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Concept Inner Child is widely used in psychotherapy, in its various directions - gestalt therapy, transactional analysis and others. It seems that it is very simple, but in fact, it is not always immediately clear who it is and what it is about, and why it needs to be paid attention to. Clarifying questions from clients about this prompted me to write an article and helped to structure my thoughts on this topic.

The Inner Child (BP) is a part of the human psyche that contains the experience (in the broadest sense of the word) received in childhood and in the prenatal (intrauterine) period. This experience includes emotions and feelings, bodily experiences (for example, the child was frightened - everything in his stomach clenched with fear), behavior and images (visual, auditory, olfactory), needs and motivation. He does not disappear anywhere, but continues to "live" in the psyche of an adult and to influence him emotional condition in today. It is not felt at any time, but periodically each person comes into contact with this experience, comes into contact with the feelings of his Inner Child.

Each of us has a happy Inner Child who feels good, loved, safe, fun, spontaneous and creative. And there is the unhappy, traumatized Inner Child who is abandoned or hurt and needs comfort, care and protection. Much of the psychotherapeutic work goes into finding the unfortunate Inner Child (specific situations in which he suffered) and some healing treatment of the experience he has. In general, psychotherapy is in many ways a healing treatment that may have been received in childhood or adulthood.

In my opinion, we can say that we are meeting with the manifestations of the Inner Child in those cases when the roots of the emotions and feelings that have arisen lie in childhood: a long-standing childhood feeling, need, interest or desire comes to life and becomes either dominant and determines the emotional state of a person, or joins the experience of an adult and enhances it. For example, in itself it causes difficult experiences, but a previously experienced childhood experience rejection, abandonment, loneliness. Or, suppose the boss in the correct form makes a critical remark to his subordinate, and a wave of aggression rises in the subordinate - most likely these are also echoes of some previous experience, perhaps childhood. And this happens often: The Inner Child is almost always involved in emotional life an adult - his feelings can resonate with the feelings of an adult, thereby strengthening them, or they can completely dominate in the emotional reaction to any situation. Always when emotional reaction the situation is more intense than it deserves, this means that in a person his previous experience "rises".

Why do childhood experiences “come to life” in an adult? Because he is faced with situations that remind him of some situations from childhood - and the person, as it were, remembers the feelings associated with them.

Someone may disagree with all of the above and decide that in fact no Inner Child exists. The man has grown and that's it, his little one is no more. But in reality this is not the case. Every adult person continues to live his childish part, and her experiences continue to be relevant today. Unsatisfied children's need for love with very likely will be for an adult, and. And his ability to be happy depends on how he relates to this part.

One of the proofs of the existence of this childish part is such a phenomenon as regression. Regression is a transition from the state I am today, I am an adult to a more early condition psyche. For example, grown woman after a conversation with an unfriendly saleswoman, she may feel like a little helpless girl. This means that for some time the feelings associated with the hurtful childhood experience “rose”. This phenomenon was reflected in the speech: “he was offended like a child”, “she behaves like a child”, “rejoices like a child”, “I feel like a lost child”, “I feel like a naughty child who is afraid of punishment”.

Happy Inner Child gives sensation Have a good mood, curiosity, playfulness, spontaneity, and problems with its acceptance are not very common - everyone loves such good, problem-free boys and girls. But the attitude towards your unhappy Inner Child is often negative. A person can say to his suffering part: “Stop whining! I am tired of you! Pull yourself together and get busy! " or, for example, a person can scold his aggressive childish part, try to suppress it. And then we get squared suffering: The Inner Child is so bad, so he is also scolded for these feelings. The attitude of an adult to his Inner Child is always tracing paper with real relationship that the child had in childhood. We treat ourselves in the same way that significant adults treated us in childhood.

When, in work with a client, a psychologist encounters such a phenomenon ( negative attitude to his suffering Inner Child), then he has two tasks: 1) Create conditions for the person to be able to relate to his Inner Child with a feeling of compassion and 2) Create conditions for the person to be able to support and help the Inner Child survive those negative feelings that he is experiencing.

What negative feelings can these be, and how exactly can the Inner Child be helped? Most often this is fear (generated, for example, by situations of violence - emotional or physical),), the pain of loneliness and aggression. There are tools in psychodrama that allow an adult to return to a traumatic situation and help a child by giving him what he needs so much - a resource for coping. Thus, the Inner Child gets a different experience, a positive experience - of acceptance, protection, understanding. We cannot cancel the traumatic event itself (otherwise this would not have been psychological truth), but we can comfort or protect the child after him, help to survive the event in other circumstances.

Let me give you a collective example. Group psychotherapy, a woman describes the situation: after a quarrel, her husband refused to go to the cinema, and she was seized by very strong, hardly tolerable feelings of pain, resentment, anger. Request: "I would like to understand why it hurt so much and learn how to cope with these feelings." Psychodramatically, a scene of a conversation with her husband is played and, after he (or rather the person playing his role) refuses to go to the cinema and leaves the room, the woman clenches her fists and cries. To the psychologist's question: "How old are you now?", He answers: "Five." This is a regression - the client emotionally at the age of five. Continuing the questioning, the psychologist finds out what happened: the mother and the girl (client) were going to go for a long-awaited walk, the girl did not want to wear the dress that her mother offered, and the mother said: she leaves the room, leaving the child alone. The girl is very offended, she is angry and at the same time feels guilty. Further, the work continues with this childish situation: psychodramatically, it is recreated, and the client in the role of the Fairy-sorceress comes to the girl, consoles her, "sticks up" her mother's manipulation and helps to react to aggression. Perhaps there have been many such situations in the client's life, and working with one of them does not mean that she will never face such feelings again. But some of these feelings are reacted and lived, and an understanding of where they come from and how to react to them next time appears. For example, say your Inner Girl: “I see how upset you are, and I understand why. Still, this is so unfair! I am with you, I love you! "

Accordingly, you can help your Inner Child not only by “returning” to a traumatic situation. If you do not remember this situation, but feel that you are somehow unwell, and it looks like some kind of early, childhood experience, then you can talk to your Inner Child today.

How can I do this?

1. Listen to your feelings, name them.

2. Try to determine how old you feel when you first experienced this experience.

3. Imagine an image of your Inner Child experiencing these feelings - how old he is, how he looks, what he is wearing, where he is.

4. Refer to him. Is he scared, lonely, offended? The healing response from the adult part, the Inner Parent, is one - "I am with you and will always be with you, I love you, you are safe with me."

5. Place your mind in the shoes of your Inner Child and listen to the Inner Parent's message. If you want to answer something, do it and mentally switch roles again.

Psychologist and poetess Elena Ambarnova wrote a wonderful meditation poem addressed to the Inner Child, this poem is a model positive attitude to childhood experiences: "".

In order to enhance the effect of referring to your child's part, you can, while talking to her, hug yourself by the shoulders or hug a pillow / toy. Try to talk affectionately with your little girl or little boy for at least 15 minutes before going to bed for at least 15 minutes - and your soul will become calmer and warmer. In general, practicing such meditation is useful not only for a week, but every day for life.

Here are some books on psychology that you might be interested in if you want to take a closer look at the Inner Child and your relationship with him:
1. Geoff Graham "How to Become a Parent to Yourself."
2. B. and J. Winehold "Liberation from Codependency."
3. Volinsky Stefan: “ Dark side inner child: The next step. "
4. John Bradshaw: Depression and Emptiness: The Injured Child Questionnaire.

Best wishes, .

I want to offer two exercises for working with an essential part of ourselves, our inner child. It is possible that you are a parent yourself. It does not matter. Although I was told that after completing these exercises, the relationship with my child born into life changed significantly. They became more frank and heartfelt. Everyone has their own individual characteristics... I had something similar.

1) fondle your child.

Remember the child you were in one of the difficult periods his (that is, in the past of your) life.

For this, of course, you need to have imagination and it is more difficult for those who have an analytical type of mind. For people with a predominance of abstract - logical thinking over thinking figuratively - sensual, I generally strongly advise the long-known exercises of gestalt therapy: 1. Exacerbation of body sensations, 2. Verbalization, 3. Visualization, 4. Experience of the continuity of emotions.

But back to our exercise. Reach out to your inner child. Call him by name, say warm, kind words, express your love to him.

Advise him what - be. Be the parent you needed then.

Present him a toy, you yourself know which one. For example, I gave mine a real leather soccer ball. He wanted it so badly, but never got it. It seems to me that we managed to fix it. But I'm not sure.

If you have tears, then the exercise worked out.

It is more difficult for men, although nature does not forbid them to shed tears. But then nature.

Photos from your childhood can help you, because you probably still have them. Consider them carefully.

2. Second exercise. Write a letter to your inner child.

Looking at the picture of your 4-5 year old child(himself in the past), do you understand that he cannot read? It doesn't matter, imagine what you can and write him a letter.

Write how you miss him, how you love him. Use whatever words come to your mind when addressing your inner child. You yourself know what the words are.

You should feel that this child in the photo did not die, turning into an adult you, he is in you, but far away. Our inner child alive and waiting for us! You write to him and the connection is restored. He ceases to be abandoned and forgotten. He stops crying. And your tears are just not forbidden.

This is how it will be healing your his inner child.

These two exercises overlap. You can do both. You can choose one.

They may seem simple. But this is an appearance. In any case, they are deep, if you can penetrate into this depth

Adopting your Child is the most important and necessary part internal growth. Without love for your inner child, there will be no love for yourself, but there will be emptiness and dissatisfaction. Love for your inner child is love for yourself and your children.

How can you help the Injured Inner Child?

We continue talking about the key essential part of the personality, about the Inner Child.

We often find that the Inner Child is hurt and needs our help.

Often this problem stretches from childhood, not everyone had it only joyful and carefree.

On the way of growing up, many of us had to experience a lot of resentment, disappointment, and lack of understanding on the part of others. At the subconscious level, we have learned to defend ourselves.

As a result, a parallel false entity was formed around the Inner Child - the Wounded Child.

He makes us control, evaluate any situation, gradually forgetting that inexhaustible source Love is still within us.

In the life of such a person, even with fortunate coincidences, there is disappointment and there is no happiness. At the same time, he does not realize what is happening to him, it comes from the depths of his soul. Few people realize that at that moment an image is reflected in his eyes little child shrinking with fear from a parental belt or crying over the body pet who died tragically.

Psychology defines the concept of "Wounded child" as a part of the psyche of an adult, which keeps the trail of childhood disappointments, tears and resentments.

Trying to adapt to the parental scenario of life or adapting to society, children learn to pretend, and over time they simply lose their real self.

A wounded child inside us can be aggressive, envious, critical, or vice versa, indifferent, passive, withdrawn, bashful. This is primarily due to the desire to please others, while refusing responsibility and decision-making. If a person with childhood psychotrauma or a traumatic past is not purposefully engaged personal growth and self-development, then life often turns into a routine existence or continuous conflicts and disappointments ...

But if you nevertheless decided to meet with your Wounded Child, then the question arises:

How can you help your Inner Child if he is injured?

In behavior, the Inner Child is no different from real baby... When he feels bad, he expects support, consolation. You need to take care of him, explain that you will never give him an offense or leave him.

When starting to work on yourself, first of all, rethink your behavior.

We all come to this world as a small and helpless baby. Up to six years old, a child has the ability to be in direct contact with his higher self. He has inexhaustible energy, but at the same time is very sensitive.

When we were at that age, we had a direct connection with the divine source from which we drew our strength. However, they were very vulnerable, helpless and vulnerable. Therefore, all children seek support from their parents. If they want affection and love, they will hum or smile, and if they lack attention, they begin to cry.

Over time, the child learns to express himself in other ways, gradually becoming aware of which behavior leads to the expected results. In parallel with this, he observes adults and gradually adopts their model of behavior. All those forms of behavior that have not found recognition among others are rejected and turn into blocks. In the future, it is they who block energy system an adult.

Conversely, the behavior that has brought success becomes the dominant feature of our personality. This helps to protect the Inner Child to some extent. However, the blocks do not allow the release of a large flow of energy inherent in us for the purpose of further development.

Thus, healing the Inner Child is an important step on the path to awareness.

The problem for many of us is to find ourselves in different types addictions: drugs, alcohol, gambling, workaholism, etc. Only by establishing contact with yourself can you build harmonious relationship with outside world. The greatest effect can be achieved by building a relationship with your Inner Child.

What should be done in order to heal the Wounded Child?

track painful reactions and feelings;

identify and formulate the problem;

return yourself to childhood memories that led to the wound;

forgive everyone who was involved in this problem;

to form new model behavior and thinking;

walk the path to change with patience, compassion and love;

become more open and allow yourself to receive the love and attention that you lacked as a child from other people;

be grateful to the world for your changes.

Thanks to this, you will gradually begin to accept and love yourself for who you really are. You will be able to see your true desires and needs, learn to forgive, realize fears, but at the same time love, feel and enjoy life.

The Inner Child Therapy, which is performed professional psychologist can be carried out only when you have walked the path to healing on your own. The specialist will help your Inner Child tell their story gradually. For this, drawings, photographs, toys and other objects that surrounded us in childhood can be used.

Then comes the crying process. This is the longest and most controversial period. It is the therapist's job to encourage feelings to be expressed sincerely. Then comes the stage of awareness and the need to forgive and let go of the situation. At the same time, the patient regains self-esteem and learns to experience genuine joy from his personal growth.

And of course, your healed Child again finds the joy of movement, as in childhood, he is again able to play, dance, love himself and the world around him.

Harmonious connection with our Inner Child Is a guarantee of physical, mental health, inspiration and open relationship with those people whom we love and whom we value!