I'm in love with what to do. Choosing the right tactics. How can a guy know if a girl is in love?

11.05.2019

When we fall in love, we all go a little crazy - this natural process(but still a shame). In a state of hormonal storm it is very easy to do stupid things that you yourself will regret later. And if in the good old days of the lamp there were not so many options - well, to call first, and even, maybe to guard at the house - then in the era of the Internet there were ways to show your passion and scare an object to death - above the roof. And how to live with it?

Don't overwhelm him with likes

Please, we ask you very, very much: do not like and comment on every Facebook post and every Instagram photo. It seems to you that this is completely innocent and, most importantly, sincere, - you are really delighted with how he thinks, how he writes ... But believe me: from the outside it looks terribly deliberate - both to him and to all your common acquaintances immediately see that you are literally grazing on his page. Instead of gently scratching his ego, you sleep like a youngster, and even put him in an uncomfortable position.

Don't post boobs, and then boobs again, and then boobs again

You so want to make a favorable impression on him that now every new photo masterpiece of yours on Instagram is created exclusively with the account of him. You try to show him all the most beautiful that you have, right away and in in the best possible way? That is, over and over again you post photos of your bust in all possible types and turns - in the hope that he

will like (many likes!);
will appreciate your charms and desire the soonest tactile contact with them.

Do not. We won't even explain why - just believe it: don't.

Don't turn into a Facebook stalker

You want to know absolutely everything about him, so you study all his accounts in all networks, watch and google all his friends, relatives, former girls or just acquaintances: “What kind of slut is giving him a heart? Who is she to him at all ?! Now let's find out how long they have been friends with each other .... And how many mutual friends do we have? Oh, yes, she is friends with my classmate! Now I'll try to find out everything about her ... "

Stop, do not embarrass yourself and do not waste your time on these obsessive-compulsive fun. No need to play homebrew Sherlock Holmes. If you really like this person and want to get to know him better, it’s better to take the first step yourself than to sit for hours trying to put the puzzle of his life.

Do not bombard him with messages - he needs an interlocutor, not a spammer

If you're already chatting, that's great! But if you write him a “sheet” behind a “sheet”, and he occasionally inserts “aha”, “lol” and a couple of emoticons - then something is wrong, agree. Communication should be mutual, and your contribution to it should be equal, otherwise why bother? No, do not think that we are advising to wait a day after each message and constantly calculate the proportion of which of you wrote more and who wrote less. We are against completely artificial sexist “rules” in the spirit of “while the fish is not yet on the hook, the girl must pretend to be a difficult prey - you cannot call and write first, you cannot show that you are interested in him; on the contrary, you need to pretend that your time always filled ”(why these stupid rules do not work anyway, we told in detail).

You can and should be open and sincere, you don't need to play these fake games. And yet the opposite extreme is also not for an amateur: if you overwhelm him with your declarations of love, admiration, expressions of feelings, tell him in detail everything that happened to you during the day, almost without receiving reciprocal interest, please stop. If you cannot be silent, write about your love in a diary, or something (paper, not LJ).

Don't start right away with defeatist notes

Falling in love makes us insecure - we so want to please him that we lose all our guides and pillars of self-esteem. This task - to please him, to be chosen by him just as we chose him - seems incredibly difficult, almost unattainable. Keep in mind that this is a cognitive distortion: your brain is in love, hormones disrupt thinking, distort self-esteem and exaggerate the importance of the object.

How many of us, when the madness of falling in love, gradually began to realize that the prince who charmed them was, in general, not so much a prince - not so inaccessible, not so popular, not so much snapped up, but in some ways even at all loser, and there was no queue of fashion models and beauty queens at all ... In general, the guy could be taken with his bare hands - and you sat at home, watered his photos with tears and sent prayers to heaven in the spirit of “Good God, please let he will want to sleep with me at least once ... "Hey, you didn't find yourself in the trash heap! There is no need for these defeatist moods, there is nothing to think so cheaply, dream big!

Don't score for the rest of your life

You are now at the mercy of hormones - it's like on drugs. First of all, say thank you not even to sex hormones, but to the neurotransmitter dopamine - the "hormone of drug addicts" (aka the hormone of pleasure and the hormone "give me this urgently !!!") Anthropologist Helen Fisher - the famous researcher of the "brain in love" : in the area of the brain with the romatic (hmm?) name "ventral tire region", which is responsible for pleasure, addiction and motivation, people in love have the same activity as cocaine addicts. Do you need more explanations?

Drug addicts are, you know, the kind of guys who don't lead the most healthy image life. The "natural drugs" that falling in love gives you now are much healthier and safer, and yet don't let the ocean of passion swallow up the rest of your life. Get enough sleep, eat regularly - and healthy food(yes, yes, and we have to remind about this, because the hormonal cocktail of love literally discourages the appetite!), try to observe the regime. Work, study, family, friends, hobbies - in the intoxication of falling in love, you so want to give up on all this. All this seems so petty, boring and uninteresting in comparison with your great feeling - and in comparison with him, your only and incomparable lover!

And yet, remind yourself at least slightly, unobtrusively: you are now on hormones, your head is not all right, your picture of the world is now distorted. Try not to put all your eggs in one basket, have more leads in your life for something other than the object of your passion. Many girls, every time they fall in love, completely slap on friends and girlfriends. By the way, it is a shame for your friends - to lick your wounds, then you will crawl to them! I don’t want to be sad, and yet - don’t turn into Chekhov's Darling, cultivate your own interests, separate from your beloved, remind yourself that you love and what you were fond of before you met him.

Love moves the sun, directs the elements and changes the structure of dense bodies. The energy of love nourishes and nurtures, accelerates and sends you flying. A girl or woman, seized by this power, ceases to perceive reality as it always was, and understands: “I fell in love. What to do?" Unfortunately, today, in an age of equality and grandiose opportunities, femininity becomes a prisoner in relationships, and falling in love brings more suffering than happiness. Why is this happening? Due to the confusion of concepts. Today, children are taught writing, arithmetic, the exact sciences and the basics of economics, but they are not taught to respect a man and protect a woman. They do not teach to read in hearts, to distinguish between love and being in love. With the good intention of simplifying life, scientists have reduced sex to sex. But it is not easy for a woman to abstract herself from her heart's desire, although many strive for this, having experienced their first disappointments ...

The wise say: keep your feet warm and your head cold. But, you see, they were lucky in life - they have never experienced this all-encompassing immersion in passion: the heart beats somewhere in the throat, hot breath dries up lips, dizzy, palms become wet, and the doctor does not even register a rise in temperature. When this happens, you understand: I fell in love. What to do in such a situation? If you are only twelve years old, this does not mean that you are not ready for serious trials. Think for yourself - now that you are in love, the whole world is colored with new shades, every day you feel an amazing feeling of happiness. You constantly have fantasies about the object that awakened all this fireworks.

But, you yourself understand that approaching the Sun threatens with incineration. If an unattainable star becomes the object of passion, you're in luck. You can chat about him with your girlfriends - this will not break the idyll of your love. But feelings for a real boy will have to be kept secret. It is very difficult, but you are strong. Keep a diary and pour out streams of tenderness on its pages. What do you dream about? About reciprocity? This is great, but most likely they forgot to tell you one important thing: even if a young man strives for a relationship with you and achieves attention, you need to check him, find out what kind of person he is. And recognition has such a bad effect on feelings - they often go out.

While you have time, enjoy the feeling of falling in love alone. Don't reveal your secret to anyone.

Are you going to say that Romeo and Juliet were so happy that they wished to die? Be attentive. This Shakespearean story fascinates and beyond its sad end, everyone forgets an equally tragic beginning. Reread how it all started: from the first minutes of his appearance in the play, Romeo was already in love - passionately and recklessly, and, as he himself argued, for life. His heart and mind were focused on the image of Rosaline. But what happens next? Just a few hours after the enthusiasm for her and genuine suffering, we see Romeo swearing his love to Juliet. If they had time to get to know each other and get to know each other, where is the guarantee that Romeo in the near future would not instruct Juliet ... There is something to think about, is not it?

Can you benefit from temporary insanity?

Do not think that falling in love is only a teenage problem. "Oh horror, I fell in love, what should I do?" - such questions arise in women of any age. Neuroscientists, psychiatrists, psychologists categorize this experience quite rightly. Falling in love is a crisis experience that makes a woman think about what she wants.Any crisis is potential opportunity death and rebirth to a new life. Unfortunately, we cannot choose whether to fall in love or not. This is an illusory reality, a disease of the mind and heart, given to us as a sensation. But if a woman knows what she is worthy, she has a much better chance of turning this crisis into something good. After all, it is not at all necessary to rush headlong into the maelstrom of new relationships.

If we remember, most creative people used the state of falling in love to activate their potential, to express emotions in art objects. Is not it worthy alternative tears into your pillow?

I fell in love, what should I do? Take your chance!

You may not agree with this, but personally I love the state of love. possesses a life-giving power that neither coffee, nor alcohol, nor chocolate can match. No vitamin cocktail did not stand next to the cup of happiness filled with love. In fact, every girl knows how to properly dispose of this gift. If you fell in love - what to do: sing, dance, paint, write poetry and prose. Take your chance. This state of flight will not last forever. Embody it in creativity. Fall in love more often with people, with flowers, with pictures. And always be in love with life - in this

Study at school. Not so long ago I met a very nice girl for the birthday of a classmate. At first I did not notice her, there were so familiar, a little friends, classmates from a parallel. She had a relationship with my best friend, I supported my friend in every possible way. They had no problems in relationships, I was then completely neutral to all this, I even supported my friend and tried to do everything that was necessary, but so that they would be together for a very long time. But my friend got tired of this relationship and he left her. I still did not understand why he did this? She was ideal, sweet, beautiful and moderately shy. She did not need all the jewelry and to be given flowers, or simply taken to the cinema or somewhere else. She did not know why they parted and mine best friend asked me to tell her the reason. I told her she was very upset. She grieved for a week, then said that she was done, but still could not forget him. For a long time I condemned my friend for this act and I still sometimes remember him. So this is what happened to me. It turns out that I supported her in every possible way, I am such a person that I cannot see how people suffer. He calmed, looked for the reasons why it all happened, deceived, but in the best of intentions. So, I digress from the essence of the problem. We made very good friends with her, I reconciled them, but they already behaved like friends, I was so happy that I did not even notice that I liked her. I spent a very long time with her, walked, went to her, watched a movie and made popcorn :)
Then a month or two later, I finally realized that I was in love with her. We went to the cinema with her, I never hint at anything and do not insist. We walked as friends. (I didn't have a relationship, maybe that's the whole result)
Then I started collecting information through friends. but she didn’t really tell my friends everything, but to her friend) I found out everything to her, it turns out that she’s been liking me for a long time too. but she could not be the first to say it, she is afraid of losing me. How many times my friends told me to act, do not slow down. I didn’t know what to do in such situations, as I described above, for the first time, and I didn’t know where to start. I can't just come up and say, like let's try, date ..... it's not about me, I don't like such words. If both sides perfectly understand that they are sympathetic to each other, then why doesn't it all start quietly?
One day, a friend came up to me and said hurry up. But I didn't know how? Why does he have to hurry? He said that little is needed from me, he himself will help us. I went to a friend to investigate, I was able to cross my threshold, I was ready to talk to her. But then my friend on the trail. the day said that it was late, I did not think that everything would be so fast.
It turns out she wrote, to another friend of mine, that he likes her. My friend was the best, he knew perfectly well that I like her ... But I did not sacrifice friendship and pretended to know nothing about them. The first 3 days were like hell for me, I tried to forget about my dream and continue living as friends. What did I get over time. I noticed that she does not speak to me as before, we began to communicate less. But then they parted, a friend called and told me, I would not even know about their relationship if my friends had not told me. A day later she wrote to me, she was interested to know what I think about this, to which I replied that nothing. She was angry about something. Then after 2 days, communication with her improved, by itself. Then after another 3 days she said that we need to talk, seriously, but she said that she was afraid, I said that we can talk to you at any time, just ask. For 2 days she did not dare and decided to write. To which I replied in the same way, I like you. We decided to meet and say this to each other again. But she said, let's check, to which I replied, come on. there, 2 days later, there was a holiday on March 8, which I did not regret and bought her flowers) I was pleased to see her smile, I cannot forget this day, for me it was the best)
We also talked with her as friends, there were no abrupt changes. A month later, she again let her know about it, but said that she didn’t know, didn’t want anything to happen. We agreed to wait until summer if we don't lose interest. And in Lately I began to have dreams with her, they were very pleasant and there were also such dreams from which I woke up abruptly, all wet and in fear. Recently, I began to notice some hallucinations or illusions. They were like that, I saw her in some girls, at first it was about clothes, I saw something similar and immediately remembered about her. And now, I am confusing even from afar if I look. I see her reflection in other girls, but only for a moment. Probably nonsense, but I don't know what to do with it .... on the hike I fell very much in love ...

WITH english word"Falling in love" is translated as limerence - this is a strong feeling or a complex of them, which psychologists consider positive. The object of this feeling is another person (animal, object). Attention: psychologists say that falling in love brings with it a narrowing of consciousness, due to which the assessment of a beloved object is significantly distorted. This psychological feature, which must be taken into account when falling in love.

Because of this distorted assessment of reality, then there are many disappointments. You endowed a girl with certain qualities, and then it turned out that she was completely different. And when time passes, and you look at the object of your love with sober eyes, the thought very often comes to mind: "And what did I find in her?"

But it will be later. In the meantime, a person does not see absolutely no flaws in the object of love, but the advantages are simply gigantic.

How is falling in love different from other feelings?

The state when a person fell in love differs from sexual affection or hobby in that sex is not the main thing in this case. Fall in love with a person completely - his gait, habits, voice and so on. But, unlike love, falling in love is more intense and stormy, but less long-lasting. It can pass in a week, or maybe in six months, depending on the character and persistence of the one who fell in love, and also on whether this love is mutual or not.

When a person falls in love, he experiences much more and more strongly than when he fell in love. Scientists characterize this state as final, but the exact boundaries of falling in love are individual, it is rather difficult to determine them even for professionals. According to the strictest estimates, falling in love can last up to two years. But, no matter how happy you are in a state of falling in love, or, on the contrary, no matter how much you suffer, you should know: falling in love has one more thing. important property: limb. Sooner or later, it ends, turning into either persistent and strong love, or indifference or disappointment.

And, of course, if you fall in love, this state can be

Mutual
Unrequited

What do social psychologists say about those who fall in love?

If you fall in love, the first thing a person does is try to be closer to the object of his passion. Or, embarrassed, hides away from this object, but this does not cancel his desire to be closer. These two traits are noted by social psychologists when falling in love.

If you fall in love, it is also determined physical symptoms: a state of anxiety or anxiety, or causeless joy, or a change in emotions from unbridled happiness to hopeless sadness. Unrequited love is usually characterized by such a symptom as melancholy.

When you ask yourself “What to do if you fell in love,” note that the state of falling in love does not depend on whether it is mutual or not. If the love is not mutual, 90% of it quickly passes. But if the object of falling in love responds even slightly to passion, falling in love can last much longer.

So what if you fell in love?

First, ask your child about it. Children can express thoughts that, despite all their simplicity, are very useful to us, adults. Answer options:

One should not be afraid, but go and get acquainted. (Martha, 5 years old)
Say it to the person's face. You can't keep everything to yourself. (Frosya, 11 years old)
Well, if you are an adult, then you can kiss ... (in a whisper) ashamed to speak, on the lips. (Rebecca, 5 years old)
Get married and make friends. (Mark, 6 years old)
Look for ways to prevent this. (Petya, 9 years old)

Seriously, when falling in love, you need to take into account all the information that you read above and decide: do you want to make contact with your object of love? If yes, go, decide, find out. And be happy or, conversely, suffer in silence. Perhaps your crush will not go away as quickly and imperceptibly as it began.

21 794 0 Hello! In this article, we will tell you how to understand that you have truly fallen in love. This question is asked by many girls who have an increased interest in a certain representative of the opposite sex. The time of falling in love is a wonderful time when we are happy, cheerful and so light that we are about to take off! But can we always accurately determine this feeling and separate it from other states.

The main signs of falling in love

Elevated mood.
Feeling of happiness.
Constant thoughts about your beloved, craving for him, the desire to spend all your time with him.
Increased activity in behavior, the desire to change something.

Love, affection or sympathy?

When you are interested in a member of the opposite sex, you cannot always immediately determine what is behind this: just sympathy or have you already managed to become attached to him? Or maybe you really fell in love? Let's look at the main differences between these conditions.

State	Peculiarities	What is important to us in this state
Sympathy	Expressed in the fact that we like someone or something, we feel "emotional kinship" with him. Gender, age, status, etc. do not matter. There is no sexual context here. Most often, sympathy arises on the basis of a community of interests and values.	Positive emotional contact with the object of sympathy, the desire to be in his company and to evoke sympathy in response to himself.
Attachment	Attachment is based on the habit of being around someone. Usually appears after long-term relationship... Assumes a dependent position on the object of attachment. Relationships usually do not develop, "hang" in one state, and most often they are reliable and stable.	Stability in relationships and preserve them by any means, because the fear of losing a loved one is strongest in them.
Love	Strong emotional attraction to another person, desire physical intimacy with him. The one with whom we are in love becomes an "ideal", we greatly exalt some aspects of his personality, and we may not notice weaknesses at all.	We strive to evoke a response from the beloved, to satisfy personal needs in the relationship, we want the partner to remain “ideal” at all times.
Love	Deep sympathy for someone or something. V romantic relationship usually develops out of falling in love and involves dedication and acceptance of the other person with all his merits and demerits. Can flow without sexual desire(love for children, for parents, for the Motherland, etc.) See also:?	Shared happiness, the desire to make another person happy, inspire him, take care of him, respect and understand him, be faithful.

How to know that you are in love - 25 signs

You think about this person all the time, you can even sometimes go “into the astral plane” thinking about him and not react to the questions of others. You have dreams about your beloved (you may have the same dream several times).
You mentally imagine your date, how you look, what you talk about.
You want physical intimacy with him: hug, kiss, enter into an intimate relationship.
You dream of romantically spending time with this young man: having a candlelit dinner, going to a restaurant, going on a trip with him or spending your leisure time in an original way.
Do you want to be aware of everything that is happening to him: ask your friends about him, look through the pages in in social networks.
You feel that your breathing quickens and your heart begins to beat faster when you see the object of your love or hear his voice in the telephone receiver. You feel trembling in your limbs, you can blush when you meet him.
You look forward to messages from him, and you yourself are ready to inundate him with letters.
You cannot sleep for a long time, you are overwhelmed with emotions, and many different thoughts are spinning in your head about the man of your dreams, whom you met.
You are very receptive to his words: you fly up to the seventh heaven if a guy gives a compliment, and you get very upset if you hear criticism from him in your address.
You have become much more attentive to your appearance: you want to look more attractive than before (especially if a meeting with someone you are in love with), you want to change something in yourself.
You feel a surge of energy, a desire to act and the emergence of new forces.
You began to smile more often, moreover for no reason.
Everywhere and in everything you see "signs". For example, it turns out that in the past you attended an event at the same time (and you can even remember what this guy was like then). Or by chance you come across films that you recently discussed with him, books that he likes.
You strive to constantly talk about him, tell your friends, colleagues.
Do you want to create: make a guy some unusual gift, cook something tasty for him, write a poem, etc.
You have become prone to committing impulsive actions (and sometimes even insane actions). For example, you send him "bold" SMS or "accidentally" walk around his house.
You do not notice his shortcomings, for you he is an ideal man.
Ready to devote all of herself to her beloved: to sacrifice personal time, communicating with girlfriends, sharing his interests, listening to him for hours.
Your interest in your old hobbies and hobbies has weakened. You devote all your attention to the guy and what he likes and how he lives.
Your musical taste may change. You suddenly notice that you began to love melodramas and romantic comedies(if you have not previously preferred them).
You forgive the guy even for serious misconduct, because you are afraid of losing him.
You can call him by the name of other men.
You want to sing, dance and enjoy your own feelings.
You want to marry him. It begins to seem to you that this is exactly your man with whom you want to spend your whole life. Of course thoughts about serious relationship- this is good, but you should not rush, otherwise you can simply scare young man... Here it is important to feel his readiness for such a relationship. So be patient and enjoy your time together.
You strike up a conversation with a love object on serious topics: family, marriage, eternal love and loyalty. You want to make joint plans with him.

What if you fell in love?

Of course, the answer suggests itself - to love, to enjoy life and relationships. More specifically:

Spend more time for yourself: both appearance and inner peace... It is important that you like yourself and consider yourself attractive. Useful to watch the movie at your leisure "I am the most charming and attractive", it does not lose its relevance. Work as much as possible with internal problems and complexes. Their presence may not the best way affect the success of the relationship. If we are overwhelmed or upset, we are unable to fully surrender to our feelings.
When you meet the object of love, radiate lightness and positive mood... Men love it.
Smile more often. It always suits women.
The main thing at first is interesting communication and friendship. Achieve this goal first. And then the relationship will come out on new level... Be patient and take your time.
Maintain communication (at meetings, by phone, SMS, on social networks), without letting yourself be forgotten. But by no means be intrusive. Still, men love to conquer a lady.
Do not come up with some stunning image that contradicts your natural behavior, in order to win his heart. Be yourself, don't try to pretend.
Take an interest in his hobbies so that you can communicate on topics that are important to him.
When communicating with a guy, call him by name more often and do not miss the opportunity to make an appropriate compliment.
Develop as a whole as a person, do not dwell only on the object of love. The more active your life will be, the more interests and affairs appear in it, the more enthusiasm you will feel and you will look more confident and attractive.

How can a guy know if a girl is in love?

The girl tries to maintain eye contact with the guy (it may even seem that she is "making eyes"), and the longer the gaze is held, the stronger her interest is usually.
She uses various gestures to attract attention (she can fiddle with an earring or stroke other jewelry, correct her hair, etc.)
She smiles and laughs at the guy's jokes.
The girl monitors her appearance, she can constantly change something in her.
She calls or texts you first. Pay attention to the text of the messages, it can be very original. And this also speaks of the high interest of the young man.
She tries to show concern for the guy, to support, if necessary.
The girl does not flirt with other guys, all her attention is turned to one.
She is interested in the hobby of the one she loves. He asks questions about this, shares his impressions, actively maintains a conversation with a guy about his hobbies.
She is sensitive to the guy's words (to criticism and compliments): she can get embarrassed, strongly inspired, upset, blush, etc.
The girl makes gifts. And the most revealing thing here is not the price of the gift, but the consideration of its value for the young man. The more individual approach the girl applies in this matter, the more she is in love.

The more signs of falling in love you find in yourself and in another person, the stronger than feelings... It is important to respond correctly to these signals, and no matter how much you want, don't rush into the pool with your head. Inner voice, confidence and retention of feeling dignity- your assistants in this matter.