Comic congratulations on your birthday. The best toasts in jokes

The train stops before the border. A customs officer enters the compartment:
- Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs? Sleepy Passenger:
- A cup of coffee, please!

Let's drink to a clear conscience and a peaceful sleep, including when crossing the border

Collection of funny jokes

A man comes with a boy to the barbershop. Cut it yourself, then says:
- Until you cut my boy's hair, I'll pop into the store.
. The boy got a haircut, but the man didn't. The boy is asked:
- When will your dad come?
- That's not my dad.
- How so?
- And just this uncle came up to me on the street and asked: boy, do you want to get a haircut for free?

Let's drink to those beautiful ideas which have nothing to do with fraud.

Super toast jokes

There was a severe traffic accident. One of the cars fled the scene. The inspector investigating the accident asks the victim:
- Tell me, madam, do you remember the number of the car that hit you?
- What are you, mister officer. I was not up to it. You could say I was unconscious.
- And what? Did you notice anything?
- Absolutely nothing. Is it that a woman was driving, wearing a fashionable silk blouse with Chinese pattern and a hat decorated with artificial roses. And her earrings were just awful!

Let's drink to the amazing selective female observation.

toast jokes

One person got a moth in his apartment and became terrible force multiply. He turned to special shop with a request to give something from the moth. He was offered balls of mothballs. The visitor bought a box and went home.
The next day he came to this store and asked to sell him a hundred boxes of mothballs.
- Why do you need so many? they asked him.
- And I throw these balls at her, but I don’t always get it.

Let's drink to the fact that we always hit the target.

Two friends meet. One says to the other:
- Listen, the alarm clock in the morning acts like a shot on me.
- What, you get up right away?
- No, I sleep like the dead!

Let's drink to the fact that the fleeting time does not bring us anything but joy.

Best joke toast

It's raining, slushy outside. A beggar is walking along the road. He approaches a house and knocks on the door. A woman comes out. The beggar asks for something.
“Unfortunately, I don’t have anything, but if you need to mend or sew on something, I will do it for you with pleasure,” the woman says.
- Here, madam, a button. Sew on trousers, please.

Let's drink to the fact that the petitioners were more modest.

Super toast!

One famous shoemaker who made shoes for the "stars" received a second order for a set warm shoes for the expedition of one famous polar explorer. He completed the order on time and, handing over the shoes to the customer, said:
- Here are the boots you ordered for your new polar expedition. I hope you liked the ones I made for your last expedition?
- Yes very. They were the most delicious boots I have ever eaten, he heard back.

Let's drink to those who find, perhaps, the only chance to survive in extreme conditions.

Anecdotal toasts

The electric bell failed in the apartment. The hostess called the master, he did not come. The next day, an angry lady calls the dispatcher:
- I asked you yesterday to send an electrician to fix the bell!
- You had it!
- How was it? I sat at home all day, and there was no electrician in sight!
- He came, - the dispatcher assures the client, - he went to your apartment, called, they didn’t open it, he left.

Let's drink to the fact that we always have good communications that connect us with the world.

The employee made a minor mistake in the work .. The boss noticed this and attacked the subordinate. At the same time, he scolded him publicly, from the heart.
But the subordinate interrupted the boss, confusing him, with the following phrase:
- I work for you part-time and therefore I ask you to shout at me in an undertone.

Let's drink to our faultless work.

Toast and joke

The exhibition demonstrates a new scientific development. This is a perfect translator robot that translates from any language to any, including from the language of the future to the modern one. To illustrate the universal capabilities of the robot, an alien was invited. He unfolds some kind of scheme in front of the experts and says in his usual language:
- Gentlemen, imagine a lattice structure mounted on a monocyclic unit moving with a zvincidental acceleration...
Robot translator:
Imagine a cart...

I propose to drink for the connection of times.

Super toasts and jokes

One person argued that it is possible to foresee the most unexpected twists and zigzags of life. He even, going to bed, put two glasses next to the bed. One is full (with water), in case you feel thirsty; the other is empty, in case you don't want to drink.

Let's drink to the priceless quality of a person in business, in love, and in politics - the ability to foresee.

super tosy

One man hired a good lawyer to defend his wife. Despite this, the court found the woman guilty and sentenced her to a year of forced labor.
The client began to reproach the lawyer:
- You assured that you would achieve an acquittal for my wife, but what happened ...
- So after all, she did not give me a word to insert at the trial! exclaimed the lawyer.

Let's drink to the pauses between words, which can be more eloquent than any words.

Collection of anecdotal toasts

Suspect arrested for highway robbery. The case is brought to court. In court, they ask:
- State your version of the incident. He starts talking:
- I'm walking along the road, two men come up and say: "Take off your hat and coat." Well, I took off - from one hat, from another coat.

Let's drink to the fact that we fulfill the requests that others turn to us, but try not to get into an ambiguous position.

We all love holidays. There are a few weeks left before him, and we are already starting to mentally prepare to meet him with dignity. There are new ones on the Internet holiday jokes, which will soon come, which also tunes in festive atmosphere. And it's thanks to funny jokes about the holidays, on the eve of the celebration we become as cheerful and ready to celebrate as possible. Therefore, jokes about the holidays play an important role.

Funny jokes about congratulations

Funny jokes about gifts

Apart from unusual congratulations you can please your friends original gifts. Where can I get a gift idea? You can read funny jokes about gifts and you will see how many ideas are concentrated in them. Of course, not all ideas from funny jokes about gifts can be realized because of the absurdity, however, some are still quite real, and they can be realized by giving something not quite ordinary.

Jokes about the holidays are hilarious

What is the difference funny jokes about holidays from the usual jokes about the holidays? Do they have something special? In fact, funny jokes about the holidays, like any other text-based humor, should have a great ending that can make you laugh the most. In addition, in funny jokes, the development of events should gradually lead to a breathtaking ending. That is, the reader should laugh while reading jokes about the holidays, and finally fall after reading the joke. Just funny comics about gifts able to boast the same a high degree humor thanks to the competent design of jokes.

Fresh jokes about gifts

If you want to read only the best and fresh jokes about gifts- you will need an exceptional humorous site that can update information in a timely manner. You don't have to go far, because jokes are published on our site several times a day, adding a fresh dose of humor from various genres. These are not only jokes about gifts and funny holiday cartoons. The subject of the site is very extensive, and it can satisfy even the most unsurpassed requests of connoisseurs of humor.

We wish you to fall ill with optimism,
After all, there is not much optimism,
Be kind even on Monday morning
After all, kindness is often not enough for us.
Always lead healthy lifestyle life,
And it's better to get involved in mountaineering,
After all, we wish you mountains of money,
And mountain climbers will submit.

Happy Birthday,
Put the kettle on gas.
I bring you cookies
Let's celebrate now.

There will be many jokes, laughter,
Pour tea into mugs.
I'm almost there
See you in five minutes!

Be beautiful like Malvina
To fall in love with Pinocchio
Artemon took me to the cinema
And Pierrot wrote poetry.

Audio congratulations

Once a year without your desire
Your birthday is coming.
Congratulations on this Day to the parishioners,
We wish you happiness from it.
Accept generous gifts
Even if not foreign cars.

Happy doctors day, luminaries of medicine,
You treat both measles and scarlet fever,
Correct early wrinkles easily
The disease does not pass far.

Every sore escapes from you,
Microbes silently close their eyes,
Viruses fall into a lifelong coma,
When they see you, they can't help it.

Thank you dear, we wish you good health
After all, like no one else, we understand
Although you know how to cure diseases,
Much better if you don't get sick.

Let's do this with you...
Let's celebrate your birthday!

If you want, believe
you want - do not believe
An animal is roaming around somewhere.
He does not live in a dense forest,
Powerful in Russian.
This animal is called "moose"
- It's been that way for a long time.

May "ELSE" be with you,
To eat and sleep,
For three to drink,
To want and be able,
So that happiness does not end,
About good to dream
To make things work,
So that everything always comes true.

Even if we were stranded
We would still come to you.
And then without melancholy-sadness
Your birthday would be celebrated
Because as a "self-assembly tablecloth"
On this day, bed early.

Well, what if this self-assembly
Will be limited to potatoes and "half a can",
We are wonderful and with this "estimate"
Let's celebrate a birthday:

We'll have a bite and a potato.
We do not moan from poverty and do not coward.
If there is money, we walk and chic,
If not, then we don't panic.
Let's not be offended by fate.
The main thing is that we all get together again!

Happy Birthday! - carried by the Internet,
SMS fly and fly
The phone is like an oven, warmed up,
Congratulations are tired of accepting.
Well, I don't want to call
Do not write, send to the Internet,
I just want to congratulate
And a friendly hug!

Let's put the jokes aside
It's time for great things!
Equal per birthday
Spill the bottle!

Walk among many
Angels and gods
What's in Operations
The legs are sewn
And in intensive care
The dead are resurrected.
Give us hope
White clothes!
And they would very much
Haloes would do.
Us with any wounds
Will heal in the end.
Happy holiday, angels!
Happy holiday, gods!

We wish you to get drunk on this day,
Get lost in your apartment!
Friends, relatives do not recognize
And not find your bed!

Congratulations on your birthday!
And we didn't forget the gifts!
We brought them without regret:
They were given to us before!
We stuffed them into the mezzanine,
They've been there for the winter...
Well, take it, unfold it, or something,
Good thing we got rid of it!

I walked, smoked, a dog runs,
And he says - did you buy a cake?
Today is my brother's birthday!
How? Did you appreciate the joke right away?

Happy birthday, congratulations
I wish you the summer sun
Happiness, joy, smiles,
Fewer life mistakes

More money, more laughter
More success!
Less sadness, less evil
More joy, warmth,

Holidays only in the Canary Islands,
Shopping only on the boulevards,
To Gazprom shares
Houses were kept under the carpet!

Country house and cottage,
So that there is always luck
To happiness - to the brim,
In a word - be healthy!

Raise your tone
Happy Birthday to you!
Congratulations bonus
We deliver, love.
He grew up - not at all a crumb,
A real man!
Life is a steep road
You hold on tight!

I have a hard case
I'm kind of unlucky
Broken arm, arthritis
Broken tooth hurts.

But unnecessary anxiety
There are doctors to help
The tooth will be treated, the hand will be set,
And my health will improve.

I will praise them for this.
Congratulations on the "Medics of All Day"
Glory, glory to the oculists,
Rheumatologists, dentists,

cardiologists, surgeons,
Medicine for playwrights!
Faith in the Aibolites is eternal,
And the recognition is endless!

When we drink, we want to sleep.
When we sleep, we do not sin.
When we don't sin, we go to heaven.
So let's drink to go to heaven!!!

I want pestilence and destruction
You will receive subpoenas,
Fire, all sorts of bad things ...
Successfully in life AVOID!

Birthday is a wonderful day!
You are not asleep, my dear friend!
Why get a gift!
And also heed the congratulations:
A beautiful smile on your birthday is one thing;
Your happy eyes are two;
Good mood is three:
Three birthday secrets
They will give you a feeling of happiness!
Take your time, but live
Do not fuss, but hurry to live, to know, to love,
Forget, remember, let go...

You swore allegiance to Hippocrates,
Health and beauty are in your hands.
You, like God, pass through the wards,
As the master of the syringe and bandage.

You can do everything: give health to the sick,
And to the ugly - give beauty.
All patients appreciate intelligence and experience,
Your character is firm and kind.

And on the holiday of physicians, we want to congratulate you,
May the life of recognition be full.
For your noble and hard work
May fate reward you in full.

Let the vodka overflow
And tables break!
Celebrate your birthday
Like the best balls!

Let the girls always come to you
They fly to the light
We wish you happiness and good
So that everything in the world can!

To make the table burst with food
Bed of pleasure
To have something to wear
And in front of whom to undress.

The year has flown by as usual.
The birthday has come.
I hasten to congratulate you personally,
Let everythnig will be alright.

Let them shine with a smile
Your tender lips
Never leaves
Unearthly beauty!

You are 20 years old today
Like a year, and two, and three years ago!
We wish you not to know troubles,
Eyes beamed with joy!
Let the house be cozy!
Let Life is going years fly by!
We'll be back in a year
Celebrate 20 like always!

May those who love us continue to love us.
May God soften their hearts to those who do not love us.
And if he doesn’t soften, then at least break his legs so that we can recognize them by their lameness.

Once carried beautiful girl a jug of water through the desert and met a man dying of thirst. He told her:
- Oh, beautiful, give me a drink!
But the girl went further. However, after a while she returned, but the man was already dead.
So let's drink to girls giving us when we need it, and not when they want it!

Birthday! Really!
Has it been a year since last?
After all, from that still fun
I never left!

Conception… Childbirth… Sleep of a baby…
Our rest. Kindness and disease ...
Life from start to finish
She is with us everywhere.
And by the way, maybe inopportunely
For the first time I want to raise
A toast to the family bed!
So that in a hundred years
At least once a week
The beds creaked a little.

A girl walks, looks around - a guy follows her, looks back again - a guy walks, looks back again - the guy keeps walking, looks back again - but the guy is gone! So let's drink to the plumbers, so that they close the sewer manholes!

Friendship! Live, bloom and smell
Fall in love, burn and "go the fool"!
But there are two requests: do not wither away from viruses
And if you can, don't forget us!

I'm on the signs of the zodiac.
Have eaten more than one dog
I want a new horoscope -
Not according to the stars, but the dining room!

Happy birthday congratulations -
I present a new horoscope
What did you eat today:
So he succeeded.

If you roast a goose
So the money will come.
Pies, probably: for the ladies
And barbecue - for love dramas
And from the legs it's cold,
So soon you are a father.

In general, do you have a clear idea?
And now to the table soon!

Health, happiness, money, sidekick,
We wish! So that the soul is full!
And remember, you can't argue with that
What the sidekicks want.

If you want to be happy for one minute - smoke!
If you want to be happy one day - get drunk!
If you want to be happy for one week, get sick!
If you want to be happy for one month - get married!
If you want to be happy for one year - get a mistress!
If you want to be happy all your life - be healthy!

Happy Birthday!
Jokes, laughter and luck
Don't take the smile off your face
Grab a goldfish.

To be a very important person
Pretty and brave
Live in a great mood
Well, in short, happy birthday!

I wish you success, great prosperity,
So that money sticks to your hands ... and to your heels!
And most importantly - more friends in life,
And lots of sunshine happy days!

I want to wish you a happy birthday! Wish simple human happiness and unearthly love. Let money always suddenly attack you, and do not try to fight back. Let your desires cry from your possibilities, and do not rush to calm them down. Let your goals catch up with you, and let your dreams be stunned by your fantasies. I wish you to experience incredible ups and downs that will take your breath away.

blueberry nights,
Passion strawberry,
winged love,
Life is content.

Money to the sky
original wonders,
bright days,
And a ball of happiness

artistic ideas,
Energetic forces,
Lots of humor
Golden paths.

A bit of everything,
Good luck on the road.
Banquet without a hangover
Happy birthday to you!

What do you wish for a day?
Never lose heart
Get around all the problems
Somewhere like a tank to pass,
So that a thousand steps
There were no enemies nearby.
I wish you a feast
Bogatyrsky health
And love and respect
Only upward is always movement.
I drink to the bottom of my stack,
I eat vodka with fat
And I scream in the heat of fun
Louder than all I:
Happy Birthday!

I wish you health and a rich life,
Great place, great salary.
Let everything in life be just “Wow!” yes "Ah!"
From happiness, let it ring in both ears.

A trip to Cyprus and a Gabbana coat.
And unscheduled premiums in both pockets.
May the mood always be excellent
And your birthday lasts for weeks.

Let dreams come true,
Goals are achieved.
Budget is multiplying
Career is evolving.

Health - strengthened,
And your spirit is tempered.
Let problems be solved
And they don't show up anymore.

May misfortunes and hardships
They won't find their way to you
Trouble - do not set foot on the threshold.
Accept congratulations as a gift!

You have a birthday today!
You can get drunk "in a pig",
To play tricks without looking back
You can go shopping, go to clubs, *lyadki.

Have fun, walk, dance,
Take a break from your soul
Send everyone to culture shock!
And all the "arrows" - on the rhyme!

I want to avoid stress
And sleep peacefully at night.
Let healthy indifference
Your body strengthens
And so that the tone does not suffer,
Fill your glass more often.

I wish you happiness and good
Well, catch a beaver.
After all, they say that the beaver
Always full of goodness with you.

I also want a big house.
And to fit in it:
Love, luck, warmth,
And also laughter and beauty.

Let health not let you down
Unhappiness will be gone forever
Huge ball of joy
And the execution of these lines!

I want to live always safely
Openwork, fun, magical,
Walk with luck along the paths,
Sob with happiness, but a little.

Share joy with everyone
Catch success in your favorite business,
On the positive swim beautifully.
And so that you are always lucky.