Because I like. Because you smile at me. Because you are the sun, warm and tender

Hello. My name is Julia. I am 20 years old. And I feel like nothing. I feel my guilt in front of myself and in front of those who are next to me. I transferred to a correspondence course at my own request, I wanted to become more independent. But for a year already, something prevents me from getting a job. More precisely, SOMETHING is me. I was faced with the fact that in fact I cannot trust myself, I am not confident in myself and I am terribly afraid of any responsibility. I'm out of tune with myself. And that makes me hate myself. After graduating from school, I planned for myself an incredible future, it seemed to me that my dreams were achievable, but now I understand that I am weak. This disharmony in my soul manifested itself before, but everything was somehow bearable, I was trying to achieve something in life. And for the last 3 years, I simply cannot live peacefully because of this. I betray myself. I can't do what I like because I'm afraid of failure, I'm afraid of being judged by other people. I understand that this is stupid, but I am tired of fighting with my exacerbated phobia. I feel uncomfortable with people, and I condemn myself for spending my days at home using my laptop instead of helping my mother who invests in me financially and pays for my studies. Yes, from time to time I go out for a walk, talk with my friends, but I feel lonely. I cry at night. I can't fall asleep right away. Sometimes I take sedatives. Today the thought of suicide came to me again. But I understand that this is not a solution to the problem. But I don’t want to live. vicious circle... It seems to me that I will never have my beloved family, children. I always wanted to have a family where they really love each other. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. I don't know much what it is when you have a dad who can support and say how good you are, but mine was constantly unhappy with me. Relationships with the opposite sex do not work out, probably because I do not value myself enough. It’s very difficult for me to be with myself, and now I do not expect anything good from this life. I myself cannot make myself happy, and how then can I be pleasant to others when I am a burden to myself. I'm tired of myself.
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Julia, age: 04/20/2014

Feedback:

When I was 19-20 years old, I, like you, enrolled in correspondence courses in order to support myself. But it was simply unrealistic to find a job without a diploma and with normal pay in my city. And I decided to become a freelancer. Freelancers are people who work from home using a computer via the Internet. True, I was looking for a job for several months, but still I found it. What is your specialty? I think you could be working on your laptop, and not wasting time on it. Thus, they could earn money and not be afraid of anyone's condemnation.

About personal life, you still have everything ahead. Sooner or later you will meet your love. In the meantime, it’s not destiny. Make good use of these lonely years by working, reading books, and self-development. And then, when you have a loved one, and even more so children, there will be practically no time for all this.

And also remember. People will not judge you or laugh at you if you yourself, deep down, love yourself and are confident in yourself.

Lizavika, age: 22/10/2014

Yul, I am much like you and I understand. You know, you have to relax. Take away all restrictions. Remember, mom is the dearest and closest person to you, and her appreciation - one day you will be appreciated the same way. In order to really understand yourself and your politics, I think you should be solitary, this is not loneliness, there is a difference. Girlfriends are, of course, good, but friends won't bring you water in old age. The Internet is an amazing thing, BUT to save yourself and your future RUNS! Turn off the Internet for a month, hold it. Compare the difference when you live in virtual world and when, instead, you sit and think, read, talk live (time goes by slower and the day for you will become longer and selfish). Develop yourself so as not to feel guilty in front of everyone and yourself, go to a theater studio, go to a dance, where- someday, just don't stay at home. There’s too little time to beat, especially yourself, live-live-live. Do what you never did. Make yourself a haircut, dye it in blue, red, dark blond. Nobody, remember, nobody has the right to blame or blame you for anything, your life, your thoughts, your actions. Try something new, and it could be anything: threesome, parachute jumping, weed, travel, paint all the rooms, take care of yourself. Nothing is important in your life now as you are. Understand, while you are now reading my babble, you could be anywhere at that time, do whatever. Until you are more active and honest with yourself, nothing will start for you and it will never end. Do not justify yourself and your actions, be: self-critical (in moderation), open, but take your family and work seriously. The public is important component for existence among people, but you need to not be a little cold-blooded, because any, absolutely any person in your life can put you on a grand scale. Love yourself and people will love you. Today, the main thing is not at all visyyyysh education, but the unification of the mind and heart in a person. Only people who know how to behave in critical situations have dignity and respect. Many successful people with an average IQ, as you can see, they are not quite successful because of high-quality education, the main thing is to present yourself correctly, keep this in mind. Good luck.

Snezhana, age: 777 / 04/10/2014

Julia! You are deceiving yourself when you write that you are weak. You are really strong, you have a dream that you really want to make it come true. You're just lazy. It's convenient for you to say to yourself "I'm just weak" and do nothing. But you yourself feel bad about it. Try to start small. Break the usual circle of everyday life by doing any thing. Better if useful.
And one more thing: your mom needs care too. You could buy something for her or just please her somehow. It will give you the strength and confidence to make other people happy. And you don't need much for this. Just look around. Grab and close your laptop, go outside, feed the birds or a stray cat. Try to communicate with other people. Take a friend and go somewhere in a crowded place. Get used to living among people, it's so great. Smile at people - and they will smile back.
And yet - work is not just an office with a bunch of people. Try to look for other options that are more suitable for your attitude. Anything. What the soul is for.

Maria, age: 25/10/2014

Yulenka, honey, what is happening to you now is to some extent logical. Let me explain why. First, you transferred to a correspondence course, and the first thing you got was a collision with life, so to speak, 100 percent. Many receive it a couple of years later and with a ready-made diploma in hand, which makes the situation a little easier. And to find oneself, not to be afraid of responsibility - many spend half their lives to learn this, so you should not reproach yourself for this right away. Think for a start, what is there that you like, and try to make your efforts on this basis. This makes facing the cynicism of this world a little easier. You know, I think you just need a team now. You are faced with the trap of modernity - like the Internet with its sea of ​​possibilities, but at the same time, a person realizes alone with a computer that in fact he is alone. And it puts pressure on subconscious level... It becomes sickening, I do not want to live. And among people - it is somehow easier. Something new is happening. Trust me, the first thing you need now is just a sip fresh air... You still have a lot of good things ahead, take care of yourself!

Alexey, age: 25/10/2014

Hello Julia! How your story is similar to mine, but 29 years ago. My name is Anatoly Nikolaevich, I am now 49. I don’t know whether you believe me or not, but I am deeply convinced that going through disorder, illness, grief, loss, failure and other misfortunes, you need to learn to love not yourself, but to those around you people ... It's like learning to walk. At first it is very difficult and terribly incomprehensible, why? Then it’s easier, it’s already understandable and already by itself. Then, for your love, there will be happiness and respect and understanding of everything that is happening around. In this world, our souls must learn Love, for Love is the eldest of the Three.

Anatoly Nikolaevich, age: 49 / 10.04.2014

Dear Julia. I understand you very well. I'm also 20 and I'm also a sociopath. I know that life is very difficult for people like you and me in this callous world. Everyone does not like what we are doing and it kills us. They expect something from us, but we do not, and again we are faced with insults. I'll tell you what thought helps me. God doesn't care what kind of dirt they throw on us. No matter how terribly we are disgraced, no matter how stupid we look in front of people, God will never condemn us, will not laugh at us. People ... they have always condemned, condemn and will condemn this is their lot. They do not see anything and anyone except their own nose. So please don't get hung up on this. The Lord will always love us. You will understand and feel this if you go to church for services. Modesty, dear, is what adorns a person. For example, I hate noise from people. I like girls who are quiet, modest and reserved. And believe me, there are very few of them. So don’t change, don’t need to break down and run somewhere. Just think less about the bad. Love the world. Love God, the rest will appear on its own.

lost in the dark, age: 04/20/2014

Yulechka, hello my soul mate... When I read your letter, I recognized myself in you. I was also very scared to live, to take responsibility for my life on myself, low self-esteem... You are a great fellow, you realized this problem at the age of 20, but I collapsed with depression at 40, and only now I am slowly beginning to recover, and I am becoming wiser and stronger. And you will have the same thing, only you will spend less time on it. My parents also divorced when I was a child and my father could not give me the feeling that I was valuable, worthy of love and attention, special, and that I live in a safe beautiful world and that everything is fine with me and everything will be fine. And he was also always dissatisfied with my results, even at school, at home, then in my family, in my career. For a little girl, the father is almost a god, and we imperceptibly transfer the functions of God to man. And if my father does not need me, then God does not need me, it means that I am bad, not needed in this world, I do everything badly, I am not adapted to survival in this world. This is a big LIE. You are here, which means you are needed here, which means you have everything you need to live and enjoy. God always needs you, he always loves you, just see the gifts that God gives you. I know it is very, very difficult to see beauty and feel safe when you are inexplicably scared and lonely. Remind yourself that this state of fear is a lie, not true. In fact, nothing terrible is happening to you now. On a visible level, everything is fine with you, you are young, healthy, you study at the institute, thank God you have a mother who provides you with your accommodation, food, shelter, clothes. I am sure that your mother really needs you, and for sure there are other people who appreciate and love you and who will be very bad without you. I think it would be nice for you to be like a good, experienced father and, if funds permit, to a psychologist ...
You write that you are afraid to start doing what you like, because you are afraid of other people's evaluation. But you and your life and your assessments are the most important for you. Do you remember how in the Bible "Love your neighbor as yourself" Very often we do not know how to love ourselves and even confuse self-love with selfishness. Accept yourself, your talents, your desires. If you are happy you can bring happiness to the world. Start slowly doing what you like, you should not be perfect at the very beginning, you, like all others, have the right to make mistakes. Any road starts from the first step. You know that the famous Joan Rowling sent the first Harry Potter book to several different publishers and was rejected many times with the explanation that the topic was uninteresting and unpromising. Edison, to make one working light bulb, spent great amount fruitless experiments. Yes, our dads and sometimes mothers were often unhappy with our success. We ran to them to show our first drawing, or the first five in the Russian language, and they said that it was bad, not enough, the children of our neighbors were better. So we lost faith in ourselves and got used to the fact that even if we did something, we would still get a tub of disappointment and pain. Our parents or other relatives do not do this on purpose, they simply do not know how to do it differently, for the most part. They think they are helping their children develop their talents, teaching them to be hardworking and persistent. They do this in the belief that they are guided by love. Don't be offended by them, they may never change. It is very difficult and painful to change. Only heroes go through the path of transformation. You are one of them. You are scared, you are at a dead end, but you ask questions and they answer you, so you are already on the road to healing. You were given great tips you are supported by people you do not know who are not indifferent to you and who are interested in you, and they want to help you. It's cool to know what's in the world kind people... I was looking for too magic help and protection in your family and career. You know, I was married for 17 years and had great job, and then broke down closer to 40. I did a job that I didn’t like, but which gave me status and respect. The husband who was supposed to save me and protect and love me went on a spree into a midlife crisis. And I again returned to myself at the age of 20, to the same fears and hopelessness. She left both her husband and work, and finally went to her place. I already know that the world is a wonderful place where I want to be, that I have the right to express myself, declare myself, follow the call of my soul. I met a new man with whom it is interesting, but even if something doesn’t work out with him tomorrow, it’s not scary, because I rely on myself and on my strengths and I’m sure that everything will be fine with me. There are two forces in the world - love and fear. You choose which force you serve. You feel like a burden, this is also a trauma from childhood. Also a huge lie. Separate yourself from this lie. Try to start acting, maybe with at least some little work and praise yourself for every result. Don't share your results with people who will devalue them. Thoughts are creeping into my head that you are somehow not like that, that you are guilty of everything, that you are weak, tell yourself, this is not true, it is my injury that speaks, and I am completely different. I can do so much and I like to live actively. In my opinion, the idea of ​​volunteer work is great. You can start with a few hours a week. But so that the result is visible immediately. And accustom yourself to the joy of the work done. Also, always remember that any plans and ideas may or may not come true, 50/50, but this is in the event that work is applied to the plans, and if you have plans but are afraid to implement them, so 100 percent that they will never come true. As athletes at the Olympics, all of them are preparing for this event. sports life, and no one guarantees a gold medal. But after all, at least there is a possibility that there will be another medal, the labor expended will not be lost either.
Yulechka, I hope we are here, at least a little we could help you.

Elena, age: 43 / 04/12/2014

Composition

Before us is a painting by the artist A. Savrasov. It depicts the arrival of rooks. In the foreground of the painting, melted snow is depicted, mixed with tree bark, mud, clay. Several birches are also depicted; they are all naked, broken, lopsided, lonely, and, it seems, are about to collapse. Rooks sit on birches, some just sit, and some build nests. There is a lot of melt water behind the birches.
In the middle ground of the picture there is a small fence, which is already completely rotting, the paint has almost completely disappeared from it. We also see wooden houses that also rot and mold. You can see the little church, which, unlike other buildings, is built of white stone. But White stone has already turned from white to gray and is all cracked, and the domes have become dull and ugly. The same thing happens with the bell tower. And next to the buildings there are low bushes.
In the background of the picture, the artist depicted a field, all in puddles and liquid mud, and in some places on the field white stripes are visible - snow. The artist depicted the sky as gloomy and gloomy. It is all in dark clouds. On the right, barely through the clouds, the sun shines through, but still the sky is dark.
I liked this picture because it is beautiful and very natural. I also like it, because there is a village, and I like to relax in the village, and I really like to watch the behavior of rooks - it's very interesting.

1. Because it is simply impossible to resist before Your charm.
2. Because you are calling just to hear my voice.

The weather turned bad suddenly. I go home from work and feel like a compressed spring. I don’t like everything, I don’t like everyone, and most of all I don’t like myself - how can you be so irritated? How, in fact? Modern psychology says: feelings never deceive. And the fact that I do not like rain is normal, because my feeling adequately reflects reality: it is unpleasant to be wet and frozen, especially wet. And I ... allow myself to be dissatisfied. Would it be better if I enjoyed such chilly weather? Or worse, if I didn't feel anything at all? God forbid to work out to such a state! I sigh deeply, as if letting in this evening, and suddenly with a completely different mood I think: wow, the first rain ... And it smells of dampness - how long have I not heard this smell, it turns out that I like it.

In the day we have lived, we all like something, but something we don’t. The first is usually larger. The “I like” experience is amazing: no matter what awakened it, it is the source of energy and life itself. What I like is what psychology calls values. The core of the personality is my unique set of "likes". I am unique because no one has exactly the same set. I am what I like (even if some of this is not worth talking about at a party). Founder scientific psychology William James called this core personality "I am practical." American existential psychologist Gordon Allport (Gordon Allport) - "proprium" (Latin "own"). I like the beautiful Russian word "good" more. Good is something good, and also belongings, property acquired. There, in this bag of goods, not only jazz, but also fried potatoes. And this and this.

My "likes" - do I know them? And if I know how I feel about them? Am I giving the go-ahead to my love for fried potatoes? Or just jazz? Consent is the best strategy for dealing with feelings, even negative ones. After all, feelings do not obey force. "Like", for example, cannot be "made" or canceled. You cannot "like" and convey something, except perhaps to infect personal example... That we do, in general, with our children, but not always successfully, because they "like", just like ours, are free. We are responsible only for actions, and we simply accept feelings. And this bag with the treasures of our accepted feelings - it is always with us. You can sometimes sort through its contents, blow off the dust, be surprised and again suffocate from excitement and warm pain ... What we have loved, life cannot take away ...

Galina's grandmother died very old. Galya told how to her the last evening grandmother, redeemed and benevolent, lay in bed and was about to fall asleep. And suddenly he says: “Checkmark, do you remember that French singer, artist, he still arrived with his wife, an actress, to the Union at sixty ... what year was it? I was at his concert! How is it? " - “Yves Montand, granny. Do you want to listen? I have it in my player. " - "No, baby, don't fuss, I can hear him anyway ..." And grandmother fell asleep with a bright face.

At the right moment, we do not always find all the words that we want to say to a loved one. Therefore excellent romantic surprise can be a handmade gift - "100 reasons why I love you."

The reasons may not necessarily be exactly 100, there may be any number.

There are two main options for making such a gift:

First option.

The first option would be a do-it-yourself album, book, or notebook. The album can of course be bought, but then you should definitely decorate it to your taste. Write in it the reasons for your love for your soul mate, while on some pages you can have some of your joint photos.

Second option.

The second option can be neat pieces of paper, each of which is written one reason for love. After that, these pieces of paper are rolled up and tied with a ribbon. You can put them in a box, beautiful bag, an iron or glass jar. If the jar is glass, then it should be decorated with ribbons, inscriptions or even drawings.

We have prepared for you a list of the most common reasons that you can rewrite or use some of them:

Girl to guy.

1. Happiness is to be with you
2.It's never boring with you
3. You know how to make me smile
4. You always feel my mood
5. You love me with all my flaws
6. When you hug me, everything is fine
7. I can be myself when you are around
8. Passion for you makes me lose my head
9. We can do anything when we are together
10. The best day ever is a day with you.
11. You have such beautiful lips
12. You like me even when I grumble
13. You understand me perfectly
14. You will never say that you have heard this story for the 10th time.
15. We can talk about anything and everything.
16. You are my inspiration
17. There is no one more beautiful than you
18. You give me confidence.
19. You know how to make me happy
20. You always feel if I feel bad
21. I'm never afraid, because you are with me
22. You are always by my side
23. It's so nice to chat with you about anything
24. I can trust you
25. You always help me if necessary
26. When I'm with you, nothing else matters.
27. From one of your smile all my sadness disappears
28. You always listen when I speak
29. Together we can work miracles
30. When you are near, the world blooms around
31. We are the perfect couple
32. I am touched by your appearance when you sleep
33. The thought of you fills with love every moment
34. You understand me even when I whine
35. Every moment with you is filled with joy
36. The best night is the one we spend together
37. I don't understand how you can live without you
38. You at least pretend to listen to my advice
39. My heart beats for you
40. Do you believe in me
41. You always look great
42. You can call to say that you love me
43. Your embrace is so sweet
44. Your support is everything to me
45. Your jokes are very funny
46. ​​Thanks to you, I'm getting better
47. It is impossible to be offended for a long time
48. You are the most amazing person on the ground
49. I see love in your eyes
50. I love your smile
51. In the book of my life, the best chapters are about you
52. You always know how to please me
53. You care about me and don't ask for anything in return
54. You will understand if I forget about something important
55. When I look at you, my heart stops.
56. You are my dearest treasure
57. You have the keys to my heart
58. Sometimes I just need to hug you
59. When we're together, time doesn't matter
60. You are interested in all the little things in my life
61. Your love protects me
62. Everything became fine with your appearance
63. You can brighten any gloomy day.
64. When I take your hand, it becomes easy for me
65. You make our life happy
66. You turn me on
67. I want us to always be together
68. You always make me happy just that you are
69. We know the most beautiful sides of love
70. You can find the right words
71. Your happiness is most important to me
72. It's good with you anywhere
73. Even your little actions are very important to me
74. I want to keep you in my arms
75. Looking into your eyes, I understand: my dreams have come true
76. You teach me to love
77. I love to listen to your voice
78. You are the most gentle
79. I love everything you do
80. I don't want to get out of bed with you.
81. You are my very best friend.
82. You are always on my mind
83. I'm crazy about you
84. You awaken passion in me
85. You are like a magnet, I am drawn to you
86. You are my finest dream
87. With you, you can not be afraid to look stupid
88. It's a pleasure for me to be with you
89. You can break away from any business to be with me
90. I can ask you stupid questions
91. All I need is to know that you are near
92. Your advice helps me
93. You know my secrets and keep them
94. You are my sun
95. You and I look great together
96. All my friends are delighted with you
97. You can comfort me when I'm sad
98. There is nothing sweeter than your kisses
99. Our desires so often coincide
100. I want my life to belong to you
101. The reasons are endless, but the most important thing is that I love you, because I can not help but love!

Guy to girl.

1. Because you are unpredictable
2. Because You are the only (and unique)
3. Because you are happy with me
4. Because you understand me and are frank with me
5. Because you are sensual-sexy
6. Because You are the embodiment of femininity
7. Because you think of me and believe in me
8. Because you are seductive
9. Because You purr
10. Because you have uniquely-mysteriously-playfully-intriguing-alluring-caressing-mysterious-cunning-charming-gentle-sparkling eyes
11. Because you have an equally inspiring smile.
12. Because you have a divine figure
13. Because you have a cat breed and habits
14. Because you give warmth and smiles to others
15. Because you are often different (outwardly)
16. Because you like to be beautiful
17. Because You are touchingly tender with me
18. Because you can talk to me
19. Because you know how to be silent with me
20. Because you miss me even when we don't see each other for a day (all day - how long, and I already miss :)
21. Because You ask what I think
22. Because after kisses Your scent remains on my lips
23. Because You fall asleep on my shoulder
24. Because you can hear my heartbeat
25. Because You are such an affectionate pussycat that in the morning it is simply impossible to get up
26. ... because that's why I don't need to wake up early
27. Because I like to stroke You
28. Because You like it when I carry You in my arms
29. Because You give me the opportunity to feel like a man
30. Because You are the sun
31. Because you like to lie on my shoulder in the cinema.
32. Because after the movie my clothes smell like Your perfume
33. When I dress her the next day - the feeling that you are near and hug me
34. Because You make delicious milkshakes
35. Because you have soft and gentle fingertips
36. Because your hands are cold
37. Because you have metallic nails.
38. Because my heart starts to beat faster when I see you
39. Because you have an exciting velvet whisper
40. Because I like to argue with You for a kiss
41. Because you like to pleasantly surprise me
42. Because I like to surprise you
43. Because you want to please me
44. Because you laugh with bells
45. Because You love to tickle me with your fluffy eyelashes
46. ​​Because I really like Your long and thin fingers
47. Because You taught me to believe in happy carriages, tickets, eyelashes ...
48. Because you have playful curls that make me smile and make you mysteriously seductive
49. Because you see in the sky not only clouds, but, for example, a striped tiger ...
50. Because You have opened a cloud of dandelion parachutes for me
51. Because You are "forever inseparable from the rain"
52. Because You kiss my palms
53. Because I smile when I wait for You
54. Because you touch me with your foot under the desk
55. Therefore, all the poems that I read are about You
56. Because you like it when I ride you on a boat
57. Because I like to rub milk on your back
58. Because You left footprints cat feet in my soul
59. Because you appreciate me
60. Because I like to feel Your body when we take a shower
61. Because you like to feed the birds
62. Because you are a princess
63. Because you like my windowsill
64. Because You embrace me with your eyes
65. Because every evening I hear your phone call in my soul
66. Because you smile and purr when I give you flowers
67. Because You give me affection
68. Because you touch my neck from behind with cold fingers
69. Because you like the sky like me
70. Because I like it when you come unexpectedly
71. Because suspiciously often I accompany you at night
72. Because on my fridge there is an "I" presented by You
73. ... and you only need to water it on Thursdays
74. Because you don't care about the opinions of others
75. Because I am pleased to give you a massage
76. Because you speak frankly to me
77. Because you make delicious mint tea
78. Because you like just being with me
79. Because you have your own view of things
80. Because you try to be erotic and seductive for me
81. Because you like doing good deeds to others
82. Because I like it when we read aloud to each other.
83. Because you like to walk with me
84. Because you like big windows(especially on ceilings) and you want to live in the attic
85. Because You turn around to wave to me when You leave
86. Because you believe that "everything will be fine"
87. Because brushing my teeth gives me pleasure only with You
88. Because you want to be an unusual bride
89. Because I like to play with Your palm
90. Because You are calling just to hear my voice
91. Because You gave me the sky
92. Because I dream about You
93. Because You are an attentive Mistress
94. Because You are worried about Our relationship
95. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. You are the world to me.
96. Because in the light of the sun's rays that create a golden aura around You, You seem to be an angel
97. Because You are my Lady!
98. Because You are my soul mate
99. Because You are my life
100. Because I become irrationally happy, just when You are around
Having listed 100 reasons, I still did not come one step closer to the goal, because
101 reasons:
I LOVE YOU and no reason is needed