Bad parents? They don't like me. The most severe mental health problems occur when the newborn infant does not receive the love and care of the mother or her substitute. At the same time, of course, they will complain about their hard life, which is really not easy. AND

1. You are firmly convinced that you are always right. Parents and children have different versions the same event, because they have opposite points of view. While parents stubbornly insist on their version, children cannot even express their own opinion. Take the kids' story at face value, let them have a different point of view from yours.

2. You don't know what they have become. Life has taught your children such lessons that you do not even know about. They are not the same children as before, and you need to accept this fact. Don't feel like you know what's bothering them right now.

3. You still see little children in them. Was your daughter a wasteful, son constantly broke something, did not know how to keep his promises? Now they have grown up: she has her own million-dollar business, and he has a responsible and beloved job, where he is appreciated and respected. Do not wear old children's masks on them, belittling their dignity. Let them show what kind of people they have become and you will be amazed!

4. You think that your divorce is no longer bothering them. Perhaps this is so. However, remember that your divorce is not their fault. Admit that you were unable to prevent it. Don't reject your own heartache, even if many years have passed since the day of the divorce. Let them tell you how unexpected it was for them. Tell them sincerely that you are sorry for what happened. And tell them that now they can move on.

5. You don't let them live their lives. However, it must be admitted that your children have grown up. Now they may have a different faith, a different way of life, they have the right to independently choose partners, make their own decisions and make their own choices.

6. You do not respect the boundaries they set. You are sticking your nose into none of your business. You cannot understand why they do not want to tell you the whole truth and take your advice. The answer is simple - you ignore the boundaries that your children have set.

7. You listen, but you do not hear them. You interrupt them in mid-sentence, finish the phrase for them. You are not talking to them, but to yourself. Give them the opportunity to open up, to say everything that they have been hiding for so long. If you do not understand something, ask to clarify it.

8. You take sides. Whenever your kids have a fight, you support one or the other. Let them solve their problems on their own, do not get involved in the conflict. It doesn't matter who you think is right. Remember that they are both your children. By supporting one, you offend the other.

9. You are using an intermediary to communicate. You cannot independently establish communication with children, so you resort to the help of an intermediary - a brother or sister, another parent, grandmother, grandfather, etc. You actually involve an extra third person in your relationship. And the child most likely wants some information to remain only between the two of you.

10. You believe you can still control their lives. Letting go of your own power is very difficult. But it's even harder to try to build relationships with children. Being a parent does not mean that you have every right to interfere with their lives. You should step back and wait for the moment when they need your help. Your children will be immensely grateful to you for this behavior.

When parents are holding their baby in their arms, it does not occur to them that in the future they may have friction or misunderstandings with the child. How cute he is and there is no limit to love for him. And what changes over the years?

All kinds of relationships can work out. Most often, it can boil down to a number of main reasons - the irresistible desire of the father and mother to keep everything under control, or a childish resentment that he holds deep inside. Often, adult children begin not to communicate at all. Sometimes a parent with the best intentions, not realizing that the child has grown up for a long time, continue to educate him, but, unfortunately, it is already too late to do this. And also the child, in turn, misunderstands this manifestation of love. Over time already strained relationship grow into hatred for each other.

What are the explanations for this relationship? Of course, this may surprise, but still love. It is the habit of parents to treat children like little ones. They simply do not want their children to grow up, but to remain the same. At the same time, the requirements are overestimated, thereby going too far, so that grown-up children cannot fulfill them. So, why then parents hate their grown children? The answer is psychologically explained.

Parents often make mistakes:

• over-pressuring and forcing you to learn;
• do not allow communication with friends;
• buying clothes that are not to your liking;
• communicate as if not with adults;
• stupid and vulgar to speak out to children.

The consequences may not be positive. As a result - a ready-made mentally retarded person in society, and for mom and dad - a lifelong toy.

1. When is born unwanted child(not ready for motherhood).
2. Unfavorable relations with her husband (the mother breaks down on the weaker one - on the child, probably, considering the child to be guilty in the existing relationship).
3. Mother herself was a victim similar relations on the part of his own mother (a stereotype of behavior is laid down).
4. Deliberately undermine self-confidence in children. When their child makes progress, they do not rejoice in them, but on the contrary want him to be unsuccessful and unhappy, then he will need parents. By such behavior, they develop in the child uncertainty in the future, indecision in adulthood.

Advice to parents: change your attitude towards adult children. They have grown up enough (it is too late to educate them). Your task is simply to maintain them, and not to make your copy of them.

Advice for adult children: Continue living your life. Confidently solve your problems (this is how your parents will see that you are already independent). If circumstances permit, live separately.

In the section on the question What to do if your parents hate and despise you ??? given by the author Conscientious the best answer is I sympathize. How old is your mom?

Answer from Interlayer[guru]
Indifferent horror. I would have packed my suitcases with my sister and "Astalavista, baby"

Answer from Neurosis[guru]
loss for 4 years then you are free)) feel freedom)) if you feel bad now, this does not mean that you will always feel bad

Answer from Peter Kletkin[active]
It is worth telling parents about this. Talk to them about it.

Answer from Ostislav Titarenko[guru]
Learn to fight back. Usually they put pressure on those who have not formed a repulsive mechanism in the psyche. This is a kind of upbringing, very distorted, but still.

Answer from Jeanne[guru]
you are selfish, and your problems are far-fetched. Your parents love you. Don't be rude to them, but listen to mom and dad. What do you think love is expressed in? Should I stroke you on the head? Parents should not enjoy you, they should grow a real person out of you, not egostka, and for this you should obey and not complain

Answer from SV[guru]
"Do not repay evil for evil to anyone. Take care of good in front of everyone.? As far as possible on your part, be at peace with all people.? Do not avenge yourself, dear ones, but give place to the wrath of God, because it is written:" , I will repay, says Jehovah. "But" if your enemy is hungry, feed him, if he is thirsty, give him drink, because in doing so, you will gather coals of fire on his head. " ". Bible The same applies to parents.

Hi, my name is Rina. I am 16 years old. I live with my mother and grandfather. recent times I don’t recognize my mother, she just began to hate me and survive ... for everything that I didn’t said she was indignant, trying to belittle me and insult me ​​... then I am "Lazy pig", then I "do nothing" and the rest is even worse that I don’t want to write ... Yesterday we agreed to go to one lake, today I reminded her, she says we’ll go to another, I explain to her that I’m embarrassed to appear there because I know a lot there and I’m up to tears, ashamed of herself ... but she starts yelling that I didn’t promise you anything and we’ll go here and not there, these are your whims, that would be two hundred of me ... you like to make me angry ... well, Lord, what am I said, for the first time in the whole summer I wanted to go somewhere with the whole family, but she was so ... all the more she said herself, why are you sitting at home, go get fatty, look what I have become ... I was always cheerful and did a lot of things (dancing, music, painting), but everything is simple for me breakdown... I can’t do this ... I don’t have a single friend, not a friend ... I don’t have anyone to communicate with (except the Internet) I gained 15 kg for half a year (and for me it’s scary because I have I always had a gorgeous figure and everyone just "died" from me) I never went out into the street all summer, not because I don't want to, but because I can't. And I can’t leave home from her either, because there’s no one ... I really love my owl mother, so I don’t want to give her pain and not comfort, so thoughts of suicide began to slip through my mind (which is strange for me. me developed great feeling guilt from childhood, little emotionality and many other factors that I try to hide from others. Mom works for me as a dog handler. From 3-4 years old, my father does not live with us. All I understand is that it's hard for her, but ... I'm just serious to tears ... Yes, I know .. you write that, of course, my mother loves me ... that we need to cope with this situation, but I don’t know how ... But yes ... he always says that I want her to die .. they say that I’m going to die, you’ll understand ..... Not much more and that’s all ... the end ... even though I’m a man with a sense of guilt and many others, but I fulfill my goals to the end ...

Psychologists' Answers

Hello Rina. You are 16 years old. This age is not easy, changes are taking place in your body. Hormones affect mood and overall emotional condition... In addition, you disconnected yourself from reality, went to the Internet. There are no friends, you rarely go outside. Save yourself on your own. Go out for a walk hiking good for the health . And mom, she feels anxiety for you. And from the fact that she does not understand what to do, what to say to you, so as not to harm, she, out of her fear, only gets angry and yells at you. Thinks that this way, you will become more active and cheerful. What to do?

Do the exercise. It's called the Empty Chair Technique. 1. Choose a time when you are alone at home so that you are not disturbed or distracted. Place two chairs, one for yourself and one for your mom. When placing them, pay attention to how far you want to put the chair for mom. And how you want to put it. Sideways, back to you, facing ... This will just show you how you are in relation to each other. For example, if your chair or her back rests ... think about it, is it comfortable for you to talk to each other like that?

2. Take a voice recorder (available in any cell phone, or download the program for voice recording on the Internet). Start recording. Sit in your chair and tell your mom everything in ordinary life difficult to do. Imagine that she is sitting in the second chair and listening to you. Talk a lot about how you feel, about how much you hurt and hurt. That it is hard for you to live with guilt from her words about death. Ask her any question. And sit down on Mom's chair.

3. Sit on Mom's chair. Imagine that this is her. Dress up her role. Imagine how your mother is dressed, that she can think that she loves what is happening to her in her life. And then start talking about yourself, from her role. Name, profession ... how she would talk about herself.

Here is very important point... When you feel that you have managed to enter the role of a mother, to feel like her, turn on the recording of your words made from your chair. And accordingly, you will hear that question. Listen to your daughter's speech while sitting in your mom's chair. And then, turn on the recorder for recording and from the role of a mother answer the daughter's question (your own question). Feel what's in your soul. what feelings fill you (like a mother). Talk about feelings, you want to cry? -Cry ... and say from her role everything that first comes to mind ..

4. Sit in your daughter's chair, in your chair and listen to the recording of the words from the role of mom.

Answer her. Talk about the feelings that arise in your soul.

5. Talk to your mom as you move from chair to chair until you feel better. Until you feel the state, the feeling that there is nothing more to say. Everything has already been said and cried out.

You should feel better, calmer. All the emotional tension in the relationship with my mother will subside.

After finishing the conversation, remove the chairs and take off the role of mom from yourself. Just say "I'm not mom, I'm Rina" and spin around as if taking off your role (like if you were taking off your outerwear)

After you have done this exercise, observe your mother, her behavior. Live with these new sensations.

Usually, magic happens. Mom (not knowing about the fact that you spoke to her and were in her role) will begin to behave differently, and you will no longer want to swear, take offense. You will want to talk to her. Talk to her the next day, not before. Good luck to you. Best regards, Evgeniya. (practical psychologist, psychodramatist, coach, author of the project "How to build relationships" http://www.family-light.ru/)

My parents divorced when I was just a child, so I lived with my mother for 15 years of my life. Conflicts started when she remarried and my two were born. younger brothers... I am not a particularly problematic child (I study well, I don’t go out late, I don’t drink or smoke), my main problem in some situations is laziness (this is what my parents blame me for), for some reason I can postpone the case for half an hour or for an hour, and when I am going to start it, my parents forbid me to do it. During adolescence I had problems with my appearance, and the whole class spread rot, bullied and in some cases even beat me. For advice and help, I came to my mother, who, by the way, simply said that I myself was to blame for everything, and as a result, I had to figure it out myself. It was very difficult, but over time I learned not to pay attention to them, and proper care at some point I learned to follow myself. But I am not a robot, and I also cannot live without communication, I needed affection and love, and my mother refused to give it to me. Now I think she considered me some kind of snob, I told her that I wanted to go to a good higher institution, to which she told me that I was too stupid for that. And as much as I am not pleased to write about it, such quarrels ended not only with name-calling and threats against me, but also with physical violence. She took my head and banged my head against the wall, saying that I would soon die, that I would not have a husband, children, etc. After a year of such communication, I had a nervous breakdown, and I decided to move, my departure, of course, was also accompanied by excitement, all neighbors and relatives reproached me, unfortunately they did not know everything, and I was not going to educate them either. Having appeared in my father's house, I became even more aware of my uselessness, of course I did not expect that after fifteen years of separate living, he would love me, but I did not expect that he would treat me like that. He is all day without getting out, not counting his work sits at the computer (plays online game), and he believes that I must do everything, and when I say that I cannot this moment to wash the floor, because I am going to school or foreign language classes, he yells at me, and says that these are all stupid excuses, that I am just a terrible lazy person, that I only know how to beg him for money. He has a very strange attitude to money, he easily gives money for gadgets, which he does not even use later, but he regrets the money for any thing I need, I’m even afraid to ask him for money for my courses in a foreign language, he constantly he suspects something, believes that I only need money, I do not understand what to do. I cannot return to my mother, and at the same time it is incredibly difficult for me to live with my father, as a result of all these scandals I became absolutely indifferent to the world around me, I know that they both do not love me (which they have repeatedly admitted to), and I can't love them in return. Tell me what to do, please, I just can't live like one against the whole world!