No one needs someone who is not needed by himself. We have reached the level where we can provide ourselves with everything we want, and at the same time we understand that we do not need it. Let's say I have jeans torn in the latest fashion, I bought them like this, and I wear them too

The healthy cynicism of a practicing psychologist with 30 years of experience, Mikhail Labkovsky, leaves no one indifferent.
But it is worth admitting that there is a lot of truth behind the apparent harshness.

* We measure love by the level of suffering.
A healthy love- it's about how happy you are.

* People who do not love themselves cannot love each other,
therefore, they cannot have a happy couple either.

* Y healthy people the situation looks a little different.
First, they have a need to love.
With this need to love, they find a man who loves them.

* Healthy people always choose themselves, and neurotics always choose relationships to their detriment, and this is the main difference.

* Never need to communicate with married men... Fish are sold in a fish store, meat - in a butcher's shop. Don't waste your time.
A married man does not need a wife, he already has one at home.

* No one needs someone who is not needed by himself. And the one who accepts himself as he is, lives delicious, full life, despite all possible everyday problems.

* If the most best sex after the scandal, it will not be long - soon there will be only scandals.

* If you are uncomfortable with a man on the first, second, third date, do not appoint a fourth. In the first meeting, a man shows himself nai the best way, and if you are already unpleasant to be with him, nothing good will come of this relationship.

* People are not liked because they bend. The paradox is that men just adore bitchy women.

* As for the young, successful and beautiful women who cannot find a mate, because they have a high bar - this is the inability to relationships and the fear of them.

* If you want to get married, meet or even live together for six months or a year and nothing happens, you need to ask once if he wants a family and a wedding. If a man is not ready to start a family, then it's time to say goodbye to him. In an amicable way, of course.
Like "I treat you very warmly and will continue in the same spirit, but away from you."

* If a person replaces the whole world for another person, this means that he simply does not have his own world.

* Any - and I emphasize this - any woman who sits at home for years and deals only with household and children, degrades.
It's unavoidable. And in the end, a man becomes bored with his wife, he begins to consider her stupid, and then half a step until the divorce.
And note: initially the man did not insist on anything, it was the woman who happily and clapping her hands decided to stay at home.

* If he bothers you, just part with him.
Don't be afraid to be alone. No man in the whole world is worth breaking himself, sagging under him, neglecting his desires and needs. No one.

* It's simple: he is - the way he is. And you are as you are. You either feel good together, or you need to separate.
And it's better before you took out a mortgage and had three children.

* Someone who is mentally healthy is guided by his feelings and always chooses himself. Neither beauty nor love requires sacrifice.
And if they do, it’s definitely not your story. Bring it down.
There is no purpose for which it is worth enduring something in a relationship.

* You can't stand on tiptoes all your life, and disappointment is always more painful than initially showing yourself real.

“We need to learn to be ourselves best friends, it's so easy to fall into the trap of becoming your own worst enemy. We like the idea that others love us, but we ourselves forget to love ourselves. " We share 16 inspiring tips from a popular blogger Mark Chernoff who set themselves up to accept themselves.

“Today, some of those whom I love have ceased to respect me. But I don't want to commit suicide anymore. I finally managed to follow your advice, and now everyone has learned the truth about who I really am and what I intend to do with my life. In short, my decision is to love and respect myself instead of proving to others that I need to be loved and respected. "

These are lines from a morning chat with a person who has been reading me for a long time. This man asked not to be identified, but allowed me to quote his own words, which I am very happy about.

After all, the most difficult thing in the world is to learn to accept yourself, understand and love with all your imperfections. Honestly admit who we are, how we feel, and what we need. Do not reproach ourselves for not being different and respect ourselves for who we are. Understand that not everyone we love will be with us along the way, and take it calmly.

So it's time ...

Start telling yourself what you like about yourself
It is important for yourself to know how wonderful you are. You need to look in the mirror and treat yourself kindly. After all, what you see in the mirror is often what you see in the world. Frustration with others reflects frustration with yourself. Acceptance of others reflects acceptance of oneself. The ability to see potential in people reflects the ability to see it in oneself. A patient attitude towards others reflects a patient attitude towards oneself. The principle is clear: first of all, you need to show love for yourself.

Get into yourself today and be yourself
It is sometimes very difficult, but worth it. Not chasing perfection, but trying to become truly yourself. The most beautiful thing about this is simply to return to a blissful state of being. When the mind retrains to perceive life as it is, and not as it "should" be, an inner peace comes.

Worry less about someone else's approval
Remind yourself that you don't have to do what others do. You also don't have to ask permission to do things your own way. Every minute of your life on this planet is precious. There is even a saying: "What I do today is important, because I am trading a whole day of my life for it." Don't expect permission from others to live.

Distance yourself from those with whom you feel bad
Better to be alone than with the wrong people. Don't think about those who don't think about you. Respect yourself! When you open up to someone who doesn't respect you, you lose yourself. True friends motivate us, inspire and respect us. Your social circle should be composed of those who support you. Do not let anyone into it. Quality is always more important than quantity.

Forgive yourself of the past
When you bring yours into the light dark sides and forgive yourself for them, you fight your demons, causing the angels to rejoice. It's all about accepting: sometimes good people people like you are not doing the best. This does not mean that you bad person, - it just means that you are human. The past is over, leave it alone. Forgive yourself for what you did or didn’t do, and think better of what you’ll do next.

Start to change what is time to change
Just because something has brought you joy in the past does not mean that you have to be faithful to it forever. If you want a change in your life, do what you haven't done before. New actions = new result... It's time to give up what no longer fulfills you, and let thoughts and activities into your life that will give you energy and help you realize.

Accept your future mistakes
For successful person mistakes are inevitable. Do not give in to fear: it is better to make the wrong decision than not make any.

Give thanks for who you are and what you have
No, you won't always get everything you want. And no, you won't always be what you want. But remember this: a lot of people will never have what you have. So let the pain, grief and discomfort from the lack of what you want not anger you, but motivate you to take action. You decide how you look at life.

Do something that makes you happy every day
There is a huge difference between empty weariness and joyful exhaustion. Life is too short. Invest in what you really like. A good life- this is when you do something you love every day and thus take care of yourself. It is important to realize that taking care of yourself is not selfishness. We cannot give to others what we do not have. We must learn to give love and care to ourselves, then there will be something to give to others.

Allow yourself to experiment
Don't be afraid to start, even if you don't know how it will end. When we act, stepping into the unknown, new opportunities come.

Listen to intuition and do not deceive yourself in anything
It is impossible to talk about a life that you do not live. Sweet fairy tales are not needed, truth is needed. Listen inner voice... Confidence comes from the understanding that you are doing the right thing, and it’s right for yourself.

Believe in your capabilities
Everything is possible! The main thing is to decide what you want, to understand that this desire is a part of you, and to believe that you deserve to get what you want.

Be attentive to the present
A great gift to yourself (and loved ones) is to be here and now, as much as possible. Life is not the time between birth and death, it happens every moment, inhale-exhale. Every now and then something distracts us, we need to remember more often what is happening here and now. Otherwise, we lose a lot.

Relax and take life less seriously
The roots of suffering are in self-pity, and the roots of self-pity are too much serious attitude to life. If you take everything seriously, especially yourself, eventually you will become afraid to do anything at all. Relax, laugh at the situation if possible, especially when things don't go as planned. People with good feeling humor understand life better. When you first really laughed at yourself and your situation, you grew up.

Try to show love and kindness to others
Usually, the way we treat ourselves is the way we treat others. Those who love themselves are usually caring, generous and good-natured with others; they are confident in themselves, so they are humble, sociable and forgiving others. Therefore, try to understand others first, and only then judge. Thank fate for rude, difficult people to communicate - they teach us what not to be.

Let's summarize:

People will come and go. Will happen different events, fly by days and nights. But true love to itself will always remain with you if you feed it.

So take into account what is written above, and today:

Do something that will make you love yourself more.

Think about what to do to love yourself more.

Connect with people who can help you love yourself more.

And repeat it tomorrow.

Translated by Marina Nestrugina, IntuEat © Center for Intuitive Nutrition

"White bed, like uninhabited island in the ocean of a large and deserted room, where it is so lonely "- with these words begins the autobiographical novel" 100 days between life and death " Lilies koh... Life itself pushed her to write a book of confession; after moving to Germany, a young woman was diagnosed with an oncological disease. At the age of 30, she was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. From that moment on, Lilia's life changed once and for all.

Now, 15 years later, Lilia Koch, who has overcome the disease, is a writer, certified psychologist and NLP - master, the author of the unique psychological game "Phoenix Rebirth", which helps people all over the world to cope with serious illnesses and crisis situations... Lilia travels a lot around the world, consults people, conducts a game, shares her experience in social networks and at meetings. Her soul and heart are open to give people kindness, understanding, love and new light.

On May 24, Lilia Kokh visited Kazan for the first time at the invitation of the RKOD of the Ministry of Health of the Republic of Tatarstan, the rehabilitation clinic "Vesna". The program of the visit was eventful: meeting with the Minister of Health of the Republic of Tatarstan Adel Vafin, communication with journalists and, most importantly, communication with people who are now going through difficult times, fighting cancer. A commemorative meeting took place in Korston, attended by over 100 people.

Seeing in front of you a young, beautiful, slender woman, many who came doubted whether the terrible thing that they are experiencing now really happened to her? But Lilia's first words instantly lifted the barriers between her and the audience.

“When I found out about my diagnosis, which my German doctor told me in a rather casual and businesslike manner, my first thought was:“ Somehow all this is unreal, not about me. ” I didn’t cry, I didn’t cry. But I firmly decided that I need to quickly undergo treatment and live my life on. After all, I have so many plans. I wanted to live! So I started writing my diary, writing down the history of my illness, operation, treatment, recovery, my fears, worries, experiences, moments of joy.

I published my notes in a live journal on the Internet. Then I did not think that it would be important to someone. But people began to write to me with a request, questions, what happened next. It is in such situations that it is important to be honest with yourself, extremely honest, without looking back. Only honesty gives freedom from fear, engenders faith in oneself, in one's own healing, removes illusions, hardens and gives strength in this difficult moment. "

- Tell me, Lilya, were you not afraid to talk about your diagnosis to your family and friends? We in Russia do not like to talk about it. Because society starts in best case To feel sorry for you, at worst - to make sad predictions?

“People also reacted differently to the news of my illness. Someone talked to me as usual, someone seemed to say goodbye to me. With the latter, I tried to communicate less. Such people transmit their personal fears to you. I underwent surgery and was treated in Germany, here it is not customary to consider a person sick after the treatment. This attitude makes you mobilize your moral and physical strength, stop feeling sorry for yourself and, finally, take responsibility for your life, actions and thoughts. I know that many people in such difficult moment in life, they still experience the betrayal of loved ones. This also affected me. But you know, it's like cleansing.

- When a person is diagnosed with oncology, it concerns the whole family. What would you advise the family and friends of a sick person in such a situation?

- First of all, support your loved one, in a word, by deed. But! Do not regret or indulge all his whims and weaknesses. Otherwise, for many years you will make your life unbearable and will not help your loved one get out of the disease.

When remission comes, it is imperative to live a full life. Be sure to communicate, not hide, start doing something new: paint, dance, compose, knit, sing.

You see, no one needs someone who is not needed by himself.

- How was your Phoenix Rebirth game born? Does she really help people change their reality?

- The game was born thanks to my illness. It was my serious diagnosis that made me reconsider my thoughts and actions. After the operation, the course of chemotherapy, I reassembled myself, I learned to think, speak and live differently. I realized that all the answers to my questions live inside me. Therefore, as a mythical bird Phoenix, I was reborn as a different person.

I have not become stronger physically, but I have become strong in my soul, in my heart, in my mind. My psychological education helped me come up with this game, which reveals the capabilities of our subconscious. Sometimes it is “combustion” that makes it possible to get out of the inert environment of our settled life, get out of the rut and be reborn again, consciously.

In the game, we explore the most important spheres of life for a person: attitude towards oneself, relationships with loved ones, career and spirituality. And the participant, as in a mirror, sees the full picture of his life: his strengths, true desires and needs, obstacles, strategies that do not work. In addition, the main feature of the game is that it is always played with a specific request in mind. And there will be no winners or losers in it. Everyone will receive an answer to their question.

What questions can you explore in the game? They can relate to any area of ​​the participant's life. The most popular ones are to meet love, start a family, get rid of insecurity, find their own business, increase income, find harmony.

I often hear the following question: "So what, I leave the cube, and my life will change, and dreams will come true?" Yes, that's exactly what it will be! But in order to get closer to the realization of their dreams and remove obstacles on the way to it, the participants will not only have to get to know themselves better, but they will have to conduct an internal audit, accept personal transformation, and acquire an internal readiness for change. It makes sense to play Phoenix Rebirth for the sake of change.

V Everyday life we would rather change circumstances rather than ourselves. But the greater the distance between the reality around us and what we want, the more more change must happen in us on the way to the goal. Otherwise, the goal will constantly and inexplicably elude us. And the game just gives us this valuable opportunity - to understand in which direction to move, what to change in own reality what to give yourself to your beloved at all levels of personality, in order to finally let change into your life.

- Lilia, what can you say about your life now? How do you live now?

- Probably, it will be unusual to hear from an adult, but I live as in childhood. No more hiding your feelings and emotions. This gives me the strength to meet new people, help them, gain new knowledge, travel, be creative, overcome difficulties.

I travel a lot around the world, I advise, I play my game, I answer all the letters that people write to me. I am glad that I can help someone ...

- Tell me, where to start, so that changes begin, so that the disease recedes, to believe in your strength?

- From self-love. WITH Great love to yourself, as a person, as a person. Don't expect someone to come and save you and fix your life. Start living in the here and now. Do not store nice clothes and dishes for tomorrow, use it today. Don't put off your hobby until tomorrow. Stop scolding, blaming, and comparing yourself. We are real people and it's okay to make mistakes.

Love lives in each of us, but because of fears of being misunderstood or rejected, we are afraid to release it. Be sure to be kind to yourself and your loved ones.

There comes a moment in everyone's life when you need to understand that the past no longer exists. You are and you are now.

Interviewed by Albina Garifullina

The path of awareness is a slow path, but it goes on increasing all the time.

“This is already clear to everyone!” Our world was gaining selfish momentum, believing that with the help of the ego it could achieve anything.

But in the end we came to the understanding that it is impossible to continue living like this - we can no longer exist in our egoism.

But while everyone understands this, no one can do anything.

Progress is inexorably making its way through the program of creation. And we are passive observers of it, because Nature leads us to the realization that we can no longer exist in our past paradigm.

Question: We are accustomed to the fact that for the transformation of society we must have some kind of plan ...

Answer: No plan! Only natural development! How did humanity develop initially? - By the same principle!

We cannot plan like Baron Munchausen: tomorrow at nine in the morning is a feat, because this is a natural, true development.

The main thing is to connect a second, altruistic force and let Nature calmly develop an integral community - nothing else is needed.

It will build itself up. Only in this way will we make society correct, only in this way nature acts.

It evokes some kind of impulse in us, and we will realize it further, climbing like a sperm cell that finds a way and gives birth to a new life.

This is how an additional system - a new community - will begin to be organized within the old society.

This system is built in a natural way.

There are no obligations and dictates in it.

We do not indicate anything to anyone, but only teach people how to properly interact with each other - on the principles of bestowal and love. Nothing more.

Selfishness constantly rages in you, and in spite of it, with the help of the surrounding society, examples, approval from your comrades, you try to prove yourself as loving and giving to the environment. "

("Conversations on the New Integral Society".

)

*******

“The world has come to the extreme point of its egoistic development, has crossed this point and is gradually starting to slide down.

Such a movement is inevitable, it does not depend on us, because we are triggered by the internal program of creation, and every day humanity will more and more feel the world crumbling, like a house of cards.

Our selfishness is the cause of all our problems and suffering.

At the same time, the problem lies not in inanimate, plant and animal nature, but only in a person - in his constant movement towards himself, in an effort to improve his personal state at the expense of others and even to the detriment of others.

This is the opening of the reason for our fall, which is inevitable, but it can be controlled and controlled by us if we rise above our nature and look at it from the outside.

It is in order to realize this that reason is given to us. It is not only possible for us, but it is also necessary for us to change our nature with the help of the power that will manifest itself in our unity. "

Return to nature

Everyone around is talking about social development.

Development means more benefits, and a person becomes indifferent to them.

Young people do not want to work, do not want to study, do not want to leave their parents. Adults become infantile, feel like children, they feel good with mom and dad.

And parents agree with this: "Let my son or daughter live with us." And the son or daughter is already 30-35 years old, but it is much easier, cheaper, more convenient and financially more profitable for them to live with their parents.

In addition, this is encouraged by the states themselves, which provide a person with a small allowance so that he can sit quietly at home, because there is still no work, enterprises are closed, and these people become superfluous.

Today robots can provide anything.

Nobody wants billions of workers, billions of farmers. No one is interested in the poetry of haymaking. Everything is grown industrially in greenhouses.

One of my students, the mayor of a southern Italian city, says that there are so many plantations in their area that they could fill the whole of Europe with vegetables and fruits. The same is true in Israel, where greenhouses stretch for many kilometers in the desert.

Their owners offer: "Give us unlimited sales markets, and we will fill them with any agricultural products. We can provide the whole world. If you want, we will feed China."

We are in a state where no one is needed by anyone.

Man does not need himself.

He has a very narrow area of ​​interest, the main thing is comfort and a couple of comrades with whom he leaves the house, sits in a cafe and while away the time.

The field of human activity is shrinking. Ambition ceases to be the driving force. A person who has achieved some kind of success quickly curtails his activities.

It seems that a career is open to him, but he does not want to make efforts, he does not want to bear any responsibility. That is, egoism - the force that guides us, our base, our substrate, becomes completely different.

But we can trace it, we can understand where this is all leading. In general, I do not think that this is a bad thing.

Question: So you don't consider passivity a dangerous sign?

Answer: Why should mankind develop materially further ?! What can this give you ?!

40 more dresses? But you don’t need them, you simply don’t have time to vilify them.

We have reached the level where we can provide ourselves with everything we want, and at the same time we understand that we do not need it. Let's say I have jeans torn in the latest fashion, I bought them like this, I wear them and that's enough for me.

Nowadays they specially produce shabby, chewed up jackets and not ironed, stale-looking shirts, because everything goes to simplicity, to a deviation from the material. The next stage of development should be a return to nature.

We should be simpler, create around ourselves not an artificial environment, but an environment similar to nature, which is in homeostasis with it, in equilibrium. This is our goal, the striving of those forces that are active in us.

We feel it especially keenly now:

“I don’t want to work, I don’t want to do anything,” that is, these forces speak in me. So, I need to study them thoroughly, find out what these forces are, who and what is leading me.

From the TV program "Integral World", 24.10.2012

http://www.laitman.ru/crisis/123810.html

One young man came to his spiritual mentor and said:

- Teacher, you advised me to mentally repeat the phrase: "I accept joy in my life." I pronounce it many times every day, but there was no joy in my life, and there is no; I'm as lonely as I was ... What can I do?

The sage silently put in front of the young man the first objects that came to his hand - a spoon, a mug, a candle - and asked:

- Name what you choose from them.

“A spoon,” the youth replied.

- Say it five times ... - asked the old man.

“I'm choosing a spoon,” the young man said five times.

- You see, - said the teacher, - if you repeat at least a million times a day that you choose a spoon, it will not be yours. You have to reach out and take it.

We need to make a move ...

***********

Spirituality and climate on the Planet - what is the connection? Straight!

The sad consequences of the consumer attitude towards nature: the Gulf Stream no longer exists!

Hello! I have a very strange feeling that I am empty inside. If something needs to be done, I do it without even thinking about the consequences. I don’t think about anything, they said I’m doing, the strangest thing is that I began to sleep well, I practically don’t get tired, I just don’t care about everyone and everything, and most importantly, I don’t need myself, absolutely, it feels like I’m I do not live but I exist. I do not control what is allowed and what is not at all, I do what I want. Not even what I want, but just doing everything. 2 months ago, I broke up with a guy with whom I was 3 years old, began to meet with another, he pissed me off terribly. I met another one, slept with him anywhere and in any way, it was with him that it all started, as if no one needed me, do with me what you want, I even became obsessed with sex, and now I am turned back from everything this, I am not needed at all became empty. And now I began to communicate again with 1 with whom I was 3 years old, and I feel so bad, I was absorbed even more into the feeling of emptiness. I study at the acting department, it's terrible, everything is terrible, I used to be on my nerves crying all the time, but right now I just don't care, I leave silently or I just turn on the music and seem to withdraw into myself. I don't know what to do, help !!!

Hello Leah.
You clearly describe the so-called. astheno-neurotic syndrome. This is attrition nervous system, in which weakness and fatigue are combined with increased irritability, forgetfulness, etc. It is a psychogenic disorder, not a neurological one.
Astheno-neurotic syndrome in practice can go hand in hand with real (somatic) disorders, and it goes without saying that this must be distinguished, since treatment should be directed primarily at the underlying disease.
Therefore, do not waste time, and try to visit an in-person clinical consultation with a specialized specialist - a psychotherapist as soon as possible.