In life, every person has moments associated with the loss of loved ones, relatives or just acquaintances. And in the process of parting, despite the declared feeling of loss, one should express condolences about death - words are short, but succinctly put together and enable all those present to feel the depth of the loss.

My condolences - I sincerely worry

The depth of the emotional state that accompanies the loss can interfere and limit the possibility of the manifestation of sincere feelings. A great desire to cheer up and somehow alleviate the suffering of others often puts us in a situation where anxiety prevents us from choosing the right words, and we slip into common phrases that can sometimes even hurt. And a person in need of support and sympathy hears awkward formalized speech.

The sincerity of expressing condolences consists in conveying a piece of yourself to support loved ones in the hour of sorrow, in consolation and empathy in the grief that has visited. That is why the correct choice of phrases is so important - delicate, capacious, but at the same time short.

How not to go beyond morality?

The question of the appropriateness of condolences is quite relevant. The moment of expressing sympathy is in no way inferior in importance to the words. Almost every person who needs to express participation in grief tends to think about the timeliness of addressing support, the perception of his words. Lack of experience, fear of seeing the face of death, strained relations with the deceased do not add decisiveness and only exacerbate the situation. The person is lost and simply does not know how to behave.

Ignorance of the norms of etiquette in such cases gives rise to many questions:

• When can I call?
• Is it better to write or come directly yourself?
• Before or after the funeral to express condolences?

Despite the inner turmoil, you need to appear or call if there is a strong sense of the need for this, as well as the confidence that support will ease the person's suffering and help him get through a difficult period. Even if the deceased was not the best friend, words of encouragement will help loved ones, and support is very needed, including from strangers, in the case when a person is grieving, lonely and requires protection. Excessive shyness is unacceptable.

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Sincerity and the desire to help, as well as support in difficult times, is important, and if condolences are received coldly, all the same, obligations to your own conscience will be fulfilled. If misfortune has come to the home of a loved one, you need to call or meet immediately, as soon as the sorrowful news is received. Solidarity in grief can be expressed to acquaintances in the first days after the funeral. Giving condolences later for death requires a monosyllabic excuse. The grieving need this.

It is worth saying that one should not say the words of condolences about death in verse, even briefly. It is better to leave the writing of poetry for the epitaph, and during the hours of farewell to the deceased, poetry will be inappropriate.

Formal phrases should be avoided. Using them, the speaker will appear callous in the eyes of the bereaved. Let's take a look at the common mistakes:

• You should not make a grieving person feel guilty for his condition by appealing to calm down, stop grieving, or shed tears, as they will give him confidence that his loss is not appreciated.
• There is no need to express condemnation to the deceased with words that it was not worth doing something, since it became the cause of death. Death consumes all mistakes, obvious or not.
• Don't underestimate the cost of loss. You cannot take away from a person who has lost a loved one the right to grieve for the deceased.
• Do not make comparisons with someone who has experienced a similar loss, even if not with himself. These words can only cause irritation, because nothing beats personal grief about a deceased loved one.
• Do not pry about the circumstances or reasons that led to the loss. There is no room for this in sorrow.
• In moments of goodbye, you should not be distracted by extraneous topics.

Often, even a tacit presence will be enough, because in times of trouble and sorrow, we all need support and sympathy. Being alone with grief is very difficult and simply unbearable.

How to find the right words when writing condolences?

Expressing your feelings and finding the right words is difficult. However, this display of love and respect can be of great comfort to those who are grieving. Condolence letters are often kept for years and read over and over again. The purpose of their writing is to express respect for the deceased and support those who are mourning. Such a letter should come from the heart and be rather short, contain personal memories of the deceased, expressed simply and sincerely.

Offer your help and support. You need to be specific and not make promises that you cannot keep. Express your condolences to other family members as well. End the letter with an expression of love and support.

Below is an example of writing a letter of condolence to a colleague's wife:

“Dear [Name].

I am so sorry to hear about the tragic death of your husband. [Name] was an inspiration to everyone who knew him, and the news of his death shocked us. I understand how you must feel. Of our entire team, he was the most experienced and diligent employee, while maintaining his natural modesty. Many of our achievements are directly related to the activities of [Name]. He will be sorely missed by colleagues and friends. My thoughts are with you and your family. With deep condolences. [Name]".

• “When we lose a loved one here on earth, we get an angel in heaven who always sees us. Can you find comfort in having an angel watching over you right now? We / I express our / my most sincere condolences. "
• “A person who leaves this earth does not really go anywhere, because he is still alive in our hearts and minds. Please accept my / our condolences and know that he / she will not be forgotten. "
• “May our Lord bless and comfort you and your family in this time of trouble. Please accept my / our sincere condolences. "
• "Please accept our / my condolences and just know that we / I are always open to you, and please do not hesitate to ask for any help, especially during this difficult time."
• “I / we cannot even imagine what you are feeling now, but we would like to offer our prayers and condolences to you and your family.”
• "In this difficult time in your life, may my / our sympathy and sincere condolences help you."
• "I / we express to you our / our most sincere condolences and sorrow."
• “At this difficult time in your life, we / I ask God to give you the strength you need to get through this trial. Know that you are in our / my thoughts and prayers. "

Life is very fleeting, and sooner or later everyone will hear condolences on the occasion of death. Finding important words in such a situation is the best support.

When we express compassion, we take on some of the overwhelming burden of losing a loved one.

Condolences on death

Most often, there is a feeling that not a single word is suitable for the situation and can only hurt the bereaved more. It should be remembered that any participation, sympathy is necessary.

Against the background of a stressful situation, relatives and friends may not show emotions, gratitude, but, nevertheless, the words will be heard and will have an impact.

The examples below are not given in order for the bereaved to express condolences in a pompous manner. Knowing the patterns of such phrases is necessary so that, against the background of a nervous shock, it would be easier to find important and necessary words.

Universal condolences

• “Incomprehensible loss. It's hard to accept. I share your grief ”;
• “I share the pain of your loss. It is impossible to imagine that we will no longer see him / her (name). Please accept our condolences ”;
• “It is impossible to find words to express our sympathy. It hurts to think and talk about what happened. My condolences ";
• “The announcement of the tragedy that has happened amazed our entire family. On this day, you can count on any of our help and support ”;
• “It is still impossible to realize that this is not a monstrous mistake. We will always remember about (name). Everlasting memory".

On the occasion of the death of father, husband, grandfather

• “We mourn with you together. The loss of such a reliable life support is irreparable. Kingdom of heaven, servant / servant of God (name) ";
• “Today everyone mourns the death of (name) with you. We will remember him as a fair, sympathetic, reliable person. Our condolences";
• “It is difficult to find the right words today. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to grieve so much for him. I sympathize. Brace yourself. "

Condolences on the death of a child, close relative, mother

• “There is no dearer person for you. In our hearts, he will remain young, cheerful, full of strength. Everlasting memory";
• “Any loss is heavy. It is hundreds of times harder to lose a loved one. Be strong ";
• "Heavy. May God give you strength in this difficult period. Count on our help. "

Condolences in verse

This way of expressing grief must be used with great care.

Experience shows that at the moment of the loss of loved ones: parents, daughter, son, colleague, large poetic works are difficult to perceive, it is better to do it shortly.

It is not difficult to send a short quatrain, and after a while, dedicate a beautiful large-scale poem to the deceased and bring it to his relatives, or create a work in prose.

Dear, oh, how we grieve

A cold wind blows in my soul

And forever we love you

Nobody can replace you.

What a blessing that you were in the world

I'm grateful that you loved so much

I will not forget all the moments together

I ask you not to forget me either.

You are gone - the light has faded,

Happiness suddenly left the house.

And they dreamed of living for a whole century,

It all happened quickly ...

Sleep, beloved, calmly and sweetly.

The angel will take you into his own hands.

You endured everything calmly and steadily,

And now we are apart from you.

How to support a person in the death of a loved one

Any support during the period of loss of a loved one is important. Psychologists recommend the following example of how you can support in a difficult situation and offer condolences:

1. Show involvement, set yourself up. Intuition should prompt the compassionate to behave in a situation. It is important to remember that the discrepancy between experiences, perception of sad events, untimely consolation will be perceived as false and insincere.
2. Offer real, feasible help. A state of shock disorients a person, and he cannot organize and distribute the necessary actions in the correct order. How can you help? Sitting with the children, walking and feeding pets, helping with the purchase of ritual supplies, helping in organizing a memorial dinner, and so on.
3. Do not leave the bereaved alone. A person who has lost a loved one goes through several stages of an emotional state: shock, rejection of loss, anger, the emergence of feelings of guilt, depression, acceptance and adaptation.
4. Listen. Sometimes words are superfluous, just listening to the grieving person and showing condolences is the best support.
5. Help embrace grief. Don't talk about the need to be strong and overcome all adversity on your own. Let the person speak out and shed all the tears that have accumulated at the moment.
6. Show patience. Sometimes people who are faced with grief develop anger at the people around them. This outburst of anger is short-lived, but it needs help to be overcome.
7. Help in the preparation of ritual dates (3 days, 9 days, 40 days, anniversary of death).
8. Monitor the health of the bereaved.

What cannot be said to a person who has lost a loved one

What words cannot help in a tragic situation, and what cannot be said to a loved one of the deceased:

• I know / understand what you are experiencing;
• Time is the best healer. Hold on;
• You shouldn't shed tears, it won't make it any easier;
• He / she is tortured;
• Perhaps he / she needs God in heaven;
• You can still find another husband / wife. Give birth to another child.

These words hurt, because the grief of the grieving person is individual, and it cannot be evaluated by other people.

Words of comfort in writing

Ethical standards allow expressing words of condolences to family and friends and in writing. They must be written within two weeks from the moment of the tragedy, but not on the day of the funeral, and not on a postcard.

When writing a letter to a grieving person, a relative or a friend, it is worth pretending that he is conducting a face-to-face dialogue and directly expresses sympathy for a loved one of the deceased. This will make the text look genuine.

The writer should list the main merits of the deceased, talk about the importance of his role in the lives of others, sincerely sympathize with the situation, and find the necessary phrases of support. Such a message is not written for long and is referred to as "consolation" letters.

In the age of ubiquitous communication, modern messengers and other means of communication will help to express condolences. You can send a message:

• in social networks;
• advertise in a newspaper;
• by SMS, telegram;
• in the programs "Whatsapp", "Viber", etc.

Conclusion

When expressing condolences in your own words, be realistic about the fine line when they turn into ordinary, insincere phrases. Trust your intuition. Perhaps it is in this case that words of comfort do not exist. And those who have lost a loved one, in difficult times, need the presence of a silent, understanding listener nearby.

Perhaps one of your friends or acquaintances has lost a loved one. Most likely, you want to support this person, but often in such a situation it is difficult to find the right words. First, express your sincere condolences. Then provide the necessary emotional support. Listen to the grieving person. It is also important to provide practical assistance. For example, you can help with cooking or cleaning.

Steps

Make contact with the person

Choose the right time to talk. Make sure that you are ready for it before you move on to interacting with the grieving person. A person who has lost a loved one can be very upset. Also, he might be busy. So ask him if he can make time for you. If possible, talk to the grieving person in private.

• A person who has lost a loved one can be very sensitive to the attention of others, even after a funeral. Therefore, if you want to offer help, approach your friend or acquaintance when he is alone.

1. Express your sincere condolences. After learning that your friend or acquaintance has a loved one died, try to contact him as soon as possible. You can send a letter by email. However, it is best if you call or meet the person who has lost a loved one in person. You don't have to say too much during such a meeting. Say, "I'm sorry, my condolences." After that, you can say a few kind words about the deceased. Also promise that you will visit the person again soon.

   Mention that you are willing to help the person. At the next meeting, you will be able to fulfill your promise by providing the necessary assistance. Be specific about what you can do for the bereaved person. Thanks to this, he will know what you are ready to do for him, and it will be easier for you to keep your word. Tell me what kind of help you are willing to provide and how long you will need.

   • For example, if you are short on time, invite the grieving person to take the flowers from the funeral to the hospital or donate them to a charity.

2. Accept rejection with understanding. If you offer help, and the grieving person refuses you, then listen to his wishes and leave your offer of help until the next meeting. In any case, don't take it personally. Because the grieving person may be offered help by many, it can be difficult for the person to make the right decision.

   • You might say, "I understand that you are having a hard time making decisions. Let's talk about that next week."

3. Avoid sensitive topics. During the conversation, be very careful about mentioning something funny. If you don't know the person very well, avoid jokes altogether. In addition, the cause of death should not be discussed. Otherwise, the person will treat you like a gossip, rather than a sincere and compassionate person.

   Invite a friend to visit a bereaved help group. If you see that he is having a hard time coping with his feelings, offer to enlist the support of people who can help him with this. Find out if there is a bereaved support group in your area. You can conduct research using the Internet. Invite a friend to attend meetings with him.

   • Be very careful when inviting a friend to get help from a support group. For example, you might say, “I recently learned that there are special groups of people who gather to talk about their beloved deceased loved ones. I don’t know if you want to take part in such meetings. If you want to go, I’m ready do it with you. "

Offer practical help

1. Offer to help a friend or acquaintance provide the necessary information to other people. Most likely, a person who has lost a loved one will be very depressed because of what happened, so it will be difficult for him to provide the necessary information related to the death of a loved one. Take on this responsibility if necessary. Be prepared to give any help to the grieving person.

   • In addition, you can help collect the required documents. For example, you can help with obtaining a death certificate. Such documents are required in order to close the accounts of the deceased.
   • If the deceased person was famous, then, most likely, many people will call his family. Take responsibility for answering calls.

2. Help organize the funeral. Funerals usually involve many tasks. For example, you can discuss with the family of the deceased about the organization of the funeral. Such questions may concern the finances and the last wishes of the deceased person. Alternatively, you can take on the responsibility of writing and publishing an obituary. You can also write thank-you notes if needed.

   Find out if financial assistance is needed. If the deceased did not leave behind funds, find out how you can help with this. You may need to use dedicated resources to raise money for the funeral.

• If you do not know the person who has lost a loved one, send him a card with the words of condolences.

Warnings

• If you notice that the bereaved person is very depressed, suggest that they seek professional help.

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We intuitively and subconsciously understand how to behave in joyful, easy life situations and festive events. But there are events of a tragic nature - the death of a loved one, for example. Many are lost, faced with their unpreparedness for loss, for the majority such events are beyond acceptance and comprehension.

People experiencing loss are easily vulnerable, acutely feel insincerity and pretense, their feelings are overwhelmed with pain, they need help to calm it down, accept, reconcile, but in no case add pain with an accidentally thrown tactless word, incorrect phrase.

You need to be able to show increased tact and correctness, sensitivity and condescension. It is better to remain silent, showing delicate understanding, than to inflict additional pain, hurt disturbed feelings, and hook nerves overloaded with worries.

We will try to help you understand how to behave in a situation when the person next to you has suffered grief - the loss of a loved one, how to condole and choose the right words so that the person feels your support and sincere sympathy.

We must take into account the existing differences in condolences.

The form of expressing condolences for the loss will differ:

• Grandparents, relative;
• mother or father;
• brother or sister;
• a son or daughter - a child;
• husband or wife;
• boyfriend or girlfriend;
• colleagues, employee.

Because the depth of experiences differs.

Also, the expression of condolences depends on the severity of the grieving person's feelings about what happened:

• Inevitable death due to old age;
• inevitable death due to serious illness;
• premature, sudden death;
• tragic death, accident.

But there is the main, general condition, independent of the cause of the death that has occurred - the genuine sincerity of the expression of your grief.

The condolence itself should be short in form, but deep in content. Therefore, you need to find the most sincere words that accurately convey the depth of your sympathy and your willingness to provide support.

In this article, we will provide samples and examples of various forms of expressing condolences, we will help you choose sorrowful words.

You will need:

Form and method of filing

Condolences will have distinctive features in form and method of presentation, depending on their purpose.

Purpose:

1. Personal individual condolences to family and friends.
2. Formal individual or collective.
3. Newspaper obituary.
4. Farewell words of mourning at the funeral.
5. Funeral words at the commemoration: for 9 days, for the anniversary.

Submission method:

The factor of timeliness is important, therefore, the postal delivery method should be used only for sending a telegram. Of course, the fastest way to bring your condolences is to use modern communication tools: e-mail, Skype, Viber ..., but they are suitable for confident Internet users, and these should be not only senders, but also recipients.

Using SMS to show sympathy and empathy is acceptable only if there are no other opportunities for contact with the person, or if the status of your relationship is distant acquaintance or formal friendship. Follow this link to get on different occasions.

Submission form:

In writing:

• Telegram;
• email;
• electronic postcard;
• an obituary is a mourning note in a newspaper.

In oral form:

• In a telephone conversation;
• in person.

In prose: Suitable for both written and oral expressions of grief.
In verse: Suitable for writing expressing grief.

Important accents

All oral condolences should be short in form.

• It is more delicate to express formal condolences in writing. For this, a soulful verse is more suitable, to which you can pick up a photo of the deceased, the corresponding electronic pictures and postcards.
• Personal condolences must be exclusive and can be expressed both orally and in writing.
• For the most dear and close people, it is important to express or write sorrowful condolences in your sincere words, not formal, therefore, not stereotyped.
• Since poems are rarely exclusive, exclusively yours, so listen to your heart, and it will tell you words of comfort and support.
• Sincere should be not only words of condolence, but also an offer of any help that you can afford: financial, organizational.

Be sure to mention the distinctive personal virtues and character traits of the deceased person that you would like to keep in your memory forever as an example: wisdom, kindness, responsiveness, optimism, love of life, hard work, honesty. ...

This will be an individual part of the condolences, the main part of which can be formulated according to the example proposed in our article.

Universal Mournful Texts

1. “Let the earth rest in peace” is a traditional ritual phrase that is uttered after the burial has taken place, can be condolences at a commemoration, and is suitable even for atheists.
2. "We all mourn your irreparable loss."
3. "The indescribable pain of loss."
4. "I sincerely condole and sympathize with your grief."
5. "Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of a dear person."
6. "We will keep in our hearts the bright memory of a wonderful deceased person."

Help can be offered with these words:

• “We are ready to share the brunt of your grief, be by your side and provide the necessary assistance to you and your family.”
• “Surely, you will need to resolve many issues. You can count on us, accept our help. "

To the death of mom, grandmother

1. "The death of the closest person - mother - is an irreparable grief."
2. "The bright memory of her is forever in our hearts."
3. “How much we didn’t have time to tell her during our lifetime!”
4. "We sincerely grieve and condole with you at this bitter moment."
5. “Hold on! In memory of her. She would not want to see you desperate. "

To the death of her husband, dad, grandfather

• "I offer my sincere condolences and I express deep sympathy in connection with the death of a loved one, who was a reliable support for you and your family."
• "In memory of this strong man, you must show perseverance and wisdom in order to survive this grief and continue what he did not have time to complete."
• "We will carry the bright and kind memory of him through our whole life."

To the death of a sister, brother, friend, loved one

1. “It is painful to realize the loss of a loved one, but it is even more difficult to come to terms with the departure of young people who have not known life. Everlasting memory!"
2. "Allow me to express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of this grievous, irreplaceable loss!"
3. “Now you have to become a support for your parents! Remember this and hold on! "
4. "God help you to survive and endure the pain of this loss!"
5. "For the sake of your children, their peace and well-being, you need to cope with this grief, find the strength to live and learn to look into the future."
6. "Death does not take love, your love is immortal!"
7. "Bright memory to a wonderful person!"
8. "He will forever remain in our heart!"

If you are at a distance, find out via SMS. Select the appropriate message and send to the addressee.

To the death of a colleague

• “We have worked side by side for the past few years. He was an excellent companion and an example for young colleagues. His professionalism served as an example for many. You will forever remain in our memory as an example of life's wisdom and honesty. May the earth rest in peace to you! "
• “Her / his dedication to her work has earned her / him the respect and love of everyone who knew her / him. He / She will forever remain in my memory. "
• “You've been a great employee and friend. How we will miss you. May the earth rest in peace to you! "
• “I cannot accept the thought that you are not there. It seems only recently we drank coffee, discussed work and laughed ... I will really miss you, your advice and crazy ideas. "

To the death of a believer

The text of condolences may contain the same mournful words as for a secular person, but an Orthodox Christian should add:

• Ritual phrase:

"Kingdom of heaven and eternal rest!"
"God is merciful!"

My dear, I very much empathize with your grief. My condolences ... Be strong!
- Friend, I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you and your family. I offer my sincere condolences.
- A wonderful man has left. My condolences to you, my dear, and to all your family in this sad and difficult moment.
“This tragedy has hurt all of us. But of course, she touched you the most. Accept my condolences.

How to give condolences in Islam (Muslims)?

It is sunnah to express condolences in Islam. However, it is undesirable for the relatives of the deceased to gather in one place to receive condolences. The main purpose of expressing condolences is to call people who have suffered misfortune to patience and contentment with the predestination of Allah. The words that should be spoken when expressing condolences are: "May Allah grant you beautiful patience and may He forgive the sins of your deceased (your dead)."

How to give condolences over the phone?

In the case when words of condolence are pronounced over the phone, you can (but not necessarily) add briefly: “Let the earth rest in peace!”. If you have the opportunity to provide assistance (organizational, financial - any), then this phrase is convenient to end the words of condolences, for example, “These days you will probably need help. I would like to be of service. Count on me to call at any time! "

How to deal with a bereaved person?

It is not necessary to grieve, cry with him, letting someone else's suffering pass through him. You will be much more effective in your help if you act rationally, deliberately. One way to deal with loss is to talk about it over and over again. This will react with strong emotions. You need to listen carefully to the person, answer his questions if necessary. Give a person to express his emotions, experiences. It can be tears, anger, irritation, sadness. You do not give assessments, you just listen carefully, you are near. Tactile contact is possible, that is, a person can be hugged, taken by the hand, the child can be put on his knees.

Not 5

It should be understood that a mourning speech is delivered at the funeral, which is addressed to the entire circle of guests. The funeral is a rather difficult event and the relatives choose a person with good diction and who knew the deceased well.

If you are reading a memorial speech, then you should not rely on improvisation, it is okay if you record a speech. Optimal speech time up to 5 minutes... You should not retell the entire biography of the deceased. The speaker must select the brightest, most important, good moments that expose all the best qualities of the deceased.

Since you personally knew the deceased, you can recall a good deed, good words, or moments, and also emphasize how important this person was to you. At the end of the speech, they usually talk about what the deceased taught us, what benefit he did, that he did not live his life in vain.

You cannot recall the shortcomings and bad actions of the deceased in a mourning speech, remember that you can say good things about a bad person. For example, if a person was greedy, then we can say that although he did not always know how to share joy with others, he is an example for us how to be happy ourselves and achieve everything with our work! Thus, guests will learn about the deceased, about his eventful life, good deeds.

Warm words warm the souls of guests and relatives, thus, the loss is more easily tolerated.

Example of composing a speech:

1. Appeal:

Dear guests [Name]!
-Dear relatives and friends!
-Dear family and friends of our beloved [Name]

2. Who you are:

I am the husband of our revered [Name].
-I am the sister of the [Name] we remember today.
-We and [Name] have worked / served together for a long time / recent years.

3. How it all happened:

Mother was ill for a long time; we understood what would happen, but when they called us from the hospital ...
-When I learned that [Name] had died, that evening I could not think of anything else.
-Although my grandfather lived a long life, the news of death struck me.
- Today is 9 days since my mother left us.
-A year ago we said goodbye to [Name], a respected and worthy person.

4. A few words about the best qualities of the deceased:

Grandmother was the kindest person, she often received guests in her cozy house in the village.
-She was very generous and her smile gave everyone a good mood.
-He was known as an optimist and a person with whom it is easy to go through life.
- He was a support for all of us, you could always rely on him in difficult times.

Remember that funeral speech must come from your heart, just take a pen and write about what is in your soul, describe the deceased. Better to let your speech be formally incorrect, but sincere, which will touch the hearts of the guests.

An example of a mourning speech here are few facts from life, but the speech was spoken from the heart:

Dear relatives and friends! I am the husband of our revered [Name] Having learned about the tragedy, for a long time I could not believe what had happened, the whole evening I could not think about anything and still it seems to me that this is just a dream.
Not many people know how pure and bright a person [Name] was. Already at the age of 18, she made her first journey, and this passion to see something new remained forever in her heart. On one of these trips we met, it was an unforgettable month in an unforgettable city.
We both considered ourselves free as birds, and did not want to tie the knot, but this acquaintance turned everything upside down. She was an incredibly kind and helpful person. She always helped strangers, always took into account the opinions of others and avoided conflicts. I am glad that although so little, I was with her and was able to enjoy the purity, tenderness and feelings that [Name] gave me I will always remember you [Name] your warm smile will forever remain in our hearts!

What do they say at the commemoration?

At the commemoration, everyone can show their respect to the deceased. If you want to honor the memory of a loved one, prepare in advance, come up with a good toast or verse to stand at the memorial table and honor the memory of a dear person.

Before sitting down at the table, the deceased is honored with a minute of silence. The Orthodox begin the commemoration with the reading of Psalm 90 and the prayer "Our Father". The owner of the house invites guests to the table and people sit down without sitting on the empty seat allocated to the deceased.

First word given to the owner of the house: -Today we saw off our loved one on the last journey (he calls him as it was customary in the family). May the earth rest on him / her and eternal memory. (Bows to a portrait or an empty seat of the deceased).

Everyone drinks (traditionally jelly). Without clinking glasses. Then the word is passed to the presenter. The presenter also delivers his speech, ending it with the words: - Let the earth (calls the name and patronymic of the deceased) rest in peace, and eternal memory!

Then the mourning words allow the presenter to say to everyone from the old age to the minority: As a rule, these are toasts, at the end of which they say Let the earth be [Name] rest in peace, and eternal memory!

In memorial words, the use of aphorisms, favorite expressions of the deceased, stories from life is allowed. Any negative words, talk about bad character traits, showdown are not allowed.

Example: Friends, today is the day of sorrow. There was a time when we had fun and rejoicing with the one who left (her) from us. But today you and I are drinking this cup of sorrow ourselves, having spent the last journey of a person close to us. Not everyone in the world was honored with dormition, like the Mother of God and other holy people. But we will preserve in our hearts a good memory of our friend, having the hope for the resurrection and for a new meeting in a new place. Let's drink the wine of sorrow for this!

Example: We are sad and sad And there are no other feelings. Let's remember all the parents, Let's remember all the relatives! Let us remember all those who have passed away, In the prime of their years, Brothers, sisters of the dead, Acquaintances and strangers! They once lived And made us happy, Laughed and loved, They took care of us. For a long time or recently They are no longer with us, And we tenderly bring a bouquet to the grave!

Or just cases from life, someone will remember how well he drew, someone how they worked great together, and someone will tell about his good deed.

Example: “Our grandfather was a very kind and good person. His path was long and difficult. All the difficulties that fell to the lot of the country, he perceived as his own. He worked and raised children without complaining about the lack of benefits, lack of food or amenities. He raised children, was a support for his grandchildren. We will all miss this wonderful man very much. Blessed memory of him! "

You need to pronounce the memorial words while standing. After your commemorative words, the head of the family always ends your words with the phrase - Let the earth (calls the name and patronymic of the deceased) rest in peace, and eternal memory! Or for believers of the Kingdom of him / her heavenly and eternal rest.

When everyone speaks out, the head of the house thanks everyone for their kind words, once again wishes everyone to be strong in order to survive the bitterness of loss, to remain firm for all times. Everyone gets up, drinks, bows and sits down again. By tradition, the last toast is made by the eldest woman in the family, or the eldest of the family. She also thanks everyone for coming and honoring the memory of the deceased and, if necessary, invites everyone to the next commemoration. After the last toast, they do not say goodbye, but bow to the portrait of the deceased (or to an empty seat at the table) and, at the exit, bring words of condolences to relatives.

How to express condolences over death?

What shouldn't be said? Often on such difficult days it is very difficult for us to formulate our thoughts and correctly express our condolences. We begin to speak general phrases, instead of simply supporting people dear to us in difficult times. Consider what is best not to say when expressing your condolences:

2. God has judged, for all the will of God, God took away. You cannot say such a phrase to a mother who has lost a small innocent child, thus you seem to say that God did this to them. Better to say that now man is in a better world.

3. How are you? You do not need to dryly ask your relatives how they are doing, if there is a need to maintain a conversation, it is better to ask how you feel? What's on your mind? However, if you are not a close person, then it is enough to ask about the funeral itself, to ask if there is something that I can do for you.

4. Everything will be fine, don't cry! You should not try to cheer up the loved ones of the deceased with such expressions, after all, this is mourning and these days, relatives most often want to think about today, and not about the future.

5. Wishes oriented to the future do not relate to the words of condolences: "I wish you to recover faster after such a tragedy."

6. It is considered bad form to find positive moments in tragedy and devalue loss. Nothing, give birth yet! He was very sick and finally, he was tortured! Remember that people have gathered here to honor the memory of the deceased.

7. You are not the only one, it can be worse, this is what happened with ... ..Such statements are tactless and do not help to alleviate the pain of loss.

8. You can't look for someone to blame. We hope this driver gets jailed! We hope this killer will be punished. Such statements also do not apply to words of condolence.

9. “You know, he drank a lot and was a drug addict, they don’t last long.” Such statements are also tactless, about the dead, or good or nothing.

10. Questions "How and where did this happen?" and others, it is also not appropriate to ask for condolences.

Oral condolences to the loved ones of the deceased

The most important thing is that your words of condolence are sincere and heartily. For example, if you did not know the deceased and his relatives well, then a simple handshake or hug with the words of condolences to your loss will be enough. The same applies to people who simply do not have words or only two words, my condolences to you. You can simply hug, take by the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, thereby showing that you sincerely sympathize and share your grief with the family of the deceased.

It is considered good form to offer help, ask if I can do something for you? Most often, they will politely answer you, no thanks, you shouldn't. But if help is really needed, then it can be help in preparing dishes for the commemoration, in submitting notes to the church for holding church liturgies for the deceased, and even financial assistance.

How do I find words of condolence for a death?

To make it easier to express your condolences, think about the deceased, who he was to you, remember good events in life, his actions and joint affairs. Also think about the feelings of your family, how hard it is for them, how they feel. This will help you find words for condolence.

If you feel guilty about something in front of the deceased, your sincere apology will be good form, because condolences are both forgiveness and reconciliation. You do not need to squeeze words out of yourself, if they are not there, then just come up and sincerely say how you condole, in your eyes, and so everything will be visible. Below are the examples of words of condolences:

He meant a lot to me and to you, I grieve with you. Let it be a consolation for us that he gave so much love and warmth.

Let's pray for him. There are no words to express your sorrow.

She meant a lot in your life and mine. We will never forget…

It is very difficult to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. How can I help you? You can always count on me.

I'm sorry, my condolences. If I can do something for you, I will be very glad.

I would like to offer my help. I would gladly help you ...

Unfortunately, in this imperfect world, you have to experience this. He was a bright person whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me any minute.

This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. You, of course, are now the hardest of all. I want to assure you that I will never leave you. And I will never forget her.

Please, let's walk this path together. Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy were my arguments and quarrels with this bright and dear person.

Excuse me! I grieve with you. This is a huge loss. And a terrible tragedy. I pray and will always pray for you and for him.

It is difficult to express in words how much good he did to me. All our disagreements are dust. And what he did for me, I will carry through my whole life. I pray for him and grieve with you. I will be happy to help you at any time.