As a man hints at marriage. He's not ready. Relationships must develop
Want to get married! Sooner or later, this thought comes to every girl. Moreover, it turns into a problem if she is well over twenty, and all her friends have been married for a long time and with children. But what if your boyfriend does not call you to the registry office?
After reading the tips on Google, I once decided to hint to my boyfriend that it was time to legalize the relationship. The first tip, described on most sites, did not help me. I gasped near every shop window with wedding dresses, in each restaurant I asked how many seats could fit them banqueting hall, and did other nonsense. But my young man, instead of asking if I wanted to marry him, only asked if everything was in order with my health. It's a pity, of course, but nothing, there are still many tips on the Internet.
The next day, I persuaded my loved one to watch the film that I had chosen. We turned on the "Oath", and looked to the sound of crispy chips. Here it is, romance! Following the advice on women's sites, after the film, I had to ask my man what he thinks about the couple, whether they will continue to live together and what plans for the future we have. I almost succeeded, but only my beloved fell asleep before the end credits began. In short, I decided that the advice on the sites did not work and began to read the forums, someone should definitely suggest something.
The leader of the forum on the topic "How to hint a guy about a wedding?" became a flight. The very thought of flying in scared me a little. I know that many girls were able to marry a man in this way, but then relations in the family rarely developed normally. In most cases, the marriage ended in divorce, alimony and an unhappy child.
I remember my boyfriend and I were talking about a mutual friend who had just gotten married with the help of unplanned pregnancy... My man then sincerely sympathized with the future dad. Unfortunately, girls do not understand what stress a man experiences when he gets married, but what he feels when he marries forcibly can hardly be described in words. Just think. From this moment on, the man is responsible not only for himself, but also for his wife and unborn child. It's good if financial situation allows you to live without need, and if not? The guy now has to provide three people at once. Each, of course, decides for herself. But maybe you shouldn't solve your problems, hiding behind an unborn child?
I really liked the advice of one of the girls who urged everyone who wants to get married to become good wives even before the wedding. That is, learn how to cook well, wash, clean, and so on along the list. Maybe this will help someone. But, if we have been living together for more than one year, and I, and so how does Cinderella do everything?
Probably, hinting to men about the wedding is useless. They need to say directly and head-on: “You live with me, eat and sleep. Do you want further, get married! If you don't want to, don't waste my time! " Rough, but they say it works. According to the girls' stories on the forums, there were, of course, men who really left, but others appeared who were not afraid of family life.
It is clear that not everyone can act so decisively. Here is my friend advised me to ask my man about plans for the future. Fortunately, I heard the word "we" several times and it gave me optimism, although there was no talk of marriage. Collecting my thoughts, I nevertheless asked if he was going to marry me. My man replied that he was going, but when he got on his feet and we had our own place to live. Oh, I feel a long time to wait for me. Well, nothing, I'm assertive.
Another story seemed amusing. The girl who lived with the guy was also tired of hinting at the wedding. The next morning, she simply did not cook breakfast for him, did not make coffee, as she had been doing for several years, and in the evening she did not meet the robot guy, did not pour dinner. The young man, knocked off his usual track, asked about the reasons for such changes, to which the girl replied: “It was a demo version of a caring wife. The license can be purchased only after registration legal marriage". Tomorrow he proposed to her. Most likely, the girl chose correct tactics when I decided to treat the problem with humor.
But most of all I was struck by the women who themselves proposed to the man after several years of waiting. As it turned out, there are quite a few of them. Think about it, maybe you, too, have the courage to invite a man to register a relationship? Personally, I probably do not, although I will not renounce.
In any case, each of us will choose the right tactics, say the cherished "yes" and put it on your finger wedding ring... If you want to get married, and your man is not going to marry, then maybe you should find another man? You do not want? Are you okay with that too? And do you love this? Well, then wait until your man finally matures and leads you down the aisle!
Men are very responsible about getting married, even if they say that the stamp in the passport means nothing to them.
They are well aware that after marriage, a lot will change in their lives. What can we say about women, for whom registration of a relationship is a confirmation that from now on she will be able to share the burden of responsibility and, finally, will feel protected. How to hint about a wedding if you can't wait for a proposal? Take your time, maybe your man still needs time.
Relationships must develop
The success of any business is in its completion. If you stand still for a very long time, not daring to move on, take on new obligations, the relationship is threatened with degeneration. It is necessary to overcome a new step, especially if both of you feel stagnant. Such a step can be a year from the moment of acquaintance or the first date. Earlier conversations It's pointless to start a wedding.
Speak frankly
If you feel that you want to start a family, you do not need to delay it too much, otherwise you will become a neurotic person, in whom any conversation rolls towards marriage. Don't harass yourself - start a concrete conversation about your desires. If you already have confidence in each other's feelings, there should be no obstacles to marriage.
Don't put pressure on your lover
Having described the situation once, do not expect immediate action from him. ... There are situations when a guy thinks about the wedding day with might and main, works from morning till night to save up for a banquet and travel, but the girl is neither sleepy nor in spirit. He worries that he is callous, does not want to propose to her. Trust your man, he will definitely resolve this issue, it just takes time.
Men don't take hints
All you can do with hints is to figure out his intentions for you and the future together.... The reason for such conversations can be the wedding of your friends or relatives, a romantic or not very film, an elderly couple in love, which obviously has existed for many years, but has kept reverent attitude. Do not be afraid to communicate with your loved one on these topics, after all, it is quite normal between loved ones to discuss the topic of marriage, family, children.
The highest measure
Can't wait any longer, having tried everything possible methods, use a prohibited technique - an ultimatum. If you get to this point, you can imagine what a desperate situation you are in. So you have nothing more to lose. All the better. If you are ready to break up with a man, start demanding. Thus, you will not force a person who does not want to associate his life with you, make an offer, but if he values you, it will finally reach him how important it is for you.
Every girl who has been in a relationship with a man for a long time wants to hear: "Will you marry me?" However, not all men are in a hurry to say these words and simply continue to meet with their chosen one. For girls, the issue of marriage is very important and sometimes they make a whole tragedy from not understanding why hasn't their lover still done them An offer of marriage.
Many ladies believe that their The biological clock ticking, and when you have been in a relationship for more than two, three or five years, then of course the thought of a wedding arises. And not only about the wedding itself, but about the family, children and joint housing.
So how do you nudge a man to propose to you, or how do you hint him that it's time to get married?
1) Talk to him about the future
Talking about the future is promising, because since you start them, it means that you can imagine how your life with this person will proceed, not to mention that you smoothly hint to him that you are ready for this, otherwise there was simply no such talk. It is important and pleasant for a man to hear your plans, especially if he also wants to devote his life to you. Therefore, after such conversations and memories of how much you have overcome together, a man can rethink everything that has been and will be and make you an offer.
2) Talking about the wedding of friends
3) Talking about children
A man ready for marriage wants a family filled with love and children. Therefore, a conspiracy about children will also not be superfluous, but you should approach it very carefully, since if your man is not ready for children, you can scare him with your desires. And if, on the contrary, he is ready and was afraid that you are not ready, then the topic will become pleasant for him and after it he will make a couple of conclusions for himself concerning your future.
Why doesn't the man propose?
1) Not ready for marriage.
2) He wants to get on his feet to be sure that he can feed his family. After all, it is so important for every man to be a breadwinner in the family.
3) He is afraid of changes in responsibility and everything connected with this. Some men are so used to what it is that they are simply afraid to step further and start a family. This is due to their inner excitement that he simply cannot cope with such a responsibility.
4) You are not the same girl. Yes, he may be fine with you, but he does not see in you the very one that he would like to marry.
5) Everything suits him. Your potential chosen one is already happy with everything and therefore he does not think about such a new stage as marriage.
Dear ladies, do not rush your chosen ones to get married. Would you really like to realize that the most an important event took place in your life only because you wanted it so much that you pressed and convinced your chosen one that it was actually necessary. The desire to marry should be mutual. Be patient and wait until your chosen one comes to such a decision. Perhaps while he is simply not ready or he has other reasons why he has not yet proposed to you.
"Where is our relationship going?" - many ask this question in the nth year or month of the novel. Often, it is the girls who are the first to think about their future together. But is it worth asking your partner about this directly? On the one hand, any girl has the right to know about her prospects, on the other hand, a sudden discussion on serious topic can stress relationships. The Village has learned how to properly talk about a shared future.
Tatiana Weiser
Lecturer in Philosophy and Ethics, Faculty of Philosophy and Sociology, RANEPA
In this matter, the very fact that doubt arises is indicative. The appropriateness of a given gesture depends on the context and social norms that define our consciousness. V in this case rather, it is about the traditional patriarchal model, in which it is assumed that the man takes an active position when making a proposal, and the woman takes a passive position of expectation. Therefore, when a man does not manifest himself in this capacity, a woman begins to worry and doubt whether she has the right to transcend the default social proportion of gender activities. In a more liberally developed society where gender roles are not fixed, it would be strange to doubt the right to such a hint or question: whoever is the first to be ripe for this step, he proposes to legitimize the relationship.
A conflict can arise if you think of yourself within the framework of the liberal model, that is, you are aware of your right to a discussion about this, and your friend believes that only he, as a man, can decide whether to marry you or not. In this case, the man may perceive your gesture as an attempt to change gender roles. But if you both assume equal rights and freedoms for each other, then there is nothing in the hint of marriage that would not lend itself to discussion. For example, a young man can honestly say that he is not mentally ready or he has some motivation not to do this yet, and your union will not suffer.
In this hint, he may hear the potential pressure of social norms, but if a man loves, appreciates, respects and at the same time does not want to marry, he will not perceive the hint of a wedding as a threat to your union. In this case, he will simply reject your proposal, arguing his position, or offer a compromise, for example civil marriage... But if in this hint a young man hears a threat to your relationship, it means that he is not ready to reckon with you as an equal partner.
Lyudmila Polyanova
candidate of sociological sciences, psychoanalyst, director psychological center"Personality"
Hints can always be made, but each situation must be considered individually. If you are meeting a young man for the second time in your life, then, of course, you should not scare him off with excessive assertiveness. But even after long-term communication, pretending that this does not bother you at all, you will devalue yourself and your relationship. There are such useful numbers: if, within nine months from the beginning of the relationship, the couple does not come to a conscious decision to be together, and not necessarily in marriage, you can choose the right moment and hint to the guy that you would like to transfer your relationship to new level and see his reaction. A well-made hint - good tool testing relationships at this stage.
Olga Konovalova
family psychologist, senior coach of the Graduate School of Psychological Counseling
If a girl is determined to find herself a life partner, marry him and start a family, she does not need to hide it. It is worth not just hinting, but telling the guy about marriage in plain text. Of course, for this you need, firstly, to create certain conditions and, secondly, to formulate your desire in such a way that it would not be perceived as pressure.
The problem is that men often don't understand hints, so it's better to speak directly. In this case, the girl will understand whether the guy really wants to marry her or not. If he had serious intentions, he usually proposes after such a conversation. If serious intentions was not, he begins to say that the girl is pressing on him, that it is not time yet and he must wait. This means that the guy did not want to get married.
Illustration: Nastya Grigorieva
Have you been together for a long time? Is he in no hurry to propose to you? Then it's time to take the lead.
Just do not try to frighten him off with a direct question: "Darling, and when in the registry office?" We must act very carefully. Here's a guide on how to easily hint a guy about a wedding.
Think carefully, why hasn't he called you down the aisle yet? Maybe he is just afraid that he will not be able to provide you with a decent life?
Or he is not ready for serious changes in his life and, in general, doubts whether he loves or not. After all, you can only take action when you are 100% sure of his feelings for you. If you are not sure, then postpone the action until later.
Step 2. Ideological preparation
After the first stage, draw certain conclusions: if you are one hundred percent sure that it is all about fear, simple fear, and also self-doubt, you must help him overcome this fear and increase his self-esteem.
Tell him about your friends' weddings. Make it so that he understands: a wedding is not the end of life, but the beginning of a new happy family.
Watch melodramas together with a happy ending more often.
And casually hint to him that this dress would be perfect for you. Or tell him that you caught the bridal bouquet at your friend's last wedding.
Step 3. Prove that you are a good hostess
It may be that your boyfriend is afraid to hear a refusal in response to a marriage proposal. Or he is not entirely sure that you are ready for family life... Prove to him that you are already ripe.
Can't you cook? Learn. Show him that you are an economic and domestic girl. Dream out loud about children and ask what names he likes.
Show him with all your looks that you are ready for this serious step.
Step 4. Money is not the main thing
Many men are afraid to propose due to the fact that they may not pull the family financially, as we discussed below.
So show him that money is not the most important thing. The main thing is feelings. Tell him that you are ready to work for your family well-being.
Instill in him the confidence that together you can build your family nest and raise great kids. If you don't work, then be sure to find a job and show in practice that you can earn money.
Step 5. What about feelings?
If you're not sure how he feels about you serious feelings, then ask him directly about it.
Yes, it’s scary, but it’s better to hear the bitter truth now and not build castles in the air again than to wait for this castle to collapse. It hurts much more.
You don't need to tell him about marriage: just find out how he feels about you. And what plans does he have for the future. The most important thing is to be sure that you are not just passing by, but the one who hooked him.
After all, if his relationship is not serious, it is not worth spending any effort, time, or nerves - this is all wasted work.
The last tip is unlikely to make your young man immediately run to the salon for the rings and fall on one knee. But he acts in the case when a woman really wants to go down the aisle. Draw a wedding in your mind!
Yes, yes, as soon as you start thinking about this solemn event, buying magazines and drawing sketches of dresses, you will move the wedding date and perhaps mentally push your loved one to a decision.
A rare sight of men or decisive action
So, you read the article on how to hint a guy about a wedding, you completed everything. step by step instructions, convinced of his sincerity, but no reaction?
Then this is a special kind of man who does not take hints. You just have to offer to do it yourself
Because he is waiting for this. It’s just that you don’t have the courage to be the first to talk about it. And if you really love him, then everything is in your hands. The most important thing is not to be afraid, to be confident in your abilities and to open doors to meet new things.
And then, in the very near future, your wedding ring will shine on your nameless. And from the status of unmarried you will move to the status of a wife!