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What is presented to you above is a personal structure, when a person lacks one or two structural abilities, then the relationship will correspond to one or another "breakdown" and will contain conflicts if not suffering. These "breakdowns" come from childhood again. Do you understand this? And if not, then we will give you a broader concept of structural disorganization, which does not allow you to build successful and happy relationship... This is personal infantilism.



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An Infant is an adult person according to his passport, but with childish values ​​and attitudes that were once adopted from their parents many years ago and certainly cannot provide a real or at least close to reality perception of oneself and others. Personal infantilism is also terrible in that it does not allow a person to grow to a Personality.

1. Infant's ideas about the world, people, life are simplified and flattened. And if the Personality lives in real world, then the Infant - in the illusory due to distorted or old-fashioned internal attitudes.
2. The personality sees life as complex and multidimensional. The Infante presents her as a kind of kinder surprise, for example: "Love is a miracle and it will come by itself, if necessary!" You just need to understand which side to unfold, and then you will find solid chocolate and a nice little present inside.
3. A person learns from his own and others' mistakes. The Infante, stepping on the same rake, is surprised every time.
4. The personality is trying to comprehend the laws of life. The Infante craves recipes, tips and diagrams.
5. The person wants to understand what is happiness for her. The Infante is guided by the "so is it" principle.
6. Over the years, the personality becomes deeper, more interesting, smarter. The Infante does not change.
7. The personality creates its own life. The Infante can only imitate. Therefore, all the Infants are stuffed to the eyeballs with stamps. On different cases life: from simple - what to wear to serious - what to think, how to live.
8. The personality changes itself. The Infante seeks to change others or accuses him of being misunderstood.


About love in a relationship and why there is none.

The fact is that the concept of love in people with personal infantilism is close to the understanding of love as something elusive "love is or is not", "love is a miracle." Therefore, many women want a man to be easy, warm, fun and pleasant with him. To provide, take care and protect. So that he was smart, handsome, spiritually delicate, generous, with a sense of humor and, of course, rich ... And for this she promises to devote best years, to give affection, love and stimulate to even greater achievements. But all this is a very, very illusory notion of relationships!



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No and never was perfect relationship, even if there were, then they also contained grievances, quarrels, not satisfied needs and injustice. But such a concept of the relationship between a man and a woman can only indicate a hobby. Where feelings are like sparkler, which quickly flashes, burns brightly and just as quickly goes out. Looking at the charred stick, the Infante decides that he was again unlucky. Perhaps this is why infants cannot have a serious relationship with anyone for a long time. They blame it on the difference in tastes, temperaments, on circumstances ... But the point is quite different.

When the concept of responsibility remains only a concept.

People usually argue about how people are attracted: opposites are attracted or like is attracted to like. In fact, both. But if you go deeper, then the unhappy person (even if he pretends to be happy) attracts the same unfortunate person to himself, and here the infantile personality attracts the infantile one. Because none of them can hide the inner truth and values, simply because they are. And if so, all the signs infantile personality do not form the ability to be responsible for relationships at all. Either he or she is to blame!



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For example: a girl who is convinced that she is a gift that can decorate the life of any man, in fact, you need to find someone who can sit on his neck. Who would have kept her, protected her, never ceasing to understand ... And why should a man with an infantile personal organization need this burden? Life in our time is not a problem; from a practical point of view, a woman is not needed in the household. And the young ladies around a dime a dozen. You can have a great time together - while he is comfortable with this young lady. And while she does not get him with marriage. Now imagine that such people began to live together: life together will be based on the principles of who "manipulates whom". Add here immature emotionality and, as a result, coldness and indifference to other people's problems, pain and joy. "Chained by one chain", they live together and at the same time do not see, do not understand, do not respect each other. However, it is considered normal family. Similar marriages oh how many and just not

And now we, unfortunately, will upset all those girls who have setbacks in personal life... There are real men, but tell me, why does a living person need a “robot” programmed with old attitudes or, in general, other people's attitudes? Is this food for thought for you?

Once again about love ...

In fact, most people need a partner to cohabitation... There is nothing wrong. So 100 years ago, both nobles and peasants got married. But in order to marry in this way, one needs sobriety of thought and elementary honesty, which the Infant is not capable of. I remember how completely simple woman described her marriage to me: “My husband respects me - I'm an economic one. And I respect him - he rarely drinks, his hands are golden, and what will never talk to me, so I'll go to my neighbor. " Cynically? No, honestly, this is probably how most marriages are made. However, the most frequently mentioned word in letters is "love." And everyone is waiting for love! Ready for it! They just haven't had any luck yet ...



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But there is love, but it is not for the Infants. This is an adult feeling. You cannot buy it, you cannot get it by pull, you cannot steal it, you cannot take it away, you cannot beg. One can only mature before him. Grow up! And there is one proven remedy, which is never mentioned in glamorous literature, so as not to frighten the reader: only pain can make a person change, start personal growth or at least . So, the pain of your own stupidity makes you grow wiser, the pain of your coldness makes you warm. The Infante, like the devil of incense, is afraid of suffering.

But if you want to stay in what is, then the relationship will still be the same. Or work, change and improve, invest in yourself and it will not be free!

Love, like many other feelings, has an expiration date. Unfortunately, few are lucky enough to experience love to the grave. It seems that everything is calm and good in life, but one morning, when you wake up, you clearly understand that there is a stranger next to you, that the relationship has reached a dead end - you need to leave, but you do not leave and torment both yourself and him. Why?

One of the common pretexts is habit. You are accustomed to this person, you know what to expect from him, how to live with him and conduct a dialogue. But you can't build a relationship on the ashes of past feelings. Don't look back - look to the future.

Women are afraid to go into the unknown, to a new man. There, beyond the border, it is not clear how the relationship will begin to develop, there will be ups and downs, and here it may be lousy, but everything is clear beforehand.

The largest female fear- fear of loneliness. This applies to women of any age. Surprisingly, many representatives of the fairer sex cling to a man as a last hope, even if, apart from swearing and mutual claims, nothing else binds them. Such a relationship should certainly end and quickly.

You need to learn to love yourself, part with unnecessary things and people, to raise their self-esteem to the proper level.

Desire to be the center of attention. All complexes originate from childhood. The girl, once disliked by her parents, makes up for the previous lack of care by the current ones. hopeless relationship, giving the man unfounded hopes for the continuation of the novel. Such girls need to be loved and adored by absolutely all familiar and unfamiliar men.

Leave and not return

You need to clearly realize and decide for yourself that you do not want to continue and further development relationships. There is only one way out - to complete the novel completely without any reservations.

If you cannot figure out yourself, internal torment on your own, contact a psychologist, at whose reception you can tell the reasons for your worries. And he, in turn, will help you sort out your feelings.

Lead The Diary, in which you can record all incoming emotions, feelings, thoughts. After rereading the records with a fresh mind, you will probably understand what exactly you want.

Having decided on such important step, think about your partner too. Such things cannot be said at once. Prepare for the conversation. Please select neutral territory- some small restaurant or cafe, a crowded place where you cannot give free rein to your senses.

Try to explain to the chosen one as accurately as possible, calmly, without raising your voice, why your relationship is at an impasse and you do not want to continue. Put a point: develop all doubts so that in the future the person does not bother you with calls and messages, feeding groundless hopes.

Of course, after a breakup it is impossible to remain friends, but try not to bring the relationship to a sworn enmity.

In order not to break loose and not try to return everything, take what appears free time something useful: sports, yoga, cooking or sewing courses, learning foreign languages. Soon, sick emotions will recede, and you will begin to live a measured life.

There are situations in life when, for some reason, you need to finish relationship... Of course, most of these situations are associated with the need to break off close, intimate relationship with the person you are addicted to. In this case, you must understand that it depends only on you whether you can do it. Psychologists offer techniques that can make this difficult step easier for you.

Instructions

First of all, analyze the current situation, and if inevitable, tune in decisively to interrupt relationship... Free yourself from any desire, think about what you are afraid of and what fears are holding you back. Start fighting to overcome them. Try to separate your personality from the personality of the person you depend on. Raise your self-esteem and learn to live without the object of your affection.

Start writing a diary of your relationship, describe your thoughts and feelings, record your relationship, analyze them. By rereading it, you will understand, they are actually guiding you, identify behavioral patterns and emotional reactions to repetitive situations. Start giving to yourself from the position of a wise, experienced person, set yourself up for the fact that you have already grown and become strong man able to live.

In that difficult period you need the support of your friends the most. Maybe it makes sense to trust several people, because you will relive your situation again and again, talking about it, and it will be difficult for one person to listen to it all. Plus, you have the chance to listen to multiple points of view. It will be easier for you if you see people around you who are not indifferent to your life.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello. My name is Sergey, I am twenty-four years old, not married, I have no children.

I have the following problem. On this moment I am in a relationship with a girl of sixteen. Our relationship lasts a little over six months. It just so happened that I fell in love with this girl, and when we got to know each other closely, it turned out that she was sixteen years old. At first it embarrassed me, the age difference was painfully great, but at first it was very good, at first, everything went well with her, and I love her very much, so I could not resist, and we started dating. As I said, at first everything worked out very well for us, even too much. But the happiness did not last long, a little less than two months. Already about a month later, I noticed that she was still chatting with some of the guys in VK and hiding it from me, talking to someone on the phone and not wanting me to talk to anyone, often in the company of other guys, but he doesn't say anything to me. At first, I reacted more or less calmly to this, they say, age and all that, but over time, patience ran out, and I began to express my dissatisfaction with her about this. We started to quarrel. But even looking at the quarrels, in the intervals between them, and by and large there were not so many of them, everything was fine. And as I said, everything changed after almost two months. The day started well, but then suddenly she said that she needed to talk. And already in the conversation, she told me that they say nothing will work out for us. At first, her argument was that I would leave her, she would bother me, and I would leave her. I assured her that this will not happen. This is actually so, I am confident in my feelings and my intentions about this girl are the most serious, even when we started dating, we both agreed that if the relationship, then only serious and permanent, or it is better not to start anything at all. Then I told her that a much more likely scenario is that she will leave me, she is much younger, beautiful, she is tired of me and she will find herself another. When I said this to her, I counted on the fact that she would deny it, then I will try again to convince her that I will not leave her, and we will re-establish relations. I was sure of this, since before that the question of parting was not even close to being raised, everything happened instantly. But to my surprise, she did not deny this, and in the end the conversation turned into the fact that she herself did not know if she wanted to continue the relationship. This whole conversation of ours lasted a long and painful, but in the end, towards evening, she still gave the answer that I wanted to hear. She still said that she loved me and wanted to be with me. Everything worked out again, and for a while it was good again, although after this conversation I still had a sediment. And it was then that this painful thought began to make its way into my head: what if it will be so, what if it leaves me. At first, I somehow dealt with it. But over time, this thought became more and more painful. The problem was aggravated by the fact that she would soon go to study and, most likely, to another city. So we will rarely see her, and she is a girl who enjoys attention. And the closer this day, the stronger the thoughts of parting. But for some time I convinced myself that I was winding it up, they say everything is fine. But over time, I began to notice that our relationship had deteriorated, it seemed to me that she was losing interest in me. I again long time I tried to convince myself that these are my illusions. But over time, it became really obvious. She didn’t want to walk with me, she almost stopped responding in social networks. networks, on the phone almost stopped communicating. It was one of the most difficult periods... I did not see a way out of it. I tried to improve our relationship, to diversify them (at least it seemed to me), but I was faced with her reluctance to go to a meeting. And if you asked her directly, she replied that everything was fine. So everything went on for some time in agonizing uncertainty. Until one day we both did not gather strength and talked frankly with each other. As a result, we came to the conclusion that our relationship was no longer the same and that it could not continue this way and that something had to be done about it. I completely agreed that this cannot continue and something must be done about it. But I did not want to end the relationship, I wanted to somehow improve it, and she, in turn, categorically wished to leave. And so we parted, parting I endure very painfully, all kinds of thoughts have never visited me: from suicide (I can't believe it myself) to making peace with her. So everything went on until she herself came to me and asked for forgiveness, said that she loved and wanted to be with me. I could not resist, especially in that state of mine and naturally made peace with her. And here we are with her again, everything seems to be fine. Even to some extent, everything flared up with past passion... But as before, my stah will not let me go. The fear that she would leave me, and now this fear has become much stronger. Since I already went through the problem that she does not know if she wants to be with me, I went through parting and on own experience made sure that I endure it very painfully. And if this happens again, how I will react to it, it is difficult for me to say. Now, despite the fact that everything seems to be normal, all the illusions are gone, and I realized that everything is real and the parting and that she will go to another. And I am very afraid of this. Moreover, my stah is warmed up by those around me, who all unanimously say that nothing will work out for you. And at the moment I am on the verge of collapse. I can't look fear in the eye and come to terms with the fact that she might leave, I really gave a lot to this relationship, so to speak, I approached with all my heart and I just can't imagine another life (without her), and I can’t finish everything myself. I can’t, for the above reason, and I don’t want to. But even with the remnants of all my common sense, I understand that those around me are most likely right, that the chance that we will stay together with her is devilishly small, and most likely something that I am so afraid of will happen. But you can't argue with your emotions. And at the moment I'm torn between "heart" and mind, common sense... And the only thing that can somehow calm me down now is to hear from her a clear, concrete answer, without a doubt that she loves me and is confident in her feelings, and she too serious intentions and see some kind of response that would really show her readiness to serious relationship... But there is no such reaction, we are essentially just spending time together, just walking. Yes, we are having a good time, but nothing more and I cannot hear from her what I want, she herself does not speak, when I push her to this she dodges, but ask directly - she will either dodge the answer again, or will give it to me, but it will be, only to calm me down.

And speaking briefly about my problem, it consists in the fact that I really want this relationship, because I cannot imagine myself without them, but I cannot believe in their possibility, and there are good reasons for this, as I believe. And I would like to hear your opinion on this situation and in particular on the chances and expediency of this relationship.

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello Sergey. I recommend that you see a psychologist and work through your fear of being alone, without this girl. It is clear from your letter that you do not see your life without it (as you yourself write), that thoughts of a possible parting unsettle you and all your mental work is aimed at getting an answer that soothes your strong inner anxiety: parting is not will, she loves you and will never leave you. But the reality is that even if your girlfriend says these words to you in a clear and confident voice, this does not mean that she will follow them tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. And this is not because she is young or she will lie to you. But because the world is chaotic, changeable, and if today you love each other, this does not mean at all that it will be so in a few months and years. You need to work on long-term relationships, take steps forward, retreat somewhere and be alone. Somewhere along the way, your roads may separate. And if the thought of this causes you fear, if you have no idea how you will survive the break with her, then I advise you to contact a psychologist. Such fear can speak of codependency, loss of oneself in a relationship, and (more deeply) incomplete psychological separation from the mother. An experienced psychotherapist will help you cope with this and the relationship with your girlfriend will cease to be so painful for you. Rating 4.00 (3 Votes)

, Comments (1) to record Long-term relationship disabled

Hello, Elena!

I am 22, and I am in a long-term relationship with a man, we have been together for 5 years. We loved each other very much, for the first three years I heard the words “I love you” every day. He was an authority for me in all plans - as a person, as a man, as a musician. I learned from him, became stronger, more independent, overcame my complexes, the traumas of my childhood.

Now our relationship has cooled down. 5 months ago we came to live together, and he insisted that I meet with my friends without him, go to sports. I became active, independent, I set goals for myself, I try to meet friends anyway, even late at night, ride a bike, be well-groomed, go to a sports club.

Now I am more active than him: I work outside the home, and he has his own business, and he works from home, he does not have a standardized schedule. I gave him a gym membership, said that the sight of a man with a barbell turns me on, but he never got there. Since we moved in together, it has become rare for us to have sex - only 2-3 times a month. He is often unhappy, he does not like that I am sometimes not at home in the evening, I only once heard from him during this time that he loves me.

He goes to bed late, at 3-4 in the morning, that is, we do not fall asleep together and do not have breakfast. When I come home in the evening, he will cook a meal, but it's half an hour, then he is again at the computer, and I take care of myself and go to bed. If he doesn't want intimacy, he just pushes me away, if I don't want to, everything turns out to be uninteresting. For six months now, our desire has not coincided.

Sometimes on weekends I deliberately stay with him, and I see his back because of the computer and displeasure at me, I just get together and find where to go. I do not understand this distance in our relationship. Is this natural for a 6th year relationship? Can I gently nudge him to be more active? Where is the line between partners' independence and indifference?

I have a feeling that he lives according to the model of his family. I don’t understand which role to choose, I am an independent person, I don’t seem to need him. But we already have nothing in common, we are just partners or a brother and sister, I don't see what keeps us together then, if he doesn't even want sex. I don't want to find fault and spoil the relationship, but now sometimes you have to cry quietly in the bathroom or just go out to smoke.

I once told him that he does not give me his hand when I get out of the minibus in heels, and he replied that he always does, and continued to leave without turning around. How would you characterize this situation? Is this a stage of a long-term relationship or are we moving in the wrong direction, have I taken the wrong position? I am afraid that further we will only have household or business relationship or friendship. And at least I want sex.

Hello.

Despite the fact that you have a long-term relationship, you have been living together for only 5 months, so what is happening between you can be considered a crisis of the first year life together... All couples go through this crisis in one form or another, and it manifests itself in this way: you look at your loved one and understand that he is not at all what he seemed before. Close person and cannot be the way you want, because we all grow in different families and getting used to different styles of family life. The purpose of this phase is to create new rules that are suitable only for your family.

Your boyfriend has always been an authority for you, so naturally, you also rely on his views on family life... But these are only his views and desires, you can not share them and together with him change your life together so that it brings you satisfaction.

First you need to find out what his and your views on those things in which you do not agree. For example, find out how often he himself would like to have sex. Is such rare sex a normal situation for him, or has his desire also subsided for some reason? Is the communication that you have now enough for him or does he also lack it, and he just does not know what to do together? Perhaps you have really become by different people over time, you will not be able to find compromises that would suit both of you, but at the same time, there is a chance that you will find them.

It is very important to talk about what you are unhappy with, and not suppress your dissatisfaction and not hide your tears. Sometimes people are afraid to ruin the relationship with reproaches and, but from the accumulation of discontent, the harm is much greater, because it cannot be accumulated endlessly, someday an explosion will occur, during which it will no longer be possible to find constructive ways to solve the problem. In addition, it is not necessary to harass your partner with reproaches, you just need to make him understand that changes are very important to you, and suggest specific ways or behavior that would suit you.

Do not expect your partner to hear you the first time, because his habits have been developing over the years, and no matter how much he loves you, it is always difficult to change habits, and no one wants to do this. If you want your partner to change any of your habits, you first need to understand whether he is ready to change it. If ready, then usually 3-4 reminders are needed in order for him to get used to doing it differently. If you have already made 10 reminders, and he still does the old way, then you should resume the conversation about this, since it seems that the partner has agreed to your terms, but in reality he does not want to change anything.

Probably, you have already realized that the development of such a style of living together that would suit both is a long and difficult process, it usually lasts about six months, because everything that does not suit you needs to be discussed separately and, as a rule, more than once. But this is how it is created new family, with its own rules.

What prevents a woman from creating a long-term relationship with a man, getting married and building happy family? There can be many reasons. But what is the main reason, or at least one of the most important? What is the most common cause?

This reason is, oddly enough, the woman's initiative when meeting men and in further relationships with them.

This behavior strategy only seems to be correct and effective. However, in fact, it only works at the very beginning of a relationship and, in fact, destroys these very relationships in the bud. (The point is that a woman wants a long-term relationship and marriage). If you get used to the initiative, then it’s quite difficult to abandon it later, because the woman has already become convinced that it “works” and the theoretical reasoning that in the long term the initiative only worsens is very difficult to operate.

For example, overeating, smoking, and alcohol. Many people understand that overeating, smoking and alcohol are very unhealthy. But positive effect(pleasure) comes now, and the harm is somewhere out there, after many years.

Therefore, the purpose of my article is, first of all, to warn women against taking initiative in relationships with men. After all, the initiative lays a crack in the relationship, through which later these relationships will surely collapse. (It is not even necessary, in the literal sense of the word, a divorce).

What is this initiative and why is it bad for relationships with men? I will formulate the law male thinking, and then I will decipher it a little. The most modest, the most lacking in initiative, the most shy and insecure in life, a man wants to conquer his woman himself, and not be conquered by her.

This law, of course, was not invented by me. It was invented by nature for all mammals and then extended to humans. This law says that a woman must somehow show that she needs a man (sometimes this is not necessary), and a man, if interested, must go to the conquest of a woman. Conquest shouldn't be too easy. There must be some small competition between males or some kind of running after the female, dancing in front of her, etc.

And not the other way around. The female in more or less close to us animals never runs after the male, unless nature itself has something in the genes.

What happens if a woman herself begins to take the initiative? For example, she herself meets a man, calls him herself, forces the relationship herself and runs to the male herself?

Let's go back to instincts, which control our life by 70-80 percent. If a male (male) ran after a female, fought with other males for her (in our time, more often in a figurative sense, with money, confidence, success, etc.), then he felt himself a winner, he did a great job filled with meaning and gets long-term satisfaction from it, sometimes for decades. Some men (Don Juans) even get stuck in this state.

If the male (male) does not need to run after the female, does not need to compete with any of the other males, does not need to overcome his fear, shyness, etc., and the female herself runs to him, then what will happen?

Some of the males from such unexpected behavior just scatter. After all, he came to conquer, to hunt, and not to be hunted for him. But some considerable part will be insanely happy.

Yes, there is something to be happy about. This is such a "freebie", the man will think. (I repeat that these are not necessarily thoughts in the mind). You don't need to run after anyone, you don't need to fight with anyone, you don't need to overcome fear of women, try to do something, try to become better. Nothing of this is needed, everything jumps into your hands by itself. This is probably something like receiving a large and completely undeserved bonus at work.

However, a small "but" arises here. After all, a man has inherent innate instincts (for example, success) that must be fulfilled. If they are not fulfilled, then some kind of emptiness arises inside, which cannot be filled with any comfort, no family happiness and no amount of money. One of these strong instincts is to achieve a woman yourself.

If instinct, mission, karma, or whatever you call it, are not fulfilled, then there are several options, but they are all reasonably good for a woman. The most common way to start a relationship is that a man, after several weeks (less often months) of sex with a woman, begins to look for another woman for himself. If a family has already been created, which is not so easy initiative women, then sometimes a man begins to commit adultery, drink, etc.

Therefore, taking the initiative in relationships with men is quite gross mistake... At first, a woman may feel that the problem is being removed. There are more men, men are getting better (richer, more beautiful, more confident). But then a problem arises. None of these men can be brought to marriage. And it would be okay to have such a man alone. But if such one relationship, then the second and tenth, then it is very possible that this is the case.

Sometimes it happens that a woman does get married, but then if the initiative behavior continues, then a second marriage follows, a third, or even one, then not very happy, to put it mildly.

For example, at one point a woman, who has become in the habit of getting to know men herself and taking further initiative in relationships, read somewhere about the dangers of initiative in relationships with men. What's happening?

As you probably already guessed, the number of men can be reduced to zero. After all, initiative, good or bad, worked in a relationship. If you remove it, and do not put anything in its place, then the output will be zero. And yet there is nothing to deliver. After all, there are no other methods of meeting men in a woman's arsenal. Their development takes some time and effort. At the beginning, as with any other skill, it will turn out badly. Therefore, there is always a risk to return to "proven" methods of communication with men, including the manifestation of initiative.

In conclusion of the review of the initiative, I will answer enough frequent question, which sounds something like this: “I do not show initiative when communicating with a man, but he also does not show it. Goes around the bush. I see that a man likes me, but he just can't ask for a date (continue the relationship, etc.). "

First, women are often mistaken in thinking that a man's passivity is caused by his shyness.

It is quite rare that the reason for the passivity of a man is precisely in shyness. This is possible if a man likes a woman he does not know on the street or somewhere in a store. But if a man knows a woman and at least occasionally communicates with her, then this is unlikely.

There can be a lot of reasons and it can be difficult to guess them in absentia. Maybe a man has a girlfriend, maybe he has no money and nowhere to lead the girl, maybe the girl is too critical, initiative, does not know how to listen, does not like the man enough, and there may still be quite a few reasons. Uncertainty in the list of reasons is one of the very last places. That is, if a woman thinks that a man likes her, but he does nothing, then this does not mean at all that he does nothing out of embarrassment. Most likely the reason is different.

If the reason is different, and this happens very often, then the initiative on the part of the woman is doubly harmful.

Secondly, some women are difficult for a man to approach, and some are easy. Some are easy to ask out and some are difficult.

The same man, with the same degree of confidence / shyness, easily approaches and builds relationships with one woman and with great difficulty approaches (if at all approaches) another woman, while he cannot establish minimal contact with her.

In order for a man to come up, it is not even necessary for a woman to flirt with him, to be friendly, and even more so to show initiative in one way or another. Such examples when a woman is absolutely indifferent to a specific man, and he runs after her, the sea.

The reason that a man can achieve a woman who does not pay attention to him is the ability to behave femininely.

Femininity in behavior is too broad a topic that I tried to cover in the book How to Fall in Love with a Man for Life and Marry Successfully, I recommend reading. But if applied to the topic of our article, then a man should feel at least for a while and in some area stronger than women... If he feels this, then he can seek a woman despite the possibility of refusal, lack of coquetry, or even repeated refusal. After all, it is not at all so scary to receive a rejection from a person whom you perceive as weaker than yourself, is it? And it is very scary to receive a rejection from a person whom you consider stronger than yourself, more influential, etc.

Therefore, if a woman knows or learns to behave femininely, which in the context of the question means weaker than a man in some matters, then a man simply cannot remain the same as he was. If he really likes a woman, then he will definitely take the initiative. He simply has no choice, such a law of human life.

I will bring the situation to the point of absurdity. Let's say there is a man who has absolutely no leadership qualities... In the company of men or women of his own age, he never becomes a leader. And now, due to circumstances, he remains among several 3-year-old children. Quite a little time will pass and he will almost inevitably become the "leader" among them. Why? Is it this man got stronger? Of course not. The environment became weaker.

I, of course, do not propose to go to the point of absurdity and sink you to the state of 3 year old child... I didn't even claim that men love weak women... Men love women who are a little weaker than him (seem weaker) and, most importantly, do not claim his mythical leadership. Accordingly, sometimes in a relationship with a man, becoming a little weaker, or at least being able to seem, is very useful.

And then where does the initiative come from men, I myself am surprised. (Unless, of course, for a woman this is not a one-time behavior against the background of 10 years of initiative).

In total, the initiative of a woman in a relationship with a man is a very gross mistake. The main danger this error is that it is completely invisible. At first, it even seems that it is useful and men are getting more and they are better. This is absolutely not the case. The initiative will spoil any potential good relationship... The woman's initiative spoils the men themselves. Learn to behave in such a way that the man takes the initiative and your relationship with him will be an order of magnitude better, especially in the long term.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.