Children. School. Family.: Signs of parental love. How to express your feelings? Symbols of love
« The only love I believe in is the love of a mother for her child.” Karl Lagerfeld
“When I realize to the point of despair that I bad mother- I start in a hurry to catch up, suck up and please. But in this profession, you can’t make up for the loss. ” Ludmila Gurchenko
“Before I had a child, I thought I knew everything about myself. The boundaries of my heart were explored and how wonderful it was to understand that this was not the limit. My love can be limitless." Uma Thurman
"It is doubtful that in the whole universe there is anything more gratifying than the feelings that awaken in the heart of a mother at the sight of her child's tiny slipper." Victor Hugo.
"I am a mother, and a mother is never alone." Catherine Deneuve
"The best place for tears is mom's hugs." Jodi Picoult
"Thank you mom for teaching me how to dream." Jared Leto
"A mother should always think twice - first of all for the child, only then for herself." Sophia Loren
"My mom is the only person I can give diamond jewelry to." Leonardo DiCaprio
“I found out that being a baby is much more difficult. Motherhood is incomparable to what it is like to be a child.” Eva Mendes
“Motherhood has made me more open and receptive to the world. I began to judge people less, became less strict towards them. Natalie Portman
“Motherhood has changed me a lot. I realized that now I can’t afford to engage in self-destruction.” Angelina Jolie
“Motherhood is wonderful and magical. But it's very tiring." Scarlett Johansson
“Mom is the name of God on the lips and in the hearts of babies.” William Thackeray
"Real motherhood is courageous." Marina Tsvetaeva
"Biology is the last thing that makes a woman a mother." Oprah Winfrey
“A mother's love is omnipotent, primitive, selfish, and at the same time disinterested. It doesn't depend on anything." Theodore Dreiser
“A man loves his mother almost unconsciously, without feeling, because it is as natural as life itself. No other attachment is comparable to this one, because all the others are accidental, and this one is innate, all the others are imposed on us later by various life circumstances, and this one lives from our first day in our very blood. Guy de Maupassant
"If men had to give birth, none of them would have more than one child." Princess Diana
“It doesn’t matter how old you are and what you have achieved: you still need a mother.” Kate Winslet
According to scientists, only 7-10% of the content of communication is conveyed by the meaning of words, about 40% - by those How these words are pronounced and 50-55% are conveyed by facial expressions.
The most eagerly caught sign of love is a glance. How carefully a child looks at his mother and father, trying to make sure that they love him. How often during the day, week, month, we looked at the child with love, and so that he saw it too? Children, teenagers draw eyes from time to time, separately, by themselves. Those eyes haunt them. They are not kind, but controlling. Where was? with whom? How are things at school? why are you cheating? why don't you do your homework? What are your grades at school today? What are you doing over there? how dare you? Etc. What expression do the eyes have when people ask such questions?
Another sign parental love- this is a tone of voice in which there is kindness, gentleness, and confidence. Such a voice calms the child, supports him, inspires confidence in himself. Of course, children are not angels, sometimes their behavior causes anger, fear, indignation, resentment in adults. The arisen feeling can be subject to the parent and he will be able to restrain his feeling, but this is not always the case. Sometimes the child needs to know that he caused such feelings and hear a stern, indignant voice, if this is tolerable for the child and rarely happens. The rest of the time, the voice of the parents sounds kind to the child.
Another very important sign is attention to the child's feelings. To do this, the parent must be capable of sympathy, empathy, empathy. Not everyone is given this. To notice the feelings of a child, to show true sympathy, to reflect, to mirror feelings, to name them correctly is a talent, but this skill can be learned
Someone will say - "my child behaves badly very often, or even almost all the time - and I get angry in response." Then I will say - "You do not love your child, you want another child, but you do not need this one, he is not what you need." And this child lives without love, he cannot be different, he does not have enough strength. Children with bad behavior love is the cure. The worse the child behaves, the more he needs love. If a child with bad behavior grows up in the family, there is no need to look for the guilty, why he is like that. He needs to be healed with love. This is the first. And the second is to be attentive to his needs and concerns. And the third is to teach the child to live in this world, taking into account its possibilities and limitations.
It is bad if the parents themselves are immature, they themselves lack love, joy and meaningfulness of life. Then they expect that the child will give it to them and are disappointed in him.
Large, unhappy child-parents live next to the child and act from a position of strength, wanting to change the child for their own convenience.
Another sign is a friendly interest in the child, in his affairs and interests. This is possible only if this interest is actually available. Then it is expressed in words in such a way that the child is happy to answer questions and talk about himself. If he doesn’t want to talk, then he perceives questions as control, and not as a friendly interest.
The next sign is to become interested in what the child cares about. Usually the parent takes care about the child But it's not the same thing - to take care of a person and take care of his worries. In the first case, we ourselves determine what a person needs, what is useful to him from our point of view. In the second case, it is necessary to be so attentive to another person in order to understand for sure what is his concern, make sure, clarify and then take part in it.
There is another sign of love. The one who loves sees the loved one not only as he is, but also as he is. can be at its best. One parent will say: "you won't succeed - you're too lazy." This parent knows that it is difficult for lazy people to fulfill their dreams, therefore they "anticipate" the development of their child according to the worst scenario, and the child's psyche unconsciously "records" the likelihood of such a course of events. The more often, the more insistently, more aggressive parent“hammers” such scenarios, more likely their implementation. Of course, the parent is sure that he says such words “with the best of intentions”, so that the child, frightened, changes his behavior, but the brain, like a computer, “recorded everything on the hard drive” and at some point is ready to reproduce it. In fact, with these words, the parent takes revenge on his child for disobedience, for inconsistency, for disappointment in him. Such words never come from love and therefore will never be useful. Love inspires hope, fills with energy and directs to a better incarnation.
An experiment was conducted in one school: several children with bad behavior and poor academic performance were transferred to another school, after warning teachers new school that these children are talented but very vulnerable to criticism, negative ratings and rejection, so the hope was expressed for the professionalism of the teachers in this school. By the end of the year, the children began to study well, discovered some talents, and their behavior became quite normal. The teachers were able to set up children's team to support newcomers and themselves showed attention and care towards them, and the result exceeded expectations. Many adults today remember in their childhood some person (sometimes several) who, in difficult period turned out to be nearby and his support was extremely important and even "fateful". Parents can also be saviors, or they can play a sinister role. Thus, parents can unconsciously contribute to the best and worst embodiment of the future fate of their child.
Mother's love is holy feeling. In all nations, offending a mother, raising a hand against her is a taboo. Maternal love is given to every person from birth, this is what protects us all our lives, even if mom is no longer around. But love must be wise, otherwise it can cripple.
Mother - main man in the life of each of us. It opens the world to us, teaches kindness, gentleness. It seems to us that mother was and will always be, she is immortal. And only after her departure, we realize that she was not eternal ... We understand that we did not have time to tell her much. This feeling is experienced by every person, it is a part of our life.
A woman carries a child and gives birth to him. For nine months they are one. A child is a real part of her body and soul, so an eternal relationship arises between them. inseparable bond. Even if the children go far to the ends of the world or for some reason forget their mother, this bond will still remain, it is indestructible.
The mother loves the child disinterestedly, she is ready to give everything to him. The only satisfaction for her, it is his health, happiness and contentment with life.
Mom gives each of us a model female behavior in society and teaches us about relationships in the family. These models are important for both daughters and sons, who, growing up, often choose women who look like their mothers as wives, even if they themselves do not realize it.
Signs of love are very important experienced by a mother towards her child. Show them more often, do not skimp on them.
Lots of signs of love. First, this tactile sensations, weasel. Everyone understands them, starting from the first day of life. Touch the child, stroke it, hold it close to you, warm it with your warmth. All this can be done without words. For example, with the help of touches, you can make peace after a quarrel, they act better than words which may even be redundant.
Further, signs of mother's love are care, attention. For example, help with homework, folded clean clothes, a cooked lunch, a meeting after school, attention to the child's stories about what happened during the day - all this is necessary for your offspring. A fairy tale read to a baby before going to bed is also taking care of him so that he falls asleep calm and peaceful.
Signs of love are the desire to provide for the needs of the child. That's what parents do to make sure that the child has everything he needs. Yes, sometimes these needs are difficult to meet. But you need to look for opportunities and explain to the child if you cannot do something for him.
And most importantly, the ability to forgive. This is the quintessence maternal love, highest degree its manifestations. This is the foundation harmonious relations in family. The ability to forgive and accept is the essence of a woman, her wisdom.
In the life of a child complicated adolescence . Here the mother must call upon all her patience and wisdom to help. It is necessary to go through this period carefully and carefully: to be strict, but also kind, demanding, but also soft. If you leave the child to himself or, conversely, put too much pressure on him, you can wait for trouble. The child should know: no matter what happens, he can always come to his mother, she will understand and protect him.
Well, when a child becomes an adult, it is necessary to get rid of the role of a mentor and teacher in time and take on the role of a tactful friend. It is necessary to delicately step aside and let your child live its own life. Give advice in moderation, refrain from negative statements of your assessments, do not try to manipulate the child's feelings and get away from the annoying presence in his life. This will be the manifestation of the love of a mother and a wise woman!
Encounter with reality
She calls his mother every day - in the morning and in the evening. She is a woman in her early thirties, happily (happily?) married, with two degrees, and now on parental leave.
She has a husband and a little daughter who love her and expect love from her. She calls her mother with the hope of hearing from her that she loves her, thinks about her, it’s easy to hear nice words the support she needs right now. But in response, she hears only criticism, assessments, and instructions that have already become habitual.
Mom regularly tells her on the phone what a bad housewife she is, a useless mother, an ungrateful daughter ...
She listens to all this, then cries ... She cries quietly so that none of her relatives notice her tears. But still she keeps calling.
She hopes that her mother will someday change and tell her the words that she has been waiting for from her for so long ...
She does not notice that there are two people nearby who want her attention, love and warmth: her husband and daughter.
Mother all his life waiting for similar words from his mother (grandmother). She, a woman in her early fifties, still calls her mother daily and hopes to hear words of love and support from her. She wanted it so badly that she gave up on herself. She did everything the way her mother wanted, trying to guess what she wanted.
Yes, she did everything “correctly”: she kicked her husband out of the house (he began to drink and was far from ideal), raised her daughter heroically alone. It wasn't up to here tender words and manifestations of love-affection - the upbringing was strict. She did not spare instructions: how to live, what to do in order to grow up decent. For the sake of her daughter, she gave up personal life and put an end to her femininity: the resisting nature was pacified with the help of a series of surgical operations.
She still continues to hope that her mother will someday change and tell her the words that she has been waiting for from her for so long ... She does not notice that there are two people nearby who want her attention, love and warmth: a daughter and a granddaughter.
Grandmother- a heroic woman, a general in a skirt! All her life she worked selflessly and continues to do so today. At almost eighty, he works hard in the country, giving odds to his daughters. It seems that she lives while she works. Along the way, he continues to actively "command the parade." She has a rich life experience, and she continues to teach her family, how and what to do, how to live correctly, not skimping on criticism, instructions, assessments.
She is "iron" and she is not up to tenderness and "pink snot." She still continues to hope that someday she will be able to teach them the mind and they will finally begin to live “correctly” ... She does not notice that there are close people nearby who need her attention, love and warmth: daughters, granddaughter, great-granddaughter.
Daughter, a little girl, she is almost three years old. She does not understand what all these adults, people close to her, want from her, but she tries to do it with all her might. She so wants tenderness, care, love from her mother, grandmother, great-grandmother ... From all these adults, smart and experienced people. She hopes that someday they will change and just love her...
When I regularly encounter these kinds of stories from my clients, I never cease to be amazed at the power of motherly love. Each time it is impressive how great the child's need for mother's love is and how great the mother's power over the child is!
I am amazed how people manage to build relationships with loved ones, in every possible way avoiding manifestations of love. I marvel at the hope that never dies waiting to receive that same love!
Working with such stories, you understand that here you are faced with something systemic, something that goes beyond the experience of an individual person. We are talking about the heritage that is passed down from generation to generation in the form of life attitudes, a picture of the World, a picture of the Other and ways of relating to him, which forms life scenarios.
IN this case we are talking about a way of interaction "mother-child" with a violation of the "flow of love." A method that is copied over and over again, from mother to child, and passed down from generation to generation as a kind of relay race, making all the “actors of this life theater” unhappy, but turning out to be powerless to change anything in relations with loved ones.
There are no right and wrong here, because everyone sincerely wishes good for another and does it in such a way, so he can ... But nevertheless, everyone turns out to be unhappy. And someone needs to interrupt this vicious baton of dislike.Maybe it's for you...
How to stop this relay race of dislike? Here are some therapeutic recommendations:
The first step is to recognize your script
The first step on this path is to recognize your life script, which does not allow you to establish truly close relationships. Only then there is a chance to interrupt it and break through to intimacy.
The scenario, according to Berne, is the constantly unfolding life plan of a person, which is formed in early childhood under the influence of parents. family scenario contains established traditions and expectations for each family member, which are successfully passed down from generation to generation.
Having received the instructions of the parents, the child unconsciously accepts them and forms the roles necessary for the implementation of his life drama. Distinctive feature such a life is its dramatic, and sometimes tragic. The scenario marker is its repeatability, which is manifested in the regular reproducibility of life, relationships, both at the level of a person’s personal history and at the level of the history of other members of his family.
In this case, we are talking about this kind of scenario relationship, in which there are difficulties in the circulation of love between relatives.
By becoming aware of your script, you have a chance to interrupt this automatic way of life that leads to a lack of love in close relationships.
Stage 2 - give up and mourn the loss of the perfect mom
The next step on the path to love will be the need to give up hope that your mother will one day change and give you what you have been waiting for all your life from her. Hope is a purely "human" phenomenon. Hope does not allow illusions to die. And the truth of life is that people don't change unless they want to. And they usually don't want to. If only because they themselves are not aware of their life scenario traps.
Psychoanalysts (in particular Melanie Klein ) argue that the child in the course of his development must go through a depressive phase. Its essence lies in the integration of the image of a mother, initially split into an ideal and a bad mother.
If the mother is a “living” person, then she will inevitably make mistakes in contact with her child and admit them. The child, however, encountering the facts of the imperfection of his mother, experiences a phase of depression and disappointment. This allows him to meet a real, non-ideal mother - a good enough one (the term of another psychoanalyst, Donald Winicott).
It is quite another matter when mothers, by virtue of their personality traits turn out unable to get close emotional contact with your child. Such mothers demonstrate emotional detachment in the presence of a high functional involvement in the life of a child with no doubts about the correctness of their upbringing model. It is difficult for a child in this situation to accept such a mother and for the rest of his life he is in search of an ideal mother.
That's really it - The best way to tie a child to oneself is to deprive him of maternal love.
Those who did not receive a gift from their mother in the form of unconditional love, such children are hungry for it for the rest of their lives. Passionately in need of it, they themselves are unable to give love to others.
This stage is perhaps the most difficult. The person continues to "run into the fourth tunnel", knowing that there is no cheese there.
Stage 3 - wake up your adult part
At this stage, a person turns to his adult inner part and accepts it.
To do this, it is useful to ask yourself the following reflective questions:
How old am I really now? (We are talking about passport age)
What do I know about myself as an adult?
What kind of adult am I (adult man, adult woman)?
What do I feel as an adult?
What do I want as an adult?
What am I dreaming about?
What can I do as an adult?
In order to make it easier to answer these questions, you need to remember situations in which you felt strong, confident, an adult. Saying the answers and immersing yourself in this state returns and strengthens faith in own ability to cope with life's difficulties and forms the position of the "Inner Adult".
Stage 4 - Learn to take care of your "Inner Child"
The task of the person who wants to “grow up” his inner child - try to be for him at least sometimessuch a parent- Attentive, caring, sensitive, unconditionally loving and accepting.
How to do it?
You can go to the toy store and choose for yourself the toy that you liked, emotionally touched. You need to try to imagine that this toy is you yourself - a little one in need of care and love - your Inner Child.
In the future, getting into a situation of an insecure, restless, dependent state, it is necessary to take care, support, patronize your psychological “double” in every possible way. As a result of this kind of attentive and caring attitude on the part of the Inner Parent to his Inner child a person should have feeling of security, stability, confidenceand the possibility of internal dialogue as a condition for self-support.
If you have a child, then it is better to do this with him. Paradoxically, by taking care of your child, giving him what was so important to you, you will take care of your own. inner child by feeding it.
As a result of such exercises, among other things, a person develops empathy, such an important and indispensable mechanism for understanding the Other and the condition for intimacy with him. In this kind of relationship, a person has the appearance new feature, the function of "give", in my opinion, the leading function of the stage of maturity.
The result of the described work is the Meeting with reality. This is reality adult life. A life in which you do not wait for someone to give you something, but you take it yourself and give it to the Other. A life in which you do not live according to other people's scenarios, but are the author of your own life and can write your own life scenarios.
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I have great news for you: everything can be changed! Have you decided that you need a change? Are you tired of walking vicious circle and step on the same rake? Sign up for a Skype meeting Skype: Tatyana Oleinickova and learn how to find a solution to your problem, situation or problem. Together we will examine each situation in detail and deal with them. I wish you a significant improvement in all parameters of your wonderful life! Be happy
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Lettering tattoo
Lettering is one of the most popular tattoo themes. Why are they so fond of boys and girls? There are many reasons for this:
- The ability to express yourself
- Convey to others some of your thoughts or some information about yourself
- Together with the image to "perpetuate" someone or something
And often these inscriptions are dedicated to the family. A tattoo about a family or a tattoo about parents is lovely way tell the whole world: "I love, respect and appreciate my family." People may not approve of tattoos, but they will not be able to appreciate such a sign of attention in relation to their closest ones.
Tattoo inscriptions about the family
Sometimes we don't have enough words to express our feelings. Sometimes we don't have the time or the courage to do this. And although our loved ones know that we love them, it will never be superfluous to say it again. But in order to accomplish this, there are many various ways including tattoos.
And the popularity of such confessions is increasing year by year. Because for many, family and parents are a reliable stronghold, they are people who are ready to help and support even in the most difficult times. difficult moments life, these are those who deserve love more than anyone else.
Ideas for "family" tattoos
Do you also want to talk about your feelings, say thank you to your parents with the help of a tattoo? There are many options and ideas for this.
Images do not always manage to fully and accurately convey the full range of feelings and emotions we experience. And that's when words come to the rescue. On this page you can find a lot of tattoo ideas dedicated to parents. But this is only a small fraction of what can be applied. Your tattoo family may be:
- In the form of an inscription expressing the expression in your own words
- In the form of an aphorism the best way revealing feelings, attitudes, emotions
- A phrase in absolutely any language (English and Latin are the most popular now)
- Image along with caption
The inscription is convenient in that it can be applied anywhere. If you do not want your confession to be visible to everyone, then you can get a tattoo on the body in the place that is usually hidden by clothing. Or, on the contrary, open it to everyone, tell everyone what you are experiencing.
Family tattoos are a manifestation of your personal initiative. Create and fantasize! And this post will just help you, push you to some original idea.
