Teaching a child to walk: why not rush. Why there is no need to rush the physical development of the child. Strongly patronize the baby

I keep posting interesting articles and reviews of books on parenting and development of children.

The original article is taken at blog of psychologist Anna Levchenko :

The day I stopped rushing my child ...

The Day I Stopped Saying “Hurry Up!”

The day I stopped saying "Hurry up!"(rather, faster, hurry, run, hurry - choose what you usually say :))

When you live a crazy life, every minute should count. You feel like you have to check something on a list, stare at a screen, or rush to your next scheduled location. And no matter how I tried to distribute my time and attention, and no matter how many different tasks I tried to solve, I still didn't have enough time to do everything.

This has been my life for two crazy years. My thoughts and actions were controlled by electronic notifications, ringtones, and a packed schedule. And although with every fiber of my soul my inner controller would like to find time for all things in my overloaded plan, this did not work out.

It so happened that six years ago I was blessed with a calm, carefree, stop-and-smell-a-rose baby.

When I had to leave, she enjoyed finding the shiny crown in my bag.

When I needed to be about five minutes ago, she demanded to strap her toy animal to the car seat.

When I needed a quick bite at Subway, she couldn't stop talking to an elderly woman like her grandmother.

When I had thirty minutes to run somewhere, she asked me to stop the carriage to pet every dog ​​we passed.

When I had a fully scheduled day, starting at 6 am, she would ask me to break the eggs so she could shake them very slowly and gently.

My carefree child was a gift to my Type A, but I didn't notice it. Oh no, when you live a crazy life, you have a tunnel vision, predicting only what's next on the agenda. And anything that couldn't be ticked off the schedule was a waste of time.

Whenever my child forced me to deviate from the schedule, I thought to myself, "We don't have time for this." Consequently, the two words that I most often said to my little life lover were: "Come on, hurry."

I started my sentences with them.
Come on soon, we're late.

And she ended sentences with them.
We’ll miss it all if you don’t hurry.

I started my day with them.
Hurry up and eat your breakfast.
Hurry up and get dressed.

I ended my day with them.
Brush your teeth quickly.
Get to bed quickly.

And while the words “hurry up” and “hurry up” did little, if nothing, to speed up my child, I said them all the same. Perhaps even more often than the words "I love you."

Yes, the truth is painful, but the truth heals ... and brings me closer to the parent I want to be.

Then, one fateful day, everything changed. We just took mine eldest daughter from kindergarten and got out of the car. This did not happen as quickly as she would like, and she said to her little sister: “You are so slow!”. And when she crossed her arms over her chest and sighed in annoyance, I saw myself in her - and this caused me mental pain.

I was a stalker, pushing, pressing and rushing little child, which the just wanted to enjoy life.

I regained my sight and clearly saw how my hasty existence was hurting both my children.

Both of my daughters looked equally surprised at my painful confession, but the younger's face was undoubtedly lit up with a radiance of approval and acceptance.

“I promise to be more patient,” I said, and hugged my curly-haired girl, who was now beaming with her mother’s promise.

Getting the word “hurry up” out of my vocabulary was pretty easy. But what was really difficult was to be patient to wait for my leisurely baby. To help both of us, I started giving her a little more preparation time when we had to travel somewhere. But sometimes, despite this, we were still late. Then, I persuaded myself that I would be late, only these few years, while she was still young.

When my daughter and I walked or went to the store, I let her set the pace. And when she stopped to admire something, I drove the thoughts of my plans from my head and just watched her. I noticed expressions on her face that I had never seen before. I studied the spots on her hands and the way her eyes narrowed as she smiled. I've seen other people respond to her when she stops to talk to them. I saw her study interesting insects and beautiful flowers... She was a Noticer * and I quickly realized that The Noticers * in the world are rare and wonderful gifts... That's when I finally realized - she was a gift for my mad soul.

I made a promise to slow down almost three years ago. And until now, in order to live in slow motion, I have to make a lot of effort. But my youngest daughter is a living reminder of why I must keep trying. And indeed, another time, she reminded me of this again.

During the holidays, we went together to bike ride to the tent with fruit ice... After buying the treat, my daughter sat down at the picnic table, admiring the ice tower she held in her hand. Suddenly, I saw concern on her face. "Should I hurry, Mom?"

I could cry. Perhaps the scars of a hasty life never completely disappear, I thought sadly.

When my child looked at me, trying to figure out if she needed to hurry now, I knew that I had a choice. I could sit and grieve thinking about how many times in my life I have spurred her on ... or I could celebrate the fact that today I am trying to do differently.

I decided to live in today.

“Take your time, honey. Just take your time, ”I said softly. Her face instantly brightened and her shoulders relaxed.

And so we sat side by side, talking about things ukulele-playing 6-year-olds talk about. There were even moments when we sat in silence, just smiled at each other, admiring the surroundings and sounds around us.

I thought my child was going to eat every last drop, but when she got almost to the end, she handed me a spoonful of ice crystals made from sweet juice. “I saved the last spoon for you, Mom,” my daughter said proudly.

When I let the ice of kindness quench my thirst, I realized that I had just made a deal of a lifetime.

I gave my child some time ... and in return, she gave me her last spoon and reminded me that the taste becomes sweeter and love comes easier when you stop rushing through life like that.

And now, will it be ...

... eating fruit ice;

… Picking up flowers;

… Wearing a seat belt;

... breaking eggs;

... looking for seashells;

... examining ladybirds;

... or just a walk ...

I will not say: “We don’t have time for this!”. Because, in essence, it means: "We have no time to Live."

Stop to enjoy simple pleasures daily life- this is the only way live for real.

(Trust me, I learned this from the world's leading experts on the joy of living.)

Posted by Rachel Macy Stafford "s http://www.handsfreemama.com/2013/07/16/t he-day-i-stopped-saying-hurry-up /

* Noticer (from the verb Notice - to pay attention, to notice) - I did not find an analogue to this word in Russian, and this is interesting. Noticers are people who are very attentive to little things. People who are able to notice that ordinary people skip. V ordinary life they can be scattered and soaring in the clouds, they are often switched and distracted, it is difficult for them to concentrate. Do you know these kids?

Rachel has a tape in which she touchingly addresses this issue and how she deals with it. If this topic is relevant, let me know. If there are many who wish, I will translate this entry for you.

P.S. I am still glad to make corrections in the translation :)

upd: With your help, I found out that a noticer is a contemplator (observer, observer, observer, etc. :) Thank you all!

Articles

Alla (Crimea): I just came from parent meeting... They praised my first-class son for how smart he is, BUT VERY slow - while he writes 1 page of the copybook, others will write three. How can I help him develop so that he can switch more easily and do tasks faster? I try to approach it in different ways. And discipline (immediately into tears and tantrums), and rewards (helped briefly). What to do?

Victoria Vinnikova, math teacher, answers:

Hello Alla. Your worries are understandable. First grade is always a test for parents and children. A child's success is a painful issue for parents. Everyone wants his child to study well and do everything. And then they complain about him. Although at the same time they admit that the child is smart, assiduous, one thing is bad - slow. Can't keep up with everyone in the class. What to do? How can I help him?

At the very beginning of their education, children develop basic skills and abilities. Finding the right approach to your child is a key task to stimulate their desire to learn, rather than discourage them with inappropriate actions. Let's try to answer your questions using system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan.

Slowness as a feature of the psyche

Obviously, all children have a different learning rate, and this is normal. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to objectively see the characteristics of different children and understand what approach they need for the best development.

According to the SVP, there are people with a special mentality, they are characterized by special thinking - analytical. They are very fond of figuring things out in order to understand until the very end. For them, haste is equal to a mistake. And they do not like to make mistakes, on the contrary, they want to do everything cleanly and correctly.

Such children have not yet put everything in their minds on their mental shelves, they cannot perceive information. All knowledge should already be systematized at the entrance and assigned to a certain class. Naturally, this takes time. So their slowness is back side their analytical thinking and commitment to quality performance of any work. Such features are possessed by 20% of people. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan defines them as representatives of the anal vector.

Each vector is a group of desires. Desires are given to us for a reason, but to fulfill a certain role in society. In a developed state, people with an anal vector are prominent scientists, doctors, teachers. After all, it is for these professions that phenomenal memory, the ability to organize and analyze huge amounts of information. And with great pleasure your child begins to hone his properties at school. He loves to learn and enjoys the work done carefully.

Is speed of execution an advantage?

In contrast to such students, there are other children with a skin vector. On the contrary, they are very mobile, quick-witted, quickly grasp information, but do not remember it for a long time. They say about such people: "It flew into one ear - it flew into the other." It is also difficult to teach such nimble guys, because they lack the same perseverance that your son has.

How to reward a slow child?

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan clearly shows that, based on different devices mental, such children need. Skin children are good at discipline and restraint. And children with an anal vector - praise and encouragement. You tried to apply discipline and restriction to your child, while he is simply immune to them.

So your task is to praise him for the quality and cleanliness, for the accuracy and ability to understand all the details of what he does. That is, for those strengths, which are in it by nature and require development. You will just see how your child will be filled with joy. Give him a little more time. After all, now he is practicing basic skills. And you reward him for accuracy and correctness. Find the right words, often tell him that he is smart and well done, he did everything so beautifully and correctly. We assure you he will get from it double pleasure... And when the skill is mastered, he will be able to complete tasks at a normal pace. Soon you will be proud of your son's success, and the teacher will set him up as an example.

You just need to combine internal and external forces. Do not allow external forces to conflict with the internal structure of your child's psyche. Let him know to himself that yes, he is a little slow. But he does it correctly and efficiently. If he is rushed, he must already stand up for himself. Have in your stock these arguments, which are voiced to him by his mother.

For a child with an anal vector, mom has a special meaning. All his behavior depends on her opinion. He is not very decisive and depends on what mom says. She is sacred to him, her word is the highest value. Your understanding of the characteristics of his psyche and the correct approach to him are necessary to maintain a sense of security and safety - a basic feeling, necessary for the child for development.

Should I rush a slow child?

To demand speed from such a child is fundamentally wrong. You get neither speed nor quality. Even if he tries, he will not succeed. He has a different rhythm of work - calm, thoughtful, measured. By urging him on, you knock him out of this rhythm and instead of acceleration you get a stupor - he is simply not able to act in uncomfortable conditions of haste, he is literally paralyzed thinking activity... As a result, it slows down even more!

The only exception can be children who have both skin and anal vectors. But by urging such a child, you will stimulate his skin vector, the anal vector will not develop at this moment, and then you will already have complaints about the child's restlessness and inability to keep order.

So, in your case, you need to learn slowly and surely. Correctness and accuracy are your allies. And speed will always be at the expense of quality. You must know about this yourself and convey this information to loved ones. Teachers should also know this.

Slow child. Conversation with the teacher

You need to take the position of your child. And be sure to talk to the teacher. Suggest to the teacher that your son should be praised for his quality, accuracy, and accuracy. And, most importantly, do not rush, then he will master everything and will not get stuck. In no case should you make a sprinter out of him, this will lead to a decrease in quality and resentment. As a result, instead of an excellent student, a critic and stubborn will grow, in the worst case, he may completely lose interest in learning.

Talk to the teacher calmly, you both want the best for the child. After all, the teacher has many children in the class. And every parent wants individual approach... But working with parents who know the characteristics of their child helps the teacher. It is important to look for interaction, not blame.

At the same time, clearly show the teacher your position that you are on the side of the child and understand the peculiarities of his psyche. And you will not, together with the teacher, remake it to the general standards.

Using the knowledge of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology, parents and teachers can easily adapt to any child's characteristics, helping them to develop the best that is in them.

At the training of Yuri Burlan, parents begin to understand their child with all their heart, and this is enough to grow a creative harmonious personality, joyfully interact with him and help him overcome difficulties in his studies.

You can learn more about your golden child already at the free online lectures of Yuri Burlan: http://www.yburlan.ru/training/registration-deti

The article was written using materials from trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

Raising children has never been easy. Because any child, even a small one, is already an independent person. He has his own individual traits and characteristics. Parents, first of all, want the children to obey, follow the instructions, once again did not run, did not jump, did not whine and many more "no ..."

Attempts to make the child obedient do not result in positive outcome,. In some subtleties correct communication with the children, we will now figure it out so that from the tomboys who always behave restlessly, at the same time are stubborn and often offended, learn how to raise disciplined children, capable of painstaking work and at the same time quick thinking.

Parenting: finishing touches to a portrait

He does not like to sit still, he adores outdoor games... Shouting, making noise, running and jumping are the most enjoyable activities. May be assiduous, but make you engage hard work almost impossible. In this case, as a rule, reward works great. Traded as a reward for fulfilling a request.

Hearing parental instructions, he rests like a stubborn bull, and will not budge until he achieves a small prize for obedience. Sometimes he is obedient, trying to help his beloved mother, and flourishes when he hears praise in his address. Lips blow on unfulfilled communication by parents; deprived of attention or gifts, is greatly offended.

Quarrels with parents lead to aggressive behavior... Throw a toy on the floor in your hearts or go and win back on a neighbor's cat ? The degree of aggression depends on how deeply the resentment is entrenched.

Raising children with such a character is a difficult task at first glance. But having figured out all the intricacies, we can easily make it simple, and the child happy.

Parenting: rush can't wait

One of the key points from which all conflicts begin is the parental habit of rushing the child when he completes any task.

Put your toys away quickly, we're leaving! Go get dressed.

Stop picking at the plate, it's time for you to do your homework!

Why are you putting on shoes for so long, we’re late, after all ...

It would seem that such a nimble child like yours should cope with everything else quickly. But it was not there. Instead, he begins to rush, fuss and, realizing that he is not coping with anything, drops the case halfway, offended by you for some unknown reason.

Very understandable, actually. Such a child has two types of psyche at the same time. It is a fast cutaneous vector and a leisurely anal vector. Their properties are completely different from one another, so there is a lot of confusion in behavior.

The skin vector is manifested in the child by the desire for movement, increased activity. This he does not allow him to sit still calmly. The anal vector, on the contrary, is prone to slow and careful execution of affairs, calm sedentary games.

A child only with a skin vector approaches business from the position of speed of execution and does not pay attention to quality. The anal vector requires thoroughness from its owner in the execution of the case.

And if both types of psyche are present in one child, parents need to understand that when they give him a task, then it is imperative to give the child time to complete it.

Therefore, hurry Dear Parents, it is forbidden! You can wait until your baby completes one assignment and only then turn to him with the next request. Even if the request is about little things, do not rush to set several tasks for the child at the same time. Otherwise, the internal haste of the skin vector will begin to slow down the properties of the anal type of psyche, which can cope with tasks only if the person is not rushed.

Parenting: Poor Qualities Developed by Parents

Man with anal vector at correct development grows up as a perfectionist, brings any business to the end and without a single mistake. He is capable of this naturally only if no one drives him in the neck, and even in childhood he was allowed to calmly improve his properties.

The protective functions of the anal vector are stupidity and stubbornness. They guarantee that any business will be done perfectly or not done at all, that is, they put a person into a stupor if they are rushed too much. And the task, thus, remains unfulfilled, because he completely loses the desire to do anything. Instead, the child begins to be stubborn, because he simply cannot "faster".

But since our child also has a strong desire to move, it means that this significantly reduces his perseverance and desire to laboriously work on lessons, for example. And the frequent hurrying of the baby completely minimizes his natural perseverance. In this case, parents may have absolutely no idea that their child is generally able to devote a lot of time to one business.

As a result, one of the main qualities of the anal vector, perfectionism, does not develop in the child at all, but instead, stubbornness grows and grows stronger before our eyes. Stubbornness goes hand in hand with resentment. They are born in response to the same mishandling.

Raising Children: A Miraculous Transformation

In order for a child to grow up without offense and develop harmoniously in all its properties, it is necessary to correctly set tasks for him and take into account the features of both vectors.

The skin vector requires mobility, it has a logical mindset. The interests of such a child range from all kinds of active pursuits which include any sports, up to exercises in mental agility, decisions logical tasks finding interesting paths. Dermal baby it is perfectly capable of this, because one of its main natural features is the search for the most advantageous paths.

Thus, we see that and, you just need to choose the right occupation. And the properties of the anal vector add to it even more perseverance and ability to analyze tasks.

The main thing at this moment is not to rip the child from his place and not to divert his attention to something else. Because those who love novelty, its skin properties are immediately carried away by the new, and the old is forgotten.

Try to select games and tasks in different directions for the child so that both of his vectors can prove themselves. And the encouragement will be, firstly, praise (it perfectly stimulates the anal vector) and something material (for the skin vector).

The anal vector, if the child is treated according to his properties, makes the baby obedient and ready to carry out assignments at the first request of the parents.

The skin vector pushes to action the awareness of the benefits that it will receive, and the discipline to which in the same way it is necessary to accustom. It is not necessary to promise only rewards, it is necessary to use restrictions on games, entertainment, and so on.

If you have managed to deal with anal stubbornness, then you are already halfway to obedience. The child will not resist your request just like that. And a little emphasis on the fact that something desirable awaits him ahead will add speed to the execution of the case.

The main task of parents in raising children who can be characterized as obedient fidgets (with proper development, of course) is to make sure that in moments stressful situations, and they are always in abundance in the life of every person, they could use their innate properties for the good, and not to the detriment of themselves.

Because the usual situation that an anal-dermal person easily gets into, be it an adult or a child, is a stupor at the moments of acceptance quick decisions and fidgeting and haste at moments when, on the contrary, it is necessary to show perseverance and do everything carefully.

To prevent this from happening, study the combination of the skin and anal vectors and develop the child harmoniously in both directions.

The article was written using materials from trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan