A very vulnerable child of 7 years. What to do if the child is touchy? The essence of childish resentment

A vulnerable child is very sensitive and often whiny child, which slowly adapts to the new environment. Such children like it when everything is extremely predictable and familiar and do not like it when they are interrupted when something goes wrong or contrary to their will. Otherwise vulnerable child instantly get upset and start crying.

In addition, vulnerable children are very shy and it is more difficult for them to join the team. They tend to be selfish and have difficulty sharing toys with other children. In some cases, vulnerable children show aggression, anger and throw tantrums. However, if such a child is allowed to do something on his own, then he will happily plunge into work, will reason, think about something.

If we compare vulnerable children with adults, then they can be equated to some extent with introverts. They seem to be quite smart and ambitious, but very closed from outside attention. They live in their own "plush" or "emerald" world, where everything happens according to their rules.

Causes of vulnerability in children.

1. The instinct to preserve dignity. If the child is too strong, then he is prone to over-vulnerability and over-bitch. Such children expect aggression, humiliation, insults against them in advance from others, even when this does not happen and are always ready to fight. This behavior causes conflicts with peers. Yes, and with adults, vulnerable children behave calmly as long as they “stroke their fur.” But even here one must be careful not to stroke against the wool, God forbid. Otherwise, the crying and isolation of the child are guaranteed.
2. child complexes. Based on the first point, various complexes of the child can be attributed to the main reasons: speech defects, obscene or inexpressive appearance, social and financial situation etc. The child is too dependent on his complex and also sees attempts at mockery from others everywhere. Often such children become outcasts and "goats of omission."
3. innate sensitivity. Some children are naturally emotionally sensitive and vulnerable, so they are often offended. Such children especially feel the need for affection for their parents, their love, acceptance by them with all the features.
4. Parents indulge the child in everything. When parents strive to fulfill all the wishes of the child and allow them to behave as they please, he gets the impression that the whole world owes him. The child begins to consider himself the main one. And when comments about his behavior are received, he will be offended and cry.
5. Child's expectations. Overspoiled a child gives rise to many stereotypes and expectations. For example, a child thinks: “Mom should buy me something tasty every time.” And when this does not happen, the child is offended and protests. Probably many of you have seen mothers in stores dragging a naughty roaring child with them who did not buy a toy.

What if you have a vulnerable child?

First of all, you need to be patient and make it clear to your child step by step what it is - true feeling dignity. Explain to the child that pride and pride are completely different concepts, as well as a joke and spitefulness, or fair criticism and ordinary criticism. Inspire your child that because of his touchiness and tearfulness, he can not only lose friends and never make new ones, but, on the contrary, make enemies for himself.

Your child must understand once and for all that people like him "carry water" evil people using their touchiness. Let him know that his excessive touchiness is a manifestation of stupidity that does not protect him, but rather kills all respect in him.

However, in no case do not try to compare your child with other children, compare him with himself (what he was yesterday and what he may be tomorrow).Have these “adult” conversations with your child so that he understands what his current behavior can lead to.

Vulnerable children need encouragement, hard work with a tutor to achieve the desired level of academic achievement. They need to get stronger physically and mentally in order to difficult situation they were able to stand up for themselves, endure pain and bullying, and not run away or cry. If you pay enough attention to a vulnerable child and constantly work on his problem, then soon both adults and children will change their attitude towards him. The child himself will calm down and become more good-natured and more tolerant of teasing himself, gain an understanding of a particular situation and will consciously make his decisions. This will stop the constant crying and whims. The child will no longer be considered vulnerable and will succeed both in school and in relationships with other people.

At the age of three to five, children sincerely believe that the world revolves around them. The natural reaction of the child to the discrepancy between reality and his expectations is resentment. Mom didn't buy new toy in the store, dad did not listen to the story about new friends on the playground, grandmother forbade eating ice cream on the street - any refusal or ban by adults during this period can be a reason for the baby to feel insulted. About the causes of children's insults and how to behave with touchy child, parents will be told by the portal “I am a parent”.

Children tend to resent parental refusals and prohibitions. The lack of attention, praise and approval of their actions from loved ones. For most adults, their grievances seem insignificant and far-fetched, but in fact this is not so - kids deeply experience conflicts with their parents, and the lack of proper support from moms and dads in such situations can lead to internal discomfort and development. psychological problems The child has.

Increased resentment in children of three years may be associated with age crisis, the peak of which falls on two and a half to three years, when the child develops a feeling dignity. During this period, the behavior of babies is distinguished heightened emotionality and prone to conflict. The child reacts with resentment, crying and screaming even at the slightest, most insignificant occasion.

Starting from the age of five, children's grievances are already more similar to those experiences experienced by adults. At this age, it is important for the child to recognize him in children's team, as well as positive attitude peers to him. Therefore, all grievances, discontent and misunderstandings should be dealt with by parents with their child.

How to deal with resentful children?

Touchy children are very vulnerable and often find a reason for frustration where there is none. The experts of the portal "I am a parent" give how to help a child cope with resentment.

1. Control your own emotions

To teach your baby to deal with emotions, parents should learn to control own feelings and emotions. If in a fit of anger or resentment you raise your voice, throw accusations and reproaches against the offender, then it is quite expected that the child will behave similarly in similar situations. recommended to get rid of this habit. To do this, learn to talk to others in a calm voice. When discussing a child's misconduct, make it a rule to replace accusatory phrases with neutral ones. For example, instead of the phrase “You don’t know how to behave at all,” you can say: “I was very upset when you did such and such ...”. Remember, young children often copy the behavior and actions of their parents, especially their aggressive behavior, so try to maintain authority in the eyes of your child and instill in him respect for elders.

2. Show attention to the child

If the child is often offended, be more attentive to him. Always ask what happened if you see that he is about to burst into tears, praise him for every good deed, listen to the child if he wants to talk about something. By acting in this way, you show the baby that you care about the feelings that he is experiencing.

3. Empathize with your child

If you refused to buy a new toy for your child, and he threw a tantrum in response, you should not say “Don’t cry”, “You’ll manage” or “Nothing terrible happened, you already have a lot of them!”. These phrases will not comfort the baby. In this situation, it is wiser to give him the opportunity to speak out or cry without interrupting him. Remember, parental support is extremely important for an offended child, because he wants to be understood, heard and shared in his grief. Therefore, show sympathy and understanding for your child. Say that you fully understand him, and that if you were him, you would also experience negative feelings.

4. Teach your child to manage negative emotions

When the initial surge of emotions subsides, explain to the child that resentment is a negative emotion and tell them how to deal with it correctly. For example, let him imagine what resentment might look like and draw it on paper. Help him leading questions: what color, shape, what does it look like? When the kid finishes the “portrait of resentment”, tear it apart and discard the drawing with him. Explain to him that he can perform the same actions every time he experiences negative emotions. teach him and mental visualization resentment so that the child can get rid of this feeling even when there is no paper and felt-tip pens at hand.

You will learn how to reduce the level of anxiety in a child of three to six years old and teach him to manage his emotions in a video lesson with the participation of an expert of the portal "I am a parent" psychologist Anastasia Sitnikova.

Victoria Gritsuk

Pass psychological test, developed by the experts of the portal "I am a parent", which will help determine whether you devote enough time to your child.

Vulnerable
There are children in whom the instinct to preserve dignity dominates. If he is too strong, then there is over-vulnerability and over-resentment. As a rule, such children expect in advance from others aggression, humiliation or insult towards themselves. Moreover, they see encroachments on their dignity where it does not exist at all. Because of this, the children themselves become aggressive, prickly, and at the slightest joke thrown at them, they immediately rush into battle.

Such behavior naturally violates the relationship of the child with peers, causing conflicts. And not only with peers, interaction is disrupted, relationships with adults are also overshadowed. Therefore, relations with such children often develop positively if they are always stroked “on the fur”. But even in this case, because of their distrust of everything in the world, and of affection, such children also reject the friendly hand that is extended to them. Therefore, they are secretive and closed, suspicious and suspicious. It is very difficult with them, because sometimes you don’t know how to behave and from which side to approach them.

What threatens super-vulnerable children? Failure and loneliness, because they are left alone with their sick sense of dignity and become embittered at the whole world. As a rule, such children become outcasts and jesters among their peers.

What if you have a vulnerable child? First of all, you need to be patient and boldly let him know step by step what a true sense of dignity is. Explain to your child that pride and pride are completely different concepts, just like a joke and spiteful criticism, or fair criticism and ordinary criticism. Inspire your child that because of his touchiness, he can lose many friends and never gain new ones, but, on the contrary, the number of his enemies will increase. In addition, the child must understand that evil people “carry water” on people like him, using their touchiness. Tactfully let your child know that his excessive touchiness is a kind of stupidity. In no case do not compare your child with other children, compare him with himself (what he was yesterday and what he may be tomorrow).

It should be noted that super-vulnerability may not arise from scratch, that is, this may be objective reasons. For example, complexes in a child may appear due to the fact that in childhood he was humiliated or offended, either by adults or peers. Such children need encouragement, hard work with a tutor in order to achieve the desired level of academic performance. They must get stronger physically and be able to fend for themselves. If you pay attention to the child and work on his problem, then soon both adults and children will change their attitude towards him, then the child will calm down and become more good-natured and more tolerant of teasing himself. Important attitudes in the upbringing of a vulnerable child are “the lion is indifferent to the laughter of hyenas”, “the dog barks, the caravan moves on”, “they carry water on the offended”, “the touchy will reap loneliness”.

An impressionable, vulnerable child can hardly endure failures in games, defeat in competitions - he cries and gets angry for a long time. Increased impressionability affects not only the assessment of other people, but also self-esteem. Such a child has a bad opinion of himself ... It is very important for parents to notice such behavior in time.

Sensitivity is not a vice. Psychologists say that the nervous system of increased sensitivity is not a negative property. People with strong nerves cope with some life tasks, and impressionable people with others.

It is this heightened sensitivity that attracts both children and adults to impressionable people all their lives. Such a person is like a sensitive antenna, capturing the slightest nuances of the mood of others. He knows how to sympathize, empathize, and from an early age is able to tune in to the emotional wave of the interlocutor, thereby causing his disposition.

Being a baby, he sleeps little, and when he cries, it is impossible to calm him down. Having grown older, the child painfully experiences his failures - angrily destroys the tower of cubes if it did not turn out the way he wanted, and bursts into sobs if the drawing failed.

Cause of tantrums - hypersensitivity nervous system which is transmitted to both the body and the soul. Tantrum-prone children are completely intolerant of pain, while they seem to be waiting for it. Every visit to the clinic is a living hell for parents (the very message about going to the doctor causes a violent reaction). And if we are talking about vaccination, then there is not enough space for everyone: parents, nurses, and other patients ...

Crying and screams are heard at any scratches. If there is a splinter in the finger, then the baby does not allow to touch the hand, and a broken knee is the cause of whims for a week, no less. Most often, his reaction is incommensurable with what happened. The baby brings himself to such a state that he does not hear anything around: neither your arguments, nor words of consolation.

And if he hears, he doesn’t understand (“Why does mom say that nothing terrible happened if it hurts me so much, and dad frowns with displeasure?”). Impressive children are usually very suspicious. If you ask such a child how he feels, he will surely answer that it is bad, he has a headache, and his stomach, and his throat (although he only had a slight cold).

My hypersensitivity baby is great at using different situations, for example, when he does not want to go to kindergarten or to an aunt whom he does not love. Meanwhile, psychologists say that these children really feel pain and their condition worsens in stressful situations.

One more distinguishing feature- extreme resentment. It is worth raising your voice to the baby, as tears instantly appear in his eyes. Whatever the circumstances, always remember this.

The little hypochondriac is also rather shy. It is useless to tell him that there is no need to be afraid, because his threshold of fear, like pain, is very low. It is better to accustom him gradually and intelligently to various circumstances.

You can unconsciously increase the child's suspiciousness. If you feel sorry for him too much, repeat how poor he is and how much he scratched the handle, then the baby will not even try to overcome his fear.

Take his heightened sensitivity for granted and, no matter what happens, keep Olympian calm. By doing so, you will help him cope with his own emotions.

A vulnerable child is sensitive not only to physical pain, but also to the opinions of parents or peers. A minor ban that another kid would simply not pay attention to can infuriate him (he falls to the floor, screams, stomps).

It is hard to endure the little one and failures in games, defeat in competitions - he cries and gets angry for a long time. Increased impressionability affects not only the assessment of other people, but also self-esteem. Such a child has a bad opinion of himself.

Having taken up something, he quickly loses patience and comes to the conclusion that he can’t do anything at all. However, he is in no hurry to work on himself, because he does not believe that he can overcome difficulties. For this reason, he quickly loses interest in everything.

It is very important for parents to notice such behavior in time.

If you do not pay attention to the crying, discontent and irritability of the child, in the future this will result in very serious problems.

Only parental support (but without long moralizing) can lead to the fact that the baby will perceive himself positively, and in the future he will believe that he can do a lot and try to overcome the weaknesses that hinder him.

He will learn to respect himself and others! And then it will be easier for him to tame his boundless impressionability. Help your little one take care of himself! True, it is not as easy as we would like.

For parents of very impressionable children, psychologists offer a number of recommendations:

You should not contact the baby when you yourself are excited. Otherwise, there is a great risk of conveying your anxiety to him. Even the baby perfectly feels your mood.

Do not react sharply to the crying and cries of the little one. Do not try to bring him to himself with shouts or persuasion: at such moments he still does not hear anything.

Don't lament too much over him if he breaks his knee. It is better to quickly cover the wound with brilliant green.

Don't underestimate your child's problems. Do not say: "Think about it, it's okay!". Do not assure me that everything will work out in kindergarten, but at school he will generally be the very first.

No matter what happens, stay calm in the presence of the crumbs. Take it in your arms, stroke it on the head, if he does not mind (but remember that some children in this state do not tolerate touching).

Behave with the baby with restraint, but at the same time affectionately, look him straight in the eyes. It makes sense to give your arguments about this or that situation only when the first wave of hysteria has passed.

Always praise if the little one was courageous and conquered his own weakness. Appreciate his efforts and support him in every possible way.

Hail his accomplishments in all fields. A child who believes in his own strength copes with emotions more easily.

The word "impressible" means - very receptive, easily and vividly giving in to impressions, sharply reacting. Children to whom this definition fits can be easily frightened, they take any events to heart, worry and experience more often than other peers. And, as a rule, many of their experiences are associated with a sense of fear. Children are afraid of attack, disease, darkness, fairy tale characters, animals, elements, fire or war, death, that is, that which directly or indirectly threatens life.

How to help an impressionable child feel comfortable in the world around him? Irina Polyakova will help us, family psychologist to answer questions from parents.

- If the child is impressionable, can he read fairy tales, where trees, huts speak, look, hear? After such horror stories, my daughter is afraid to stay at home ... (Irina Sedova)

Even if you do not read fairy tales where trees speak, children will invent them themselves. You probably shouldn't be afraid, you just need to think about the dose of such fairy tales. They should be present in the lives of children, but not so often. The child subsequently grows up and forgets that terrible stories were read to him. fairy tales. Just for that period, what was told in the book was very important for him. He survived it, he was able to handle it.

As for foreign fairy tales, they are often cruel ... Nevertheless, they are quite acceptable for reading. In these tales, for example, for a tribe of cannibals to eat a person - normal phenomenon. For us, Russians, it is a terrible murder that can make a terrible impression on a child. This suggests that we have different cultural traditions, respectively, the perception is not the same.

In general, any fairy tales have many functions that most parents do not know about. For example, fairy tales contribute to the development in the child of understanding inner peace people are a way to relieve anxiety and build self-confidence. Fairy tales - necessary element spiritual food for children. Plunging into the fairy-tale world, the child plunges into the depths of his soul, in which chaos is happening. Wandering in this dense forest, getting acquainted with the various characters of his psyche, the baby masters this space hidden from his consciousness. And when he returns from his journey back to real world, he feels more confident in his abilities, that he himself will be able to cope with the difficulties that life will arrange for him.

- My wife is an artist and she brings up her son (he is two years old) to match herself - a subtle and impressionable nature. As a man, this does not suit me. Tell me, if I take him to the bathhouse, hiking, will it temper his character? (Dmitry Panov)

Of course, for a boy, the example of a father is an important thing. If you take him on hikes, build a house, go to the bathhouse together, this is possible and will help. Just do not place high hopes on the fact that he will be the same as dad. It is too early to see a man in a two-year-old baby, as dad wants. Dad needs to wait a bit until his son grows up, and continue his good work later.

Indeed, for some parents, the son sometimes seems not courageous enough, and the daughter at times looks more like a kid ... There is no need to blame the child for this or, moreover, to scold him. The task of parents is to show children the world in all its variety of possibilities. If your daughter prefers to run around the yard surrounded by boys, teach her how to sew and cook. Only not in an orderly manner - there are ways based on trust and mutual understanding. And dad, if desired, can interest an infantile boy in technology, sports or fishing.

- The son went every summer to his grandmother in another city, but it so happened that the grandmother died. How to tell a child about it? (Kristina Slasheva)

The child needs to be told the truth. And most importantly, parents should not be afraid of the experiences of their son or daughter. We cannot protect children from experiences, incidents, and troubles throughout their lives. But we can teach them to experience all this by being near them.

The most common answer to this question is: “We will all die someday ...” But it seems to me that for a child this explanation is the most terrible. How to explain, so as not to frighten the little one? Mom can say, for example: "I'm not going to die, I'm young, and dad is young, we are healthy and will live for many, many years." And about the death of a grandmother, the answer would be appropriate, respectively, like this: “Grandma was old, she was sick, her heart could not stand it and stopped ...”

Children under 8-10 years old - and even more nervous and vulnerable - it is better not to see the deceased with their own eyes and not attend the funeral. This can be such an overwhelming experience that they can even be tormented later. obsessive fears. This does not mean that in the presence of children one should not mention dead relatives at all. Of course, it should, because, among other things, this also gives hope for “life after life”: if a person is remembered, it means that he has not completely left us.

- My child is 2.5 years old, he is very active, we can not always cope with him. The son is often uncontrollable, especially at bedtime. And you have to scare him with a monster, for example. I understand that it is bad to scare children, but still ... What is the way out for parents in this situation? (Alla Korobeynikova)

- On a normal calm child this monster is unlikely to affect. But I will say right away that intimidation will not solve the problem. If the hyperactive baby in question sleeps little, moves a lot, and does not give you rest, then you should contact the specialists.

However, the activity of the little one can be calmed down. You need to spend more time with him, do not leave him alone. The main thing is the correct handling. No need to seat the child: he can listen to a fairy tale on the go. No need to put him in a corner, for him this is a terrible punishment. Physical punishment is also useless. Swearing, screaming, slaps on the back of the head do not work on hyperactive children. On the contrary, they will behave even worse.

Boys should be given the opportunity to splash out their energy, but at the same time, teach them to meaningful motor activities: swimming, dancing, running, playing ball.

Switching attention is also important. And if you want to keep your son's attention, use simple rewards, like sweets. The reward should be symbolic, but it is needed. hyperactive child unable to foresee the consequences of his actions. And if good deeds are reinforced by rewards, the child learns at the conditioned reflex level correct models behavior. Moreover, he should feel that an adult, as it were, is playing with him in good behavior. Gradually, it is necessary to move from material rewards to verbal ones. Hyperactive children are poorly managed but sensitive. They are able to understand that they offended someone, to repent. Appealing to their natural kindness, using affection as an incentive, you need to accustom them to the behavior accepted in society.

- I have a shy and vulnerable child. My daughter plays only with me, she prefers to play alone on the court. Can cry for any reason. I myself was like that. I wanted the girl (she is 3.5 years old) not to be like that, but I don’t know what needs to be done for this. (Natalya Krylova)

The child has congenital features that are inherited. There is also a mother who herself is vulnerable and impressionable and broadcasts this alarming information to her daughter. It is hard to imagine that a girl will grow up with such a brave and determined mother. There is nothing wrong with that. For such children, there are special psychotherapeutic groups, where special conditions for communication are created, under which children in a safe environment under the supervision of psychologists, in contact with other children, play those situations in which they cannot find themselves in real life. This helps, children begin to communicate more easily. Try contacting psychological center with similar groups.

Now let's hear what the kids have to say. This is how they answered the question: “What scares you and what delights you?”

* I'm afraid of thunderstorms, it's very scary, it seems as if the light bulb will burn out and fall.

I admire the forest and love to go for walks there with my parents.

* I'm scared when someone has some kind of injury. Or someone got hurt because of something. I am very afraid of spiders, they have many legs and they can crawl towards you.

Some animals fascinate me. And also good marks, which I receive in some subject.

* I'm afraid of the dark, because it seems to me that there are werewolves and ghosts.

* I'm afraid of fires.

I admire figure skating, I do it, and I really like this sport.

*Height scares me. I'm afraid when the height is 6 meters and you have to jump into the water, it's scary.

Horses delight me, as well as the gifts that they give me.

So, what is the task of parents who raise an impressionable child? It is necessary to be with your child as close as possible, to share with him the impressions that surprised or frightened him, be sure to listen ... and not be afraid of anything!

Magazine "My Children"