article you will learn:

What if a former guy wants to return the relationship?

Hi, my favorite readers.

If you step on a rake - they will hurt! Therefore, do not lose your head and make the right choice. Especially when a former guy wants to return relations and invites you start all over again. Here you need to think many times before agreeing. However, if it is reasonable to figure out, then it is quite realistic to take the right decision. How to do it - read further.

Usually how they reason: if the guy got drawn, i understand what kind of diagram lost And begs you to return, you can easily go to him! But we, cute ladies, also participate in obtaining the result that we have. Therefore, it is necessary to take into account many factors before making a decision. But first things first.

How to make the right choice

So, what to do if a former guy offers to start first. To start not to panic! Somewhere in the depths of the soul, we know exactly what will happen: we will move, come or married.
And seriously, try to realize how do you feel about this person to yourself, your joint past and what you personally want in the future. After all, how many incorrect solutions are accepted, because you are "jamble" unconscious offensive and lubricated pride, pride and reluctance to compromise!
And maybe a banal mood and loneliness.

Remember how Carrie Bradshow: "I missed him missed. He is a man, I am a drunk woman. This evening we are created for each other. "

Therefore, I offer you an excellent reception that will help to sort out yourself, your emotions will save your emotions. It is based on approval: Corrected question - half solved! And this is the case, because in the process of the answer you can illuminate, sudden awareness, so-called insights. Thanks to which you are clear and clearly see your past experience, which is happening in the present and what to expect in the future. Therefore, proceed.

Questions for making a decision

Prepare in writing to fix the answers to the following questions:

Family is an art (I am married)

It is more dangerous that the enemy who pretends to another

I love you, Dexter, I love very much, but I don't like you ...

It happens that we are sincerely open and trust a person who does not deserve it. How not to give yourself offense and when need to be alened?
In the soul and thoughts to the guy do not climb, but there are completely understandable and objective signs for which you determine that the guy fools your head and his desire to return is not worth your attention.:

your meetings, he arranges in the evenings in the setting, which has intent. Most likely, the reason for return is the lack of sex and no more
he says a lot like he is poor one. Perhaps the search for meetings with you - flight from loneliness, and not interest in you
he periodically asks you about some services. Mutual is a natural manifestation of concern for each other. But if requests are frequent and bring you inconvenience, think about it - perhaps you use. Especially if you have money
his words diverge with the case: promises one thing, but does another
does what you harm or categorically you are not approved
chief Sign - it consists in relationships With another woman.

When partners really want to be together, they are sincerely interested in each other, care, seek to spend together time, mutually take into account interests and protect the feelings. In the rest of the same cases, as you can see it is worth firmly think about the true motives of the return of a person from the past.

In happiness no illusions if he is married

And finally, I want to warn you, cute ladies, in no case do not renew the connection if your friend has shown interest in you and the desire to return, but he is married. This is not a manifestation of fate, but temptation. You go down and hurt another woman. As they say, karma then do not wash.
And even lowering the moral side, look truth in the eye: units of men go away from their wives. After all, they are not so emotional as women and enough calculating. Therefore, the most likely development of events for you - you will stay in the status of the mistress for life.

No one becomes a friend of a woman if it can be her lover.

Look for your happiness, try and do not regret anything! With you there was a joon.
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Hello Dear Blog readers Self-thrustballs!

"Faced with such a situation, a woman, she is experiencing, then calms down and suddenly this former wants to return to it again. It is worth it to take or drive away from myself? " -writes Zhanna.

"My former wants to return after he left me to another girl. They were together for two years, then they broke up, she went somewhere to learn, now returned and began to call him. He told me that he could do something here, as they were happy together. After 3 months, he suddenly began to call me, at first just asked how it was doing. Then he called again, say what he thinks only about me. I still miss him and love. But I'm afraid that if I take it now, everything will repeat again, but I will be even more painful. Advise how to behave? " - Writes Victoria.

Why we cannot let go of past relationships see →.

The biggest mistake that couples can make after the break - just again fall. They mistakenly believe that if their feelings are still stronger, the second attempt to be together can work. Most do not try to understand what actually happened between them and what changes are needed. They just converge from the place where they broke up and continue.

They try to restart the relationship that did not exist before. But to repeat the same thing again and wait for a different result is the definition of madness and insaneness.

When you get milk from the refrigerator and discover that it is spoiled, you do not put it back, hoping that tomorrow will it become fresh? You want to get fresh milk and get rid of spoiled.

The practice of family psychology shows that relations in the second round work only under the condition if partners are:

became other people compared to those who were at the time of parting;
preserved the qualities that attracted them to each other earlier;
they begin to build relationships from scratch, and not just blind on the place where they diverged.

Psychological trap - the return of the lost

Although I always urge to look for positive parties in any situation, but now I have to recommend the opposite. If the former wanted to return, ignore the positive from its appearance and look for a negative. This approach will save you from repeated frustration and injuries, will show what is happening in the complete perspective.

It is very easy to get into the psychological trap, if your feelings are still strong and you have not yet met a new love. Your wound is still fresh and hurts, and it seems that the return of the former is the best medicine.

If you have a sense of emotional loss, then you want to return the lost and gain the former condition. But this actually means the transition to the past, which is impossible. Yes, and is there any point in this?

If some life path led you to disappointment and pain, then why return it again? Probably, it makes sense to go different expensive, avoiding past mistakes. And then the question will be in the path whether you with the former.

Causes of Care and Returns

Is there a second chance with the former who wanted to return? It depends on the motives of its act. You can assume that it led him back conscious and proldering decision to associate his future with you, but in fact, they can move completely unsuitable, unpleasant motives.

Let's look at a few examples:

1.Poisk convenient options and reluctance to apply efforts

I will give an example from personal experience. Once upon a time I began to develop a meeting with one cavalier, but suddenly he decided to try again with his ex-girlfriend, who wanted to come together again. We broke up, and after a few months he appeared, saying that he did not work with her girlfriend. I continued to communicate with him in a friendly, and soon he told me that he wanted to try to find happiness with a colleague, which admitted to him in love.

Then he moved to working in another city, left a colleague and began to meet with a local woman, because she is always under the side and do not need to drive anywhere. So in his entire strategy, one line was traced - so that it was simple, comfortable and without extra costs.

Such a person can return to you, just because it is so easier for him than to look for someone else. What should he dial your phone number and say what is missing and thinking about you? You are already familiar, there is something formed between you, there is no need to start everything from scratch. If he is not accepted, he will simply call the next and so on. If you accept it, he will leave you again when the more convenient option comes.

2. Fears and psychological immaturity

I remembered the story that happened to our neighbor. After the year of marriage, her husband left to buy diapers with her son and did not return. Disabled the phone and did not even want to explain. Neighbor filed for divorce. A year later, he knocked on her door.

- "Why did you throw us?" She asked.

- "It was hard because of the child, you paid little attention to me, I was afraid that it would always be so. But I was not bad without you, "he replied.

Men of this type can not understand what they need in life, they are characterized by irrational fears, the inability to cope with responsibility and overcome daily difficulties, infantality, uncertainty of their goals and desires. In other words, such people can not rely on, they are unreliable and unpredictable. With them you risks after a while again get a unpleasant surprise

3. Influence of third parties

The partner leaves you under the influence of Mom, relatives and friends, but then understands that was not right. And the question arises: how much is he susceptible to influence? Is it capable of making independent decisions? Is there a guarantee that he will not give in pressure of the authority again?

4. Life circumstances

In my practice there were stories when men were forced to disperse with their beloved due to some factors dependent on them: relocation, child's illness or parent, complex financial problems, loss of work. They believed that they could not offer themselves until they had unresolved problems. Later, when their lives began to enter the usual bed, they wanted to return. Some such steam has improved again.

There may also be other wide variety of reasons that pushed the man to retire, depending on its unique circumstances and personal characteristics.

So, if the former who threw you wants to return:

Do not give in to the first delight, look for a negative, ignore the positive.
Find the real motives of his behavior.
Make yourself representing what relationship you want and what kind of person you can come up.
Determine if the answers fit on 1 and 2 points into this presentation?
If you still decide not to drive your former, start everything from scratch, without repeating old mistakes. Otherwise, you will create a precedent that you can leave and then, as if nothing had happened, return to the previous position.

If you have doubts about you to do, when the former wanted to return, ask the advice of loved ones who you trust. Useful to know the side view. You can also contact me on