Why did the girl suddenly stop talking? More about specialists: sexologists are different and the differences are significant. He is a typical introvert

03.05.2019

59 628

You talked, went on dates, and then he disappeared. Stopped calling and answering messages, blocked you on social networks. You start looking for a problem in yourself, reviewing the moments of meetings again and again: where did you make a mistake? Actually there is no error. Why such disappearances hurt us so much and what to do, explains psychologist Ekaterina Vashukova.

Enter the phrase “why he disappeared” in the search engine and you will be surprised at the number of links: “Men confess why they disappear without explanation”, “How to survive the disappearance of a guy”, “ main reason Why do guys disappear? This happens to many women and we want to know why.

It's not just the men who disappear. Women do this too. The difference is that after the loss of a partner, women spend much more time worrying and thinking about what they did wrong. Women blame themselves for everything.

Perhaps on a date you went overboard, burst into tears because of former love or tried to forcefully kiss a man. But, most likely, you behaved adequately, tried to produce good impression and find a good partner.

The reason is not in us, but in the past experience and preferences of a man

It's probably not your fault. But you still maniacally re-read the correspondence and try to understand why he disappeared, retell the details to your friends and ask what could have gone wrong. Even if the man did not really like, the fact of his disappearance touches. You are haunted by this riddle. You definitely want to unravel it. But is it worth the time?

When someone leaves us for no reason, we get so upset that we often forget simple truth. If a man didn’t like us or he switched to another woman, this has little to do with us. The reason is not in us, but in the past experience and preferences of a man.

How to deal with emotional trauma? Here are five steps to help you forget about a breakup.

1. Delete the conversation

You can't change someone else's behavior, so stop wasting time thinking about what you should have said or done differently. Once you destroy the evidence, you will no longer be able to return to them and reflect on this topic.

2. Spend time with people who love you back

Best friends and relatives will not run away from you. Switch your energy and attention to people you can trust.

3. Open up to new things

A good way to recover from such a ridiculous breakup is to shake things up a bit. Say yes to the new and the unknown. They invited an unknown musician to a concert - go ahead. A friend called me to a bar - why not. A friend calls for a workout, lace up your sneakers.

4. Get back in the game

It's hard to meet men after you've been dumped. Try not to lose hope and be open to new acquaintances. But if you feel like deleting all your dating apps and focusing on something else, give yourself a break.

5. Don't do this to others

Now you know how it hurts. You can come up with answers in advance that you will send to those with whom you do not want to communicate.

Someone who hurt your feelings and disappeared in such a shameless way doesn't deserve your time.

Why we are hurt by the disappearance of men

Psychologist Ekaterina Vashukova explains why we react so painfully to the disappearance of men and what type of women is most acutely experiencing this trauma.

When a person suddenly disappears from our lives, the feeling of stability collapses. There is an information vacuum in which we try to explain what happened. Uncertainty breeds fears and negative fantasies based on previous life experiences.

The sudden disappearance of a man causes the most acute feelings in girls with complexes and injuries. If a woman experienced a traumatic interruption of contact with one of her parents in childhood, then the situation of rejection revives old complexes in her.

Also, women with a “guilt complex” fall into an emotional trap. It is formed if a girl is instilled with an excessive sense of responsibility - you are responsible for everything that happens to you and around you. If she was overly criticized in childhood, in adulthood she judges herself severely.

The third vulnerable group are girls who grew up in dysfunctional families. In such families, personal boundaries are violated, there is emotional or physical abuse, which forms codependent character traits in the child. In a relationship, such women identify with their partner. When a man leaves, he takes the woman's image with him.

We finish the conversation first and disappear from the attention of the man

The same Rule applies to any new form communications of the kind that have come into use since then, as well as dating. We call it "falling out of sight". Why is this needed? So that you don't have time to say too much, and he wants more! Remember, sometimes the opposite psychology works best: if you want more from a guy, give him less. The more busy you seem, the more curiosity and interest you will arouse in him.

Of course, all this new-fashioned (or old-fashioned) communication - from home phone calls to computer video chats, from text messages to Skype - is intended to impress a man with the magnificence of your personality and show him how cultured and witty you are. However, you need to “emerge” from it after 10-15 minutes. active communication so that he is forced to ask you out on a date if he wants to continue this relationship. Correspondence in Gchat and Facebook is not a date!

Why does a girl need to disappear from the attention of men?

Sometimes women are afraid of appearing rude or hypocritical, ending the conversation first, but this is not a game. Doing so is implying that you have a busy schedule and healthy limits. Where are you when you're without him? With a friend, business meeting, in a fitness club, in class or at a meeting of a circle of literature lovers?

If you're worried about being considered rude, remember that men never have a problem ending a conversation. You just started a great conversation, and suddenly - hello! - he says that it's time for him to run on business that has already begun Soccer game or his flatmate came. Remember, men can be your opponents. They are able to turn off the conversation at any moment, never write again or invite you on a date. You can protect yourself by ending any interaction first.

Let's talk frankly. It's not that you can't end the conversation first, it's that you don't want to. You are so carried away by the conversation that it is as if you fall into a trance. Can sit next to you best friend, yelling in your ear: “Yes, stop texting already!” - and even trying to snatch the phone out of your hands, but all in vain! Such obsessed girls ignore their girlfriends and relatives, slowly texting under the table in a restaurant or going to the ladies' room. In the end, friends and relatives get tired of it.

Girls convince themselves that they are going to lose a guy by winding down conversations too quickly. They are afraid that he will lose interest in them and turn to the other if they become the first to “disappear from sight”. Believe me, we know for sure that the exact opposite is true! Since the guy liked your appearance - and he was the first to talk to you, wrote to you or called, and you stop talking after 10-15 minutes intensive exchange replicas, he will again try to resume a conversation with you or invite you on a date. And if he really stops writing to you, then this is not because you "disappeared from the field of view", but because he does not like you enough. Why would you want to keep talking to someone who isn't interested enough in you to even text you again?

You can tell him, “My phone is running out of battery,” or “Sorry, I have to answer the phone,” or “Sorry, I have to study,” or “At work rush,” or “I have a lecture in five minutes.” . You don't need at all perfect formula to end the conversation - any phrase will do! You don't have any reason to worry about it. Remember, even psychotherapists work by the clock and say to patients who are just about to cry, "Your time is up." Why can't you finish the first meaningless SMS exchange? If you can't think of anything brilliantly creative, just type "Sorry, gotta run!" and turn off your phone to create a sense of space and time. We advised the girls to set a timer to end conversations on time. If you feel completely unable to end the conversation on your own, ask a friend to send you a reminder. And if you know you can't trust yourself, don't answer him at all. Leave your phone in your bag, in your car or in another room.

Don't wait for the perfect moment or a lull in an SMS conversation to end a conversation. Who knows when it will come? Just watch the time and end the negotiation: "I must run!" Don't risk being the first to interrupt your conversation. Then you will already be wondering where he had to run, and they will start creeping into your head unnecessary thoughts! If he ends the conversation first, you will be tormented by insecurity about your relationship and send him SMS again later to make sure everything is in order, breaking another Rule as a result!

Tips for girls on how to shorten the correspondence and disappear from the attention of a man

Here are some tips on how to cut down on texting: Always write less than he does. Don't ask too many questions. Try to answer his questions with just one or two sentences, but witty. Do not introduce too many new topics into the conversation, otherwise it will become endless. In an attempt to bind a man or seize his interest, a woman answers questions in great detail, asks him her own and raises new topics. Here is an example of what not to do:

He: Hey, what are you doing?

She: I'm just studying, I have an exam in biology tomorrow. My roommate is not feeling well. Drunk myself to hell over the weekend, vomited all over the new bathroom rug. How many times have I advised her not to drink too much, but she never listens to me!

Him: Poor guy! Who is in charge of biology?

Her: Rinaldi. You can't imagine anything worse. My friend Jackie also learns from him and also can not stand him. Are you familiar with Jackie?

Him: Yes, Rinaldi is a real pain in the ass, he led us last year.

She: I know, I should have changed teachers. I made big mistake. Maybe you can help me get ready?

Him: Looks like you're going to stay up late?

She: Yeah, only more like until the morning. And you what do you do?

He: Also exams, but everything is cool with me. I'm more worried about the football match on Saturday. We are playing against another college team.

She: I'll come and see. When did it start?

He: Three o'clock on Sunday. Sorry, gotta run to the gym!

Her: Okay, bye! See you before the match. What time is the post-match buffet?

She didn't finish the conversation first, she wrote too much, and he didn't even plan to see her. What a waste of time! Here is another (and much better) example of how this conversation could have turned:

He: Hello, how are you?

She (half an hour later): I'm doing it.

Him: Yeah, me too. Biology is already out of your ears. What are your plans for the weekend? Do you want us to come up with something together?

Her (10 minutes later): Sure. great idea. Okay, it's time for the books again...

Why would a girl disappear from a man's attention on a first date?

This rule applies not only to phone calls, SMS and all other forms of instant communication, but also to dates. For right girl the first date is one or two hours in a coffee shop or bar or a couple of hours joint activities in the reading room of the library, and not many hours of walking or a whole day spent on the beach. “Too much, too soon” is always bad for relationships. Besides, it's much easier to end a date at a coffee shop or bar in an hour or two than it is to leave the beach in the middle of the day. That's why we politely decline proposals for a first date that consists of dinner and going to the movies or a trip to an amusement park.

The guy at first shows character and tries to drag out communication on the first or second date as long as possible, deciding that you will let him. Yes, he himself insisted on a long date, but when he sees that you are too accessible and passionate about him, he will get bored by the third date (if it comes to it at all).

Your answer to a guy who asks you on your first date to go to the park for a picnic or go to a bar, then have dinner, and then dance should be like this: “The bar will suit me just fine!” After an hour or two, you can glance at your watch and say, "You and I are having a great time, but I have to go." When he asks why you are in such a hurry, you can say that you have a very important day tomorrow. You don't have to explain why he's so important - it's none of his business. If you feel like you have to give him some kind of justification, say that you are busy preparing for an exam or work, or that you have individual training early in the morning. Be as mysterious as possible! If you're in college and your date is going from one party to another, end it before the guy does. Never try to prolong a meeting with "Let's see what's going on at this club" or "Let's go to another bar." Even if extending the date is his idea, you still have to say that you can't stay late. If you don't follow this rule of leaving first, you'll quickly stop imagining for him. difficult task. Since he wants to spend more time with you, let him ask you out on a date again.

The second meeting should be a dinner lasting three to four hours. The third date may consist of dinner and going to the movies and last about five hours. The fourth date could be dinner plus a trip to the theater or cinema, followed by coffee; all together - about six hours. But you finish all dates first - you disappear from sight!

Of course, this rule may directly contradict your desires. When you're dating a guy you like, the last thing you want is for your conversation or date to end quickly. You want to know everything about him right away: who is the director of his college, where does he work, what car does he drive, what sports team does he support, what does he like to do in his spare time, why didn’t he work out former relationship who he plans to become in five years and, most importantly, how he treats you, and at the same time tell him the story of his life. But marathon dates kill all mystery and romance. Let him invite you again (and then invite you again and again) to find out more!

Man leaves without explanation different reasons. Read the article for details.

He disappeared without explanation - such situations happen to many women. It does not matter how long you were together - a couple of weeks or several years, the act seems mean and irresponsible.

Any girl or woman, finding herself in such a situation, will look for answers to questions related to his disappearance, explain some points to herself, look for excuses for him. Let's figure out together what is the reason for the sudden disappearance of a man.

Why does a man disappear without explanation?

It seems to you that you have met the one and only loved one. It seems that everything was going fine: flowers, dates, SMS with pleasant words, but suddenly something goes wrong. The man first ignores the messages, then comes up with a hundred reasons to delay the next date, and then completely disappears - without a call and any excuses. Why does a man disappear without explanation? Here are some reasons:

A man is afraid to take responsibility

If he understands that the relationship has reached a dead end, and someone must take responsibility and say goodbye, the man is afraid to do it first.
At first, he delays meetings and conversations, and then simply disappears.

Men don't like to explain

If a woman understood everything after one single phrase “everything is over between us”, and did not ask any questions, then men would stop disappearing.
But she needs to know the reason for such a decision, perhaps reproaches, tears and nerves will begin.
The man saves himself and therefore leaves in English.

He is a victim

It may seem to a woman that their relationship was perfect and full of love, but a man may think otherwise.
He may feel like a victim in a relationship and expect an apology for some act.
Of course, many men are straightforward and say everything in person, but some can withdraw and disappear.

A woman must understand everything herself

If a crisis has come in your relationship, then you will think through everything to the smallest detail: farewell speech, explanations and so on.
But the man does not understand why you need to talk and sort things out.
It is easier for him to leave with the words inside himself: "she will understand everything herself."

He's not used to making decisions

Many men are morally weak, they do not make independent decisions.
You should not expect a noble deed from him at the moment of parting.
It is easier for such a man to disappear, and few representatives of the stronger sex have a share of determination and prudence.

He doesn't need a scandal

Men do not like women's tears, screams, breaking dishes, and in fact the moment of parting is precisely with this they associate.
He is ready to put moral principles in the background and leave unnoticed so as not to listen to women's reproaches and scandals.

The reason for the disappearance is another woman

In this case, he either does not value you at all and easily left for another, or, conversely, she found out about you and demands a break in relations.
It will be difficult for him to explain his act, since he is guilty.
Perhaps the man just doesn't know what to say.

Everything doesn't go according to plan

Many men are pragmatists and like to plan something serious.
He first counts on an easy relationship, not binding to anything.
But at one moment he realizes that the woman hopes for something more, then it is easier for him to leave.

"Spare" option?

Often men act cruelly. They meet with some women, and in mind they have another - more inaccessible.
He can achieve it, but at the same time be in a relationship with you. But, if it doesn’t work out with the other, then he can always stay with the one who is now next to him.
Such a scheme is known to everyone and there are no extra explanations here.

He loves to win

Some men believe that leaving without saying goodbye is the act of a real man.
They believe that those who stoop to explanations are weaklings.

As a child, he was not taught to cope with difficult situations.

When raising a boy, it is important to teach him to be a real man and cope with difficulties.
But many men do not know how to do this, they do not know how it is to leave beautifully.
He cannot explain why you do not suit him in bed or point out that a woman should take better care of herself.
The man is afraid to make it even more painful and therefore leaves without explanation.

Do not delve into someone else's soul, do not look for excuses or explanations. Just let go of the situation and maybe everything will work out by itself and he will return. Also, do not rule out that he could have had force majeure or serious problems.

Why did the man disappear after the first date, meeting, sex?

Women think that men are primitive, and you should not expect adequate solutions from them, but this is not so. They can explain everything to themselves. For example, why did he disappear after the first date or meeting?

For men, appearance and mental coincidence are important. They won't think of you on their first date as future wife and represent you as the mother of his children.
A man only wants sex and emotions and if the woman did not attract him to sexually, then this conversation will end.
A man can be scared off even by the smell of perfume, your figure, which seems to him not slim enough, the timbre of your voice. But that doesn't mean you're not like that. The other will love all your good points, but this one will run away after a few minutes, because he thinks that you have many shortcomings.
He may understand that he will not pull a woman like you.. For example, your bag is more expensive than his car, and you are used to receiving such things as a gift.
You talked a lot about exes or relationships in general. For you, this topic is important and interesting, but not for him. He wants to talk about himself, his business, or just talk about art.
It seemed to him that it was not him, but he was chosen. Men are used to making their own choices, and then suddenly it seemed to him that it was you who came to have fun and appreciate him. He wants the woman on the first date to be involved with him.
You accidentally got tipsy after drinking a couple of cocktails. This can happen, but not every man will like it. After such a situation, he will definitely merge.

If a man courted you for a long time and achieved his goal, and then disappeared after the first sex, then this may be due to various reasons. It often happens that the first sex happens suddenly, for example, on a first date. Why does the man disappear in this case? Here are the answers to this question:

Hormones. In women, after sexual intercourse with a man, the hormone oxytocin rises, which is responsible for the feeling of happiness in our body. tenderness and pleasant words it lowers testosterone levels. Therefore, a man goes in search of feats that will help to do something brutal and masculine to restore the balance of hormones.
He feels guilty. He ended up in bed too early, he thinks, and therefore he has a feeling of guilt towards you. It gnaws at him from the inside and so the man decides to just disappear.
He got more than he expected. A man is by nature a winner. He wants to conquer. He must understand that he deserved the right to be with you, that is, time must pass after your first acquaintance. If he got everything he wanted too quickly, then his behavior will be obvious.

If sex has already happened, and the man is gone, don't be humiliated - don't call and don't insist on the next date. So you will scare him even more. Just wait a while, he might have important things to do. But, if he does not want to see you and avoids meetings and conversations, then why do you need him?

Where and for how long men disappear: male psychology

Men live next to us, take care, give gifts, invite them on dates, but they have their own rules of the game. Wise woman should know about these rules in order to be not just a girlfriend, but to rise in his eyes to another status - a beloved girl, wife and mother of his children. Where and for how long do men disappear? Basics of male psychology:

Men don't admit their mistakes

They want to be the best, and although a man understands that he did wrong, he does not want to hear about it from a woman.
He should see only admiration - this is important for any man.
If a woman constantly reminds him of his mistakes, then sooner or later he will go to the one who will admire him.
In this case, men go to other women who understand them and read praises about his unsurpassed skills.

Men are not used to having long-term relationships

Only women think about marriage, and he loves his freedom and cherishes it.
It’s quite another if he is in love, then you can get your way and insist on something serious.
Otherwise, he will go to his bachelor apartment to regain the sense of freedom that they tried to take away from him.

He needs approval

A man loves to be the best in everything. He boasts to friends, colleagues and to his woman.
If his boasting is approved and accepted by a woman who is not indifferent to him, then he will move mountains for her sake.
If not, then he will leave to look for such a woman who will listen to him with her mouth open. Therefore, there should always be delight in your eyes.

A man likes specifics

He does not understand hints and hidden requests. If you think that your chosen one should read minds and be a psychic, you are wrong. The human brain is wired differently.
You must communicate verbally and explain to him in words your desires.
He is used to asking concrete questions and get clear information.
If you cannot accept this, then the man will not understand you. This is fraught with his departure to the one who is ready to speak with him openly.

Emotions are not his forte

Men are by nature stingy with emotions. If he has trouble at work, he will walk around sullen and dream of not being touched by his children and wife.
It is important for a woman to wait out this moment, and not to aggravate the situation, causing him headache and unpleasant emotions.
If a woman’s wisdom is not enough, then he will just want to run away to where he will not be touched.
Perhaps he will eventually tell everything or show his nerves and go to a friend's bachelor apartment.

Don't try to change his psychology. Seize the moment: sympathize, prepare it favorite dish and literally spoon-feed. At the same time, be sincere, then the real woman's happiness you are provided.

A man disappears for several days, for a month, does not write, does not call, then appears: how to respond to this?

It often happens that he leaves, does not write or call, and then appears and, as if nothing had happened, says words of love. Then it disappears again for several days or months. A woman waits, endures and dreams that the behavior of a man will change. But this does not happen, and the situation repeats itself again. How to respond to the fact that a man disappears for several days, for a month, does not write, does not call, then appears? Here are some tips:

Think it can be fixed

Perhaps there is conflict in your relationship.
He lives with you until he gets tired of swearing or scenes of jealousy.
Then he leaves and returns, because he has feelings, or he is simply attracted to this conflict.
You should change your character a little and not make a scene, then maybe another man will appear in your life - understanding, reasonable and wise.

He only likes you sexually

After satisfying his interests, he disappears, and then reappears.
In this case, the man does not intend to build long term relationship and so he goes to live his life.
You must decide for yourself if you need this attitude. Everything is in your hands and every person has the right to control his own destiny.

He is a typical introvert

A man wants emotional intimacy he comes. Then everything gets boring, he leaves.
Events will develop in this way constantly, until you get tired of it.
Try once not to let him into your life. He either leaves forever or stays.

Of course, women are much more patient creatures than men, however, and from time to time they begin to look for other options. Why does a woman lose interest in a man?

There are fewer women in Russia. Perhaps that is why we are so obedient, patient and accommodating here. Although from time to time strange things happen to us male brain metamorphosis, and we lose interest. And to whom?! To such a smart, brave and good man. And even if he does not know how to hammer nails, clumsily jokes and earns less than us, we still simply have to thank fate for the fact that we have him. And we break down. Why?

Agree, it happens that you meet a person who you like. And it seems like you have a lot in common, you have fun together and all that, and therefore he suddenly disappears once. Last week we tried to understand, and now let's figure out why a woman loses interest.

By the way, it was much more difficult to deal with women, because, by virtue of their nature, they often find it difficult to give exact answers. And yet:

She met a man...better.

Yes, it’s probably unethical to apply the adjective “better” to a living person ... to a man ... Yes, although there are worse men, there are better men, and you can’t get away from it. The reality is harsh, and it often destroys seemingly strong couples, just because a real prince has appeared on the path of a woman. And so she thought, thought, and did right choice. She left her worthless little man and went to a brighter future. And she didn’t explain anything to anyone, because she is a woman, and everything is possible for her. Phew…

He left no personal space.

No, (although my boss recently told me that this is what they call me in some of our social groups). I'm quite the opposite. And most often it is the woman who begins to stifle her man with attention, not giving him the opportunity to at least sometimes be alone or in the company of old friends. But there are also reverse situations - a man pursues a woman, is jealous of her, does not allow her to feel at least a little freedom. Sometimes it comes to the point of absurdity - one of my acquaintances told me that her ex-young man liked to try on her shirts (those that she had not yet had time to wash). But it's really a "clinic". And in order not to plunge into intricate explanations why she decided to leave him so golden-attentive, the woman decides to slip away slowly.

The woman simply does not want to explain anything.

For different reasons. She does not want to offend him (). Or she doesn't like him, for reasons she doesn't understand. In a word, she made a decision for herself to end the affair. And she doesn't know how to tell him about it, because visible reasons there is no way to end a relationship. And the woman decides to disappear from his life. Happens.