Problems with classmates. Problems at school. Outcast at school. Outcast in the classroom. Outcast children. Bullying at school. Bullying at school. Beaten at school. Classmates tease. Pedagogical assistance to outcast children

30.06.2019

The child has been going to school for a long time and you suddenly began to notice that he is becoming more and more withdrawn and does not want to talk about what is happening in the class. You notice that your son's or daughter's notebooks, textbooks, and other personal belongings are often dirty or torn. The child does not want to go to school, perhaps skips lessons, he has no friends in the class, he even finds it difficult to ask his classmates for homework. All this is a set of very alarming signs that indicate that your child is being bullied at school.

Why does a child become an outcast

The most important sign by which a potential victim of bullying can be identified is dissimilarity. Children - “white crows”, who differ from the general mass of classmates, are very often subjected to ridicule, humiliation, and various kinds of bullying. A child can stand out not only for his appearance. He may have envy talents or certain character traits that, for one reason or another, are rejected by children in class.

In any children's group, one can single out a leader, popular children-"stars", the total mass, which is "like everyone else" - the crowd following the rest of the ignored children. They, in principle, are not persecuted, but they are not popular either. The lowest link in this hierarchy will be the outcast child, a kind of opposition, on which the whole class “plays out” and throws off negative emotions.

Classmates do not always act as persecutors. In some cases, the teacher may also be the instigator. And children, imitating, simply pick up this "wave" and continue the work started by the teacher. In this case, the reason may be a conflict between the teacher and the child's parents or something that defies usual logic. But, as a rule, teachers simply “don't notice” the outcast child and pretend that nothing is happening and everything is within the bounds of what is permitted, and meanwhile, the persecuted child suffers greatly.

More often than not, children with a closed character, "quiet ones" who prefer to communicate more with books than with other students, become outcasts. A child with an unusual appearance or some kind of anomaly often falls prey to his classmates. Children subconsciously feel a weaker student who is not able to give a decisive rebuff and try to provoke him. Sometimes, just one serious verbal attack is enough, to which the victim could not respond, and the offensive nickname will stick to the child for a long time. Gradually, children become more and more impudent and subsequently, they switch to forceful methods of influencing the victim. All this can seriously damage the psyche of a child or even take it to extremes.

If an outcast child leaves a school where he was subjected to bullying, children who have tasted the aggression and violence will immediately find a replacement for him.

How to help an outcast child

If you find out that your child has been bullied, do not take rash steps and run on the same day to deal with the offenders... So you can only do harm. Perhaps for some time, even for several days, the aggressors will stop their bullying, but as a result, it will only get worse. A child who is already an outcast will be considered a scammer, and this will not add to his popularity. The offenders will become more sophisticated and begin to act more secretly, but at the same time, they will be no less humiliating and aggressive.

As a rule, children living this situation from the inside are silent to the last, fearing to provoke even greater aggression. Therefore, you do not need to render your child a "disservice" with your intervention, without consulting the child and asking him about how he represents a way out of the situation and how you can help in order to find a suitable solution.

Never blame your child for the situation. Whatever school "teachers" tell you. The victim of bullying is already very hard. Do not make the situation of the persecuted child worse. This can lead to the most unpredictable, but always tragic consequences. In this situation, you need to be very careful to understand so as not to cripple the child's psyche completely.

It is unlikely that "intimate conversations" with the offender or the victim will help here. In the process of bullying, everyone suffers: a victim who has received low self-esteem and experience of humiliation, an aggressor who is accustomed to impunity, depriving himself of the opportunity to have real strong and emotional relationships with someone, and, finally, the general mass, which simply does not cowardly interfere. In the future, each member of this crowd acquires an inability to resist public opinion and is afraid of any manifestations of non-standard situations in the team.

The most correct option in this case is to transfer the child to another school, preferably farther away. No arguments that “you need to solve these problems yourself”, “give me back, don’t be a slobber”, “another school is far away and it is inconvenient for me to take my child there” should interfere with the translation.

Your inconvenience is nothing compared to your traumatized psyche. And before you send your son or daughter to a new children's team, you must definitely contact a specialist, a psychologist who can increase self-esteem and correctly set up your child for successful interaction with new classmates.

If a child has been bullied, you must act very carefully so as not to harm him even more. Try to pay more attention to him, build trusting relationships. As strange as it sounds, your child has gained a valuable experience, even such a bitter one. And what conclusions he will draw and what he will bring to a new life depends on you.

Have you ever faced bullying in a team? How else can you help the victim?

On one of the forums: “My daughter has been studying in grade 4 for 10 years, she studies well without“ 3 ”, but the fact is that we came to this class that year. At first, everyone in the class talked to her, but now she simply does not want to go to this school, they will tear her diary, sometimes they call her names, they don’t communicate, but as control ones, well, almost everyone runs to her with requests for help! I talked to the teacher, she promised to figure it out, but everything is repeated again! What do i do? How to protect your child from attacks? "

Which children are most prone to becoming outcasts in the classroom?

Foreign psychologists identify the following psychological risk factors: first of all, these are children with physical disabilities. Disabled children with visible physical defects, congenital anomalies, mental retardation or chronic mental illness.

Such children can not only become outcasts in the classroom, but also be burdensome for their parents. Parents who care more about how they and their child appear in the eyes of others than about the child themselves see it as a symbol of their own damaged self-reflection. They may neglect the psychological needs of the child: for love, for attention, for acceptance, for protection, and so on.

In addition, children can contribute to violence, both on the part of the class and on the part of teachers, through their aggressiveness, hyperactivity and impulsivity. This behavior can be regarded as provocative.

Child victims tend to have less physical strength than the abuser. They are anxious and insecure, more sensitive and passive. These children often have symbiotic (too close) bonds with their parents and have little social experience and support.

Psychologists highlight some of the victim's behavioral traits: he is ridiculed, pushed and kicked, tries to avoid fights, his things are taken away or destroyed, comes home in torn clothes, scratches and bruises, peers do not accept him in their games, almost no one is friends with him, tries to stay close to the teacher.

If this is a portrait of your child, then you have a reason to clarify the situation in his school and class.

The teacher M.M. Kravtsova in her book “Outcast Children. Psychological work with the problem "writes:" It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the team. But often they notice before teachers that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has a bad relationship with classmates. In this case, you need to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher to dispel doubts than to allow the situation to spiral out of control. In a similar situation, parents turn to a school psychologist for help. Communicating with the parents of unpopular schoolchildren, I tentatively identified several types of their reactions to the situation in the classroom.

* Parents understand that the child has communication problems, but do not know how to help him (sometimes they are convinced that this is impossible to do). They admit that in childhood they also experienced difficulties in communicating with peers.

The mother of the second-grader Fedya is very withdrawn herself, at school she hardly communicates with anyone, waiting for her son after school, at parental meetings and holidays she usually shuns other parents. I always see her with an anxious expression on her face, during a conversation with me or the class teacher, she keeps herself tense. Once we witnessed Fedya's quarrel with classmates. Mom was confused and scared.

Uncommunicative, withdrawn parents cannot teach a child to effectively interact with others. After all, the most important example is the example that parents give their children when communicating with other people.

* Parents believe that everything is in order for the child, and if there are any problems, those around them are to blame: teachers who improperly organize communication in the class; children who are aggressive and do not know how to communicate normally; their parents raising their children in the wrong way.

The mother of a very aggressive boy, Andrei, did not want to admit that the problem was not her son's classmates, but his inability to communicate with them. Andrei loved to laugh at the failures of his comrades, called them names, and tried to lead in games. According to the results of sociometry, it turned out that none of his classmates wants to take Andrey into his team and no one would entrust him with their secret.

one). By the way, sometimes it is the position of the parents that becomes the reason for the rejection of their child by others. The child tends to consider others to be guilty of his problems, does not know how to admit his mistakes, treats his peers with a sense of superiority, does not want to reckon with their interests and opinions. In the studies of V.M. Galuzinsky emphasizes that the reasons for the rejection of some tenth graders lie in individualism, fueled by parents (for example, emphasizing the special giftedness of their child in comparison with others)

Sometimes parents are right - those around them are really to blame for the bad attitude towards their child ”.

So what do you do if your child is rejected?

School psychologist Marina Mikhailovna writes: “Not all children can and want to tell their parents about their problems, and the older the child, the less likely he will complain to his parents about what is happening. It is worth showing interest in your child's affairs, but doing it unobtrusively. If he doesn't tell anything himself, you should watch him.

First of all, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child's relationship with classmates, see how the child behaves in class after school or at recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom he communicates, who communicates with him etc. You can turn to a school psychologist for help, it is easier for him to monitor children.

The following symptoms may indicate that the child is bad in the classroom, he is rejected.

Child:

- reluctantly goes to school and is very glad of any opportunity not to go there;

- returns from school depressed;

- often cries for no obvious reason;

- never mentions any of his classmates;

- speaks very little about his school life;

- does not know who to call to learn lessons, or refuses to call anyone at all;

- for no apparent reason (as it seems) refuses to go to school;

- lonely: no one invites him to visit, to birthdays, and he does not want to invite anyone to him.

How can you help your child build relationships in the classroom (counseling a psychologist to parents)?

Be sure to warn the teacher about your child's problems (stuttering, having to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encoporesis, skin diseases should be monitored and, if possible, treated. All this can cause ridicule from peers.

It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet the general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then you should not offer pink shorts to your child, believing that this is not important. It may not matter for the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This does not mean that you have to follow the child's lead and buy him a hat "like Lenka from 5" B "".

Encourage your child to change their behavior. After all, if a stereotype has developed, then any action is predictable: The child behaves according to a pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able not only to puzzle his pursuers, but also to take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can offer the child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone in a row, look in the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: "So what?" - or start laughing with them. In general, to do what is not expected of him at all.

Try to ensure that your child interacts with classmates outside of school. Invite them to visit, arrange those holidays, encourage the child to communicate with them.

It is necessary to promote the child's participation in class activities, trips in every possible way. You should not immediately pick up your child from school after school, even for the sake of English or music lessons. Otherwise, all the guys will become friends with each other, and your child will remain a stranger in the classroom.

You should not come to school personally to deal with the offenders of your child, it is better to inform the class teacher and the psychologist. Do not rush to rush to protect the child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to go through all the stages of the conflict - this will help him learn to independently solve many problems. But, while accustoming the child to independence, it is important not to overdo it and not to miss a situation with which the child is not able to cope without the intervention of adults. Such a situation, of course, is the systematic bullying and bullying of a child by peers.

Attention! If the situation has gone too far, for example, a child is constantly humiliated or beaten, react immediately. First of all, protect the child from communication with the offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with the offenders is not the most important thing (although you should not leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim for themselves). It is important to help your child cope with the trauma he has received, so he will most likely have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and to trust them.

A few words about self-confidence

If the child in the class is not loved and rejected, his parents need to:

- be ready to cooperate with a teacher and a psychologist;

- show tolerance and restraint towards offenders;

- and most importantly - to support your child.

I have already said that children often become unpopular if they have any physical disabilities or behavioral problems, and are insecure. It is the parents who can help the child overcome the feeling of inferiority, turn the disadvantage into dignity. However, parents, on the contrary, are often too critical and intolerant of the peculiarities of their child. Unfortunately, we too often give any assessment to the actions and words of our children, sometimes without even noticing it. The child seems to us too active, and we, lamenting, say to our friend: "He is restless." Thus, we predict his future, based on our assessment, and, communicating with the child, we begin to drive him into the framework of our negative prognosis. “You are always spinning, mad! You can never sit silently ... "and so on. If a child is quiet and does not seek to communicate with others, we worry that it will be difficult for him to make friends, he will be lonely. The child says something that does not correspond to our mood, we abruptly cut him off: "Again you are talking nonsense!" By sticking labels, we convince the child - he is just like that: insecure, restless, stupid. The child, first unconsciously, and then consciously, begins to build his behavior, proceeding from the role prescribed to him by adults.

Boy Vasya, the hero of the story by Yu. Yakovlev "Knight Vasya", because of his fullness and awkwardness, was nicknamed Matufyak, and he dreamed of knightly armor. But “besides the mocking mirror, my mother brought him back to reality. Hearing his steps from the kitchen, from which the glasses clinked pitifully, my mother shouted: “Caution! An elephant in a china shop! "". And parents in this difficult situation from allies and helpers themselves turn into persecutors, and the child is left alone with his problem. If the parents do not accept the child as he is, they mock him, then what can we expect from the rest.

As a child, I really liked the tales of the wonderful Finnish writer Tove Janson about Moomin. In one of them, the Moomintroll, playing hide and seek with his friends, hid in the Wizard's hat and left there so transformed that his friends did not recognize him and even gave him a thrashing. The Moomin-mother who came to the noise also did not recognize her son at first, but, looking intently into his "frightened eyes-plates", she admitted that it was Moomin-troll. And then he became himself again. Moominmama hugged him and uttered the words that especially impressed me: “I will always recognize my little Moomin-son, no matter what happens”. For me, these words are the main meaning of parental love and support: acceptance and assistance to the child in any situation. The main thing is to be able to accept your child (maybe more shy or overly emotional compared to others) as he is ...

Calm, self-confident parents, who do not expect instant super-achievements from the child, who are sympathetic to his successes and failures, are the key to the child's development of self-confidence and adequate self-esteem.

How to help your child become more confident (appeal of a psychologist to parents)

In difficult situations, do not strive to do everything for the child, but do not leave him alone. Offer to deal with the problem together (no matter if it's your shoelaces or your first fight with a friend). Sometimes it is enough just to be with the child while he is trying to do something.

Parental love for a child is not an obvious thing; if the parents do not show their warm feelings in any way, then the child may decide that he is not loved. This will form in him a sense of helplessness and insecurity, and therefore, self-doubt. Body contact helps to overcome this feeling. You can just pat the child on the head, hug, sit on your knees. It will never be superfluous neither for kids, nor for preschoolers, nor for younger students.

All of the above does not mean that the child should not be criticized. But, while censuring him, you should make it clear that you are criticizing a specific act of the child, and your attitude towards him does not change. You can tell your child: "We always love you, no matter what you do, but sometimes it is difficult for us not to be angry (resent) at you!"

Friends of children

Parents are often concerned about the problem of the child's friendship with peers. Usually they worry that their child is either not friends with anyone, or is friends with the wrong one.

Shy children usually have problems with friends. Indeed, shy and timid children are more likely than aggressive children to suffer from isolation. Therefore, a very shy and reserved child needs the help of adults to establish communication. In a favorable classroom environment, such a child gradually finds a suitable companion and feels quite comfortable.

Sometimes very sociable parents worry that they are; the child does not seek to actively communicate with peers, he has few friends. But some need many friends to feel happy, while others need just one friend. According to research by psychologists, at least one mutual affection in the classroom makes a child more self-confident and provides him with a more comfortable existence in a team compared to a child who is chosen by many, but not those whom he chooses. Having friends is a very important part of a child's emotional well-being. Regardless of age, a friend for a child is someone with whom it is interesting, who will support, with whom you can do something together, this is the feeling that you are not alone and is interesting to someone. Growing up, the child invests in the concept of friendship more serious and deeper relationships.

Parents usually get upset if those whom their child calls friends, offend him, neglect him, do not value friendship. If parents do not like their child's friends, then you should not insist on ending the relationship and constantly criticize the friend or girlfriend. It makes sense to draw the child's attention to the negative aspects of the peer and leave it to him to decide whether to continue this relationship. Sometimes it is enough, as if by the way, to ask: “Well, did Petya wait for you?”, “Did Tanya treat you with something?” To make the child think about how his friends relate to him. It happens that the child retains a humiliating relationship for him from hopelessness. For example, at the dacha he has no one else to communicate with, and he is glad to have any companion. And the other child understands that they depend on him, and uses it.

Quiet, dreamy Nastya treasured her friendship with the brisk and self-confident Masha, who constantly guided her, forced her to obey. Something was not on her. Masha threatened Nastya that she would not be friends with her. Nastya was often upset because of this, but, according to her mother, she continued to "dance to the tune of the Machine." This was until Nastya went to school, where she had new friends - she saw that relationships can be built in a different way, without blackmail and threats, on an equal footing. Nastya has become more critical of Masha. When I asked what she dislikes most of all in her peers, Nastya said: “I don’t like it when they are forced to do what I don’t want, and they say:“ Then I won’t play with you anymore! ”Here is my friend Masha doing this.” I asked why she continues to communicate with her. Nastya replied: "Masha comes up with a lot of things, it's interesting with her."

As practice shows, children actively rejected by their classmates usually do not have stable friendships outside of school. However, if a child unpopular in the classroom has the opportunity to communicate with peers in addition to school - in the yard or in circles where he is accepted and appreciated - then the lack of recognition at school does not hurt him.

How to help a child in choosing friends (appeal of a psychologist to parents)

You need to know all of your child's friends, especially if you are afraid of negative influence from them. We need to help organize communication for the child, create an appropriate environment. It's not enough just to give it to a suitable team, invite the children home, if possible, get to know their parents. Most importantly, gently create an acceptable social circle for the child (you should take care of this while the child is still young). It can be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and friendly attitude to each other.

The task of parents is not only to support a child in a difficult situation, but also to teach him how to interact with others. There is no need to try to completely protect the child from negative experiences. In everyday life, it is impossible to avoid anger, resentment, or encounter with cruelty. It is important to teach children to resist aggressors without being like them. The child should be able to say “no”, not to succumb to the provocations of his comrades, to treat failures with humor, to know that it is sometimes more correct to devote adults to his problems than to understand on his own, and be sure that his relatives will not dismiss him, but will help and support in difficult times.

The material is based on the book by M.M. Kravtsova “Outcast Children. Psychological work with the problem ”.

All over the world and in almost every class there are one or two students who do not fit into the team. Peers do not want to accept them, many teachers are disdainful, resentment and nagging arise almost every day. Especially the problem of "white crows" manifests itself in transitional adolescence, when the child begins the process of identifying himself as a person and the need for self-affirmation.

Related materials:

A child who has fallen under the "distribution" desperately needs the help of adults and sometimes psychologists. Because when this problem remains open, the consequences can be very serious.

How can you tell if a child has become an outcast?

It's good when your child speaks openly about the events at school and shares his experiences, but mostly the child tries to keep the problem within himself. Moreover, the more he is slaughtered at school, the more he withdraws into himself. This can also serve as an indicator that a problem exists. Pay attention to the mood in which your child goes to school:

does not want to go to school, or dramatically changes mood when talking about school and classmates;
comes home upset, sullen, or aggressive;
crying for no reason;
bruises, abrasions, torn clothing and lack of explanation for the incident;
does not introduce you to friends, does not go to visit classmates;
when clarifying homework, he tries not to call anyone or does not know who;
the child's things began to disappear;
often pretends to be sick to avoid going to school, or enjoys being out of school.

The task of parents who have noticed problems in the child's behavior is to talk to him about it. But since children do not always want to talk about such things, it will be very difficult to get an adequate answer. You can contact a teacher or school principal, but they rarely see the full picture of the relationship between their students, they are much more concerned about academic performance. You need to tune in to a sincere conversation, very carefully lead to it, while it is important not to put pressure on the child.

Outcast child: finding out the reasons

After it became clear that there is a problem, it is necessary to deal with its cause. What exactly pushes the team away from the child, and how serious is it?

Untidiness or poverty. A man in worn out, wrinkled or unkempt-looking clothes from the Middle Ages causes a negative impression, let alone the era of gadgets and megacities. At the same time, children do not immediately understand the division into rich and poor, therefore a person who somehow stands out from the crowd with his appearance immediately causes dissonance, fear and neglect.

Expressed physical or. Strabismus, stuttering, short stature, overweight are the most common causes of negativity in the team. At the same time, they can be aggravated by natural isolation and inability to stand up for themselves.

Moral weakness. Such children cannot stand up for themselves, they are afraid of those who are physically stronger or more insolent. Noticing this, the guys begin to persecute for a reason: he still won't do anything to me.

Initial withdrawal and negative attitude. Children also often begin to be afraid of such "beech", while the very character of the child can be considered by the collective as a protest, which leads to the process of rejection.

Although the reason for teasing can be any: presence, and simply; the presence of glasses; a hairstyle that seems strange or unfashionable to some classmates; a specific habit, such as not tying your shoelaces; lack of a specific mobile phone model; regular homework, and so on, and so forth. Some children assert themselves at the expense of others, while others, for various reasons, play along with them.

The next step is to determine the scale of the problem. As a rule, some conflict situations at school are either systematic or isolated. It is also necessary to distinguish an outcast from a simply unpopular child. Rogue classmates:

do not respect, tease, laugh at him;

beat, humiliate;

forced to obey orders, extort things, money;

blame for everything.

These are the main, most frequent complaints of such children about problems in the classroom. It's just that an unpopular child can tell parents that:

no one is friends with him and does not sit at the same desk;

he seems to be overlooked.

If a child is not popular among classmates, then he, too, can be very upset, upset. But in this case, you only need to work with him, increasing self-esteem, sociability, self-confidence, activity. In another, more complex version, it is necessary to work not only with the outcast, but also with the offenders. Both sides need help from adults.

How can you help your child fight this?

The first is not to panic or try to take the initiative into your own hands. It is not necessary to flee to punish the offenders of the child or to transfer him to another educational institution. With the instigators, separate preventive work should be carried out by both psychologists and teachers. Also, do not put pressure on the child with remarks: "figure it out yourself", "don't be like a rag" and the like - aggression on the part of the parents can lead to a completely irreversible effect, even up to suicide. The child should see support and love in you, know that you perceive him as he is, and will always be on his side.

Try writing an antiscript with your child. After all, the persecutors are used to and expect a certain reaction from the victim, teach the child to react outside the box. This behavior will confuse the offenders, and it is likely that, without getting the usual "entertaining effect", the attacks will stop. Also, be sure to develop his communication skills - often go to visit him, to concerts, exhibitions. He should communicate with people as much as possible and not be afraid of it. The school will end, the children will disperse, and the problem of “the black sheep will remain”, so it is necessary to make it clear that not all people are bad, and it is interesting to communicate with them, it is possible and necessary. And another important factor in victory over complexes is a sense of humor - this helps to discharge the situation, besides, people are always drawn to positive-minded people. Well, do not forget to teach the child to be accurate, and, if possible, correct physical disabilities.

Helpline for children

Sometimes children don't even talk to their elders about their problems. But you need to talk to someone.

If you run into problems with school, if classmates extort things and money, or bully, you can call the single all-Russian "helpline" for children -8-800-2000-122 ... When calling this number, you do not need to give your name and pay money. You can call from any phone - both landline and mobile. On this phone you can talk to a psychologist or social worker who will tell you what to do next. No one will judge you or laugh at your words, but they will give you good advice and help. You are not alone. Over the past 4 years, more than 500,000 children have already called this phone.

Greetings, dear readers and guests of my blog. Today I want to touch upon a sore subject. Surely many parents have faced and are faced with the fact that their child is an outcast in the classroom, in other words, he is offended, avoided and disliked by his classmates.

And if such problems are permanent, and not episodic, then you should think about the fact that the child has such traits in his character that do not allow him to get along in the class. What are these features?

Is he an outcast?

A child who is rejected by classmates experiences a sense of loneliness and uselessness; such children have low self-esteem; they are insecure in themselves, as well as very angry with the people around him. Quite often, these childhood problems are bad for the future. Already becoming an adult, a person all the time looks back at people passing by and thinks: are they laughing at him, what they think of him, how they perceive, somehow they look wrong?

Such children take any conflict extremely hard, as they constantly suspect that a classmate wants to deliberately humiliate him and "drop" him in the eyes of other children. Constant suspicion irritates and interferes with normal life, study, communication.

Is he touchy?

Such children take any laugh or joke of their classmates seriously, taking it as a personal insult. For example, he stumbled, hit his forehead while playing with another child, or something else ... Accidental laughter of friends and that's it - the conflict began.

Parents should explain to the child that if you seriously take offense at laughter and jokes, then you can accumulate an impressive collection of grievances against children by the end of school.

Such children, can themselves make fun of their classmates at the same time, react painfully to all - he did not like - jokes from friends and classmates. BUT, having noticed this, the guys, on the contrary, will start joking in order to deliberately hurt the touchy friend. Especially if they notice that a classmate, during an offense, can barely hold back tears ...

They can make fun of the surname, over not pronounced letters or words, over weakness, clumsiness, ... If a child hesitated at the blackboard when answering a teacher's question, then the guys will remember this too, for a long time mimicking him and remembering exactly how he stood, what he wrote and how he gave the answer.

Is he arrogant?

Guys quickly notice this and never forgive! Even, they take revenge ... And the problem lies not in the classmates, but in the child himself, because when he treats others "from high" he does not notice this. And when classmates say something to him or imitate him, he simply thinks that he is being bullied and nagged.

The child is the mirror of his parents. And if he is arrogant, then the relationship in the house is the same. He often hears from his parents that they are the best, are always right, and everything around is just pawns. The teachers at the school are poor, classmates (I will deviate a little, for those who need information - then read) - idiots, guests in the apartment are uninvited hijackers whom no one was expecting.

The child hears, but remembers, and then self-hypnosis follows ... After all, this is what dad said, so mother said ... And they know better, they always tell the truth. A sucker is the one who cannot hire a tutor, a moron is one who cannot solve this problem, a weakling is one who could not do push-ups in physical education ...

And what happens is that the child looks down on his classmates and teachers. And soon he begins to notice that in the class he has problems with communication.

Is he an upstart?

It is not enough for such children just to communicate, just to be accepted into the company. We need something more! Always be in the center, be a leader. But, as a rule, the "throne" is already occupied by someone or there are several competitors who are also striving to occupy it. And the more there are such aspirants to leadership in the class, the tougher the atmosphere and the quiet people here will not "get along". It is more difficult for such guys to achieve victory - to be a star in the class, and if it did, then every day it is more difficult to hold the position.

If the upstart is not allowed into the center, then he will begin to attract attention in a different way. For example, arrogance, extravagance, ridiculous jokes ... By the way, jokes are very easy to attract attention, only the jester's fame “does not warm” and he begins to invent something else ...

Did he not accept class ethics?

How is this possible? For example, the class agreed in advance not to use the control cribs so that no one would be offended for the grades. But this child, agreed with everyone, but did everything in his own way. As a result, I got an excellent mark without using my knowledge. hence this leads to a showdown after lessons.

Such a malicious violator runs the risk of being constantly beaten, not accepted into the company and ... rejected. Quarrels with classmates can be so serious that parents will have to look for a new school for their child.

Is he demanding?

Such a child constantly expects that one of his classmates and teachers will do everything for him. A friend should protect him, a neighbor on a desk should give to cheat, a teacher should not call to the blackboard when he has not learned a lesson ... They should share sweets or buns, play only what he wants at recess, and be sure to succumb and lose. .. Talk only with him and if you decide to skip the lesson, then friends should follow him ...

But he himself, for such sacrifices, is not ready! And more often than not, these guys come from the same families! As a rule, the parents of the child have the same opinion about people, moreover, it has grown into a cult a long time ago! By the way, they think that it is a waste of nerves, time and is simply inappropriate to deal with the child, why he has quarrels with his peers at school.

Is he shy?

Tikhony at school "life" is not sweet. It seems that he does not fight, does not make fun of anyone, does not quarrel with anyone, and there are no friends either. And all why? They just don't notice him. He is quiet, he is shy, he is shy, fearful. The guys believe that nothing can be entrusted to such a person! He will be confused at the right moment and will "fail the whole thing"!

Such a child is not trusted with a role in the school theater, they are not invited to play relay races, to participate in school Olympiads. And he simply does not have the opportunity to show his dignity and knowledge. But, as a rule, quiet people are responsible children and very obedient!

You need to talk to your child in a quiet environment. Understand the reason and understand the conflicts.
Having learned the reasons, it is not biased to evaluate them and decompose them into their components.
Understand your own, family, relationships. Most likely, "roots grow" from here!
If the child's problems arise from family relationships, then the time has come when the whole family should go to a psychologist.
If the reasons for quarrels with classmates have nothing to do with family relations, then, having understood the problem, the child needs to quietly and clearly explain what is wrong with his behavior.
It is necessary for both dad and mom, and the child himself to think over a plan of action, how to eradicate errors in behavior and communication.
Do not scold or shout at the child, because the fact that he does not know how to communicate with peers is not at all his fault! This is the trouble of the parents! Couldn't educate, missed the moment!
Seeing that a child came home from school beaten or humiliated - you can't wait! Any delay leads to new mockery and offensive nicknames.
Going to school and with classmates and teachers to solve a child's problem is stupidity. After that, the child can be nicknamed "sneak", "mother's son", "weakling." He himself must solve his problems, with the invisible help of his parents.

If your child is avoided in class, I hope this article will help solve this problem. The main thing is not to despair and not lose heart, there is a way out of any situation! I would be grateful if the article was useful, then share it on social networks. And also subscribe to the blog feed. Until!

Regards, Alexey!

I am the administrator of this site and part-time the author, in my free time I write articles related to the topic of the site. In 2015, he became interested in site building and making money on it. Studied many different courses, photoshop, html basics, seo and others. I learned how to write optimized texts on my own, and in this connection I became interested in the topic of the site. And now you can't stop it))

In any collective, especially in children, and even more so in adolescents, there are very popular children, and there are unpopular children. These are those who are either simply ignored, or tolerated, but not accepted, or those who are not actively loved, who become the object of ridicule and harassment. There is always a victim, there are persecutors, there are outside, indifferent observers who are no better, and sometimes even worse than the persecutors.

Usually, two or three people start bullying who, for some reason, did not like one of their classmates and they begin to tease the child, make fun of him, do not take him into the games and defiantly ignore him. Most often, the basis for persecuting someone is the desire to assert themselves.

Recently, a mother spoke about the trouble of her sixteen-year-old daughter: the girl is an outcast in her class. Together with this class, the girl has been studying for the second year. She has no friends, they laugh at her, they call her names with bad words: "fool", "stupid", etc. How to be? The first thing that can be advised for a mother is to transfer the child to another school. But even in the new team, not everything can be smooth.

The common myth that children have to resolve the conflict among themselves is often mistaken. In the event that you are alone with your abuser, the third is really superfluous. It is quite another matter when a child is bullied by a whole class of teenagers. It requires urgent intervention of the teacher, or parents, if teachers are inactive.

So what do you do if your child is rejected?

“The first thing that parents should do,” says professor-psychologist T. Feinberg, “take a deep breath and calm down.”

Not all children can and want to tell their parents about their problems, and the older the child is, the less likely he is to complain to his parents about what is happening. It is worth showing interest in your child's affairs, but doing it unobtrusively. If he doesn't tell anything himself, you should watch him. You should not look for and punish the abuser of the child yourself. But you also can't sit back and wait for the situation to resolve itself. You need to carefully analyze the situation and determine the reasons why your child became an “outcast”.

1. Bruises, the appearance of which he cannot explain
2. Comes home with torn clothes, books and other items
3. The child does not want to go to school (frequent absences and delays)
4. The child suddenly loses interest in studies and other activities
5. He has frequent mood swings.
6. The child is sad, tense, frightened
7. Avoids others
8. Speaks about suicide, tries to commit suicide
9. Complains of malaise (poor appetite, headaches and other symptoms)

Several types of rejection are conventionally distinguished:

- bullying(do not give a pass, call names, beat, pursuing some goal: revenge, having fun, etc.);

- active rejection(arises in response to the initiative coming from the victim, make it clear that he is nobody, that his opinion means nothing, make him a scapegoat);

- passive rejection that arises only in certain situations (when it is necessary to choose someone to join the team, take into the game, sit down at the school desk, the children refuse: “I will not be with him!”);

- ignoring(they just do not pay attention, do not communicate, do not notice, forget, have nothing against, but are not interested either).

Parents need to not only protect and support their child, but also teach him to be more active and protect himself. Ultimately, your child must learn to cope on their own and at the same time feel protected in their family.

If your child is often bullied by peers, then he or she lacks self-confidence. Raise your child's self-esteem. When your child has high enough self-esteem and self-confidence, he will no longer be hurt by other people's insults. As a result, he will ignore his offenders and they will no longer be so interested in teasing him. It is not enough for children to be loved only. They need to hear declarations of love, feel touches, experience the joy of communicating with their parents. When scolding a child, evaluate not him, but only his deed.

The child really needs your support. Do not reproach him for the fact that he cannot "stand up for himself" or "ignore the fools." Discuss together what is holding him back from being on friendly terms with the other guys. Try to convince him that things will turn out differently soon.

Do not rush to resolve the conflict for the child. Give the opportunity to cope on your own: the reputation of "mama's son" will only aggravate the situation. Listen carefully, support the child. And advise you to change your tactics of behavior.

For example like this:

1. Until called by name, attacks of the offender can be ignored.
2. Try to calmly explain to the offender: "I hate to hear this, why do you want to offend me?"
3. Do not succumb to provocations, but also do not tolerate silently. Calmly say in the eyes of the offender: "Stop, I've had enough!"

So, you need to be attentive to your children's school life. Very often, the situation of "outcast in the classroom" does not develop by chance, but is an exaggerated, as in a distorting mirror, a reflection of the relations prevailing in the family.

The class in which the bullying takes place cannot be spoken of as a collective. The unification took place not due to mutual sympathy or common interests, but out of necessity - the children simply have nowhere to go. In such a group, there is no dynamics, the relationship does not develop, but freezes, taking an ugly form. It is even more likely that if the one who is being bullied leaves, a new outcast will appear in the class, since this is the only possible way of building relationships that the children have learned.