Restoring good relations with. How to save relationships: the secrets of eternal love. The sense of humor retains relationships

Question to a psychologist:

We met a guy on one of the dating sites 2 years ago. At that time I communicated with a few men. He very persistently courted, fulfilled my requests, waited patiently when I sateled for no communication with other men. He helped me a lot with solving the problems of my son. A year and a half ago we began to live together. His parents took me very well, although we have a difference between the ages of 20. He is 25, I am 44. Everything was very good, there were of course some household quarrelsBut these are little things, we quickly forgot about them. He told all the time that he wanted to marry me that she wanted a child. He forced me literally to dilute with former husband, forced (this is an exact word) to get pregnant, I certainly wanted it too, but I was afraid of age. When prevented, he was shocked. When I asked what was the matter, I replied that we have so many problems, we do not extend the child (we live with my mom, we have no housing). From about from January, he began to change, began to pay much less attention, Break, whip on me. Explained this by unloved work. Now it works in another place for several months, but it only became worse. He began to come late at night, became completely abandoned from me. From work - and for a computer. When he brought him to the conversation, he said that he lives like in an aquarium, could not at what time he wanted to come home, he could not drink beer when she wants that I was superfluous. A week ago I could not stand it, broke, was hysterical, I gathered him things, and he went home. It was not particularly worried, although if a conversation came about parting before, for him it was a tragedy, right up to suicide threats. After he left, I cooled, called him, asked for forgiveness, said that I would change, and he said that now he should think that he himself does not know what he wants. And asked for 2 weeks of "vacation from relationships." Now lives with friends, calls me for a day 4 times, but not ready to return. I'm sitting like a powder barrel. I do not know what to expect. Tell me, please, how is it better to do here: wait for his decisions or is it all already finished these relationships?

The question is answered by the psychologist Danilchuk Valentina Vasilyevna.

Marina, hello!

Finish these relationships or not - to solve only you.

Once again, analyze everything that happens between you. Are you satisfied with such relationships? If yes - wonderful if not - why?

Your guy says that you are too controlling it. Listen to his claim. If this is the only thing he does not like - try to weaken control.

Relations between husband and wife should be harmonious, filled with love, mutual respect, mutual understanding. Yes, at first (during the candy-flower period), the relationship is very passionate. But you do not need to forget to support them.

So I understand, soon you will have a child. Marina, what do you think your young man can cope with the role of his father or will be after the slightest quarrel from home? This is the guys.

Quietly discuss mutual claims.

Marina, do you want to continue or not? As far as you are confident in your young man? He corresponds to, so to speak, your ideal?

Love between a man and a woman is not just an abstract feeling, but a tool that encourages building relationships, creating a family. But sometimes there are such situations when there are light chill between loving people. It may seem that the love came an end, but it is far from that. Crisis are everywhere, but it is quite possible to cope with them. If you encounter such a problem in your pair and want to learn how to preserve the relationship between you and your half, then this article will be useful to you.

Why not everything adds like a fairy tale?

Unfortunately, our life is so multifaceted and unpredictable that it is impossible to hope for stability even in love. Although it would seem, it is high feeling, nothing can affect him. The reasons for which the disorder with the beloved person occurs, may be the following:

• When relationships are just beginning, lovers cannot impass each other. The period of such euphoria can last a maximum of 2 years. Further if the relationships go to new level, arise everyday problems And questions, for example, where to live, what to eat, how to accumulate on vacation. Here and small quarrels arise, resentment, misunderstanding, quit. This moment, the so-called household wipes, can serve as cold in relations. But, as practice shows, it happens almost any couple, and it is quite possible to survive.

• If young spend too much time with each other, the relationship may worsen. As not strange, but it really is. Imagine if you will be located next to the same person 24 hours a day, to communicate mainly with him, then, probably, after a while it will start annoying. Moreover, the sense of susceptibility may experience both one partner and immediately both.

• In the situation of the spatial distance of loved ones from each other, especially long timeRelationships can also lose their warmth.

• Dissatisfaction with each other. A man does not suit that his beloved is well cooking, and a woman - that her young man earns a little. This is only one example of hundreds.

The reasons for the distance of people from each other can be the most different. But in any case, it is worth trying to save them, if, of course, the situation does not go beyond the permissible.

Wait for me and I will come back!

Let's talk about a common situation - relationships at a distance. If your husband, the groom, the guy is in hundreds of kilometers from you, no matter what reasons (work, study, etc.), it is useful for you to know some secrets that will help maintain heat between you:

• SMS messages. Write more than a cute, pleasant one more often. This will cause a smile on the face of a loved one, probably he will answer the same.

• If you want to please or surprise your beloved, send him a letter or a postcard. Maybe it has already come out of fashion, but as he warms the soul envelope with a letter from the beloved woman who is waiting and loved.

• Support it, interest his mood and well-being. Caring in relationships, even at a distance, plays an important role.

Light chill

It happens, you live with my husband, and everything seems to be fine, but the relationship is no longer the. You are like pleasures, comrades who work for the benefit of one business. But women always want tenderness, caress, love ... And there is almost no husband from her husband. Here you need to act:

• Device surprise. Delicious dinner, candles and champagne, evening memories. You can also add a walk in your commemorative places. Such a romance will be able to ignite the previous feelings.

• Speak more often good words. Remember that you are still not neighbors in the apartment, but loving friend friend people. Wish good morning, say a few words about beauty or good qualities Your man is easy, but effectively.

• Drag. Go to a meeting with friends yourself, and a husband - to friends. Spend well time, relax, because the problem is possible from oversaturation with each other.

The crisis in relations between husband and wife is not a reason for parting. It can be overcome.

Maybe still go?

When the relationship is truly entering the deadlock, and one of the partners really pass all the feelings, here you need to accurately decide for yourself, is there a prospect further development, And whether such love will inhibit one of the partners. If you can't find a common language with a man, he offends you, does not pay due attention or you have lost all interest, it is worth thinking whether to preserve a relationship at all. Perhaps you and your partner will find happiness next to other people. It is necessary to think not egoistic, but rationally. After all, in extreme relationships, neither you nor a young man will feel anything other than fatigue, angerness, disappointment. Need to distinguish small problems in relationships and gone feelings.

To maintain good relationships between you and your second half, it is enough to adhere to a few more simple rules:

• Expand the circle of communication. On just on your loved one.
• Plan joint leisure, rest. It brings very closely.
• Learn to give up, make compromises.
• Do not be afraid to express your opinion, setting it to the most accessible as possible for your man. Without quarrels and swearing. This will help avoid misunderstanding.

Relationship between a man and a woman is a complex process. You will not find universal rules, truth in any books. Everything is very individual here, each person is able to either strengthen the relationship, or put the point where it is needed.

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You can save relationships only if they are sincere and mutual. But, as you know, there is nothing perfect. And even in the most strong relationship A crack may occur. And who knows him whether these relationships were sincere. And yet the question arises - why did it happen?

Why do you have to save long relationship

Each pair comes the moment when the relationship is cool down a bit. The main thing is not to panic, but correctly survive this period.

Why felt feelings:

Your feelings weakened with time;

You are often far from each other;

Life and weekdays replaced romantic moments;

Distrust that caused treason consequences;

Fatigue from their duties;

Life difficulties and problems.

Problems B. intimate intimacy.

This, of course, not the entire list of reasons, because of which, the relationship is spoiled. But most importantly, it is in such situations to take yourself in hand and find a way out of the current situation. And we will help you how to preserve the longitudinal relationship.

It is necessary to find out all the misunderstandings that you are disturbing. Do not close in yourself and worry yourself. This can even lead to madness. It is better to talk and put everything into place. You must always be open and sincere in everything. Only so you can reach your half and figure out all the troubles;

Always carefully treat each other. Compliments, admiration about victories - all this will only have a positive effect on your relationship. Also do not forget to thank each other for a certain work done, not even significant;

Try to surprise each other more often. You can, of course, surprise and expensive giftsBut it does not always work. Better let it be a pleasant surprise or gift for your partner, but it will symbolize something just for both of you;

Moother together in free time. You can find out each other more and more, and both will be both nice to stay and do something interesting together;

The division of labor will great way To strengthen your relationship. Recall that you too can do what your second half does. And it will be nice when coming from work, she will not need to do it. And even better when you do everything together. Even cooking dinner will be more pleasant when it is done by you together;

Also, try to fulfill all the problems, it will be easier and is much easier to find a way out of the current situation.

So, it is worth only for wanting, and in your relationship will come to equilibrium and idyll.

How to maintain a long relationship in a pair

Feel free to talk with your chosen one about your feelings, about what bothers you. The main thing in the relationship is trust and frankness. Without conversations, "souls" you will not understand each other. Create favorable conditions for conversation, talk about what bothers you;

Men are difficult to express their emotions, but for wise woman It is not a problem to summarize the conversation to find out what actually happens in the soul of the chosen one. Try to keep everything in a relaxed and facilitating atmosphere. Without nervousness. If your partner cannot talk to you at home, change the situation and talk in the place where you have repeatedly spent pleasant moments. This will help to relax and do not climb;

Find out why your relationship has become different. The reasons may be mass: treason, unrecognized insults, negligence in relation to each other, vitality. Do not sharpen the conversation at your resentment. If you intend to keep feelings - forgive everyone and let go;

Try to take your partner with all its shortcomings. Ideal does not happen, and you are not an exception. Give him the opportunity to be yourself. Help him cope with what he does himself all the time - she tries to be like you want. A man is difficult to live constantly in tension, he gets tired of it. Make it so that it opens up before you, and you will see your love for him again;

Add romance to your sensations: Organize a date, make a gift just like this, be near hard moments;

Forget about the fact that hysterics and scandals - an effective way. It will tense not only him, but also you.

Family problems often fill out our life and the question - how to save relationships, becomes the main thing to save the family and establish a joint life.

At the first stage of the relationship there is a special euphoria that feelings will never pass. Minutes of expectations seem to be eternity, and eternity implies unlimited happiness And pink locks.

No matter how sad to realize, but any relationship is too early or late to suffer tests and can end. The chance to save your feelings depends on both of you. If a woman and men have happiness in their communication, then they will definitely find a way to save and not lose their union.

Loving people Try three main dangers:

Quickly cool and bored with each other

To be sure that you know everything about a friend. That is, the partner has become uninteresting you.

Treason, as a consequence of a frivolous act or mindless flirt.

How to save for a long time relationship with your loved one

I definitely find out all misunderstanding. The habit of sailing inside, without discussing problems with the partner, leads to the occurrence of coldness between people.

With a protracted domestic conflict, severe depression may occur and the desire to break the relationship will come. It should be learn to trust and open communication, not to hone offense and seek help to the closest person. If your relationships are open and sincere, they will last long.

Show attention to each other. More often make your partner compliments, appreciate his personal qualities, the ability to solve problems and work achievements. Appreciate what partners do for each other in household, everyday life, you need every day - praise your husband for fulfilled knives, thank my wife for delicious dinner etc. Try to pay attention to each other, thereby keep proximity.

More often surprise each other. It does not mean to give any expensive and gorgeous gifts. Small surprises, manifestation of care, sudden and unexpected trips, meetings - remove the routine from your relationship. You can give a gift, small, but significant for you. Choose things practical and romantic, thereby causing a smile of surprise on the face of the partner.

Wash each other free time. Together spend the weekend and evenings, not all but sufficient numberSo that none of you felt abandoned or deprived of this.

It is necessary to share responsibilities. When you begin to meet, few people think about what to be and what consequences he can bring. When the household taper begins, many pairs do not pass on endurance. If someone does in relationships, and someone does nothing, then the conflict is inevitable.

Learn to solve household problems together, share responsibility, turn the usual shopping trip to the opportunity to stay next to each other.

Here are the basic five rules that will tell you how to save a long time relationship.

How to keep love in relationships

According to psychologists, any history of love can be told in 6 sentences, since the relationship of men and women pass 6 stages. It is the knowledge of these crucial moments that helps many couples find an answer to life. important question: How to preserve relationships and love between a man and a woman.

As a child, many of us liked to jump over one, or even after two steps, alas, everything is different in love, and trying to jump over the problem or the interests of your loved one can end.

The first stage is the stage of love, romance and adoration of the chosen one. All features and habits seem perfect. And the lovers themselves look at each other as in the mirrors, in which only the indisputable advantages of both are reflected. This "childhood" of love, the most carefree period that lasts about one month. But if you are both lucky, it is possible to maintain such a feeling for 3-4 years.

The second stage is the time of compromise. W.lovers disappears the desire to constantly hold on the arm, peering into each other, they begin to notice in their favorite what they had not seen before. At this point, many steam disintegrate.

It's time to gradually "disappear from each other," but many lovers are so fond of this natural processthat can not stop and part forever. Respect, the ability to listen and understand close man, patience is the main assistants that will help preserve relationships and go to the third stage.

The third stage is the time of the struggle for power in the Union of Men and Women. The opposition is growing. At this time, the phrase sounds most often: "You do not love me!". During this period, serious support from friends and relatives to preserve relations will be required.

The fourth stage is the most difficult, it is also called the "fatal 7th year". The most crisis time of marriages, for this period you have to the greatest number Divorces increases danger changes.

Each of the spouses after 7 years of life, seems to be ready to dissociate the partner to approve his "I". At this time, it will take hardness and ability to save the love and relationship to prevent love and the ability to say "no" to his chosen one, courage and ability to frankly talk about common issues.

Fifth stage - truce. If your marriage existed to the 5th stage, then you can safely say that you know how to preserve the relationship between a man and a woman.

The sixth stage is the acquisition of harmony in love on a new twist. The family reigns peaceful, peace and happiness. Partners learned to take each other as they are. If yours family boat. It was not crashed about life and fell to the 6th stage, most likely. Your marriage will last for many years.

How to keep love in the family

If a living together Or constant communication go into the familiar and monotonous routine, you will not be happy to come the arrival of a husband from work, and your spouse is habit to take your homemade happiness.

Try at least once to meet your husband from work not with a duty issue: "How are you?", And with an intriguing promise to surprise something. Cook a delicious dinner, cover a beautiful table, tell us about an extraordinary recipe that surprisingly enhances immunity.

Look together all his favorite programs and stay nearby all the time. There is no dirty dishes anywhere and not washed floor. It is possible that only you see it. Turn at least one evening on the holiday and the opportunity for close communication.

Man win the heart of a woman is much easier. Bouquet of flowers, cute souvenir, gentle and nice words We will dismiss the heart of every woman.

If your husband is trying to focus on another chess move, do not try to brake it and complain that you are bored. It is possible that after a successful chess party, he inspired victory, it will be able to dispel your boredom in such a way that you love chess and maybe even start playing them.

If your spouse is passionate about the conversation with her friend, do not hurt to be offended and demanded that she cooked tea. Maybe the tightened conversation is also like it. Cook tea yourself and invite it to the table.

She will be grateful to you for understanding and patience. Maybe this your act will sincerely surprise. It is this surprise and bring their dividends. The next time, the spouse will try to postpone the unnecessary chatter.

Music family life Always requires the skill of the arranger. What notes take the duet participants depends only on them. Understand and help each other - the main terms of family life. Family and desire to keep love is a job on yourself. Daily and tireless, requested confidence and mutual understanding.

It is much more difficult to understand how to keep love and relationships, if treason has been drunk to you. Finished recipes does not exist. If there is forces, then you forgive the man. You can not accept treason. You can understand and forgive. But if you decide to cross this episode from your life, never come back to this topic.

It is possible that your spouse will most execute himself. Your constant reminder of his error can not only cause irritation, but also finally assure him that he once did it right. Become for your husband not only your favorite woman, but also a sincere and understanding friend.

For any woman, parting with her beloved becomes the most real blow, which leaves an indelible imprint for life. Of course, the most simple decision Will put everything on samonek. However, for the sake of a loved one, it is still worth attaching all possible efforts to stay nearby. How to save relationships and what recommendations will be the most effective in this case?

We put priorities and rethink our own principles

First of all, it will be necessary to carefully analyze the situation.. After all, it does not happen that the beloved person decides to leave just like that. All actions have their own certain reasons. As a rule, it turns out to be corrected much easier than it seemed initially.

To begin with, you will need to change your own principles:

1. Take your soul mate it is followed as it is.

2. Do not forget to praise your beloved for all his positive parties.

3. You need to find with your favorite person common life goals. If there are no such, then it is worth trying to preserve the relationship more thoroughly into the hobbies of her husband or a guy.

4. Support warm relations With all friends and relatives of the beloved.

5. If we are talking about really valuable relationships for a woman, then she must be ready to forgive his man's men.

Avoid critics - Men do not tolerate ridicule

If a woman from morning to evening falls asleep her beloved man reproach, then positive reactions in this case Do not wait. After all, who will be pleased if all his actions and actions will constantly succumb to doubts.

This is a particularly wanted place of men who, although they will be silent in response, but still hooked a huge insult and anger. Some, on the contrary, begin to pour in response offensive accusations. So start almost all family quarrels. But how to establish relationships in this case?

6. If your favorite makes anything wrong, in no case should not fall on him with insults. Men, as if children, are wounded creatures. Therefore, they should be correctly indicated on the noticeable disadvantages or simply silent and raise this topic after a certain time.

7. If the beloved decided to take up the repairs in the house, you should not immediately have a "wings" to him. Let him and not best Master in the world, however, we are talking about the chapter of the family who needs to increase its own self-assessment due to the implementation of this male work. If something is done poorly, you can always seek help from a specialist. However, it is worth it in the absence of a loved one.

8. This also applies to any undertakings in the work. If a man decided to change the scope of activities or do own businessIn this case (even if it looks unrealistic or absurd) it will definitely need to support and cheer.

9. Do not be afraid to praise your beloved even on trifles! He will definitely appreciate such attention to dignity, because it may be more pleasant than the understanding that his beloved woman appreciates and protects him.

We use female cunning

10. It is required to create an atmosphere of particular intimacy: it can be romantic dinner with candles joint adoption Baths with fragrant foam, movie view.

11. Always listen to the opinion of your beloved. Even if he is not right, he shouldn't speak directly about it.

12. If planned any joint events, their nuances should be stated with a man. So he will feel sought after.

13. Do not forget about yourself. Appearance Women has great value In any relationship with a man. It should be constantly monitoring own figure and wardrobe. Even at home it is necessary to look attractive and sexy. Formless balachons, disheveled hair and bags under the eyes only pushed the beloved person, making a relationship more intense and detached.

To fully understand how to establish relationships, you should start with the analysis of your own behavior. This will only be possible to come to a single solution. If everything remains unchanged, it exists great chance what is love man will leave Forever and irretrievably.

If you rest constantly to go about the partner, to indulge in everything, think about it - perhaps for you freedom at this stage of life more important relationship? If you feel that lose your personality in the relationship, then, most likely, it is better to get rid of such relationships.

How to resist your love time? How to save relationships? How to survive difficulties when the enthusiasm of the initial period ends? Here are 10 tips from leading American experts on love and sex.

Start love relationshipAs a rule, the easiest and pleasant part, but the notorious tests of time often cause real difficulties, and sometimes the break of the relationship. Yahoo Personals collected over 10 people who are considered leading American experts in matters of love so that they shared the recipes of happiness ..

1. Change tactics

Sometimes routine situations arise that cause anger and excessive tension. For example, when when you return home, we are already quite sure that we will find a dirty dishes in the sink and already prepare it in advance about this

Change tactics! Use a more friendly and positive tone for your struggle, possibly with a notice of irony. Do not forget to thank and pay tribute to your partner for any manifestation of the initiative.

Tony Coleman, a psychotherapist and an expert in matters of relationships, Virginia.

2. Physical contact

Complete kisses, hugs and sexual relations Simple gestures of love that bind two people. You can scattered to stroke the partner's hand while watching the TV or take it by the hand when you go on foot. These simple actions Assist to strengthen love and feel closer at the instinctive level.

3. Arrange all the points above "I"

It is important to explain in full what you would like to say about your differences without leaving space for misunderstanding and inexpensive. Repetition and parsing of home replicas is usually carried out on family therapy sessions.

Diana Kirschner (Diana Kirschner), psychologist and author of the book "Opening the Door Door" (Opening Love "s door)

4. Searchcompromise

When people take joint decisions, always try to find mutual languageFrom this point of view, it may be useful to record your priorities and needs, and then compare two list to find a common one. It can be useful, for example, if you choose where to spend your vacation together.

5. Be positive

There is more effective method Express your own complaints, not anger and abandoning too aggressive and unpleasant offensive tactics. Insert your remark between two praises. For example, take the case if you are annoyed by the fact that your partner hangs on the phone, while the finished dinner cools on the table. Note that its sociability with other people is a very attractive feature, but if he can implement it at another time, then you can safely dine together.

6. Listen and repeat

During the discussion, it is often an impression that you do not listen to your interlocutor. If you want to avoid this, it is useful to repeat it approval to show your concern and readiness for dialogue.

Ivonne Thomas (Yvonne Thomas), psychologist from Los Angeles

7. Love Disadvantages

Each person has its own fads, and you can try to accept them, instead of sharpen on them attention and annoy. For example, if your partner loves to shout during football Match The TV, you can reflect that he loves this sport, has a very temperamental character, and try to ask a positive direction of this problem.

Jennifer Okl(Jennifer Oikle), psychologist from Denver and expert on dating "Coupling Connection"

8. Support partner

We must always sense that the partner is on our side and supports us. This does not mean that the partner should always be right, but if the employer's reprimand upset him, there is nothing wrong with hug it and give to feel your support, even if you disagree with his vision of the situation.

Joann Magdoff (Joann Magdoff), psychotherapist from New York

9. Small gifts

Some partners believe that there is no need to give gifts without special occasionbut sometimes quite a favorite chocolate or love notesfound in his pocket. For this you do not need a lot of money, but this is attention that is proof of what you think about your partner, and do not take everything as proper.

Barton Goldsmith (Barton Goldsmith), Psychotherapist and the author of the book "Emotional Fitness for Couples" ("Emotional Fitness for Couples").

10. Nontrivial approach

No one can stay attractive for everyone. After you have lived together for several years, initial enthusiasm gradually fades and replaces his daily routine, so you need fresh ideas. For example, once a month unusual sentenceswho give novelty to your relationship: lunch in an ethnic restaurant, a trip to a concentration or a snowboarding lesson.

Jennifer Okl(Jennifer Oikle), psychologist from Denver and expert on dating "Coupling Connection"