People have eternal love. Does love exist

Psychology of love Ilyin Evgeny Pavlovich

5.3. Does it exist eternal love?

The thought that erotic love to the same person can continue until old age, is reflected in the poem of the ancient poet Pavel Silentsiariy "An aging friend" (free translation by K. N. Batyushkov):

More beautiful, Philip, your wrinkles,

Than the blooming freshness of girlish faces.

And the desire in me is more strongly awakened,

Drawing your hands to yourself,

Hanging apples perseus,

Rather than young maidens standing upright breasts.

For sweeter than another spring,

Until now, your autumn.

Winter time is yours

Summer is much warmer for me.

This myth in our time is supported by E. Pushkarev: "Love lasts until the end of the century and over the years it becomes stronger and more wholesome."

Eternal love is familiar only to lovers.

V. Grzesik, Polish satirist

In 2009, scientists at the Stony Brook Institute (New York, USA) tried to give a scientific basis for the existence of eternal love: they came to the conclusion that the level of dopamine (the hormone of pleasure in life) is the same in both old-timers of love and those who have just fallen in love. However, they did not take into account the level of oxytocin, which is responsible for attachment, and its level changes over time. So if a person wants to know whether he has fallen in love for all his life, he will have to wait all his life.

We studied the features of manifestation in students of one of the most common family myths- the myth of eternal love, which in traditional psychology is understood as the following statement: "A partner must always love me, even if I behave stupidly or disgustingly."

Hypothesis this study suggested that the interpretation of the category of love, presented in the form of the myth of eternal love, is associated with family experience in parental family, namely, with the composition of the parental family: people who are brought up in an incomplete family will have the myth of eternal love, and people who have grown up in a complete family will have no myth.

We also suggested that the interpretation of the category of love, presented in the form of the myth of eternal love, correlates with an affiliation need.

We assumed that people with a predominance of the power of striving for people would have the myth of eternal love, while people with a predominance of fear of being rejected would lack this myth.

On the basis of the respondents' answers, the following variants of the interpretation of love were identified: love-necessity (0.18); love-attachment (0.18); love - attraction, attraction (0.24); love is a value (0.24); love - trust and respect (0.53); love-fidelity (0.12); love-understanding (0.41); love-passion (0.18).

Correlation analysis showed that there is no connection between the peculiarities of the interpretation of the concept of love and an affiliated need. Correlation analysis confirmed feedback between the presence of the myth of eternal love and the composition of the parental family in the subjects, that is, we can with very likely assume that people from not complete families there is a myth of eternal love, and people from complete families will not have this myth.

Perhaps this is due to the presence of naive family performances in people brought up in single-parent families due to the lack of an example of marital interaction in the parental family. However, the problem of the concept of love is multifaceted.

The group of subjects was divided according to the presence / absence of the myth of eternal love. A quantitative and qualitative analysis of the data was carried out, which showed that differences in understanding of love between the groups did not appear. In both groups, love was most often interpreted as respect, trust and understanding of the other person.

Ilyina E. G. 2008. pp. 143–145

There are many cases when a person falls in love several times, since previous attempts to find his ideal were unsuccessful. As sexologists joke, “Do not grieve if Love has left you. Hope will replace her. If Nadezhda leaves, Vera will come. And if Vera leaves, Zulfiya will come. "

But this can also lead to the ending described in the poem by A. Delvig:

Recognizing only suffering in love,

She lost her desire

And again he does not ask to love ...

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The theme of eternal love has always been, is and will be the peak to which everyone strives. Many works, songs, films are devoted to this topic. Everyone dreams of eternal love and fidelity in their souls. And only a few are able to experience this feeling.

Alas, romance is gone from our lives. V modern world money, power, cynicism and cruelty rule the ball.

People do not believe in love, especially in eternal love. The media are actively promoting the assertion that love lives only for three years. This is probably why the number of divorces exceeds the number of marriages.

Yet some modern girls and women dream of meeting a man who will love them forever. Can a man love only one woman all his life?

It is no secret that women and men with different planets... Women are guided by more feelings and always expect from men romantic confessions in love. Men, on the other hand, do not show their feelings, so they carefully hide their emotions and desires. Men, as a rule, prove their love not by words, but by actions. When a man loves, he takes care, takes decisions financial issues and solving other problems. Not many women understand this, since they are used to expressing their feelings in words, and this is what they expect from men. As a result, many ladies think that their husbands don't like them.

And yet, eternal love exists, even in our cynical world. Monogamous men are quite rare. But they are ready to do everything for their beloved woman. It is important for them when their beloved is happy and satisfied with everything, then they also feel happy. The problem of monogamous men is that they experience unrequited love and divorce very painfully. They rarely have a family or children with new woman, more often than not, they do everything to return their beloved woman or quietly suffer alone from feelings unrequited love.

According to psychologists, monogamous people are inherently unhappy people. Ordinary people can fall in love several times, be happy with different partners. And monogamous people, having fallen in love once and not receiving reciprocity, are doomed to live their whole life with a feeling of unrequited love. So they will never know true love... Living alone, without family and loved ones, does not make us happy. Better to let our hearts be broken several times, but in the end we will find our person and experience feelings true love... In this life, only love matters.

A monogamous man will be faithful to his wife, will become a wonderful father and ideal husband... The main thing is that his chosen one also loved and appreciated him. Then this marriage can be called ideal.

A man's loyalty is measured by a woman's attitude toward him. Any woman is able to make her man be faithful and love only her. To do this, it is enough to accept a man, such as he is, and love him, without scandals, reproaches and the desire to remake him.

As you know, there are a lot of definitions of love, and in each definition a person tries to put his own meaning, different from others and prompted by life itself and by his own life experience... Few people imagine happy life without this bright feeling, and a person often spends his whole life in search of perfect love... Everyone has their own idea of ​​what love should be, however, obviously, everyone wants this feeling to live forever in the heart.

But is it possible to carry the feeling of love throughout your life? Is it possible to love one person throughout your life and continue to love for many years as if this was born in your heart only yesterday? wonderful feeling?

What are the people usually guided by when they say that it is impossible to love all their life? They declare that it is impossible long time to maintain a feeling of love, since addiction gradually sets in, and people simply get used to the idea that the person who is nearby will always be there. Indeed, in many cases this is so, but this does not exclude the fact that people can carry this feeling throughout their lives if their love is constantly nourished.

If people love each other, then it is quite natural that they will want to do pleasant things to each other, arrange romantic surprises that will strengthen them in a sense of love for each other. A person, as you know, is the creator of his own destiny, and it is in his power to make sure that the feelings of him and his partner towards him continue as long as possible.

Each person, as a rule, had their first love and first love (although there are people who are simply not given to experience love). This feeling for each of us was so great and exciting that it is almost impossible to forget this feeling. Having fallen in love for the first time, we think that we will love this person all our lives and nothing can change that.

Very often, the first love is not mutual, and it gradually dulls, giving way to other events in our personal life... However, is it completely forgotten? No, the first love cannot be forgotten, and, as a rule, we carry this unique feeling through our whole life. We often compare our subsequent partners with the only person whom we once loved (or maybe we still love?). Isn't our first love love for life? This is true in many cases, but not always. One thing is clear - we are ready to carry the memory of our first love through our whole life.

How can we make sure that our love retains its unique freshness, if not for life, then for a very long time? First of all, you need not to imitate love, but to love. If you initially love the person who is next to you, then you obviously do not need to make much effort to keep your feeling for a very long time. Just love each other and prove your love with deeds. After all, over time, deeds speak of love much more eloquently than just beautiful words, and this should always be remembered.

Prove your love for each other every day, every minute, and then you will be able to keep love for life. It depends only on us whether our feelings will be durable, and whether we will be able to carry them through our whole life. After all, love is not only sighs in the moonlight and passionate confessions, it is also much more!

It is foolish to enter into a new relationship and assume that romantic love will continue for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Any, even the strongest, relationship goes through crisis stages that are inevitable. But it is possible to minimize the consequences of such periods if a man and a woman are willing to put some effort into this. How can love be prolonged? The psychology of relationships implies the transition of romance into respect, mutual understanding and a desire to share joy and misfortune with each other.

Why relationships are "cracking"

Many couples break up a few years after they started. life together... This is not always explained by the loss of love. Problems often arise in everyday life. Although they are quite small and insignificant, over time, misunderstanding grows like a snowball and destroys warm feelings... To avoid such an outcome, people must learn to “not get stuck” in crisis stages and allow the relationship to “mature”.

Why relationship

A strong and reliable family can give a person a lot. With such a relationship, life improves in every aspect. And most importantly, they do not take away internal energy, but fill the body with strength. The psychology of love and healthy relationships is as follows: the more you give, the more you get.

Basic laws of relationship psychology

All people are unique, therefore, the relationship is different for everyone. But there are certain laws of psychology that always work. Knowing them makes it much easier to find love and, most importantly, keep it.

V healthy relationships emotions are present. If people are not indifferent to each other, they show their feelings: tenderness, jealousy, care or resentment. Do not be afraid of negative emotions, indifference is much more terrible.

Conflicts are normal. Any couple periodically does not find a common language and tries to find the truth. It is very important to quarrel correctly: do not humiliate, do not raise your voice, do not insult or hurt feelings dignity... Such methods lead to a rupture, because the conflict will soon be settled, but the residue from hurtful words will remain for a long time.

Relationships are for life, not life is for relationships.

The psychology of love is based on important principle: not all interests exist within the relationship. One person can never fully satisfy all of their partner's vital needs. Love addiction is very dangerous illness which leads to loss of self-esteem, low self-esteem, and lingering depression.


Stages of relationship

Although the psychology of men in love is different from that of women, there are many different periods in a relationship, but experts distinguish three traditional stages:

  • Honeymoon;
  • confrontation of pride;
  • true love.

The euphoria does not last long; this period can last from three to six months. After that, the influx of feelings begins to gradually decrease. But this stage is extremely important, since it makes it possible to get rid of all fears at least for a while.

The struggle of self-esteem begins after “ pink glasses»Fall off. Now a person looks at a partner objectively and sees all his shortcomings. To survive this stage, you should not focus on negative traits, it is better to pay attention to the merits. You need to learn how to openly express complaints without offending each other.

The psychology of love is that all these stages are inevitable. Only by overcoming all difficulties can you find true love.

Men and love

Representatives of the stronger sex are different from women. This fact has long been known and is not surprising. The psychology of men in love is such that in case of misunderstanding, they can simply "switch off". From the outside it seems that there are no feelings left, but this may not be the case at all. Such a reaction is quite natural and it arises automatically, so it is difficult for a man to control it.

Male psychology in love implies that an internal defense mechanism is triggered in the event of a serious quarrel. Women should take this fact into account and find an approach to their man so as not to alienate him.

Everyone knows that there are commandments of God, which are customary to adhere to. These commandments are unshakable, no one argues with them, they do not condemn or condemn them. These are laws that every self-respecting person tries to adhere to. Someone succeeds better, someone worse, nevertheless, these are landmarks that do not allow you to finally get confused in our complex world.

The personal life of each of us also requires compliance with certain rules, laws, without which there will be complete chaos in relationships and love. After all, love is a feeling that tends to change and, if you do not adhere to these laws, then it is easy to get confused in feelings and destroy relationships that could well be happy. Therefore, we decided to highlight the laws of love, which should become part of everyone who wants to build happy relationship and understand what eternal love and a real strong family mean.

It is necessary that these laws be deposited in the head, as commandments, without which the relationship simply cannot exist for a long time and be truly loving and strong.

Eternal love - 10 commandments of love

1. Study your partner.

To plunge into love, like into a pool with your head, is unforgettable. Many are sure that if someone did not experience such strong, maddening feelings, he did not love. But, of course, this is a delusion, just this - different love... There is love, like a bright, all-consuming flame, it instantly burns everything around, leaving behind only ashes. And there is love that burns with a small flame, but it burns for a long time, sometimes it seems that it has gone out, and after a light breath, it flares up again, and it can always be so.

Therefore, if you prefer not to lose yourself and love for a long time, then study your partner: learn about him, about his interests, preferences, principles, goals as much as possible. Then you will not be surprised, and you will not be disappointed in your partner just because of your stupidity and naivety, and, most importantly, you will not expose yourself to unnecessary suffering.

2. Create common goal.

Often times, a relationship breaks up just because the life goals of each of the partners are different. One wants to build a career, and the other wants a big and happy family with a bunch of children. One - paradise in a hut, while the other dreams of a large and beautiful house.

The partners cannot agree in any way, and part. Therefore, it is very important to have a common goal in order to strive for it together.

3. Respect for your partner.

Respect the wishes of your partner, listen to him. Don't put your interests first. You will often adhere to different points view, but this does not mean that each of them has no right to exist. Always try to negotiate. Do not humiliate or insult each other.

4. Make love as often as possible.

Sex is not the main thing in a relationship, but without sex the relationship cools down, so it is very important to make love to each other. This allows you to stay connected. Partners who make love closer friend friend, they find it easier mutual language and easily go towards each other.

5. Don't be rude.

Anything can happen in a relationship, and you often lose your temper, however, that's what we and humans are in order to be able to control emotions, so never allow rudeness towards a partner, this destroys the relationship and makes them insincere.

6. Maintain each other's personal space.

Love is love, intimacy, intimacy, but personally, each of the partners should have space. If you cross the line and leave no room for own desires, then love dependence or, conversely, rejection from a partner may appear. Everyone should maintain their own interests, only then you will be self-sufficient people, and warm up interest in each other, you will not be bored with each other, and love will be eternal.

7. Develop.

Development should be carried out both through self-education and in the process of working on oneself and one's shortcomings. Do not adhere to the position: "I am (such) what I am and let me be loved this (such)." NO. No one is obliged to love you if you do not deserve it yourself, so actively try to become better than you are. Learn to communicate with your loved one, show sincere interest to each other's life and develop through communication.

8. Be flexible.

There are many unpleasant and difficult moments in a relationship, and if you do not show cunning and ingenuity, they can quickly end. Therefore, you need to be flexible and always know: where you need to yield, where you need to show perseverance, where you need to joke or not pay attention to the offense, and where - to be cunning and correctly point out the mistakes of a loved one.

9. Add variety.

As much as we would like to admit it, but love tends to fade away, and one of the ways to maintain it are new sensations that allow you to refresh relationships and look at each other in a new way.

10. Show your love.

Eternal love can be only when it is manifested in real actions, and not in words. After all, you can say anything you want, but only actions will show: is your love real or is it just self-deception?

Here's an example: Two girls were walking along the path and, suddenly, a field of flowers spread out in front of them. One girl saw and exclaimed: "I love flowers so much", ran into the field and picked up a whole armful, and the second girl, instead of picking a bouquet for herself, took water in a watering can and began to water them.
So it is here: love is different, but it will depend on you and your relationship whether it withers, or will live forever in your hearts.


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