Oral child education: if the child is constantly chatting. What if the child continues to argue anyway? What to do if a child often has a sore throat

24.05.2019

Bad behavior in children does not arise out of the blue and without apparent negative motivation. The origins of the protracted whims of the obstinate should be sought in the following factors:

Copying adult behavior... If one of the parents allows himself to put an ultimatum at the slightest refusal in his desires, then the child will consider such a method to achieve his goal the norm. Even at a very young age, he will understand that it is possible, with the help of whims and tantrums, to get a toy he likes or a treat that is unhealthy.
Dictate of parents... With constant prohibitions, children may have a tendency to resist pressure from adults. The child is not able to resist dictators either materially or physically. In his arsenal, only psychological methods remain, which consist precisely in harm.
Wrong explanation of the hazard... Parents are always afraid for their child (the exception is an asocial family). Trying to protect a son or daughter from the outside world, they sometimes make a gross pedagogical mistake. It seems to children that they are being deprived of their personal freedom, and begin to be harmful for any reason.
Indifference of loved ones... In this case, the child's whims are a manifestation of protest against such an attitude towards him on the part of the parents.
The spirit of contradiction... By itself, a child may initially have a nasty character. It can be extremely difficult to change his behavior in this case, but under the supervision of an experienced specialist it is quite possible to get rid of the harmfulness of the offspring.
The influence of the older generation... Caring grandparents sometimes try to do everything as best as possible, but in the end they ruin their grandson or granddaughter. After visiting compassionate relatives, parents often do not recognize their child. The child begins to be mischievous and throw tantrums if something is not allowed for him.

In almost all situations sounded, it is the parents who are to blame for the whims of the children. Adults are quite capable of correcting their baby's behavior. Even the negative energy of a rebellious teenager can be directed in the right direction. It should be remembered that it is never too late to start raising your offspring.

The main manifestations of harm in a child

Parental love for their own children is often blind and deaf. However, dads and moms should be wary if their children regularly behave as follows:

Ignoring any adult request... At the same time, it can be expressed both in the form of demonstrative silence, and through rolling hysteria. Even with an innocent request from his parents to approach them, the stubborn man begins to run away in the opposite direction, after which he has to be caught.
Intentional sabotage... Spiteful of adults, a little rebel may deliberately break their toys and spoil things in the house. Sometimes it's just a way to reach out to your parents and get attention.
Regular repetition of the words "I do not want" and "I will not"... They are used both to the point and for a completely incomprehensible reason for adults. A stubborn person may even refuse a favorite treat, because he has made a decision for himself to harm.

The voiced behavior of a child can infuriate even a person with iron nerves. It is especially difficult to take will in a fist, when at the same time the baby begins to actively attract public attention, scream hysterically and even roll on the ground.

How to deal with harm in a child

First of all, parents need to calm down and pull themselves together. There is not a single excuse for those dads and mothers who severely punish their wicked children. It is quite easy to break the fragile world of a small person, and sometimes even experienced specialists cannot restore it.

In no case should you be led by children with such behavior. However, when you go too far, there is a real danger of losing the trust of your offspring forever. Exceptionally moderately radical methods will make it possible to deal with the question of how to wean a child from being harmful.

With a firm decision to begin the reeducation of the obstinate, it is necessary to take the following methods of parental influence on him:

Correct regulation of penalties... The punishment must be reasonable, just and without the use of physical force. Experts recommend giving two consents to one categorical “no” at any request of the child. Usually, harm develops from 3 years old, therefore, the baby's requests will rather be a test of the patience of mom and dad for strength than a conscious desire to take them out of the state of mental equilibrium.
Demonstrating your own example... Children are a reflection of their parents. Therefore, it is necessary to show them the correct model of behavior in society. It is recommended that a capricious child over and over again convey information that mutual respect and a calm atmosphere reign in his family, which does not imply harm to either children or adults.
Translation of a whim into a joke... This is quite difficult to do, because little stubborn people are often fixated on the desire to do the opposite. It is necessary to be patient and with the help of humor available to the child to distract his attention, thus preventing the brewing conflict.
Finding a common activity... With this desire, it should be remembered that the child is constantly mischievous due to the fact that he is elementarily bored. At a young age, children do not understand that their parents are constantly busy because of getting their daily bread. You should put off all your affairs for a while and pay attention to the child. Many toddlers and older children love to draw, sculpt, assemble a constructor. When organizing this joint lesson, a mutual understanding will be established between the older and younger generations, which will eradicate the harmfulness of the child.
Involvement in household chores... First, the little helper will have a sense of his own worth and an awareness of a certain adulthood. Secondly, the fulfillment of certain responsibilities at home is the main component of the labor education of the younger generation. However, you need to remember about the age of your son or daughter. A 3-year-old should be encouraged to take the dishes to the sink after each meal. A 5-6 year old child can already put away his toys, dust off shelves, feed a pet and water flowers. Older children are quite able to sweep in the apartment (initially under the guidance of adults) and wash the dishes after themselves.
Encouraging initiative... At any age, good deeds should be rewarded according to merit. It is important for a child to know that his help for adults is very important and necessary. If he feels like a full member of the family, he will stop harassing his parents with tantrums and whims.
Organization of family watching cartoons... In this case, it is recommended to familiarize the kid with the behavior of Dyudyuki the dirty trick from "The Elephant's Birthday". It will also be instructive to watch the cartoon humorous film "The Princess and the Cannibal" with an explanation of two models of behavior of a positive girl and a mischievous hooligan.
Reading literature on pedagogy... It is never too late to learn, which should be kept in mind by all parents. For self-education, the books by Marina Aromshtam "How to solve the problems of upbringing without losing self-control", Lyudmila Petranovskaya "If it is difficult with a child", Olga Makhovskoy "100 mistakes of upbringing that are easy to avoid" and Svetlana Dorosheva "How to cope with a child. A guide in 22 episodes and illustrations. "
Ending quarrels between spouses... You should not expect ideal behavior and obedience to parents from your offspring if they constantly sort things out among themselves in front of the children. A child develops psychosis due to such a family situation, after which he begins to be mischievous and throw tantrums.
Collective drafting of a taboo system... There should not be many points in it, but the most important aspects for the family must be included in them. Then the child is told the law according to which from now on he and his parents will live.

All of the listed recommendations for parents are easy to follow. You just need to pay more attention to your children and monitor your own behavior.

In most cases, whims are characteristic of toddlers or children of primary school age. In a teenage child, with hormonal changes in the body, a kind of protest against the adult world arises. Such aggression is a slightly different behavioral deviation compared to the described harm.

Kindergarten teachers and primary school teachers should behave as follows in relation to such wards:

Maximum correctness... In no case should the harm be compared with peers in a negative way for her. A situation may happen that the example was set exactly the child with whom the problem child is in confrontation. By such actions, the conflict will be further aggravated, and the rebel will do everything in spite of adults.
Distraction... Wise teachers always know what to do if a child is mischievous. A bright toy, an offer to read a fairy tale, watch a cartoon or draw together will help to interest the little stubborn person for a while. The main thing is to know his preferences so that it is difficult for him to give up the tempting prospect of having a great time in a child care center.
Method "Order"... Not only in the family, the little rascal should have its own responsibilities. The teacher needs to clearly voice the obstinate that the group (class) really lacks the help of this particular capricious child. A sense of self-worth will push the stubborn person to enthusiastically take up the proposed business. Over time, he will get used to fulfilling the requests of adults and will cease to be mischievous.
Family work... An exclusively tandem of the teacher and the parents of a capricious prankster who likes to do everything in spite of everything, will help solve the problem. To begin with, the professional conducts a survey of adults, visits the family at home and, with the help of a social worker, draws up a correctional plan for working with a harmful child.

Some parents are reluctant to notice obvious problems in their children. Therefore, it is the teachers who must be the first to sound the alarm so that an outright hysterical and emotional blackmailer does not grow out of their ward in the future.

Help of psychologists in correcting the child's behavior

In some situations, the conflict between parents and their child goes so far that the problem cannot be solved without the help of a specialist. Usually, in this situation, the following therapy is carried out under the guidance of a coordinator:

Psychodiagnostics... After the first acquaintance with the little patient, the specialist calculates the temperament of the child with the help of conversation and questionnaires. During such a study, the diagnosis of the causes of harm in the child is also carried out.
Group lessons (fairy tale therapy)... During these small trainings, the specialist can offer children a brainstorming discussion of literature on a suitable topic. In this case, the analysis of S. Marshak's fairy tale "The Stupid Mouse" is often used.
Play technique... This method of correcting child harm implies performing, together with a psychologist, the exercises "Is it right or not?", "My friend is wicked", so that during such communication the child could look at his behavior from the outside. After these manipulations, little patients are invited to take part in "Psychodrama on the Table", the main characters of which are a specialist and toys.
Art therapy... This technique allows problem children to calm down and concentrate during an interesting lesson. When the emotional stress is removed, the harm will be less hysterical and torture with the aggressive behavior of the parents. Sand therapy also has a similar effect, during which children show the specialist their inner problems.

How to wean a child from being mischievous - watch the video:

When the question arises of why a child is harmful, it should be remembered that such an attitude towards others is a deviation from the norms of behavior. However, you should not confuse him with a slight whim or a desire to defend your position. A small person only cognizes this world, and in some cases it is difficult for her to control her own emotions. She also fails to adequately compare the opportunities available in the family with the desires that have arisen in her. Exceptionally wise behavior of parents and educators will help harm to change for the better.

It happens that your child whines and whines, and you feel how all your calmness dissolves and you can hardly restrain yourself not to say “Stop yelling! When will you shut up? "

Or maybe you are not holding back - you talk, and shout, and get annoyed! Each has its own margin of safety!

The whining of a child can be compared to the grinding of nails on glass (brrrr) or peeling foam. Oh!

I don’t remember where I read that such sounds activate the genetic program of danger in us, and earlier it was with such sounds that monkeys warned each other about the approach of predators.

And now we live in apartments, cities - and the body still reacts unconsciously!

Why is the child whining? Top 3 Reasons for Whining Your Child

I'll start listing from least important to most relevant!

3. Wants to achieve something from you.

Children quickly understand our weak points, and if every time after the child whines, cries, he gets what he wants. your nerves are not enough to listen to this terrible sound, and you are ready to give up the last shirt to be silent - his behavior is fixed.

The child does not even need to learn to negotiate, look for and try new forms of communication. What for? After all, mom has a cool button that you can easily press with your whimpering and whining and what you want is in your hands.

Advice: correct yourself! Remove the button! No means no! Switch the child, distract, explain, but do not follow the lead!

2. Your child needs your attention.

Almost 80-90% of whims, hysterics, whining are solved by filling the child's vessel with love and your undivided attention. It was not for nothing that at first I compared whining with grinding on glass: this sound reaches its goal - my mother drew attention to me!

If you are rarely with your child, work, or the baby goes to kindergarten - he needs time to be nourished with your love. Little love - will pull it in all possible ways. This does not mean that he is not well-mannered, bad. not! This means that we are performing our function as a mother poorly.

Advice: if you notice that the child began to whine often, drop everything and introduce 20-30 minutes of daily communication with the child. It is important to be with the baby all this time, to belong to him completely, to do what he wants, and not you.

Turn off your phone, internet, TV - hug your child and say: “I have 20 minutes. And I can be with you all this time. What do you want to do? "

1. The child is physically ill.

This group includes such reasons: wants to eat, drink. I'm tired. He wants to go to the toilet. Wants to sleep.

His body is tired, but while he is small, the child cannot distinguish from what the mood has deteriorated. He cannot tell you in plain text "feed, drink and put to sleep." Therefore, first of all, we analyze the day and look for the cause of the whining at the body level. These reasons are eliminated the fastest. The child will again be in a good mood.

Advice: work out a clear daily routine, in particular, you need to track the time of sleep and wakefulness.

After 2 years, we think that the child is already big and begin to follow this area of the child's life a little, let his life take its course and create difficulties for ourselves, expressed in a large number of tantrums and whims.

See also about main reasons for whining in my little video tutorial:

How to wean a child from whining?

You may see advice to ignore the whining, or perhaps even punish the child - but I disagree with them!

We've covered the top 3 reasons for your child's whining, and every time you hear your child's plaintive whine, you should quickly go over these reasons and find the REASON!

Whining is a consequence of the inner need of the child or his poor physical condition. And until you eliminate the reason - screaming, scolding, punishing the child does not make sense.

By your such actions, you will only aggravate his well-being and worsen your relationship!

Lyudmila Sharova.

Child psychologist. Breastfeeding & Baby Sleep Consultant. Mom of three children.

The habit of children to whine and speak in a whining tone does not appear out of the blue, but is the result of upbringing. How to change the relationship with the child so that he does not grow up as a "whiner", the head told us "Studios of positive psychology for children and adolescents" Anna Stefanova.

Is it bad if a child is friends with babies? Child psychologist Natalya Barlozhetskaya answers: Friendship of a teenager with younger children is not uncommon. Many children try to stay in childhood in this way. The reasons for this behavior: SELF-CONFIDENCE. Communication with peers is difficult for a child. WHAT TO DO? Give him time to find his place among his classmates. Do not interfere with his communication with younger friends, with them he works out the skills that will be needed in communicating with peers. NO

Have you noticed that when you are doing something personal for yourself (for example, talking on the phone), your children immediately start asking for sweets or come up with various minor requests? If you do not react at the same time, then whining begins, so to speak, an imitation of resentment. Most often, mothers, so that the children fall behind faster, satisfies their desires. Here is an example of a child testing the boundaries of parental prohibition, and I assure you that he knows all your weaknesses very well. If you ignore or indulge this behavior, it leads to relapse. And the goal of the child in this case is to get what you want from you.

Thus, the fact of whining is most often a kind of manipulation, a test of us, adults, for endurance and perseverance in principles.

We can assume four reasons for the child's tearfulness, namely:

1. The kid found a way for himself to achieve his goal... We have already mentioned nagging as manipulation above.

2. The child wants to be (stay) small... There is an assumption that this behavior is a continuation of infant crying, which suggests that the child needs something. Since babies cannot talk yet, crying is a way to attract attention to satisfy a need. This method can also be used in later life, for example, by girls with boys: "Well, how can you refuse this little girl?"

3. It attracts attention... For a child, an indicator of parental attention is the manifestation of their emotions. Thus, “annoying” you with “whining”, he will receive at least some reaction, even if it is negative, for example, irritation: “Stop whining! What are you so little! ".

4. The child is afraid of punishment or criticism (defensive reaction) and is generally afraid... If parents are inconsistent in their words and actions, often do not keep promises, the child loses confidence in the future, hence the whiny voice, high notes are one of the signs of an insecure person. Even if the parents promise something, there remains fear and uncertainty about receiving the promise. Perhaps the child cannot tell you something, fearing that he will not be listened to, criticized or punished.

Whining is an acquired and fixed form of behavior, and it must be corrected by changing the strategy of education:

● Start by looking at the circumstances under which a form of communication such as nagging occurs. Hearing a whiny note in your voice, try to join in and understand what exactly your child wants: "Maybe you want to tell me something?" Listen to him and do not judge him.

● Try to communicate with your little ones as much as possible - tell, share, listen to them. Sit down to be on a par with the child, look into his eyes, take his hand and talk to the baby: "It seems to me that you are now speaking in such a tone, because ..." Further - your versions related specifically to your situation, because parents are like no one they know what is really happening: "You would like to ...", "You are afraid that you (I) ...", "You want attention from my side," etc.

● The most important thing is to be CONSISTENT in your actions and promises to your child. Understand the rule: "SAID - DID". For example, if you promised to play with your child, then do it at the specified time, if you promised to buy a toy in a week, buy it. This will give your child confidence and a sense of support from you. You will see this uncertain tone (whining) gradually disappear from your life.

● There should be clear rules and agreements between you and your children. For example, in the case described at the beginning of the article, you can talk with your children that the call is very important to you, and ask them not to bother her with requests (except for very important ones - they are different in each family) at those moments when the mother communicates on phone. If this becomes the rule, then the nagging will stop.

For whatever reason the child resorts to this method of communication, you should never label the child as a "whiner" and the like. There is always a way to figure out what caused this behavior (reaction) and help your child.

Tatiana Koryakina

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Not friends anymore?

Has the child quarreled with a friend and now suffers from loneliness? Mom's support is needed! Has your child quarreled with a friend and is now suffering from loneliness? Mom's support at such a moment is simply necessary. Help your child talk. Some kids immediately share their troubles with their parents, others are courageously silent. If your child is silent, call him up for a conversation: “I can't understand why Maxim did this. What do you think?" “I understand how unpleasant it was for you when Anya said that.

What to do if your child hits other children

When a child has a crisis of 3 years, he suddenly becomes capricious and aggressive, does not listen to his parents and even fights. Only if a child is afraid of hitting adults, because they can stand up for themselves, then hitting a peer or a younger child - the hand will not tremble. In this case, it is important to respond correctly to this behavior. If your child beats other children, the most important thing to understand is that the child needs to establish an internal "taboo" on fighting and at the same time not to instill in him that if he is showing aggression, then he is bad.

After divorce

When the parents are divorced, the child does not say these questions out loud. But they demand an answer. Q: My husband and I divorced two years ago. The daughter was five years old, she still refuses to meet with him and continues to be angry. My ex-husband says that I am setting her up, but this is not the case. What to do? The girl can perceive the departure of her father as a betrayal, because he is the only man so far who could be counted on to protect, and now his love belongs to another.

Hello, good Santa Claus?

What if your child is afraid of Santa Claus? Advice from a child psychologist Question: My son is three years old. Last year, when the invited Santa Claus came to the house and began to get acquainted, the baby got scared, burst into tears and refused to communicate with him. Is it worth calling Santa Claus and Snow Maiden this year? Answer: The kid, who is not even three years old, perceives the arrival of a stranger, who is also strangely dressed, talks loudly and knocks with a staff, as an invasion of his quiet and familiar world.

How to teach your child not to be late

It is much more pleasant to deal with punctual people than with those who are constantly late. But punctuality and a sense of time are instilled from childhood. Listen to the recommendations of the psychologist, director of the training center "School of Success" (www.shkola-uspeha.com.ua) Daria Shevchenko, in order to wean your child from the habit of being late. Why Children Are Late Initially, it is unusual for children to have a sense of time. They constantly flirt, forget about assigned tasks, wake up at school, go to lessons, are distracted.

The harmless fantasizing of a three-year-old baby often causes a smile and tenderness. Few of the parents will seriously worry about this. However, in a couple of years, adults will be unpleasantly surprised when faced with the fact that their child is constantly lying. Psychologists will tell you about the reasons for children's lies and what to do to the relatives of a child who resorts to deception.

Before trying to solve the problem of child dishonesty, you should carefully examine the motives for which the child is lying.

IMPORTANT! Until the age of 3-4 years, children do not cheat, but fantasize. It's time for adults to engage in the development of this quality in a child, because in the future it can become the basis of the profession of a writer or architect for a crumbs.

First: I want it and I will get it!

The kid is surrounded by a huge number of temptations that are prohibited. The baby does not understand at all why he cannot get everything he wants. So the child has to achieve what he wants with the help of deception. If you do not pay attention to this and do not take action in time, then out of crumbs.

Second: I'm better than you think!

Often, the little one begins to prove to others that he can fly or is the strongest person on the planet. What is it? Cheating or harmless fantasies? Do not relax, perhaps the baby does not have enough parental attention and care. Lack of love, lack of faith in one's own strengths can push the crumb to deceive and exaggerate their abilities.

Third: I'm afraid of you.

In families where the punishment is too severe, the child may be tempted to cover up the wrongdoing. Fear of sanctions is considered to be the most common reason a child lies all the time.

Fourth: Little braggart.

The desire to look better in the eyes of peers or significant people often makes the toddler come up with incredible stories about the wealth of his family or about the achievements of his parents. In this version, the son or daughter is dissatisfied with their position in the team and are forced to increase their authority with the help of lies.

Fifth: Like mom and dad.

Unfortunately, many parents, without noticing it, resort to deception in front of a child. Wanting to be polite, they praise someone's new dress. They promise their offspring to buy a bicycle without intending to do so. Such an attitude of adults to life is a fertile soil on which a child-liar will surely grow up.

How to wean a child from lying?

Belief in the honesty of a little person. Relatives of a child who constantly lies stop trusting him. In the future, they question every word of the crumbs. Adults need to overcome their mistrust and stop being skeptical about what they say.
No need to make a tragedy out of the fantasies of a three-year-old... You should make the baby understand with a smile that his joke has been revealed, and no one takes seriously an innocent lie.
It is important to pay attention to deception. If mom noticed that her son is lying, it is imperative to have a serious conversation with him. It is necessary to explain to the child in private what his deception can lead to. The main thing in a conversation is not to humiliate the little interlocutor, because he may stop trusting his parents and will become.

IT IS INTERESTING! British scientists have found that lying in men occurs twice as often as in women.

Crime and Punishment. Dialogue with children is an excellent pedagogical technique. However, talking alone cannot solve the problem of lying. The child must understand that he will definitely be punished for deception. As soon as the baby feels his own impunity, telling a lie will become a habit with him. To wean the lie, sanctions should be applied immediately. However, the punishment must be proportionate to the misdemeanor. Physical and moral violence against a person is unacceptable. Better to use a ban on watching a cartoon or deprivation of a walk.
No need to hang labels. It is important for parents to understand that the act should be assessed, not the personality of the baby. You should not brand the offspring with the offensive nickname of a liar or a liar. This will lead to repetition of unwanted behavior.
Analyze your family situation. If the reason for the child's dishonesty lies in a negative example from the parents, it is necessary to urgently change the situation in the family. It is necessary to carefully monitor what adults say in the presence of a son or daughter, so that innuendo and "lies for the good" do not set an example for imitation of the baby.
Praise the truth. Even the most insignificant situation in which the toddler told the truth should serve as a reason for encouraging the baby. In this way, parents will reinforce the pleasant feelings of honesty.
Analyze your actions. Watching cartoons together and reading instructive stories on this issue will bring results. Discuss the actions of the heroes of literary works or fairy tales who resorted to deception. Find out from the kid what the character should have done, what had to be said in order not to lie.

Caring parents should understand that if a child is constantly lying, then adults are responsible for this. In families where trust and love reign and where fear is absent, childish lies are extremely rare. After all, the baby is absolutely sure that at home he will always be supported, listened to and protected. And even if they are punished, it is absolutely fair.

Komarovsky about children's lies

Here is what the famous doctor Komarovsky thinks about children's lies and theft:

Many small children whine, whine and cry to grab the attention of parents. Usually this goes away with age, but until a certain time this nagging greatly annoys parents and they simply do not understand how to wean a child from whining .

Often parents make concessions to the child, just not to hear his whining. Parents know they are doing wrong, but they simply cannot tolerate when baby whines or cannot stand the crying of children. However, after the concession, they invariably give the child a little lecture about how to tired of listening to whining, crying or whimpering ... This lecture is usually completely ignored by the child and, unfortunately, does not change his behavior.

**The best way for parents to behave when baby whines, will be completely ignored.**

If it is difficult for a parent to bear it when the child is constantly whining or when baby whimpers , then he needs to retire to a place where the child cannot follow him. If you are at home, you can lock yourself in the bathroom until the child stops whining.

Shock therapy can be a very effective way to deal with a whimpering child. Instead of asking your child to stop whining and whining, you can ask your child to whine every time they start to say something. One of the mothers who used this technique with her whining son reminded him that she was so used to whining that if her son did not whine, she began to miss him. After that, the whining completely stopped, and my mother never mentioned him again.

Sometimes it is enough not to interfere, not to say anything, not to scold, and simply not to pay attention to the behavior of a whining child. In this case, the child often solves his own problems. For example, one mom told me that her daughter liked to whine about being bored. Mom completely ignored her daughter's behavior and, in the end, she announced that she would go to listen to CDs in her room.

A psychologist at a consultation can offer parents different options for reacting to undesirable behavior of children, sometimes some recommendation may not work. In this case, the consultant will suggest another option next time. But it also happens that, having understood the general approach to the problem, parents themselves come up with new techniques that turn out to be effective.