The role of a man in a woman's life. The role of a woman in a man's life, or which women deserve to live in "paradise"
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It so happened historically that approximately 70% of my consultations are related to the relationship of men and women.
It would seem that I have been working with this topic for so many years, but I still can’t perceive it in a calm working mode ... I really want to more men and women were happy in relationships!
After all, the relationship between a man and a woman can be a source of great joy and pleasure, the main decoration of life, a source of inspiration, strength for self-realization and creation, a reliable rear, a harbor in which you are always expected, understood and supported ... But such relationships are 1 out of 100 ...
In the remaining 99 cases, sometimes, one gets the feeling that a man and a woman enter into a relationship only in order to realize their sado-masochistic inclinations.
Resentment, claims, reproaches, betrayal, jealousy, demands, disappointments ... Together is bad, apart - even worse. This is how tens of millions of people suffer every day!!!
At the beginning, when a man and a woman decide to be together, everything seems simple: something in the style of “just be with me, and I don’t need anything else to be happy!”. But over time, it turns out that just being together is not enough. It turns out that everyone has their own needs, expectations, desires ... And the painfully familiar begins: “Why should I satisfy all her / his needs, whims and whims ?! And who will think of me?!”
The situation acquires the property of a vicious circle, from which many see no other way out, except for the acceptance of suffering or divorce.
I'm sure to break this vicious circle, there is only one way out - to start taking care of meeting the needs of each other.
Remember, once you wanted your loved one to be happy with you.
Men and women feel happy in a relationship when their basic needs are met. Everything else is artificial and contrived.
When a person's basic needs are satisfied, he is, as a rule, ready to compromise in his expectations and desires. And so it begins joint path construction happy relationship. It doesn't happen otherwise.
What are the needs?
For convenience, let's compare the needs of men and women in a relationship, as well as the consequences of their dissatisfaction.
11 needs of women in relationships with men
- The need for a sense of security, safety, confidence that a man will organize everything, “destroy”, save ...
A woman who is not given a sense of security and safety by a man will be anxious, confused and nervous. Subsequent causes for conflicts are already a consequence, not a cause. - The need for attention to her feelings, thoughts, experiences and dreams.
If a man does not pay attention to inner world women, is not interested in her life, does not want to listen to her, the woman will feel that she is only being used, that she is lonely and not loved.
Over time, this translates into indifference in caring for her husband, refusal or a formal attitude towards sex, and so on. - The need for calm acceptance of her emotional swings and bad moods.
It's no secret that women tend to emotional swings. Takova female nature. If a man, instead of calm acceptance and empathy, reacts aggressively to these differences, he, in fact, becomes a woman in the eyes of a woman. Gradually, she loses respect for him as a man. - The need to hear from her man that she is a queen, a princess, in general, the very best.
Without satisfying this need, a woman eventually ceases to follow how she looks with her husband, her eyes go out, and sexuality can be directed to other men who will satisfy her need. - The need for respect for her female activities and interests: communicating with friends, visiting beauty salons, shopping, psychological seminars, needlework and other desire for self-realization.
It is through the attitude of a man to women's activities that a woman understands that she is respected. Without respecting the interests of a woman, it is pointless to count on respect male interests from her side. - The need for romance and surprises, for "feats for her." This is how a woman feels that she is loved.
Without satisfying this need, she feels like a “driven housewife” and begins to nag her husband with or without reason. - The need for gratitude for what she does for the family.
Without gratitude, caring for a husband becomes a conjugal duty for a woman, and for him that which brings joy and pleasure. As a result, the atmosphere in the house and in relationships will be far from comfortable. - Need to spend time with husband and children.
This is the woman's idea of a happy family. This gives the woman inspiration. Otherwise, the place for her husband in her life becomes minimal over time. Relationships turn into formal cohabitation. - The need to love, to feel needed by a man. This manifests the self-realization of a woman in a relationship.
If a man courts a woman from all sides, and at the same time says that “he doesn’t need anything from her, as long as she is with him,” one day this the woman will leave to a man who will need a lot from her. - The need for fidelity of a man, the feeling of being the only one.
First of all, a woman feels the fidelity of a man precisely when she hears from a man that she is the only one for him. Without fidelity, relationships for a woman lose their meaning and, in fact, end there. The final divorce is already a matter of time and the right moment. - The need to admire your man.
A woman wants to be proud of her man, so that he is special, possesses as much as possible a large number male virtues. If a man does not work on himself, is not demanding of himself, does not develop - next to such a man, a woman ceases to feel like a woman
11 needs of men in relationships with women.
- The need to be an unconditional authority for your woman.
If a woman does not trust a man, is not ready to accept his decisions, expresses doubt that he is able to take care of her, the man ceases to feel his responsibility for her, does not show concern and does not give a sense of security. - The need to receive from a woman love, tenderness, understanding, a sincere caring attitude to everyday life.
Whatever a woman does for her husband and family, if she does it without love and tenderness, a man will not truly appreciate it. Yes, and he will not show attention to the feelings of a woman. As a result, both will live by the principle: “I fulfill my duties, and I don’t owe you anything else!” - The need to be accepted as you are.
If a woman often tells a man about his shortcomings, constantly “nags” and reproaches him, the man either feels eternally guilty, loses faith in himself, becomes a failure, or shows aggression towards her and reproaches in response. - The need for a woman's unconditional faith in the strength of her man, in his ability to cope with any difficulties.
A man's self-esteem to a large extent determined by the woman's attitude towards him. If a woman does not believe in him, then he ceases to believe in himself over time. The result is an unrealized, unfulfilled, dissatisfied man next to the woman. Further, this can be expressed in alcoholism, gambling, drug addiction, etc. - The need for a woman to respect and share his interests.
Satisfying this need is the basis long term relationship with a man. The consequence of a woman not sharing a man's interests is likely to be the man's lack of desire to spend time with her. - The need for a woman to enjoy having sex with him, to give him her tenderness and love.
If a man does not feel sexually attractive to his woman, or a woman is indifferent to sex, he will be irritable and prone to cheating. - The need for gratitude, recognition of the value of everything that he does for a woman.
If a woman takes everything that a man does for granted, and even more so if she is constantly not satisfied with what she has done, the man stops doing anything at all and goes into himself, a computer, TV, etc. - The need for respect for one's territory, for freedom of choice: "what I consider it necessary to do now."
If a woman does not respect the right of a man to decide when and what to do, does not show patience, and constantly reproaches in the style of “promised, but did not do,” she begins to behave like a mother, and imposes on a man the role of not a husband, but a negligent son. This is how he eventually becomes. - The need for fidelity of a woman, confidence that he is the best for her.
A man first of all feels the fidelity of a woman when he hears from a woman that he is the best for her in all respects. If a woman makes him understand that there are better men, he will soon let her know that there are better women. - The need to feel like a hero, savior, hope and support for your woman.
If a woman tends to do everything herself, the man next to her degrades and, in fact, they change roles: the man behaves more like a woman, and the woman behaves like a man. - The need to be admired by your woman.
A man wants to be proud of his woman, so that she is beautiful, well-groomed, sexy, and at the same time interesting as a person. If a woman does not take care of herself, stops thinking about how she looks in front of her husband, does not develop as a person, next to such a woman a man stops feeling like a man.
Three key points for those wishing to put this knowledge into practice.
- Usually in this thread I hear this objection: “Okay, I understand the importance of satisfying needs, but why should I do this in the first place? Let him/her do something first.”
The truth is that you should always start with yourself.
No other is given.
2. As a rule, when men and women begin to apply this knowledge, they expect quick results and, not having received them, they decide that "everything is useless."
It is important to understand that any change in a relationship is not a quick process and, depending on the initial situation, can take anywhere from one month to three years.
3. Many sincerely believe that "it is better to find a new partner, and not save a relationship that does not suit you."
The practice of life suggests that people tend to transfer established patterns of behavior from old relationships to new ones. Therefore, to expect that in a new relationship, everything will automatically be different is unrealistic.
True love is an ability to be developed, not a lottery win.
Love differs from falling in love primarily in that falling in love is given to us “for free” as an emotional outburst over a short distance.
But love is already daily labor, requiring the work of the soul over a long distance.
So enjoy the process and don't quit halfway through. Then the result in the form of a happy relationship is guaranteed to you.
Everything is very true, wise and right! It is precisely noted that a woman admires more the personal qualities of a man, but a man is still more external in a woman - beauty, and internal is secondary. And very interesting point, you write, a man should only respect the interests of a woman, but a woman should share the interests of a man. Here last moment can be very difficult for many. Well, I love football, for example, and I can listen about cars or politics, but sometimes it’s not interesting for a woman - well, no way !!! Hunting, for example, well, in general, the soul of many women does not lie in killing animals ... But you are right in practice, one respect for the interests of a man is not enough .... just DIVIDE. How can it be for those who, by no means, can share some interests - well, no way !!! Thank you for the article!
Alexander Pechersky
Well, in fact, it is not at all necessary to participate directly in the hunt. But if a man brought prey, and a woman even refuses to cook it, or instead of delighting with her getter, she expresses her displeasure about this in every possible way, then the prospect of problems in the relationship here looms very clearly. So in this case a woman needs to choose between her vegetarian values and the value of harmony in relationships.
Good day to all! I don’t agree with the author that a man has as many needs as he wrote, because I have fewer of them: 1. I want to be full, warm, breathe clean air, see acceptable pictures. 2. I want to have a permanent or permanent partners. 3. I want to enjoy whatever I do.
Alexander Pechersky
Vitalik, in this article we are talking about needs, the satisfaction of which depends on the relationship partner. The needs you listed belong to a different area.
Svetlana
The article is very useful, of course, high-quality relationships are daily work, and mutual. Everything coincides with women's needs, respect, and men's are understandable, but there are nuances that always spoil everything, and how to get rid of men who are rushing to the wrong steppe, who want to be in the subject of even women's household chores, their comments, tips, remarks, how to cook "correctly" i.e. according to his technology (yours is not particularly appreciated), cups are folded "according to height", lids, jars ... If you love, do you fulfill this whim? and then? What's next? Hatred is stupid somehow. Retrain ... also no, put up? morality
Alexander Pechersky
Svetlana, well, of course, any permanent relationship consist of continuous nuances. It is the mutual readiness to discuss these nuances, to listen, to hear, to negotiate, that determines the degree of closeness in a relationship.
Good day. Yes, of course, they discussed, and swore, and reconciled. An avid bachelor - who knows how to do everything better, more correctly, remains single again afterward and bites his elbows, asks for forgiveness, start everything from scratch ........ but deep down disgusting. My feelings just dissipated somewhere, dispelled, disappeared, the desire to see him, to cultivate patience in myself is gone, if we did not hear each other when love seemed to be burning, passion was seething ... I look around, looking for my mistakes, misses ....but I am also a person who has his own views and habits. I shouldn't break myself! When I said frankly that I didn't like it, it humiliated him - like this, I'm the Chief, I Know How It Should Be. Lamala, pleasing, tried to be wise, but the situation worsened and "your" patience worked against us, that's how it happened (
Catherine
Alexander, but what if the husband does not satisfy my needs for tenderness and affection? I tried to just talk about this topic, but he resists and believes that only bibs and fag ... am (sorry) need veal tenderness, says that I just have an "increased" need for this, although he can not never kiss or hug, and if he kisses, then on duty a smack on the lips and that's it, well, why is it so rotten? (((and I feel that I'm going out next to him (
Alexander Pechersky
Ekaterina, of course, not knowing the nuances of your specific situation, I can only answer in general. Usually there are two key points here: the first is the understanding that any human quality, like a medal, has two sides. For example, a man can be a man of deeds and deeds, and back side of this - a cool attitude to conversations and other tendernesses. Obviously, if you value one side of the coin, then the other side must be accepted as an integral part of the first. And the second point is the understanding that what we pay attention to always develops and intensifies. Based on this, in order to develop the desire to satisfy your "increased need", your increased gratitude is needed. The more bonuses your husband receives for the desired behavior, the more often he will want to repeat it).
It seems to me that we simply must listen to the opinion of such a specialist. You don't need to talk about what you want, you need to take care of that person. who is next to you. And rightly said
Desperate Financier
General need - a happy family. This is what both men and women need. However, there are exceptions
sadness
What if a man is not at all inclined towards point 8 - spending time with his wife and children ... he can spend time only when he realizes that it just looks strange if he again spends time with his entertainment ... but then as moral compensation requires even more time for a loved one ... is it possible to change the situation or is it a hopeless case?
Alexander Pechersky
Well, for a full answer, you need to understand the situation through the eyes of your man. Well, I can only say obvious truth: if there is mutual respect, willingness to listen and hear each other, as well as the desire to participate in each other's happiness, anything can be changed. Without it, it's unlikely...
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Based on the movie "Angel-A".
This article will discuss who a woman can be for a man, how a woman can raise a man, help him grow up.
There is no injustice in the fact that a woman should make an effort to raise a man, no. Just the opposite is unfair, when a woman expects a man to fall at her feet and make her happy just for the right to be there.
Unfortunately, you have to use words like "should/should", which can be understood in very different ways. In reality, of course, no one owes anything to anyone. When I say that a woman "should" make an effort to help her man grow up, I only mean inevitability: if a woman wants to be happy with a man, she will have to make an effort to grow him.
Film "Angel-A"
I avoided this film for two years - the actor who is there in leading role. I don’t remember how it turned out that I did watch it, but I definitely didn’t expect anything special from him. And it turned out that the film is very wow.
I watched it in Russian dubbing - the voices and manner of speech of the characters worked out wonderfully, probably only the original is better. The film is black and white, shot with humor and in a somewhat unconventional manner, but very harmoniously - tastefully and without unnecessary extravagance. It is interesting to watch it even without any psychological overtones.
What the director wanted to say with this film is not important. Maybe he wanted to show the hard fate and the work of angels, or maybe he acted out his personal fantasy about a long-legged blonde, but for us, those images and examples that you can see in him and use in your needs are more important. Unfortunately, the last ten minutes of the film are devoted to playing up the "snotty happy end" and spoil the overall impression a bit. IN therapeutic purposes it would be worth putting the end in a different place and a little differently, but no one asked us.
Submit to a man.
The protagonist of the film is a man, an introvert, a loser. He is so lied and confused in his life that he ends up on a bridge with the intention of drowning himself. He has nothing but debts left and he is ready to jump into the water when a woman appears next to him ...
From the very first minutes, she forces him to act - to stop reasoning, doubting and evading, he decided - do it. She jumps into the water first and thus sets an example for him. Instead of moralizing, dissuading, or poking his nose into his own indecision, as women often do with their men, she supports his undertaking and helps him take the first step. She helps him act like a man. And he jumps after her - discarding all the pros and cons, forgetting that he is no swimmer, he jumps from the bridge into the water to save her. And here it is not the chivalrous act that is important, but the very fact that he rushes forward, acts in spite of fear and all doubts. He pulls her out of the water, and she takes the next step - something that a woman is very rarely capable of, but something that every woman should learn - she puts herself in the hands of a man.
She forces him to take responsibility for a woman, but not on the terms on which this usually happens - not in such a way as to dump his problems on him and take him under the bridle, but in an adult way - in exchange for his own will. She submits to a man and thus again drives him into a situation where he is forced to behave like a man - to make clear decisions and act.
The most important thing here is that she does not drive him with a stick, does not put pressure on him and does not demand anything. She says - “Now I am yours”, in all seriousness obeys his will, and the man is trapped - now HE is the main one, he should make decisions, he should be responsible.
From a woman, this maneuver requires overcoming her own pride and readiness to stand at the throat of her own song. Every woman in a relationship with a man wants to be weak, but in order to be weak with all the advantages of this role, a woman needs to be very strong.
Only by learning to voluntarily give her will into the hands of a man, a woman gets what she wants - the opportunity to be a weak and strong man next to her.
A woman "should" make every effort not to become a mother to a man, even when he himself pushes her to do so. This is where all the wisdom and endurance that a woman is capable of are needed - not to defeat a man at any cost, not to subdue him, but to surrender to him herself.
Accept without judgment.
We return to the plot of the film. The next significant moment is how a woman shows a man his mistakes. She does it very correctly - tough, but without any judgment. She accepts a man with all his weaknesses and shortcomings - she does not judge him, does not laugh at him, does not try to rise, humiliating him. She really wants to help him correct these mistakes.
And at the same time, there is no maternal indulgence in her - she remains a woman who has given herself into the hands of this man.
One does not interfere with the other - she is responsible for her choice and does not require a man to be somehow different. She only helps him do what he wants - to become stronger and freer.
He constantly receives psychological cuffs from her. But this does not humiliate him, because she does not try to humiliate him, she tries her best to help him. Why would a woman humiliate her man - in order to be happy with a zatyukanny miserable creature? And who will benefit from this?
Learning to accept a person is the most difficult and most important task in a relationship. This is the foundation without which no strong relationship it can't be, and that's the foundation that will suffice even if everything else goes wrong.
Look in the mirror - can you accept at least this person without any reservations?
Allow mistakes to be made.
Next important point, which is perfectly shown in the film, is how a woman allows a man to make a mistake. She knows in advance that the solution accepted by a man, will lead to a loss, but, nevertheless, allows a man to get a negative experience. He loses HER money, but her intervention is limited to only an unobtrusive warning about a possible mistake.
This is very different from how women (and mothers and friends) usually react. It is believed that to warn a person from a mistake is the highest manifestation of concern for close person. However, in practice, such care turns out to be nothing more than a disservice. A person is deprived of the opportunity to receive his own experience and learn something, instead, he only strengthens doubts about himself and fears of the difficulties of life.
Women have a well-developed sense of possible dangers, and the task of a woman is to warn a man about them. But final decision should still be left to him. A man must make his own decision and get the result he gets. Even if it be the most stupid mistake but for him this is the only opportunity to learn something.
A man, a child, a friend should be allowed to make mistakes and be held responsible for them - this will be a manifestation of love and care, and not something to save them from pain and trouble at any cost.
Don't regret.
There are a few more in the movie interesting examples of how a woman can help a man grow up, but let them be left for you to train your own powers of observation.
And the last thing I want to pay attention to is how a woman helps a man stop feeling sorry for himself and overcome his fear. This is where it all starts and ends. Fear and self-pity are the main enemies of a man. And in overcoming them, a woman can be either a great helper or a huge hindrance.
With some reservation, you can even say so - only in a relationship with a woman can a man overcome self-pity. If fear is something that a man can handle on his own, then a woman is needed to defeat pity.
The thing is that self-pity is formed as a continuation of the model of the relationship between mother and child. And until the man breaks out of the frame baby pattern perception, and will not learn to see in a woman just a woman, and not a mother, he will continue to feel sorry for himself.
This template can be broken by the example of a woman who loves, but does not regret, points out weaknesses, but does not condemn, pushes to action, but does not control, requires courage, but not for herself, teaches honesty, but not in front of herself ... How many women on is it capable? But everyone wants to be happy.
The man was weak, dependent and unhappy, but he became strong, free and happy. The woman raised the man and raised herself.
Morality.
A woman helps a man get rid of self-pity, and a man helps her overcome her own pride - this is the meaning of a relationship if used as a basis for mutual development.
Why all these difficulties? Why can't you just live and have fun without making any effort? You can ... as they say - "if you are not interested in the result."
Overcoming these two fundamental problems - self-pity and pride - is the line that separates happiness from unhappiness. Without passing it, a person may be in best case, is satisfied with his existence, but he will never be at peace with himself - he will always need external recharge to feel normal.
Now we've been talking about feminine side problems, but, of course, a lot here depends on the man. If he himself does not want to overcome his childish behavior patterns, then no professional angel will help him. And if he wants, then he doesn’t really need kicks either - light hints and tips will suffice.
- Translation
Testosterone of course
Many years ago, when I was researching for my doctoral dissertation on the evolutionary history of men in a remote tribe of hunter-gatherers living in the forests South America, I met a man in a badly worn baseball cap, which he probably got from the missionaries. On the baseball cap it was written: "There are three stages in a man's life: a stallion, so-so, not a fighter." Really. It was somewhat sobering to see the summary research work life on a hat that you can buy for a few dollars at a roadside shop. But therein lies the elegance of interesting science.
It is no secret that mortality due to accidents and risky behavior is much higher among young men, especially in late adolescence and right after 20. Insurance companies know this well. It is also known that men die before women, regardless of environment or lifestyle, and are often more prone to cancer and disease of cardio-vascular system V early age. Generally speaking, the risk of running into one of the most common 15 causes of death in the US in men is greater than in women in almost all cases - and these causes are responsible for 80% of all deaths.
Obviously, features of evolution play a role here. The only question is why. Why does natural selection hate men? This is a very interesting academic question. But now that I'm over 50, I have to admit that the issue of aging becomes more and more relevant with each new gray hair.
It turns out that shorter life expectancy and increased risk death in males is a common phenomenon among different types. Natural selection does not always favor traits commonly associated with health, energy, and long life. It prefers characteristics that lead to more successful reproduction, or, as evolutionary biologists say, to an organism's greater fitness for reproduction. If the benefits of good fitness outweigh the cost of short life or ill health, biology will opt for the former. In general, sex is more important than candles on the cake.
The trade-off between longevity and fertility is clear for women: pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding are physically exhausting and draining of energy. Research has shown that what more woman gives birth to children, the greater her oxidative stress, which can lead to accelerated aging after menopause. A historical study of rural women in Poland in 2006 found a correlation between the number of children and the time women spent after menopause. And although we need more research, judging by everything, reproduction takes years of life from women.
But what about men? They apparently do not suffer from pregnancy, but still expend a lot of energy - also to the detriment of their later life - to improve the chances of reproduction. These efforts are expended through risky behavior, the accumulation of more body mass, especially sex-dependent muscle mass - on the shoulders, back and arms. The metabolic cost of extra muscle is comparable to a woman's energy expenditure on pregnancy and breastfeeding, but such problems can more or less be dealt with. After all, it is reasonable to acquire in the course of evolution such physiological mechanisms, which would help to cope with the shortcomings that arise from the often conflicting needs of the body. Hormones play essential role in managing these problems. In men, testosterone regulates muscle growth and reproductive behavior. But, like everything else, you have to pay for it.
Testosterone is often described as the male sex hormone. Women also produce testosterone, but in much smaller amounts. In addition to its effect on such features of the sex as the stimulation of beard growth and deepening of the voice, testosterone is an important anabolic hormone, significantly affecting the distribution of energy in men. It stimulates anabolism, or muscle building, and increases metabolism, the rate at which muscles burn calories. Testosterone also stimulates the burning of adipose tissue. And yes, it enhances libido and mood. So testosterone does a lot of things that can be called healthy - but this sword can be double-edged.
Male spotted marsupial martens experience a one-time spike in testosterone levels, leading to an increased urge to mate and increased number deaths
By burning fat, you will look better in the mirror, but in wild nature lack of fat can lead to malnutrition and infections. In many organisms, this effect is very clear - a sharp rise in testosterone levels leads not only to increased reproduction, but also to the appearance of problems with other physiological needs associated with health. For example, the spotted marsupial marten is a medium-sized Australian marsupial. Male spotted marsupial martens experience a one-time spike in testosterone levels, leading to an increased desire to mate - as well as an increased number of deaths due to increased aggression and fat depletion. Their females live up to three years, and males at best - up to a year. As ecologist Jamie Heiniger says, “Their males practically fuck themselves to death.”
The effect of testosterone on longevity and aging in humans is less clear and harder to assess, but given that men are living shorter lives, a similar situation can be imagined. Since it would be unethical to experiment on men to increase their testosterone to determine its effect on life expectancy, researchers have to look for hidden evidence, often in historical data. IN late XIX century in China and the Ottoman Empire, men from certain religious sects were subjected to complete removal genitals. Eunuchs were common in the royal courts of pre-industrial Korea, as well as in boys' choirs in Europe in the 17th and XVIII centuries. Although other ethnographic evidence of castration can be found, these three cases are unique in that, among other things, data on life expectancy have been preserved. The Chinese and choir boys had no difference in life expectancy compared to normal men; In Korea, an increased life expectancy has been recorded. Such are the difficulties of science. Even if these studies would give the same results, it still would not be sufficient evidence for a final verdict. Life expectancy can be influenced by other factors, from nutrition to socioeconomic status, that have nothing to do with the influence of testosterone.
To build a more complete picture, the scientists needed to study the effects of testosterone supplementation on “intact” males. Ornithologists have shown that an increase in testosterone levels often increases a male's ability to organize multiple nests, resist competitors, and produce more offspring. Moreover, males whose testosterone levels were elevated natural causes showed the same benefits. If testosterone is so good for reproduction, why don't all males maintain it? high level? Again, you have to pay for everything. Male birds that were given testosterone boosts bred better but survived worse. They accumulated less fat and survived the breeding season with less success.
Moving from birds to humans, increasing testosterone levels in otherwise healthy men is becoming increasingly popular and may provide answers to the trade-offs between reproduction and longevity. And while it is still very early to judge whether men with increased testosterone live shorter lives, the first evidence is beginning to emerge. According to a 2014 study, older men taking testosterone were at risk of having a sudden but non-fatal myocardial infarction within 90 days of their first treatment. High testosterone can improve muscle growth, but older men's other organs may not be able to handle the metabolic load. Clearly, more research is needed.
Testosterone not only affects metabolism, it is also responsible for a significant impact on immunity throughout a man's life. As Yale evolutionary biologist Stephen Stearns says, "Machism leads to disease." Indeed, men are often less resistant to infections than women. There are several possible explanations for these differences. Perhaps men are more at risk of getting sick than women. Or perhaps the men chemical reasons fight infections worse - there is growing evidence for this point of view. Testosterone suppresses the immune system, while estradiol, the main female steroid, stimulates it. However, the latter factor increases the risk autoimmune disease in women - again, this is a compromise that nature is willing to make for the benefits that estradiol brings for reproduction. In wild populations of birds, reptiles and mammals, testosterone impairs immune function and increases the severity of infections and deaths. Whether this works in humans is still unknown, but it seems that the data for regions with high risk infectious diseases confirm this. In 2005, researchers were working in Honduras and found that testosterone levels were lower in men infected with malaria compared to healthy individuals. And when sick men were cured, their testosterone levels rose.
Infection is not the only type of disease that men need to worry about. Testosterone and other sex hormones have been linked to an increased risk of cancer, especially prostate cancer. In populations with increased level testosterone is observed and an increase in the incidence of prostate cancer. Again, sex beats the candles on the cake.
So why do men tolerate bad influence testosterone? The Darwinian explanation is that the potential reproductive gain for male mammals is higher than for females. For the reproduction of males, mating opportunities are an important limitation. Theoretically, a male mated with a hundred females can produce 100 or more offspring. The females are not like that. The prevalence of polygamy in mammals, primates, and many human societies speaks to the impact of this difference in reproductive restrictions on males and females. Females can increase their reproductive potential by increasing the number of mating opportunities, but not by bearing more offspring. In fact, male mammals are willing to tolerate costly hormones like testosterone, invest in expensive tissue, and engage in risky behavior because the potential benefits of such a lifestyle are high.
All this worked for a hominid that lived in the Pleistocene a couple of million years ago. But does it make sense for modern men? Maybe. Although culture greatly affects people, the conditions of natural selection are a variation characteristic features and different success in reproduction - will not go anywhere.
This does not mean that men cannot develop other reproductive strategies in the course of evolution. Despite being prone to risky behavior and displaying costly and life-shortening traits, males have developed an alternative form of reproductive participation in the form of paternal contributions to offspring fitness. For paternal contributions to evolve, males need to be able to take care of their offspring. Risky behavior and expensive fabrics need to be sidelined to improve health and prolong life. Indeed, men tend to show a decrease in testosterone and gain weight when they become fathers. It is possible that fatherhood is good for health.
I doubt that in men, and in general in humans, natural selection has stopped. We still have to endure short life And poor health because of the history of evolution, but the essence of evolution is change. Man is very plastic. It is probably because of this physiology that can support our plasticity that we have evolved our defining traits: large, expensive brains, long life, long childhood, offspring requiring care. This may also explain why we are already 7 billion. This is a very serious reproductive fitness. Males developed new reproductive strategies, such as paternal investment, that likely influenced their evolutionary success. But that doesn't change the fact that they still need testosterone to reproduce. It is unlikely that you will ever be able to get rid of its impact on life expectancy and health - but it is better than being a male spotted marsupial marten. Although, it's an awesome way to die.
Richard Bribiskas is Professor of Anthropology, Ecology, Evolutionary Biology and Associate Dean for Development and Diversification at Yale University. He is the author of How Men Age: What Evolution Has Revealed About Male Health and Mortality, and Men: A History of Life and Evolution.
modern woman active, independent and self-confident. Sometimes it is not even clear why she needs a satellite.In our time, the boundaries between and have been erased. Maybe that's why there are fewer and fewer happy marriages today?
For a long time I tried to figure out which one. Meek, gentle, calm - that's what many books say. But how to become one? How to stop worrying about what is happening, not to control everything around? These answers did not come for a long time. But it turns out that you can figure everything out, it is worth approaching the issue from the other side - through men. It is easier to determine what exactly is included in men's duties to then talk about women's.
The role of a man next to a woman
The roles of the sexes were distributed over millions of years, while evolution was going on. Each was responsible for his own range of duties. In general, created favorable atmosphere for life and reproduction. Everyone understood their roles and lived by these rules. And it's not about patriarchy, as it might seem, but about physical capabilities, features of the body and reserves of the body.
The man has historically been a protector. He bravely defended his cave from any enemies: animals or people. It was not a woman who threw herself at the enemy, but a man, as he possessed physical force the ability to hold a weapon. Therefore, men went to war - to protect not only their wife and children, but also the land.
The second function of a man is to get food. It was the representatives of the stronger sex who went hunting. brought into the house was a sign of prosperity. Only the strongest warrior could catch prey. He had to hunt her down, chase her down, and then fight to kill her. The woman, while the man was hunting, collected roots and berries. But you can say that it was quite hungry time After all, all the children needed to be fed.
The third function of a man is a breadwinner. This is not getting food, namely necessary items. Skins, needles, household items were also dragged by a man. He could make them himself, exchange them or take them from defeated neighbor. It is important that the woman never brought something into the house. Or bought, but also with the money obtained by her husband.
Every house must have a master. Without male power difficult to manage. The cave or the hut had to be repaired, the most Better conditions for kids and loved ones. This was also done by the man. The owner created convenience with his hands, and the lady of the heart decorated this space, made it cozy.
The next function is husband. First of all, it has to do with execution. It is necessary to satisfy the wife, to show his strength through the act of love. Sometimes listen, regret. Exactly harmonious relationship with a woman they allow to talk about the correctness of the performance of this skill.
Then the man became a father. By his example, he showed his sons how to become a breadwinner, breadwinner and protector. And he loved and protected the girls. Ability to get along with children, spending time together, common interests could show whether he copes with this function.
And if all other skills have already been learned, and success in all, only then could a man help also elderly parents. He was also a son. But this is only in those cases when his family has enough of everything.
Modern functions of a woman
A woman has had her own duties since ancient times. But today everything is lost. All of a sudden beautiful half decided to take men's work to myself. And they didn't need strong men, the weak and frail, who are capable of female labor, turned out to be in demand. But it didn't bring happiness.
To be happy, you need to give up men's affairs. Of course, it is difficult to do it in one day, but it is worth trying. And then the balance will be restored. You don't need to defend yourself. Imagine an 18th century young lady cursing a man who cut her off on the road. It's just ridiculous and unseen! Is a woman (with capital letter) can afford such behavior?
Of course, there are situations when you are offended. But you don't have to decide on your own. Call your man right now. By this you will show that you consider him a protector, you expect support from him. Perhaps for him it will be a surprise, but over time it will become the norm. He will be forced to solve problems, and not sit on the couch.
Many women think that if they do not buy something from food, then there will be nothing to eat. At the same time, the husband earns little and comes home empty-handed. Do not buy products several times. Just spend your money on yourself. Show the man that the refrigerator is empty, that there will be no dinner. His activity will immediately increase, he will start looking for something to eat. And that means and.
Buying things should also be on a man. Of course, joint acquisitions are also possible, but show him that you expect these things from him. But only not with reproaches, but by fulfilling their primordially feminine duties.
To raise a father in a man, leave children with him. And not under his close control, but alone. There is no other way to give them the opportunity to educate each other.
Gradually grow a woman in yourself, fill yourself with feminine energy, and the man next to him will change. Give him responsibility for your life and the well-being of common children. Become feminine and beautiful, trust your companion, and everything will change.
Look closely at the photo of wolves. Two males in a hostile pose: one shows a grin, the other shows a readiness to resist any attack. Between them is a female. It seems that she hid, clinging to her male, but in fact this is not so. She knows that she is not in any danger - among wolves, the male will never attack the female. Her gaze aimed at a grinning male. And her posture is not accidental. Clinging to her male, she covers his throat.
In a woman's life often also invisibly protect their chosen one. In blood loving woman- loyalty. She will stand to the last, tear and throw, ready to destroy any threat to her children and yes, her man too. That's what real women do.
Great strength lies in a weak field. A rare woman will throw herself at the embrasure, perform feats for the sake of feats, but in relation to things valuable to her, a woman is unshakable and resolute in her readiness to fight to the end. It is important for every man to understand that the power of a woman, who, like any power, can be directed towards creation, can also be directed towards destruction. Sometimes you can hear examples from life - successful people, behind whose backs their faithful companions were invariably present. Some prominent men did not hide their feelings and recognized the significant role of women in their achievements. In life, you can also find reverse examples - a man who was in a state of decline with one woman, on the other, flourishes and succeeds. Coincidence?
It has long been known that a woman has an emotional and sensual attunement that fills men who perceive the world in a more rational way.
The emotions experienced by a woman, the vibrations of her thoughts, even the very energy of a woman can also influence a man.
Each person has his own energy - these are the vibrations of his thoughts, emotions, feelings. With some people it is easy and pleasant to be around, after communicating with others, there is a mental breakdown. But if, when meeting or meeting, we can easily stop communicating, then it is not so easy to stop communication with a loving person. Often people don't even know what it is. loving person causes them mental discomfort.
Men are especially susceptible to such vibrations, as they are more focused on external world and when they come home to a woman, they are usually in a state where they need to relax and recuperate. In a state when a person is relaxed and calm, he is more susceptible to external influences.
As a rule, men are not inclined to analyze the quality of thoughts and emotions of their companion, to evaluate her energy. While this is an important component that can affect their lives as well.
If a woman gives a man a positive, high-quality, bright and strong nourishment, success is guaranteed to him. A woman can do this both consciously, knowing about her ability to influence a man, and subconsciously, simply loving him and wishing him all the best. Not every woman understands the basics of mental communication well enough, many things happen on an intuitive level.
But if a woman gives low-quality, destructive emotions to a man, this does not feed him, but, on the contrary, destroys him. Such a woman can also love her chosen one, but above all, she loves herself. Often such women demand something from their chosen one, and when they don’t get it, they begin to humiliate him, reproach him for this. Or, for example, a woman wants to remake her man, reproaching him with certain qualities that, in her opinion, do not correspond to a certain ideal. It is important to understand that anyone can express their opinion, especially if this opinion is fair, even if it is expressed in a rude form. But when a woman constantly criticizes, humiliates psychologically, does not give spiritual nourishment to a man, this indicates that a woman loves only herself and treats her man from a consumer point of view - moreover, a woman compensates for her complexes and insults at the expense of a man.
Speaking about the role of a woman in a man's life, one cannot fail to say that a woman, in addition to the role of a life partner for a man, is the mother of his children. What kind of children will be depends largely on the mother, because it is the mother who gives the children the main thing - with her love she teaches to love, with her care she teaches to take care.
It is the disadvantage maternal love many people try to make up for the rest of their lives. That's why good mother for children, these are happy children in the future. Needless to say, a woman who loves only herself is not able to give others, even her own children, enough attention, love and care. If a man wants to create a family with a woman, he should understand how a particular woman will cope with this role in order to avoid disappointment in the future.
The main roles of a woman in a man's life are the role of a companion and mother of his children. It is important that these roles are realized by a woman to the same extent as by a man. Of course, a woman can be developed professionally, a couple may not have children for some reason, but the potential of a woman, manifested in these two roles, is the same - it is love, care, understanding. Despite the fact that a woman can think constructively and even guide a man professionally, pointing out his mistakes, she can give him enough love and understanding, so as not to infringe on him and giving strength to move on.
A woman is called to inspire and the way she copes with her calling says more about her than anything else.