Are ex-boyfriends jealous of ex-girlfriends? Why does a guy make a girl jealous, why does a man cause jealousy. If a person is jealous of the past, does he love

The feeling of jealousy is known to almost every person, while it often evokes not the best associations. Jealousy brings a lot of suffering, both to the jealous person and to the object of this feeling. Often it becomes the reason for the breakdown of relations. But if jealousy towards your soulmate is still somehow explainable, then its manifestations towards strangers and former lovers look completely irrational and stupid. However, this problem exists and is not uncommon. How to deal with this?

Love is gone, but jealousy remains

First of all, you should not think that this is some kind of unique phenomenon. Collides with him great amount people, just few people have a desire to expand on this matter. Therefore, if you caught yourself thinking that personal life former second your halves are occupied with almost more than your own, know that you are not alone. One thing is for sure - it will definitely pass.

In order to better understand the nature of jealousy outside of relationships, it is necessary to identify it in terms of its causes. These include:

• Wounded pride. This reason typical for those cases when a guy or a girl is jealous of his ex-soul mate, despite the fact that they themselves left her. It would seem, what do you care about the personal life of a person who turned out to be unnecessary to you? But the very fact that he (she) has done well without you is disconcerting. And now you are already starting to follow the new acquaintances of your ex (s), deep down in your soul, resent that he (she), instead of suffering, enjoys new feelings.
• Self-doubt... In this case, thoughts often arise that the former lover (s) turned out to be in demand, quickly found a replacement for you, he is interesting, and you may now remain alone for a long time. There is a feeling of a lost opportunity, it begins to seem that he (she) was that rare case of luck, which is unlikely to happen ever again. And instead of looking for new feelings and relationships, you start digging into old ones, find more and more good in them, tormented by the fact that the ex, apparently, does not think about you at all.
• Feeling incomplete... This happens when a relationship is destroyed for some reason, it is no longer possible to restore them, but feelings for the ex (s) have not yet cooled down. In this case, it is especially painful if it is, of course, feelings, and not a manifestation of the reasons listed above. If the relationship ended before the love cooled down, then breaking it means cutting it alive. In this case, jealousy, suffering, and longing are quite natural. However, this suggests that there is no need to fight them.
• Sense of ownership... And this is, perhaps, a fairer definition of those emotions that are mistaken for jealousy. In the end, in order to be jealous, you need to experience at least something besides this, and just treat him like a person. If a guy or a girl is completely indifferent to his ex-half, does not feel any interest in her, her problems, joys, does not feel nostalgic at least occasionally, but only react when she (he) has close person then this is not jealousy, this is a possessive attitude. He can be recognized by such thoughts as: “he touches her, although no one except me has the right to do it”, “she prepares dinner for him, as I once, perhaps, pours him tea in my mug” or “every day he held this door, waiting for me to leave, and now I have to open it myself; probably now he is also trying for her, ”and so on.

No matter which of the reasons listed jealousy of the former lover is caused, it is necessary to fight with it, because:

• it spoils the mood;
• distracts from work, study;
• interferes with building personal life;
• takes time and effort completely aimlessly;
• contributes to the formation of addiction.

Under addiction in in this case one should understand the state in which one's own well-being without taking into account the state of affairs of other people becomes impossible. In other words, if the other person (for example, a former lover) is happy and happy, you can no longer fully enjoy either a new relationship or good changes in life, not anything at all. Any holiday is mixed with a bitter aftertaste: "but he is fine now, he is happy with her."

Is it possible to fight this

Of course, yes. Of course, you can wait, because sooner or later this state will pass, but it is better not to waste your energy. In addition, the pangs of jealousy, and even more so hopeless as jealousy of the ex (s), is very difficult to endure. Every extra day spent in this state is too expensive, so it's worth fighting for it.

What can be done? Tips like: “get distracted”, “go to the movies”, “read a book” in this case are simply ridiculous - this will be said by everyone who has ever suffered from jealousy of the former soul mate. You can watch a dozen films and not even remember what they are about. Before your eyes there will always be one and the same picture - former love in someone else's arms. In this case, the only effective means is the feeling. More powerful than what you have to experience now.

And we are not talking about a new love (in this state it is unlikely), but about vivid emotions, unforgettable sensations, adrenaline rush. Think for a second: now you are not connected by anyone, you can act at your own discretion without looking back at your soul mate. What you may not have been able to afford before, now you can easily do it. Much, of course, depends on the capabilities and your own character, but, as an option, it is worth considering the following scenarios:

• Go somewhere for the weekend, at least just take a walk in another city. Visit new places, take a bunch of photos, leave comments on them in social networks. It's good if you manage to get away and stay there longer.
• Try to organize some useful project... For example, find the nearest animal shelter, visit it, think about how you can help him. You can organize a fundraiser for him or the "Shelter the Beast" campaign, during which you will try to find new owners for the animals. This activity, by the way, can be so captivating that after a week you will not be able to remember what your ex looked like, let alone be jealous of him.
• Pamper yourself. Think about what you would like, what would please you. Make a wish list, including both the simplest and completely unrealizable things at first glance. Then divide the entire list into three categories: desires, tasks, dreams. This can turn out to be unexpectedly useful in more distant perspectives. After analyzing the list, try to make your wishes come true first, then think about how to solve the problems, and imagine what you could do to make your dreams come true.
• If it is difficult to do the previous options in the foreseeable future, you can show at least minimal activity: pay visits to friends and acquaintances, finally. The main thing is to spend less time alone and thinking.

There are many other things you can do to get rid of unwanted thoughts; the main thing is to follow the basic principle laid down in them: more activity, more movement, more work, up to fatigue!

What not to do

Even if none of the proposed scenarios of escape from your own jealousy suits you, moreover, you yourself have absolutely no idea what could be applied in relation to you, you can approach the problem from the other side. As already mentioned, sooner or later this problem will certainly resolve. You can take a wait-and-see attitude, especially if the jealousy is not so strong as to seriously interfere with life.

In this case, it is enough to remember a few rules that answer the question: what not to do? And not only remember, but also scrupulously follow them. Especially at first. So, you shouldn't do this:

• Do not abuse alcohol. First, you will probably start calling your ex (s), which you will later regret; secondly, you can sleep like that.
• Do not rush to look for him (her) a replacement. First, you run the risk of "grabbing anything"; secondly, from an overly active hunter, the game scatters twice as fast.
• Don't watch sad movies or listen to sad music, especially music related to your ex. First, it will not rid you of jealousy, but rather the opposite; secondly, you can violate clause 1.
• Do not inquire about your ex, do not try once again encounter common acquaintances. Avoid “well-wishers” who take the initiative and seek to tell you about him (her); if necessary, abruptly interrupt.

If possible, it is best to avoid contact with your former lover altogether. If you do not study at the same university and do not work in the same office, this is quite possible. It is necessary to understand that the burden of the past does not allow us to move on, old relationships prevent us from building new ones. Therefore, you should turn the page and only then start writing a new story.

The wife, from whom the husband leaves or left, is always very jealous. A wife who knows for sure that her husband has gone to another woman is doubly jealous. But what about the husband who left the family? What's going on this occasion in his head? Suffering wives are not always able to seek answers to this question. And a family psychologist is obliged to help respected wives in this. Right in this chapter.

Let me remind you that my book is based on the author's personal conversations with more than three thousand husbands who, for various reasons, decided to leave the family and with more than ten thousand wives who were cheated on or from whom they left. So, those three thousand wives from whom their husbands left, when interviewed during the first ten days after the husband left, thought the following about her husband's jealousy:

abandoned but not divorced wives:

- about 55% of wives whose husbands left are firmly convinced that from the moment they leave home, their husbands are completely indifferent to what their wives do, whether they meet with other men, whether they lead intimate life... (Allegedly, they would not have acted otherwise.) At the same time, counting on the return of her husband, they try not to give him a reason for jealousy;

- about 25% of wives whose husbands left are sure that they still continue to be jealous of them. Counting on reconciliation, they also try not to give their husbands any reason to be jealous;

- about 10% of wives whose husbands have left also believe that they are jealous of them. From here they seek to "punish" them in their own way and motivate them to return to their family as soon as possible by the appearance that they have another man;

- Another 10% of wives, from whom their husbands left, believe that their husbands absolutely do not care about their wives, so they do not wait for their return and try to really marry someone else.

As you can see, the situation with wives is "65 to 35". 65% of wives who have left their husbands are sure that the husbands who left do not care whether his ex-wife has another man. 35% of wives believe that a departed husband can still be jealous. I remind you that in this case we were talking about those wives from whom the husband had already left or filed for divorce, but the legal procedure for divorce had not yet taken place.

It is interesting that when the author interviewed these same abandoned wives months after her husband left (moreover, as in the case of reconciliation with her husband, and a divorce that has already taken place), the situation with female performances O male jealousy looked already in a fundamentally different way:

Assessing the presence of jealousy in their departed husbandsabandoned, reconciled or already divorced wives

- about 75% of wives, from whom their husbands left, now know for sure that their unfaithful husbands still continue to be jealous of them;

- about 25% of wives, from whom their husbands left, are sure that male jealousy for his wife completely dies out with the appearance of another woman in a man's life.

When comparing the results of the two polls, their colossal difference is striking: if among the newly abandoned women the prevailing opinion is that their husbands are no longer jealous of them - 65%, then after months no more than 25% of them remain! But if among the newly abandoned women feeling male jealousy, there were only 35%, then after months as much as 75% of abandoned wives are clearly confident that their ex-husbands are still jealous of them. Moreover, many of these 75% of women still lived separately from their departed husbands! The question is, how did they come to understand that the husbands who abandoned them are still jealous? It's very simple: because the husbands who abandoned their wives actually continued to be jealous of them, including expressing their dissatisfaction with the alleged "windiness" of their ex-wives, often making them scandals and even fights with their new men. Hence the following pattern is derived:

The more time passes after the husbands leave,

the more noticeable to wives is their jealousy.

To explain this external contradiction - these men seem to have left their wives of their own free will, thereby leaving them on their own, it would seem - why be jealous? - I invite you to recall the data of one of our surveys conducted in Chapter 3 “Why husbands leave the family and why they come back”. Where at least 55%, that is, more than half of all husbands who left the family, directly declare that they continue to sincerely love their wives and children! Therefore, they may well suffer and be jealous. The author himself is convinced that if you let down the traditional male bravado a little, then after leaving the family, at least 80% of all men continue to sincerely love their wives and children. The only exceptions are complete egoists and alcoholics.

If you ask me: “So why the hell are these husbands jealous if they themselves cheat and leave their families, and at the same time continue to love their wives and children ?! Some kind of nonsense turns out ... ". I confirm to you: complete absurdity is really going on in the heads of the departed husbands. For example, according to my polls:

More than 70% of husbands who left the family continue to believe that

that their relationship with his wife should remain family.

They will still have the right to have sex with their wife,

to come home whenever they want, to demand an account from the wife.

How do you given statistics? Impressive, isn't it? For me, as a practice, this described male approach, to put it mildly, is naive. True, husbands leaving their wives themselves do not think so. Thousands of times I heard the same song from them: “So what if I left ... I didn’t stop loving my wife and child because of this! Yes, I really love them very much. It's just not comfortable for me to live with my wife. Therefore, I went to the woman whom I love less, but with whom I have better understanding, better sex, less mutual claims. So, in this case, I kind of live in two families. I will give money to everyone: ex-wife, child and new woman... I will not rush to divorce, since I do not really need it. Let's live on and see when and how to do it. Some of my things may remain with my wife for now. I can also come there, as before. Yes, and sometimes I can sleep there too. After all, this is also my hometown, my family, I will always help them. Moreover, my wife clearly needs sex in my absence. Here she will receive it from me sometimes. Maybe even more often than it was in our family in last years or months. Besides, as a father, I am responsible for the child. Therefore, I will not allow and will not allow my wife to take some other man to our apartment. Or so that she roam about somewhere, and the child was unattended ... ".

Something like this, many departed husbands express their position. It seems incredibly thoughtful and logical to them. By analogy with long time conducted by the United Nations international program on trade with Iraq and Iran "Oil for food", this scheme male behavior I call it: “Sex, access to the apartment and control over ex-wife in exchange for material assistance. " As already stated above, this masculine position itself is fundamentally erroneous. She breaks down pretty quickly on the reality of life and female behavior after divorce. It is at the moment of its collapse that a seemingly inappropriate, but such wild male jealousy of a deceived owner arises, which wives face, from whom husbands leave. Accordingly, as in many systems of kung fu and karate, our task is to use the approaches and actions of the enemy against him, the jealousy of the departed husband - to restore the family.

Let me remind you that in Chapter 9, “A Happy“ Dozen ”for Wives and Mistresses," we already noted that cheating husbands are immediately jealous of both their mistress and their wife. Hence, it is obvious: to whom more jealousy will be shown during the period of the husband's departure from the family, that woman will cause most attention at this man! Further it is already easier, because we have already said:

It is not far from attention to understanding.

It is not far from understanding to embracing.

From hugging close to living together.

The main problem with jealousy is that wives are usually older than mistresses, worn out by the eternal life, look worse, they have children, which significantly reduces the likelihood that some other man will take her for himself. But the mistress is usually younger, she has better figure, she is generally more attractive, she rarely has children. Therefore, the risk that some other man will take her for himself is much higher! The question is: how, under such conditions, can we not only increase the husband's interest in his abandoned wife, but also speed up his return home? The answer will be in how-tos.

First. Remember what jealousy is and how it works. Jealousy is a powerful biologically given to every living being. negative feeling aimed at members of the opposite sex in order to reduce the likelihood of competition with members of the same sex. She works in the interest of procreation. The task of jealousy is to ensure both the possibility of an intimate relationship with someone who suits you as a sexual partner, and further interaction in the interests of raising children born from this relationship. Jealousy makes us strive to always be close to a sexual partner, interfere with his / her communication with other people, help them and transfer material values ​​to them.

The main reason for jealousy is the assumption or belief that

what is a sexually and / or materially attractive person for us

there may be intimate relationship with someone else.

Jealousy is a consequence of our lack of confidence that the person important to us is sexually faithful to us. Accordingly, the jealousy of the departed husband towards you will manifest and intensify only if:

- you yourself will not run after your husband and be jealous of him for another woman;

- you will be perceived by him as a sexual object;

- if you make it difficult for him to access you and your body, force your husband to overcome various difficulties;

- you can make him suspect you that you may have an alternative partner;

- if you find yourself really interesting sexual partner;

- reduce the degree of your dependence on your husband.

How to implement it correctly in life? Let's go in order.

Second. Don't show your jealousy for your departed husband. Jealousy is a very powerful feeling, it gives a tremendous amount of energy. Therefore, it is completely wrong to get rid of your own jealousy and worries about the fact that your husband has someone. She is the necessary fuel for your vital activity in a difficult life situation. And if we get rid of your jealousy of your departed husband, we will automatically get rid of the husband himself. If we cannot keep a decent husband near us and lose him in a divorce, then in the future it will also be difficult for us to keep someone else next to us. standing man: from now on, we will be doomed to attract mainly losers. So, be jealous of your husband, jealous and jealous again. However, jealousy and the manifestation of this in their behavior are not the same thing! If one should agree with the first, then with the second - no, and again no!

Hence, if your husband leaves you, during your subsequent scheduled and unscheduled meetings, you absolutely must not cry and sob. Also, you should not find out for whom your husband exchanged you and what other woman is better than you. With this formulation of the question, you will only hear from your husband (who is temporarily in a state of euphoria from communicating with another) a lot of negativity in your address. Of course, negativity is also useful, since it allows you to realistically assess your pros and cons, but not at the moment when this information hurts your pride and it can make you lose heart. So I do not advise you to engage in such inquiries.

In general, try to completely exclude the topic of another woman in your communication with your departed husband. Talk about anything but her. Understand: the mistress is clearly several times a day asking your husband how you endure all this. Telling her how much you worry and cry or even insult the "unfaithful and cheating", your husband not only cheers up his mistress, but also puffs up from the realization of his own importance. His price keeps growing and growing, but in his eyes you are all blown away and blown away. The question is: would he, such a Great One, then return to you, such a trifle ?! Of course no!

If, on the questions of your mistress, ex-husband will laconically inform you that you are behaving completely calmly, immediately there are three useful consequences for you. Firstly, his mistress will begin to doubt the sincerity of your husband regarding the transfer of information to them about how he communicates with his wife, that is, with you. She may think: “Something my man doesn’t tell me… It cannot be that his wife took and just let him go… Maybe they still communicate well, he just doesn’t tell me this? We ought to take a closer look at him ... Otherwise, he will throw out the trick, go back to his wife in a month or two ... ". The increased control on the part of the mistress over the behavior of the departed husband will make him angry that, having left his wife, he not only did not receive the desired freedom, but, on the contrary, even lost the remnants of the latter. His phone is being read again, his chats on social networks too. Etc. etc. A very calmly behaving wife against this background will seem white and fluffy. Which is exactly what we need.

Secondly, hearing from her man about the strange passivity of his wife, who does not cry and does not scandal, a smart lover may wonder: is her chosen one stolen from the family really a reliable option? After all, for good men wives literally hold on with both hands ... And here everything is so simple. Maybe there is some kind of catch hidden in the man? Is he a coded alcoholic or drug addict, or cannot have children, or a disgusting father, or is extremely dependent on the opinion of his parents, or is he completely mismanaged, or a parasite? In general, there is something to think about. Therefore, smart lovers can make a mistake and start trying to check as quickly and thoroughly as possible. consumer qualities his new acquisition: forcing a man to do housework, reducing his drinking, asking him more carefully about the past, etc. As a result, this can also lead to a certain increase in tension in their relationship. And the spiritual comfort in dealing with his mistress will wane.

Thirdly, a proud man may be outraged: “How is it, after so many years of our family life, when I earned money, helped in raising children, now they don't value me ?! Amazing and outrageous! It feels like it’s not me who is leaving my wife, but she herself is happy to be freed from me! ” After that, many men fundamentally set themselves the task of ensuring that everyone worries about his departure from the family. Roughly the same pattern when a child wants to die for fun in order to see how everyone cries for him. For this, the departed husband urgently needs to become for all members of the abandoned family. good husband and the perfect dad. To achieve this, a man begins to help his abandoned wife in every possible way in solving any domestic and other problems. He tries to establish contact with children and relatives of his wife.

This effort for an intelligent wife can and should be supported. In any case, never refuse a departed husband when he is actually trying to help in something. Let him spend his time and efforts on this, which he could spend on his mistress. Let him spend all his on it free time, all those evenings and weekends that before that, when he was still living in the family, he gave to the homeless woman. This is how we turn the situation around, making the husband that has left him unexpectedly attractive to him that he used to push off and run away from.

The husband who left his wife for his mistress can be returned to the family

only when the wife and mistress switch places.

In itself, this desperate childish desire of a departed husband to arouse regret and jealousy in his wife, provoke rage, jealousy and indignation in his mistress. Now it is no longer a wife, but she will be nervous in the evenings in an empty apartment, asking her man where he disappeared and what he was doing. The top of our success will be the achievement of such a result when the husband who left the family begins to lie to his mistress that he was engaged in some important matters, while he himself at this time communicated with his wife and / or child. If you achieve this, then you will definitely get your husband back.

Third. Change your husband's perception of you. This has already been said in the chapter "Changing the Image of a Wife in the Absence of a Husband". So I will not repeat myself. Just once again I draw your attention: in order for your departed husband to become jealous of you, he must begin to perceive you as a woman who can turn out to be a tasty morsel for another man. And a tasty morsel not for one evening and not for one night. This is exactly what big mistake those wives who, after their husband leaves, instead of losing weight and getting leaner, shaking up their wardrobe and becoming more interesting, they wear a mini-skirt and a blouse with a neckline, and then go to the nearest bar or barbecue to urgently find a partner there. Expecting that the husband will find out about this, he will become jealous and immediately come running back. Of course, there are also some not the most intelligent men who will immediately do so. But for most men, this will only cause a smile or outright disgust. After all, they understand that this behavior is nothing more than an act of despair. They also realize that, without changing radically, no one will need a wife anyway. The usual scheme works here:

If we do not need something ourselves, no one needs it.

What no one needs - most likely, we do not need either.

Therefore, to motivate your departed husband to be jealous, first motivate other men to desire. But not a cheap one-time feigned sex appeal, but a real improvement in your image as a woman. Let it take weeks - be sure to do it and become happy and confident. If you make yourself happy, you will automatically make your departed husband unhappy. And since no one wants to be unhappy, he will certainly begin to be jealous of you and will try to return to you. Here it is important for you not to make a mistake and clearly follow all further instructions in this book.

Fourth. Do not try to seduce your departed husband if your reconciliation has not yet taken place! Calling those wives who have lost their husbands because they pushed them away in the sphere of intimacy, to a radical increase in their sexuality, I nevertheless advise you not to stoop to humiliation and slavish groveling in front of a cheater or a fugitive. Of course, you have to improve your figure and character, update your wardrobe, look sexy at home. But this does not mean at all that you should try with all your might to drag the departed husband into the family bedroom. No and no again! Getting in the period of acute family conflict intimacy solely on your initiative, most husbands will think that you are mentally broken and ready to go to any humiliation, just to save your husband, his wallet or apartment. As you can imagine, this position is not the best best platform for communication and reconciliation. Yes, and no one will particularly respect you for such behavior, even if you show the wonders of an intimate extravaganza. Therefore, while improving your sexuality, demonstrating it when meeting with your departed husband, do not try to seduce him! Let all initiatives to flirt come from him. And you stop him until he begins to take concrete steps towards reconciliation. And now, only in this case, show him everything that you have become capable of after your intimate modernization. Well, so that you can see your husband more often and tease him with yourself, consider the next point.

Fifth. Do not force your husband to completely remove his belongings from the apartment. Many wives, being beside themselves with the departure of their husbands to another woman, first of all force him to complete and final removal of their belongings. Thus, they expect to hurt him morally and create inconveniences for the one to whom he will have to transport all this. However, these goals often remain unattained. First, forcing the husband to take things out, as it were, shows him that the wife herself finally excludes the possibility of reconciliation. Thus, taking the blame for the final destruction of the family on themselves. Secondly, it plays into the hands of the mistress, who only sings with happiness, seeing that the man of her dreams is finally moving to her with all the things: after all, this clear sign the fact that the man will not return home. Thirdly, what is most important for us is that the wife loses the technical ability not only to regularly see her husband, but to clearly demonstrate to him the dynamics of her positive changes. Especially if the couple has no children and the departed husband has no one to meet on weekends.

If at least some of the husband's things are kept under the control of his wife, he will sometimes go for them. The wife, having mastered her desire to cut everything into pieces and flush it down the toilet, can carefully wash and iron everything, prepare it for use. Including the clothes in which her husband will come to her. With washing machine with drying - it is technically not difficult. Thus, the husband will clearly see what kind of wife is good hostess how warmly she treats him. Warmth - in the truest sense of the word, from things warmed up by an iron and hot tea with buns. The mistress will be furious, seeing what a clean and smoothed husband comes from his ex-wife. The husband will also be able to see the abandoned wife in a sexy home form. He will be jealous of the thought that such a treasure could belong to someone else. Therefore, I definitely insist that it is not necessary to expel your husband with things, as this will seriously reduce your ability to make him jealous. However, the preservation of some of the husband's belongings in the family home he has abandoned does not mean that he can get into it when he pleases! More on this below.

Sixth. Make it harder for a departed husband to access his ex family home. According to my surveys, husbands who left the family are especially annoying and jealous of the inability to easily come to their former house... More than 80% of the men I interviewed indicated that when they left their wives, they always left the keys for themselves. Or even if indicatively they left them to their wife, in fact, they made duplicates for themselves some time before. The question is, why? For different things. Some honestly told me that they wanted to keep an eye on their wife, periodically check: she does not take other people's men to her house at night. Others simply rudely declared that everything in the world should revolve around them: “I want to come and I will do it whenever I want - even at night, even drunk!”. Still others reported that they were worried about their wife and children: suddenly the tap would burst, a fire would start, the wife would try to commit suicide, something would happen to the child, and the wife would be at work, etc. Others confidentially told that they very much like sometimes to secretly do good deeds: tossing bags with groceries home, putting money on the wife's bedside table, bringing the child into the bedroom Stuffed Toys... The author is not against kindness and care. After all, the ability to do this is one of the few joys of this life.

The most pleasant thing in life is to do the pleasant

to pleasant people and to hear pleasant words from them!

Another thing is that even the right to do things pleasant to others must be earned. It's about the same when your husband, even before the start of your intimate relationship, first established a trusting personal relationship with you, just chatted with you for several evenings about this and that, and only then began to give flowers and sweets. Here and in this case: wishing to arouse the jealousy of the departed husband, simultaneously with the improvement of your appearance and figure, you must abruptly and backhand cross out his illusions that after leaving for his mistress, everything in his life will radically change in better side, and the abandoned wife will remain the same. At the same time, he will still control her. It was not so! The best way for this it is unexpected for the husband to change the locks in your apartment. Pick up a screwdriver, unscrew the four screws, pull out the lock cylinder and go with it to the nearest lock store. Pick up a similar new larva, replace it in the lock, re-tighten the four screws and make the keys on the key chains for children and your parents. All this is a matter for a maximum of two to three hours. But the consequences can be for life. The lock larvae are usually inexpensive; dad, brother or even an economic neighbor can help unscrew the screws.

Changing the locks on the door after the husband leaves -

logical consequence of the fact that the husband

destroyed the sand castle himself family happiness.

Faced with the fact that his key no longer fits the lock, many departed husbands aggressively demand an explanation. They even indicate that the divorce has not yet taken place, the division of property has not been carried out, and his registration is in this particular apartment. Meanwhile, the correct answer to such a husband is simple. The husband now lives with another woman! Maybe even with her family members. All these are strangers for the ex-wife and child. And how they have there with the issue of personal hygiene is not clear. And there is nothing for the escaped husband to spread the possible infection, using the towels of his wife and child in their absence. And the new environment of the departed husband is not family friends at all. However, these strangers now always have access to the husband's keys. His address former apartment they know. The wife's work schedule is the same. Duplicate keys are even easier than changing the lock cylinder. If the mistress of her husband or someone from her entourage suddenly wants to rob his wife, or spoil her things in the heat of the moment, they have full technical capability for this. Yes, and the departed husband himself suddenly wants to take out half of the apartment in the absence of his wife, and no one can even tell him anything about this regrettable occasion. Because at this time no one will be at home ...

Everything described happens in life all the time. It even happens that drunken and embittered ex-husbands enter the apartments of their ex-wives many years after the divorce, beat and kill them. Hope you don't need this. By the way, this argumentation is usually enough for the sane majority of departed husbands, and they calm down. Calm down outwardly. In practice, many then begin to fight for the restoration of legal access to the keys from the former apartment as if they were the keys to paradise. Most often they fight out of jealousy. Since they still begin to suspect the wife that she has made herself a lover. Again, what you and I need! To check their suspicions, they have two main ways: either to guard in the evenings at the entrance, or to suddenly come to visit. The latter option is more correct, but it is not customary to come to visit empty-handed. Here we move on to the next point.

Seventh. Let her husband visit, not allow sex! If your husband who left you, having lost the right of free access to the apartment, tries to be good - this should only be welcomed. Just keep in mind: A husband who comes from time to time should always see an exemplary apartment, an interesting and modernly dressed wife and children, delicious food and a sweet dessert. If the apartment is untidy and not well-groomed, if there is an armful of stale linen in the bathroom, and if there is a mountain of unwashed dishes in the kitchen, the departed husband will think to himself three times: “It's so good that I left this slob and bummer!”. And it will only strengthen in the thought that there can be no question of any return!

Getting into a woman's apartment is equal to having sex with her.

Some of my clients even joked about it: "If you entered an apartment, you will enter its owner as well." That is, in their opinion, if an abandoned wife lets her visit, then she is clearly tuned in to sex. Further in my head too sly men the same egoistic picture is built that I have already described: “I live with my mistress, I financially help her and my wife and children, I communicate with both women and children, I have sex with my wife and my mistress. Everyone loves me, everyone wants me, everyone is waiting for me! I'm just a king! " Unfortunately, many abandoned wives accept this sex-for-food scheme. They don't know that the pattern is as follows:

The faster after the departure of the husband, the couple recovered

intimate relationships without formal reconciliation,

themes less chance wives to restore family relations.

That is, receiving sex and attention from his ex-wife, but already deprived of the need to deal with problems in everyday life and children, to hide his adventures, the departed husband completely loses grounds for jealousy. Thereby, and the grounds for returning to the family home. Everything is fine with him, but what is going on in the soul of his wife is no longer important for him. The main thing is that the usual body is available.

If there is access to the body, the alien soul is of little interest.

So the whole problematic situation with the departure of the husband is stabilized and preserved, it can last for years, not moving either towards the mistress or towards the wife. It is very beneficial for a man. He does not marry his mistress, because he is lying to her that his wife does not give a divorce: she allegedly blackmails him either with the threat of suicide, or with possible negative behavior of the children. Zhenya says that he does not divorce her because he loves her and the children. As a result, we get polygamy. Two wives, sex with both, both feed and drink, have children. A real man's paradise.

Many wives told me that this situation suits them too. Formally married. Children grow up in marriage. Sex happens periodically. Material help turns out. He does not marry his mistress, which pleases the female pride. That's nice ... It is difficult for such wives to convey the simple idea that:

Any balance, even the most stable one, is once upset.

This can happen in different ways. Either the mistress will realize what's what and after a year or two of such a life she will decide on pregnancy from a formally married man. Then the departed husband will still be forced to divorce and after the birth of another child, objectively, he will begin to communicate less with his former family. Or another option: in three to five years, when the departed husband is tired of both his wife and his mistress, he will fall in love with some third girl who will be younger than both his wife and his mistress. Here she will get pregnant from him, and he will marry her. With a nose, or rather with two noses, both the wife and the mistress will remain at once. That is why they will laugh at each other and at themselves and cry ... They will also make up!

But the most important thing is that when the balance of power collapses and the wife is effectively and legally left alone, she can already go beyond the age when it is easy for her to marry and give birth to a child to another husband. This very line, separating female demand from lack of demand, according to the law of meanness, is extremely small: two-three-five years. Often these are the very years that the wife lived in limbo, being used by the departed husband in every sense of the word. Meanwhile, now twice the ex-husband still does not lose anything: a man is able to start a family and conceive children at 45, 50, and even at 60! And here, from the position of a woman, it is better, after six months of uncertainty, to file for divorce and either cause a surge of jealousy in her husband and motivate him to return, or have time to create new marriage with another man and give birth to more children already in the status of his legal wife.

That is why the fact of absence or presence of intimacy between a departed husband and his wife is so important. If the wife actively improves her figure, changes her image and wardrobe, she will be a good housewife, great mom and a pleasant companion, and at the same time will still provide intimate services to the departed husband, she can return him, but the likelihood of this will be small. Rather a man feel himself master of the situation and will try to fix this situation for many years. If this perfect wife will directly deny her husband hinting at sex, pointing out that it is completely illogical to do this, since the husband himself refused her by filing for divorce or simply collecting his things and leaving for his mistress - this will definitely cause resentment and jealousy in his mind! Especially if you say that, unlike your husband's mistress, you are a decent girl who sleep with married man(that is, with your husband, now living with his mistress) is definitely not going to.

If your husband has already filed for divorce, declare that sex is out of the question until he takes him back. If you filed for divorce yourself, tell him that his behavior has not yet motivated you to take him back. Oh, and then your unfaithful husband will boil, like an old Soviet teapot with a whistle! So his whistle will be the envy of the well-known mountain crayfish from the proverb. After all, everyone knows: Most of all we want what is inaccessible, what is not in our power, for which we do not have enough money! It is the acute and principled desire to sexually possess such an unapproachable wife, according to my observations, that makes the departed husbands do strange things: stealthily from their mistresses, they start inviting their ex-wives to the cinema and cafes, walking with them in the evenings. Even kissing them in doorways and cars. In general, to do with them what is simply unnecessary and senseless to do with those wives who accept all the rules men's games, including the rule "let me into the apartment - be good, let it be in yourself."

I remind you for the inattentive: First of all, women of three categories can allow themselves the luxury of categorically denying a departed husband sex as a tool to motivate him to return to the family:

- the one who looks luxurious, or has become so after the departure of her husband;

- the one with whom the husband had great sex even before he left the family, or the one who revised his conservative views and is already definitely ready to please and surprise her husband during a sex marathon in the future;

- a wife with a stable income, or accumulated money or regular help from relatives. This allows her to avoid the need to sexually sell herself to her husband in exchange for subsidies for some time.

When this strategy works and the modernized wife is able to attract her husband to her, and he begins to make erotic hints to her, I advise you to torture him until he starts spending so much time with you (and the children) that this should obviously start to cause discontent at the mistress. Only in this case, as a long-awaited bonus, you can give him sex. And be sure to make it unforgettable for your husband. Raise his self-esteem, prove your complete sexual compatibility: portray as many orgasms as your neighbors can withstand until they start banging on the wall. Themselves suggest those poses and types of intimacy that are so sweet to him ... no, not to his heart, but rather to pepper. Then he will be pleased, and so will you. You look and there will be the prospect of restoring the family.

Then you continue to play not according to him, but according to our rules. To demonstrate your phenomenal sexual performance or lure your husband to your house during the day, while you are alone at home. Or you go to bed with him very late at night, when the children are already asleep. Or offer to call in to you on the weekend, when the children are with their grandmother. In general, the task is to get your husband to start lying to his mistress. That is, to turn the situation around the other way around: now he is no longer striving for it (especially since now, with cohabitation, sex with her is already becoming a routine family), but to you. And let him lie, lie, lie ... About the delay at work, about the crazy boss, about business trips, about helping friends. And about all that stuff that you yourself heard enough from him, while he ran from you to his mistress. As soon as he begins to deceive the one for which he once deceived you, your victory is already close. But this is not a reason to relax. We work further.

Eighth. Make your husband jealous, but do not outright betrayal! The practice of my work and surveys of men unambiguously indicate that husbands during the period family crises and parting they cannot forgive their wives for only one thing - frank betrayals. That is why they should not be. Until the legalization of the divorce, in no case should you bring another man into the house, ride him in your car, let him ride it, show yourself with him in public places.

I understand that many of my readers may now be indignant: “How so ?! It is possible for a man, but not for us ?! It's damn male chauvinism and pure water gender inequality! " My answer is: “Dear ladies! Let me remind you that this book is not a divorce guide! It was written in order to save families in crisis! Moreover, the author directly says in it that women should be smarter than men. Since there is very little hope for the rationality of the latter! Hence, I beg you to be patient for a while. Not years, but some time! So that you never fall to blame for destroying your family. I really don't want you to go through such, unfortunately, a very common situation when a wife, seeing the hesitations of her departed husband, starts a real flirtation. Especially for the husband to see that there is a demand for his wife. But it is precisely because of this that the husband in the heat of the moment still files for divorce ... Or he complains about the unworthy behavior of his wife to his mistress, and she, not being a fool, winds it up so competently that the husband in the heat can still raise his hand against his wife. As a result, a scandal to the ceiling, the chances of reconciliation between spouses are lost, divorce and division of property are carried out in an acute conflict ... And all because of the wife's neglect of elementary precautions when working with such explosives as jealousy. "

In general, do not rush to create real new relationships! Let's just play for a few weeks or months, while the husband comes to his senses from his own courage or stupidity. Not for treason, but for possible treason. What, as you understand, is far from the same thing. This is implemented in an elementary way:

- You periodically do not pick up your mobile phone when your deceased husband calls. Call back in fifteen minutes, in a very positive voice, inform you that you just did not hear. And you chat with him as if nothing happened.

- You periodically drop the call of your departed husband and write him standard SMS: "Sorry, I can't speak yet!" Again, call back in five to ten minutes and say that you spoke at that time on the second phone. Eh, during this time your husband will think so much about you! And then he will ask you: "What kind of second phone ?!" And you will proudly answer: “But what difference does it make to you, dear! This is no longer your question! Ask your passion for a report. "

- Actually get yourself a second mobile phone or a phone with two SIM cards. And tell your husband: supposedly for work matters. Or for guaranteed communication with children or elderly parents, who may need help at any moment, and at times it is difficult to get through to you. This is all logical and understandable, but my husband's jealousy still blazes!

- Then, when your departed husband is visiting you, put your passport out of your bag in front of his eyes. Tell him that you have been invited to a seaside resort, and now you are thinking: to go or not. Called unmarried girlfriend... But do not specify which one. If your husband, out of jealousy, offers you to go with you, and even pay for the trip, immediately agree. Pick up such a tour urgently and book. Tell your husband that, having learned about him, your friend refused to go. But on the other hand, you yourself and the child will gladly do this with him. Let the mistress worry about this. If, on vacation, you behave reasonably and guarantee your husband daily passionate sex, your chances of getting him back on your return from the tour will be extremely high.

- Exactly according to the same scheme, you can go on weekends to some recreation center with your child. In any case, the husband may begin to assume that you met with someone there. So let him worry: but you can't sew suspicion to the case.

- Then, when the departed husband is visiting you, from a pre-wired second phone hidden in the bathroom and vaguely recorded in your regular phone as "Alexey is a colleague", send yourself an SMS with a peaceful content: "I am sure that tomorrow you have everything it will work out! ". You can either read it out loud in front of your husband, or create a situation where he gets into your phone while you are in the kitchen. Explain to your husband that tomorrow you have a report at a meeting or a planning meeting, so you are morally supported. It's nothing personal, it's work. Do not forget to set the SMS volume to maximum on your phone, and turn off the sound and vibration on the phone from which you are sending suspicious SMS. Otherwise, it will be laughing if your husband immediately calls this mythical Alexei, and your phone in the bathroom treacherously rings or vibrates ...

- When the departed husband is visiting you, obviously in the evening, you can put your mobile phone somewhere in plain sight, and call it yourself from the second phone hidden in the bathroom or bedroom. In this case, the second phone number in the first one must also be recorded indefinitely, such as “Colleague”, “Leading specialist”, “Deputy director”, “Supplier”, “VIP-client”, etc. Then run up to the phone and, taking it, leave to talk back to the same bathroom or bedroom. Then return to your husband, saying that you were invited to a cafe or cinema, or even to visit. But you, of course, courageously refused: after all, firstly, you are not like that, and secondly, your husband is visiting you.

- If you have a child over ten years old, sometimes do not tell your son or daughter where you went in the afternoon or evening. And you can generally go to your parents. If at this time the departed husband calls you, do not pick up the phone. Having lost you, most likely, he will call the child. But even the child will not clarify the situation for him, only by letting in the fog of uncertainty. That's when your husband gets jealous. Then, of course, it turns out that nothing seditious has happened, but the husband will still be on his guard.

- On the day when your husband is likely to visit you (for example, on the weekend, when the husband comes to communicate with the child), buy yourself big bouquet flowers. Bring it home and place it in a vase in full view. Answer your husband's questions about what you gave at work. If you see that your husband is hooked, after a couple of weeks order a flower delivery company to bring you a bouquet just when your husband is visiting you. Let a postcard be attached to the bouquet, from which it will become clear that the bouquet is from your friends. Text: "Dear friend, do not be sad, we are with you!" Or supposedly from colleagues, your customers or suppliers, for some kind of labor merit. It seems that this is also not a reason for jealousy, but they will still be jealous of you anyway.

- Buy a regular vibrator or dildo in any sex shop. Place it at home so your husband can find it. To his puzzled question “Why?”, Answer something like this: “Darling, you have someone to have sex with. But for me - no. I don't run around men. Somehow I need to solve this problem. That's how I decide ... ". In this case, the unfaithful husband will immediately experience a gamut of conflicting feelings. On the one hand, there is a feeling of gratitude to his wife that she leaves him without horns for now. On the other hand, there is a feeling of shame that, once experiencing a lack of intimacy in the family, he himself went easy way and got himself a mistress. With the third, the husband will begin to understand that in a couple of weeks or months and an abandoned wife can go from a piece of rubber to real erotic adventures. Moreover, the wife's sexuality itself has clearly grown. So it's worth considering: isn't it time to try to get everything back before her betrayal happened ...

- Start regularly wearing stockings (of course, not in cold weather), which in their color look like tights. Encourage your departed husband to notice. When he asked about the reasons for this phenomenon, inform him on a daily basis that you were on a sale, where stockings were twice as cheap as pantyhose. That is why you wear it ... The husband will still suspect unkindness, but he will not have formal reasons for claims against you.

- During one of your meetings, tell your husband that when you walk home from a bus stop (metro station, parking lot, etc.), some unknown man regularly tries to stick to you and offers to meet you. Moreover, he seems to be decent-looking, he looks good, he has an expensive car ... Nevertheless, while the divorce has not yet taken place, you do not need it ... Therefore, if the husband could accompany his wife home for two or three evenings in a row, perhaps that man I would understand that my wife was not alone and would not bother me anymore. If your husband shows jealousy and care, agrees to this step of goodwill, your task is to look great these days and feed your husband a delicious dinner. Decide on intimate stimulation according to the situation. What these days your husband will tell his mistress about his evening employment, let it be his personal business.

- You can also tell your departed husband that you have hired two new employees - young unmarried men... Moreover, one of them has already begun to show signs of attention to your friend ... The husband will quickly calculate in his head that according to the same scheme the second new employee can begin to look after you already ... And then the husband gets nervous.

In all these cases, the husband's jealousy will be awakened and there will be no reason to believe that you have someone either. But there will be an acute desire not to allow such a beautiful woman went to someone else.

In general, do not sit at home and be sad! They do not want to be sad, they want to be cheerful, smiling and active. Visit cinemas, bowling alleys, children's playgrounds and just shopping and entertainment centers with your child or girlfriends. At the same time, your reputation will remain unblemished, but your husband will always think that someone can get to know you at any time ... So let him strive to eliminate this danger by coming to visit you more often. By himself inventing and organizing such cultural program where his jealousy will be silent, if only because only he will be near.

Ninth. Work on social media. As soon as you put your figure in order and shake up your wardrobe, you can hire a professional photographer and conduct a high-quality photo session. The word "quality" is not at all synonymous with the word "erotic", but this does not exclude the presence of several photos that reveal you as interesting woman... Throw away from your social networks (and it is desirable that you are registered in at least three of them) all your old photos, especially with your husband who has changed or left you. Because the effect of adding your new photos to dozens of past ones is equivalent to adding a spoonful of honey to a barrel of ointment: they will simply be lost there. And if you have social network there will be only five photos, but first-class, it will start to strain your husband mentally. Especially if you change your status from “married” to “not married”, “free”, “divorced”, “in active search", Etc., depending on the set of statuses that the social network itself offers.

The last tip, among other things, will activate your potential virtual boyfriends and grooms. Seeing how wonderful you are, strangers will start flirting with you. Accepting them as friends, you again make your husband jealous, and you yourself increase your self-esteem. Meanwhile, this is very important:

Runaway husbands return primarily to those wives

who respect themselves. The lady who doesn't value herself

as a woman, she will always be unhappy in marriage or alone.

If your runaway husband begins to show any dissatisfaction, you can always tell him with a sweet smile: “Sorry, dear, but you left me! Now I am an unmarried woman, lonely, so I live as I want. I also communicate how I want and with whom I want. When you come back, there will be a different conversation. Until then, just don't stick your nose where you shouldn't! I don’t ask you how you’re doing with your girlfriend, so you don’t interfere with my life and arrange my personal life. It has not yet been arranged in any way. However, one day all this may change. And then I will feed someone else with a delicious dinner at home. Someone who deserves me! Someone who needs me. Nature, as you know, does not tolerate emptiness ... You yourself wanted this when you left me ... ". Your husband will have nothing to reply to this, except for incoherent muttering that he still loves and helps financially. Serves him right!

- Knowing in which social network your husband is registered, at a friend's house or at work (so that the IP address of the computer is not yours), create a personal page for a certain man invented by you. It is desirable that every divorced woman would dream of. Put someone else's photo, name, surname, year of birth and profession write yourself. Then write on behalf of this non-existent person to your husband something like this: “Dear Nikolai / Alexander / Oleg, etc. You and I are strangers personally, but we have mutual friends... Therefore, in order not to risk in vain and not to quarrel ahead of time, I write on the Internet, and do not meet in person. I apologize immediately for that. The fact is that in ours with you general circle there was a rumor that you left your wife and filed for divorce. I also know your esteemed wife; I have always liked her very much. Of course, knowing that she was married to you, I never showed my attention to her. Now, if you don't mind, and you actually had a divorce, probably such attempts to get closer to Maria / Natalia / Oksana, etc. I will try to undertake. Suddenly something will work out for us. After all, she is very beautiful woman, smart and well-mannered, she deserves family happiness. But out of respect for you, as I said, everything happened only if you actually left her forever and went through a divorce. If anything, don't worry about your child, I will raise him / her as my own. So I ask you to clarify this for me. Is your wife free or not? If you can, answer me at my address. If you plan to return to her, I will not bother her and you. "

You can't even imagine what emotions of jealousy are experienced by departed husbands who have received such "letters of happiness"! This forces some people to return to their wife in the very near future. As they say in one famous folk tale: "On closer examination, such a cow turned out to be necessary for himself." Especially if instead of yesterday's "cow", after improving your figure, we have already turned out to be a very decent heifer ...

- Instead of this letter, you can write in another way: “Dear Nikolai / Alexander / Oleg, etc. We are with you good friends, but I am writing anonymously so that you will not quarrel with me in the heat of the moment. I apologize immediately for that. The fact is that in our common circle there was a rumor that you left your wife and filed for divorce. My friends and I are all saddened by this. Your wife is a very beautiful woman, intelligent and well-mannered, she suits you well. It seems to us that you were in a hurry with your decision. We are already seeing how one of her colleagues began to achieve it. He - normal man, divorced, with an apartment and a car. Make sure that you do not lose her, otherwise you will bite your elbows later. Bring everything back while she herself, as everyone can see, worries about your departure. After a while, she will calm down, start dating and you will lose her. We are all sure that you don’t need this ... Think for yourself! ”. This text also works, although slightly less than the previous one. Choose for yourself what you like best.

When your self-esteem and mood improve from all these actions, you can do some more creativity on the next point.

Tenth. Do not overdo it with reasons for jealousy! Let me remind you of the title of this chapter: "Husband's jealousy as a tool to preserve the family." Jealousy is a tool. And as with any tool, it should be handled with extreme caution! In order not to hurt yourself, not to complicate your already difficult life. The most important thing is not to let your husband decide that you started to lead an intimate life with someone even before the official divorce, not to let him know specific names, surnames, phone numbers or pages on social networks. Of course, the jealousy of the departed husband is not fair, since he himself went to the woman with whom he obviously not only watches TV. But the practice of family psychology often shows: dishonest and wrong are not at all the same thing. Personal and / or intimate self-restraint of an abandoned wife when the departed husband is enjoying the joys of life with might and main is dishonest. But my task is to predict the future, to calculate possible risks... And here I know very well that husbands who eventually returned to that wife of theirs, who actually had an intimate relationship with someone else during the period of their husband's departure, almost never forgive and do not forget! That is, they continue to be jealous, nervous and express their acute dissatisfaction about this, even months and years after the family has recovered. That does not exactly add to the strength of their family.

So when making sense of the past family events a dangerous bias arises in the husband's head: the mistress to whom he left remains good, because she did not cheat, but the wife, unfortunately, turns out to have a tarnished reputation. Moreover, both the mistress and the wife herself can step on this sore corn of the husband, if she makes some mistake by negligence, such as returning home late from work or a corporate party. In my work practice, there are a lot of cases when husbands, who returned because of jealousy of their wife, months or years later, could not stand their own twists on this matter, unable to forgive the "unfaithful", in their opinion, wives, whose infidelity was exactly obvious and clearly proven gone a second time. And more often than not - already forever. So I tell you: the task family psychologist is not only to return the departed husband back to the family, but also to prevent him from leaving again in the future. And for this, as already mentioned, it is necessary to exclude the formation in him of one hundred percent conviction that you definitely slept with someone. Keep this in mind.

Eleventh. Make your departed husband jealous of his mistress as well. Chapter 11, "How to End Cheating on Your Husband Without Showing You Know About It," already described how to lead your unfaithful husband to suspect your mistress about having a double life. Many of these actions of wives are quite applicable when your husband is already living with his mistress.

Observations show that in a situation where a man is acutely jealous of two women at once - to his ex-wife, from whom he left, and to his mistress, to whom he just came, seven out of ten men, being cautious, still prefer to return to his wife ... When communicating with them on this topic they motivate this by three factors. Firstly, there are already children from his wife, but not yet from his mistress, and it is not a fact that they will be. Secondly, if for many years of marriage the wife did not give reasons for jealousy, then the husband was very comfortable in this regard. The mistress begins to give such reasons even before the beginning of the official family life ... It's time to think: what to expect next and is the joint future worth such a hassle? Third, husbands take into account how dignified the wife behaved when talking about the division of property. If she showed herself not as a predator who seeks to rip off the last thing from her husband, but offered to share everything really honestly, then the husband begins to understand that all these years the wife lived with this man after all not because of money, but for love ... When love is combined with jealousy, this union is extremely difficult to break. And then, living with his mistress, the husband who left his wife quickly begins to feel sad, longing and sadness come to his heart, which imperiously say to him: "It's time, brother, it's time ...". It’s not far from here and before returning home. But we'll talk about this later.

Remark.

I will share one professional observation: Husbands who were abandoned by their wives themselves are more jealous in the short term than those who left their wives on their own. At first, they are very brightly and emotionally indignant, mobilize their wife's parents and girlfriends, and even try to use force against “unfaithful wives”. However, then most often they abruptly switch their behavior and refuse further struggle. Moreover, they refuse many times faster than the overwhelming majority of wives do. I can assume that this difference in behavior is associated with three nuances:

Nuance 1. When a man leaves, he does not always go to a woman. More precisely, she may be available, but it is not at all a fact that the departed man will marry her. Femme fatale quite often it turns out to be just that accelerator that helps the husband, tired of his wife, to overcome her “psycho-physiological attraction” and escape from her orbit to hell. In addition, even eventually heading to another woman, many men at first, out of decency, live for months in some intermediate place - with their parents or friends, in a rented apartment or even an office. When it is the wife who decides to leave and file for divorce, this almost always means either the extreme degree of problematicness of her husband (alcoholic, drug addict, criminal), or the presence of that other beloved man who has already clearly and unequivocally called this woman to yourself. That is transition state those ex-wives who left on their own, as a rule, have almost none: everything is immediately determined there. And a woman who has left for another man usually turns out to be pregnant very quickly. Hence, men's hopes for restoring relations with their ex-wife die much faster than women's hopes for the return of a husband - as a rule, not in a hurry either to register a new marriage officially, or to have other children.

Nuance 2. When a man leaves for another woman, his remaining wife simply does not need to communicate with her and meet in person: as a rule, there is nothing to share! For all the unpleasantness of this situation, it is still less traumatic than the wife's departure from her husband to another man. Indeed, in the latter case, the husband, who still wants to see and communicate with his child (especially with children) willy-nilly will have to communicate with a completely alien to him and therefore very unpleasant person: the new husband of his wife, the stepfather of his children. Hence, after a certain number of meetings with the man whom the ex-husband a priori is not disposed to see, any desire of the husband to communicate with his wife, to feel any attraction to her, and even more to be jealous, quickly disappears.

Nuance 3. Wives leave primarily weak or acutely problematic men. Of course, they usually lack the moral strength to fight long and hard.

Natalia Kaptsova

Reading time: 9 minutes

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The question of male jealousy is relevant for all women. The only difference is that some husbands categorically do not want to be jealous of anyone, while others are jealous even of a beardless salesman who smiled “somehow strangely”. The first women believe that since they are not jealous, it means that they are not loved as deeply as they should. And they are even actively looking for advice,. The latter do not know where to go from this jealousy, and openly envy the former. What is the reason for male jealousy?

Husband - pathological jealous - revelations of jealous wives

How happy are those women who are not familiar with male jealousy! Jealousy is not even proof of love at all, as many mistakenly believe. Only in candy bouquet period it feels "sweet and funny." When a jealous man becomes the "rightful owner" of his chosen one, the "green monster" from a cute creature turns into a real nightmare for both partners. In most "severe, clinical" cases, it looks like this:

Why is this happening? Why does a man turn life together to hell, without leaving your beloved woman for a minute and not even disdaining hidden cameras and voice recorders?

The reasons for male jealousy - find out why your husband is jealous!

According to experts, this "green monster" is difficult psychological complex that has many sources underneath. There are many reasons. From aggressive temperament to genetic factors. So, what are the causes of male jealousy?

The feeling of jealousy very often haunts, not only in relation to the current soul mate. Sometimes even pages former partner tracked on social networks. It is very important to figure out in time why this is happening and how to deal with it.

Why are we jealous of exes

There are many meetings and partings in our life. With someone we say goodbye easily and quickly, and some sink into our souls for a long time. Six months, a year pass, but we do not stop thinking about the second half, who already lives separately.

Psychologists have long noticed that jealousy of an ex arises only if you still have not let the person go. Most often this happens on energy level; you may not be aware of this, be happy outwardly and even meet with another partner, but your thoughts constantly return to the past.

If your longtime partner is dating another woman, then jealousy forces you to belittle her dignity. Many not only begin to discuss their relationship, but can also significantly spoil their former life... This manifests itself in constant monitoring, advice that she is not worthy of this wonderful person, and every attempt to protect him from any trouble.

How to get rid of jealousy of your ex

Typically, the main problem is that on subconscious level you are still in a relationship with your ex. V real world you let him go, but on the energetic level you still attract each other.

In these situations, the very first step is to acknowledge and accept that you still feel jealous of this person. Once you understand this, it becomes much easier to fix the situation.

Then you need to work on yourself in order to change the attitude towards yourself and towards past relationships. Anything can be used: any breathing practices, meditations, positive attitudes, yoga classes with the opening of the chakras and an increase in their own energy. Engage in a hobby and what you love, realize yourself as a new person who now simply has no time and has no need to hold on to old relationships and feelings that have been gone for a long time.

This approach helps you understand exactly what you want from life, and attracts new opportunities to you, and at the same time new desires and new people. If your ex really was just a certain stage then you can easily let go of it at all levels. Trust the Universe, open up to love and don't forget to press the buttons and

We all had to experience a feeling of jealousy for the former more than once. We look through the pages of social networks, we find out different ways how he lives. We wonder if he is suffering or, God forbid, is already dating someone. It doesn't matter who initiated the breakup - if we find out that the ex is already having a new romance, or at least hints of it, ambiguous feelings arise within us, even if we do not consider ourselves particularly jealous.

1. Property.

Here I have a certain object, which I count on, I consider it mine, and someone else encroaches on this object, as a result indignation arises "How can you, this is mine!" This feeling is caused by "object" relationships to people or their own egoism.

The zone of our "I" includes other objects, people and objects. They act as a value for us, and, therefore, the value of our "EGO" increases.

I have a favorite chair, which is very dear and important to me. And if I see that some priest wants to sit on my chair, I will be jealous, even greedy.

3. Incompleteness in the relationship.

When we experience a breakup, feelings in the form of longing, sadness, mental suffering and pain, or even anger and hatred can arise without our will. These are all signals that the relationship has not been completed. When the image of the ex pops up in our head and along with the image some experiences arise, this sure sign that you still have feelings for this person.

After parting with a loved one, many of us continued to recall the events associated with this person, moments of intimacy and warmth, quarrels and reconciliation. All shared events accumulate in our experience and remain in our memory. When we part, we begin to miss not only this person, but also the time, the feelings that we experienced. As a rule, a lot of good things come to mind and we want to relive it.

Even "reservations" are already in former relationship continue to influence our topical. This manifests itself in the desire to call the ex / ex, flip through the page of a social network or just write an SMS. And the more incompleteness there were in the relationship, the more there may be a desire to talk with the ex. And, as a result, a feeling of jealousy arises.

Let's imagine that our life is a book that consists of different ones. And imagine that someone picks up to read your life. Or you take someone else's book. Some chapters are sad and dramatic, some are warm and romantic. Many chapters are devoted to important people of the author of this book, which describes events and experiences during the period when this person was present in the life of the author. But some chapters just end abruptly, they are not finished. And you still have an interest in how it ended, what would happen next? The feeling of incompleteness remains in the form of curiosity or even unpleasant tension.

How to complete?

Ending any close relationship is difficult. After all, as a rule, we part at the peak of strong feelings, we experience pain, anger, hatred. Of course, there may be a painless breakup, but this is rare.

We all had to experience a feeling of jealousy for the former more than once. We look through the pages of social networks, find out in different ways how he lives. We wonder if he is suffering or, God forbid, is already dating someone. It doesn't matter who initiated the breakup - if we find out that the ex is already having a new romance, ambiguous feelings arise within us, even if we do not consider ourselves particularly jealous.

Why is there a feeling of jealousy for a soul mate with whom we are no longer together?

Own

Often the cause of jealousy can be a sense of ownership.

Here I have a certain object, which I count on, I consider it mine, and someone else encroaches on this object, as a result indignation arises "How can you, this is mine!" This feeling is caused by "object" relationships to people or their own egoism. The zone of our "I" includes other objects, people and objects. They act as a value for us, and, therefore, the value of our "EGO" increases.

When we speak of jealousy as property, then most often we perceive the other as a part of ourselves.

I have a favorite chair, which is very dear and important to me. And if I see that some priest wants to sit on my chair, I will be jealous, even greedy.

As for jealousy of former lovers in this case, then in the subconscious they remain our property for a long time, which we, not quite consciously, do not want to share with anyone.

Incompleteness in a relationship

When we experience a breakup, feelings in the form of longing, sadness, mental suffering and pain can arise without our will. These are all signals that the relationship has not been completed. When the image of the ex pops up in our head and along with the image some experiences arise, this is a sure sign that you still have feelings for this person.

After parting with a loved one, many of us continued to recall the events associated with this person, moments of intimacy and warmth, quarrels and reconciliation. All events lived together are accumulated in our experience and remain in our memory. When we part, we begin to miss not only this person, but also the time, the feelings that we experienced. As a rule, a lot of good things come to mind and we want to relive it.

We may not be aware, but our psyche always strives to complete unfinished situations. Without realizing it, we strive to finish the started and unfinished business, they remain in our memory longer than completed ones.

Even "reservations" in former relationships continue to influence the current ones. This is manifested in the desire to call the ex / ex, flip through the page of a social network or just write an SMS. And the more incompleteness there were in the relationship, the stronger the desire to return them arises. And, as a result, there is a feeling of jealousy.

Let's imagine that our life is a book that consists of different chapters. Some of them are sad and dramatic, some are warm and romantic. Many are dedicated to the important people of the author of this book. But some chapters just end abruptly, they are unfinished. And you still have an interest in how everything would have ended, what would have happened next? Curiosity plays in us, or even unpleasant tension is present.

We continue to write our book, where we try to complete the incompleteness of the previous chapters in the following.

This can interfere with your future relationship, so it’s better to finish the chapters.

How to complete?

Ending any close relationship is difficult. After all, as a rule, we part at the peak of strong feelings, we experience pain, anger, hatred.

For a relationship to end, it's important to forgive your ex for the wrongs they've caused. Try to find in your heart a feeling of gratitude for the experience, intimacy, moments of joy and sadness. For what has been done and what has not been done.

When you have a little love in your chest, a little gratitude and light warmth for the fact that this person was on the pages of your life, you will understand that you let him go. And it just doesn't make sense to be jealous.