Psychology and pedagogy

The child got out of hand. What to do?

What to do if a child, instead of a calm dinner, arranged a “potato massacre”, and after an hour he pours water on your fur coat, tears beads and eats lipstick? He seems to be doing it on purpose, but is he?

You can't change the situation - change the attitude towards it

Most often, the situations described occur before the age of 4 years and indicate only natural development child. This is the stage of recognition, the study of surrounding objects and the search for a causal relationship. What happens if you feed a cat candy? Will a painted baby elephant look beautiful on the wallpaper?

Even realizing that for a beloved child, such actions at this age are the norm, we still get angry and worry. How not to destroy the talent of a naturalist in a baby and protect the house from the “invasion of a young barbarian”? The answer is simple - join us!

Allocate for the child his personal zone in which he can create. It can be a piece of wallpaper (or a sheet of drawing paper attached to them, a special slate board), a covered floor, cardboard box. Arm yourself with paints or crayons and enjoy the flight of fantasy together!

If a child finds a “way out” for his curiosity and imagination, then he will not need to use for this improvised “materials” in the form of a cat or mother’s jewelry. To notice the interests of the baby, to find the use of his energy - this is the task of the parents. This approach can not only save property and nerves, but also improve trusting relationship with child.

To know is not to understand

Yes, we often tell our children that other actions cannot be performed. Due to countless repetitions of prohibitions, we are sure that the child knows"what is good and what is bad". But there is an error in such reasoning. It is one thing to hear a ban, and quite another to understand the reason.

For example, a child may know what a cactus is. He saw it, is able to distinguish it from other plants, and in theory knows that the cactus is able to "make a bo-bo." However, until the baby realizes what an injection is, he is not able to correlate the likelihood of getting pain with this green needle plant. It is absolutely not necessary for him to know the thorns empirically, it is enough to imagine what a prick is, and that it is these bewitching needles that can cause pain. Similarly, when forbidding a child to do any action, it is necessary to explain the meaning of this prohibition.

The situation is more difficult with “moral” prohibitions. It is difficult for a child to understand why his actions can bring mental suffering. The way out in this situation is your own example. Then the baby will not have unfounded prohibitions, but a living example of the right deeds.

Yulia Borisovna Gippenreiter is deservedly one of the most popular child psychologists, the author of best-selling books on education. “Communicate with the child. How?" has been for decades table book for parents seeking mutual understanding and harmony in relations with their children. illustrative examples from the practice of Yulia Borisovna, analysis of typical conflict situations And professional advice will allow you to hear your child and be heard by him.

Greedy

There are situations in which the ban does not apply, and it is impossible to join the child. For example, when a brother fights with his sister because she takes his toys. And explanations that “you can’t fight” don’t help, and you can’t join the fight either. It remains to change the situation - to influence not the son, but the daughter.

Often we scold children for not wanting to share, fearing that in the future they will become greedy. But remember yourself - are you just as willing to share everything with others as you demand from a child? Do you offer to wear all the clothes to your friends, and boldly lay out jewelry and gadgets in front of your colleagues?! Also accept the child's desire not to share all his "property" with others, apparently it is too expensive for him. Explain to your daughter that she has her own toys and do not let her brother touch things while he is not at home. Then the son will understand that the parents are ready to help sort out the situation without infringing on his rights. And - most importantly - he will sincerely share toys with his sister on his own, because he believes in parental justice.

Alternative approach

There are situations when the baby stubbornly refuses to comply with your request. This behavior literally screams about the desire for attention. The only way to fix it is to "reset" the relationship and active listening. However, your baby is arguing right now, crying, behaving badly and as if following your reaction. For immediate action, you should turn to one of the strategies.

First- your suspension from action. Does the child prefer instead of eating soup, just bathing a spoon in a bowl? At the same time, he is deliberately playing for time, because he knows that you will forgive half-eaten soup? Exit the room. Eliminate yourself. And watch the reaction.

Second is the illusion of choice. Offer to choose an option on your own terms. Choose what to eat: mashed potatoes with fish or vegetables with fish (fish is important); what to do: put the toys away now or after an afternoon snack (self-cleaning is important); dress: dress yourself or with help, etc.

simple truths

All these situations somehow led us to two conclusions. The first teaches us to pay attention to ourselves. The child takes an example from parents, copies actions. If you don't like something, talk to yourself first. The second conclusion teaches to pay attention to children. Many problems could be avoided if the baby received enough attention. Let's try to be sensitive, merciful and attentive to our family - and then we can enjoy a happy and harmonious relationship!

Oleg's question

Hello Anna. My name is Oleg, 45 years old. I have a strong family, wife and two children. I am a military man in the past, now I have my own small business. He achieved everything in his life. He always provided for his family, his wife never worked, she took care of the children and the house. Our house is a full bowl, cleanliness, comfort.

And the problem is this: my eldest son, he is 19, completely insolent. He does not want to study, in the institute in which I arranged him, there are only debts. He doesn’t go to the rocking chair, he doesn’t go in for sports, he doesn’t even clean the bed at home. At the same time, he hangs out at expensive clubs, buys expensive clothes. I give him money. I don’t feel sorry for him, but I sometimes ask myself, am I indulging his irresponsibility and laziness? Now I'm thinking about giving him to the army. I'll tell you, let them expel you from the institute for debts. Maybe even in the army he will be raised. Any advice on how to influence it?

Answer

Hello Oleg. I understood from your letter: you are very worried about your son, you want him to grow up to be a strong, educated and responsible man. you (hyper) caring husband and father.

Demanding obedience from a child and raising independence are two different things.

You are an independent person, you have achieved everything in life yourself, without coercion by your parents. And your son has a situation of prosperity in life. And while there is no motivation to achieve something on your own, the child's independence is blocked and manifests itself only in moments of resistance to your will.

It seems to you that you demand independence from him, but in reality it seems that only obedience: study well at the institute (in which you arranged him), go in for sports (visiting a rocking chair that you have chosen and pay for). And if he does not live “correctly”, let the army achieve obedience.

The development of independence is the transfer of the right of choice and responsibility.

History: One boy, at the request of his parents, studied at a special school for especially gifted children. There were very high requirements: from the 1st grade, every day to practice for 3-4 hours on a musical instrument, without days off and holidays. As I got older, the number of hours of study increased.

For the first 2 years, his parents managed to force him to study, then the boy began to resist, deceive and evade. When the boy turned 10, his parents realized that if they did not stop forcing the boy, he would hate classes and their relationship would completely deteriorate.

And the parents stopped, before that they explained that they were relieving themselves of responsibility for the boy's studies, and if he was expelled from the special school, so be it. For three years the boy was on the verge of expulsion, and then he began to study on his own (he became a laureate of competitions several times).

The conclusion is, if you want independence and responsibility from your son, give them to him, support the very standing of your son. Your child is a separate being, he has his own path, which he has to find.

You will continue to demand obedience, you risk breaking, growing a weak-willed personality. After letting him go, get ready: he will most likely come off after the “yoke of the ancestors”, and become “even worse”. He needs to live depressed teenage years rebellion that requires parental restraint.

31.08.2011, 14:24

31.08.2011, 14:28

What to do?
Don’t be led to extortion, don’t buy too much (what you don’t consider necessary). But at the same time, we need to think about how to increase freedom. And increase it where you consider the least dangerous. For example, to give some pocket money for all this nonsense. And don’t give any more. (That is, they gave 30 rubles for a week, let her do what she wants, but you don’t buy her anymore). Allow to walk alone in the country to some extent (if possible). A child grows up, fights for freedom.

31.08.2011, 14:30

We have something similar, only a belt - it doesn’t help ... And we still don’t have 4 years: 010: I hope that this is either another crisis period, or weather, such as magnetic storms ...

31.08.2011, 14:34

Painfully early fought off.
Look at the situation differently. It's only 6 years old. It hasn't gotten out of hand yet. God bless.
I remember that at about 6 or even 7-8 years old I also noticed that my son was pushing us around painfully, everything was necessary, as he wanted.
But the child is only six years old. At this age (and not only at this age, but up to 14 years old for sure) they want to be given some kind of framework. At the age of six, the mind already has enough of these frameworks, to check the boundaries. If the boundaries are pushed through, then a six-year-old child, I can tell you for sure, unconsciously panics: "Aaaaah, they don't notice me!" How is it that they don't notice? Is it like I don't exist? Does that mean they don't like me? What a horror.
In general, the main thing for children is to be paid attention to, to be loved, to be in contact. At six years old, it is enough to keep a clear framework.
"Out of hand" - this is usually written about teenagers, they say. There is even more need for contact with parents. A six-year-old is still a sweetheart, you can twist ropes out of it. :)) However, the crisis of 6-7 years - normal phenomenon The transition from continuous play to conscious activity, to study and to communication with peers.
IMHO.

31.08.2011, 14:35

I don't believe it, sorry...

31.08.2011, 14:37

Screaming is not an option. meaning?

31.08.2011, 14:50

Go from the opposite. If you want to go for a walk alone - well, go, but first, since you are so independent, then be kind - go to the store, buy this and that, bring it home, cook dinner. Get it right - go for a walk. Well, in the same vein. Instill in her the idea that a person is independent - independent in all everyday situations, and not just when you want.

31.08.2011, 14:53

If the child is out of hand, what to do? My daughter is 6 years old, for some time now she has become more active in arguing with me what to wear where and how to go. There is no strength to argue, he does not understand and does not hear explanations, he wants to do everything in his own way. For example, she actively wants to go to visit her girlfriend, the girl just arrived from the dacha, and she asked for it. I am uncomfortable in front of people, I try to explain that it is not necessary to impose, I do not understand and stubbornly stand my ground. I met not long ago a 7-year-old girl who walks alone, so she is afraid to learn bad things from this girl. (already declares that she wants to walk alone, since that child says that she is independent). He wants to eat ice cream when it’s impossible, makes him buy chewing gum (after all, that girl eats and still treats her) and all sorts of rubbish (sticks “with a knife to her throat”), extorts money, again doesn’t hear explanations, I don’t want to scream all the time (and this too Pomoymu doesn’t help anymore), only intimidating with a belt sometimes helps. Grandmother is actively driven by this. Here's what to do?

Lethargy

31.08.2011, 14:55

If the explanations do not help, but you are categorically against some of the child's demands, you can offer some other replacement, from what the child loves. We sometimes roll.

Marusina

31.08.2011, 14:58

on the one hand, rejoice. the child is growing. it would be worse if she did not want anything and did as you tell her.

And to the question of what to do ... he wants to go in shorts at +2 - please. He will go out, freeze for 5 minutes and change clothes.
to visit - sorry, today is a firm "no", with explanations, as short as possible. disturbing other people who are tired is not right. Give us a call and we'll set up a time that's convenient for them. or invite us.

He wants to walk alone - "no. It's dangerous in the city, I love you very much and I'm afraid that something will happen to you. I'm very worried"
in the country - where it is objectively possible - please

Screaming is not an option. meaning?

And my mother constantly wants me to obey her "do this and that" ... moreover, she is a well-known provocateur - she will figure out how to achieve her goal (the simplest one is "it's already hard for me ..." while on cultural events it’s easy for her to run away through the weekend).
I'm freaking out terribly and "driving". My husband laughs that I am too emotionally dependent on her. And maman took on her husband, he freaks out even harder "for this, you need to immediately in the face!" yelling ... Thank God, the assault has not yet reached, only words. We live together, it’s already scary (about any conversations to disperse - my daughter is in tears. If a grandmother and dad quarrel - even if dad defends her - “dad is to blame”, but he protects me) ... In general, darkness :(
And we also have terribly sick, sometimes terribly undeveloped children - I had fun with my granddaughter all July, that the child already began to stutter from an overabundance of impressions (grandmother left for Saratov - 2 weeks stupidly walked only on the site - everything became OK)
My mother herself is terribly inconsistent in her decisions and herself does not want to do what she forces most often to do.
With all this mess, I can be mega-satisfied - "I have everything under control!"

In general, DON'T FOLLOW MY MUM.
With all this horror - she is sociable and cheerful person, at work is very calm and sustained

31.08.2011, 15:39

did it just suddenly change? and before there was a squirrel squirrel ???
I don't believe it, sorry...

No, it wasn’t white and fluffy, it just got aggravated like that.

Like this? She demands - Are you buying? If so, change your behavior.
He doesn’t hear explanations, doesn’t understand - then a firm NO and that’s it.
The problem is that we live with my parents. Very often she stays with her grandmother (in the summer when the kindergarten is closed and when she is sick), so she bends her as she wants, the grandmother then calls me and tells me to explain the weight to my daughter. Here's an example, she says buy me gum, I say it's not harmful, but she buys me gum a hundred times, and I say no a hundred times (hard hard :)) and even if you crack, until I swear at her and I won't say that I will punish now does not calm down, but can calm down for 10 minutes and start all over again. My grandmother can’t stand it and gives up, if I say something to my grandmother that it’s impossible to indulge, she says I’m sick, I can’t cope with her, then sit on my own. By the way, there is no dacha to walk alone, but on vacation in boarding houses and hotels, in principle, she herself runs a lot.

31.08.2011, 16:03

My grandmother can’t stand it and gives up, if I say something to my grandmother that it’s impossible to indulge, she says I’m sick, I can’t cope with her, then sit on my own. By the way, there is no dacha to walk alone, but on vacation in boarding houses and hotels, in principle, she herself runs a lot.
Judging by your description, the problem is not in the daughter, but in the grandmother. It is necessary either to limit communication with the grandmother (since she is sick and it is hard for her), or somehow influence the grandmother. I would choose the 1st option.

Gleb Yegorych

31.08.2011, 16:05

and I a hundred times the word no

31.08.2011, 16:42

Judging by your description, the problem is not in the daughter, but in the grandmother. It is necessary either to limit communication with the grandmother (since she is sick and it is hard for her), or somehow influence the grandmother. I would choose the 1st option.

Judging by the description of the problem, not only the grandmother, but also the mother. Why say no a hundred times? Do you respect yourself at all? Twice is enough. Then threaten that if he doesn’t shut up, then you will punish him. Not silent - to punish without explanation and conversation. Leave her for a week without sweets, for example. Punish a couple of times - she will stop doing it. Firmness, and consistency, and self-respect. :ded:

31.08.2011, 16:44

try to reduce the hard-hard "no" from a hundred times to one :))
and quickly find what to switch attention to. We have had an offer to buy for a very long time bubble(not ruinous and useful), stationery, new magazine with crossword puzzles, etc.

I see no reason to switch attention and buy something else. No, that's all, the girl is 6 years old, not 6 months old.

31.08.2011, 16:44

try to reduce the hard-hard "no" from a hundred times to one :))
and quickly find what to switch attention to. For a very long time, we had an offer to buy soap bubbles (not ruinous and useful), stationery, a new magazine with crossword puzzles, etc.
Chewing gum very quickly lost its appeal when I picturesquely explained about chewing gum in cows and other ruminants: 065: Well, in general - that chewing gum is useful if after eating there is no way to brush your teeth or etc. in dishes).

PPKS.
It is convenient for you that the child is with the grandmother - that means, put up with the fact that the child will manipulate the grandmother. Grandma is generally not obliged to raise your daughter and experience all the hardships of her character. This is YOUR child.
And you have already been told a lot of valuable things. Good luck!
P.S. And why do you think that if a girl at the age of 7 walks alone, then she will teach your daughter bad things? Mine used to walk in the yard at the age of 6, now, at 8 years old, she walks in the yard with her sister (3 years old), this does not mean at all that she is completely vicious.

Current page: 11 (the book has a total of 16 pages) [available reading excerpt: 11 pages]

A conspiracy for the selfless and devoted love of children for their mother

From a letter:

“My fourteen-year-old son is completely out of hand. He used to study well, and then he began to play truant, lie, steal money: you can’t leave a ruble at home. Started smoking. Every day he asks for forgiveness, promises to take up his mind ... At home, the situation is terrible. We constantly swear, it almost comes to a fight. I hardly believe my son anymore, because he constantly lies. I go home - and I do not know what awaits me there. I'm already tired of tears and swearing ... "

Get on the threshold front door, facing the apartment, and read the plot directly from the book, so as not to confuse the words and not make a mistake. When you read, in no case should you stop. In addition, there should not be animals near you at the time of the ceremony, so try to remove them from the house for this time. Conspiracy words such:

I will become a servant of God (name), blessed,
And I will go, crossing myself.
I'll walk on mother earth
I will cover myself with the sky, wash myself with dew,
I gird myself with stars,
Bow down on four sides.
No one can cover the sky
Put out the dawns of the clear
And count all the frequent stars.
So none of my children will be able to me,
Offend your mother, think evil,
Dashing to think, raise your hand,
To catch the tongue in a dispute.
Lord, take away their longing for me,
According to their mother, according to God's servant (name).
How they screamed through my milk,
Missed my mother's tit
They grabbed me by the hem, they ran after me,
From my hand did not lag behind,
Gone - grieved,
Came - joyfully greeted,
Everyone, as one, called mom,
I was them and food and water,
So it would be now and always,
For all eternity,
The kids would miss me
I was welcomed with joy
They would call me mom
They looked into their eyes, they did not want to leave.
Lord, King of Heaven,
You love Your Mother of God,
Don't let my kids hurt me.
Be you, my words, strong, sculpting
For now, for centuries, for all time. Amen.

So that children do not forget their mother

From a letter:

“I have a teenage daughter and I love her with all my heart. Now, in general, everything is fine with us (there are, of course, problems, but where without them), but I look to the future with fear. I know many sad stories when children abandoned their elderly parents to their fate, starved them, kicked them out of the house. However, this was talked about a lot both on television and in newspapers.

I don’t want to say that my daughter is so bad or evil, but everything happens in life. Yes, and those monster children, probably, when they were small, also seemed kind and loving to their parents. I beg you, Natalya Ivanovna, teach us, mothers, some kind of conspiracy so that the children do not forget us.

So that the daughter does not forget the mother

We all know cases when adult daughter I left home and forgot about my mother. To prevent something like this from happening to you, read the following conspiracy:

There is black water in the river, yellow banks near the water,
And my house has thresholds.
Daughter's feet would walk
To me, God's servant (name).
My daughter would honor me
Don't forget your old mother
In sorrow, in illness did not leave,
How I missed her,
How a mare yearns for her foal,
Sheep after her lamb,
Dove in the nest
And my daughter on her porch and on me,
God's servant (name). Amen.

If the son forgot his mother

What a sin to hide, and this often happens. The following conspiracy can help this grief:

I will open, servant of God (name), a window,
I call my son
I'll call him to the threshold.
Remove, Lord, my anxiety.
I can't eat or sleep
Do not suffer for an hour or half an hour.
I throw myself at the white walls,
I rush to the dark windows.
I don't see the moon or the sun
Everyone would cry at the window.
Go, tears, and bring the one
Whom I gave birth to and whom I nursed with milk.
I can't see the white light
Without clear falcon-son.
Lord, find him and bring him
Take a peek, wave your hand.
Mother of God,
How did you miss your Son,
I didn’t know peace either in the day or in the night,
Until I saw my dear Son.
Give me, God's servant (name),
to see my son,
Press to your heart.

To make the mother's children grieve

Pull out a rod that looks like a slingshot from a broom and, driving it along the threshold, read a special plot nine times in a row. The ceremony is held for three days in a row. The spoken words are:

I impose, the servant of God (name), seal-sadness
On the zealous heart of your child
For me, my mother.
Wherever you are, whoever you walk with,
And all would not lose memory of me.
Amen.

Another conspiracy to make maternal children sad

Read the conspiracy words over food or drink, which should then be treated to the child. The conspiracy is this:

Like the Christ Child to the Mother
He crouched down and how over the years he
Didn't forget her
I didn’t offend with words, I didn’t betray with deeds,
So that my child does not betray me
And did not forget.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Conspiracy on the attachment of children to parents

The next morning after the Nativity of Christ, before you wash yourself, say the following conspiracy words:

The Mother of God has a Son,
And I have (child's name). Amen.

Having said this, light a candle at the icon of the Nativity of Christ and let it burn out to the end. As soon as it burns out, you can wash and have breakfast.

So that the children of their parents do not beat

From a letter:

“I would like to ask you for help. I have a neighbor - very kind, affectionate woman. And every time I look at her, I can’t understand how such bright person such a monster-son could be born. Maybe he went to his father (I never saw him)? Be that as it may, this guy does not work anywhere, drinks deeply and, worst of all, beats mother. My neighbor wears trousers and a turtleneck even in the summer - she doesn't want to show her bruises! The whole entrance is already moaning from this guy, and the police do not want to take any measures. How many statements we have already referred - and do not count. When he gets drunk, he can run out of the entrance to the street and start pestering people, climbing with his fists at everyone (it’s good that he didn’t kill anyone, although my heart feels that this is only for now). We don’t let children into the yard anymore - we are afraid. Or he will bring his friends to him and all night long they have music yelling, screaming, noise ... Where my neighbor is at this time, I don’t know. At the same time, he keeps the door wide open all the time, although there is nothing left to steal from them - this bastard took everything out of the house! I am very sorry for my neighbor, because her son does not put a penny on her. Maybe you can give me some advice so that I can at least help her.”

In this case, one should read a special conspiracy over food or drink, which is then treated to the son. Better yet, if on Christmas Eve you cross your son's pillow and read the same plot over it. In any case, the plot should be read three times in a row. His words are:

spasov hand,
Throw on your scarf
On the servant of God (son's name):
On his mouth, so as not to scream,
On his feet, so as not to kick,
On his hands, so as not to beat,
On his soul, to forever forget the anger.
Come to me Jesus Christ Himself,
Spasova hand, Yegoriev castle,
Virgin key.
I'll lock Her keys, I'm not afraid of anyone.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

To prevent children from raising a hand against their parents

If children beat their parents, you need to read a special conspiracy over soap, which is then quietly thrown to cruel children. The spoken words are:

As soon as this soap is washed off the face,
So soon evil will descend from the servant of God (name).
How soapy foam does not hold on the forehead,
So let anger not rest on God's servant (name).
Key, lock, tongue.
Amen. Amen. Amen.

Or touch the deceased and say to yourself:

Like this dead man
Hands don't go up
Do not clench into fists
So it would be with the servant of God (name)
On me, the servant of God (name),
Hands didn't go up
They didn’t wave, they didn’t clench into fists.
Key, lock, tongue.
Amen. Amen. Amen.

If the children raise their hand to the mother

The mother, who is offended by children, must heat the bathhouse on the last day of the waning month. When the water in the boiler boils, you need to throw a pebble into it, saying:

Like this pebble from the water
Won't go up
So it is with the servant of God (name)
Hands on me, servant of God (name),
They will never rise.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

If the daughter beats the mother, then you should say:

So the servant of God (daughter's name) will not rise.

The cruelty of children

If children are cruel and do not put their parents in a penny, read the following conspiracy into the wind:

The buoys are twisting, the buoys are twirling, the buoys are blowing.
Come on, buoy wind, on a buoy, a servant of God (name).
Roll his roar, roll his scream
Take away his evil, console his sorrow.
As the grass dries up without water,
Child without food
So there would be no evil in the servant of God (name)
On me, his mother.

If your own children hate you

It is no secret that there are cruel sons, and daughters can endlessly harass their parents with their anger and nit-picking, wishing them a speedy death. What can be done in this case?

Take some of your own blood and put any seeds (such as cucumbers) into it. Hide all this more securely for fourteen days. Then plant the seeds in the ground. With what grows from these seeds, feed your son or daughter, and children will never offend you again.

Conspiracy from hatred of children to mother

Take seven new, beautiful towels, such that those to whom you give them would not want to throw them away or sell them. Go to the church and give these towels to the poor, as alms are usually served, after reading the following plot over them:

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
I will go, servant of God (name),
Yes, on a wide street
In the clear sun, in the white light.
I shine with God's light
I will wrap myself in a gray cloud,
I will shower with clear stars.
And how can you not stop the moon in the sky,
So it is with me, the servant of God (name),
Do not poison my children
Do not offend, do not drive out of the house,
Do not call a bad word.
Cry, their soul, suffer,
Day and night do not know peace
For me, for God's servant (name),
Now and forever and forever.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

Remove the anger from the son

From a letter:

“I ask you to help my seventeen-year-old son. Six months ago, he began dating a girl. He started drinking, smoking not only cigarettes, but also weed, started skipping college classes. As a result, the session failed. She has already been expelled from college, he is not there yet. But he keeps skipping classes. We recently left town for two weeks. I hoped that he would come to his senses during this time. But when they returned, it turned out that the son had left home and was now sleeping with a friend.

Please, help! I want him to return home, to get an education, successfully marry, never lose touch with his family, never forget and respect his mother. How sweet he used to be! And now it feels like he hates us.”

If the son looks at his parents like a beast, swears in vain and misses all good exhortations, take a bunch of keys from different locks and put them in a pot of water. You must boil the keys at noon, at eight o'clock in the evening and at three in the morning and leave the pot on the stove. In the morning

you need to wash and drink your son with this water, here you will have to cheat, but there is still no other way out. The rite is carried out three times in a row in a debilitating month (pay attention to this Special attention, since by performing the ceremony on the growing month, you will only aggravate the situation). After that, buy your son three new clothes (one after the other, do not pull). Things can be the cheapest - it doesn't matter. Give new clothes to your son with your left hand and, looking into his eyes, read the following conspiracy to yourself:

Like a fish is silent
So you shut up.
As the keys do not shout at their castle,
So you do not shout at me, your mother. Amen.

Conspiracy on filial love

I will become, crossing myself,
Blessing icon.
There is a lake in the middle of mother earth,
There are dumb fish, blind crayfish, water toads.
Among them there is a white fish,
Servant of God (name).
The fish are surrounded by water.
With a whitefish, a servant of God (name),
The son is always there.
As there can be no dead body without earth,
As fish cannot swim without water,
It can't be like that
My son is without a mother, servants of God (name).
Bored, read, do not leave in old age.
Key, lock, tongue. Amen.

What to do if the child is completely out of hand

From a letter:

“I am writing to you for the first time, I really hope for your help and support. My niece is thirteen years old, but the whole family cannot find her mutual language. The girl runs away from home (may not come for weeks), lies to everyone so subtly that not every adult will be able to come up with something like that. Heart-to-heart talks, requests, instructions, ultimatums had no effect. The only authority for her is her father, but his influence began to weaken in recent times. He says about his mother that he hates her. Their family lives separately, and I, of course, do not know everything that happens between them, but I see how her mother is trying to establish peace in the house. But, unfortunately, she began to give up more and more often. I love them all very much and want to help, but I don't know how. In addition, I feel responsible for this child, because I am her godmother. Please tell me how can we…”

If the child lies all the time

Secretly from your child, read a special conspiracy over food or drink, which you then treat him to. The ceremony is performed three times in a row, and after that your child will forget about his vice. The conspiracy is this:

In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Two brothers and three sisters came:
Zachary da Macarius, Daria, Marya da Natalia.
They spoke with tongues, lips, moved their cheeks,
Whispered, muttered, spoke,
Three times, repeatedly spoke
The servant of God (name) has a tongue,
They sat silent on this tongue.
And you, tongue, do not say too much, do not shout,
And you, tongue, be silent with silence,
So to say good language
And keep silent about the bad language.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

So that the child never quarreled with the mother

It is noticed that after reading this conspiracy, the child becomes kinder, begins to take care of the mother and never be rude to her again. I really want this miraculous conspiracy to help you too! His words are:

You are my clear dawns, you are my red dawns,
Get together, you, dawns, in one sulgan.
You walk high, you see far,
Do not go to the field or to the sea,
And you go to my servant of God (name).
Shed light, love on her soul,
On her heart
So that she worries about her mother,
Listened to me, did not interrupt.
Take out all evil from her,
Put goodness into her soul.
How I carried the servant of God (name) in my arms,
She fed with her breast, with her milk,
How she ran after me, suffered,
Didn't let go of my hand
"Mother!" screaming day and night
That's how she called me
She didn't use a rude word.
My little bird, take off my goryushka
Dew, rain, pure snow
Rinse, rinse the hatred from her soul.
Now and forever and forever and ever.
From now until the century for many years.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Conspiracy from maternal trouble

From a letter:

“My daughter is only fifteen years old, and she is already, no matter how terrible I admit it, a lost person. Maybe her friends are to blame (in bad company she got there at the age of twelve), or maybe there was some kind of flaw in her initially - I don’t know. But as soon as she got into this company, she immediately began to smoke! You won't believe it at the age of twelve. At the age of fourteen, she began to drink beer and all kinds of cocktails. She began to leave the house in the evenings and did not appear until the morning. To all the questions, she was only rude and closed the door in my face. I didn’t do anything with her: I tried to talk in a good way, and scolded, and didn’t give money, all to no avail. She closed it in the apartment - she escaped through the window. We live on the second floor, and under us is just a gas pipe. So she got through this pipe to the visor of the front door, and then climbed out through the window into the entrance. In general, as soon as I found out about this, I immediately stopped closing it - I got scared, it would suddenly break and fall, it’s better to let it walk. She has troubles at school: constant conflicts with teachers, deuces (already in the second year she managed to stay). Normal children do not communicate with her, avoid her, but all the trash stretches as if she had been smeared with honey. She has already managed to take part in fights, for which she was registered in the children's room of the police. They put her on the register and to the narcologist ... But there was little sense from all this. She is not afraid of anything, she does not want to listen to anyone. Steals money. If I hide them, then she threatens to commit suicide, she even cut her veins once, and seriously. My daughter is disappearing, and I can’t do anything about it - I’m fighting like a fish on ice, but it’s all to no avail! I don’t know what to do with her, how to save her!”

If the children are doing well, then the mother is always happy. If the son or daughter has gone astray, rolled down the slope, the mother will cry out all her eyes, she will not be happy with the white light. If, God forbid, something similar happens in your family, in Maundy Thursday take water from a wooden well, drink two sips, and carry the third sip in your mouth to your home. (Never spit or swallow this water!) Then spit this water on the threshold of your house and say:

When this water returns to where I took it,
Only then will the servant of God (name) drink intoxicating
And not by God's word live.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Now and forever and forever and ever. Amen.

What to do if the child is out of hand (ambulance)

Just yesterday, your child followed you around, carefully listening to your every word, and today he runs away from home, is rude, steals money from you and no longer listens to you, his parents, but to his friends. Hurry up to take action, act before it's too late, because it is easy to lose a child, but it is very difficult to return him to the family. Go to the church, put twelve candles there in front of the icon of the Virgin "Joy of All Who Sorrow." Kneel before the holy image, pray with all your heart and ask for help, and when you return home, read a special conspiracy on the holy water you brought from the church. By persuasion or cunning, drink and wash the child with charmed water. The conspiracy is as follows:

I'm leaving in the shirt of Our Lady.
May the wounds of my God cover me,
Four Crowns of Heaven:
Saint John the Evangelist, Saint Luke,
Saint Matthew, Saint Mark.
May they keep me from men and women,
From lead and iron, from steel,
So that they can neither hurt nor cut,
Don't break my bones
So that my friends could not me
Manage and push around
Neither flattery to take, nor fear to embrace,
So that the wine does not intoxicate me,
Alien gold did not attract
And would be over me
Mother Church and mother dear.
Amen.

Mothers to help

From a letter:

"I really need your help. The point is that I have serious problems with my daughter, and I don't know what to do, how to influence my daughter. As soon as she has free time, she immediately runs to her friends and after that she can disappear somewhere for several days. When she comes home, I smell alcohol! No matter how much I talked to her, no matter how much I cursed, nothing takes her. I ask her: “Why do you need all this? Why are you doing this to me?" He answers that he doesn't know. How many times she has already promised me not to communicate with her friends, but she does not last long. Please, please help!"

If you want your child not to depend on anyone, not to be led by his friends and girlfriends and consult only with you, honor and obey only you, read this conspiracy:

Go home baby
Don't blame anyone else
Take advice with dad
Take advice with the uterus
Bow down to the icon
Submit to your parents.
So you would all rush home,
Like a baby chasing a tit.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

What to do if an adult daughter eats a mother

From a letter:

“My daughter and I can’t get along. I understand everything, two adults in a small apartment - of course, conflicts are inevitable here. But she does not want to listen to anything, does not want to negotiate. Everything should be according to her, and only according to her. And since we are different from her and we look at things differently, we are constantly at war.

In this case, you should do this. Read a special plot over water, which first wash all the windows, then all the doors, and then the threshold of the front door. The ceremony should be performed three times in a row. And soon you will notice how your daughter's attitude towards you has changed. And do not torment yourself - what happened, it happened! Try not to repeat your past mistakes. The conspiracy is as follows:

On an even day, on an even date, at an even hour
Three holy hierarchs are coming:
Demyan, Kuzma and father Simeon.
The servant of God (name) goes to meet them:
– Where does the path lead you, holy hierarchs?
- We go to the world to give reconciliation,
From any enmity to give healing.
Saint Demyan, Saint Kuzma and Father Simeon,
Give, for Christ's sake, reconciliation,
Deliverance from enmity
Me, God's servant (name),
And the servant of God (daughter's name).
Take out your golden sabers,
Fire knives, damask axes,
Cut you off from the servant of God (daughter's name)
All hatred, all impatience,
Give me, for Christ's sake, deliverance from her evil.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Now and right now.
Amen.

Attention! This is an introductory section of the book.

If you liked the beginning of the book, then full version can be purchased from our partner - a distributor of legal content LLC "LitRes".

QUESTION: Help! The son is completely out of control. He doesn’t listen at all, to all requests one answer is “I don’t want, I won’t ...”

I raised my son alone until the age of three. His father left us before the baby was born. But when he was 3 years old, I met the man who became my husband. He treats the child as if he were his own, although sometimes it seems to me that he is unnecessarily strict.

Soon my son will be 7 years old, school is ahead and I just don’t know how to discipline my child.

ANSWER: Hello! Your question is relevant for most parents. Each of us wants a child to be obedient.

Unfortunately, a full-fledged systemic psychoanalysis of your situation requires more information. On the other hand, system-vector psychology allows you to give practical advice even under such conditions.

Perhaps, in your case, there is stubbornness that occurs with the wrong approach to raising children with an anal vector. These children are the most “mother dependent”. These children are led, they need support and are dependent on their mother's praise (or her disapproval).

This is due to the peculiarity of the thinking of the anal child. They are naturally endowed with rigid thinking, their body was not originally designed to work "in emergency mode." And this applies to all spheres of life - from fulfilling my mother's requests to cleansing the intestines.

The problem arises if the child seems too slow to the parents - and they begin to adjust it, to hurry it up. This throws the child out of his natural rhythm. Due to the peculiarities of the psyche, the anal child, who was knocked out of the rhythm, is forced to start everything from the very beginning - which, in turn, causes irritation in the parents. It seems to them that the child deliberately does everything slowly.

As a result, there is vicious circle. Parents rush the child, he cannot finish what he started, he begins to stubbornly, parents get annoyed ...

When raising an anal child, one more feature of his psyche must be taken into account. Figure psychological comfort anal man - square. In this figure, as you know, it's all the same - angles, sides. And in life, the anal person feels comfortable only when everything is even. Any "skew" causes severe discomfort.

The deflection of the edges of the "square" inward occurs if the child thinks that he was deprived of something, something was not given. And more often not in material terms, but in terms of emotions, attention, care. In your case, such feelings could arise in a child in connection with a change in your marital status or with the excessive severity of the new dad, not balanced by adequate praise. In this case, the child has resentment, which can cause his disobedience and stubbornness.

But praise should not be abused. The fact is that inadequate, undeserved praise in the eyes of the child completely devalues ​​his achievement, which can cause guilt - the other side of resentment. The child's psyche is not yet mature, so it is very difficult for him to cope with the feeling of psychological discomfort, which can also cause "wrong" behavior.

More full information about raising a child with an anal vector you can get from the article “I won’t go, mother, to kindergarten ... A stubborn child - to break or bend?”

But in fairness, it should be noted that the disobedience of an offended anal child is only one of the possible scenarios. A child with a skin vector may seem naughty and even hyperactive - especially if there is an anal vector in the mother's set of vectors.

And the approach to raising such a child is fundamentally different from raising an anal baby. If adequate praise is necessary for the anal child, then the cutaneous benefit will go adequate restraint and strict discipline. At the same time, excessive strictness and inadequate prohibitions can cause a feeling of protest and a desire to resist pressure.

But permissiveness and lack of regimen affect the development of a child with a skin vector no less negatively. Therefore, when raising a child with a skin vector, it is extremely important to argue your prohibitions, negotiate with him and promote the development of his innate properties, adhering to a reasonable daily routine.

I want to make a reservation - for exact definition set of your child's vectors you are encouraged to undergo training. Already after the first introductory lectures, which are regularly held on the portal, you will understand your child much better and will be able to find an approach to him.