What if I fell in love with a friend. I fell in love with my best friend: what to do? True love or circumstance

The eternal question, which interests both men and women, and to which neither one nor the other can answer in any way: “Is there friendship between a man and a woman?”. Of course, since childhood, boys and girls can be friends with each other, but even at this age, one sex is interested in the other. Boys are always pulling girls pigtails, pushing and in every possible way draw attention to themselves, simply because they still do not know how to properly handle fragile girls. But, having matured, it becomes more difficult to determine whether representatives of different sexes are friends, or one can talk about some sympathy. And sometimes friendships get out of hand. The guy and the girl spend a lot of time together, and this cannot pass without a trace. And one day the girl realizes that she fell in love with a friend.

What to do if you fall in love with a friend?

It is worth saying that such situations happen often, as this is quite natural. People communicate together, joke, do something interesting together - how can you not feel sympathy? Of course, another question is if you fall in love with a guy who has a girlfriend and they have a rather serious and long-term relationship.

In such cases, it is better to immediately confess your feelings and discuss it. Maybe the guy decides that friendly relations have long gone beyond, and he is still ready to take a serious step and radically change his life. But you need to remember that if he really loves his girlfriend, then friendships after a confession of feelings from a girlfriend can simply break off. It is necessary to consider whether the recognition of such a loss is worth it.

Many say that falling in love best friend- this is the best that can be. After all strong relationship and a strong family are built on friendship, and if people were friends before the start of a relationship, then they definitely know everything about each other.

But here the girl must decide whether she is ready to see in the role of her husband a person with whom she has been friends for a long time, and knows absolutely all the details of life about him, including intimate ones. It all depends on what kind of relationship the guy and the girl had when they were friends.

What to do if you fell in love with a friend's boyfriend?

There are no less rare situations when a girl can fall in love with her girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. This happens when a friend introduces her boyfriend to her best friend and the three of them spend a lot of time together. And then, for some reason, she breaks up with her boyfriend, and her friend continues to communicate with him, and involuntarily they become very close people to each other.

In such a situation, one should not hide from a friend that there is some kind of relationship with her ex-boyfriend. It’s better to tell everything right away and try to explain that feelings cannot be controlled, and he is a good guy, which is why sympathy or love appeared.

What to do if you fell in love with a pen pal?

Love happens on the internet too. In the age of technology and all kinds of gadgets, more and more sites appear where you can get acquainted with different people. A guy and a girl can be from different cities and countries, but, chatting on the Internet, they understand that they are very similar to each other, and lend themselves to sympathy.

Of course, making a pen pal is good, but is it worth thinking about something serious about him? After all real life and communication on the Internet are completely different things. Communicating on the Internet, you can fall in love with the humor and courage of a guy, in his looseness. But upon meeting, it may turn out that he, on the contrary, is shy and a little cowardly.

And in general, correspondence with a girl on the Internet may turn out to be just flirting for a guy, and he loves another girl. Many girls told stories that they were burned more than once about such guys. Therefore, it is worth thinking carefully before declaring feelings for a friend from the Internet.

Naturally, it is not uncommon for friends, even by correspondence, to get married and have strong families. This is a matter of chance and fate. Someone believes that fate is destined to meet the person who will become the second half. And someone believes that the person himself builds his own destiny, so do not be afraid to talk about your feelings, perhaps they are mutual.

The only thing that in such situations you need to know is that happiness cannot be built on someone else's misfortune. If you separate people in love on purpose, it will not turn out good and strong relationship. Some girls resort to the means of magic and all sorts of love spells, without thinking about the consequences. And it’s worth thinking about whether it is possible to be happy while living with a person who was forced to love.

He will fulfill all whims, but not because he wants to, but because someone inspires him to do it. You should not force yourself to be with you, most likely, there is a guy who will become the only one, he is just worth the wait. And when the feeling comes that both people in this couple love - it will be the highest pleasure. Then you can safely declare your happiness.

Video on the topic of the article

The friendship between a guy and a girl remains purely friendly for the time being. If your friend who once did not call in you romantic feelings, matured, approached your ideal man, then it will be very difficult to restrain heart impulses. Even if both you and he are no longer free.

To understand that your feelings for a once bosom friend have changed is simple: his companion has become annoyed with you, you are claiming his personal time and eagerly waiting for the next call. What to do if you fall in love with a friend? Firstly, be glad that such a feeling has visited your heart, and only after that think about your future plans.

Decide what you need

Lawless Heart. If you have fallen in love with a friend, consider whether there are prospects for you as a couple. Although he is good as a buddy, he may just not be ready to build a relationship with you or anyone. Also consider what you will get if the relationship status changes. Do you long for his kisses and touches, or do you just want romance to appear, does he begin to look at you differently? Will you be happier that he will love you back. The answers to all these questions will help you make a decision.

Take your mind off your friend

Perhaps you are just too focused on your relationship with this person. Try even against your will to communicate with other guys. It would be better if you leave somewhere for a while and do not call or write to him. Find something interesting that will take a lot of time.

What if he has a girlfriend

If you are best friends with him, you probably helped him in a relationship with another girl. So you know how things really are. How to use such knowledge is a question for you. It will not be difficult for you to separate them, skillfully manipulating your knowledge. But will you remain friends with him after that, because in fact you used friendship for selfish purposes, separating him from his ex. Try not to deceive his expectations and act in honest ways.

Take your relationship to romance

Finding a compelling excuse to be alone won't be hard for you. Invite him for a walk, dress very feminine - so that men passing by will envy your companion. If you managed to achieve this effect, pay attention to your companion given fact and joke. After all, openly flirting with him is not worth it. Offer to play as a couple. Let him act as a gentleman and you as his lady.

So, your plan of action should be as follows: think about what you yourself want, take a break from it for a while, make new acquaintances. If all this only confirmed you in the idea that it was your soul mate, translate the relationship into the plane of romance.

Hello.
I am 28 years old and I have never really had friends, neither at school nor at the institute. And then suddenly appeared and one of them became my best friend. We talked a lot, moved to Moscow together, rent an apartment together now. In Moscow, I got a job that I dreamed of since childhood, I earn good money. Snowboard, frisbee, bike, art design, cinema - a sea of ​​\u200b\u200bhobbies. I am outwardly handsome, courageous, girls like me. In short, live and be happy. But from the inside, it seems to me, I am worse than any hysterical woman.
Some time ago, I realized that I feel for my best friend not just friendly feelings. In general, six months ago I admitted that I love him and, as expected, everything went downhill. He meets girls, they spend the night with us, I get to know them as his best friend. Do I need to say how I feel?
He immediately let me know that he really appreciates me as a friend, but I can’t count on more. I'm lucky - he didn't push me away, he cherishes me. Said I had to transform my feeling. I replied that I would try very hard. And, indeed, he began to try. Tried to distract myself with something. But there seems to be some kind of mechanism in me that returns to the main problem.
Then quarrels, scandals, clarifications from scratch began. In short, the situation escalated and he sent me literally three letters and we have not been talking for almost a month, although we still live under the same roof.
I know myself and I know that these feelings for him are the strongest thing that has happened to me and will continue to happen. I am one of those people who believe in the only love for life and it seems to me that now I have it. It is hard for me to destroy in myself this piece of the brightest in me. For his sake, I would do it, but how?
Usually, I don't freak out. Even if it is very scary, I close my eyes and take steps that are unpleasant, painful, but leading to improvement. Now I don’t understand what these steps should be - I can’t draw up an action plan that would resolve the situation so that I don’t lose it and we remain best friends as before.
He tells me that I have to communicate with other people and sooner or later someone will interest me. I did as he said: I dated both girls and other guys. I did not want to, but I understood that this could be a way out. But nothing like that helps.
Needless to say, because of all this, everything is not interesting to me now. I remember myself, how I started to get involved in design, how greedy for the new I always was. But now, because of one problem, I have dropped my hands on everything. I literally reject everything and push it away from me. I live as in a dream, as if not my own life.
It seems that the heart began to hurt, but they write that this is a pinched vertebral nerve, most likely.
I understand that out of sight, out of mind. But I'm not ready. I'm not ready to destroy it in myself.
He says he can't help me. He says that he will not communicate with me until I start going to a psychologist. But I am an extremely closed person, in my whole life I could only trust this very friend, and for the rest - Mr. happy smile. Starting to talk to a stranger about your insides is too much for me.
In connection with all this, I have a question: how can you help me? What do you know that I do not know that could put me on the right track and lead to desired result?

Hello Igor! The point here is NOT that someone knows more than you - but the point is that you yourself CANNOT decide and figure it out now - to understand what is happening, why? and most importantly, where to go next? you do not yet have the ultimate goal of what you are going to and therefore do NOT know what steps to take (in order to evaluate intermediate results) - BUT - as long as you continue to live with him under the same roof, until then you will injure yourself every day and do it is completely conscious, turning your life into existence! further - here the point is not that you have a feeling for him - but why did it arise, what led to this? what roots and what are you really trying to get from possible relationships with him (what needs are you trying to satisfy - in warmth, trust, intimacy, support ...) while there is a violation of gender identity - this manifests itself in choosing a partner of your own gender - and you need to understand what is behind this? (and to do this, figure out how your life was built, what kind of relationship you had with your father - after all, he is your first model of a man with whom the boys identify themselves, what kind of contact was there? Was there closeness between you or an abyss - and often this is the starting point point in understanding that in such couples with such attraction, young people are trying to get what they didn’t get then! sexual relations- BUT - all this does not bring satisfaction, i.e. relationship is a surrogate for truth, it replaces real resolution and just an attempt to escape / or there is also the first sexual experience of a homosexual nature). here it is important to understand what exactly you have behind it! find the boundaries of your personality, and not dissolve in others and look for yourself outside, gain your strength, masculinity and build your own life ...

Igor, you can’t decide anything at a distance, but if you really decide to figure it out, you can feel free to contact me - call me - I will only be happy to help you!

Good answer 4 bad answer 2

Igor, you have a question: how can we, psychologists, help you? And in what? What would you like? Fall out of love with a friend, accept yourself as a homosexual, learn to love and accept yourself; understand what led to this state; learn not to smile when your heart sucks (sorry!), but to be able to show your feelings (including negative ones) ... Although you write about some steps, you still don’t understand and don’t know WHERE to move.

If you still decide to work full-time, contact me, I will be happy to help you.

Sincerely,

Good answer 3 bad answer 0

Question to the psychologist:

We have been friends with each other for 3 years. He never perceived me as a girl, just as I did not perceive him as a guy. We were, roughly speaking, brothers. This summer we became much closer, shared problems in our personal lives and so on. But suddenly the irreparable happened, and I realized that I was starting to have feelings for him. We often joke about our relationship with him, supposedly we married couple, supposedly we make love and even discuss how and where it will happen. Walking together is not a problem for us, and it can even be romantic places, we can hug, sleep together at parties (just sleep), we say to each other "I love you", but we only put a friendly context into this phrase. He thinks I'm beautiful, he told me that himself. But all this is not the same. I don’t know what to do next, I reread a bunch of advice, but they don’t fit my situation, because all these hints of something more than just friendship have already become commonplace and will not be perceived by him as serious intentions. I often give him advice regarding his relationship, supported him for a very long time after breaking up with his ex. He knows very well about all the guys who come up to me. The problem is that the line of our friendship is very blurred, because of this it is difficult for me to understand and take some steps so that he notices in me more than just a friend with whom you can chat about everything, joke dirty jokes hugging and just having fun. I really need advice on how best to present him with the information that I am in love with him and find out what he feels for me. Maybe I should move away from him, get colder. I already tried, but it's pretty hard to do when he's around. In general, I look forward to your answer, because there is no longer a person to whom I could turn.

The psychologist Shenderova Elena Sergeevna answers the question.

Hello Lily! Indeed, the boundaries in your relationship are erased, and I understand why you are afraid to voice your feelings to him, because you don’t know if he will take your words seriously. For starters, figure out exactly the boundaries of your relationship. Since the distance that now exists, firstly, destroys both your relationship with other young people, and him with other girls, since you are emotionally close more friend with a friend than with their partners. And, secondly, something incomprehensible is happening in your relationship. Therefore, first you need to deal with the distance so that you and he can respect the personal space of each (do not discuss your personal life, not sleeping together, no "romantic walks", etc.), so that both of you can understand how you both really feel for each other. After all, behind this whole game, you can actually get confused in your feelings and erase all the edges. And already, when you can maintain a distance, you can voice him about your feelings. You can also first voice your feelings to him, and explain why you want to make a clearer distance between you - after all, already now this "game" is starting to hurt you, since you no longer perceive him as a friend. And your relationship is no longer a friendship. Do not drag out and suppress your feelings, experiencing constant pain and supporting this game. Until both of you figure out the distance between you, you are unlikely to be able to figure out the feelings that you actually have for each other.

Some girls and women, with horror and inability, sometimes find that their friendship with a guy / man has gradually grown into something more, that they no longer experience friendly feelings. For what reason is this happening?

You are always together with him, he will calm and support, and feed, give advice, and will always be with you no matter what. He's like a boyfriend to you. Even better!

After another break in relations, you begin to understand that the one you needed all this time was always next to you, but you didn’t notice it.

And then the first thought that creeps into your head, the thought that it’s not just that you look at him for a long time, you miss him when he is far away, and when he is not around, you are waiting for meetings.

To make it easier for you to determine whether you yourself need such a relationship, we have identified a list of pros and cons.

Pros:

- You know each other so well that you will always hit the mark with a gift. And get what you really need.

- You have mutual friends, you feel good with each other and with them, you don’t need to introduce him to anyone and are afraid that they may not be accepted into a new company.

- You have free time that you can spend together is very important.

“There must be complete understanding between you. You can understand by one single phrase how it went with him, and he, in turn, can easily determine your mood.

- The fact that you have known him for a long time is also a very big plus. Surely with him you will have for real warm, smooth, and most importantly a long relationship.

You won't make the mistake of breaking up with former partners, because you know everything about each other's relationships.

Minuses:

- long and strong friendship limits the ability to make surprises to each other, since all this will be predictable, and interest will quickly disappear.

- When you start a relationship with a new young man, the circle of friends expands, and you make new acquaintances, which later can develop into friendship.

- Communication, common hobbies are, of course, all good, but in order for the relationship to be long and lasting, a person needs personal space, which you are losing.

- “There must be some mystery in a woman” - lines from an old song. What riddles can you talk about if you know a friend better than yourself?

- The downside in your relationship can be the fact that you know absolutely everything about him. For example: In a quarrel, without restraining yourself, you can remind him of something very offensive from his “dark” past. If he remembers the same thing, then you in response? Even small things can turn into big quarrel, and then you'll blow: "It was much better if he didn't know anything."

Why might your relationship not work out?

As a rule, friendship develops better with those with whom you have a lot in common. Romantic relationships, on the contrary, are built on the difference of interests, not the similarity of characters. Indeed, in order to understand you, you need a friend, and a guy needs to complement, they say for a reason that you need to look for a soul mate, and not your exact copy.

you fell in love with him

If you tell him everything that you feel for him, then there will be no turning back. After all, if he does not want to be with you in romantic relationship you will forever lose your friendship with him, and then you will not be able to communicate as before. Are you ready to sacrifice your friendship and lose each other forever? There are not many who managed to maintain friendly relations after parting. If you definitely decided that you are ready, then try to understand if he feels the same as you do for him, or are you still a friend in his eyes?

Your friend fell in love with you

Try to understand exactly whether he really shows his sympathy for you and shows signs of attention, or did it just seem to you? Didn't it seem right? Okay, what's it like your attitude to him? Do you also feel like you like him? Then go ahead! Not? Then you should talk, where you need to explain that you value your friendship very much and do not want to lose a friend like him. And if he strives for something more, then this will only push you away, and you will be forced to sacrifice friendship and stop any communication with him.

What should be remembered?

Everything you read about here is not a guide to action and certainly not a panacea for all ills. These are just tips. You should remember that if something has worked out for others, this is, of course, wonderful, but it’s not a fact that everything will be fine with you. And vice versa, if someone did not work out many years of friendship after a long romance, does not mean that e you will happen in the same way. Always be yourself, don't lose your head and learn to accept right decisions in all situations, which I sincerely wish you.