Incidents 

What it means to be sincere in a relationship. How to create a sincere relationship? Emphasis on all the good things in your relationship

Sincerity in a relationship- this is what each of us needs, this is a universal desire. But by a strange coincidence, all of us, wanting to be sincere and expecting sincerity, so rarely get this happiness. Why? The answer looks strange: we do not know what sincerity is. Unfortunately, what we ourselves and other people often call sincerity turns out to be not sincerity at all, but banal cruelty. Let's speculate.

When in a relationship the pain reaches its limit, when there is no longer any strength to endure, there comes a moment that we used to call "sincerity", although in fact, this is nothing more than an attack of despair or an attempt at revenge. “Do you want to be honest? I think you never loved me. You constantly lie to me, you deceive me. Do you think I don’t understand that you feel bad with me? That you don't like everything? And I endure everything, ”the young man says to his girlfriend. And ask him: "Well, what did you tell her?" And he will answer: “What I“ said ”, I didn’t say anything. I just told her everything as it is, frankly, told the truth. "

And now the question is: did he tell the "truth" or he tried to take revenge on her for his grievances and disappointments with what he called "the truth." To say the "truth" does not mean to be sincere, such "truth" is a weapon, it is a warhead. If relations began with this "truth", it would be different, but now, after the pain and hatred have accumulated, this is no longer the truth, but a way to hit harder, a way to take revenge. And although we have considered male example, this means of revenge is used by representatives of both sexes and all ages.

If we want to be sincere, then we must first of all be sincere with ourselves. If the person with whom we establish a close relationship is truly dear to us, then we can easily give up our claims (expectations and requirements), and we will do it sincerely and from the bottom of our hearts. If our principles and views, our idea of ​​life are dearer to us, then there is no need to suffer, this is a harmful strategy.

Forming a sincere and truly intimate relationship with another person is great work... But this is by no means a work of making compromises, it is a work of identifying priorities: which is more important - he or me with my desires, views and claims? If we are honest with ourselves, then we will not have this terrible inner tension that so often destroys relationships.

Sincerity is not something to look for, sincerity is a state in which I must be myself if I really want such a relationship. Otherwise, my sincerity will turn out to be not sincerity, but cruelty, which I pay for the injuries inflicted on me, through my own fault, however.

Sincerity in a relationship – it is when each of the two people in this relationship is sincere with himself. Sincerity is the completeness of my attitude to another person, if I am sincere, there is no “second bottom” in me and cannot be. So what is the labor of creating a sincere relationship if not mine inner work? Yes, this is exactly the inner work, the work of abandoning their own requirements and setting priorities. We must realize the main thing: what we do in a relationship with another person is not a courtesy on our part, it is our work for our good. I wish you happiness and love! Your Leah

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How to understand young man? How do you know how he feels about you? How to check if he is sincere with you?

Sometimes in the middle of a relationship, when there is still love, but there is no certainty whether real feelings will appear that can connect for life, the girl has a feeling of uncertainty in the future. Doubting the sincerity of his feelings is detrimental to female self-esteem and can lead to the destruction of the relationship.

If you are thinking about the sincerity of your partner, whether he really fell in love, or said the cherished "love" for you as another sweetheart, without giving of great importance, then you should pay attention to some points.

Signs of sincere love

  • Have you noticed the changes in his clothes? He began to take care of himself more, tries to look presentable, did fashionable haircut, changed his daily clothes to less comfortable but more beautiful ones. This speaks of his interest in making an impression and a desire to please.
  • A man in love is betrayed by his furtive glances when you do not notice it. He is ready to admire you if you do not see it, and when his eyes meet, he may even be embarrassed. If you feel that he is pleased to admire you, this can be a confirmation of his admiration and love.
  • And what about his willingness to support you when needed? If you have problems, no matter what the plan, does he follow you from the outside, observing your suffering, or responds by offering help? A sign of real feeling is his sincere intention to help you.
  • His desire to communicate and spend time with you shows that he feels a spiritual attraction to you. An indicator of love can be a desire to tell you about the events that excite him. He will share what happened to him emotionally and even confusedly. But even and smooth speech can be a confirmation of the preliminary rehearsal of the story on several listeners. If his speech conforms to strict grammar, beware - he intends to "fool" you! Because, telling a loved one, a guy on a wave of inspiration is unlikely to carefully select words, rather he will use phrases and words used among friends. And this spontaneity will just be evidence of his sincerity.
  • How does he feel about changing your mood? Are you happy and is he happy? Excellent! Your Bad mood makes him angry and irritated? Bad! This confirms his lack of deep feelings... By loving, a guy will do the impossible so that only you are happy.
  • An important indicator of a guy's love is his desire to introduce you to friends and family. If a young man is not in the mood for serious relationship, he will not introduce you to his inner circle. If he prefers meeting you far from his acquaintances, then he needs you, rather, for a pleasant pastime. And if an unplanned meeting happens, at which he introduces you to his friends as a colleague or acquaintance, then most likely he has no love for you.

How to see his insincerity

  • The manner of speaking - when during a conversation the spoken phrase can be interpreted ambiguously - says one thing, but means something else. Uncertainty - when movements, actions, phrases are soft and careful. This is very noticeable when driving a car.

Play is a constant desire to show off, posing as someone else.

Apparent self-deprecation, designed to create the illusion of sincerity: “I don’t think you are interested in this - this is our business with colleagues”... Actually: "I'm not going to talk about it, it's none of your business."

Jokes and ostentatious self-reproaches help the partner limit access to information instead of simply explaining why he cannot or does not want to say so.

  • Compliments are one of the obvious methods of detecting falsehood. Normal man avoids ornateness, and admiration glows simply in his eyes. A person who wants to amaze, imagining himself as an imaginary romantic, often uses prepared templates.
  • Any insincerity is well manifested in detailed conversations, while the blanks are scattered, and a single point of view remains on some matter, which does not depend on the moment the question is asked. If a person is dishonest logical sequence reasoning is capable of destroying his lies.
  • Relationships built on sex hardly speak of love. After satisfying his hunger, he can part with you without regret.

Having true feelings to a woman, a man tries to reckon with her emotions, not immediately insisting on sex, waiting with understanding when she herself will be ready for it.

  • Often, girls are mistaken, thinking that the amount spent on her speaks of his love. Having money, a man wants to spend it and look wealthy and successful in the eyes of others. The girl, being at this moment next to him, becomes for him also an object for demonstration performances.

Gifts of a man, even expensive ones, will not become an unequivocal confirmation of love for the woman being presented. He just has money, and he spends it!

And finally….

Many people, wanting to be convinced of the sincerity of the interlocutor, try to see him. Interestingly, scientists have been able to prove that voice changes are much more reliable indicators than facial expressions. The feeling of confidence in the reliability and strength of your relationship is formed in you thanks to the understanding that you can always count on the sincerity and honesty of your partner. If you want sincere and long relationship, then you should yourself be sincere with those people who surround you, as well as love and appreciate.

I recently discovered new level sincerity. This discovery turned out to be incredibly important for me ... How to create sincere relationship?

First of all, this article is for those who have there is already a warm enough sincere relationship with your spouse... For those who want to develop further ... And dreams of discovering new opportunities.

I was helped by Byron Katie's book Loving What Is. Highly useful book- teaches you to accept yourself, your life and everyone around you. I will not retell her ideas, I will reveal only one moment ... Sincerity. Yes, I already wrote on this topic in the article "". But there was something completely different ... It was about initial stage development of relations. Here I want to show how we are every day unconsciously time for each other, although we consider ourselves completely honest.

We believe that we are good educated people who respect other people's feelings. We believe that relationships need to be worked on, and this work consists in the ability to softly decide controversial points, willingness to endure and give in. Yes, relationships need to be worked on. But work is the urge to constantly tell the truth... And nothing but the truth. And not only to speak, but to radiate the truth. That is, we must stop constantly lying with our gestures, facial expressions, glances ... How does all this happen?

We don’t understand how to create a sincere relationship because we don’t notice our own lies. Imagine that you do not want to communicate with your spouse. Yes, this happens to absolutely everyone, and you need to be able to admit it ... You may not want to communicate on different reasons: just tired and want to be alone, or need to work, or want to finish reading interesting book, or simply you do not feel the desire to communicate with your husband for no reason. Admitting to yourself that you are not happy with your husband is already a feat ... But how to explain this to your beloved spouse? At the same time, the spouse kindly begins a conversation with you and does not want to leave the room ... You will lie if you pretend that you are ready to support communication. You will be lying, even if you deliberately pretend that you are very busy, reluctantly keeping up the conversation. Moreover, you will lie, even if you begin to very gently hint how busy you are. Or say that you want to be alone, but very far away ... Sincere relationships rule out hints. Eliminates the need to speak a thousand words instead of one sentence ... Yes, you have to respect each other. But respect is exactly what is shown in speaking directly about everything. You respect your husband, so you don't think that he can misunderstand you, get offended, and so on ... What is the best way to answer your spouse if you want to be alone for no reason? Hide behind some business? Not. Better to just say: “You know, I really want to be alone right now. Please leave me alone in the room. " ... Everything. Nothing else is needed.

Of course, this is just one of a million situations where we tend to lie to each other. Perhaps you know how to be honest in this situation. But you lie regularly in other circumstances. For example, you pretend that you are very happy about a gift (perhaps you will be pleased with the very fact of giving, you should also pay attention to this), that you did not notice the lateness of your spouse (and everything is boiling inside you), that you like him unusual creativity(it doesn't matter, poetry, music, painting or culinary masterpiece).

How to create a sincere relationship if we do not respect other people's opinions and do not compromise?

Do you think this approach excludes compromise and respect for someone else's opinion? No, absolutely not! The desire to tell the truth does not mean that now everything should be just the way we want it! The urge to speak the truth means that we do not hide our emotions and our desires... We understand that our partner can do what we don't like. And we understand that in many cases we must let him do it. But we do not accumulate negativity by internally protesting and swearing.

A typical example from my life. My husband is engaged in sound engineering, sometimes turning on his music through speakers, and not through headphones (of course, this is all right called it differently, but I write for ordinary people). This music annoys me. What to do? You can keep silent, restraining your irritation. You can start scandalous, demanding silence. Or you can just calmly say about your feelings - "This music annoys me." To which my husband calmly replies: "I'll turn it off in two minutes, I need to check." Everything. The conflict is over. I calmly expressed my emotions (I have not yet had time to accumulate negativity, so I don't even want to throw up a scandal). The husband answered calmly. He showed respect for my feelings, I showed respect for his work. The most surprising thing is that after such a conversation, unpleasant music stops annoying. If I had kept silent, I would have been furious all these two minutes, and then my tension would have poured out into some other situation.

Why are we afraid to create sincere relationships?

We are afraid of hurting the feelings of another. It is important to understand here that by moving to this level of sincerity, when everyone says to the other everything that he thinks and feels, we become above petty grievances. When we get used to saying to another: "I'm sorry, I don't want to talk to you now," we stop being offended by: "You know, I don't like your cutlets." But when the cutlets really worked out, we hear sincere compliments and we believe these compliments ... Because this is real praise, and not a simple routine phrase according to the principle "just not to offend." And in such sincerity lies tremendous respect for your spouse ...

If you're still afraid to tell the truth ... ask yourself, what are you lying for... Most likely, the answer will come: "For the sake of maintaining peace and harmony in the family." Now you need to understand one simple point ... Whenever you lie, you accumulate negativity. And then it will surely pour out. In the form of irritation with your husband or children ... Perhaps you can pour this out outside the family. On colleagues, on girlfriends ... Why?

When you lie, you think you are keeping your family together. But this is not the case. On the contrary, you destroy harmony. Not only do you block the path of sincerity ... Then you break down and create a scandal from scratch. Are such scandals really harmony? Do they strengthen the family?

What have I done after learning how to create a sincere relationship?

Everything is smooth on paper ... But how can this be put into practice? Does this relationship model really improve the atmosphere in the family?

Yes, my experience confirms this. Of course, you shouldn't think that you suddenly start telling the truth to each other. I discussed with my husband the topic of creating a sincere relationship ... He supported this idea, albeit with some apprehension ... In fact, everything turned out to be not so scary! Indeed, when you yourself strive to speak openly about your feelings, you stop reacting painfully to any criticism in return! Many issues began to be resolved much easier ... And the relationship became deeper ... The most difficult thing is notice when you lie... And it's great when my husband points out my dishonesty. “What is that displeased voice again? Tell me how it is! " Or “You're lying again! You don't want to go there! " I am very grateful to him for his support!

Perhaps there are still situations in which you cannot tell the truth. But I haven't noticed such people yet ... The main thing is that the other person supports the idea of ​​sincerity!

Let's develop sincerity! And create a truly strong sincere relationship!