Who drank himself, and who went crazy ... The cruel fate of the handsome men of the national stage! How to live with an alcoholic: tips for getting rid of the "green snake" How many years do male alcoholics live

Hello dear readers! Once upon a time you met beautiful man. He was understanding, caring, made you happy every day. It was a fairy tale. Now everything has changed. Cohabitation more and more disappointing. You spend so much energy on it and what do you get in return?

And yet, every time you look at him, you remember that strong and beautiful man you met for the first time. Well, why did he become so weak that he gives in to momentary impulses? Perhaps there is hope to change everything, to fix it? There must be a way out.

Today you will learn the advice of a psychologist on how to live with an alcoholic and whether it is worth it, but first you need to understand one simple truth.

Think about yourself

It may seem strange to you, but many women who live with alcoholics subconsciously like it. They feel needed. In their own eyes, they look like heroines who will surely save their loved one from addiction. This is described in great detail in the book by Eric Berne " Games People Play».

Remember teenage girls who choose their own bad guy at school, in order to correct him, to make him kind, smart, honest. From the height of the past years, we can look at them with understanding and pity: “You had a chance to meet right away with a good man, get a positive first experience. To know what gifts for the holidays, care, understanding and love are. Why did you choose this option?"

Unfortunately, when it comes to our own problem, we become blind. No matter how the husband is an alcoholic, he and she understand that. The husband gave his life into the hands of his wife: “I am weak, and she tries and does something, tries to correct me. I hope she does something."

It does not bear any responsibility for the nightmare that is happening around. Perhaps he himself does not like what is happening now, but he does not want to do anything, he hopes for a woman. Do you really need it?

Think about it, a person has been given some 60 years, and you have already spent time making the life of another better, maybe you should stop already? You and your children deserve a better life. Why waste it on heroism that no one appreciates. Children, for sure. If there is gratitude from the husband, it is difficult to perceive it properly and sincerely rejoice.

If you have children, then living with an alcoholic in the same apartment is pure selfishness. Instead of taking drastic measures, you live by the good old principle. It is scary to be without a husband, without housing, to experience a difficult one associated with parting, looking for a new relationship or another way of life.

It is much easier to leave everything as it is and fight with a specific, familiar and generally understandable person. Living with an alcoholic father is life-threatening and mental health children, but what is left for the child if, instead of thinking about preserving his health, the mother chooses to save the father from time to time?

5 rules for life

I understand that everyone needs time. A rare woman will now put aside the computer and begin to collect things. I hope that all these thoughts will remain with you and mature until they turn into something global. In the meantime, I can offer you 5 rules on how to live with an alcoholic husband and not go crazy.

Try. Give your attention to the children. They are more in need of your care. Go to the park, cinema, play in the yard. Even if the husband breaks down and drinks, do not punish the kids for this with swearing and scandals: "Well, let's go without him."

Quarrels and scandals in a drunken stupor are not perceived, you only make things worse for yourself. You raise your nerves, but he doesn’t care. He feels himself right in everything and is not capable of adequately.

Do not pity him in any way. Do not buy him alcohol and deal with his problems. All these ridiculous excuses - it's not me, it was all done by alcohol. Nothing like this! No matter how hard you drink, you will never behave completely out of character.

Yes, some boundaries of what is permitted are erased, but they do not disappear at all. You will never kill a person drunk if there is no potential maniac in yours.

A normal person can also behave under the influence of alcohol, but at the first encounter with dark side his personality, such a person, as a rule, decides to give up alcohol completely or reduce the amount of alcohol consumption.

Never threaten what you will not be able to do. This applies not only to alcoholics, but also to any other situation. If you are trying to motivate another through a threat, subconsciously prepare to carry it out. Otherwise, the “worst thing” will cease to be at least somewhat possible, in the understanding of the opponent.

If a woman constantly says: “I will get a divorce and leave,” then for the first time the husband may be afraid of this, but after the third such incident, it is firmly strengthened in his head: “She will not go anywhere. I can act the way I want."

Do not be afraid and do not hope that he will leave you. No, this will never happen. He is 100% dependent, and even if in a fit of rage one day he turns around and leaves, in a few days he will appear as if nothing had happened. Who needs it besides you? He is unable to live on his own.

The desire to quit must come from the alcoholic himself. No one is able to cure a person if he himself does not have such a desire. This is pure psychology.

The driving forces are always aimed at realizing the needs of the person himself, and if he wants to drink every day, then no action will help until he himself wants to cope with the problem. On the this stage he just doesn't see it.

Finally, I can advise you the book by Nina Yunakovskaya " How to actually help a person suffering from alcohol or drug addiction. detailed instructions for relatives”, which tells about the most real methods. Be sure to take note.

OK it's all over Now. Don't forget to subscribe to the newsletter so you don't go crazy. There are big challenges ahead of you and I hope I can help make your life a little easier.

Until we meet again, good luck and more strength and patience.

I already talked about my mother, but unfortunately I had to look for this forum again in a fit of desperation.
Mom is 40 years old, has been drinking for 15 years. I didn’t drink heavily before, but the next day after I got drunk, I most often repented, was treated and didn’t drink for several months. Binges sometimes happened, but very rarely and less than a week. And this time she has been drinking for the 3rd week. They dug it out once (it helped 100% before), but this time she got drunk 2 days after the dropper. And what is happening to her now is terrible. Terrible aggression, falls into a rage and madness if you do not let her * on business * (for alcohol) or if you mention that she is drunk with her. The worst thing is that she is already inadequate in the morning! Previously, she had glimpses when it was possible to talk to her, take her to be treated. And now she only comes into a rage, yells that we are harassing her, that she hates us and that she does not drink! I called the doctor who gave her a dropper and he refused to come again (she pulled out the phone and began to lie that everything was fine with her) said that she was now hiding alcoholism and she needed *to get drunk* so that she wouldn’t climb. I decided to follow his advice and let her drink. Bottom line: the 3rd week of binge has gone, I have thoughts of suicide, my heart hurts, my grandmother’s leg is broken (I tried to drag her when she got drunk and passed out in front of the entrance door, unable to even crawl home), a broken door (mommy got drunk and closed the door on the dog inside, and my grandmother’s leg is broken and she can’t walk), 2 hours ago she kicked some drunken man out of the house who brought her home (or maybe she brought him herself). Mommy is drinking cool... and I have a feeling that 3 weeks is not the limit, she apparently is not going to stop.
My boyfriend is in Moscow now and I have the opportunity to leave this hell and move in with him. But I'll have to drop out (that's why I'm not with him now). And I’m also afraid to leave my grandmother, because when she gets drunk, she doesn’t even take her to the toilet and she was poor for herself (although because of her, my grandmother’s leg was broken !!). But the grandmother can be transferred to other relatives, or put in the hospital.
I can't stay here anymore, I'm going crazy and I want to give it all up and start living for myself. But at the same time, I’m afraid that if I leave, then my mother will completely get drunk, and I will worry even more and will blame myself for everything, if something happens to her, God forbid (and if she doesn’t stop drinking, then happen for sure). And again, I don’t want to quit my studies at all, but I don’t see any other way out. I gave her an ultimatum (when she regained consciousness for half a day and asked me not to leave with tears in her eyes) that I would not leave until the 28th (my wedding cousin and her niece, but whom she will not go because of the binge) and look at the situation, and if she drinks, then I leave.
Please advise me, my county will only make it worse and she will finally get drunk, or, on the contrary, will it become a reason for her to think about her behavior (although her grandmother’s broken leg did not affect her in any way)?

Psychologists say that those who had at least a short time experienced stress similar to that experienced by people during military operations. A drunk person brings severe suffering to loved ones.

Some believe that the problem of alcoholism is characteristic only for our country. But, unfortunately, it can be called a disaster on a global scale.

The women's site "Beautiful and Successful" decided to devote a separate page to the topical, sore point of how to live with an alcoholic husband.

Living with a Drunkard: Peculiarities and Dangers

V Soviet times alcoholic husbands were pulled by many women. They worked tirelessly, raised their children on their own, constantly saved on themselves, hid money from an eternally drunk spouse, cried at night and grew old early. But a rare Soviet wife decided to divorce. Most just adapted to exist in the most difficult psychological atmosphere and hoped that their children would be happy.

Only now time has shown that the mothers' sacrifices were in vain: often children who grew up in such an unhealthy atmosphere repeated either the mistakes of the mother or the delusion of the father ...

The crippled psyche of a child is one of the most dire consequences life with an eternally drunk father. It is about the fate of her children that a woman should first of all think about whether she should live with an alcoholic husband.

It must be added that the crippled life of children is not the only sacrifice that a woman may have to pay for loving drinking person. Alas, drunk will take away her beauty, youth and health.

Alcoholics can promise their wives to quit all their lives, each time asking for forgiveness for the drunken salary, drunken brawl and bruises left on her body, but never improve until old age.

For any woman wondering if living with an alcoholic is worth it, the counselor's advice is unequivocal and firm: NO!

Only, as you know, love is evil. And life circumstances are even worse. Sometimes a woman cannot divorce a drinking spouse because of Great love to him, but much more often a woman simply has nowhere to get away from an alcoholic. So she tries to fit in difficult conditions and make them as bearable as possible.

The site site found out that the most persistent and resourceful women invented several coping strategies next to a drunkard.

How to live with an alcoholic in the same apartment

Sharing the same living space with an alcoholic is just hellish torment. But what to do if there is no way out of the situation? After all, even after a woman sometimes has to share an apartment with him.

For example, if the family lives in a non-privatized residential area that was provided to the spouse. Therefore, many wives, tired of fighting their husband's drunkenness, simply wave their hand at him and trying to learn to survive next to him. Their practice shows that you need to live next to an alcoholic according to special rules:

1. In no case should you try to educate your husband when he is drunk. It's completely useless. Screams, swearing, tears - all this can lead to the fact that the drunk will fall into a rage. And then tragedy can happen. With a drunk you need to talk in the most calm tone, do not argue with him. If he behaves aggressively, you need to try to get away somewhere from him until he falls asleep.
2. It is also impossible to create a husband comfortable conditions for drunkenness. Sometimes women who live with an alcoholic spouse rush to give their husband suffering from a headache pill, run to the store for mineral water or for a beer for him. Thus, they want to show the faithful that they love and accept him under any circumstances, but their efforts give reverse result: a man begins to feel like the king of the situation and simply enjoys the gentleness of his wife.
3. Any negotiations with drinking husband you need to lead only when he comes out of the binge. Until he degrades completely, you can and should try to offer him your help and support in the fight against addiction. Fortunately, in our time there are many ways to treat alcoholism.
4. Some women, tired of washing their always drunk husband, give him the most separated room in the apartment, for example, the smallest room or even an insulated loggia, and equip this room in such a way that a drunk person can experience his binges there with minimal damage for family property. Answering the question of how to live with an alcoholic husband and not go crazy, many persistent spouses advise: hide the drunk scarecrow away from your eyes and let him be with his family after he becomes human again.
5. Living with an alcoholic husband is especially difficult for women who are raising young children. If there is no way to leave the always drunk dad, you need to try to make the contacts of the kids with him as rare and short as possible, that is, if possible, leave the house with them.

To summarize all of the above, we can conclude that it is impossible to live normally with an alcoholic. In a situation where a husband drinks heavily, there are only two ways out: either help him heal, or run away from him. The second option, as a rule, is chosen by uncompromising women.

But for those who decide, you should definitely consult with a professional in the field of psychology.

A person who is not aware of his illness is almost impossible to help. But if a man does not deny that he is sick, he can be treated. The main thing here is to persuade him to start fighting. The following tricks will help with this:

1. open conversation. This is the simplest, but also the most ineffective way to influence the mind of an alcoholic. And yet, it should start with a conversation. What specific arguments and arguments to cite is up to the woman to decide. If she knows her man well, she will find something to hook him on. But in any case, the conversation should be built on the thought: “There is me, you and your illness. If you are with me, we will fight it together. If you're with her, I can't be around." Only by putting the husband in front of this tough choice, you can achieve a solution to the problem.
2. Husband's protection from alcohol. If the spouse agreed, he needs help to survive without alcohol. To do this, remove everything from the house alcoholic drinks, deprive the spouse of the need to visit the store, if necessary - literally hide him from his drinking companions.
3. Visiting a drug specialist. Only a professional should treat the disease. Only a competent physician with extensive experience will be able to explain to his wife how to live with an alcoholic, and teach the patient himself to control himself.

I must say that many women, whose husbands are mired in drunkenness, try to treat their spouses in "magical" ways, visiting magicians and sorcerers. But practice shows that most often such unfortunate wives become victims of scammers, so you should not seek help from dubious personalities. In the same way, it does not make sense to treat a husband with drugs, pouring medicine into drinks without his knowledge. In order to defeat the disease, you need to recognize its presence, join forces and do everything to bring the matter to the end.

Yes Yes - dependent people can give up alcohol and start living a normal life. Cases of the return of a drunken alcoholic to life occurred in almost any locality.

But behind each such case is a difficult work carried out by a woman who, most likely, showed stamina, toughness and determination in relation to the drunkard.

Our women do not lack stamina, so each of those who decide to live with an alcoholic will surely be able to be consistent, strict, and loving at the same time. And yet, psychologists advise them: when fighting your husband’s illness, try not to get too carried away, otherwise you won’t notice how your whole life will fly by in these eternal battles ...