What to do if I'm jealous of my child's mother-in-law: advice from a psychologist. What to do if I'm jealous of my child's mother-in-law: psychologist's advice Video: Relationships: mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

Advice from psychologists on the topic "I'm jealous of my husband for my mother-in-law." The main causes of occurrence and methods for solving this problem.

The situation that almost all young families face is the mutual antipathy between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law. If the conflict is not resolved in time, it will lead to sad consequences.

The constantly arising feelings of jealousy and hatred for the husband's mother will certainly affect the relationship with him.

The situation that has arisen must be overcome in order to preserve peace in the family. You will have to solve the problem, because no matter what the mother of your chosen one is, he will not have another.

If a woman gets into the habit of making claims and demanding the termination of relations with her unloved mother-in-law, the tortured husband will eventually take the side of the mother.

Jealous husband to mother-in-law

There are several reasons why this situation may arise. After you define it, the path to solving the problem will appear by itself.

Diffidence

“... Relations with the mother-in-law are good, we never argue with each other. But I'm jealous if my husband asks for her advice, not mine. At such moments, it becomes insulting to tears. Once she announced that she would help us with our grandchildren, it terribly angered me ... "

If you are jealous of your spouse not only for your mother-in-law, but also for friends, girlfriends, and also think that he pays more attention to them, then the reason lies in low self-esteem.

Not wanting to share your husband with someone, you are primarily afraid of losing him and not finding a new partner. You consider yourself uninteresting, ugly, unable to cook, and many other “not”.

Any manifestation of attention to the mother is regarded as a betrayal and entails endless conflicts, although the essence of the problem is hidden inside you.

Children's impressions

“... I don’t know what to do with myself. When a spouse is at work with his mother, or helps her on business, I am jealous of my husband for my mother-in-law. Deep down I know that this is wrong, but I can’t do anything about this feeling ... "

Another common cause that is difficult to notice at first glance is the impressions received in childhood.

Your mother could be in conflict with your grandmother, or you became an unwitting listener to an adult conversation on this topic. It is not necessary to remember this or that case, the main thing is that it is deposited in your subconscious.

Identifying such a problem is quite difficult, as well as dealing with it. But if you want to get rid of jealousy and understand that there is no apparent reason, then you should contact a family psychologist.

Third wheel

“... For several months, my husband and I lived with his parents. Mom could come into our bedroom day or night without asking. She cooked food, although she saw that I had already made dinner. Complained that I was a bad hostess. Until now, I am jealous of her husband ... "

Living together with parents leads to the division of the territory and attention of a man on an intuitive level. It is in the nature of a woman that she should be the only mistress of her house. Therefore, it is necessary to show your superiority. The mother-in-law ideally manages the household: cooks, erases, cleans. And the wife uses female charms.

In such a situation, the husband finds himself among two fires, not knowing whom to bow to. There can be only one way out - moving to your own apartment.

The nature of the mother-in-law

“... The husband's mother claims that she gave birth to him for herself and will not give him to anyone. Acts like I don't exist. When he visits his parents, I am jealous of my husband for my mother-in-law ... "

Some parents do not perceive their child as a separate person and in every possible way suppress its manifestations. Often this situation occurs in an incomplete family, when the child becomes the only relative and all the love goes to him.

Growing up is accompanied by the appearance of the first love and the mother's jealousy for her. When the time comes for a serious relationship, she is ready to defend herself from an unexpected guest who wants to destroy the family idyll.

What to do

There are several ways to get rid of jealousy that will help restore harmony in a relationship:

1. Don't give jealousy a chance. Stop checking your spouse's phone for calls and texts to your parents. Some wives become obsessed with the idea of ​​surveillance, not understanding the consequences of this. Distrust will sooner or later become apparent and hurt the feelings of a loved one.
2. Get rid of fears. Imagine a situation when your mother-in-law took your husband away from you and how your future life turned out. This technique gives a clear understanding that you have nothing to fear. Agree that an adult who indulges the wishes of his parents in everything cannot be the head of the family.
3. Stop comparing. You are two different people and your husband loves you for different reasons.
4. Focus on strengthening relationships. Instead of wasting time on jealousy, spend it with your significant other. Communicate more, come up with a joint hobby and develop relationships.
5. Make time for your family. Come visit your parents or call. Do not cut ties with relatives because of the creation of your own family. This will distract you from the problem and help fix it.

To prevent a brewing conflict, certain rules should be followed:

• no need to try to love the mother-in-law, it is enough to show respect for her;
• try to understand that the spouse does not belong only to you: from birth he had his own family, where he grew up and whom he loves; thanks to them he became what you know him;
• do not try to take the place of the mother-in-law, she experiences maternal feelings, and you are completely different, not a single woman will replace his son's mother;
• if something does not suit you, talk about it, for example, offer not to help with the housework, come only for the weekend;
• listen to her advice, no matter how dismissively you treat the mother of a loved one, she has a lot of experience; in some situations, teachings will be useful;
• imagine yourself in her place, try to understand the reasons for her behavior, then you will understand how stupid your discontent is;
• sort things out in private, if you want to talk with your spouse on personal topics, do it without witnesses, the same applies to conversations with his mother;
• keep calm, never say hurtful words in the heat of the moment, communicate after you cool down, accusations made under the influence of emotions are often groundless and ridiculous.

Getting rid of jealousy for the mother-in-law is not easy. You can't cut her out of your life like a regular rival. And you shouldn't do it. Over time, she can become a real friend and indispensable adviser in family relationships.

Video: Relationships: mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

Why mother-in-law and daughter-in-law become rivals?

Hello dear readers. I wrote a lot about the rivalry of two women, mother and wife, for the special attention of the only beloved man. And I will continue to write. After all, this topic is inexhaustible and sometimes reaches the point of absurdity, when two women cannot share one man, and with him a child.

So it turns out - a family triangle, which is much worse than a love triangle. After all, a love triangle can be broken, and you need to look for a way out of a family one. But they do not always want to look for a side. They prefer to openly conflict or secretly take offense and accumulate resentment.

Why is the mother-in-law jealous

It's no secret that many relationship problems arise because of banal jealousy. Jealousy that corrodes a person from the inside and is looking for a way out. And whichever way jealousy finds, such will be the consequences. Indeed, often the mother-in-law believes that.

So it turns out that both the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law can consider each other rivals, and this can negatively affect. Most often, the mother-in-law is jealous of her son for her daughter-in-law and this spoils the life of her own child. How is it, she thinks, now another woman is next to her son. Can she take better care of him than me? Can she cook, wash, iron better than me?

And for the young and in love, such everyday problems do not have such a priority as for the mother-in-law. And don't focus on them. Do not torment senselessly both yourself and your daughter-in-law.

Ordinary maternal jealousy is a normal, natural feeling, as long as it does not go beyond the reasonable. And then she starts to look just ugly. Why would you compete with another woman for the attention of your own son? He must find time for both women, and he loves both, only with different loves. And therefore, there should be no reason for jealousy.

Jealousy of the daughter-in-law

And the other woman - the wife is also jealous. But it's not just jealousy, it's competition. A young woman constantly competes with a more experienced one, and strives to get the constant attention of her beloved man. Here, most often the cause of jealousy is the thought: "Now he is mine and only mine." This position is most often manifested in possessive behavior, where only the full attention of the spouse becomes important, and even the thought that he can care for or worry about someone else is not allowed.

And when a child appears, the same possessive feeling appears in relation to the child. I often read that mothers are jealous of their children for their grandmothers. Of course, this is not entirely jealousy, but rather a sense of ownership - "this child is mine, and only mine." Do you know this feeling? What to do? Some tips.

And what side does the husband take in the family triangle?

I won't be able to sort it out, but I'll try to at least try. I never get tired of saying that my blog is mostly read by future mothers-in-law, so I write for them.

Conflicts will arise as long as the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law consider each other competitors. Conflicts can be avoided if the daughter-in-law learns to perceive the mother-in-law as the mother of her husband, and the mother-in-law - the daughter-in-law as the woman her son loves.

Putting the question - "either she or I" - is a dead end from which there is no correct, painless way out.

You should always try to find good qualities in a person. If your son chose a girl, then she deserves him. I do not understand those mothers-in-law who consider daughters-in-law unworthy of their sons. Of course, anything in life happens. But if a young family lives peacefully and happily, why interfere and create conflict situations.

Also do not understand when some for no apparent reason. It is not necessary to come out of anger with a lot of intelligence, but to step over petty jealousy, to rise above this - here strength of mind is needed.

And if a conflict has already arisen and continues for a long time, a man must definitely intervene so as not to destroy his own family. Young people in this case need to learn to build their personal boundaries, the boundaries of their family. And the son can firmly and clearly tell his mother: “Mom, I love you very much, but this is our family and we will solve our problems with my wife.”

Otherwise, situations may arise, which I will write about next time. Subscribe to updates so as not to miss the most interesting.

Hello,
I have such a problem, I can’t overcome my jealousy for my husband’s mother. It all started with the fact that we got married when she was away, she was not present at the wedding and the only acquaintance was Skype. About six months passed, we communicated normally with her, but when she arrived, everything turned upside down! The first three days went well, on the fourth she began to upload various examples from her life about how treacherous daughters-in-law are and how they can bring their husbands to death, quarrel with relatives, force them to work in order to buy an extra handbag or dress for his wife! Naturally, my nerves could not stand it and I had a nervous breakdown, I didn’t even have such thoughts in my head, I told him everything after what happened, she didn’t see it, although we lived with her, then in the evening, when I didn’t have enough support from my husband , she and he sat down, sending me to sleep in the room, and began to discuss something in an embrace and laugh out loud! In short, at that moment I left the room and told her everything directly, that I was jealous of her and I want her to leave our life alone, this became the point in our relationship with her! From that moment, we even lived separately with my husband, he and his mother, I was with my mother under the pretext that his mother was in poor health and we had to take care of her! Mother-in-law and mother-in-law are also in a quarrel after that day, his mother told my mother that she raised us badly, the house is all dirty and supposedly my mother wants to take control of her son's money. We tried to try on, but all in vain! He is not the only son, there are still two, but he is the only breadwinner in their family. My husband's mom and dad are divorced. I understand that there is my fault here, but jealousy continues to consume me from the inside, although now my husband and I have moved to another city, they continue to communicate via Skype and I don’t know what to do with myself at this moment! I know that there is no need to interfere, but these feelings of nutria do not allow me to sleep peacefully, tell me and help!

Hello Gulya! You lacked a bit of diplomacy. Your relationship with your mother-in-law is a classic example. Jealousy towards the husband's mother is very common, but, unfortunately, never leads to anything good. The biggest plus for you is that you and your husband live separately from her and this is very important. The fact that they communicate via Skype - yes, let them communicate, this is a plus not only for them, but also for you. Because your husband has a need to communicate with his mother, he satisfies her, just like his mother satisfies this need. And when a person satisfies his need, he is well. Good for your husband, good for you. Here is such a chain.

You will understand your mother-in-law well when you yourself have an adult married son. Even if your mother-in-law has other children, it is possible that she has a closer relationship with him. Moreover, if he earns, then she may have fears that the money will go to you, to your mother, and then she will get less. That is why your husband needs to reassure the mother and agree on how he can help her, and how much he can send her, taking into account the needs and your family. Whether you like it or not, he will do it, and the sooner you put up with it, the easier it will be for you. Because your husband's life consists not only of you and your family, he also has a job and his parental family, and everything takes time and effort. In order not to be dependent on your husband's relationship with his mother, you need to pay all attention to yourself. Do not forget about your needs, tell them to your husband, do something you love, earn money yourself, try to satisfy your needs yourself. Remember that it is impossible to change other people, it is only possible to change yourself and change your behavior. By changing your behavior and attitude towards your mother-in-law, it will become much easier for you. If jealousy does not let you go, go to

Jealousy is that green-eyed monster that can destroy even the strongest family in which harmony and mutual love reign. This feeling is blind and merciless, and you need to learn how to keep it under the most severe control. Judge for yourself: every woman, even the most attractive and tender, but jealous of her husband for every skirt passing by, very quickly transforms into a hysteric, quarrelsome and simply unbearable person.

True jealous women will not disdain to search the pockets of their beloved, examine the obsession of his tablet or phone, examine the shirt collar for lipstick with a microscope, and even become a private detective. As a result, a man either really starts a passion on the side, or even leaves the family.

Jealousy justified

A feeling that has good reason, and supported by irrefutable facts, is inherent in any, even the most patient, tactful and self-possessed wife.

And it appears after the husband periodically or constantly:

• Flirting with common female acquaintances;
• Makes double compliments to other ladies;
• He spends the night away from home, returns late from work, coming up with strange and untruthful excuses for delays;
• If he completely ignores the spouse regarding sex;
• Hiding with a mobile phone in another room.

So, what to do in such situations, when endurance and patience comes to an end? Definitely, you should not demonstrate your disinterest in what is happening, but you also do not need to fall into hysterics. It is important to calmly discuss with your spouse all the points that bother you, give logical arguments and ask him to explain. So it will be possible to maintain one's own dignity, not to provoke family scenes of jealousy, because of which it will be very embarrassing.

Jealousy without reason

This is an emotion that is in no way controlled by a woman, and is not subject to external conditions, capable of leading to unpredictable and bad consequences. The groundless jealousy of your spouse for his past, the conductor, the waitress, or even for his mother usually has purely psychological reasons.

Standardly, this behavior is inherent in ladies with huge internal complexes, low self-esteem and self-doubt. In fact, they cannot be convinced that they can be loved, they can be faithful and devoted.

Painful jealousy appears due to the fact that the spouse is afraid of losing her lover, and tries to keep him near her by any conceivable and unimaginable means.

But, the paradox of the situation is that such a family life quickly comes to an end.

So, how to learn not to be jealous of a husband? See what psychologists advise about this:

• For starters, you just need to prove to yourself how charming, beautiful, loved and appreciated you are. No need to dwell on the errors in appearance or character that everyone has. Find all your positive qualities and do not stop thinking about them. Believe me, women with powerful charisma, confident in their own attractiveness and significance, never ask questions like: “ What to do if I am very jealous of my husband»?
• Remember, thoughts are very material, and the more often you imagine your faithful in the arms of his ex, the higher the likelihood that he will be there. Think positively
• Wives marching around the house in worn-out slippers, with a fat ponytail or hanging belly look very ugly and unattractive. From such people rather go the other way, take note of this,
• It is possible that the answer to the question of how to stop being jealous of a husband is hidden in complete financial dependence on such. Any woman needs to fulfill herself in the professional field, to have her own pocket funds, tasks, goals and aspirations,
• If you are increasingly tormented by a thought like: Jealous of her husband for his past”, you will have to learn to live in the present and appreciate what you have at the moment. Otherwise, the whole life will pass in doubts and fears, and you simply will not notice your personal happiness,
• It is quite possible that only a psychotherapist will help to solve the question of how not to be jealous of your husband. This is especially true in cases where a woman has already experienced the betrayal of partners, and she cannot get rid of the feeling of a dirty trick and danger,
• It is necessary to establish the source of jealousy. To do this, it is enough to be alone with yourself for some time and put thoughts, facts, feelings and emotions in order,
• You need to stop identifying yourself with movie stars, pop singers and fashion models that your man likes. Strive to become an ideal for him, and do not covet someone else's fame and success,
• Stop spying and instead have a calm conversation with your partner. Say that you have long been jealous of his mother-in-law, business partner, saleswoman from a bakery store, or even his own sister. Achieve a mutual decision and trust in each other, even if it takes several hours in a row,
• Thought: " Jealous of my husband to mother-in-law”, usually born to women whose husbands put their mother above all else. It is difficult to recommend something here, since such behavior is the result of upbringing. And if the spouse does not deprive you of attention and care, but spends a lot of time with his mother, you will have to come to terms with this, because he sets an excellent example for children. In addition, no one is eternal, remember this and take it as you want,
• If the phrase is firmly entrenched in my head: “ Jealous husband to his own sister”, understand the absurdity of your behavior and style of thinking. An indulgence can only be made if the sister is a cousin or your own, but even in such situations you should not panic and hysteria ahead of time. Reformulate all claims to your loved one regarding the lack of attention to your person into proposals to spend time together: visit a cinema or go out into nature.

It is much more difficult for those who cannot get rid of the thought: “I am jealous of my husband for his ex-wife.” Many circumstances can connect failed spouses: children, business, relatives, the habit of communicating, after all. With everything except the last one, you will have to put up with it for a very long time.