The man proposed to me. Through the mouths of men: why guys propose. Did you worry that at some point she might say “no” (not necessarily because she didn’t want to marry you, she would simply decide that the moment was not right, or finances would not allow

13.04.2019

First: eight years.

Second: three and a half years.

Third: almost three years.

Were you already living together when you decided to get married?

First: Yes, we tried to live together when we were 19 (it was a disaster: we were too young for that!), and then we tried again when we were 21 (and everything went much better!). Living together is of decisive importance.

Second: Technically no, we had different rooms in dorm. But in essence, yes. We made our way to spend the night to each other's room. In fact, we spent more time together in college than now that we live together. However, about a year before we got married, we rented a common apartment.

Third: Yes. It doesn't hurt anyone to get used to paying joint bills before committing themselves to a lifetime contract.

How did you (on your own or together) come to the conclusion that it was time to get married?

First: We broke up for a little more than six months, and then got back together. Part of my decision to come back was because I was willing to spend the rest of my life with her.

Second: We didn't choose the timing on purpose, but we were about to graduate from college, and it was time to make a decision. The fact that I proposed, for me at that time, was a desire to show that I had made my choice and was ready to make her a part of my future life.

Third: It wasn't like a lightning strike. Just calm water where you feel like it would be right to paddle together.

Did your families pressure you to get married?

First: Her family has been inciting us to do this for years - though in a half-joking way.

Second: Not really. People used to just joke about it. We were young, and no one expected us to get married so quickly.

Third: My parents are in their second and third marriages respectively. So no one forced us.

Have you two seriously discussed your engagement?

First: Yes, we have talked about this many times. We waited until everything was ok (financially, in a relationship, in a career).

Second: Yes, how. Graduation was approaching, and everyone had to make a fateful decision. You are looking for a job, decide where you will live. It would be strange if we did not discuss our future together.

Third: We didn't have "serious" conversations. Everything just seemed inevitable good sense words).

Have you ever discussed something “unconventional” (like getting a tattoo instead of a ring or buying non-gold rings)?

First: No, the wedding ring is the wedding ring.

Second: No, my wife and I are both pretty traditional in general, so we didn't have any urge to throw something out. We were young, so buying rings was like a growing up game for us, connected with the end of college. The only tattoo she ever thought about was a stripe around her finger in case the ring gets lost and she still has a symbol of how much we love each other.

Third: If I had suggested this, I would have immediately received a turn from the gate.

How long did it take between you buying the ring and deciding to propose? Where did you hide it?

First: About a month. For the most part I kept it in secret pocket backpack.

Second: I bought it during winter break and proposed a week before Valentine's Day. I hid it under my underwear in my dorm.

Third: I kept it in my underwear drawer for several weeks.

Did you have the slightest idea of how she envisioned the proposal scene for herself?

First: All I knew was that she didn't want anything too solemn.

Second: She had only one wish: for this to happen without witnesses.

Third: If you really know the woman you love, you must know in what environment she wants to accept the proposal.

Have you thought about doing something spectacular, like a flash mob or those things that you see in romantic comedies?

First: I'm not sure if my proposal could be considered spectacular, but it was romantic and personal, and that's the main thing.

Second: Nothing too flashy. She would be too embarrassed by all these popular bells and whistles. In addition, no one would have appreciated: there were two of us there, as she wanted.

Third: Only if I was guaranteed to want to hear no.

Did you worry that at some point she might say “no” (not necessarily because she does not want to marry you, she would simply decide that the moment is not right, or finances will not allow, etc.)?

First A: I wasn't nervous one bit.

Second: No, we talked a lot about the wedding. I knew she would say yes.

Third: N-ea. If you want to propose and you doubt that she will agree, then you are doing something completely wrong.

How did you propose?

First: My wife and I went to school together and knew each other, but not well enough. When our mutual friend threw a graduation party, we had a great time there. For the guests of the party, they pumped up a huge bouncy castle in the yard. When the holiday was over, and everyone went into the house, we stayed in this castle-trampoline and talked until the morning.

So, thinking of proposing, I rented a bouncy castle and had it brought to her parents' house. We pretended that these were preparations for her sister's birthday. I convinced her to get into this house, and there was already a jewelry box with a ring. She noticed the box and shouted to her sister: “Oh, look, this is a present for you from your parents!” At that moment, I slipped after her and knelt down. She didn't expect what would happen next. "Will you marry me?" I squeezed out. It took her a few seconds to realize that this was not a joke, but finally she said yes. I secretly gathered all of our closest friends and families, and all of them unexpectedly came out to meet her as she emerged from the cabin.

Second: It's not easy to surprise someone on a special evening for two when she's already waiting for an offer. I needed an excuse to convince her to dress up and go together to an unusual place without revealing all the cards. I enlisted our dorm friends to help plan the surprise. Suits for guys, dresses for girls - as if we are all going to celebrate Valentine's Day. Everyone dressed up and agreed that my friend and I were driving in my car, and the rest of the couples in other cars. And here we come and park at the restaurant. She is waiting for everyone else, but I say that they will not come, and all this is only for us. She was a little confused, but then she realized what was happening. I proposed right on the waterfront at the entrance to the restaurant, and then we sat down at a table for two and celebrated. The funny thing is that our friends also wanted a holiday, and they tumbled into their evening dresses to the nearest fast food place, and then we all had a dorm party together.

Third: There was a place in our city that we wanted to visit from the very first time we talked. For years we had the opportunity to go there, but for some reason we could not get together. Over time, it became that mythical place that we swore to ourselves to visit, but we never had a chance. Of course, it was impossible to think of a better place for the proposal. It remained to figure out how to do it. She often reminded me that during the first meeting I did not introduce myself properly to her.

And so when we finally got there, I said: "I'm sorry, miss, I did not have the opportunity to introduce myself to you properly ..." Then I got down on one knee, gave my name, took out a box and asked if it would me.

How did she react?

First: She kept repeating: “What is going on?! What's happening??" — and burst into tears.

Second: She was still embarrassed, even though we were alone. But very, very happy.

Third: Didn't cry. Rejoiced. And I got hungry (it was morning, and we had not had breakfast yet.)

Would you like to change something or propose differently today?

First A: I wouldn't change anything. It was wonderful.

Girls! Here, many people want to at least receive a marriage proposal from a guy, there are many such things that guys do not want to get married and all that ...
And I have a different situation. 2 years ago I received this long-awaited offer! and what is the result? I am still not married.
You can talk about what happened in these 2 years for a long time. we went to the registry office 2 times, chose 3 or maybe 4 wedding dates, filed an application, but each time something happened that nullified all attempts at our marriage. it was everything! we converged, dispersed, the guy's parents intervened. his mother is generally against our marriage, as I realized much later. she doesn’t like me, but the guy didn’t want to go against his mother and ruin his relationship with her for life. In general, this situation turned out to be some kind of unsolvable! there are many problems and pitfalls. the guy's family needs gorgeous wedding to which they want to invite 100 people, if not more relatives and friends! also for 2 days. They are not going to pay for the wedding, they just have demands. and again, if there is no such wedding - that's it, the son is a traitor. well, in general, these parents are not so beasts already, they just have big family and that's how it was originally done. in general, it turned out that we simply don’t have money for such a wedding. my parents do not want any wedding at all, everything is in loans and debts. In short, everything was delayed and spoiled. our relationship with the guy became terrible. We fight all the time about marriage. not even about when it will be, because. the feeling is that it will not be soon until we save up this money. and we swear about why he had not resolved the issue with his parents earlier and went on about them, it was possible to do without a wedding or to celebrate in a modest way. but, the groom did not want that himself. such a tension in the relationship has become that there have already been proposals to leave, and from both sides. I can't handle everything that comes up. I don't understand why we don't get along with him. he seems to be in depression at all - I only recently realized this, tk. did not justify itself a real man. he was very worried about what happened, kind of let me down. There were other moments as well. when my parents, in general, did not know about his plans and I’m not at all sure whether they know that he officially proposed to me or not. He didn't seem to tell them about it. they know that we have thoughts about the wedding, but they don't know everything. or pretend not to know, especially his mother. Recently there was another scandal with a guy on which I became aware of another interesting detail. it turns out that the guy's mom is almost looking for a more suitable bride for him. and when I asked why I didn’t please her so much, the answer simply struck me: I’m insecure! what a news! it just shocked me! already what could be faulted there, I'm almost a saint. so she found the reason! it was embarrassing to tears. how can you be sure when you have been in limbo for 2 years? By the way, before the proposal, I and my mother were only seen a couple of times, they introduced me, as it were, after, as with future bride. but my mother, apparently, decided to replay this matter and pretends that she seems to have a bride, but seems to be not.
what to say about my boyfriend. he is very good, the right one, maybe a sissy, but I can’t say that it’s just what horror. he loves his mother. and in general, she is a good woman, well, I just don’t know, it turns out that it wasn’t fate for us to get married.
I’m already silent about the fact that we ourselves screwed up a lot with the guy, and then eg omama, well, nothing to do with it. for example, they didn’t save money and applied, and then only when they began to count, it became clear that there was almost no money for anything! In short, there were many.
Girls, I don’t know what I wanted to say with this topic. I don't know what to do in this situation. What would you suggest?

Girl, I'm sorry, but you exude such psychological immaturity ... and, excuse me, stupidity ... How old are you and your chosen one, if not a secret?
You don’t need a family and the development of relationships, you need to satisfy the Social Template, so that the environment considers you Normal, so that you are “left behind” and not looked at with pity. And to ruffle girlfriends about the wedding and the white dress. In your text, your problems are so openly indicated personally, which indicate your psychological immaturity. With such attitudes of yours (dependence on social patterns and the opinions of others), you cannot successfully build a family life and relationships with a man. You have been in a relationship for 3.5 years and still have not studied your man! Whether he is responsible or not, whether actions diverge from words, how he solves situations and problems, whether he tries to relieve himself of responsibility for resolving issues, etc. (the list could go on). Correctly in the comments, someone wrote that when you get married, you also Unconsciously (precisely with capital letter) get pregnant (as 80% of the population do, give birth, and then they don’t take care of upbringing and it’s not clear who grows up), again observing social patterns so that they “lag behind” you and look at how normal person and not with condemnation and misunderstanding.
And then fatigue, problems in the family and misunderstanding with her husband, divorce will begin ... Classics of the genre.
If your young man has not yet made you an offer, then either he is not ready yet, because this is a serious responsibility, and in this situation you cannot put pressure on him and take out his brain, so he will stop seeing you as a woman (again draw conclusions that he has already hinted about it and safely forgotten, a real reliable man who you can rely on does not throw words into the wind, this is very important); either you don’t inspire him in a feminine way to make this decision, which means you are behaving incorrectly and he doesn’t see you as a woman with whom you can build a family; or both.
Family life is not a fairy tale and not an everyday holiday. Shusi-pusi pass quickly and joint life begins and a lot interpersonal problems that both spouses should want to decide, work on themselves and go together in one direction. This is a serious work of Building Love and Respect for each other, building strong family. According to your text, it is clear that you are very far from this and have not matured specifically for the family. You want to play wedding and cohabitation together.
You don’t need to get married, but grow up first, otherwise you’ll break so much firewood and don’t build harmonious strong relationships. Start working on yourself and change your attitudes, they are detrimental to the individual.
All the best to you and success!

The long-awaited moment has come, he finally decided, did important step- He said that he wants to formalize the relationship. First impressions are wonderful and it may not be immediately believed in what happened. When emotions subsided, many couples think about what to do after a marriage proposal, what to grab onto, how to prepare for the wedding? It is important to put everything on the shelves and not forget anything

How to make a marriage proposal to a girl?

For the truth to come to pass wedding preparations I need to propose to a girl. More often, young men make an appointment in a restaurant - a good option, but you can come up with something original:

Men have stopped singing serenades, and this is very touching. If a girl lives low, stand with friends under the windows and read poems, preferably your own. You can invite musicians or find an accompanist among friends;
Organize real quest for the beloved. Start it in the morning, send a letter by courier, which will say something like this: "Today is a day of adventure and surprises for you, get dressed, go outside at 12 o'clock." Think over all the details, involve friends, it is difficult for one to organize such a large-scale event.

Today, many agencies work in this direction, although their services are not cheap, but they will definitely be able to surprise you. However, remember - your sincerity is most important, everything else is just an addition.

Where to start preparing?

The job is done, now you have the most difficult thing to do - organize a holiday, survive all the worries and troubles. Designate two starting points , everything else will depend on them:

You have to write an application to the registry office. Such a simple little thing can cause a lot of problems, especially if you want to set a specific date. The next week after Easter is more popular, it is considered the most favorable, it promises the newlyweds great happiness according to Orthodox canons. All registry offices work seven days a week these days. So think about when and where to apply;
Consider a budget. It is good when spouses are not limited in funds, but this is rare. Besides new family will need a lot of funds for the arrangement family life. Ask your relatives in advance who can provide what kind of support - it's okay, it's normal, it's a serious matter, usually everyone helps. And not even necessarily money, everything will do - transport, premises for a holiday.

The main thing is to do everything together, together and do not swear, make compromises. Many couples broke up at the preparation stage, as they could not give in to each other.

How to choose a toastmaster and a photographer?

These are the two main people at the wedding. Everyone has modern technology, but still professional shooting is preferred. And we don’t want to entertain ourselves for a long time, so it’s easier to invite a professional toastmaster. He knows what guests need and can offer fun entertainment.

The main thing is to choose a person with experience, both a photographer and an entertainer:

Ask your friends, maybe they have already encountered and can help. After all, the hosts are also such that the whole holiday can be derailed. The photographer should also be on the level, otherwise, looking at the wedding pictures later, you won’t remember how great it really was;
When candidates appear, be sure to ask for a portfolio and videos from events. Better yet, do a test shoot;
Be sure to discuss the script with the toastmaster, sometimes the proposed jokes are not suitable, there are offensive and inappropriate ones. A professional will call you for help, he will definitely collect information about those present, who is mom, who is dad, where are the grandmothers and brothers.

All in all keep everything under control- the event requires maximum effort.

One month before the wedding

So, a lot of little things that you need to remember. There are those that need to be done in advance, immediately after the announcement is submitted:

Go in for sports, sign up for a gym - you need to pull yourself up, both the groom and the bride;
Buy wedding rings;
Send out invitations, this should definitely be done earlier, as people need to prepare, for many this event may be a surprise;
If you can't dance, sign up for a course. There are special ones designed for such celebrations, they learn beautiful wedding dances the bride and groom, the bride with her father;
planning Honeymoon engage in the selection of a tour operator or develop a route yourself;
If the celebration is planned in a restaurant, book it in advance;
The bride needs to buy herself an outfit and shoes;
Warn the authorities at work, let them be ready to let you go;
Choose a hairdresser, choose a hairstyle, maybe you need to grow your hair, change color - there will be time to discuss;
It is also better to order a cake in advance.

There is a lot to do, you need to consider everything, so advance preparation will not be redundant.

A couple of weeks before

By this time, everything has already been discussed, ordered and selected. The time has come to make control calls to the photographer, toastmaster, relatives - to all participants.

You also need to remember other important things:

Pack your bags for the trip, then there will be no time for this - vanity, guests;
Order bridal bouquet and buy other accessories: glasses for young people, ribbons, a garter;
Host stag and hen parties;
Issue name cards for a feast, so it will be easier for people to communicate;

Before the wedding:

Don't forget documents and rings;
Do not call anyone now, everyone should already know when and what by this time. Take care of packing and dressing;

Don't be nervous, have a glass herbal tea with mint. Now your business is to rest, enjoy the solemn moment, receive gifts. And even if something goes wrong - it's okay, after many years you will still remember it with a smile.

So, we tried not to forget anything. Of course, your pre-wedding lists will contain other items, but after reading our article, you will be able to concentrate and have a rough idea of what needs to be done after a marriage proposal.

Video about preparations for the wedding event

In this video, Polina Rogozina will tell you how to act after you proposed to the girl to marry and she agreed:

21st century - the age of impermanence, free relationship, no commitment. And the most relevant and painful topic in the circle of girls is “When will he propose to me?”.

Indeed, there is nothing worse than being in a dead relationship that has been dragging on for a long time and will not lead to anything.

It turns out that there are men with such characters and distinctive features who can date for 20 years and never propose. Someone like this course of things suits, but someone certainly wants to get married.

And, if you want a relationship that will lead to a wedding, then you need to understand your man if he is ready for a serious relationship.
How to do it? The following 10 suggested signs will help that a man will never propose.

10 signs your man will never propose to you

Negative thoughts about marriage

Once you start dating a guy, you need to find out his thoughts on getting married. In the meantime, while you dream of a dazzling and radiant wedding, a ring on your finger, the best romantic proposal ever made, and a beautiful wedding dress, he may hate the very idea of marriage.

How can you find out about it?
First, what are his thoughts on getting married? Does he like to go to weddings?
Does he talk about marriage as the end of life and wonder why people get married at all?

To find out, you need to listen to his thoughts on the institution of marriage. Does he have any phobias related to marriage, perhaps he believes that all marriages lead to divorce.

He is not permanent

This is another indication that he does not have a wedding in the near future.

When you notice that the guy you meet some days is very considerate, very romantic, shows you his affection, for example by buying you flowers or inviting you to romantic date, and on other days he is just a beast and does not call you for many days without any special reasons or explanations, then perhaps this is because he is indecisive and does not know what he wants from you.

You are not close to his friends and/or family

Dating a secretive guy who hasn't introduced you to his friends or family yet? This important feature that your boyfriend will never propose to you.
Dear girls, the truth is that he may be married and you are just a mistress.
Sure, you've met them a couple of times, but if he's considering you as a potential wife, he'll try to make sure his parents get to know you better than just some girl he's dating.
Very big sign, that he will propose to you when he tries to make sure that his family knows you and accepts you as part of life, like him.

Short term plans

Another sign for girls with serious intentions who are waiting for an offer from their lover. When you think about your plans for next week, you notice how your man becomes very joyful, but as soon as it comes to vacation together in next year as he instantly stutters, then gasps and mutters something like "Let's think about it more to the point."

If he sees you as part of his future, he has no qualms about making plans, or at least thinking about them. Ladies should be aware that if a man becomes very confused and stressed when you are trying to make plans, then this may be a sign that he does not really see you in his future.

All talk and no action

Some girls may unconsciously date guys who avoid talking about the wedding, but what about those men who love to talk about the wedding, but also don't make marriage proposals?

Yes, indeed, there are such men, they can seriously discuss the wedding, you will tell him what you think about it, and he, in turn, as if he himself passionately wants to think about the future with you, but that's it.

And nothing else happens. If after a serious conversation with your boyfriend about the wedding, he is joyful and excited, but at the same time he:
1. Does not buy a ring,
2. Doesn't propose to you
3. When you bring up this topic, he finds 1000 excuses and reasons.

Dear girls, you need to think seriously about this. As long as his excuses are like real reasons interfering with marriage, there is a chance that he is simply playing for time until he is backed up against the wall and forced to make a decision.

Already a wife

Very often, psychologists warn girls who dream of a wedding never to fulfill marital obligations for their men. Don't be a wife until he puts a ring on you ring finger and you won't get married.

This is one of the biggest reasons why you can find a relationship that lasts 10 years and suddenly breaks down. If you have been together for how long civil marriage, that is, they lived together, had sex, had a common budget, why would he marry you again?

You perform all the marital duties that he only dreamed of. He is happy with everything and just sees no reason to propose. For this case, the saying is suitable: “Why buy a cow if you have free milk?”.

Of course not certain period relationship, after which couples must decide to get married or just start talking about it.

But according to relationship experts, 1.5-2 years is enough to make a decision. If you and your young man have been dating for about 3 years, but there is no development of relations, then Great chance that this is not your other half.

He lives in the past

Some young people cannot let go of their past and move on with their lives. Girls should avoid them. Does your boyfriend often talk about his past or previous relationships?

Cases from the past, comparison, whatever, it doesn't matter. If your boyfriend remembers his " best years"In college or something in the past that he cannot part with and get out of his head, this is a sign that he is not able to live in the present, and an indicator of unwillingness to start a new phase in life.

If you notice that your boyfriend does not live in the present, then in fact this means that he does not appreciate the fact that you are around and do not worry about your future.

financial instability

Another sign that a man is not going to propose to you anytime soon.
Stability means a lot to a man. That is why many men who are under 40 years old are not yet married. While talking about marriage, they start talking about investments, jobs, money, and more. Men want to be sure they can take care of you after marriage.

single friends

"Show me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are." Good confirmation of this proverb. Guys with single friends will have a hard time imagining married life.
If a man is always among happy bachelors, do you think he will want to change his life?

If all his friends are bachelors, he most likely will not want to change his lifestyle.
But to be fair, it's not about all guys.

He's bad at problem solving

If your boyfriend is not very good at solving problems, often prefers to run away from them, then he may not want to get married. You may have noticed that even the very idea of discussing a wedding scares him.