Whether to add strangers to VK. Digital Etiquette: Don't Friend Everyone
People add each other as friends on social networks not so much to communicate, but to create the appearance of how many Friends love them.
This is supported by the fact that many are not going to correspond with those on their list at all. Why were they invited then? To create the appearance of friendship?
Personally, such people really bother me: while you are looking for right person, you have to go through a lot of "dead souls", from which there is no use, they only take up space. In VKontakte, you can safely delete someone with whom you have not communicated for a long time or who stubbornly and pathologically does not answer you. They just won't notice if you don't mean anything to them.
But in Odnoklassniki this is a whole problem, because notifications appear there that you are no longer Friends, and then those of your once good friends who stubbornly spat on your messages and generally forgot about you, suddenly brightly perk up and raise a cry, why are you theirs dare to throw it away. What about ignoring a person who does not cause you trouble and with whom you are in good relations, at least dishonorably, for some reason does not hang on their conscience.
If they really need you as a friend, they would prove it by their actions, but it turns out that they only need you "for furniture" or for a collection, so that everyone can see that they have the whole Olya in Friends or just 1 person more.
When a person registers in social networks, at first he somehow feels uncomfortable “alone”. I want to cover up. Sort of like "goal like a falcon." At first, many, in the joy of seeing familiar faces, shove everyone they know into Friends. But then how do you organize them? It's good that now you can distribute "friends" by lists, but the mobile version of "VKontakte", which I use, unfortunately, does not provide such an opportunity. I have to scroll through a lot of either people I don’t know who became friends and fell silent, or comrades who turned into “formers” as soon as they invited me as friends and died out forever until they need something from me. And that stubbornly not responding to messages and congratulations is simply not polite, my false friends, apparently, do not understand. Surely, their families have adopted a scenario: “Answer and write to those who you need more now, and the rest will be killed. You will write to them when you need to get something from them.
Unfortunately, I was fully confronted with such dishonesty of my supposedly friends and acquaintances, who, in real life often rushed to me with all sorts of requests for help, and in general they were so pleased with my company that it was difficult for me to get rid of them. And suddenly - a complete ignore. But in real life, they can again rush and fawn.
You are a funny people!
Some compete, who has more Friends, so it's funny to see how some acquaintance has a terribly problematic person, from whom everyone ran away in real life, only I felt sorry for him and supported him (although it was hard for me), suddenly there are so many people in Friends that he many times outdid everyone who had never been a match for anyone. These are show-offs, actively demonstrating how they are allegedly recognized and loved. These shove everyone they know as friends, while they have almost no one to communicate with, because people from the list do not like them, and not enough common themes, so the show-offs go on more and more trips for fictitious friends.
There are people who promote themselves by dragging hundreds of acquaintances and strangers to pay attention to their songs, music, products, products, ideology (yes, anything).
There are also those who, on the contrary, invite someone interesting (and often unfamiliar) as a friend so that everyone can see what an extraordinary person they are on. short leg. They put profitable friends that they are going to use: maybe ask a craftsman for advice or consult a psychologist or astrologer for free, take ideas, or even plagiarize something from someone else's page. They could, at least, add the person of interest to Bookmarks or subscribe to his page, and not be torn to be friends. After all, anyway, they don’t smell of friendship, but only selfish motives.
Someone adds to the list to send spam and earn money by promoting groups and communities.
And there is also a layer of society that is not particularly clear to me, which attracts absolutely strangers to be its friends and it is not clear why they are needed. If they wanted to communicate, they would write, make contacts with people from their list. Or do they gather people just in case, suddenly come in handy?
I had a couple unknown women, who stubbornly dragged me to those social networks where I had not yet been. What for?
They received my e-mail when I submitted my materials for publication in their magazines or even saw it on one of the forums. They were not going to communicate with me, but for some reason they began to persistently pull me to one social network, then to another.
I have not had any contact with them for 6 years, anyway, they invite me to Friends, anywhere. Apparently, these people do not care who they drag into Friends, as long as they create the appearance of their significance.
What do you do with your friends on the list? Do you respond to their congratulations and other messages or, if you don’t need them now, can you safely ignore them in the hope that they will forgive you anyway such meanness out of their kindness?
Or do only my acquaintances suffer from the lack of even banal politeness (or rather, I from them)? No, not only me. Julia has the same story. The more polite and decent a person is, the more people think: “Well, he will forgive me. In any case, I can rush to him for help and support, and someone who, but he will not refuse me or scold me. But the rest will yell and remember if I don’t answer them, so if you want, you don’t want, but you have to.
This is the situation in the society with which I have had to communicate in the last ten years.
Unfortunately.
Social networks have become the main invention of the last decades and their appearance has significantly changed the psychology of interpersonal communication. If earlier the circle of friends included only those people with whom we are in direct contact, now each user has the number of virtual friends that exceeds all conceivable boundaries. So, why add strangers as friends and how productive is such friendship? Sociologists around the world are looking for answers to these questions.
Why people are added as friends on VK, classmates and Facebook
Any social network has no specific geographical boundaries and you can "make friends" with a person who lives in another corner of the planet. If you now open a list of your friends in Odnoklassniki, Contact or any other social network, then some of your acquaintances will be completely unfamiliar. Why do people add to you as friends without knowing anything about you and not even trying to communicate?
This phenomenon has been studied by many scientists, and studies have revealed an interesting trend. Friendship on social media is very different from real communication If we like to spend time with friends whom we see in reality, communicate and share impressions, then virtual friends do not require constant attention to your person. The fact of accepting friendship does not burden you with anything and you do not need to periodically ask stranger how he's doing. Rather, on the contrary, an attempt to get close can be perceived as an encroachment on personal space and a person can add you to the black list.
The reasons for sending a friend request can be varied:
- You interesting page. The person just became interested in what you post and he will be glad to read something from your messages again. However, this form of friendship does not imply feedback and you don't even have to reply to his comment after the post.
- The person knows you personally. Social networks are a great opportunity to find the neighbor boy with whom you climbed garages in your distant childhood. VK you friends can knock former classmate, forgotten friend or even distant relative. In this case, the social network plays the role of an excellent tool for communicating with people with whom contact has been lost for a long time.
- Fraud. Sad as it may seem, but some of those who want to tie up with you virtual acquaintance They expect to make money off of it. Such friends begin to offer products that you are not interested in or decide to openly extort money.
Despite the danger, modern users are happy to add strangers as friends.
An interesting study was conducted in one of the institutes in England. A focus group was assembled, which included people of different sexes and with different hobbies, but actively using the social network. They were divided into two separate groups. The first was shown a page with a profile of a certain person, and the second sent a friend request. After that, they asked what they thought of this person. Those who “befriended” a person spoke more positively about him than those who simply studied his profile.
Psychology of interpersonal communication in social networks
Traditional concepts of friendship have been modified under the influence of the Internet. For example, we feel attached to people who are on our friends list. But, at the same time, we do not have a desire to communicate with them every day. Virtual friendship can be based on common hobbies, or it can just be an option in the social network itself. As a rule, many of us flaunt a large number of friends, although we cannot even give their real names.
The last paragraph hides another psychological factor. Many people rate a new person by the number of friends they have on a social network. However, on this issue, different users have completely opposite opinions. Some of us will be surprised and immediately want to be friends with this person, while others will consider him either too infantile or a scammer.
Those who actively use the social network need to remember that the rules of friendship in this world can differ significantly from the usual ideas. There is nothing wrong with accepting an offer of friendship from a complete stranger. But you have to be friends by the rules virtual world. You should not impose communication on a new friend or demand attention to your person.
Sociological studies of social network users have shown interesting results. If you unfollow a person as a friend, it causes backlash. Even if there was no communication between you.
Online scammers
The most dangerous result of adding strangers as friends is fraud. It is often expressed in the offer of goods or the extortion of money. For example, you strike up a conversation with a stranger and he talks about great investments or devotes you to the tragic events that happened to him. Most often, such a dialogue will be followed by a request for a small amount money, after which new friend lost on the Internet. Of course, in difficult situation it may turn out to be a completely law-abiding user, so such requests should not be immediately attributed to the criminal category.
There are several basic ways to identify a scammer. Take a look at his page. What avatar he uses, the number of his friends and the completeness of the profile. For petty fraud, they rarely create full-fledged accounts and get by with only basic information. So you yourself are largely responsible for your own safety, and to identify a fraudster, you only need to find Sherlock Holmes in yourself.
The social network is a phenomenon that has changed the basis of communication. You can find many reasons not to add strangers and just as many advantages to the decision to accept anyone with open arms. If some methods are already well studied by a fraudster, then new ones will always appear. However, old acquaintances who found you quite by accident will just scroll through your profile next time and you will never meet in person.
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Do not accept applications
to add as a friend
from strangers: value your personal space on social networks.
How it works
A recent study published in the journal Computers in Human Behavior found that that adding to friends generates sympathy for a person, even if it is an unfamiliar face. Scientists came to this conclusion in the course of an experiment in which 231 students of one lecture stream participated. The researchers divided the subjects into two groups: some were asked to accept an online friend request from an unfamiliar fellow student named Jordan, while others were simply shown the same page. Then the participants of the experiment had to express their impression of Jordan as a person (while Jordan was a fictional character - sometimes male, sometimes female). As a result, students from the first group spoke much more positively about Jordan than students from the second group.
This suggests that even on the Internet, where the laws of interpersonal communication work in a rather peculiar way, adding friends still creates some kind of connection based on mutual trust. Although if in real life, before “revealing our soul”, we need more than one meeting, then in conditional Facebook we open access to personal publications with one click. When we receive an application from a stranger, there are only two strategies: accept it or reject it. Let's be honest: sometimes we easily add those whom we hardly remember or have never met in reality. Hence the statistics: on average, the number of online friends exceeds the number of real friends twice. We continue to multiply our contacts and do not think about the amount of personal information that these people we barely know receive. Maybe we should stop and stop adding friends whose names we don’t even remember, and focus on those who are really interested in our life?
James Baer
writer
and consultant
“The scenario when we get to know someone in in social networks and at the same time we can cross paths in real life, after which we can really make friends, today it seems more and more incredible. Social networks are globalizing and the gap between real friendship and “friending” is becoming more and more difficult to overcome. As my social media following grew, I stopped posting about my personal life because most of my "friends" don't know anything about me, my family, or the city where I live. Technology is not just not bringing us closer together, as we used to think, but alienating us even more. So instead of creating everything more relationships, maybe it’s better to focus on making a couple of real friends?”
Why do chewers themselves add to friends in contact? And then they are offended by the question, they say, what is the purpose of adding? Why add silently, if you are not familiar, nothing unites? Why not write something samai, put a like, if in real life it’s not destiny to chat. Why is everyone so lazy with these social networks?
virtual communication very different from life.
Here you can anonymously view other people's pages, go to the profile of a person you like, without worrying that he will find out about it, you can write on someone else's behalf, hide behind other people's photos ... In a word, be like that and do what in real life can be uncomfortable, scary..
you describe very typical behavior young girls in social networks. They often "make friends", especially guys, in order to appear more popular or more status. This is a way of self-affirmation, raising low self-esteem. Privately notorious girls who have social life not very active, trying to compensate for this in the virtual world.
Regarding the reaction to the question about the purpose of adding. Girls may have a stereotype that guys should take the initiative when meeting. In her understanding, she has already taken the first step by sending a friend request. The question may put her in a somewhat embarrassing position. On the one hand, if it's just a massive addition, there really is no goal, and if you like the guy, it's not always easy to step over yourself and write something.
Filter requests, be a little more indulgent, because even in contact you can meet a person dear to you.
Good luck:)
I also don’t understand when strangers are added and at the same time they are stupidly silent) Maybe she thinks that she has added to you and has already taken the 1st step?)) They are probably waiting for the further initiative to be from you.
You should ask specific girl why she was offended by the question and added. How an outsider can know this by 11%, judge for yourself.
They became lazy because laziness is a mechanism for intuitively recognizing the meaninglessness of the task being performed or simplifying the task. Why would I climb a mountain for thyme if it grows in my garden?
Girls are added as friends for many reasons - they sell something, and they work somewhere, and they lure you somewhere, and you need a lot of friends, and they found the person interesting, and they were previously familiar with the person, but you never know what they can be causes?
Why do you care that they are offended if they do not know each other?
If there is no answer to the question about the purpose of adding, do not add. The motives can be very worthwhile for people who are added to you, and the most nonsense.
If a person is interested, they give him likes, and write, and so on. If this bothers you, start with yourself. :)
Like, write, chat. In this case, you will not care about individuals who are added for some reason.
Good luck.
They may be added for a variety of reasons.
Apparently, they are offended because they perceive this question aggressively, like "who are you? why are you adding to me?" Write something softer, like: " Good evening! Do we know you?"
Well, don't bother, maybe they are waiting for you to ask first. So ask if you're interested. And if you are not interested, you don’t know who it is, then just don’t add and don’t write, that’s all.
To read the tape. Apparently, you have a very interesting insipid profile and life is in full swing.
I then delete such people, giving them a few months. And, accepting as friends, I inform you that I have in them only when they are familiar to me in real life or very well interesting people who you want to meet
To be honest, I don't understand it either. Why do strangers ask to be friends? Apparently this is for something. I don't ask anyone I don't know to be friends. Others, perhaps, do this so that their real friends can see how cool they are, more than a hundred friends, and the fact that all these people are fake is important to them. Or they make money on it, every ad that they distribute, like, everything is paid for, maybe because of this. If you don't want it, don't add it.
You see the question that one of the users of the site asked the Universe, and the answers to it.
Either people who are very similar to you, or your complete opposites, answer.
Our project was conceived as a way psychological development and growth, where you can ask advice from "similar" and learn from "very different" what you do not yet know or have not tried.
Do you want to ask the Universe about something important to you?