A man's desire to dominate a relationship. Dominate - what is it? How is it to dominate? How not to fall under the "female heel"

In any human relations someone constantly dominates over someone. The constant dominance of one person over another is more common. For example, in a parent-child relationship or boyfriend-girlfriend, or a man and a woman. There is always someone who sets the “rules of the game” and someone who observes them. It is normal for a man to be the leader or dominant in a relationship between a man and a woman. Every man wants to dominate the family, but not everyone can be the leader. After all, it's not at all easy to be a dominant man, as it seems to many guys at first glance. Who is able to be the head and leader in a relationship with a woman? Obviously, the alpha male: psychology calls him the dominant in the relationship.

What kind of fruit is this: an alpha male?

Alpha male - who is he?

First of all, it is the undisputed leader. And it doesn't matter where: at work, in a company or family. Most often, such a man is the leader everywhere. For him, this is normal, natural and natural. Most, especially young guys, only copy this behavior, while not being a natural leader. The quality of a leader in a man strongly attracts girls and women.

An alpha male is strong in everything. But I mean not only physical strength. Male psychology right in the fact that a truly strong man controls himself, first of all, his emotions and knows how to remain calm and sober in almost any stressful situation... He will not be at a loss, he will find a way out even from a seemingly hopeless situation. His sober, critical thinking will not shut off at the moment of impending danger - physical or psychological. He skillfully takes control of the situation, not allowing circumstances to rule him.

An alpha man has a priori courage, but his courage is by no means akin to the recklessness of many guys trying to look like a strong leader. He will not get on the rampage, endangering himself and the woman.

Such a man is inherent deep feeling self-respect. He respects not only himself, but also his choice, he does not even consider his mistakes stupidity, but only a step to a new experience of self-confidence. Women sense such a leader from a mile away.

The alpha male is certainly competitive, but smart. He proves his superiority only in the area where he is confident in his strength, intelligence and dexterity.

The dominant man is capable of breaking existing rules when he is sure not only of his result and victory, but also that he will not harm other people. In general, he uses his power wisely and only where he sees a clear need for its use.

A dominant man is endowed with power, charisma and intelligence, so he most naturally knows how to inspire others and lead. This is the kind of man women seek to find.

He is aware - i.e. realizes where he is going, why and what he will get as a result. It is on these qualities that the trust of other people and women in particular is based on him. But what about male dominance in relationships?

Domination in a relationship

Yes, in the relationship between a man and a woman, everything does not go as smoothly and ideally as in the description of a man as an alpha male. Firstly, where to recruit such men for all women who wish, secondly, does each of us women agree to be led, and thirdly, does a real leader always dominate in the family?

The answer to the first part of the question is disappointing, the second part should be determined by each woman herself, but we will try to figure it out together with the third part.

As a rule, the dominant in the relationship is the one who is higher in status. Social status. He often leads everywhere: both at work and in relationships. There are exceptions, though. At work - a leader, at home - a follower.

As practice shows, power in the family belongs to the one who is more confident in himself. And that's okay. After all, a relationship, a family is a considerable piece of responsibility and who, if not a self-confident person, is ready to take it?

As a rule, this is a man. Why? Let's watch.

For most women, the meaning of life is love. For a man, everything is different. The meaning of his life lies not only in love and relationships, it is professional victories, and creativity, and sports. Those. a man has a certain "immunity" against dependence on relationships. Even after losing a relationship, a man still has many other sources of joy. And this is a kind of factor in the freedom of a man in a relationship, therefore, a priori, he is at the helm. It turns out that the one who is more self-sufficient dominates.

It is difficult to argue with the fact that in the relationship between a man and a woman, the one who is less dependent on them always dominates. This means that he invests less of his resources in them: strength, time, money and feelings. That is why relationships between a man and a woman are valued in different ways. We do not appreciate what comes easily, but we hold on strongly to what we won back with such difficulty! And the paradox is that, winning back a partner, he becomes more important to you than you yourself. It turns out that you initially recognize his (her) power over yourself. Therefore, the overly shown concern of one of the partners, as a rule, a woman about a man, is more annoying, devaluing her status in the relationship. Let me emphasize: too much!

Why else do we observe male dominance much more often in relationships than female dominance?

Yes, because the one who rules in the relationship is the one who relies more on reason than on emotions and feelings. And this is, as a rule, a man. Therefore, dear women, think about it before using your emotions, tantrums and ultimatums. After all, these manipulations come from your powerlessness and harm both you and the relationship.

The dominant man, according to psychology, has a certain set of characteristics that allow him to maintain his leading position in relationships and family. The dominant man has a habit of always evaluating what he sees. This is also the behavior of the management at work, parents, some acquaintances and friends. The same happens in relationships - one evaluates, the other tries to match his taste and wishes, trying to "win out" praise or compliment.

The one who values ​​himself and his desires above the partner, who can be the first to break the relationship, tries to dominate the relationship. And this is a man again. It is he who manages the relationship, considering himself smarter, stronger and more significant. But this is ideal, but in practice this is not always the case.

Often in a relationship, a woman simply gets used to giving in, to compromise, trying to avoid quarrels, scandals and breaking up relations. However, she can be smarter and better than men... And this is not always an insecure woman. Often become addicted worthy women... But not yet knowing, not disclosing themselves and their advantages. This is what we women should really do first!

A man's desire to dominate a relationship dictates its own rules of conduct in a relationship with a woman. A man often manipulates a woman, trying to increase his importance by ostentatious indifference to her.

For example, he does not call, forcing the girl stuck on him to call him first. She does not show activity on her part in terms of further dates, she may disappear for a while from her field of vision. He forces the girl to take the initiative all the time in order to be able to control her, making her dependent on himself. And at first glance it will seem that he is the winner. But in practice this is not the case.

This happens when the guy does not love, but only uses the woman to increase his importance. And often in order not to lose the reins of control over her. But this is a loss for him anyway. In the first, it is the cultivation of addiction, from which it is almost impossible to get rid of, with all that it implies: scandals, accusations, intimidation of suicide and other emotional "charm" on the part of the girl. In the second, there is a risk of losing it completely. In any case, this is a loss for a man: after all, love cannot be achieved by such methods, you can open a trap love addiction from myself and only, having only temporarily received a sense of superiority over a woman. But how long are you yourself ready for such a "surrogate" instead of love?

Male dominance - what should it be?

In the relationship between a man and a woman, there is no doubt that the man should be the head. And not because someone wants it so much, no! Because it is a man's nature to be a leader, protector and winner. Even in the fact that a man tries to always be right there is common sense... He sometimes uncompromisingly defends his position (sometimes even incorrect) out of his inherent male desire to stand firmly on his feet, to become even more self-confident. At the same time, it is very important for him to receive confirmation of his innocence from his beloved woman. And how can an insecure person be the protector of others?

Therefore, we women should not judge and fear male domination. We should support a man in his desire to lead and be truly strong, smart and skillful.

Although any power often has a price and sometimes it is too high, so not everyone is ready to pay it. The ability to manage, lead, dominate relationships for those who are not yet a real dominant puts a considerable price - the heart of such a man, as a rule, remains closed to many manifestations of love. After all, he practically lives only with his head. But such is the price of "unripe" domination.

And how can you avoid this?

It's simple: if there is love, trust, sincerity and openness in a relationship, the dominance of a man will be natural and harmonious. Then a man and a woman appear as two different parts of the ONE, complementing, nourishing and strengthening each other, like cells of a single organism. But if there is no love, I am afraid that the advice will be powerless.

In fact, everyone rules the world. The baby, born, drives the mother, the obstacle on the road “drives” the car, the puppy drives the owner. Everyone rules everyone. And dominating a relationship is not at all bad, it’s bad not to be able to do it.

Men are naturally given the right to dominate, it has been the custom since ancient times, tribes have always been ruled by representatives of the stronger sex. This right can either be lost or voluntarily given to a woman.

But if you want to manage relationships, you definitely have to dominate, be in charge. And this is what it means:

1) The dominant person is the one who values ​​himself higher in these relationships, who is ready to break them. If you can get up and leave, you can feel it. You clearly defend your position, you value yourself higher in relationships. Accordingly, the other person values ​​himself lower. And in general, he assesses the relationship with you as more significant for him. Therefore, he experiences the strongest fear of losing you.

2) The dominant person is the one who is less emotionally involved in the relationship.

3) The one who is more self-sufficient person dominates. This means that in addition to these relationships, there is still a lot of interesting things in your life. And if they stop, the world will not stop for you, you will not get depressed and you will not sob into your pillow at night, call and write insane text messages that lead to nothing, annoy and cause pity. Such things are usually done by the man who did not manage the relationship and was emotionally involved in them when parting. It is worth noting that such methods never work for women. Or, rather, they produce the opposite effect: you want to get rid of the annoying whiner as quickly as possible. If your life is full and full of various interesting, funny, positive, full-fledged things, you have a lot of different hobbies, you travel, meet friends, are constantly busy with something, then when the relationship ends, you do not get upset too much. Of course, you will be a little upset, sad, because it is always sad when something good ends, but you will not have a feeling of hopelessness and the end of the world.

4) In relationships, the one who invests more strongly in them is more dependent. This means money, attention, emotions, gifts. If you do more for your partner than he does for you, you can no longer apply for a position of dominance.

5) Who judges, he dominates. Who has always rated us first? Parents. They were more dominant in relation to us, this is natural. And the same principle is always preserved in everything. And in personal life and at work too. The bosses evaluate you, they also dominate. Accordingly, if you want to dominate, be the one who evaluates. There are good and bad grades. Either good - and you praise, or very bad - and you criticize. Which is better? Praise "you are my sweetheart, smart girl, did well"? Or, on the contrary, grumble “do you need to learn a little? And the point is that you cannot choose one thing, or only good, or only bad. Unfortunately, and perhaps fortunately, the most effective tool to evaluate another person from the position of a dominant, it is to praise and criticize in approximately the same ratio. What is called to act by the "carrot and stick" method.

6) Social status, position in society. It just so happened that the one who is on a higher social level dominates those who are below. Usually this is established initially: someone is more experienced, someone has more life wisdom, someone is more beautiful and successful, someone just made a lot of money. But everything here is determined not only by money, but also by natural data, some kind of life experience.

Summary: who invests in relationships more various resources, he becomes more dependent on these relationships. Accordingly, he has less leverage to control and dominate.

There are two types of dominance:

1) Dominance is not environmentally friendly. You bring the girl's level down. You criticize her, find weaknesses, underestimate her self-esteem, develop complexes. The method is not environmentally friendly, but nevertheless very effective. But he only works with non-self-sufficient people. If the girl is sufficiently pumped in all areas and she has few weak points, this method will not work, she will simply send you to hell with your criticism. Dominate in in this case will fail. This is possible only with individuals who really have gaps in some areas. Let's say she is a foreigner and does not express her speech well in Russian. What is not a reason for criticism? Or she has small breasts and she herself is worried about it.

2) Joint growth in relationships. You have high self-esteem, you raise it even higher and at the same time increase your partner's self-esteem .. You develop together, you emphasize it strengths, you give her a positive charge, she blooms next to you. This can be both verbalized and done on an unconscious level, women are well aware of this.

What is the most effective way from the point of view of dominance? Both. This is the perfect format. Try to capture both the negative and the positive. Again, the notorious "carrot and stick" in this situation is most appropriate.

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It is very likely that your man is no exception and also craves women's initiative... This at least expands your horizons in the bedroom and gives more ideas about what to do there. If you're ready to learn, here are four tips for mastering the basic skills of dominating a man in bed.

1. In dominance, physical and psychological aspects are important.

The first thing that comes to mind when thinking about domination in bed is ropes, handcuffs, whips. It's funny, of course, but not always necessary, and even more the more extreme side of domination.

There are more subtle and more powerful ways show dominance. Ranging from the simple "I really love it when you do this to me ..." to a more convincing tone and words like "Now I will decide when you finish."

But this is only the verbal aspect of dominance. Not without, of course, the physical. You can start with a light spanking, or insist solely on a cowgirl position, or more aggressively, a cowgirl on his face for oral sex.

2. Start with a dominant sex position.

This is the most easy way show your dominance in bed - with the help of new positions in sex. Instead of the traditional missionary and doggie style, with a man on top or in control, try changing positions to ones in which you are on top. This, again, is a rider, or when a man sits on a bed or a chair, and you are on him - in this position it is especially difficult for him to do anything else and he is completely under your control.

3. Start to command.

The most a big problem while dominating a man - this is the risk that he will feel as if he is being deprived of something masculine. He may not like it and will try to regain his dominance. To prevent this, you just need to do everything slowly and gradually build up the degree of your dominant behavior.

Just say what you want first, in the form of a request, then in the form of a proposal, and then in the form of orders. For example, first “Could you take out the trash?”, Then “I would like for me to finish first, and then you, okay?”, And then “I want to spend the weekend with you, don't make any plans, okay? " or "I want you to never wear that awful T-shirt again," or "From now on, you have to ask me for permission to cum when we have sex." If he doesn't react well to such words, it is better to back off a little and try later.

4. Games of domination.

The above phrases are really a little harsh, and if you just want to have a little fun and dominate only the bedroom, try the following games.

Not a sound: During sex, tell him you want to play a game. Tell him that you will make him want to moan with pleasure, but that he should not make a sound. Highly simple game, but perfect way introduce him to the idea of ​​your dominance.

Link it: physical restrictions for a man are very exciting. Just tie his hands on his head and do what you see fit.

Most importantly, remember that all your ideas and experiments are best discussed with a man first;)

In any relationship, be it a relationship between a man and a woman, between friends or between parents, there is one who dominates (is the leader) and there is one who is dominated (the follower).

The first rule of dominance: the one who values ​​himself above the partner tries to dominate and can be the first to break off the relationship.

They say that “I watched, communicated and will do it, because I need it to feel a fulfilling life normal guy, physically I don’t change - and say thank you for that ”.

In a relationship, the partner who considers himself more significant, the one who values ​​himself more and feels superior to his partner, manages. The most important thing is that he is not the best, but he considers himself to be the best. The fact is that a person who considers himself more significant is always ready to break off relations, break them for the sake of his interests and easily build new ones if he needs it. Such a person is more selfish than his partner.

The follower always puts the relationship above his interests, and his importance will always be lower. And there is a very important point, an unconscious mechanism that clings, "after all, a partner can leave me and find a better one." Because of this, the person who can leave first and end the relationship easily is always more valuable.

The dominant one easily goes into conflict and always puts his decisions above the decisions of his partner. The follower, on the contrary, more often goes to reconciliation, because he always has a fear of loss. And men who always make concessions, are afraid of conflicts and do not limit the woman's desires, do not put them in their place, automatically give her full power to manage their relationship. This relationship is dominated by a woman. But a woman does not need power, she does not want it even when she is fighting for it. And having received a rebuff, she calms down, checking the man for strength. But if she gets power, she doesn't know what to do with it.

A serious mistake is made by men who, when a woman shakes her rights or manipulates her departure, ask her to decide whether she wants to be with him or not. By doing this, they give her the right to control the relationship, dominate, and thereby lose the relationship, because they automatically lose the last remnants of their value for a woman. And if they also begin to ask back or beat them for pity, they also lose respect. After that, they cause disgust and pity in the woman, but not love. It is better to make the decision yourself - to quit first or solve the situation in a different way, take pressure and insist on your own.

The second rule of dominance: the one who is less emotionally involved in the relationship will dominate. In the relationship between a man and a woman, the one who loves less rules.

From this we can take away that the one who is constantly jealous, offended, throws tantrums, sobs - is always in the role of a follower. He will never dominate. And the second conclusion from this - a woman is always more emotional and acts mainly under the influence of emotions. A man, on the other hand, is always more restrained and more rational, which means that dominance is more suitable for a man and he should dominate.

The third rule of dominance: in a relationship, the person who is more self-sufficient always dominates.

Self-sufficient is one who is independent of relationships, because for him they are only a part of life and there are also other equal sources for receiving emotions. Therefore, even if a person loses a relationship, they will find a bunch of other sources of joy that will help them cope with the loss of a relationship.

Self-sufficient people are more free than those for whom relationships are a very significant part. Because for the latter, they are practically the only source of emotions and without them life becomes meaningless. These people move from one addiction to another, while suffering greatly.

The fourth rule of domination: the more dependent in a relationship is the one who invests more in these relationships.

It always works only because the person who invests more in the relationship becomes the person who is more important and needed. After all, he put a lot of effort into them, and we always appreciate what is difficult for us, and practically do not value what we got for nothing, which means that the partner in whom they invest automatically begins to value the efforts of their partner less, because that he himself has not invested anything, and becomes more significant and dominant. If a person does a lot for a relationship, stepping over himself, over his desires, then he thereby lowers his significance, but greatly increases the significance of the relationship for himself.

You can invest not only attention, care or money. It is enough to think about a person and he will automatically become more important. The more you think about a person, the more important he becomes and the more there is a desire to possess him. If you think about him constantly, then after a while, he becomes the most important thing in life.

Therefore, impetuous gift-giving or excessive attention, when a person begins to notice that a partner has begun to cool down, practically does not work. This oversaturated the person receiving and diminishes the value of the person who makes the gifts.

There are women who seem to want to live next to a strong man, but completely suppress his attempts to show their masculinity. Those. word and deed are at odds with them. And there are men who feel the expectations of society "Come on! Take responsibility! Take the decision into your own hands", but in reality they themselves do not need it. They are better off giving up dominance to their friend in a relationship. This is more familiar, which means it is calmer. But at the same time, dissatisfaction in the relationship remains within the couple. She wants the masculine, he wants the feminine. There are expectations from a partner, they are not satisfied, then a decision comes to change a partner ... to the same one. And the next turn in the spiral began.

The first rule of domination: dominates the one who values ​​himself above and can be the first to break off the relationship.

In the system of relations, the partner who is the most significant always manages. The one who psychologically values ​​himself more feels himself superior to his partner. Pay attention, it is not better, but it considers itself better, appreciates itself more. This is the main idea. The fact is that a person who values ​​himself more is always ready to break the system of relations, break it down for the sake of his interests and build another, if necessary. Such a person is always more selfish. The driven partner, on the contrary, always values ​​the relationship above his interests. His personal significance will always be lower. There is very interesting moment, because the unconscious mechanism clings, if a partner can leave first, then he can always find better than me. That is, a person who is ready to be the first to break off a relationship is always psychologically more valuable than his partner. Likewise, the dominant one always values ​​his decisions above the decisions of his partner, and is more ready to go into conflict, since he is more ready to break up, while the dependent partner seeks more reconciliation, because he is more afraid of losing. Men who constantly make concessions, are afraid to conflict and do not allow themselves to limit a woman's desires, put her in her place, automatically give her the power to manage relationships. In such a relationship, a woman dominates. But a woman does not need power in a relationship. She does not want her in the depths of her soul, even when she is fighting for her. Having received a rebuff, she will calm down, checking her man for strength. But having received power, she will not know what to do with it.

Therefore, a serious mistake is made by guys who, when their woman begins to pump rights, manipulate her departure, ask her to decide whether she wants to be with them or not. Thus, they give her all the control in the relationship, give her the opportunity to dominate and thereby lose the relationship, because they lose the remnants of their value for a woman. If they begin to ask back, to beat for pity, then they also lose the remnants of respect. After that, they cause only pity and disgust, but not love. The dominant behavior will be to decide to quit first, or decide for two, insist on your own and take the pressure.

"- If you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee.
"If I were your husband, I would drink it."

From the experience of the therapist:

People who, as a result of childhood traumas or other negative past experiences, are afraid of loneliness, are afraid of being abandoned, have low self-esteem, suffer from an inferiority complex, as a rule, never dominate in relationships and become very dependent on these relationships, because it is very difficult for them go to a break and they are ready to cling to the relationship to the last. These people are very easy to manipulate and use. These are cases when a woman can be beaten, jealous for no reason, but she will still remain in a relationship.

Move on. Who can break a relationship easier? A person who is emotionally more involved in a relationship, or one who is less involved? Of course, the one that is less, because he does not care more, he gets less from relationships, they are less valuable to him.

"Came late.

With lipstick. "

The second rule of dominance: the one who is less emotionally involved in the relationship dominates. V relationship m-f, always the one who loves less manages.

A consequence can be deduced from this rule: a person who is jealous, throws tantrums, shows resentment, sobs, etc., is always in the role of a follower. He is not dominant.

And the second conclusion, which suggests itself: a woman is more emotional, acts more often under the influence of emotions, and a man, on the contrary, is more restrained, more rational, which means that the role of a dominant is more suitable for a man, a man should dominate. But in modern society it is not always so. This will be covered in the second part of this article.

The third rule of dominance: a relationship is always dominated by a person who is more self-sufficient.

This is because, being self-sufficient, it is always easier for a person to break off a relationship. Although, to begin with, I should probably explain what I mean when I talk about being self-sufficient in the context of our topic. To be self-sufficient means to be independent of relationships, as a result of the fact that relationships are only a small part of life and for a person there are still other equal sources of receiving emotions. Therefore, even after losing a relationship, a person still has a bunch of other sources of joy in his life, which makes it relatively easy for him to get over the loss of a relationship.

Self-sufficient individuals are always more free than people for whom relationships are a very significant part, if not the very purpose of life. Because for the latter, as well as for drug addicts, relationships are the main and almost the only source of emotions, and without this source, his life becomes no sense, meaningless. Such people move from one addiction to another, suffering greatly in the intervals between them.

"- Darling, can you imagine, I began to study! And now I walk 3 miles a day.
"Great, so in a week you will be 21 miles from here."

The fourth rule of dominance: usually in a relationship, the one who of the two invests more in the relationship is dependent.

Conversely, the one who invests less always dominates. This works because the person who begins to invest more in the relationship, by default, becomes the person who needs it more, for whom the relationship is more important. After all, he invested so much in them. And we always value what we get hard and never value what we got for free. And this means that the partner in whom we invest automatically appreciates our efforts less, because he himself did not invest anything, becomes dominant, more significant. If a person does something for the relationship, also stepping over himself and his desires, thereby he lowers his significance, but at the same time greatly increases the significance of the relationship for himself.

You can invest not only money, attention or care. It's enough to think about the person and he will become more important in your head. The more you think about him, give him your attention, the more important he becomes, the more you charge your desire to possess him. If you think constantly, then after a while it will become the most important in your life.

Rule five: the person who dominates is always in the role of the evaluator.

When you evaluate someone, you are always psychologically superior. Because who can evaluate? Mom, dad, boss at work, etc. People who are taller than you. And the one who is being assessed usually tries to correspond to this assessment, tries to please. He automatically becomes dependent on her. Note that this works with both plus and minus signs. And when you praise a person and when you criticize, in both cases it elevates you above him. Of course, your partner is pleased when you use techniques with a plus sign. And some make the mistake of using a lot of negative criticism. If you do this very often, you can push your partner away. It is most effective to use both techniques alternately, the first, then the second, because it allows you to create an amplitude of emotions and get a person hooked on it.

"And don't tell me you didn't drink milk straight out of the bag. Your teeth are here!"

The sixth rule of domination: a person who has a higher status in society, who is older, has more money etc., it is usually easier to dominate.

Such a person is dominant, as it were by default. It works because all of us have been taught from childhood that elders are smarter, stronger, etc., that bosses, managers, owners, celebrities, people with good looks, and so on. are more important than us. So it works in the first step. If a person can keep it (and usually such people are accustomed to value themselves higher, they know how to dominate), then he will continue to dominate, if he cannot, if his self-esteem is low, then life will put everything in its place sooner or later.

The most important thing to understand is that, in a relationship, the dominant person is always the person whose importance is higher, who is less emotionally involved. Moreover, power itself imposes responsibilities, and a person always pays for the right to rule by receiving fewer emotions. In a relationship, a man is a woman, this is a person who loves less. I wrote a little about this in the article "The Mechanism of Love", but it is much better described by M. Weller in the story "Heartbreaker". The dominant person is always the one who is closer to the polarity "I have", and the subordinate is closer to the polarity "I want". This is because the one who wants more is always emotionally less stable and more dependent on the relationship.

It is also important to understand that for this system to work, you need one partner to value himself more, and the other less than himself, but more of a partner and relationship. If both are selfish enough, self-sufficient and value themselves and their desires above the relationship and above their partner, then such a relationship will simply fall apart or not start. For a relationship to exist, one of the two needs to lose self-sufficiency and emotional stability (fall in love), and the other takes on the role of a person who allows himself to be loved.

There are two ways to dominate: by rising above your partner or by lowering your partner below you. It works both ways. Both methods have their advantages and disadvantages. Let's consider both. I personally prefer the first one, because I think this method is more environmentally friendly, because in order to use the second one, you need to hit weak points partner, lowering his self-esteem. The first method can even increase the self-esteem of a partner, by the fact that he is next to such cool person how are you. In doing so, you are even higher. Metaphorically, this is "The girl feels like a lady, because there is a real knight nearby."

To apply it, you need to have high self-esteem (above your partner) and generally be quite significant, standing man through life. This is if you want to get a significant partner in this way. Because in order to dominate him and not lower his self-esteem at the same time, you need to be better, higher, stronger, etc. Of course, if the partner himself is not very, or very, but his self-esteem is low, then you do not need to strain too hard to dominate such a person.

The first way is for natural leaders, strong personalities, for people who have high self-esteem, inner confidence.

The second method involves your ability to lower your partner lower. Usually this method is used by many pickup trucks and it is also taught in many pickup schools. Simply building self-esteem is usually long way and a lot of work on yourself. Therefore, it is much faster and easier to teach children to lower it to others. In addition, if a guy who is already offended by women comes to the pickup training, then he starts to do it pretty well, since there are all the conditions for this))).

This method usually works on people who are easily hooked on their complexes. Simply put, in people whose self-esteem is already suffering. Usually these guys fail to hook a person with high self-esteem, because, being afraid of women themselves, they do it quite rudely. A person with complexes can be hooked on this, but a person who loves and respects himself will simply send, and what is even faster, he will walk through the complexes of an inept manipulator himself.

"Very funny..."

To hook a self-sufficient person and gradually reduce his importance, destroying self-sufficiency, hooking on himself, it is possible, but you need to be able to. Alex-Odessa wrote about this in the article "Love is Poison". This is already an art that requires good experience... Having your own serious complexes and being afraid of women, this is very difficult to do, almost unrealistic.

In general, it is worth using both methods. This is much more efficient than using just one. This allows you to create emotional amplitude, does not allow your partner to get used to and get tired of one of them. After all, you can feel really good when you are praised, before that you dunked your face in a piece of shit.

On this stage it becomes clear that self-esteem is very important for dominance. This is something that is constantly with you and always manifests itself in all your behavior, even if you try to hide it. In what you say, in your facial expressions, voice, posture, in every gesture. People meet, then very little time passes and it already becomes clear who dominates, because the non-verbal always reflects your inner world, and the unconscious catches it very well. Especially the unconscious of women. Most women prefer to be dominated by a man, and they are also the best detector that is difficult to fool. And no matter what you are building out of yourself, if you have low self-esteem most women see it. Yes, and most men do too. There are, of course, people who are fixated on their complexes, whose self-esteem is even lower ... It will be easier to communicate with such people. They are ready to put up with even a guy who builds something out of himself, and eat it because their self-esteem is the same, or even lower, or because they outwardly liked him a lot and for this they lifted his significance out of the blue (this is usually not for a long time). The rest can see what is what and their attitude is appropriate.

By the way, I want to say that physical strength also allows you to dominate. No wonder women prefer strong men and sometimes they like to be treated rudely, to show strength. This makes them feel like real women. But physical strength, without an inner state, gives almost nothing. A person can be very well built, but still completely under the woman's heel. Yes, and I often had to see how a guy with a higher self-esteem and ingenuity easily dominated the jock in ordinary communication, which attracted the attention of women. But physical strength, supported by an internal state, gives a good plus. Therefore, more important is still internal state, internal attitude towards oneself, self-esteem.

When men come to me with relationship problems, as a rule, the first thing to do is work with self-esteem, complexes or fear of losing. And only then a working model of behavior is built in. This is because self-sufficiency and self-love is the foundation, the base. If it is, then the behavior itself will be adequate. If this is not the case, then no tricks will help.

"I wish my husband was really hot ..."

Problems associated with the distribution of roles in relationships between men and women.

Today Ostap suffered, so I will write even more and go a little beyond the scope of the topic that I was going to reveal at the beginning.

It is laid down by nature so that in a relationship, a man should dominate. I will not describe here why I decided so. Much has been written about this without me. Therefore, you have to accept this as a fact. Any woman wants a man to be the main thing in a relationship. But it just so happens that in modern society there are imbalances in both men and women. Have feminine men there is a lot of femininity, masculinity is squeezed, and courageous women have a lot of masculinity. Men do not know how to dominate, and women do not know how or do not want to live in the role of a follower, or worse than that, are afraid to give control to a man, do not trust. The reason for this is education. This is passed down from generation to generation, children learn from their parents.

It is believed that the reason for this was the Second World War, after which there were few men and many women had to take on male role... And then there was a generation of men and women raised by women who were accustomed to the dominant role of women in the family (the mother was in charge). They simply did not see another model.

This is the reason or something else is not so important. What matters is that these imbalances make both men and women unhappy. Women suffer because they lack " strong shoulder»And strains to manage relationships, I want to feel like a woman. Hence the complaints that there are no real men. And men are unhappy because they do not feel like men, that they do not realize their main purpose - to win, capture, explore, develop, achieve, dominate. They are used to obeying, they do not know how to be men, despite the fact that they need it deep down.

At the same time, a person who is skewed, as a rule, can build relationships with a partner who is also skewed. Let me explain why. If a normal, dominant man meets a courageous woman who also strives to dominate, then they will begin a struggle for power. And then there are two options:

1. One of the partners breaks the will of the other (if a woman, then it turns into normal relationship, if a man, then both will already be skewed),

2. They run away because they cannot get along together.

I can also say that not every normal dominant man wants to break someone's will, fight and endure a man in a skirt. This is because such women are somewhat similar to men and are less attractive. It's easier for him to find an initially feminine woman. Which usually happens. And women are not particularly eager to change something. It is much easier and faster to go where you are not bothered than to start changing yourself.

I used to write about the movie Gone By The Wave. It shows a woman's bias (played by Madonna) and how this bias is broken when she gets on uninhabited island with dominant man... She has nowhere else to go but to accept his dominance and this changes her a lot. I highly recommend watching this movie.

In the discussion, many wrote that it was good for this man, he had an island to re-educate her, and in real life everything is much more complicated. I agree. In real life, a woman will simply leave, and continue to build relationships, as she is used to, not understanding why she is so unhappy. Not many people manage to look at themselves from the outside, realize their problem, and then change.

Another problem occurs if a normal feminine woman and a man with a bias in feminine side... Usually, for such a woman, this man is simply not attractive. None of them want to be a leader. That kind of relationship doesn't even start.

Therefore, people have to form a relationship where both partners are skewed. Unconsciously, they find such partners for themselves. The rest are filtered out automatically.

And everything seems to be fine, the woman is in control, the man is subordinate. The system should work. But somehow it works crookedly, both are unhappy. Men start to get drunk, women nag them. This is because everyone, as it were, unconsciously expects the other to fulfill his natural role. A man wants to feel like a man, be the head of the family and have an obedient wife. And a woman wants to take off her duties and feel a real man, care and attention next to her. Therefore, it saws. But the problem is that none of them is ready to take on this role, because upbringing, because behavioral models were laid down from childhood and the roles have long been spelled out and distributed, and the system is well established. And they simply do not know how to do it in another way. So it turns out that both men and women constantly accuse each other of being unhappy, but do not want to notice the reason in themselves.