The girl yells at the guy. stinging

11.04.2019

Determining the signs of a man's sympathy is not always easy at a glance. There are hard nuts who have learned to hide their emotions deep. But they can be figured out if you are observant enough.

How to determine that a man likes you? If everything is serious on your part, you want your expectations to be true, then you risk seeing something that is not really there. Therefore, try to be objective, and knowledge of psychology will help you in this.

He doesn't mind spending time with you.

If a man does not look for excuses when you offer to spend time, this indicates that you are pleasant to him. Even if for now obvious sympathy no. If there is love, he will not only gladly agree, but from time to time he himself will offer you to go to the cinema, for which he accidentally had a random ticket, then take you home, then have lunch with you. With such activity, it is difficult to doubt that you are indifferent to him.

Shows increased attention

Completely inexperienced young people try to attract the attention of a girl they like in any way. Previously, they pulled pigtails, now they can sting. If you see that some guy is constantly making jokes in your direction, but at the same time completely harmless, you may be sympathetic to him. Do not be afraid to catch his eye if he is embarrassed, as if in love.

loves to look at you

Views are a whole other issue. The way a man looks at “his” woman is difficult to confuse with anything else. It can be a dreamy or absent look: the guy looked at you and dreamed, but forgot to look away. If a guy wants you, it’s like a veil appears in his eyes, and he can’t tear himself away from you either. He will certainly look around your lips, and maybe at the same time he will bite his own. If he hides his beautiful eyes from you, either he has done something, or he is simply afraid to betray his love. The second option is more likely.

Help and protect

If your communication can be called friendly, but you are not yet a couple, prepare for the fact that he will take on the role of your patron. You need help - he's right there. In disputes, he is always on your country. And if he develops a discussion, then only in order to enjoy your attention. Such a man will be content with the role of a friend for a long time, so that later he will probably build a serious relationship.

If a young woman is overly fond of some man, she loses the ability to soberly assess his behavior towards herself. In the head of the young lady, the thought is spinning all the time - does this person like her? The desire to get an affirmative answer to this question is so strong that girls in love involuntarily begin to juggle the facts, think out some details and invent motives for a man's behavior. Each of his actions, each look is regarded from the point of view of feelings. Did the guy give his hand at the exit and the tram? So, indifferent. How long does he look towards the lady? Surely in love. Invited to dine together or paid for coffee? Clearly wants to get to know each other better!

However, the reality may be different. The man gave his hand, because he was well-mannered, he looked at the girl for a long time because he was just thinking, and he invited him to dine out of boredom. If the young lady were breathing evenly in his direction, she would not attach any importance to this at all. But through the prism of feelings, such actions are perceived differently! The girl believes that she is being intensively shown signs of attention, more and more convincing herself that she is loved. She spends a lot of effort, time and energy on arranging sometimes completely unpromising relationship. And dreams that may be empty. And what is the result? And as a result, disappointment, tears, suffering of unrequited love, a drop in self-esteem. But the blow could be softened if the poor thing knew what the fact that a man fell in love expressed.

How men fall in love

Whatever they say about the cynicism of the stronger sex, that the peasants, they say, only need sex, this is not true. Our dear gentlemen are able to fall in love seriously. But they often consider the appearance, and even more so the manifestation of feelings, weakness and hide behind the image of a seeker of a bed girlfriend. Or an impregnable idol.

How does a man's love begin? First, out of many women, one is reflexively selected. The guy’s gaze clings to her, in his head it’s as if something explodes, thrown into the blood increased amount testosterone. In just a fraction of a second, a young man manages to imagine himself with this lady in a restaurant, and on a walk in the park, and in bed, and even in the registry office. Someone goes further and imagines common children and a happy old age together with a young lady. But at the same time, consciously, a man may not at all be going to marry the person he likes. It's just that his psyche is so arranged that it instantly scans everything possible options developing a relationship with someone who seems more attractive than others.

Once a woman is chosen, she automatically becomes the center of interest for her potential suitor. No, he doesn't feel for the object yet. heightened attention no special tenderness, no desire to protect, help and care. The guy's thoughts are still mostly occupied with pressing matters. But the process of falling in love has already begun. It is impossible to stop him. At first, it's not very noticeable. Already hooked by the hooligan-Venus, the young man behaves almost the same as before. He devotes a lot of time to work, hobbies, friends. And then…

Then, suddenly, many actions of such a seemingly purposeful, collected, serious and by no means inclined to lyrics men begin to resemble the behavior of a naughty teenager. He can forget about an important matter, incur cheerful nonsense during a business conversation, be rude to his superiors, show up to his office in a biker outfit, and in general sometimes throw out such tricks that you are simply amazed. For example, a still restrained intellectual suddenly tries to fight with someone or climbs into a fountain to swim. And the boorish, not giving anyone a descent type jumps into an elegant suit, hangs a tie around his neck and begins to recite poetry.

In a word, if a man is already seriously in love, the king in his head goes home. Reason is losing control, thoughts are wandering around, anarchy is walking in the soul. As a result, the most important thing for a person who has gone crazy from the influx of feelings is the desire to see the object of love as often as possible. Everything else - work, hobbies, meetings with friends - fades into the background. The main thing is to be closer to your passion, meet eyes, hear her voice, inhale the scent of perfume, touch.

If a young man is in the same company with the young lady he is in love with, he tries to show himself with better side. Moreover, the concept of this “better side” is different for everyone. Someone is sure that women only like financial bigwigs, and puffs up like a turkey, emphasizing their importance in the business world. Someone believes that young ladies should be conquered with wit, and releases all sorts of jokes and puns to the place and out of place. Someone is trying to buy a girl with flattery and is full of compliments. There are also those who demonstrate ferocity and brandish their fists for any reason in the belief that the weaker sex loves only the strong.

The behavior of a man in love can be compared with the behavior of a peacock spreading its tail when a female appears. He tries to show off his mind, pulling quotes and aphorisms he once read from the far corners of his memory, talks about his exploits and victories, flexes his muscles, puts on airs ... In a word, he tries to look the best of the best. In general, when young people are in love and madly want to please a girl, they usually choose three typical looks .

1. The image of a merry fellow

Such a fellow is trying to strike a woman on the spot with inexhaustible wit. He tells endless jokes and constantly jokes. Moreover, in everyday life, this person can be a gloomy beech, from which it is very difficult to squeeze out even the semblance of a smile. And the role that he diligently plays during the courtship period is not easy for him. All his wit is based on many hours of memorizing jokes and anecdotes, which our merry fellow now flaunts so cheerfully. And it turns out so easily thanks to the hormones that spurred the brain receptors.

2. The image of romance

Ooooh, this is a man with a subtle nature, who knows how to appreciate the beautiful. He admires nature, the surrounding landscape, rain, sunset ... And he does it as if by chance, as if for himself. In fact, such phrases are intended, of course, for the one whose heart you want to win. For greater effect, the romantic in front of her admires some theatrical performances, paintings, sculptures, literary works. In fact, it is quite likely that he had never been to the theater either, and had never seen good painting, and had not read any books, except for textbooks and technical aids. All this is fiction, but for her, for her, beloved! You have to attract the young lady with something.

3. Image of a cynic

The cynic is cold, pragmatic and treats everything with causticity. It seems to be. In fact, such a stalker may well be a shy, very insecure person. And he put on an arrogant, cheeky look on himself in order to interest the young lady. They say that everything in the world is indifferent to me and no one will ever break through this wall of indifference. It's like a challenge sympathetic a person who, according to the man, must certainly accept him.

I must say that among the stronger sex there are many good psychologists who accurately feel what type of women they are dealing with, and automatically adjust to this type. Therefore, the role played by a lover often turns out to be effective. interested girl she is already ready for an invitation to a date, she agrees to give her phone number, she is waiting for him to take her home ... And nothing happens. A man whose feeling burns with a bright flame does not offer to meet, does not ask for a phone number and does not see him off. What's the matter?! Yes, he is simply afraid! And he fears the more, the more serious his intentions.

It would seem, what is there to be afraid of? The woman is not fire-breathing dragon and not a tiger. There is nothing wrong with calling her to a restaurant or a club. It turns out there is. After all, she can refuse, and this is a blow below the belt. More precisely, a blow to pride, which is one of the most painful for men. Therefore, even burning with love, they will rush about, doubt, suffer before taking a decisive step towards rapprochement with the young lady. And the stronger the love, the more difficult this step is given.

But how then to be a girl who is no longer seriously interested in such a timid representative of the strong-sexed? Wait? What if he lingers for years? So after all, you can not wait at all! So, you need to take the initiative yourself. However, activity in matters of the heart is advisable only when there is confidence in male love. Otherwise, you will surely get into trouble or you will receive the stigma of an obsessive, completely devoid of feeling dignity persons.

Cynicism, romanticism, the brilliance of the guy's wit cannot be the basis for the appearance of such confidence. A person is also by nature a cynic, a merry fellow or a romantic. How does a woman know if this is his natural behavior or a role played specifically for her? To draw conclusions, focusing only on the manner of a person to behave, of course, is impossible. And how then to understand that the one with whom you want to be together is really not indifferent? There are several signs of male love.

Signs that a man is in love

Frankly speaking, if a young man liked some girl, the thought of sex with her is always one of the first in his head. There is nothing terrible in this. Sex is a way of self-affirmation of the stronger sex, which is evidence of his masculine. The sexual instinct awakens the instinct of the hunter, and the guy begins to trap prey, using everything for this. available ways. He can pretend to be anyone, invent a lot of tricks, spend a lot of time in the company of a young lady, just to achieve his goal. But sometimes, having received what he wants, he immediately loses interest in the conquered person. It turns out that the desire to possess a girl cannot be evidence of falling in love with her. What then can?

1. The young man aspires to spiritual rapprochement

Having fallen in love, he will certainly begin to need such contact, which is not observed with a banal sexual attraction. A man will seek communication with a young lady, call her, send messages, hang around at the entrance, be interested in her problems and talk about himself. Moreover, someone will begin to sing serenades, and someone will express themselves in a tongue-tied and embarrassed way. What can you do, we are all different. But the degree of eloquence in this case completely unimportant! The main thing is that a person longs not only for the touch of bodies, but also for the contact of souls. So he's really in love.

2. A man willingly lets his girlfriend into his life

He shares his problems, takes him to meetings with friends, brings him home, offers to go on a trip with him, and so on. Usually, the male sex perceives the constant presence of a woman in his personal space as an encroachment on his priceless freedom. And if a man not only lets her in there, but even calls her - this clear sign falling in love. However, not when a lady is invited into the house, asked to clean up the mess, cook dinner, wash shirts, and then disappear for several days. In this case, the bachelor is simply too lazy or has no time to deal with everyday life himself.

3. The guy is ready for some kind of sacrifice

That is, he corrects his plans in the name of saving relationships, makes concessions to the girl, spends money on her free time, refuses to go to a bar or go fishing with friends, spends the money set aside for a hobby, does not sleep at night over her notes, and so on. Only men in love can give up their habits, time, means and comforts for the sake of a girlfriend. If the girl does not cause special feelings, the young man will meet her halfway only occasionally, and even then when self-denial is not needed.

4. A man takes care of a woman

This is not about satisfying her material needs - not everyone has such an opportunity. Care lies in the desire to adjust to the mood, trying to calm, protect, bring joy. This means a lot, because anyone can provide financially. Especially if it's easy. But to be interested inner world and physical condition girl will only be in love with her man.

5. When communicating, a young person is tactful, attentive and tries not to offend or hurt

No, involuntarily he is able to do or say something unpleasant, but he will never do it consciously. A man in love will not use a woman, betray her, humiliate her, constantly deceive, try to put psychological pressure on her. If he is indifferent to her suffering and tears, then there are no feelings at all. One must run from such a tyrant without looking back, no matter how attracted to him.

These are the main signs of male love, the presence of which does not allow doubting the feelings of the gentleman. However, you can only notice them if the relationship has been going on for some time. And how is the love of a guy expressed if the girl has not yet met him? Well, firstly, he will throw frequent glances towards the subject of sympathy. Secondly, in the presence of a young lady, she will take poses that allow her to constantly keep her in her field of view. A man will try to be closer to a woman in order to be able to touch the object of his adoration.

Falling in love, a guy will suddenly appear like a devil from a snuffbox in those places where a girl often happens, meet on her way, appear in her companies. He will begin to be clearly nervous if he notices that another is taking care of the young lady, and he may well break loose, seemingly for no reason, arranging a scandal for someone (and not at all this “other”).

How else to define male love? She probably is, if, when a girl appears, young man the mood changes abruptly and he suddenly becomes too energetic and cheerful, or sullenly withdraws into himself. Often, men in love suddenly change their usual image, surprising everyone around them with this. And finally, a guy in love can offer his help in solving an urgent problem, although no one asked for it.

In general, the fact that a man is not indifferent, a woman usually feels intuitively. Another thing is that she can be deceived, evaluating the situation through the prism own feelings. Therefore, after all, many signs of male love should be given considerable importance. And in order not to be disappointed, and in order not to pass by your fate.

Sometimes people use sarcasm to stop negative emotions- anger, irritation, fear - to master yourself. Ridicule may be their weapon against unfortunate circumstances or a defense against possible attack from others. Knowing these differences is important if you don't want to inadvertently scare off the interlocutor who just joked badly.

For example, you just missed your flight. "What to do now?" You say in a low voice. “Well, our vacation has already begun,” your companion replies. “We can put on flip-flops and start relaxing right here.” In his remark there is no lunge in your direction. Most likely, he is just trying to drive away annoyance. Think about what would happen if he complained and blamed you.

Your companion might react differently. For example: “Are we late? It’s strange, because you only spent an hour and a half to collect a cosmetic bag. ” Now that's an outburst. But even here you should think: maybe he is right? Did you really take too long? In this case, you should ask the partner to explain what exactly he is dissatisfied with. Make it clear that you recognize the validity of criticism, but you are offended by the form in which it is expressed.

It also happens that in our environment there is a person who is constantly sarcastic and for any reason. Here are some ways to neutralize it.

Ignore the remark

The easiest way out. If the speaker's intent was to offend you, you will deprive him of that pleasure. You can change the subject or talk to someone else. This will be a signal that you do not want to get involved in his game. Basically, don't feed the troll.

Call for constructiveness

Why is sarcasm so hard to recognize? Often the interlocutor delivers an offensive message in the form of advice or friendly participation. According to Eric Berne's transactional analysis, such a message operates at two levels - overt and covert. Clearly, the conversation could be between two internal Adults. But secretly, the inner Parent of your interlocutor speaks to your Child, chastising him. Your task is to return the situation to the level of Adults.

Example:

“Maybe you should head the company instead of me?” If you think you're better at something...

- Wait a minute. I did not say that I understand something better than you. I just suggest looking at the situation objectively. If my plan succeeds, it will benefit everyone. That's exactly what I want.

Don't fall for hidden mockery

There is another way (if you know for sure that the interlocutor is mocking): defiantly ignore the hidden message. A snarky remark always contains two levels of meaning: literal and hidden. Bring the literal meaning of his words to the point of absurdity. But it is worth reacting this way only if the mockery does not require an explicit answer.

Example:

“It would take a whole staff of archaeologists to find the right papers on your desk!”

- Unfortunately, now the crisis, and we can not afford it. But I will gladly take over their work - absolutely free!

Parry the attack

You can seize the initiative in a conversation if you resort to sarcasm yourself. So you show the interlocutor that you also have a good command of his weapon. And besides, make him switch from his cue to yours. Keep in mind that verbal duel masters may take this as a challenge. And then you have to look for the answer to their next remark, and so on ad infinitum.

Example:

Did you make a PowerPoint presentation? How cute! You could also draw by hand.

“I'm afraid I would have to turn to you. After all, you have a talent! Judging by those wonderful drawings that you diligently draw in a notebook during meetings ...

Let the interlocutor know that his behavior is unacceptable

Another easy way is to directly indicate to the interlocutor that he is behaving inappropriately. If you begin to make excuses, you admit that there may indeed be something ridiculous in your behavior. When you question the words of the interlocutor, you deprive them of their power.

Example:

- What a great plan you have! Maybe just take all the money and give it to the poor?

- I see you are tired. Let's take a break and come back to the conversation when you're ready to listen to me.

Find his motive

There are people who always yell - out of habit. For others, sarcasm is a form of manipulation. Think about what your interlocutor's motive might be? Maybe he's trying to get attention. Or, conversely, with the help of caustic remarks, get away from discussing an uncomfortable topic for him. Perhaps he provokes you to lose your temper and lose face. By calculating the motive, you can choose the right behavior strategy.

And main: Be confident. "Trolls" feel doubts and play on them. Your equanimity in itself will be a good defense against provocations.

See psychologist Ellen Hendriksen's blog for more details.

Violence is more common in women than in men. And not because there is more aggression in young ladies. They just got used to hiding it. Where a man punches an opponent in the face, a woman begins to subtly ridicule him.

“If I can still endure an insult from a male boss, then the taunts of a female boss unsettle me for a long time,” a friend complained to me. I wanted to say, "It's rare for a guy to survive the fact that a woman is his boss," but I didn't. I know his leader - this is really a real ulcer, I must admit. With the mark of quality. Only those who had never communicated with her were not offended by her.

Meanwhile, my offended friend began to assure that male colleagues rarely become personal during disputes. “We can yell at each other, call names, shout: “Stupid!”, Make fun of professional abilities. But at the same time, we clearly distinguish: this is work, and this is personal life. Here you can trample and you can even dance on the bones, but here - not with your foot. Women don't have those limits."

And this was told to me by a person who recently informed Slavik from his department: “How can you write articles about preschool institutions, if you yourself do not have children and will not have, probably. You are forty years old, and you have never been married! Whoa! A week ago, Slavik gave him ultimatums: “Tie up with pies at the workplace. Firstly, they stink, and secondly, you have a stomach, and since the drum, soon you won’t be able to reach the keyboard.”

I even managed to say: “But Slavik recently ...”, but my friend interrupted: “These are just friendly jokes, it doesn’t count. We are talking about a serious quarrel. There, the man observes the rules of combat, and the woman uses forbidden techniques. She doesn't know how to hold back. She is ready to finish off her opponent with anything, by any means, spitting on common sense. You told her about her mistake in the description of synchrophasotrons, and she told you: “And your mother is a vixen, and you yourself are a Jew.”

I understood what he wanted to say, but still continued to insist: “It does not depend on gender! Moreover, for example, I personally receive much more illogical and spiteful comments from male readers. It is men who rarely argue with me with arguments. It is they who often attack not my point of view, but myself. When I just started working in journalism, they sent hundreds of responses to my articles in the style: “What can you even understand about life, juvenile snot!”, And after I turned 30, they began to shout in unison: “Old fool, you have insanity!” “That’s their whole logic.”

The friend thought. “Okay, I agree. And a man can, when the arguments end, hit the opponent with his fist on the head. Maybe there are even more such men ... Women do it more gracefully. But for some reason it hurts more. That is, she seems to be saying the same classic “Earring is a fool”, but it is sometimes so veiled that you can’t figure it out right away. And when you figure it out, then there seems to be nothing to present to her. After all, she didn’t say anything, you bastard! .. Well, that’s how they do it, huh?

I guess how. For centuries, women were forbidden to show aggression. And until now, such behavior is condemned by society: “Ugh, she is rude, she is tough. How unfeminine." Even Margaret Thatcher remarked: “When a woman shows character, they say “bitch” about her. When a man shows character, they say about him "a great guy."

Women could not engage in open confrontation. Couldn't show anger. They could not challenge offenders to a duel or fight with them in a tavern. What was left for them? To sting. It was the only more or less acceptable way to blow off steam. Society condemned it too. The French philosopher Pierre Boist insisted: "Stinginess in a woman is as disgusting as vinegar in milk." But the ladies could not help but be sarcastic - try to restrain all natural human feelings throughout your life and wear a corset. Sooner or later, you will want to prick someone with at least a word. Make fun of. If you can not give in the face.

So over the centuries, women have honed their sharp tongues so much, they have succeeded in causticity so much that they have no equal. Therefore, it seems that this is beyond any honest boyish rules.

Fighting. Therefore, you don’t know how to react to this, losing in the first round. Here she just sits, just drinks tea, just leads small talk, but at the same time erases you into powder, without ceasing to smile sweetly. Well, not a bitch, huh?

My friend's boss never openly quarrels with him, does not growl at meetings, like the second boss Semyon Ivanovich. Oh no, she, always polite and restrained, stings so that the poison begins to act only after she leaves. "What she said?" - her victim is still perplexed, and the whole office is already giggling, hiding behind the monitors ... She is rude. She gets personal. Her assortment of nasty things is even cooler than that of anonymous people on the Internet. But, like many young ladies before her, she disguises all her blows as friendly hugs. Although, if you look, not those times now. A woman no longer has to pretend to be someone she is not.

Causticity as a personality trait is a tendency to annoy, prick with words, unpleasantly hurt someone with malicious, poisonous mockery.

The wonderful actress Faina Ranevskaya was a master of wit and, at the same time, causticity. Her words, caustic remarks and remarks during her lifetime diverged like hot cakes. "If the patient really wants to live, the doctors are powerless." “On an empty stomach, a Russian person does not want to do anything, but on a full stomach, he cannot.” “If you have insomnia, count to three. "And if it doesn't help?" Until half past three. Her favorite words were "ass" and "shit". “I don’t drink, I don’t smoke anymore, and I never cheated on my husband — because I never had one,” she told one journalist. “So, does that mean you don’t have any flaws at all?” “In general, no. True, I have a big ass and sometimes I cheat a little. Once Ranevskaya slipped on the street and fell. Someone was walking towards her. unknown man. - Pick me up! asked Ranevskaya. - Folk artists on the road do not roll ... "

If women's silence has a deadly effect on the weak psyche of men, then a sharp female tongue, like a glass cutter, cuts their soul and heart without anesthesia. Women's psychic power six times greater than the male. man with with great difficulty can cope with the negative emotional waves emanating from a woman. His nature is arranged on a wave of action according to certain principles according to his knowledge. He knows how to live, he does not need to be taught. With such a life disposition, a man is wary of new knowledge about how to live. stinging female remarks about his insolvency and worthlessness, only strengthen him in his opinion to continue to live as before. He would be glad to find a rational grain in the caustic words of a woman, but his psychological redoubts collapse like a house of cards, under the power of the poison of her words, tone and tsunami of emotions. The power of the female word is crushing, women themselves would rather deal with a hundred angry men than with one skillful "ulcer". In the series “Bitches, or the Oddities of Love,” the heroine sarcastically remarks: “In general, the man has now gone frail and mean. Weaklings remained - sturgeon of the second freshness. Have you ever seen yourself in the mirror? Uryuk squeezed out! Apricot in old age! He says in response: “Doctors recommend making love more often. From love, the blood is renewed, and the skin becomes better! - “Well, right now ... I’ll give up everything, and I’ll go with you to renew the blood!” In another series, Bones, he says, "In those cases, people say 'Oh my God'." - Well, imagine that you are a man, and say. “My God…” Men never dreamed of the power of female causticity. Therefore, it is not surprising that women choose their strongest side as a weapon.

Any sane person chooses the most suitable weapon for a duel. Only a fool who knows how to shoot superbly will agree to fight a duel in a way that he does not own. Bismarck was an excellent shooter. When his dueling counterpart Professor Vikhrov offered him to fight with sausages poisoned by deadly microbes, he refused indignantly. Women, being by nature pragmatic and rational, choose weapons in which they have no equal. A man who tries to compete with a woman in the art of causticity is a fool: his wife is returning from vacation. The husband asks caustically: “How much did you earn this time?” She replies: "One hundred thousand." - “Wow, I wouldn’t give a hundred for you” - “But I didn’t take more.” And what does a man feel when he hears such caustic words of his wife in bed: “Your salary is also small”?

Bitingness is prickly mockery on the verge of sarcasm, through which, as if by chance, unintentionally, one's own or someone's " sore spot”, a person ridiculed by others is put in an awkward position. “Friends, enemies, and indeed everyone in a row, are vilified by the caustic and envious person", - wrote Pierre Buast. Causticity has no brakes, no moral boundaries. All its destructive potential is purposefully looking for the "Achilles' heel" of the victim, in order to then ruthlessly hit the pain point of a person.

Bitingness is not friends with logic, it does not need it.

When they try to calmly explain their point of view to her, she, after waiting for a pause, suddenly says: “Your whole family are idiots. And your mother is a witch, and you yourself are a Jew. For centuries, women have kept their tempers in check, unable to spoil the air with stinking, caustic words. But there is nothing worse than repressed, driven into the subconscious emotions. They cause a lot of anxiety, gradually corroding a person from the inside. But, finally, the hour has come when, in the golden age of ignorant emancipation, you can insert your “five kopecks” anytime and anywhere. The French philosopher Pierre Boist insisted: "Stinginess in a woman is as disgusting as vinegar in milk." But do not sting - harm yourself. A snowball of causticity rolls across the planet, gaining inertia and mass. Now this is no longer causticity, but a "manifestation of character."

When a reasonable, mature person is faced with rudeness, accusations, emotional antics, causticity, he understands and realizes that these are not his problems.

stinging - sure sign ignorance. How can you live with an alcoholic, a drug addict, a degrading brawler, if there is no way to leave? At a distance, not close. Himself to shine like a light bulb, with goodness, to show tolerance, to recognize and accept this fact of life, as a lesson that needs to be learned and passed an exam on it. The worst thing you can do is start fighting sarcasm with its own methods, and the most reasonable course of action is to ignore it.

Bitingness does not tolerate being looked at as an empty place, although it is true, it is an empty place.

What is the purpose of sarcasm?

To hurt a nerve, sprinkle salt on a wound, stir up old wounds, hook, offend, and all this is done to expand the sphere and strength of one's influence. If someone emotionally reacts to an irritant in the form of causticity, the goal is achieved, as weightlifters say: "Weight is taken." A person, in response to causticity, gushes with negative emotions of resentment, irritation, indignation, anger. It's an applause for causticity, she exults. Just wonderful. Anger improves mood. Well, if a person has gone from caustic phrases to "white heat", fell into a rage and rage - this is already happiness. Everyone has their own taste of happiness, in causticity it is.

Snipe minions are usually smart and erudite. Their mind would be, but for good deeds! But they are unfriendly and not kind-hearted, the bouquet of their manifested personality traits consists of envy, harmfulness, deceit, treachery, hypocrisy, cruelty and intransigence. They always look for the cause of their bad mood not inside, but outside - in other people. Competitors can send a "walking ulcer" into the team of rivals, and it will quickly quarrel people who have been friendly until now.

Often, causticity is used as a means of self-defense or a covert attack. A caustic person is deprived of attention, they do not want to communicate with him, but the need for the luxury of human communication does not disappear anywhere. However, pride does not allow revealing his need, so he cannot pass by so as not to catch someone with a caustic word. At the same time, subconsciously expects a conversation in positive spirit. Start talking to him approvingly, ignoring the initial causticity, and, quite likely, the “ulcer” will heal.

Bitingness is not a safe personality trait. Goodwill contributes to the normalization of metabolic processes in the liver, causticity causes inflammatory process in the bile ducts. If a person is addicted to causticity, he may develop a stomach ulcer sharply.

On the field of causticity, battles of geniuses often took place. George Gordon Byron was famous not only unearthly beauty and poetic gift, but also caustic statements about contemporaries. He once wrote to the publisher of the poet John Keats: "Nothing more about Keats: I beg you to bury him alive, if you do not, I will be obliged to personally flay him." Virginia Woolf remarked in one of her conversations that "in English language a million words" and only her contemporary D. H. Lawrence "limits himself to six".

Being rather caustic, Brahms never missed an opportunity to let go sharp word. Friends knew about this property of the composer and treated his slander as a matter of course. One day, after saying goodbye to his friends, Brahms went home. Soon he returned with the words: - Forgive me. - But for what, you didn't seem to offend anyone today! - For that, I apologize. I haven't offended any of you, and that's not like me at all.

Vladimir Mayakovsky, addressing A. S. Pushkin, says: “I should come to an agreement with you during my lifetime. Soon I will die and be mute. After death, we stand almost next to each other: you are on Pe, and I am on EM. Who is between us? Sergey Yesenin answered this question instantly. There is a huge BUT between you. In alphabetical order, between the letters "M" and "P" there are also the letters "H" and "O". By combining them, the poet got an occasion for an excellent caustic remark.

How to communicate with caustic people

Talking with such a person takes strength and leaves an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul. How to competently respond to attempts to hook you?

Sometimes people use sarcasm to keep negative emotions - anger, annoyance, fear - from getting the better of them. Ridicule may be their weapon against unfortunate circumstances or a defense against possible attack from others. Knowing these differences is important if you don't want to inadvertently scare off the interlocutor who just joked badly.

For example, you just missed your flight. "What to do now?" you say in a low voice. “Well, our vacation has already begun,” your companion replies. “We can put on flip-flops and start relaxing right here.” In his remark there is no lunge in your direction. Most likely, he is just trying to drive away annoyance. Think about what would happen if he complained and blamed you.

Your companion might react differently.

For example:

"We are late? It’s strange, because you only spent an hour and a half to collect a cosmetic bag. ”

Now that's an outburst. But even here you should think: maybe he is right? Did you really take too long? In this case, you should ask the partner to explain what exactly he is dissatisfied with. Make it clear that you recognize the validity of criticism, but you are offended by the form in which it is expressed.

It also happens that in our environment there is a person who is constantly sarcastic and for any reason. Several ways to neutralize it.

Ignore the remark

Call for constructiveness

Why is sarcasm so hard to recognize? Often the interlocutor delivers an offensive message in the form of advice or friendly participation. According to Eric Berne's transactional analysis, such a message operates on two levels - explicit and implicit. Clearly, the conversation could be between two internal Adults. But secretly, the inner Parent of your interlocutor speaks to your Child, chastising him. Your task is to return the situation to the level of Adults.

Example:
- Maybe you should lead the company instead of me? If you think you're better at something...
- Wait a minute. I did not say that I understand something better than you. I just suggest looking at the situation objectively. If my plan succeeds, it will benefit everyone. That's exactly what I want.

Don't fall for hidden mockery

Example:

To find the right papers on your desk, you would have to hire a whole staff of archaeologists!
- Unfortunately, now the crisis, and we can not afford it. But I will gladly take over their work - absolutely free!

Parry the attack

You can seize the initiative in a conversation if you resort to sarcasm yourself. So you show the interlocutor that you also have a good command of his weapon. And besides - make him switch from his cue to yours. Keep in mind that verbal duel masters may take this as a challenge. And then you have to look for the answer to their next remark, and so on ad infinitum.

Example:

Have you made a presentation in PowerPoint? How cute! You could also draw by hand.
- I'm afraid I would have to contact you. After all, you have a talent! Judging by those wonderful drawings that you diligently draw in a notebook during meetings ...

Let the interlocutor know that his behavior is unacceptable

Example:

You have a great plan! Maybe just take all the money and give it to the poor?
- I see you are tired. Let's take a break and come back to the conversation when you're ready to listen to me.

Find his motive

And most importantly: be confident. "Trolls" feel doubts and play on them. Your equanimity in itself will be a good defense against provocations.