What to do if a guy is cheating on you. True love. What lies give a man
Often, girls notice that the guy is constantly lying. What can be done in this case and how to react to it? The first step is to understand the reasons for the lie, and then take decisive action, then the soul will be calmer, and the problem will be solved very quickly.
If you believe psychologists, then all men are at least inclined to embellish reality a little, they all tend to lie, so you should not focus too much on this. However, most girls are very worried if a guy is lying. They do not know what to do in this case, and this only makes it worse.
Sometimes there is nothing behind a lie, but sometimes they want to dodge a direct answer and tell a lie. However, the fair sex react very sharply to even the smallest lies of their beloved. And they look to the future with horror, because they think that if a guy is constantly lying even on trifles, then what will happen next.
However, one should not be very upset, because according to the research of psychologists, if a young man lies even on trifles, then this speaks of his love. It is better to just forget about it, since it will be quite difficult to get to the bottom of the truth, since most males will blame all their blame on the girl, saying that she is forcing him to act in such a shameful way, which means that all responsibility lies solely with her.
Since not every girl can understand that a guy is lying, but you can develop this skill in yourself. It is enough to take into account the non-verbal signs. So, for example, when a person tells a lie, he often touches his face, in particular his nose.
Often, a guy lies to his beloved on trifles, because he does not want to offend her. For example, she asks him to do something, but he is lazy, here he is, and is forced to come up with an excuse.
The girl, in turn, knows that he lied, and it hurts her very much. But in this case, you can find a way out, you just need to agree with your young man that he will tell his beloved only the truth for a week, even if she is unpleasant to her.
And she, in turn, should not take offense at him and ridicule his arguments. If the girl can withstand this period of time and come to terms with this state of affairs, then you can leave everything as it is, and if not, then you need to return to the old scheme.
Thus, you can get rid of the problem of mistrust if the guy is lying. What to do in the event that a young man is cheating on his beloved and he constantly has new excuses for her? Here you should analyze the situation and understand whether you need a relationship in which there is no trust? If the answer is no, then you can safely part with the liar and try to find yourself a decent guy who will respect his beloved.
Often, men do not consider petty lies to be a crime, so this fact should be taken into account. In some situations, it is better to swallow the lies of a loved one than to part with him forever, so you need to close your eyes to his weakness and behave as if nothing had happened.
Many girls wonder why guys lie, but it's easier for them to live, and if they embellish reality, it is only so that the beloved sees him as a hero, and not an ordinary boyfriend. That is why, sometimes you can forgive your lover for this prank.
Dr. Lightman, a psychologist from Lie to Me, an equally popular telenovela, is just as obsessed with deception: he teaches us how to determine whether a person is lying or telling the truth. You know, but both pundits They are not paranoid at all, their obsession with lying is quite justified: in 10 minutes of conversation, we manage to lie to the interlocutor up to 10 times!
“What nonsense ?! I don't lie so much and often! " - most likely, such thoughts are spinning in your head. Do not rush to be indignant. Remember how to the question "Are you familiar with the work of this cult director?" you answered “Yes, of course,” just to avoid sounding ignorant, even though you’ve never seen his films. And any young lady, probably, more than once, with a breath, told her friend about a guy who tearfully begged her to leave her phone number, although in fact he just smiled sweetly at her at a party and noted that she looked good. And how boring many of our stories would be if we hadn't twisted the facts a little to make the story more fun! 5 donated roses turn into 15, a dress worth 10,000 rubles, depending on the circumstances, starts to cost 2 times more or less, a boring vacation is presented to colleagues as the most exciting event in your life - and all in order to get away from obsessive questions, or, on the contrary, draw attention to your person.
By the way, your faithful every day pours exactly the same portion of lies on you: the beer he has drunk rarely exceeds more than 3 cups, “some goat” is to blame for the scratch on the left fender of the car, although the door was clearly mutilated by none other than your Schumacher. And agree, in this case take the liar to clean water to nothing: he does not hide from you any terrible secrets, but simply lies a little, so as not to get scolded. However, the situation changes if in the stream of this meaningless lie hides real deception (for example, treason), designed to mislead you. In this case, you should not close your eyes to what is happening, it is better to use the techniques of Dr. Lightman and catch the liar. Do not listen to what he says to you, but watch how he behaves during the conversation: remember, a person can control words, but practically has no power over facial expressions and gestures. They are the ones who will tell the truth.
1. Touches himself
The whole evening he did not pick up the phone and did not answer your SMS, he came home long after midnight, when you were already asleep. In the morning, foaming at the mouth, he proves that he lingered on important meeting, the mobile sat down and there was no charger at hand. Watch his hands carefully: if during his monologue he fiddles with the watch bracelet, slightly squeezes his own elbow, strokes his knee or shoulder, most likely he is hiding something. Such manipulations are called "self-contact" gestures - they are designed to cheer up a person who is not sure that they will believe him. Remember how you patted your friend on the shoulder more than once when you wanted to help her muster up the strength to do something she was afraid of: go to the dentist's office, dial the number of the guy she liked, ask for a raise. Your faithful, in the absence of a friend who can instill confidence in him, is forced to help himself: his touches seem to say: "Don't worry, go on, everything will be fine, she won't suspect anything!"
2. Bites lips
"Where were you yesterday?" - you ask your lover who has gone on a spree in the night. “You will not believe, the old woman was attacked by a pack of stray dogs, they took the bagels from her, and I fought in an unequal battle with their leader until the morning! Granny gave me tea and sewed up my wounds! " - your captain Vrungel tells with inspiration and at the same time has a bite lower lip... Psychologists believe that this gesture indicates a discrepancy between words and deeds. The person himself does not believe in what he says, and subconsciously tries to keep his mouth shut so as not to let the truth break out.
3. Looks to the corner
Fans of the TV series "Lie to Me" know: if a person, answering a question posed, looks up to the right corner, he comes up with an answer on the fly; a glance to the left, on the contrary, suggests that the interlocutor remembers how the events actually took place. It would seem, given such features of facial expressions, you can easily bring a liar to clean water. However, not all so simple. If your liar prepared a legend in advance, answering you, he will remember his preparation, which means that even if he is telling a lie, his gaze will still go to the left. You can make him look in the other direction by catching the wrong one. Ask about something for which the faithful is completely unprepared. For example, you heard a story that yesterday he and his colleagues had dinner at a restaurant. Do not ask about what they ate, this question is predictable. Better find out on which floor in this restaurant there is a fireplace, because you and your friends have heard a lot about this place and want to next week book a table closer to the fire. Now take a close look at his eyes: if he was not in the restaurant and did not see any fireplace, he will have to think of something.
4. Blushes like a young lady
When people lie, as a rule, their blood pressure rises and their pulse quickens, because to one degree or another the liar experiences stress: he has to come up with something believable on the fly. Knowing about this feature human bodyDuring interrogations, investigators often use a device called a "polygraph" - it takes readings of blood pressure and heart rate when a suspect answers questions. Deviation from the norm is a reason to seriously doubt a person's sincerity. But you hardly have a lie detector lying among the kitchen utensils. Therefore, pay attention to the breathing of your faithful - if it has become more frequent, this is a sign that the man's pulse is "jumping". By the way, the desire to loosen or remove the tie during "interrogation" also speaks of a lack of air.
However, your conversation can take place in an informal setting, and, dressed in sweatshirts and a T-shirt, a liar cannot betray himself by nervously fiddling with a tie. In this case, this detail of the wardrobe will be replaced by his skin: when the pressure rises and blood rushes to the face, a blush appears in the cheekbones.
5. Bleats and hums
“Darling, it seems to me that you are not saying something. For some reason I don’t believe that you spent your evening writing your report. I called your office, but you didn’t pick up the phone! ” After your tirade, recently a verbose and eloquent man begins to strangely draw out words, hum, ekat and use great amount interjections: “Mmm… Well… You know, uh, how can I tell you… In fact…” Thus he plays for time: while you listen to his bleating, he frantically tries to come up with a convincing explanation. By the way, the same is evidenced by the complication of sentences: if in the course of a conversation the faithful suddenly reduced verbs to a minimum and began to use mainly adjectives, most likely he does not remember what happened yesterday, but feverishly comes up with a “legend”.
6. Stands by a pillar
"Darling, sit down and tell me what it was you were doing until two in the morning." But the faithful refuses your invitation. Begins to brew tea, cut circles around the room - in a word, does everything so as not to lower his butt point in the chair. This means that he cannot relax, he is uncomfortable talking about what is happening and he is hiding something. Sit down next to him, and an unpleasant conversation can drag on, which means that there will be a risk of giving himself away. By the way, if during a monologue a man steps back, you should be wary, because, according to psychologists, a step in the opposite direction from the interlocutor is a sign that the speaker does not believe himself. Keep in mind that if, instead of answering your question, the faithful runs away under any pretext (“The phone seems to ring,” “The TV exploded,” etc.), he does not know what to say and needs a break, for which he hopes to compose something.
He's lying!
- The lower lip is tucked in.
- The eyes look up to the right.
- Hands run over the body.
- The cheekbones were reddened.
- Breathing is uneven.
- Speech is replete with interjections and adjectives.
Man and woman are creatures with different planets, and this is one of the main reasons for the conflicts between them. Often they cannot agree on anything, and therefore suffer and worry. Quarrels like these are often the cause of relationship breakdown. The problem is especially acute if the husband is constantly lying.
In order to get rid of conflicts and improve relationships, you should figure out why your husband is lying, and then find ways to solve this problem.
How to know if a man is lying
How to understand that a man is lying? Deception is most likely present if attempts to find out something lead to the fact that the man begins to joke and turn the conversation to another topic. Others clear sign is confusion in descriptions and explanations.
Here are some more tips on how to tell if your husband is cheating. A man can become taciturn and secretive - this should be paid close attention to, especially if this change has occurred abruptly.
Another factor that may indicate that he has tricked you is setting passwords on your phone, computer, etc. Constant attempts to remove the phone from sight can also indicate that the man is trying to hide something.
Excessive focus and aggression - sure signsthat something is wrong. Have strong half of humanity, they often serve as models of defensive behavior. If a person feels that he is guilty, then he can either overreact to all the actions of a woman, or, on the contrary, begin to surround her with care, which was completely unusual for him before.
We emphasize that all these reactions should be paid attention only if they are usually not inherent in this person... Also consider: when does a man lie? This often happens when a woman does not understand him. Maybe you yourself are behaving in such a way that you provoke deception on the part of your partner?
Be that as it may, what to do if the husband is constantly lying? We'll talk about this further in this article.
How to solve the problem of cheating on the part of a man
Why does my husband lie all the time? What are the reasons for this? Why is he doing this? And if the husband is lying, what to do?
Try these tips to eliminate deception without conflict:
1. To begin with, stop constantly monitoring the man. Begin to respect the other person's personal space. You probably also won't like it if someone calls every hour or prying your friends about where you were yesterday. Perhaps nothing of the kind happened, and you start to play a "tragedy".
2. Then the most correct step will be to try to talk "heart to heart" and find the reason. But here it is important to remove unnecessary emotions and not go too far. Also, plan the conversation ahead of time so that you can choose the most appropriate one for it. the right time and place. Try to approach the problem gently, do not focus your attention on it.
4. It will be especially difficult to find out that a man is cheating if he does not feel guilty. Perhaps, in this case, he is indifferent to the woman who is next to him. This means that talking with him, most likely, is not worth it - it is better to draw the appropriate conclusions and leave.
5. If the deception was single, then just calmly ask your partner about it and ask him not to do it again. Maybe the reason is in the character of the person, and he can fix it. Try to build trusting relationships where the untruth simply cannot take root.
6. Sometimes human problems are associated with certain mental phenomena. In this case, psychology will help, you will need the help of a psychologist. How to tell if this is your case? It is best to consult a specialist - for a start, you can only, without a man.
It should be understood that there is different attitude to deception. Some people believe that lying can be helpful if you need to calm someone down or help recuperate. Others say that you should never lie categorically. In any case, you need to decide what to do if your husband is lying.
He lies - it means that he does not love you
Why do men lie to women? The thought often arises that if a man is constantly lying, it means that he is cheating or does not love. But this is not always the case. After all, there are many reasons for deception. So, this includes "lying for salvation." Perhaps the man is just worried about you, so he does not want to upset and share some unpleasant information for you.
The presence of understatement is also sometimes directed towards your benefit. Maybe this is really so, or the man just thinks so. In any case, he does not wish you harm. Perhaps this is concern for you, or he simply lies on trifles and does not even perceive it as a lie. And in general, is he lying? Think about it.
The husband may not lie at all, but simply not want to discuss his or someone else's problems. This is a natural human right, and one should not be offended because of this. Also, a person is sometimes inclined to exaggerate and dramatize the situation, often because of his character or vivid imagination, and then the best way out is to simply accept and not think about it.
But if the husband is lying all the time, even on trifles, then it is worth dealing with the reasons for this, trying not to blame the partner without good reason. It is always better to ask directly about everything than to be offended for days or even months at what is not clear.
Often, getting into such vicious circle, partners break off relations. But you could just figure out the causes of the problems. But seeing no other way out, people often choose the simplest, but painful way - they leave.
Another model of behavior is when a spouse lives all her life next to a man who lies, and she suffers because of this. How to behave in this case? First, ask yourself if this suits you. If the relationship cannot be clarified and corrected, then the only way out is to disperse. Maybe it's just not your partner. Author: Natalia Zorina
Of course, women really don't like it when their husbands lie, especially if it happens on a regular basis. What can be done to wean a loved one from this bad habit and return him to the path of righteousness and virtue? There are several ways, but first you need to find out the reason why the husband does not want to tell his wife the truth. This can be either a habit that a man "contracted" in childhood, or a deliberate lie, when the spouse categorically does not want his other half to be aware of his big and small secrets.
To rid her husband of constant lies, a woman should choose one of the following tactics:
1. Sometimes, in a relationship with a lying spouse, a scandal arranged by his faithful may be effective. Moreover, some women themselves get pleasure from this process and consider it to be an effective influence on the husband's behavior. But in fact, scandals have a short-term effect on the lying spouse, who, after such a storm of emotions, thrown out on him by his wife, may hide for a while, but later will start to lie again, and more sophisticatedly, more carefully thinking over every word he said to his wife, so that do not fall for lies.
2. A woman can mirror the lie to her husband and tell her own lie in response to his lie. Over time, a man will understand why this is happening and reflect on his behavior. Most of the stronger sex hate it when their significant other lies, and in this case, the woman will do it for show. A man will have no choice but to sit down with his beloved for " round table”And during the negotiations to dot all the i's and stop mutual lies.
3. Accept your spouse as he is. All normal men want to be loved and understood by their wives. They enjoy it when the other half is happy about their success and shares their hobbies. Do not "nag" your husband if he is going to football match... Better go to the stadium with him. If he is tired after work and decided to lie in front of the TV, hug him and lie down next to him, preferably in silence. If he wants, he will speak to you himself. Does your husband like to collect model airplanes or trains? Give him a construction kit as a gift. Such an understanding and caring wife is unlikely to want to lie.
4. Finally, be honest with him. Without trusting relationship It is impossible to build happiness in a family. Both parties should be open to dialogue, only in this case mutual understanding can be achieved. If you find fault with your husband for the most innocent lies or bragging, you will achieve nothing more than his isolation in himself and unwillingness to tell you about anything. If a woman trusts a man, then it will be easier for him to tell the truth, no matter how unpleasant or contradictory it may be.
How often women complain that men are deceiving them! They try to fight this in every possible way, look for reasons why the representatives of the strong half of humanity lie ... We will try to find out in what cases men cheat and why they need it.
Lies are different. Sometimes it is practically "vital" and is called "a lie for salvation", sometimes it is unjustified. But whatever the reason for the deception, the deception itself is extremely offensive to the woman.
"Why is he lying?", "He doesn't trust me?", "Does he think I'm a complete fool?" - similar phrases in female conversation is by no means uncommon.
Men prefer not to answer such questions, avoid the conversation in every possible way or bring it to nothing in a joking tone. But to hear the truth about male lies, oh, how you want!
Reason # 1. Lies for salvation
Imagine the following situation. Late in the evening or early in the morning, the guy returns home, where he will have a not very pleasant conversation with his wife on the topic “Where have you been?”.
What the heck! I carry everything on me everyday problems, and this type, for whom I once had the misfortune to marry, hangs around it is not clear where, it is not clear with whom.
The crime is likely to be followed by punishment. Unpleasant conversation in a raised voice, periodically turning into swearing, weaning from bed, the threat to pick up the children and go to their mother, and so on.
Therefore, until the young man has lost the ability to think, it makes sense to come up with a plausible explanation that would satisfy both her and him.
For example, at the end of the working day, the boss loaded up urgent work. Or - yes, I drank, but because they celebrated the boss's birthday; resolved issues with the customer; our firm was visited by the Premier; and not at all because Vasya's friend called closer to dinner and, referring to hard life, offered to swell.
And certainly not because he met with beautiful girl and took her to the bar to wash the acquaintance.
Then, perhaps, the wife will understand that she was told a lie, or rather, not the whole truth, but by that time she will have time to “cool down”.
Do you remember how Bill Clinton denied his relationship with Monica Lewinsky?
- Was a bitch?
- Not.
- Yes? And what is this, if not s * ks?
- I do not know…
It is not for nothing that the people say that if you are not caught, you are not a thief. Sometimes, even if the evidence is against it, it makes sense to deny everything. For the sake of everyone's peace.
Reason # 2. Lying to keep a good relationship
It happens all the time. Only, if in the first case a man resorted to deception solely in the interests of self-preservation, now he knows in advance that he will sin, knows in advance what awaits him, and therefore prepares in advance to "play ahead of the curve."
Almost like in that joke: I tell my wife that I am going to my mistress, my mistress - that I am going to my wife, and myself - to the attic and work, work, work ...
For example, one of my acquaintances every time before going to sea with another mistress, tells his wife that he is going on a business trip.
Reason # 3. Lying in the name of love or to gain access to the body
The plot, described many times in classical literature and sung in folk songs.
About such things with early years repeat caring mothers and grandmothers. And how many series have been filmed on this topic! He promised to marry. She allowed him a lot. He dodged and threw. So trust men after that. And how do you like this plot: he dodged and abandoned. After that, having safely walked the vacation, he returned to his native military unit... A telegram came after him.
Girl and her loving parents urged the young womanizer to marry, promising otherwise to write a statement of rape.
Faced with a difficult choice "To the zone or to the registry office" and not wanting to tempt fate, the guy chose the second option. So it is not for nothing that they say that every action gives rise to opposition.
Reason number 4. So that the wife (girlfriend, mother, aunt) is not nervousEveryone knows the ability of women to dramatize the situation. And if something really goes wrong ...
Do you know what killed the most people in all kinds of disasters? That's right, from panic.
So sometimes it really makes sense to hide the truth and look for a way out of a difficult situation on your own.
I remember when in the third grade I managed to get a “bad” behavior, I didn’t say anything to my grandmother, I even safely hid my certificate.
No, the whole truth cannot be told to women. As well as load with your problems.
Reason # 5. Lying to improve your status
Probably the nicest kind of deception. A man, like a peacock, spreads his tail, and at the same time "rubs" the lady, how cool he is.
It is certainly better to be healthy and rich than poor and sick. Who are our women most likely to fall for? On generous men, counting on the fact that they will be kept or, at worst, given expensive gifts.
On the "tough guys", "real macho". At worst, on unrecognized geniuses with unusual abilities. However, if none of this is there, it doesn't matter, you can think of it, there would be a desire.
Of course, a girl who lives with a guy in the same yard and knows him from childhood is unlikely to be able to lead in such a primitive way, but everyone else ...
An anecdote is involuntarily recollected.
New York. A couple comes into the coolest fur store - a gorgeous blonde and a shabby, unattractively dressed peasant.
- Give me the smartest, most expensive fur coat, - he declares, and when the goods arrive, he asks to write a check.
- You see, - says the seller, - today is Friday and already evening, the bank will not have time to check the availability of money in your account. Therefore, leave us your account number and address, our courier will bring the goods on Monday.
- Good, - agrees the "buyer".
On Monday, the man comes to the same store again.
- Shame on you! - the seller pounces on him. - There is not a dime in your bank account.
“You see, I came to say thank you for the most enjoyable weekend of my life.
To be honest, a lot of guys have a habit of exaggerating a little. The size of the salary, position in society, sports and other achievements ... But some in their lies go very, very far.
Sometimes a person comes up with a different family, a different biography, in a word, a different life, and so much gets used to the image that he himself begins to believe in all this.
Therefore, one should not be surprised that so many illegitimate children of oligarchs, special forces officers, combatants, talented athletes wander across the expanses of the CIS. brilliant career whom the ridiculous trauma crossed out, the brothers who miraculously survived the gangster showdown and other outstanding personalitiesthat arouse genuine interest among the fair sex.
As I said before, this kind of deception is the most enjoyable. And he feels good, and she. Sometimes a girl guesses that she is being led by the nose, but pretends that everything is fine so as not to spoil the relationship.
Reason # 6. Lying to gain access to the wallet
This type of deception is the most dangerous for both sides.
For a woman - because it is fraught with immediate danger to her wallet, and sometimes to her real estate. For a man - because formally falls under the criminal code. However, it is sometimes, oh, how difficult it is to prove the fact of fraud.
As in the previous case, the man skillfully plays the role of another person. Generous, decent and wealthy. People's Deputy, businessman, director large firm, a retired intelligence general, a thief in law who retired and decided to do charity work. Whoever likes it more.
Sometimes these guys bred a lady for money and quickly carry off their feet, sometimes they bring the matter not only to bed, but also to the registry office, and only leave after making sure that there is nothing else to take. However, for them, s * ks is not the main thing, a means, but certainly not a goal.
As Ostap Bender said, "I will marry her in order to calmly rummage in a chair." As excellent psychologists, such guys easily get in touch with future victims and easily gain their trust. But, as a rule, a little problem arises afterwards. For example, a man “lost his credit card” or “the tax office closed his current account”.
Now tell me, dear ladies, just honestly and frankly, to whom would you more willingly lend: an unemployed adventurer or a “new Russian” who “had temporary difficulties”?
Of course, he will give the money later, no question, and even thank you - he will help to get a job on high paying job, to buy a chic foreign car at a ridiculous price, takes you to an expensive resort, and maybe even combines a legal marriage.
But this is later, in a bright future. As for the money, it is urgently needed now ... .. How to protect yourself? See who you are contacting and periodically turn on your brains.
Moreover, very often the swindlers are specifically "brought in" (remember Khlestakov). At first he is just a businessman, then it turns out that he is on short leg with Chubais himself (Abramovich, Berezovsky), and the door to the State Duma opens exclusively from his feet.
From time to time the guy calls someone. He arranges a scolding, asks to resolve issues, and most importantly, mentions the names of high-ranking persons whose names are heard.
Then it turns out that he doesn't even have the money to pay the waiter (forgot his wallet in the room), but don't think, he's really cool and in two weeks will take you to Hawaii.
In case you are in doubt, a crook in front of you or a decent person, I can recommend the following. Calmly listen to everything he says, but only until you are required to pay money. Then just get up and leave without going into lengthy explanations.
After all, what difference does it make to what the person you see for the first and last time thinks of you? Regardless of age, external data, marital status and the size of the annual income, you do not owe anything to anyone.
Probably, there are men who speak the truth, only the truth and nothing but the truth, but I just don't know whether to envy them or sympathize with them.
It should be noted that women also resort to deception. Perhaps even, due to natural artistry, they do it, at least, not worse. As for deceived women, then, as world experience shows, a woman is most easily deceived when she herself wants it.
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