How to understand who dominates in a relationship. How to dominate a man in a relationship. What have we come to
In any human relations someone over someone constantly dominates. More common is the constant dominance of one person over another. For example, in a parent-child relationship, or a friend-girlfriend, or a man and a woman. There is always someone who sets the "rules of the game" and someone who follows them. It is normal if in a relationship between a man and a woman the leader or dominant in the relationship is a man. Every man wants to dominate the family, but not everyone can be the leader. After all, it is not at all easy to be a dominant man, as it seems to many guys at first glance. Who is able to be the head and leader in a relationship with a woman? Obviously, the alpha male: psychology calls him the dominant in the relationship.
What kind of fruit is this: an alpha male?
Alpha male - who is he?
First of all, it is the undisputed leader. And it doesn't matter where: at work, in a company or family. Most often, such a man is in the lead everywhere. For him, this is normal, natural and natural. Most especially young guys only copy such behavior, while not being a leader by nature. The quality of a leader in a man is very attractive to girls and women.
The alpha male is strong in everything. But strength is not only physical strength. Male psychology right in what is truly strong man manages, first of all, himself, his emotions and knows how to keep calm and sober mind in almost any stressful situation. He will not be at a loss, he will find a way out even from a seemingly hopeless situation. His sober, critical thinking will not turn off at the moment of impending danger - physical or psychological. He skillfully takes the situation under control, not allowing circumstances to control him.
The alpha male has a priori courage, but his courage is by no means akin to the recklessness of many guys trying to look like a strong leader. He will not climb on the rampage, endangering himself and the woman.
Such a man has deep feeling self-respect. He respects not only himself, but also his choice, he does not even consider his mistakes stupidity, but only a step towards a new experience of self-confidence. Women feel such a leader a kilometer away.
The alpha male is certainly competitive, but smart. He proves his superiority only in the area where he is confident in his strength, intelligence and skill.
The dominant man is able to violate existing rules when he is confident not only in his result and victory, but also in the fact that he will not harm other people. In general, he uses his power wisely and only where he sees a clear need for its use.
A dominant man is endowed with power, charisma and intelligence, so he most naturally knows how to inspire others and lead them. This is the kind of man women want to find.
He is conscious – i.e. he is aware of where he is going, why and what he will get as a result. It is on these qualities that the trust of other people and women in particular in him is based. But what about male dominance in a relationship?
Relationship dominance
Yes, in the relationship between a man and a woman, everything does not go as smoothly and ideally as in the description of an alpha male man. Firstly, where to recruit such men for all women who want it, secondly, does each of us, women, agree to be led, and thirdly, is a true leader always dominant in the family?
The answer to the first part of the question is disappointing, the second part should be determined by each woman herself, but let's try to figure out the third part together.
As a rule, the dominant in a relationship is the one who is higher in status. social status. He often leads everywhere: both at work and in relationships. Although there are exceptions. At work - a leader, at home - a follower.
As practice shows, the power in the family belongs to the one who is more self-confident. And that's okay. After all, relationships, family - this is a considerable piece of responsibility and who, if not a self-confident person, is ready to take it?
Usually it's a man. Why? Let's watch.
For most women, the meaning of life is love. The man is different. The meaning of his life lies not only in love and relationships, these are professional victories, and creativity, and sports. Those. a man has a certain "immunity" against dependence on relationships. Even after losing a relationship, a man still has enough other sources of joy. And this is a kind of factor in the freedom of a man in a relationship, therefore, a priori, he has the steering wheel. It turns out that the one who is more self-sufficient dominates.
It is difficult to argue with the fact that in the relationship between a man and a woman, the one who is less dependent on them always dominates. And, therefore, he invests less of his resources in them: effort, time, money and feelings. That is why relationships between men and women are valued differently. We don't value what comes easy, but we hold on tight to what we won with such difficulty! And the paradox is that, by winning back a partner, he becomes more significant for you than you are. It turns out that you initially recognize his (her) power over yourself. Therefore, the excessively shown concern of one of the partners, as a rule, a woman about a man, is more annoying, devaluing her status in a relationship. I emphasize: too much!
Why else do we observe male dominance much more often in relationships than female dominance?
Yes, because the one who relies more on reason than on emotions and feelings controls the relationship. And it's usually a man. Therefore, dear women, think before using your emotions, tantrums and ultimatums. After all, these manipulations come from your powerlessness and harm both you and the relationship.
A dominant man, according to psychology, has a certain set of characteristics that allow him to maintain his leading position in relationships and family. At dominant male developed a habit of always evaluating what he sees. This is also how management at work, parents, some acquaintances and friends behave. A similar thing happens in relationships - one evaluates, the other tries to match his taste and wishes, trying to "earn" praise or a compliment.
The one who values himself and his desires above his partner, who can be the first to break the relationship, is trying to dominate in relationships. And it's a man again. It is he who manages the relationship, considering himself smarter, stronger and more significant. But this is ideal, but in practice this is not always the case.
Often in a relationship, a woman simply gets used to giving in, compromising, trying to avoid quarrels, scandals and breakups. However, she can be smarter and better men. And this is not always an insecure woman. Often become addicted worthy women. But not yet knowing, not revealing themselves and their advantages. Here's what we women should really do in the first place!
The male desire to dominate in relationships dictates its own rules of behavior in relationships with a woman. A man often manipulates a woman, trying to increase his importance by ostentatious indifference to her.
For example, he does not call, forcing the girl stuck on him to call him first. She does not show activity on her part in terms of further dates, she may disappear for a while from her field of vision. He forces the girl to take the initiative all the time in order to be able to control her, making her dependent on himself. And at first glance it will seem that he wins. But in practice this is not the case.
This happens when a guy does not love, but only uses a woman to increase his significance. And often in order not to lose the reins of power over it. But it's a loss for him anyway. In the first, it is the cultivation of addiction, from which it is almost impossible to get rid of, with all the consequences: scandals, accusations, intimidation of suicide and other emotional “charms” on the part of the girl. In the second - the risk of losing it completely. In any case, this is a loss for a man: after all, love cannot be achieved by such methods, you can open a trap love addiction from himself and only, having received only for a while a feeling of superiority over a woman. But how long are you yourself ready for such a “surrogate” instead of love?
Male dominance - what should it be?
In the relationship between a man and a woman, no doubt, the head should be a man. And not because someone wants to, no! Because it is the nature of a man to be a leader, protector and winner. Even in the fact that a man tries to always be right, there is common sense. He sometimes uncompromisingly defends his position (sometimes even wrong) from his inherent male desire to stand firmly on his feet, to become even more confident in himself. At the same time, it is very important for him to receive confirmation of his innocence from his beloved woman. How can someone who is unsure of himself be the protector of others?
Therefore, we women should not condemn and be afraid of male domination. We should support a man in his desire to lead and be truly strong, smart and skillful.
Although any power often has its price and sometimes it is too high, so not everyone is ready to pay it. The ability to manage, lead, dominate relationships for those who are not yet a real dominant puts a considerable price - the heart of such a man, as a rule, remains closed to many manifestations of love. After all, he lives practically only with his head. But such is the price of “unripe” dominance.
And how can this be avoided?
It's simple: if there is love, trust, sincerity and openness in a relationship, the dominance of a man will be natural and harmonious. Then a man and a woman appear as two different parts of the ONE, complementing, nourishing and strengthening each other, like cells of a single organism. But if there is no love, I am afraid that the advice will be powerless.
In fact, everyone rules the world. The baby, who was born, controls the mother, the obstacle on the road “controls” the car, the puppy controls the owner. Everyone controls everyone. And dominating relationships is not bad at all, it’s bad not being able to do it.
Any interaction is subject to some system: in the context of friendly or love relationship it is always possible to single out a partner-leader and a follower. The first sets the rules, sets the direction, the second obeys them, bending in many respects. It’s good if a man is the unspoken leader in the family, whose power is based on logic and common sense. It’s bad when a woman takes control - an inherently emotional being and in some ways even irrational.
How to get dominance in a relationship by forcing others to reckon with yourself? Read 6 laws of dominance that will change the balance of power in your favor.
1 law. Dominated by those with higher social status
At the first stage, stereotypes work, which means that by default we give the reins of power to someone who is older, stronger, more beautiful, more experienced or richer than us. Such a reflex works for the reason that even as children we were taught to respect elders, to reckon with directors and bosses, to look up at the celebrities of the local court from below. Society has instilled the idea that such people are more important than ourselves. And until they prove otherwise, it really works.
2 law. The one who is self-sufficient is in power
Imagine a picture: there is a man and a woman, for one love is only a part of life, for the other it is the concentration of all meanings. Which one will be in charge? Naturally, one who knows how to derive pleasure from many sources - work, hobbies, sports, creativity. But a person who does not see the point without love turns into a slave, falls into dependence on a partner and his decisions, losing the right to helm. Inner self-sufficiency makes us free and strong. Dependence narrows the circle of powers, makes you suffer and make any sacrifices in the name of the only source of happiness.
3 law. The one who invests less dominates
It sounds paradoxical, but it's true! The more a person puts effort, money, emotions and attention into relationships, the more valuable he makes them for himself, becomes a follower. Think, we do not appreciate what is given to us for free. But if you have to win happiness with your fists, step on your throat in the name of a partner, sacrifice your desires and opportunities - it turns out that the other person is more significant for us than ourselves. That is, we recognize his power over us. That is why gift giving and overprotectiveness do not work, but only devalue our self even more.
4 law. The leader is the partner who does not attach importance to emotions
Why is the role of dominant more suitable for a man? Because he is by nature more rational and emotionally restrained, unlike the sensual female nature, which lives by sensations. If a person throws tantrums, gets jealous, pours rivers of tears, gets offended, worries - this is the first sign that he is a follower in a relationship. Another marker - the one who loves less is always at the helm, because he is emotionally closed, which means he is guided by reason.
5th law. The dominant has a habit of evaluating
Who has the right to evaluate us, to criticize our mistakes? Parents, teachers, bosses - people above us in position or status. That is why the one who takes on the role of evaluator in a relationship will always be superior to the partner he is evaluating. Whereas the second will strive to please in order to earn flattering praise from a partner.
6 law. Dominant partner is more selfish
A selfish person values himself and personal comfort above the decisions of his partner, it is easier for him to be the first to go into conflict or break off relations. Why? He considers himself better, more beautiful, smarter or more successful than others - and this is his privilege. He may not be like that, but confidence in his own irresistibility automatically increases his significance in the eyes of others. At the same time, the dependent partner will put himself and his desires in last place, will value the relationship so much that he will make any concessions, just to reconcile - and this is his weakness. fear of loss and low self-esteem make him dependent, allow others to use and manipulate his desires.
conclusions
From the foregoing, it can be concluded that huge mistake allowed by men who cling to a partner like a lifeline, shower her with gifts, allow them to wipe their feet on themselves, shake their rights and restrict their freedom in every possible way. With such antics, a woman does not fight for power, but tests a man for strength, wants to understand who is in front of her - a winner or a dummy. If a man continues to bend under her "Wishlist", endure humiliating antics - she loses interest in him, such a partner ceases to be valuable. That's why you need to build up your self-esteem and keep your mind sharp.
It is not the one who is guided by the irrational “I want”, “I will do everything for you” and “I will break into a cake” that dominates, but the one who is emotionally stable, who values his desires above relations with a partner. Only a self-sufficient person who knows his own worth, who puts himself first, is able to be a leader. However, any power imposes obligations, a person pays for the opportunity to play by his own rules. at a great cost- his heart remains closed to love, he cannot be completely sincere, and therefore receives many times less positive emotions in a relationship. Such is the price of leadership.
Probably, you often noticed that outwardly simple and calm guys have no less success with women than cocky "machos". Why is this happening if it is believed that girls prefer real men who are used to dominating everything, including relationships?
In fact, if you want to know how to dominate a girl, you don't have to act like an alpha male to do so. In general, there are two theories on this score that seducers use with might and main. Moreover, some believe that it is necessary to constantly demonstrate their superiority over others, while others, on the contrary, prefer to do this in rare cases. But which one is right?
Alpha theory or how to dominate a girl
In a nutshell, this favorite theory of many seducers is that girls and women always like real men or alpha males - leaders in their environment who have physical or moral strength, although one does not exclude the other. But how can this power be manifested? Is it necessary for a man to behave somewhat aggressively towards others, or should he be in a good way, do not give a damn about everything that happens in the world and does not concern him? By the way, both of these options are considered correct in theory.Many seducers try so hard to follow the alpha theory that they dominate everything and constantly, in fear that if they stop behaving this way, the girl will be disappointed and leave. Or the process of seduction without this formula will not succeed at all. But being a "male" every time is not so easy, and it's pretty tiring. In addition, as already mentioned at the beginning of the article, in order to dominate a girl, this is not always necessary. Read my article "How to behave with a girl?". Here you will find a lot of interesting things for yourself. The whole point is that a girl just needs to know that her man is strong and able to fully control the situation, and it is not at all necessary - with or without cause - to demonstrate this. What is important here is not the image itself, but the understanding that can be created even with a one-time decisive action. And a girl will like you simply because you are able to dominate, and not because you do it all the time. You think the other person likes that you constantly strive to control her and subdue her with your desire. No, there are, of course, such young ladies. But it's closer to sex.
Behaving like a male is nothing more than a way to show that you are capable of something. And not always based on something. After all, such “machos” do not always turn out to be heroes in reality, and if you constantly run into trouble, then the truth can be revealed, including to your beloved girl.
All this suggests that it is not at all necessary to constantly build a strong male out of yourself in order to please your girlfriend. In addition, it can be harmful, and in the question of how to dominate in a relationship. There are ladies who notice everything perfectly, and begin to use your weakness to dominate themselves. How do they do it? Yes, it’s very simple: they force men to constantly prove their superiority by putting him in awkward situations, for example: “Honey, this guy looked at me the wrong way, deal with him!” And since he called himself "macho", then he had to somehow get out of the situation.
Relationship dominance or frame control
Experts have determined that, all things being equal, a man who has the ability to control the situation will please a woman more than a man who does not control the frame. What are such people? You often came across them, these are people who, with absolute external calmness, have power over what is happening. Moreover, they can remain calm for quite a long time, and therefore simply and quickly show who is in charge here, and even put in place the most charismatic, as it seemed, male.Pure dominance is effective only at the first meeting, and when a relationship is established.. And when they develop, it can even harm a man. Perhaps my article "How to communicate with a girl when meeting?" will be useful to you. Clever woman she will simply use a man, and force her to do what she wants, manipulate him, playing on his ego and habit of appearing "cool".
Frame control is not pure dominance, but control of the situation. And if you really want to really please a girl, then you better go this way. In addition, no matter what the alpha theory says, not all girls like it when their guys behave provocatively in public, and are not able to tolerate the obvious dominance of a man in a relationship.
So, some young ladies really like your maleness and aggressiveness, but others like a great sense of humor and self-confidence, while others like healthy indifference and the ability to control the situation without straining. All this only says that girls can perceive completely differently. male power but they always react to it. Therefore, it is quite easy to choose for yourself the most convenient and pleasant style of domination. There are men who, for example, dominate only in bed, but it suits them just fine.
We also note that it is not worthwhile to radically change the style of behavior immediately. So, if you are used to behaving calmly, then feigned maleness can raise questions and suspicions. In addition, it will not be so easy to immediately get used to the role, because you have to change the whole image, otherwise it just won’t suit you.
Conclusion
Dominance in a relationship, to be or not to be, is not really a question anymore. Of course, be. Just in the minds of every second Russian woman, a man must be strong, active and purposeful. You should be main family and leader in relationships.Another question is how this manifests itself:
- feigned "maleness";
- situation control;
- healthy humor and optimism.
It is only important to remember that behavior is only an indicator of what should already be embedded in her mind. It is not necessary to boast of your strength all the time, it is enough that she knows that you have this strength and self-confidence. But if you have to constantly prove something to her, this means that your behavior is already playing against you, and your partner controls the situation.
By nature, men are given the right to dominate, it has been so since ancient times, the tribes have always been ruled by the representatives of the stronger sex. This right can either be lost or voluntarily given to a woman.
But if you want to manage relationships, you definitely have to dominate, be in charge. And this is what it means:
1) The one who values himself higher in these relationships, who is ready to break them, dominates. If you can get up and leave, you feel it. You clearly defend your position, you value yourself in relationships higher. Accordingly, the other person values himself lower. And in general, he evaluates the relationship with you as more significant for him. Therefore, he experiences a strong fear of losing you.
2) The one who is less emotionally involved in the relationship dominates.
3) The one who is more self-sufficient dominates. This means that in addition to these relationships, there are many other interesting things in your life. And if they stop, the world won’t stop for you, you won’t fall into depression and you won’t cry into your pillow at night, call and write crazy texts that lead to nothing, annoy and cause pity. Such things are usually done during parting by the man who did not manage the relationship and was emotionally involved in them. It is worth noting that such methods never work on women. Or, rather, they produce the opposite effect: you want to get rid of the annoying whiner as quickly as possible. If your life is full and saturated with various interesting, fun, positive, fulfilling things, you have many different hobbies, you travel, meet friends, are constantly busy with something, then when the relationship ends, you don’t get too upset. Of course, you will be a little upset, sad, because it is always sad when something good ends, but you will not have a feeling of hopelessness and the end of the world.
4) In relationships, the one who invests more in them is more dependent. This refers to money, attention, emotions, gifts. If you do more for your partner than he does for you, you can no longer claim a position of dominance.
5) Who evaluates, he dominates. Who has always evaluated us in the first place? Parents. They were more dominant towards us, it's natural. And the same principle is preserved always and in everything. And in personal life and at work too. The boss evaluates you, and it dominates. Accordingly, if you want to dominate, be the one who evaluates. Ratings are good and bad. Either good and you praise, or very bad and you criticize. What is better? Praise "you are my sweetheart, smart girl, you did well"? Or, on the contrary, grumble “Do you need to learn a little? And the bottom line is that you can not choose one thing, or only good, or only bad. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, the most effective tool to evaluate another person from the position of a dominant, it is to praise and criticize in approximately the same ratio. What is called to act by the method of "carrot and stick".
6) social status position in society. It just so happened that the one who is on a higher social level dominates those who are lower. Usually this is established initially: someone is more experienced, someone has more life wisdom, someone is more beautiful and successful, someone just made a lot of money. But everything here is determined not only by money, but also by natural data, some life developments.
Summary: whoever invests more various resources in relationships becomes more dependent on these relationships. Accordingly, he has less leverage to control and dominate.
There are two types of dominance:
1) Dominance is not environmentally friendly. You lower the girl's level down. Criticize it, find weak sides, underestimate her self-esteem, develop complexes. The method is not environmentally friendly, but nevertheless very effective. But he only works with people who are not self-sufficient. If a girl is sufficiently pumped in all areas and she has little weaknesses, this method will not work, she will simply send you to hell with your criticism. Dominate in this case fail. This is possible only with individuals who really have gaps in some areas. Suppose she is a foreigner and does not express her speech well in Russian. What is not a reason for criticism? Or she has small breasts and she herself is worried about this.
2) Joint growth in relationships. You have high self-esteem, you raise it even higher and at the same time increase your partner's self-esteem. You develop together, you emphasize her strengths, give her a positive charge, she blossoms next to you. This can be both verbalized and done on an unconscious level, women understand this very well.
What is the most effective way in terms of dominance? Both. This is the ideal format. Try to capture both the negative and the positive. Again, the notorious "carrot and stick" in this situation is most appropriate.
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Many magazines teach how to care, give gifts, talk about the line of conduct. But a real relationship is a war in the mountains. The main thing here is to occupy the dominant peaks and suppress the enemy with fire.
In a relationship, someone always dominates, and someone follows the leader. If you managed to become dominant over a woman, then we can assume that she is now yours.
More greatest poet XIX century Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin wrote in his novel "Eugene Onegin": "What less woman we love, the more easily she likes us, and the more surely we destroy her in the midst of seductive nets.
This is the most popular quote about women's love. Why did it happen? It best reflects the principles of the relationship between the two sexes. Alexander Sergeevich knew the fair sex too well and therefore was the greatest heartthrob of his time.
dominance in relationships. How to dominate a woman?
1. Willingness to end a relationship
The more a person is afraid of losing his half, the more vulnerable he is. A man needs to show independence and not be afraid to leave. This is the best way to tie a woman to you. In a relationship, you do not need to be afraid of conflicts and temporary disagreements. Men who make constant concessions, who are afraid of separation, who reconcile first, fawn, will never receive the love and respect of a woman. By showing your behavior that you value relationships less and can break them, you bind a woman to yourself. You subjugate a woman and show your dominant role in a relationship. The role of the dominant male.
2. Demonstration of the presence of eggs
Many women begin to download rights, try to leave, set conditions and manipulate. This is done for one purpose - to check for the presence of eggs in a man. As soon as a man cracks: he gives up his positions or makes concessions, the woman ceases to respect him. Women test men for strength not with the aim of subduing or breaking them. This is done in order to make sure that your choice is correct. Don't let the woman down. Whatever tricks women throw out, they want to obey a man. For a real man...
3. Addiction
We appreciate more what we got with blood and sweat. A man who got a woman for a reason, but with a rupture of emotions and nerves, is worth its weight in gold. The relationship is dominated by a person who receives more than gives. Less indulging women's whims, a man binds and subjugates her to himself. (see How to impress a girl)
4. Self-sufficiency
To be independent of relationships, to be able to cook, to manage the household and to be able to rejoice means to be self-sufficient. Having in yourself the strength for an autonomous life, you show your self-sufficiency and strength. Relationships are not the center of your world. You can do without this woman if she is unworthy. Self-sufficiency is necessary to occupy a dominant position.
5. Self-esteem
The higher and better man in life, the more he is valued by women. A high self-evaluation needed by men. With low or “flawed” self-esteem, there is nothing to do in hunting for women. Women feel it. You can increase your self-esteem, or you can lower the female one. The last way use pickups, but it's not very effective method. It is better to increase your rank from medium to high, and periodically criticize her. Praise the woman and criticize. The carrot and stick method is very effective in love. Women are more emotional, and this method of praise and punishment is good. Amplitude emotions make her worry and worry. This is how women fall in love. (See Sensation-Based Seduction Techniques for Girls)
In a relationship, one should be the leader and the other the follower. Here who is who. If she breaks you, she will go in search of a stronger male. You must break it.
The dominant role of a man is laid down by nature. The main thing here is you, not the fair sex. It's time to let her know.
Images from the film "The Taming of the Shrew"