How to build family relationships? Happy family: how to build relationships with husband

Husband, wife, children - is it always a family? To answer this question very easily: well, of course, no! Sometimes a family, and sometimes something like a boarding house, where come to eat and sleep. But what is the distinguished by the real family from the internally internally strangers - there is so easy not to answer. How to arrange a family life correctly to create a happy family as a result? Millions of people on earth suffer over this problem.

Simple and, it seems to me, a very deep thought expressed the writer Natalia Strupin. She claims: the family is solid only when a person respects at home more than outside it. Any person - and adult, and small. But then he really perceives his house as a fortress.

One of the major scientists, an academician-physicist, somehow wrote that marriage belongs to self-disperse systems. Wise thought! The gradual destruction of the family is the phenomenon is not exceptional, but normal, it disintegrates no fault or an evil intent of one of the spouses, but simply because it is sooner or later everything falls on Earth.

Want your home does not hit? Repair it regularly, deliver, rebuild, adapt to change, to new emerging situations. If you want to build a family life so that the family does not break down. Do not accuse each other's mortal sins, do not pick up a panic at the form of a crack in the wall, and quietly close it.

Piece dialogue:

"- And I heard that real love is when suffocating from passion. - Not. True love is when suffocating from tenderness. Specific life requires softness, tolerance, readiness. But whether we often focus on this? Where there! "

A familiar journalist, writing about the palace of marriage, once and one day asked ten brides, the same question was asked: why are you married? Nine girls answered almost the same, about this: to be happy. Tenth said: to give happiness to her husband "

I'm afraid of all the top ten it will be one ...

I know a lot of men who were in life achieved a lot. And almost all of them are similar in one: each durable, reliable house. And the house for a man is primarily a woman. Not a wife, so mother, or sister, or girlfriend. What will change. That that will not change.

In the world, many peoples, many customs, but, probably, all people dream of strength and strive for strength.

How to build family life

The French say: "The coal at home is the owner." The British are still defined: "My house is my fortress." In different countries of loving call "Army of Two": back to the back it costs this small army against all sorts of anxiety and misfortune. Let the attic, let the basement, let her shack, but the fortress!

To arrange a family life correctly, remember: Let in the whole world only two each other and are needed, but - the army! Nothing is scared when behind a durable rear when I am sure that you will not throw the beaten, wounded, will take it into the shelter, will take it to the hospital.

Well, if in the army, the division, the breakdown or fierce struggle for power, if not everyone for the other, and every for itself? Then, perhaps, in life battles it is not for what. Sometimes even experienced, skillful wrestlers knocked out a small home treachery from the saddle.

No, without strength, a person can not, nor a man nor a woman. But where to look for her? What to grab? What to hope? What is firmly in our today's free family?

Maybe a wedding celebration, official ritual, signatures of spouses and witnesses in important documents? Alas, how many of our families are ruined faith in the insanity of these inks! Lovers to each other are gentle and attentive, the quarrels are avoided - both are afraid of losses.

To arrange a family life correctly, learn to find compromises. Another thing is young spouses - here you can also show the character. Both it seems that the most difficult behind, as the athletes say, the game is done - and she just started, and the unexpected stunning goals fly into poorly covered gates, past the goalkeepers ...

If you want to build a family life filled with harmony and happiness, remember that all family members are associated debt. But when the family begins to fall apart, go look, who must, and try these debts to gather!

So what to count on? On a love passion? But who will say, what is the passion of safety? No one knows that for the power suddenly throws us to each other, no one knows why a powerful magnet suddenly ceases to act.

And yet there is something in life that you can safely hope that it does not change, does not disappear, it does not depend on the whims of the body, that, in my opinion, above passion and above the debt. I'm talking about human relationships.

Millions of people suffer from the fact that passion weakens with time. But nature gave us quite sufficient compensation: the human relationship is stronger with time. Where in the foundation at home they are exactly they, the earthquakes are not dangerous.

What is the basis of a happy family

The family is a small but difficult state. There are every forms of relationships: both democracy, anarchy, and enlightened absolutism, and even, unfortunately, the despotian. However, the state is stable under one condition: if the form of it is accepted voluntarily. There is nothing sadness and hopeless than a long, exhausting struggle for power.

Probably, in the end, someone wins. So what - will he be happy? Alas, here, as in the famous Hemingway book, the winner does not get anything.

To arrange a family life correctly, remember: a family is doomed, where everyone is offended and scandalously requires what it is unfortunately. After all, love is when I care about you, and you about me. Love is not for egocentrics ...

The magazine published my story about love. Letters from readers came a lot, about a thousand. The neighbor, a freshman student helped their disassembly.

Almost every third letter was confession: people told about their problems, doubts, quarrels, gaps. Often asked advice. The stories were different, complaints to relatives are different, the reimburses are different.

My voluntary assistant read letters, molding the forehead and focusing the young lips.

I asked that she thinks about it all. The girl for about five minutes was silent, and then expressed the thought, for me extremely unexpected, and for her eighteen years - it is still fantastic. Looking over my head, she thoughtfully and made it clearly:

In my opinion, they all need to plunge into life and love each other.

I was taken away. That is, how to in life? Why - in life? After all, it is known that love and life of irreconcilable enemies, what exactly is about the damned, the murderer is divided by one for another love boats ...

I was already ready to enjoy the interlocutor's head all my bewilderment, but suddenly I remembered that my friend is not alone in my views: she has at least one ally, and quite serious.

Namely - the greatest Russian writer Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy.

In fact, in what a deep, unconcessed life immersed the writer's favorite heroine Natasha Rostov from the "war and the world". Has he did not want happiness! I wished and insisted in the epilogue of the novel that Natasha is happy, and not outside of life, not contrary to everyday life.

Classics are also not gods, to agree with any statement, not necessarily. But it is always worth thinking. Do not we say that love is checked in trials? Do not swear to share with your loved one all the difficulties? Do not seek to take on most of his Noshi?

Is there a difficult test, the difficulty is severe, the burden is heavier than life? So, maybe this is the true verification of love - it's not just to go alongside through everyday life, but also make it a gaze.

Happy one, who at least once in his life happened to hear: "I hate washing the floors, but in your room ..." or: "I don't like to cut firewood, but for your oven ..." Well, after all, what is it - Love?

If you want to build a family life in happiness, remember: the eternal "Terra incognita", the land is unknown, where every new resident of the planet wants it or does not want, still the discoverer, inevitable Columbus? Maybe art where everything is inspiration? Or nevertheless, the science, which has its own laws and rules, its own research system and the methods of victories? Perhaps both, and the third.

Newbie, for example, always Columbus. How does he know what's the horizon? Mainland or stranded, honor or shackles, worldwide glory or death in poverty? The future for the newbie is closed. Alas, rarely, he almost accidentally stones on his America.

Old saying: "First love is always unhappy." Modern economists in such cases calmly state - fee for incompetence. And the fool is that Columbus to the coffin. Reckless, blind, funny navigator. His tenth ship goes to the bottom, and he is accepted to build the eleventh. Falls in love and falls in love. Well, not a fool? ..

And creative inspiration - it is in love a great thing. Because human relations are also subject to the laws of art. By inspiration, much can be created.

After all, how often unrequited love becomes mutual! Lucky man? Well, I do not. Himself, with his own hands, tears, patience, dedicated, made what I wanted. Here is someone - it is worth respecting! After all, it is sometimes difficult than to build a house.

How to create a happy family

Probably romantics will be offended, but love, alas, can be perceived as science. Not only "the science of passion in tender, which infect the name", but also something easier, something is purely life, at the level of initial arithmetic.

To build a family life correctly, study uncomplicated techniques and methods, it is quite possible to attract attention, cause passion, jealousy, can be given, take away and give hope again. Sometimes it is possible to hold a freshly sacrifice in the hands of the sacrifice for quite a long time, deftly driving her spiritual impulses.

Newtons are not needed here, the account goes within a dozen. How to sit down how to get up, how to turn around, how not to answer the letter, how to wrap the skirt how to hug a different one or smile to another ... A person who thoroughly mastered this cybernet parties and discos, rarely remains unloved: in someone it falls shrapnel Charge on the acceptance of the collected charm.

If you want to create a happy family, remember love. Nevertheless does not remain - but he lives not loving. It is still unknown that terrible. A lousy thing - keep my own soul all my life ... So what is love? The science? Art? Columbian trail on the water?

The point is not in wording, the case in life roads that everyone chooses for themselves. What way is safer - it is probably you can calculate. Well, who will live brighter and richer ... They say first love is always unhappy. Do you agree to throw it out of memory?

© Tz. Subbotin

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I breathe, and it means I live.

I live, and then I love.

V. Vysotsky

About love

20 years ago, when I was still in school, young young men and girls did not need to prove that marriage, the birth of children is good and right. Nobody (or almost no one) could not mind that he would never create a family, he would not see children, grandchildren. A person who has not created families was considered either a patient or a loser. Now the situation is different. No media help people began to be afraid of marriage. Youth magazines raise teenagers so that they, in principle, never be able to create a strong family. A model of behavior is proposed, not compatible with marriage at all. The young man should be irresponsible, rude, independent, cynical, as possible to join adulthood. The girls are brought up as future "ster", which can well get a good, manipulate men, reversal. And, of course, the most important slogans - the notorious "take everything!" And "You are worth it." To any sensible person is clear that, following these "Soviets", it is impossible to find family happiness.

Let's talk a little about why people get married. The answer to this question is very simple. Let us turn to the Book of Genesis: "It's not good to be one man" (Gen. 2: 18). What does it mean? God creates two very different creatures: a man and a woman. God would not cost anything to create a hermaphrodite combining two starts - male and female. It is known that the same-sex method of reproduction is the simplest, efficient and productive. Same-sex creatures are the most viable. Biologists in the 60s of the 20th century were very thought of: "Why did Nature chose such an uncomfortable and unproductive method of playback for a person? Why do two different sexes exist? " And the answer was not found. And the answer is one: "God created a man and a woman for love." So that people complemented and love each other. Without love, a person can not be happy.

Love is not transmitted genetically from the ancestors, like beauty, eye color, physical force, talents. She can not be inherited as the capital of wealthy uncle. It can not be purchased for money. Even on the contrary, wealth greatly prevents love. After all, the rich often loves not sincerely, but because of his wealth and influence. For money, no one will love anyone for the material benefits. Love is acquired only by our personal labor and feat. She can be, of course, given as a gift. But here, if we do not appreciate this gift, do not store and do not support it, it is very soon from us to take away. Love is the only real value, everything else is transient, has its time. "Love for all ages". Indeed, both children and mature people, and old men, and love gives them a real happiness to them all. And faith, and hope is the manifestation of love. We believe God because we love him; We believe your beloved person and hope that he also loves us.

Without love, even the richest man on earth will not be happy. Even if he at some point is very comfortable, he is satisfied and thinks that he will live without love, still soon or later comes the moment when he understands that he is poor and unhappy, no one loves him. Money, plants and other he will not take with him in eternity, and love always remains with a man.

The English writer, the veterinarian James Harrot describes a poor farmer who sits on his little kitchen surrounded by loving children and wives and says: "And you know, because I'm happier than any king." Here it is, real happiness: Love and be loved.

Love, real feelings between a man and a woman are possible only in marriage. And that's why. Neither just sexual bonds nor even the cohabitation with one regular partner in the so-called civil marriage suggest real love and responsibility for the beloved, for children. What kind of love is if people originally negotiate: "Today we are together, and tomorrow they fled." Or: "We" Spouses "without a stamp in the passport, but are not connected, the door for each of us is open." At the heart of such relations always lies distrust. Or one, or both partners as they say: "I'm not sure (a) that I can live with you all my life."

"The former marriage functions are now devalued. Status, money, sex and even children - all this happens in modern society and in addition to marriage. And therefore young people often say: "Why is it needed, this marriage? It is possible and without it. Even better". And not better because the world has changed not only in terms of marriage devaluation, but also in the fact that people in general have become more indifferent to each other, do not have time to build a deep relationship. Now they are usually associated with business, not a relationship. We enter the world, where psychological loneliness becomes a real epidemic. And only in marriage it remains the opportunity to find that spiritual intimacy that will not allow us to feel lonely. That you need to remember. " These words belong not to the priest, not an Orthodox family man, for which the concepts of the family and marriage are consecrated by God himself, but a person, very far from the questions of faith and spirituality, a famous psychotherapist A.V. Kurparatov. Even secular psychologists are aware that the denial of marriage is the path of egoism and a dead end. On this way, a person will never gain real love and happiness.

The most regrettable thing that youth neither by TV, nor in the cinema, nor on the example of families of their parents or friends do not see that there are happy, friendly families. And they, thank God, is, only talking about it is now unfashionable and unpopular. Propaganda free, cheerful life is directed without marriage, first of all, on young people, and it is scary. After all, it was in his youth that a person should lay the foundation for his future life. It first seems that life has been able to: good work, money, career, friends. And in the second half of life, a person sees that his school friends have already grandchildren, and he is completely alone. Especially hard it is worried about women. I can testify as a priest that people who did not marry or could somehow embody their love somehow, they suffer from it. After all, we are created to love.

Often you can hear even from people of Orthodox, that the purpose of marriage is the birth and raising children. If the marriages set themselves only this goal, I think that they should not be created at all. The purpose of marriage is absolutely the same as in general the goal of Christian life. That is, the fulfillment of the two main commandments: "Love the Lord God of your God with all your heart and everything is your soul and all the intelligence of yours" and "Love your neighbor, like yourself" (Matt. 22: 37, 39). And spouses are given the opportunity to fully fulfill this commandment about love. For my neighbor is with me sometimes 24 hours a day, and I can love all this time and sorry him. And through the love of God, that is, to a person, we learn love for the most invisible God.

Why is the family - is it happiness? Because the family helps us all the time, every day to feel that there is someone who we love more than yourself. It is known, for example, that parents tend to love children more than children of parents. But parents from this do not become less happy. For children are able to give them much more joy, good mood, than we.

And even happiness directly depends on how we appreciate what God gives us. In our case, it is love, family.

Maybe it will sound somewhat pathetic, but I will say that the ratio of the forces of good and evil in the world depends on whether there is a peace in every particular family or there is sin and evil there. It is easier easy to scold the government, reformers, oligarchs, and to change wives themselves, to make abortions or throw children in the maternity hospital. Or even with permanent quarrels and conflicts to poison life to themselves and their loved ones. How can Russia become a great and prosperous country if we have 3 million official and another 1 million underground abortions for the year, if 100 thousand children are left in the child's house? Do we deserve after this good life? Yes, it's amazing how we are still alive! Family is an indicator, a litmus paper of the state of society as a whole: It is great or in a state of severe illness. That is why the question of peace and love in the family is the most important issue that is facing the society and each of us.

But only it depends on us, what will be the "weather" in our house, in our family.

About the benefits of documents

It is good or bad, but in our life can not do without documents. Documents guarantee compliance with laws, regulate the rights and obligations of citizens.

For example, the driver stops the traffic police inspector, and the driver shows the driver's license and documents for the car. Otherwise, how will he prove that this is his car and he has the right to rule them?

If we have, for example, there will be no documents for Earth, anyone can rearrange the fence at night and say that it was, or in general will take off the site. We arrange to work - show a diploma of our specialty, it suggests that we have received an appropriate education.

Fans of free relationships without registration, I would suggest at least half a year to live without any documents. I would have had to be shattered.

Few of normal people are ready to burn their documents and go to live in the forest. (Is that some sectarians!)

So, every sensible person admits that the documents are the necessary and necessary. But for some reason when it comes to registration of marriage, some of this act calls simply superstitious horror. They are looking for any excuse for this not to do. The point here, of course, is not in the documents, but that people are afraid of responsibility, they are not sure to end in themselves, nor in another person, they are afraid of losing freedom, independence.

But the registration of marriage is not "packing of documents", not the "beater in a passport", as they say other chases "civil marriage", and the thing is very serious.

Of course, for an Orthodox person, the main event of the married life is wedding, but also the registration of marriage is not empty. Husband and wife show that they are going to live one family and bear mutual responsibility not only before God and each other, but also to society and the state.

Often, you can hear that in ancient times, people entered into marriage without any registration, and the mystery of the wedding was finally formed in the form, as it is done now, only by the XVII century, and what seems to be before everything is somehow easier.

Let us turn to the history of marriage. In the Roman Empire, which was the state highly legal (for acts of civil status, let's remember at least a population census, when Virgo Maria and Joseph wrapped went to sign up in his hometown of Bethlehem), there was a marriage treaty. This document defended the rights and determined the responsibilities of the spouses. He subscribed to them in the presence of witnesses. Only the Union bonded legally believed to be legal marriage.

Of course, there were other forms of cohabitation, but they did not have a legitimate force and were not considered a marriage. For example, there was a so-called competitor. The word says itself for itself, translated from Latin means lying together. The competition has spread after the introduction of new, more stringent marriage laws. He was not considered marriage, it was just a cohabitation. So, the woman in the competition could not get the estate and property privileges. The competition was condemned by the Holy Fathers, such as Vasilya Great - and in Byzantium, such a cohabitation was encountered.

Other peoples, for example, the ancient Jews, the marriage contract preceded the preparation of a marriage contract. He also defined the mutual commitment to her husband and wife.

The Christian wedding preceded the engagement. In the first centuries of Christianity, the engagement was separated from the wedding. It was an act of civil and accomplished according to local customs and settings, as far as, of course, it was possible for Christians.

The gain was solemnly, in the presence of many witnesses who fastened the marriage contract. The latter was an official document that determines the property and legal relationships of spouses. The bride and groom exchanged rings.

Already in the Russian Empire, before the revolution, it was possible to marry only the marriage or having committed another religious rite according to the confession of spouses. People of different religions were not crowned. Wedding has and legal force. The church at all then led the records of acts of civil status, which are now recorded in the registers. When a person was born, he was baptized and recorded in a metric book, when it was married - issued a certificate of wedding.

Children born out of marriage were considered illegitimate. They could not wear the surname of the Father, inherit the estate privileges and property of their parents.

Scheduled without a wedding and it was simply impossible to be married without painting.

It should be aware of those people who seek to get married in every way without registration. By all the truths and inconsistencies persuade the priest to behave, and they are not in a hurry to arrange their relationship. His Holiness Patriarch has repeatedly spoken at the annual diocesan meetings, which can be wary of the couples only in the presence of marriage registration.

Unfortunately, we see that wedding marriages are disintegrated, and for many wedding is not an obstacle to the divorce.

In spiritual life, there may be periods of cooling faith, then the wedding will no longer bind her husband and wife and nothing will interfere with "disperse." Human feelings are also a very changeable thing.

Marriage, family must be protected. Well, if you fully trust each other, but something that does not depend on you can happen. Here is an example. A man and a woman live for a long time without registration, children had born. And suddenly the husband dies in the car accident. Heirs under the law appear, for example, children from the first marriage or the next relatives, and the woman and her children can in the literal sense of the word on the street, without livelihood. And all because people themselves did not want to take care of people close to them in time.

I have already compared my husband and wife's relationship with the relationships of parents and children. I would like to develop this analogy. Suppose the mother gave birth to a child, but does not want to enter it into his passport (does not want to "relent the documents"), does not want her name to be mentioned in the birth certificate. But still wants the child to live with her, so that she is engaged in his upbringing. This situation is impossible. The child's rights must be protected. The child must be registered to the mother, she undertakes to take care of him. And it is fixed documented.

But spouses are people even closer than parents and children. Mother and child is the first degree of kinship, and the spouses are zero. Even in secular civil laws, the spouses are closer people than children and parents. This is reflected, for example, in legislation on the procedure for inheritance. First spouses inherit, then children.

Psychologist A.V. Kurparatovo girl living in a "civil marriage" wrote a letter: "My boyfriend never takes me to corporate parties. Although I know that there are wives of employees. We live in a "civil marriage" for more than a year, and the relationship is good. Veronica".

That's what he answered her: "Generally speaking, the concept of" civil marriage "is very deceptive. Do you consider your young man with my husband, but does he think about you about your spouse? If it does not take on corporate parties, most likely does not think. Why is your marriage still "civil"? In this, in fact, the question. Try to answer it. "

The same psychologist testifies: "Someone can say: they say, such a stress can be avoided, if we go gradually, to live at first a little in the" civil marriage. " But here we will be waited for these inexorable statistics, which with all its inexplicitance inexorably testifies: in pairs, in which before the official marriage there is a period of cohabitation, the risk of divorce higher than in pairs that before marriage did not live together. "

A well-known journalist who has recently died in a car accident, Gennady Bachinsky somehow said in one interview: "I passed through a lot - there is something to compare with. And now for me it is obvious: better than a normal family will not come up with anything. When there is no family, there is an inner feeling that you are free. We live together, and you are free. You can always leave. A person who knows that he cannot leave behaves differently.

Similarly, parents and children: you can't change your mother and dad and you are forced to build relationships. You also need to treat your wife. "

I intentionally brought the statements of not Orthodox theologians here, but completely secular people, so that any honest and sincere person understands sooner or later: "civil marriage" is a false, meaningless condition.

If people are confident in their feelings, they, on the contrary, seek to quickly fix their relationship, in some way to appreciate them. And if they do not do this, it says about one thing: consciously or subconsciously they are not confident in their feelings.

I do not know why for the designation of the cohabitation, we began to use the expression "civil marriage", because this contains a rough meaning mistake. "Civil marriage" is called cohabitation without registration in the registry office; The registry office is engaged in records of acts of civil status. That is, this body records, in what condition are citizens of the country. They were born, married or have already died. And in the so-called civil marriage just do not want as citizens to testify their condition!

A little about whether it is worth trying to give the future spouses to live a carnal life before marriage. The fact that marriage with the experience of the cohabitation disintegrate is much more often, the speech was higher. This happens for several reasons.

First, people are trying to build family happiness, disturbing the commandment of God. Secondly, a passion that often connects people in such an alliance, has a property to quickly pass. And people who connect intimate relationships should ask themselves that it will remain between them when this relationship will be stopped at least for a while. Due to illness, pregnancy or temporary separation. After all, the bride and the bride give the opportunity to know each other, without sharing the general bed, apartment and life, but on the other, a cleaner, mental, human side. All other is given later, as a reward for abstinence. In the cohabitation, it turns out that people already have all rights, and have no duties, but this should not be.

Another moment. If for a guy to sleep with a girl to marriage is also easy, how to bring it to the cinema, will his behavior change? A miracle will hardly happen, and he will suddenly be an approximate family man. If a person is not used to himself to deny anything, he can also easily afford to change his wife.

Once I was reproached in the fact that I refused the grace of communion of a woman living in a "civil marriage." The priest should be guided by church canons to those who admit before the communion. The canonical rule of St. Vasily Great says: "Blud is not marriage and not even a marriage." (This is not stated about the usual forn, but about the prodigal cohabitation outside of marriage). And people who are in such a state, St. Vasily gives the Epitus as a fence in forn. (26th Rule of St. Vasily Great).

Some say that the word marriage carries the load of the second semantic value - negative. Indeed, the word marriage, like many other words, has two meanings: marriage as a marriage and marriage as a defect, flaw, error.

Words marriage, the marriage union is quite often used in the Holy Scripture. For example: "On the third day there was marriage in Cana Galilee ... There was also a name Jesus and his studies to marriage" (John 2: 1,2).

Slavic word marriage in the meaning marriage comes from the verb to take (to take his wife). By the way, the marriage in the value of the error it does not have any relationship: this word comes from the Dutch word BRAKK, which is translated just like an error. It entered the use of Petra I.

I think that the expression: "The good deal is not called marriage," people who never knew what joy and happiness can get two loving people in the marriage union.

. (Psychologist Mikhail Zavalov)
Do you need a hierarchy family? ( Psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky)
If you create a family, then for life ( Yuri Borzakovsky, Olympic champion)
Family country - Great country ( Vladimir Gurbolikov)

First you need to decide what to consider family in a classical understanding, because families are different, as well as the people who create them. The familiar to the society with family structure, despite the growing number of civilian, guest and even one-sex marriages, is a family of two - men and women who have aroused their relations officially and married love. Also, the family assumes the presence of one or more children.

Seven principles of the right relationship

Love - The most important principle of strong family relationships. Weighted and time-tested feeling that remains after a little dull passion. Psychologists are convinced that it is necessary to create a family not earlier than a year after the development of the relationship between a man and a woman, but not later than two years. In the notorious three-year crisis of love, people should join, being married and very native to each other, otherwise the risk is not at all become families.

Confidence - An integral love satellite and the basis of any durable family. The lack of trust in the initial stage of relations or his loss between partners can become the only fatal reason for their gap. Trust in the family is similar to the foundation in the construction of the house - all first. A small or big lie can provoke distrust from one of the partners, and in the family are not disabilities and mystery.

Tolerance in the relationship - Another important component of a strong family, because over the years, the disadvantages of the partner are exacerbated, they become more obvious and begin to annoy spouses. In order to learn how to take her beloved person with all his flaws and love him, despite the imperfection of character, you must have non-good tolerance. No wish at weddings, in addition to love, many family friends wish for patience! Know what they say!

Compromise Very important in conflict situations, without which no even the happiest family does not do. Conflict of interests, household quarrels and disagreements in the raising of children - all this accompanies family life. Therefore, the ability to make concessions and recognize your mistakes will allow gently and calmly to get out of any conflict situation without leaving negative consequences.

Personal space. Another 20 years ago, it is unlikely that anyone would have understood what we are talking about, but in today's rhythm of life, stress and high employment, everyone seeks to solitude at least a couple of hours. Yoga exercise, reading books or easy-to-stay on the sofa in full silence, it is necessary to each of the partners, especially if they work together. In addition to work and common interests, men and women should have a certain temporary and spatial niche, the very thing in which each of them can leave with his head to be alone with her thoughts. The lack of personal time can ill refect the relationships that sooner or later risk to be risked in everyday life.

Family traditions As the basis of strong relationships gradually degenerate, but perhaps you as a woman can revive them. Culture of family dinners or rides with a spouse Countryside for weekends, summer picnics with children or celebrating the anniversary of your wedding somewhere in the mountains - all this can strengthen your relationship, because you will have more common places, general impressions and memories, and family dinners - This is just a reason to gather everyone together, invite parents or friends.

Distribution of duties. No wonder that in addition to rights and freedoms in the family, there are also responsibilities. How to distribute them - your business, but in the classic understanding of the family, the main concerns about the house lie on the woman, and the man is responsible for the financial side of the question, and is also responsible for the importance of the decision. This does not mean that you have to sit at home, responding only for purity and order, but the cozy and more pleasant will be the atmosphere in the house, the more willing the spouse it will be reached there.

More than 50% of men during surveys consider themselves the head of the family, and the main female function is prescribed emotional care, motherhood, care for the well-being of the house. - It's not easy business, but extremely important.

Despite all of the foregoing, it must be remembered that whatever your personal ideas about the family, the most important thing - the harmony of the relationship between you and your partner. No printing into a passport, nor the same capital truths and laws will make you families if you do not consider themselves.

Divorce is always a tragedy, from which all sides suffer: and husband, and wife, and children, parents and relatives. When a conflict arises, his perpetrators under the influence of anger, irritation, which accumulated cargo of mutual offensive and reproaches do not think about the consequences. We note an important pattern: when they sin severe, first of all suffer the weak. Men sin, women suffer, women sin, children suffer. As a rule, the initiator of the divorce is the husband.

It is difficult to describe the gravity of suffering that the abandoned wife is experiencing. Female psychology is fragile and should not be subjected to such overloads, it is not adapted and often unable to withstand the catastrophe that fell on it. This stress leads to the fact that quite physically and a mentally healthy woman begins to behave inadequately. Her self-esteem is broken, it begins to comprehensively, consider itself and morally, and physically defective, takes steps, only worsening the situation, which, being in good condition, she would never have done. The feeling of unnecessary, abandonment, the consciousness of the fact that what was expensive and holy, donor and is impairment, remains for life, poisoning it.

Children and directly, and indirectly suffer very acutely. A woman, and even more than a single mother, suffering from their imaginary inferiority, is difficult, it is almost impossible to give full-fledged upbringing to her child. Children in an incomplete family do not have the idea of \u200b\u200bthe role of the Father, and the mother is not able to exercise in full male qualities. In the antiquity of the boy, three years old from the female half gave birth to the male half, so that he would grow up a real man, with a strong character, able to take responsibility and capable of decisive actions. Therefore, the great men growled, who did the great story, who had mastered the dangers who went to meet the circumstances that seemed insurmountable, and the difficulties retreated before fearlessness, loyalty and generosity.

Abandoned wife must be aware that it is very important patiently and with the dignity to carry their cross to preserve the strength to fight for itself and for their family. It is always hard to stay hard, it is hard to endure, heavily humble, but it does not mean that you need to lower your hands, bring your nervous system to exhaustion. So, God forbid, the man will reach and until the thought of bringing unrighteous scores with life. If you relax in front of difficulties, then they will strangle you. And if you realize that it should, like a fighter on the front, fight and keep until the latter, then you will win. With God's help, of course. Only so you can change the heavy, tragic divorce situation.

You can bring a lot of examples of how women with their feat of spiritual - prayer, repentance, constancy, courage, faith and loyalty - were able to return husbands, which seemingly left irrevocably.

However, it is better to prevent trouble than it was late to overcome its destructive consequences. If conflict arose, it should be allowed as soon as possible. It is necessary first of all to look for your own mistakes, finding ways of reconciliation. It is impossible to allow conflict to flare up and in no case, even if the situation seems hopeless, it is impossible to resort to the services of unclean, mercenary people, as a rule, charlatans, and maybe it is even worse that really own the occult knowledge and taking magic. Even if these psychics, healers and gadetners are in some connection with the demonstrations, nothing, in addition to harm, they cannot bring in nature. All their "knowledge" and "practitioners" of just the weak audacity before the invincible, incomprehensible, the Divine power of the Lord of our Jesus Christ, always adopting our spiritual and physical sensitors and the signing of us on the path of salvation, that is, on the path of joyful, happy, full-fledged life.

What if the husband "loved another"? To read morals about the immorality of his act is non-serious. Human efforts this catastrophe is almost impossible to resolve. But what is impossible to man, maybe God. Therefore, you need to say to yourself that the situation is tragic, completely intolerable and need to fight with it, and not fold hands. If a person leaves for another, he makes a terrible, mortal sin, which in the Holy Scripture is said: "The adultere and adultery of death and die will die" (see: Lev. 20, 10). In antiquity, people were subjected to the death penalty. In the Middle Ages came otherwise. A traitor or a promotion was undressed, they were deceived by the tar, dumped in the feathers and in this form were drove around the city. Previously, people were very strictly followed by the purity of the morals. Now complete impunity: under the influence of obscene films, photographs, books man makes immoral actions with the silent approval of the Company. But this is completely unacceptable.

Any treason is low, despicable act, treachery, ungratefulness, non-fulfillment of their debt, terrible egoism and blinding. You think only about yourself, not understanding which grief you bring a person who loving you. And at the same time, how the spell says the words that love is gone. It's a lie.

They just allowed himself to be ungrateful, dishonest, allowed himself to forget that good, then the warmth that this man gave you. You met the other (s), and she (he) seems to you that (topics), which you have always been looking (-A). But this is just an emotional explosion caused by your promiscuity, which led to a hormonal explosion, and so you can't overcome the impact of your own hormones. Biochemical compounds turn out to be managed by your behavior.

It is unworthy. In the imperial army, for example, an officer who has changed his wife, expelled from the society of officers, because it is impossible to deal with a treacherous man. If you could not be faithful to your family, you can not rely on you. Now in society has changed to the family. The attitude towards loyalty to the commandments of God has changed. They are declared nothing significant. As Ivan Karamazov said from Dostoevsky: "If God is not, everything is allowed."

Pitirim Sorokin at the very beginning of the 1920s spent a study in Petrograd, from the results of which came to horror. It turns out that 10,000 marriages accounted for 93 divorces, and the figure seemed huge! And this is the former capital, surviving the revolution, ruin, chaos. But then the morals were still such that this figure seemed to be a murderous, impossible. And now 10,000 marriages account for more than 5000 divorces.

When Lenin familiarized himself with this study, he called P. Sorokina "Ferrend, feudal and graduated Popovshchina Lake." Instead of responding as the statesman should have reacted, namely: to attach all the forces to strengthen the family, Lenin simply expelled P. Sorokina, seeing an uncomfortable person in it, which indicates the destructive effects of the policies of the authorities. As a result, Pitirim Sorokin created modern sociology not at home, but in America. In Russia, a very serious blow to the Institute of Family was applied. True, now attitude towards the family has changed around the world. Families decompose, the birth rate is reduced, the divorce is considered the norm. It is considered the norm to serve without marriage.

Of course, the divorce is destroyed for children, for the left wife, but large spiritual harm is applied and the traitor itself. Maybe he will live some time for some time, but a terrible fate awaits him at the end of life or in the afterlife. Behind treason will have to answer, so my wife needs to fight not only for the sake of the family, for the sake of himself, but also for the sake of salvation of your spouse.

How to deal with your family? Lord, so that we pray for each other. Lord pleases the wife soaring and saved her husband. And the Lord wrestle to save the family. Because a wife who wants to preserve the family, rights, and a husband who leaves the family, of course, is wrong, then in moral terms the wife is stronger than her husband. And if she has enough faith, courage, constancy, the desire to preserve the family, then the likelihood is very great that it will succeed. And if not ... The Apostle Paul says: Do not be deceive: no harmniki .. nor adultery .., neither thieves nor Lychihimens ... - God's kingdoms do not inherit (1 Cor. 6, 9-10). The severity of laws is aimed at protecting people from a terrible afterlife. Therefore, these laws cannot be criticized.

Love often understands a certain psycho-physiological state. At the sight of such love, a person is experiencing strong emotions and takes them for a high feeling, while love is the peak of all virtues. Love is the ability to understand the other, to compare him, the ability to regret it, take care of him. Love is a state of unity when you can not live peace if you have some kind of disagreement with your favorite disagreement. Love is associated with a sense of responsibility, debt. And this debt is non-payment, because if you love, then this is an unexpected and undesuned gift.

Love is a mysterious feeling. Why do we like this person? This is a special set of experiences, and it does not boil to psychophysiological feelings, but is a special state of the soul. This does not mean that the beloved person is the perfect, sinless; This means that you have enough love, generosity, cleanliness of the soul to cover the inevitable shortcomings of your life satellite.

Antoine de Saint Exupery said that love is when two people look at each other, but together in one direction. When they strive for a common high target, for which it is worth living and carrying tests, sometimes not easy. And if the husband is non-church?

The relationship of spouses should be careful, delicate, we must be afraid of a person to push out something. That's right if the wife goes to the temple, but often people make the wrong conclusions from the right parcels. The time that she pays to her husband is shrinking, the style of her life changes, as the church imposes certain restrictions: post, abstinence. And the husband is completely not ready for this. If the wife is insisted, then the domestic violence is, although from a formal point of view it is right - the post must be observed. But you do not need my husband to impose this post, if he does not go to church. It should be proceeded from the capabilities of your spouse. If he is unable to endure long periods of abstinence, it means that it is not necessary to provoke it. You can cite such an example. Take a beautiful wife in the woods to be tired and hungry. And then bring it home where the luxurious table is covered, and say: "it is impossible." Post a husband who is unable to fast, is a mockery. Apostle Paul says: Do not shy apart from each other, perhaps, for a while ... And then again, be together, so as not to tempt you to Satan with the confrontation of your (1 Cor. 7, 5). Here you need to define the measure that your husband can withstand.

Bad, if a woman demonstrates its superiority in the family. It may well be more talented, more successful, can earn more. But if the wife will demonstrate his superiority over her husband, she will destroy the foundations of the family, because in the first place should be a husband. Such is a male psychology. A woman to obey and be the second is much easier. If the roles are changing, then the situation can be resolved in such an abnormal way as treason.

Let me remind you the plot of one famous fairy tale, which is called "that hubby will do, everything is fine." The husband finds the Golden Nugget and buys a horse on him, then he changes her on a cow, a cow - on the sheep, the sheep - on the rooster, the rooster - on the Egg, the Egg - on the needle, and the needle loses. And now he is sits sad in the restaurant and tells his story. Above him laugh: "come home, my wife will arrange." The husband answers: "Nothing like that, let's fight on the mortgage."

Comes home and tells his wife the same story. And the wife is sentenced to everything: "What are you who you are well done. As you thought up well. " When he says he has lost the needle, she replies: "Nothing that hubby will do, everything is fine." The debaters have to lay out their mortgage, and the spouses are rewarded for a gentle attitude of each other.

It shares people not some abstract "damage", but a specific sin, that is, conscious or unconscious actions, words (and even thoughts!), Free or involuntary, with which we hurt our loved ones during your life. By the way, my wife is reproaches, even if they are fair, maybe, imperceptibly for themselves, to drive her husband into an angle, from which he is unable to find a worthy exit.

Christian approach to resolving such abnormal situations at first glance paradoxy. It would seem, obviously: to change the situation, it is necessary to change the one who created it. But it is impossible, because the husband believes that he did right, and not going to change! The situation is abnormal, it is impossible to put up with it, it should be changed, but the paradox is in that and consists that we can only change themselves. It is necessary to recognize that in the root of all our troubles, sorrows and everyday tragedies lies our own, personal sin. The Lord says: what do you look at the bitch in your brother, and you do not feel the logs in your eye? Or, how to tell your brother: "Give me, I will be out of your eye"; But in your eye log? Hypocrite! Remove the first log from your eyes, and then you will see how to remove the bitch from your brother (Matt. 7, 3-5). And although in such cases in the eye of the neighbor, too, "log", but you can not do anything if deeply, we sincerely do not shy before God in our own sins. Repentance requires considerable time, serious effort, constancy and patience. It is necessary to understand that, no matter how hard it is, it is necessary to be masculously to endure, pray to God and relieve on His omnipotence and grace. A man is designed to be a warrior, a defender and with a weapon in his hands to fulfill the enemy. And the Lord's woman gave moral forces in order to, patiently carrying all heavy blows, steadily and valiantly, to fight his family to the winning end.

Indeed, if a person without God, he is limited: the head is not jumping above ... And the Lord is a wonderworker, he makes miracles so freely and creatively, that man cannot come to mind. Here is a bright example. The Second World War. Air fight, the forces are unequal, the plane fell. The pilot is hardly chosen from the cabin of the falling burning aircraft, jumping, pulls behind the ring, the parachute is revealed, it would seem, everything is fine. But, descending below, he sees what falls in the swamp. A cold-blooded man, repeatedly looked in his face, he understands that there is no hope. Immersed in the marsh, it begins to choke and loses consciousness, but ... comes to herself on solid land. It turns out that when he was immersed in a swamp, the wind gust put the parachute of the side and pulled out the pilot from the bog. Miracle? Miracle. Could a person independently escape in this situation? No, but the Lord helped, he saves from completely hopeless, from a human point of view, situations. Therefore, it is so important to come to the temple. In the church, it is not about the fact that a person can, but what he can't. What is impossible to man, maybe God.

How to overcome conflicts? The family should have a circle of communication, common friends, a saturated cultural life. Of course, the Orthodox spouses the center of life should have a temple. With the help of the church, you need to overcome all inevitable conflicts. I want to remind one folk wisdom: "We will miss the fire - do not extinguish." All conflicts must be resolved when they are just beginning to flary up.

Conflicts may be insignificant, but it is impossible to treat them frivolous, because sin sometimes takes not to its "quality" (severity), but by its number. If some sins are repeated from day to day, from year to year, it can destroy the family unnoticed. The burden of mutual displeasure is accumulated, misunderstanding, reluctance to forgive, yield. Let us give an example: the husband came home drunk, which caused irritation of his wife. If this happened only once, it would be not scary. But if this happens regularly, the sin "accumulates". You can choose a comparison: one snowflake does not weigh anything, but when snow occurs a lot, whole drifts are formed and brave roads, because of what accidents occur, snow avalanches are gave in the mountains. From a minor reason, serious events occur, which may entail irreparable consequences.

Slightly touch the theme of anger. As the Apostle Paul said, be angry, do not sin (Eph. 4, 26). That is, the feeling of anger is permissible, but it is impossible to, be angry, you humiliate a man, insulted him, turned rudely. The Savior said: in everything, as you wish, so that people do, so do you and you with them (Matt. 7, 12). You need to think about the consequences of your actions.

In the Holy Scripture there are words: the sun will not go to your anger (Eph. 4, 26). These words can be understood in two ways. First: Mine up before sunset. And the second: the sun of your love, your warmth, friendliness, tenderness will not go in anger, that is, do not get laundned from the wrath of feelings that you feed each other. If something happened, then you need to urgently make yourself and forgive each other all the insults.

Be sure to compare each other and not allow deep division, because it can become an insurmountable precipice. As for the need to forgive insults, there is such a well-known case. Two devotee monks were friendly, and then quarreled. And although one of them asked for forgiveness and was looking for reconciliation, the other did not want to forgive him. They lived in the era of persecution, were captured, subjected to torture, but did not renounce Christ. And so, when they were led by the execution, one of them began to ask the other about reconciliation. And he even before the face of death said he would not forgive. And then the grace of God left the second for his inflexibility, courage evaporated, and he renounced Christ. Already surviving torture ... He was preparing a martyr's crown and eternal life with God, but because of his inaccurability he was all lost. This is how terrible not to forgive each other's offense, it threatens lifelong carure and kara in the eternal life.

Love implies primarily freedom. A loving person does not limit the one he loves, but sometimes you need to show rigor. It happens that we have to limit a person, showing a real concern for him. And violence comes from egoistic representations, from the desire to prove their imaginary superiority, from the desire to live as you please, not believing with the opinion of others. Violence causes a lot of pain.
However, violence is often due to improper behavior. For example, a typical error. Husband comes from work tired, and a young wife who is sitting at home with kids, begins to complain about them. And the husband, whose nerves and so tense, is angry, annoyed and begins to spill their negative emotions. Or does not want to go home at all. Because instead of the expected rest and rest, he receives a new burden, which is no longer able to cope.

In Russian fairy tales: Ivan-Tsarevich comes to Baba Yaga, and that asks him, why did it come? Ivan-Tsarevich replies: "You are me, a road man, at first weave, feed, sleep sleep."

Of course, we do not conduct a direct analogy, but when the husband comes home, the kids need to try to calm down, the table should be covered, dinner - prepared. The husband was attempted, came to his senses, then you can talk to him about some problems. Otherwise, you provoke him to aggression, with which he, without having come to himself after a busy day, cannot cope. My wife can also be understood - she beats the whole day with children, but, in fact, she is wrong.

An extreme case and, of course, is completely unacceptable if the husband beats his wife. Such relationships are a gross violation of the requirements for her husband's family life. In any case, the husband does not dare to beat his wife. But everything starts with small. After all, when they were still a bride and groom, he did not beat her? And if you beat, then why married? It should be borne in mind that the victim often itself provokes aggression towards himself. An error was made in the behavior. What, you need to understand. But this situation may be necessary and without any provocation. For example, the husband came home drunk and beat his wife ... Here we are talking about how the wife is a strong person and whether it can withstand such a test. If it is higher than its forces, then you need to divorce. If the husband mocks his wife, does not want to change and does not understand anything, of course, it can be stopped. But if she sees that it is still possible to fix that she has enough strength to restructure into something, realize their mistakes ... It is necessary to consider every specific case.

We must not forget that with God everything is possible. The Lord is a defender of sirah and poor. The Lord God is unagnain, so that the husband offended his wife. So, you need to try to tolerate to the last. This measure has its own. As much as one can endure, it will not be able to endure another. Much depends on the faith and prayer of a person, from its purposefulness, diligence and constancy.

Building a kind relationship in the family is not easy and responsible. It is necessary to learn how to give love to loved ones, take their advantages and disadvantages. A cozy house, understanding relatives make family relationships. How to avoid conflicts? How to create a warm atmosphere in the family? Spouses, children, the elderly parents with joint works are working on relationships every day. Compromises - sometimes the only way out of difficult life situations.

Subtleness of family relationships

Family is a small group of people based on marriage or blood relationship. They are interconnected by a common life, responsibility, morality.

Family relations are warm feelings for parents and other relatives. They have common memories, traditions. Relationships are built on support, help in difficult situations. Common holidays, rest allow the family more often to meet if parents and children live in different places.

The monetary question is a feature of related relationships. Older parents help their adult children and vice versa. The husband becomes the only potter if the wife takes care of a small child. The subtleties of monetary relations are built on mutual trust, responsibility for their family. If someone from relatives sick or fell into a difficult life situation, a monetary question helps solve some problems. In this case, only a family can provide great help.

The birth of children is another aspect of related relationships. Caring for babies, education methods are transmitted from generation to generation. Child development, his ability to communicate and contact with other people - all this is laid in the family. Grandparents take part in the upbringing of grandchildren. The emotional nature of the relationship in the family is manifested in the formation of the nature of the child. It is important that confidence and warm feelings associated all relatives.

In each family, with its principles and glances, its own model of relationships is developing. Its foundation includes upbringing, life experience, professional features. Existing types of family relationships are divided into dictates, cooperation, custody, non-interference.

1. Dictate. Parents authority suppresses, ignores the interests of children. There is a systematic humiliation by adults of their own dignity of younger relatives. Based on his experience, parents are forcibly, in a tough manner dictate their living conditions, behavior, morality. Any manifestations of the initiative, their own opinions extinguish on the root. Often emotional violence over children goes into physical.
2. Cooperation. Family cohesive by common interests, mutual execution. Joint solutions are accepted in certain situations. The causes of the conflicts arising and way out of them are discussed. Parents, children are able to overcome their own egoism for the sake of common goals. The ability to make compromises, overcoming individualism - the essential relationship in this model.
3. Oboek. Excessive care of parents makes children in such a family infantile, indifferent. Adults, putting material and moral values \u200b\u200binto their offspring, protect them from everyday problems. Children, growing, do not know how to build relationships with peers, colleagues. Can not act independently, without consent, promotion, help parents.
4. Non-interference. Independent coexistence of adults and children. Non-interference policy in all spheres of life. Typically, the psychology of family relations in this model is a passive indifference to thoughts, actions, purposefulness of their children. This comes from the inability and unwillingness of adults becoming wiser parents.

Young family

The emergence of a new family is the beginning of the long path, which will have to go through her husband and wife. Lining relationships with new parents is possible only with mutual respect, patience. It is necessary to understand that the parents of the spouse are also families. With your values, traditions, memories. It should be extremely tactfully in a new family, trying to avoid offended, conflict situations. To try to prevent offensive statements, the memory of which may be preserved for years.

Laying family relationships are convenient when the husband and wife live separately from their parents. Then the whole responsibility for a comfortable life lies only on them. Spouses learn to adapt to each other. Looking for compromises, get out of habits, put up, mistaken. Joint efforts create their own model of the family, in which it will be convenient for them and their future children.

When young spouses start a joint life separately from parents, they quickly master the new roles - her husband and wife. Over them do not take older relatives with their marriage models. Parents have their own life experiences, missed errors and conflict situations. It is necessary to allow a young family to independently find solutions to certain problems.

New relatives

Most conflict situations arise if a young family begins to jointly exist with parents. In this case, the features of family relations are to create harmonious ties with new parents. This is a difficult test, which teaches tolerance to other people's views and relationships. Sometimes parents, supporting their child, do not seek to protect the newly acquired relative or relative.

How to avoid conflicts in this situation?

• Treat the family of a spouse with respect. Participate in common holidays, maintain (if possible) tradition.
• Tell the truth, do not lie. If there are inappropriate questions, talk in general, without going into details.
• Do not make hasty conclusions. In each unpleasant situation, first find out what was moving by people in the adoption of certain solutions.
• Do not condemn new parents, avoid a sharp assessment of their behavior, appearance, profession, life.
• Try to be polite, attentive, remember about mutual assistance.

Parents should respect the choice of their child. Try to maintain marriage-family relationships, do not provoke a quarrel between spouses. Wisely and tactfully suggest a way out of conflict situations, inevitable in marriage. Refrain from sudden statements, categorical judgments.

The appearance of a child

It is very important for a young family to form comfortable marriage family relationships. The bottom should be comfortable both spouses. It is a trusting relationship, confontial communication, the ability to be understanding and attentive.

The emergence of a child is a difficult period in the life of the family. Pregnancy with female whims, irritability, mood swings makes the first dissonance into the usual idyll. Understanding, patience will help spouses to preserve good family relations.

With the advent of the baby, the whole habitual way is changing. Night vigils, crying, childhood diseases - reason to acquire new skills and knowledge. Responsibility having fallen on her husband, for material and moral well-being often causes anger and denial from a young spouse, the desire to start a new, quiet life. Postpartum depression, fear for the health of the kid make a young wife focused only on the child.

The calm adoption of the new role (mom and dad) will allow young parents to come to consensus. Distribution of duties, excerpt will help to overcome difficulties, will retain family relationships. And children who have grown in love and joy are becoming calm, confident in themselves adults.

Family traditions

For a family, it is important to have common memories, traditions. They contribute to cohesion, friendly relationships. It can be picnics on which the whole family is going. Or joint annual leave. If parents and their adult children live in different districts or cities, there is a need for such traditions.

Shared holidays and birthdays are in high spirits. The whole family is going together, congratulating the anniversaries, decorating the room to the celebration. Gifts - an excellent reason to restore the shameless family relationships, ask for apologies or forgive relatives. All nonphosity and misunderstandings are forgotten in a merry whirlwind of the holiday.

If parents and adult children live together, a joint dinner can become a black-making tradition. Leisure conversations for a cup of tea, discussion of plans for the future. In this case, the development of family relations, common traditions contribute to the creation of friendly connections between parents, children and grandchildren.

Stages of family development

Almost all families face difficulties. There is a certain crisis. Both marriage, and family relationships change, go to a new level. The main stages of development proceed depending on the level of maturity of the spouses.

• The first year of family life. To be able to find compromises, give up each other. To adapt to look for a convenient form of existence together.
• Birth of a child. Work out comfortable methods of interaction with each other and with a child. Awareness of your parental position.
• 3-5 year of family life. The child will grow up, the woman goes to work. Distribution of duties in the family. New forms of interaction, where two working spouses, and the responsibility and care for the child still remain.
• 8-15 years of family life. The familiar, familiar way makes boredom. Accumulated problems, mutual resentment. Small quirks and irritation interfere with good relationships.
• 20 years of family life. Risk of change. The emergence of a new family and children (usually in her husband). Revaluation of values \u200b\u200band summarizing the first life results. Desire to change everything, start first.
• Growing children, retirement. Do not care about coming, the empty house, loneliness. Search for new interests. Rebuilding relationships with spouse and adult children.

Overcoming conflict situations

Family conflicts are inevitable. They occur on household soil due to different worldview, rejection of any decisions. The conflict can rally or destroy. It is important to maintain the norms of family relationships, even unpleasant situations correctly. Culture of communication, tact, respect will help to overcome the conflict, deal with the reasons for his appearance and get out of it, not infrainmenting any rights. There are 4 main ways to resolve disagreements:

1. Smoothing conflict - reduced to no controversial situation. Calm expectation of a quarrel. Ability to forget and forgive unpleasant moments.

2. Search for compromise - The ability to find a way out of the situation. Disassemble the cause of the conflict, express your point of view. Find comfortable ways to peaceful life, without infringement of dignity.

3. Confrontation - Each part of the conflict insists on its point of view. Ignore needs, feelings. Husband and wife are moving away from each other.

4. Recharge - One of the spouses insists on his point of view, motivating various arguments.

In any case, the psychology of family relationships consists of a peaceful conflict solution. Do not bring it to physical violence, aggression.

Mutual understanding in the family

If there is no mutual understanding in the family, the spouses begin to move away from each other. The impossibility of expressing his point of view may result in misunderstanding, offenses, quarrels. So as not to bring the family to the scandal or divorce, you should reconsider your habits. Both parties are required in this. Spouses should learn to find a common language so as not to bring the relationship to a critical mark. Therefore, you need:

• Avoid categorical.
• Do not consider only your point of view correct.
• Do not be indifferent to hobbies (hobbies) of the second half.
• Exclude suspicion.
• Avoid coarse, sharp statements.

Divorce

Problems in relations, quarrels with children, fear of responsibility are frustrated. Quite often, modern family relationships end in divorce. Most men and women prefer to live in guest marriage, do not start children.

There are situations when it is impossible to forgive the soul mate. Disappointment in a close person can affect the entire subsequent life. Treasies, physical or emotional domestic violence lead to the divorce.

The main affected party are children. They love parents, sometimes in spite of everything. The feeling of unnecessaryness, the feeling that he was rejected, can pursue a child long enough. It should be very careful. Patiently explain that the relationship between adults is changing, and the love of the child remains.

Former spouses mistakenly believe that after divorce, life changes dramatically for the better. Unfortunately, the reasons provoked divorce can affect further life. It should be found out what personal habits or views affected the dissolution of marriage. Try to avoid in the future of such mistakes.

Secrets of happy family

Happy family life, relationships line up with both spouses. For the causes of quarrels, conflicts are guilty and husband, and wife. Do not build illusions, idealize marriage. Family are always problems, crisis moments, resentment. It is necessary to learn to forgive each other, with understanding and patience to treat habits, beliefs.

A happy family solves the problems that have arisen together, together. Spouses learn to look for compromises. The secret of happiness is not in avoiding conflicts, but in their awareness and peaceful decision. Do not silent the resentment, and more talk and try to understand another point of view. Quarrel, swear, but always return to peace and harmony in the family.

Only help each other, patience will help to overcome misunderstanding. In a happy family in the first place is care and respect. This is a daily work for the common benefit. Warm praise spouse, kindness, compassion help people overcome complex life situations.

Do not care about children. They should also learn from their own mistakes. Manage the initiative and independence. Nevertheless, help and mutual work will become a guarantor of happy family relationships.

More often walk to everyone together, relax. Return to nature or picnic. Common overcoming difficulties, joint fun and joy will fasten the family for many years.