The rules of the child's behavior in the family. Rules for the behavior of children in the family. Not to give up physical proximity

27.04.2019

What basic etiquette rules

2. No need to try to find out family relationships.

5. Do not read letters addressed not to you. Even if you know exactly that there is nothing personal in the letter, do not open it.

8. Breaking should be able to listen and hear. It would seem that there is a difficult? But observe how some children behave: they are interrupted without end when adults talk to someone, they require attention to themselves. This applies, above all, kids. If emotions are overwhelmed, they hear and perceive only themselves, considering themselves the center of the universe.

9. Do not criticize children with outsiders. It hurts their pride, especially adolescents.

10. If the child goes somewhere alone, he must say where goes And how much will come back.

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10 rules of etiquette in the family with children

Etiquette - a kind of code good manners And the rules of behavior of people at home, at work, in transport adopted in this society. And the rules of etiquette are designed to show the presence of internal ethics and human beauty.

Previously, education in children of good manners and behaviors were engaged in Cadet Corps, Institutions noble Devin. Now these features are almost completely (if you do not have a governess) switched to parents.
What are the mainrules of etiquette must be observed in the family with children?

1. "It is necessary to behave in such a way as not to create others inconvenience, and refer to them as we would like to treat you" - a familiar phrase? Yes, that is, it is necessary to behave and adults, and children not only with other people's people, but also with their homework.

2. No need to try find out family relationships Public, especially in the presence of children and at elevated colors. And it is best not to bring the situation to the clarification of these very relations.

3. Do not go to the room of children without a knock. The child is also a person. It is necessary to respect his right to personal space and the opportunity to be alone. Naturally, it does not concern completely small kids, which in no case cannot be left.

4. Do not swear in your personal belongings without his consent. Some parents consider it quite normal to check the baby's briefcase, look into his pockets. Everything seems to be loving, in order to prevent, but the result can be only one. The child will lose confidence in you, will begin to hide something from you.

5. Do not read letters addressed not to you. Even if you know exactly that there is nothing personal in the letter, do not open it. Do not swear in email Children, if they do not ask you to do it.

6. Teach children to behave at the table. Joint dinners Or Sunday dinners in a family circle - a wonderful reason to attach such skills. Teach to use the cutting devices, not to speak with the mouth bought, not to swing your hands. There is a whole set of rules of behavior at the table, familiarize yourself with them - literature on this topic is abused.

The ability of children to behave correctly at the table - a big plus. Parents will be confident that in any society and in any situation they do not have to blush for them. Moreover, family dinners in a cafe are becoming increasingly popular in large cities, or just visiting them with children during walks.

7. Confers respect for someone else's work, teach to appreciate the daily work of home.

9. Do not criticize children with outsiders. It hurts their pride, especially adolescents.

10. If the child goes somewhere alone, he must say where it goes and how much will come back.

How to build communication with children

Together to see the situation, together to strive for its permission, jointly act in solving the problem.
Understand that at least a child is not an object of educational influences, and an ally, creator and creator general family life.
Share with the child all goals and family plans, openly discuss the problems in a genuine dialogue.
Establish equality of positions in communicating with the child. Equality of positions allows the adoption and recognition of the child.
Take an indisputable fact that children have a certain raising impact on the parents themselves, raising them to "thin truths of childhood."
Learn to see the world in its most different forms through the eyes of their children.
To build communication with the child, based on a permanent desire to know the peculiarity of his individuality and changes in it.

Rules of behavior in the process of communicating with children

Let us understand your child that you take it as it is. Try to use such expressions: "You are the most favorite," "We love, we understand, hope for you," "I love you any", "What a happiness that you have".
Remember that every your word, facial expressions, gestures, intonation, voice volume is carried by a child a message about his sampling. Strive to create your child high self-esteem, reinforcing these words: "I am happy with your successes," "You can do a lot." And only then your child will be able to see, take and respect you.
Pay attention to the fact that parents who say one thing, and make another, eventually feel disrespect from children.
Before starting to communicate with your child, try to take such a position to see his eyes. In most cases, you will have to squat.
In communication with the child you give much attention non-verbal (none) communication. So, instead of categorically to say the word "impossible", try using a barely noticeable gesture, a look or fairytale.
Say nothing to say highest art Education, which testifies to true and deep contact between parents and children.
Try to show your attitude to the behavior of a child without extra explanations and morals. Choose the right one, timely appeal to it, for example: "Sasha, Sasha, son, son ...".
Strive to exercise complete interest in the child in the process of communication. Stress this nod, exclamations. Listening to him, do not get distracted. Concentrate on it all attention. Imagine the time for saying, do not rush it and do not emphasize your appearance that it is not interesting for you.
Do not tell your child of what you really wished him. Remember that many of those plants that they receive from you further define their behavior. Having said: "Fool you are mine" - Right: "Everything is fine in you," saying: "It's better if you were not at all in the world!", Right: "What a happiness that we have"; Having said: "God will punish you," Right: "God loves you!"; Instead of the phrase: "Think only about yourself, I do not regret anyone," say: "How much will you give - so much and you get."
In communicating with the child, remember that he has the right to vote in solving any problem. Therefore, try to consult with him, and not make the decision only yourself, for example, instead of the phrase: "Not your mind is ..." - Tell me: "What do you think it is necessary to do for this? Your opinion is interesting to everyone. "
Observe the principle of equality and cooperation with children.
Do not allow your child to be alone with its experiences. Take time and contact him: "I see something bothers you," I see that someone has grown you, "tell me what's wrong with you ...".
Use a variety of speech formulas (goodbye greeting, gratitude) in communicating with children. Do not forget to greet the child in the morning, and in the evening wish him " good night" Pronounce these words with a smile, a friendly tone and accompany them with a tactile touch. Be sure to, at least for a small service provided by the child, do not forget to thank him.
Try to adequately respond to misconduct children: try to understand the child and find out what appeared to the motive for his actions? Ask him about what happened, try to delve into his experiences.
Evaluate the child's personality, and the action he has made. For example, the child broke the cup and immediately you can hear: "Oh, you, rascal, again broke a cup!" The most appropriate would be such an expression: "Son, you broke a cup. You did not cut? Please bring me a broom and scoop, and we will remove fragments together. " And so that it does not happen, this incident can be used as learning, saying to the child: "I think the cup crashed because you didn't hold it wrong."
Let the child understand that regardless of the offense, you feel positively to it. For example: "Son, I still love you, but now you did ugly."
Do not compare the child with other children, for example: "Son, see what Misha Well done, he is always ...".
Try not to use such phrases in speech, which for a long time remain in the mind of the child: "I. Now busy (a) ... "," How many times have I told you! "," Alternatively you are climbing, "" What would you do without me, "" it should be done wrong. "
In order to properly organize relationships with children in the communication process, strive to overcome:
employment barrier (you are constantly engaged in work, household chores);
the barrier of adulthood (you do not feel the experience of the child, do not understand its needs);
barrier " educational traditions"(You do not take into account the changing situations of the upbringing and the level of child's development, trying to duplicate pedagogical effects own parents);
barrier "Didactism" (you are constantly trying to teach children).
Improve the communicative skills of your children:
for the development of the child, the ability to listen carefully, not to interrupt the interlocutor, remind him: "First, listen to what others say, and then speak himself." Use in this case the proverb: "Word - Silver, Silence - Gold";
if a child forgets to talk speech etiquet formulas (greetings, farewell, thanks), then indirectly remind him of this, for example: "In my opinion, you forgot to say something important," compare: "Son, say hello to the aunt";
to develop the ability to establish contact with the interlocutor, offer children gaming situation: "Let's talk to each other compliments";
to develop the ability to understand the mood and feeling of another, offer the child to watch anyone from relatives, for example: "Look carefully on mom. What do you think, what is her mood? (Sad.) Let's come up with how to cheer it. "

Rules for communicating with a child

You can express dissatisfaction with individual actions of the child, but not a child as a whole.
You can condemn the actions of the child, but not his feelings, whatever unwanted they are. Once they have arisen, there is foundations for this.
Do not require the child impossible or difficulty. Instead, see what you can change in the environment.
The expression of discontent with the actions of a child cannot be systematic, otherwise it ceases to be perceived.
Try not to assign yourself emotional problems Child.
Let the child meet with negative consequences Your actions, or your inaction. Only then he will grow up and becomes conscious.
If the child is hard, and he is ready to take your help, be sure to help him, but at the same time, take on myself only that he cannot complete himself, to give the child to the child himself.
If a child has been negative experiences with his behavior, tell him about it.
Do not interfere in the case, which is busy child if he does not ask you about it.
To avoid further problems and conflicts, merge your own expectations with the possibilities of the child.

Are you interested in communicating with you?

When a child misses, he unconsciously rejects others. Boredom can be a consequence of the unsatisfied need of a child in love and affection, the need for attention.
The child requires constant attention ...?

Take a rule to express your positive attitude To the child's affairs.
Learn as sincere and dreamed as possible to express your joy and attention.
The more attention and caring is experiencing a child, the more interesting it to communicate with you.

Ethics of communication with a child in the family

do not suspect a bad;
do not make fun
do not track
do not ask
do not make fun;
do not forced frankness;
do not control intimate experience of communication;
create a rest atmosphere, confidence, security in the house;
create communication skills in the house on the principle of openness;
give the right to your own experience.

Manifestations parental Love in communicating with a child

True parental love, as psychologists argue, is manifested only in communicating with children. According to the Bible, they allocate four aspects of love.
1. The ability to listen to the child. Parents who show interest in the conversations of the child, truly wise parents, because they enable the child to express all the variety of his feelings and experiences.
2. Talking with a child. If you have not learned to speak gently, with love and respect, then the children will avoid communicating with you.
3. Knowledge, how to punish a child. Wise parents, punishing a child for misconduct, do not leave, slamming the door, do not reject the child, but remain near, assuring it in their parental love, express confidence that this will no longer happen again.
4. Help in the development of the child. Remember that the child lives in constant voltage and uncertainty, your behavior should speak to him: "I love you as you are. I'm always with you always. "

Emotional Parent Contact with Baby

Contact can never arise by itself, it needs to be built even with a baby. When it says about mutual understanding, emotional contact Between children and parents, there is some dialogue, the interaction of the child and an adult with each other. Start with the fact that:

Pope and Moms! Grandparents! Remember!

From the repetitive signs of greetings, approval, love and adoption by the child there is a feeling: "I'm fine", "I am good." From the signals of condemnation, discontent, criticism appears the feeling of something wrong with me, "I am bad."
The heart piggy bank is working day and night. Its value depends on what we throw there.
Even the requirements that you prevent should be filled with love and hope.
Learn to listen to your child in joy and sorrow.
Bringing your child, stay next to him, do not avoid communicating with him.
Become an example to imitate in manifestation for your child. positive emotions In relation to members of their family and other people.
Hugging and kiss your child at any age.
Do not talk with your child with indifferent and indifferent face.
Create your beautiful, good and bright rituals of communication, which will make your life and life of your child warmer and happy.

Raising a parent dialogue with a child

To organize a raising dialogue in any communication situations, follow the friendly tone. Avoid using in communicating with a child:

Orders, teams.
Warnings, cautions, threats.
Tips, ready-made solutions.
Evidence, logical conclusions, notations, "lectures".
Criticizing, reprimand, charges.
Excess praise.
Tailing, riding.
Distillation, investigation.
Sympathy in words, persuasion, exhortation.
Success, care from conversation.
Constructively allow conflicts.

Catalog of negative effects
typical parental reactions on T.gordon

Order, directive, team.

These messages tell a child that his feelings or needs are not important; He must act in accordance with the fact that his parent feels or wants to do ("It doesn't matter to me that you are going to do: go home immediately"). They inform about the rejection of the child as it is at that moment ("stop spinning around me") and cause fear of parental government. They can create a feeling of resentment, anger, resistance and inform the child that the parent does not trust the judgments or the abilities of the child ("Do not touch this dish, go away from the baby").

Warning, warning, threat.

These parent reactions create a feeling of fear and submissions in children ("If you don't do it, you will regret"). They can also cause resistance and hostility.
These messages suggest that the parent does not respect the desires and feelings of the child ("If you don't stop the game, I'll chose it all"). These messages also cause a child to "experience" a parental threat to see whether the promised consequences will occur.

Admonition, learning, morality.

These messages lay on the child a cargo of external authority, debt, duties. Children can answer all these "should", "need", "follows" resistance and even stronger upholding of their position ("You must always respect our teachers"). They can make a child feel distrust by parents, or cause a child a feeling of guilt - "I am bad" ("You should not think so").

Tips, ready-made solutions.

Such messages are often perceived by children as evidence that parents do not trust the child's ability to make a decision. They may affect the formation of a child's feelings and cessation of independence ("What do I need to do, dad?"). Tips often transmit a sense of superiority of parents over a child ("We are better knowing about my mom"). The child can also work out the feeling that his parents do not understand him at all. Tips can lead to the fact that the child will cease to develop their own ideas.

Notation, teaching.

Children usually hate notations ("I went out, and I sit and listen"). The teachings make a student from a child, create a sense of subordination, inferiority. Children often mark parental arguments ("Your ideas are outdated") and, like adults, do not like when they argue that they are wrong. Sometimes children prefer to ignore the facts ("Well, and that", "do", "this will not happen to me").

Criticism, disagreement.

These messages are perhaps more than others cause children a feeling of inadequacy, stupidity, a worthlessness, "I'm bad." Estimates and judgments of parents are very affected by the image of the "I" in a child. As parents judge the child and the child will judge itself. Criticism also often causes controls ("I looked at myself", "do it yourself"). Evaluation makes children hide their feelings from parents ("if I tell them, they will scold me"). Private assessment and criticism lead to the fact that many children feel that they are bad, and that parents do not like them. Often they are angry on all this, and they can have hatred for parents.

Praise, consent.

Contrary to popular belief that praise always well affects the child, it often gives negative effects. A positive assessment that does not correspond to the image of a "I" of a child can cause hostility ("I hate my hair," "I played badly, awkwardly"). The lack of praise in the family, where usually is often praised, it can be understood by a child as criticism ("You said nothing about my hairstyle, it means that you don't like it").
Praise is often perceived by a child as a manipulation - as a way to gently make a child to do what you want to parents ("You speak it only to go well"). Children often feel inconvenience, embarrassed when they are praised publicly, before friends. Sometimes children discover that their parents do not understand them when they praise ("You would not say that if I knew how I really felt"). Children who are often praised can get used to praise, become addicted to it and even demand it ("True, I did it well?", "How do I look?").

Tailing, mock.

These reactions can have a destructive effect on the image "I". The most frequent answer to these messages is to send them back ("You yourself are lazy"). If such a message comes from the parent to influence the child, this reduces the likelihood that the child will change with a realistic look at itself. Instead, he will determine the parental message ("I don't have my cosmetics. It's funny and not true."

Interpretation, analysis, diagnosis.

These messages create a feel that he has "calculated", that parents know the motives of his behavior. This parent psychoanalysis can frustrate the child, to act threatening it. If this analysis or interpretation is true, then the child is very embarrassed, because He is "in sight," if they are incorrect - irritation for the fact that he was accused of unfair. Too frequent analysis Informs the child that parents smarter, wiser, the child feels the attitude of the superiority from parents. Messages like "I know why" and "I see you through" often interrupt communication and teach a child not to refer to parents with their problems.

Consolation, support.

These messages do not help so, as it seems. Consolation can give the child to feel that they do not understand it ("You would not say that if I knew how I was frightened). Parents console, because They are upset because the child is bad. Such messages tell the child what you want him to stop feeling, what he feels (disadvantaged, insult, etc.). Children can see attempts to console as attempts to change them and often cease to trust parents ("You say it's just because you want to encourage me"). These reactions can often stop further communication, because The child feels that the parent does not accept his experiences with such as they are, and wants they to quickly stop.

Questions, assigning.

Questions can mean for a child that you do not trust him, suspect something, doubt ("Did you wash your hands, as I said?"). Children feel threatened, especially if they do not understand why they are asked ("What are you calling?"). If you ask questions to a child who wants to divide his problem with you, he may suspect that you want to collect information to solve this problem for him, and not give him the opportunity to find himself the right solution. In this situation, questions restrict human freedom to talk about what he wants - in the sense that the question dictates a subsequent message. Limiting freedom of statement makes it difficult to communicate.

Distraction, appeal to a joke.

The child believes that he is not interested in the parent who does not respect his feelings and rejects him. Children are very serious when they want to talk about something. Admorting, a joke can make them feel rejected, offended. The distraction of children from severe feelings can give a temporary effect, but feelings do not pass. Pending problems are rarely resolved. Children, like adults, want to be listened to respect.

Active listening to the parent of the child

Let's start with what to hear and listen - various concepts. According to the dictionary of Ozhegov, hear - distinguish, to perceive something hearing; Listen - send rumors for something. Active hearing is one of the ways to solve the problems of the child. To actively listen to your child - it means to "return" to him in a conversation what he told you, while denoting his feeling.

If you are actively listening to your child, then be sure to turn to it. It is also very important that his and your eyes are on the same level. You can approach the child closer, sit next to him. Avoid communicating with the child, being in another room, turning facing the plate or to the sink with dishes; Watching TV, reading a newspaper; Sitting, leaning back on the back of the chair or lying on the sofa. Your position in relation to it and your posture is the first and strongest signals about how ready you to listen to and hear. The child of any age very carefully reads these signals, even without giving himself a conscious report in that.
If you are talking with a upset or sorry child, you should not ask him questions. The phrase decorated as a question does not reflect sympathy. It would seem that the difference between affirmative and question offer Very insignificant, and the reaction to them is very different. Often to the question: "What happened?" The sorry child will answer: "Nothing!", And if you say: "Something happened ...", then the child is easier to start talking about what has happened. Therefore, it is desirable that your answers sound in an affirmative form.
It is very important in a "keep pause" conversation. After each of your replica is best to get silent. Remember that this time belongs to the child; Do not clog it with your considerations and comments. A pause helps the child to figure out his experiences and at the same time feel that you are near. Sold out well and after the child's answer - maybe he will add something. Find out that the child is not ready to hear your replica, you can appearance. If his eyes are not looking at you, but to the side, "inside" or distance, then continue to be silent: it happens in it very important and necessary inner work.
In your reply, the child is sometimes useful to repeat that, as you understand, it happened to the child, and then designate this feeling. "I understand that you no longer want to be friends with Petya ... You've offended him ..."

results active hearing:

It disappears or, at least, the negative experience of the child is strongly weakened. It affects a wonderful pattern: the separated joy doubles, the separated grief decreases twice.
The child, making sure that the adult is ready to listen to him, starts talking about himself more and more.
The child himself is moving in solving his problem.

It is impossible to use a negative assessment of the activity of the child. You can't talk a child: "You can't, you can't ...". In these cases, the child cannot save the urge to this kind Activities, loses self-confidence.
It is impossible to allow negative assessment The activity of the child spread to his identity. This blocks the development of the child and forms a complex of inferiority. The neurotic development of the child begins with the experience of low self-esteem caused by the attitude of adults.
The intonation is very important, the emotional coloring of the statement facing the child. Children react not only to the content of the statement, but also on the emotional color, in which the attitude towards the child is concluded.
It is unacceptable to compare the child (his affairs and actions) with someone else, it is impossible to oppose it to anyone, such comparisons are, on the one hand, psychotracting, and on the other - they form negativism, egoism and envy.
Parents should create such a system of relationship with the child in which he will perceive himself only favorably (as the norm). Only in this case, he will be able to react normally to other people's successes without reducing self-esteem.
The main function of the family is to the ability social adaptation The child proceeded from its capabilities. Parents should learn to regulate the degree of psychological burden on a child, which should not exceed its capabilities.
In a relationship to the child it is unacceptable sharp transition Only positive estimates to sharply negative, from the punctured tone to the affiliates.
Parents must develop control over their communications with children, for their emotions and their external manifestation.

Rules of favorable relationships of parents with a child

Show the child that it loves it, what it is, and not his achievement.
It is impossible (even in the hearts) to tell the child that he is worse than others.
It is possible to honestly and patiently respond to any child questions.
Try every day to find time to be alone with your child.
Teach a child freely and easily communicate not only with your peers, but also with adults.
Feel free to emphasize that you are proud of them.
Be honest in the assessments of your feelings for the child.
Always tell the child the truth, even when it is unprofitable to you.
Evaluate only actions, not the child himself.
Do not achieve success by force. Forcing is the worst option moral education. Family coercion creates an atmosphere of the destruction of the child's personality.
Recognize the child's rights to errors.
Think O. children's bank Happy memories.
The child refers to himself as adults belong to it.
And in general, at least, sometimes put yourself in place of your child, and then you will be clearer how to behave with him.

When a child is insulting

It's a shame when all troubles are lying on you;
It's a shame when your successes remain unnoticed or attributed to others;
It's a shame when you do not trust you;
It's a shame when another, and not you, entrust what you can do well;
It's a shame when others are busy with something interesting, and you are forced to continue the boring, sad lesson;
It's a shame when from third hands learn about yourself "something new";
It's a shame when you are suspected of anything, and you do not have the opportunity to justify yourself;
It's a shame when you simply forgot about your concerns.

What makes resentment

Insults suddenly emerging and slowly accumulated,
can lead:

to the desire to "go to ourselves";
to isolation;
to alienation in relationships;
to the desire to "figure out the relationship", which can grow into conflict;
to the desire to present the environment in the "black tones";
to even more emotional advantage over rational;
to an increase in neuropsychic tensions;
to reduce activity;
to focus cognitive activity At the object of resentment and, as a result, to limit the possibilities to correctly evaluate the incoming information.

Before making a remark, put the following questions:

What condition is now?
What do I get my comment?
Is it enough time to not only scold, but also clarify why it is impossible to do this or that?
Will it not sound in a voice: "Yeah, caught!"?
Will my comment "hundred first" in the account? Do you have all this excerpt and patience? If not, do not make comments!

How to eliminate conflicts between children in the family

Rule 1. Instead of trying not to notice the negative feeling of the child in relation to his brother or sister, aware of himself and help to realize the child. Name the remarks of your child's sense, show that you understand it. Awareness of feelings, their recording is heavily for children and for their parents. You can do more. If you call out loud not implemented by the child's desires (because of what dislike the "opponent" - an interference for desires), and even express your sympathy, it will bring emotional relief. This will help the child to understand what exactly it is disturbing and grieves: not a brother or sister, and the fear of losing the feeling of security that gave the feeling of confidence in your exclusive, absolute love for it.
When children demand good feelings In relation to each other, they only enhance negative feelings. When you allow the child to experience negative feelings - listen to him calmly, show that you understand his feelings, it will lead to the appearance of positive feelings.
Rule 2. Try to help children find a safe and harmless exit for their negative feelings, teach them to express our feelings in a symbolic form (drawing, modeling, letter, diary, poems, etc.). And not in bulky and fights. This is precisely necessary to teach the child: to realize your feeling and to be able to express it constructively and safely, and not forbid this feeling to experience.
When a child needs to express feelings, put it before choosing a path of expression and help find the most constructive for this situation. This skill is not an instant reaction of a scream or fight, and the search for a constructive way to cope with the problem - will help him in the future.
Rule 3. Interfering in fights, stop them immediately, but at the same time try not to figure out who the offender who is a victim. Pay attention to the affected child, express faith in the ability of children to solve their disputes without a fight. Do not accustom to children to the fact that their disputes allow parents, encourage their own solutions.
It is necessary to try not only to interrupt and prohibit the fight, but also to prompt, as calmly and easily solve the conflict, or to switch the attention of children to the best deal with both the common cause or help you.
Rule 4. Try not to demand the children of the manifestations of love to each other. Your permanent behavior model has before your eyes. If there good example, Gradually, they will learn to them themselves.
Rule 5. Refer to K. negative feelings The child is like natural feelings, and not as the sinister signs that the child is angry, envious, bad. It is important to understand: the child is not guilty of his rejection, jealousy, in his feelings.

If you want to avoid rivalry between children

Do not try to always treat children equally: just feel right.
Remember that children are not obliged to constantly help their brothers or sisters. Sometimes they need to be alone.
Manifestations of justice, love and respect contribute to the establishment friendly relationship Between children in one family, they cause their desire to help each other.
Do not worry if children are often arguing. Disputes with brothers and sisters help the child to understand what is a relationship, and provide it with valuable trust and friendship lessons.
If, after gravity, children continue to quarrel and sculpt, use the method of "separation of territories". But do not use this method throughout the day, as children quickly forget about the resentment.
You have no need to interfere with your children's disputes and fights every time. If you avoid the responsibilities of the judge, then the children will take them on themselves to resolve the problem.
Some children fight and arrange quarrels to attract the attention of parents. Perhaps the child thinks he is less like. Try to dispel these doubts.
Do not forget to repeat the children that you trust them: Instead of harming each other, they will find a sense of responsibility and unity - for the sake of common benefit.

If parents often quarrel with a child

There are several rules of "competent" permission. family conflicts. Better, of course, if they occur not in the presence of children. If this is impossible due to the characteristics of your self-control, remember that no quarrel should affect the integrity of the family.

The turnover, statements regarding the status of the father or mother in the house, the inability of one of them to fulfill their marital or, are categorically excluded. parental dutiesInstructions on sophisticated infidelity and dishonesty in general, discussion of an alternative choice of each of the spouses ("If I knew, on whom I got married ...", "Who could assume that you will find such an union ...", "Another such a conversation, and You will grow your children yourself "(option -" We will never see them ... ")).
There should be no transfer of reproces on other family members, be it adults ("all in your mom!", "What else to expect, because I know my mother-in-law well ...") or children ("will not be surprised if it grows out of it Damn knows what! ").
The conflict provoked a specific reason, it should develop around it. One should not generalize a slight emboss, remove it into the rank of mortal sin. Broke a cup - it does not mean that stretch or "hands are not growing from there," forgot to buy products - it is not necessary "I completely forgot about the family." The reproach should be such that, if desired it can be answered. And how to prove that "not forget about the family"? What if at some point with reprocess it wants to agree?
If possible, their claims should be formulated not in the form of "you statements", but in the form of "I-statements": "I am disappointed that you forgot about my birthday ...", "I expected that you forgive me this delay wages..." etc.
Even during the quarrel should not go beyond the penis. Screams, hysterics, verbal licentiousness - it is absolutely always, but especially - if this makes a man. Relations between spouses cannot be symmetrical. These are not girlfriends and not classmates. Objections like "And you also told me!" There are no psychological justification, because men and women should and in quarrels to maintain their face.

Of course, it is better not to quarrel or quarrel portion. But we are not chosen in our lives. Families are emotionally closed, as a rule, also have their own "skeletons in the closet." And stormy "disassembly" to some extent have their own the good side. But remember that married quarrels are one of the lessons of how you do not need to behave in the family for your children.

Rules for the behavior of children in the family

1. Read the mother and father.

2. Show your parents.

3. Ask them about the past, about how they came in one situation or another.

4. Create an atmosphere of trust, do not behave as partisans.

5. Show the initiative, help parents in their affairs.

6. Show independence, and for this seek help to parents only in extreme cases.

7. Do not hurt your parents' head impartial or difficult demands.

8. Having regular instructions in the family, they are responsible.

During the period of oscillations and doubts it is useful to contact the classics. The Great Humanist Komensky did not at all urged the all-provenation and samonek. Hasive respect for the child organically combined in his teaching with just as great demands.

Mother's school is the first six years of the child's life. But this period is only a landmark. One thing is important: to school it is necessary to prepare - it is the obligation of parents, to prepare psychologically and physically, intellectually and emotionally, producing a positive motivation and joyful waiting for a meeting with a new life.

It is known that the problem of family and family education in last years Standing more than ever: demographers, sociologists, cultureologists, psychologists, teachers confirm the presence of a deep systemic family crisis.

Crisis Condition modern family - Social problem, requiring solutions, and social reality, waiting for help.

In the context of the crisis position of the modern family, it is impossible to solve family education problems at the expense of scattered and episodic measures. The solution of the tasks put forward to a greater extent depends on the consistency of the efforts and the unity of the requirements for students, families, schools, the public, from the general pedagogical culture of parents and all society. Raise the pedagogical culture of the population, improving family education is designed to a system of pedagogical support of the family and community of parents.

Lighting the main tasks and content of family education, it is necessary to arm parents specific methods and admission educational work With children, taking into account the features of personality formation at every age stage, specific educational funds, which has a family. The most effective means of education in the family is a personal example of parents, their behavior, authority, lifestyle of the family, its way, tradition, intra-family relationship, emotionally moral climate. Such categories such as respect for the traditions of the family, to the mother, to the father, to the elder generation, are of a special role in this regard.

The family of education in the family is determined by the predominance of certain methods of education, however, it is necessary to take into account the age characteristics of children related to the transition from childhood to adolescence, from adolescence to youth.

Humanity develops and improves itself through the upbringing of children. This is the greatest one of all the hands of human.

All parents are raised in different ways: each has their own styles, approaches, principles and values. There are no two identical families, especially if we are talking about the formation of the child's behavior - about discipline. Of course, you should not judge that correctly or wrong other parents support her in their family, - John and Karen Miller, authors, "Rules happy families"." However, they believe that there are only two types of upbringing - weak and strong - and on our choice depends whether the discipline in the family will be established.

For strong education, a solid approach is characterized, with a permeated love that teaches a child that parents for him are the highest authority. Such parents understand that the main goal of the discipline is to develop self-discipline in the child.

They do not leave responsibility, referring to the fact that:

"Too tired",
"Now it's uncomfortable",
"Will nothing happens."

And they do not say that unable to clean up, because everyone knows - it can be understood as strong.

In fact, most parents would say that discipline, supported by love, is a good thing, but to install it is a completely different matter. The problem of many parents is not how to introduce discipline (although this is also important), and in the desire to do it and understand when it needs to be done. What we are trying to draw attention to: parents should want to take up strong type Education and choose for him the right moment.

As for the study of the practical aspects of effective discipline, there are plenty of books, podcasts, sites and courses that teach parents with specific techniques and receptions on this topic. Please refer to any available sources.

The desire for parents to establish discipline is rooted in understanding that our children are a product of our upbringing, and we are responsible for them. Strong parents understand that this is their responsibility (which they themselves docked themselves - firmly and decisively form the identity of their children on the way to growing up.

Although the establishment of discipline requires strength and time, all participants will reap fruit. Thus, good parents disciplines themselves to discipline their children. They are not afraid to show hardness, because they are confident in their rightness.

Reason for anxiety

We offer parents of "discipline rules", prompting when it was time to be strong. If you want to learn purposefully, timely and effectively install discipline, we offer several key questions:

Disposher behavior. My child will not obey the eldest?
Aggressive behavior. My child is damaged to property?
Behavior attracting attention. My child prevents others?
Destructive behavior. My child makes harm to the environment?
Dangerous behavior. My child is dangerous or exposes the dangers of others?
Inquirement behavior. Does my child disrespect behaves with other people?

The answer is "yes" on any of these issues indicates that it has come time to express itself as a strong and responsible parent.

Therefore, instead of incorrect questions from the series "Why does my child behave so badly?" We will deliver QBQ questions (The Question Behind The Question - by the title of the concept "Question" question):

How do I master new upbringing skills?
How to conquer respect for the child?
How to get used to the role of a strong parent?
Why is my daughter so naughty?
When will my son stop nerving me?
Who will save me from these children?!

When parents ask the wrong issues, especially "Why is my child so unmanageable?", You can answer like this:

Because parents do not manage.

We give an example from life.

Once in the restaurant we drew attention to the sitting at the next table family couple With the baby who fastened a rubber airplane firmly in the handcle. The baby raised the toy high above his head and threw through the entire table with such a force that the glasses of parents trembled, attracting the attention of visitors. Then, like a blacksmith, a caring hammer, a boy raised a toy plane and kicked them about the table again, shouting in the entire throat.

Adults, sitting nearby, were clearly upset and confused by the behavior of the child and tried not to meet with other guests. But they did almost nothing to stop it disgrace.

It seemed to us that it was time for them to pick up a toy from the sins and whisper on the Ushko solid "impossible" or even withdraw him from the restaurant to calm down, but the boy again threw the aircraft on the floor. Having learned all the techniques used by young children to achieve the desired, he made a mini-hysterical. All the hopes for the fact that the Gallege will stop, collapsed, because his mother took the toy and raised it into the air, simultaneously imitating the hum of the aircraft. He landed right into small handles, who raised him again and rumbled at the table.

This story illustrates weak upbringing. Simply put, a child during the pregnancy of parents did what he wanted. Since the kid independently chose a manner of behavior, he became the master of himself. " At the same time, Dad and Mom renounced their leadership role.

So, you lost your power:

if your child constantly interferes when you are talking to other people;
constantly rolls, because it knows that your "no" will eventually turn into "yes";
you find excuses for his bad behavior, starting from "she is tired!" And ending with "his volitional character!";
you ask your children to do something, but they do it because you do not follow this;
you allow a son or daughter who is inconspicuously talking to you;
any punishments that you warn are canceled ahead of time or do not take effect.

Naturally, we love our children, worry about them and want them to succeed in life. We demonstrate love, not allowing them to approach riding machines, a hot plate and suspicious strangers. But good parents show love and when they refuse the weak scenarios of the upbringing described above. To be strong, responsible dips and mothers, work is required and attention, but this is normal, because no parent will avoid worries and alarms!

Strong education begins with strong values

Parents perform many important tasks, but probably the key is the transfer of values \u200b\u200bto their children. This process It is constant, repeatability and choosing "suitable moments."

All parents hold different principles, appreciate different deeds and success indicators.

For example, for someone, children's sports is associated with such concepts as the acquisition of new skills, exercises, building relationships and training teamwork.

Other parents associate sports with victories.

This is normal, just all over different priorities.

That is why some parents brag: "My child plays for the university team!" But honestly, we would be more glad if they said: "My baby has beautiful manners!" And "My child is very polite!"

Of course, no matter what values \u200b\u200bare right, is the main thing that you yourself are confident in them and lived in accordance with them.

The necessary element of the value orientation is the definitive values. These are the principles and actions that strong parents Clearly designated both good or bad.

For example, in a number of families, we observed such "impossible":

watch the films "Children up to 16",
squander
fight.

And in contrast to them such "can" and "need":

demonstrate good manners
be friendly with guests
respectfully talk to each other.

Impact values \u200b\u200bhelp parents and children to take wise decisions and make the right choice. They turn into instruments that guide us in all of our endeavors.

Ask yourself the following QBQ:

How can I clearly convey my values?
How can I better present my values \u200b\u200bto children?
How do I teach my children to make the right choice?
What are my immutable values?

John Miller
Karen Miller

Buy this book

Discussion

Comment Article "The behavior of a child: the rules of discipline establish parents"

It began ... Wound, but these are realities. Almost 5 years ago, we accepted in the seven three orphans, boys, pre-school brothers. The older was 5, the youngest year and a half. Through a short time It turned out that children are very poorly adapted in society. The established rules cannot comply with the instructions of adults to work in classes, adequately respond to comments. That visual effect that the children are externally very beautiful, well-groomed, the sleeves, developed and nonsense - causes the surrounding ...

Discussion

Hello, I know the year has passed as you wrote here about your problem, how did you decide everything? My son is in first grade, translated him to another school in November and in the month began all the horror that you write here !! Mostly with teachers and school director, I I don't know how to help my son !!! There are no places in another school, with classmates part, girls mostly get along, but scary scary with loans! And the threats and insults of the director, I can't cry at home, I see how to bring it ... with junior Son. 5,5 excellent relations, there are no psychos at home ... but there ... And they went to the neuropathologist, and the pediatrician ... and the kindergarten was all talking normal child.... how to solve the situation, but they insult me \u200b\u200bthat I am inactive ...

04/05/2018 14:51:45, kris66ty

Lee, forces you and patience! Soviets give no due to the lack of such experience, but support you good wishes I want to. Health and wisdom in the new year!

The causes of the child's difficulties can be hidden in the sphere of its feelings. In such cases, it must be actively listening - to return to him what he told you, while denoting his feeling; Do not leave the child alone with his experience in our usual "it's too late", "it's time to sleep." Methods of active hearing: 1) Turn to the child by a person 2) not to ask him questions; Its answers to build in an affirmative form. The question sounds like cold curiosity, and the affirmative phrase - as an understanding and ...

After discharge from the hospital, parents have to do formal, but necessary for the work: legal registration necessary documents. Obtaining a birth certificate to be needed: Help from maternity hospital Parent Passports Certificate of marriage (if not, it is necessary for the presence of both parents) issues: Parents' passports with marks in the column "Children" Certificate of birth of a child 2 certificates for receiving benefits (to work one of the parents and in the Sobes department) registration for ...

Here in the behavior of the child of the author, I do not see any mental deviations. And normally, when the child gets out of the house, where the rules and restrictions have already been built, in new teamwhere the rules are not yet installed and he is not used to them.

Discussion

Thanks to everyone! Today, after all, I went to the director (yesterday I drank Valerian and calmed down). Suddenly cute talked. I said that I regret what happened that I talked with my son, which will try, etc.
Decided to resemble a school psychologist.

12.12.2015 20:35:04, Mother Crazy

My children do not behave this way. And, of course, this is not very good behavior.
The situation is not simple, in my opinion.
On the one hand, you will not go, the sediment from the director and teachers will remain. Who knows what it will turn against you.
On the other hand, I do not see any act of your son at all, about which should be called to the director. Everywhere there were always such children, and will be. And he leads itself adequately, just a hooligan.
And I do not like this position of the school - it looks very like shifting the responsibility of its control over the behavior of children at school for parents.
I would probably have gone. He listened, apologized once again, but would ask more about such reasons not to disturb me, but to send their efforts to take care of children at school and organizing the educational process.

If children are raised at home so that the rules do not observe and calm tones do not understand - then you have to scream. If everything was so simple, the problem of discipline in the lessons would not stand at all. The teacher puts bad behavior Twos - Parents are deprived of their parents ...

Discussion

There was such a case, only in grade 1. In school, there is always a psychologist in the state, which is necessarily periodically present in the lessons in primary school - In grade 1, be sure (diagnostics), then monitoring. You can go to a psychologist at the reception time and find out (without going into discussion of the statement topic), what a microclimate in the class, as the tie perceive then, the fifth-tenth, general questions ... This is the first. Second. Who is the initiator of all that is happening? Most likely it is not a spontaneous rally when everyone has "boiled", and skillfully planned agitation. And most likely there are two parents who did not please the teacher. Maybe "did not see the genius" in their children or something else ... Job with my parents. Is there a candidate for replacement? Is there a warranty, what will be very better? If I were pleased with my teacher, I would not sign. I would prevail not to walk and collect the address signatures, but to get together and centrally and objectively to discuss everything so that everyone can speak. And so, some kind of provocation ... did they prevent their claims to the teacher? At the meeting spoke? Or is it all solved behind her back?

Son 5 years ago, a similar situation has ended with the fact that dissatisfied parents together with children and the teacher went to the neighboring school, the remaining children was given another teacher. My son was among those who remained.

Remember: You are the main !!! When I remember my own behavior, I understand that main reasonAccording to which I could not call for children to discipline, this is my unwillingness to suppress them a delightful, unique personality. I did not want to suppress their individuality. This is a very American approach, and he has his own positive sidesBut we managed even all good to bring to extremes. In France, all family members have their own roles. Parents are the main, children obey the main ...

DISCIPLINE. Rising children, remember that you are laying future features of their character. The discipline is welcomed everywhere in each family. Children need to be disciplined properly. Think about whether your children often before do something, are you advised? Children need a certain order in their lives. An integral part right Development The child is discipline. The more time parents will spend on raising their babies, the more they will feel ...

How often do you have to justify brothers and sisters that do not get along with each other or even fight? I had to hear different parental excuses: And my brother and I, too, in childhood as a cat with a dog lived. Yes, all children fight. So what can I do?! There will be a difference in the eye, will learn to civilive to argue ... But I have another output, more precisely, a series of argued conclusions. Senior younger not comrade? My friend has two daughters with a number of ten years. Older...

"A little bad parents, or the introduction into the public consciousness of basic information about international standards, principles, rules and norms that make up the basis of the juvenile justice system »Legal investigation - 1. [Link-1] quote: Next Egorova M.O. It claims that: 1.A is this law gives them another measure - a period when you can work with your family, and not officials are included in this work, it is clearly written in the law, health care, education and social protection institutions are included ...

Discussion

To counteract juvenile justice, a system of child's world has been developed, as I understand it, analyzing the materials of this site of 7YARU. As a result, each child even in a large and poor family becomes healthy and physically phenomenally developed (the program "Childhood - without disease", B.P. Nikitin, V.S. Skripalev, 1973); Children grow up and are educated (the program: "Each family - gifted children", 1998, P.V. Talev), professionally highly educated (program: "Every child is a genius, help him develop!)", as well as the program "High School - For three years, "(V.F. Shatalov). It was proved that the costs of education and education are reduced by 3-5 times.
To do this, the conference "Early Development" was created on this site.
All these programs and the results of blocking the emerging juvenile justice there, on " Early development"Discussed - in the early 2000s.
But bringing this system "The World of the Child" to the parents is blocked by the media. :(
As I know from discussions on this site, in 1998 and 1999, Novators Nikitin teachers, Shatalov, Tyulenev, Skripalev proposed a program for financing parental training in the world - " maternal capital"For anti-the ideas of juvenile justice. But the Surkov" Experts "and the assistants turned it into a financing program ... anything, not only the preparation of parents on the system of methods of intellectual (intelligent) development of children, and not as it fell :(
In principle, normal enlightened parents are not afraid of not only juvenile justice, but even kindergarten, and schools, as well as universities: Anyway, by the system of the world of the child, their children grow healthy, smart and gifted and talented. :) But this is possible if you enlighten them, that is, according to Christian, they will become holy for them and their children ...

When I was a little, my mother often told friends and acquaintances: "I believe my daughter, she never loves me! If she said something, it means that it is!" I do not know intentionally or by chance, but often she spoke to this phrase in my presence. And I was overwhelmed by a feeling of pride ... and responsibility ... and I did not lie. I just could not, because my mother believed me !!! Simple pedagogical reception, but he worked! I still do not know, my mother came up with or read somewhere. And I always believed that with my ...

Discussion

Believe. And I know that she does not lie. When it had long inspired her thought that it was always necessary to tell the truth, and for the truth I would never give it to do it there.

One thing - to believe, others - no. I believed my son, because He is never lying. The sister of the senior believed for the same reason, and did not believe the younger, because he is lying almost always. And not from fear, but simply a lie by nature and never wanted to learn. If they believed him, it was scary to think that it turned out.

04/14/2012 20:16:32, why?

I was struck by the reaction and behavior of parents of girls participating in the conflict: one mommy allowed themselves to come to school and spoil the girl R., who allegedly offended her daughter, in the head of the eleventh Family Code The Russian Federation has established minors for juvenile children.

Discussion

You are right, there are such laws by which a foreign parent has the right to communicate with a child only in the presence of a teacher. Tell your child to ask for help to the teacher if the conflict will occur at school.

07.03.2012 22:58:26, first teacher

If at my daughter at school, there was a foreign milf, I would have arranged a scandal at the Level of Director School (written statement to the director with a copy of the district education department). Outside the school - another situation ... No conflict should be settled without my participation.

Why child stealing? The development of the nature of the natural vectors directly depends on the upbringing. Unfortunately, parents at discharge from the hospital, along with the baby, do not issue instructions for use. Preferably brochure by system-vector psychologythat would help adults correctly define a child's vector and direct it in the right direction. Let the baby go into free swimming, as well as to bind anchor means to grow a loser. The sad reality indicates that ...

Discussion

This is really a problem when two elements are facing - anal and skin. About the urethral (relative to the skin) is scary and overlooked). Well, how can an anal person with his "I don't need someone else!" Understand this "small rogue", which only soothes his biochemistry, violated by us - parents ..
After the training, we begin to understand that the leather at some point can be allowed and loving .. and if he stole, it is not exacerbated to the top with a strap, but in the end, to talk, explain, ridiculous in the end, send to receive the real satisfaction of the biochemistry. It is important that we understand - a man (child) rules his mental, he does not specifically make it - his desire to paint only the consequence of his innocent excellent properties and .. our upbringing. But how to be other parents who do not know the systemic, not even imagine ... ((

I have one friend whom parents still scored in prison. Such a beautiful skin-sound-visual guy.

list of previous post: What you need to specify with a nanny when it starts working in your family. 7. Communication with outsiders. Best Write a list of those who can open the door of the apartment (it can be your relatives, friends, neighbors), give the ability to nanny to take your own guests, like when it should coordinate with the employer. Tell her that during walks she should carefully choose children (parents, nanny) to communicate in terms of lack of ...

Ochlophability * for all academic disciplines is extremely low. Repeated, for many years, appeal to mothers of this child both parents of the class and many teachers with a request to influence and adjust his behavior, remain unanswered.

Discussion

I have a new boy in class. It is very difficult to make up relations with classmates. It attacks, he fights, swears Mat. There were conversations with their parents, during which it turned out that these parents teach him this. I can make a competent report

We wrote like this:
Helped-took the dietary in the special school.

School Director _________

From parents ******* class
school number __________

Dear ***********!

We convincingly ask you to assist on the translation from our class of a student ******* class ****************.
Throughout the six years, studies in our class this child behaves extremely aggressively towards other children and teachers. It was repeatedly injured by classmates, constantly uses an abnormative vocabulary when communicating both with children and teachers.
Stay ************* In the student team, it is extremely negatively reflected on educational process Other children: He constantly distracts students with insulting shouts in full voice (including fascist and obscene) and the walking in class during classes, absolutely inadequately responds to comments in their address. In this environment, the work of the teacher is extremely difficult, and assimilation educational material ineffective. Because of one child, completely ignoring generally accepted behaviors in the team, 17 class students suffer from the entire pedagogical composition of the school, the curriculum is not fulfilled.
The performance of ********** on all academic disciplines is extremely low.
Repeated, for many years, appeal to the mother of a given child both parents of the class and many teachers with a request to influence and adjust his behavior, remain unanswered. Every year the situation worsens and becomes increasingly uncontrollable.
Obviously, finding a child with an unstable psyche and an inadequate reaction to children's team It is extremely dangerous in a moral and physical sense and requires the intervention of psychologists.
Given all the above, as well as the fact that this child is registered and lives in a large distance from school, we ask you to carefully treat this situation and put in front of the parents ********* and higher instances the question of transferring it to a specialized learning institution.
If necessary, state this problem In controlling schools, we are ready to do it.
Regards - Parents of students ********* Class:
1.___________(________________) 2.___________(________________)

School for children with deviant behavior -Sem other. What kind of fruit can know what kind of fruit from the author, maybe he is there the very place, while he didn't care about it. That he walks the framework to be, for the boy, it is necessary, the discipline must be established by parents.

Discussion

it seems to me that the problem is that he launched a class study from the 5th and panic and he can neither tell you himself to solve the problem of this snowball. And he is not very confident. Father refused him in transitional - this is very bad. But at home he is good and calmly so he behaves well at home. It seems to me here it is necessary to choose the way of saving holes, take the most unsuccessful item for which 2 and either hide the tutor or yourself occupy from the missed moments. As soon as he can choose one subject, start adding the rest. And I would also go to the psychologist, there are quite good psychologists in the nerzemer. Good luck.

17.12.2010 15:31:04, i can not enter your nickname, buggy comp

If you live in the VDNH area, there is a center of psychology "on the snowy", they have a good job with adolescents. Go to the consultation (this is free, the center of the state); If I'm not mistaken, they choke a school for teenagers with deviant behavior (this is somewhere on Rostokinskaya street, right?). Most likely you decide with them, "is it all running" to go to this school, or you can find some other ways to influence your son.

The problem is in the child's behavior in the kindergarten. Most likely, the child gets tired of big Team Children and from strict discipline. The commission can also cause parents if your son offends their children.

Discussion

Really need to a psychoneurologist. Preferably good. And be sure to describe the whole situation. Most likely, the child gets tired of the large collective of children and from strict discipline. Perhaps at home it is simply not required. Perhaps he will register vitamins some, advise something to caregivers. Keep in mind, such behavior can be a protective reaction if someone from the child's tutors does not like and slowly takes. By the way, you can still go to a psychologist with this. It is very strange that the child the garden does not want to remember at home ...

11/09/2010 09:02:47, mom hypers

We have the same problem. My daughter is 4.5 years old, at home 1.5 years. Also at home everything is perfect, in the garden horror horror. We are in the process of combating our problems. I can tell about minor victories:
1. You can not drive out of the garden. This requires an external commission. In the garden, they do not like to admit that they could not solve their problems independently. The commission can also cause parents if your son offends their children. This option is again not profitable. The commission can drive only if the problems are not behavioral, but mental.
2. Transfer from the group to a group for children, in whose childhood there were losses - it is definitely bad. My three times translated only worse.
3. Collaborate with a psychologist, although you don't seem like a fountain, like us. But for the pro forma it is necessary.
4. To be friends with educators, and most importantly with the head. To tell what you do outside the garden to eliminate the situation. Give gifts to educators.

What we did at home:
1. Go to K. a good psychologist. Received some quantity useful Soviets + Additional trump card in the garden are engaged in a child.
Briefly, what a psychologist said and that universally. Children from DD have a property to lag in development + roll back with waves in some spheres. I'm on Yane, I see at home. So the inadequate in the garden is: rollback back (and therefore trite will turn out) + hyper need for love.

2. Tale therapy helps us. Yana after her went to contact, recognized the problem and began to say that she was worried about her garden. If I wonder you, let's tell you about the fairy tales, which I am invented for Yana and they teach her to fight the attacks of aggression and disobedience.
Morozova Nina Viktorovna
Yes, I have a girl. Why? I was asked everywhere: whom do you want? I did not care. But the first child I saw was my daughter.
I didn't watch more babies. I did not want to watch.
I still can not imagine how you can see 20 pairs of orphan ice or choose one. And ... I am glad that fate ordered this way and I now have a daughter.

03/30/2003 19:55:44, Anka

I make clarity, because Once I specifically studied this question. Girls demand more often because the initiator of receiving someone else's child in 90% of cases is a woman who was originally born to be a mother she wants to be a fellow soul close to her, what a girl is considered, and the girl is more hope for old age, daughters do not forget to care for parents. Naturally, there are exceptions, but the life around us demonstrates exactly that. That adopted girls are easier adapting to new family, not proven, but in teenage years With girls there are more problemsthan with boys, because They ripen before. And the boy is easier to adopt precisely because they are less demand.

- This is the meaning of our life, the driving force that makes us set goals and reach them. That for which we become better, improving and developing, these are people who love us and whom we love. Why is sometimes the relationship inside the family develop so not easy?

Most likely, the reason is that we, consciously or not, ignore such a concept as a family etiquette. Despite the fact that at school, each of us was the subject of "Family Life Ethics", hardly anyone made something useful for themselves from these funny and "not important" lessons. Only with age and experience you realize that without some moral principles, values \u200b\u200band elementary ethics, it is very difficult to get along in one territory to several people, especially if these people belong to different generations and between them lies the abyss of interpoven misunderstanding. Let's, being in a conscious age, in the right mind and a solid memory will repeat what they perceived as the demagogy of boring teachers, namely, the rules of the family etiquette.

1. In the first place

Without respect, no coexistence of people is impossible. Such simple postulates: respect the opinion of another person, loyally treat habits, take into account the tastes and comply with the personal space of all family members, seem to be unnecessary? If you only follow these few points, conflict situations It will be less than less. It is so easy to be polite, tactful, attentive and caring with outsiders, but for some reason we forget that all this is, first of all, it is necessary to our households, especially the older generation. For some reason, it comes out of fashion the respect of the elders, obedience to them. We are less and less listening to the elderly, neglecting them life experience And their wisdom. But perhaps, it is one of the main reasons for the increase in the decay of marriages. Mutual respect, as the most important component of the family etiquette, makes it possible to improve mutual understanding, simplifies cohabitation All family members. Is not simple rules behavior, and - the experience and wisdom of many generations.

2. Do not bring sorny from

Spouse and spouse are obliged to solve their problems themselves. In no cases should complain to parents. And parents, in turn, should not interfere in personal life His children. It should be understood that negative and distrust destroys the family - it brings a lot of pain and suffering to all family members. It is also not appropriate to endure unauthorized persons purely family questions and problems. In this case, it is necessary to remember that relatives and close sincerely wish you happiness and act only from the best motives.

3. Autonomy young family

Psychologists believe that it is better to educate children if three generations live in one house: grandparents, dads and moms, children. But young parents seek by all means to independently and autonomy, which is not surprising, because the mother-in-law and mother-in-law should be patient and be more restrained in their good intentions and councils. And how often did you meet quiet and modest mother-in-law or anything interfering in anything? This is a rarity, often grandparents are trying to control the life of a young family and involuntarily disturb the harmony of the Union. But this is precisely those women in the family who wiser and more experienced. Wishing the family of happiness and prosperity, they must maintain neutrality, without taking the side of the daughter or the Son. Remember, the happiness of your child's family is his personal happiness and joy.

4. Electric courtesy

Comfort in the family is created by elementary respect and care. Should not forget about simple words, such as "Thank you", "please", etc. We remember about respect for the elders and constantly express it verbally and in behavior. Do not forget what matters and value for other members of your family, even if it is extremely small for you. Do not break the personal space. After all, for a person it can be very painful and psychologically difficult. The same applies to children. Many parents destroyed and continue to destroy the personal space of the child, believing that they were entitled to act in this way, as they were engaged in their education. But such disrespects can cause many unwanted consequences in the formation of the nature and moral norms of a person.

5. Forbidden - Fight!

No need to discuss other family members, or friends and acquaintances in the presence of children. In no case is unacceptable so that the child witnesses the Sor and the scandals of his loved ones. It's not only bad example, but also the destruction of fragile children's psyche. If parents demand something from the child, they themselves must be immaculately executed. Only on yours personal example The child understands the importance and significance of what adults require from it.

6. Children's education is self-education

A older people must follow themselves and think about every step and every word, as they serve as an example for younger. Do not think that the obstacle dismounts will remain unnoticed for children's ears. Children like a sponge - they absorb all that they surround them. It is useless to tell them about how to behave. You just need to behave as you want your children. It is not easy, but this is an integral part of the upbringing. We continue to learn and improve throughout your life. And we teach each other exactly. We are teachers, and we are students.

7.The unity

The main rule of the family etiquette is the family of most important. And all decisions that directly or indirectly concern other family members are accepted together. If the family has a problem related to children, for example, financial difficulties that entail a reduction in budget for entertainment or refusal of some circles and sections, it must be discussed in the presence of children. Children should and have the right to know about the difficulties with whom they have to face their parents, so they study sympathy and self-protection. Rise up in your children and in every way to support the idea of \u200b\u200bthe generality and unity of your cell of society. This is a pledge of a strong and happy family.