The relationship between a man and a woman. The beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman. Women and men are inhabitants of different planets - this is a long-established fact.
The content of the article:
Family partnerships are a rather unusual way for ordinary people to organize their personal life... With him, communication in a pair occurs on an equal footing, which allows you to quickly resolve any emerging conflict. However, one should not rush to conclusions that we are talking about ideal family... Any marriage implies the presence of many pitfalls, the danger of which must be dealt with.
What is family partnerships
Most traditional models families are matriarchy and patriarchy. In the first variant of building relationships in marriage, the woman dominates. She rules both openly and in a veiled form. Under patriarchy, the roles change, because in the family everything is decided by the man.
Partnership implies complete equality, when the spouses plan their joint life together. Some skeptics believe that such a family lacks warm feelings and everything is based on a banal calculation. However, this opinion is very superficial, because a marriage in a voiced format is often strong and happy. First of all, we are talking about an alliance between individuals that took place in emotionally.
One of the most worthy example similar relationships is the marriage of Fyodor Dostoevsky and his wife Anna. It was with mutual respect that their romance began, which lasted 14 years until the death of the great writer.
The organization of such communication between a husband and wife occurs according to a certain scheme:
- Round table meeting... Before the start life together you need to take time to talk to each other in calm atmosphere... At the same time, communication should take place between spouses without interfering with the dialogue of representatives of the older generation of the family.
- Distribution of duties... V in this case it is recommended to come to general agreement by examining the strengths and weaknesses of the husband and wife. A representative of the sterner sex can also stand at the stove, if he is able to cook delicious dishes... His wife, having a personal transport, is quite capable of loading groceries from the cart into the car without the help of the other half.
- Discussion of the rights and freedoms of partners... The voiced question must be unambiguously put on the agenda at the beginning married life... It is because of the disagreement that most of the quarrels and scenes of jealousy occur in him. Initially, the inviolability of each other's personal space should be envisaged, but taking into account the absence of a fertile ground for free relationship without obligations.
- Voicing of all current problems... After all the main aspects of the partnership have been identified, it should be agreed that any arising crisis situation should in mandatory discussed at the family council.
Pros and cons of partnerships
Before planning your family life, it is necessary to consider the advantages and disadvantages of the chosen model of behavior in marriage. Equality on the basis of gender made it possible to forget about the homebuilding to which our ancestors were accustomed. Therefore, you need to think about a democratic approach when creating a family.
Benefits of partnerships
TO obvious pluses such a marriage can be attributed to the following aspects that make it happy union men and women:
- Responsibility for relationships... If everything is agreed upon in advance, then serious conflicts rarely arise in such a family. Usually, partnerships are chosen by people who have taken place as individuals and have a certain life experience. Consequently, they will realize the importance of their marriage, while protecting their love and understanding.
- No power struggles... In a family where there is no pronounced leader, none of the spouses will try to assert themselves at the expense of their partner. Democracy is the foundation of such a relationship, which is reasonably good in some cases.
- Creation of trust... If the couple constantly discusses all the burning issues, then this fact helps to eliminate secrets and omissions between the spouses. Only with trust can a marriage last long years even if the passion has cooled.
- No quarrels over trifles... When serious things are discussed in advance, there is simply no conflict over trifles. Statistics say that out of ten marriages, six later break up. Half of these sad everyday stories concerns divorces due to inability to get along when solving an insignificant issue.
- A correct example for children... In a family where the dictates of mom or dad reign, rarely grows up happy child... The harmonious relationship of parents instills confidence in their offspring. Such children usually make excellent husbands and wives in the future.
Attention! Any family becomes a role model if love, trust and mutual respect reign in it. It is the described relations that fully correspond to such a high bar.
Disadvantages of partnerships
However, not always everything looks rosy when it comes to the union of two loving hearts... The development of partnerships can be detrimental to harmony in a couple for the following reasons:
- Difficult moments in negotiations... Quite often it is easier to say than to put your words into practice. There are in the world soul mates but not exactly the same thinking people... It can be difficult, and sometimes impossible, to come to a compromise when drafting a family charter.
- Different temperaments of the spouses... It is more difficult for a choleric person to build partnerships than a phlegmatic person who is cold on emotions. The melancholic is prone to emotional breakdowns, which can also prevent him from establishing contact with a partner. If a couple is quite satisfied with a different model of building a family, then experimenting is not worth it.
- Different approach to budget planning... Some people base their thoughts on this on the example of their own parents. In their families, the immutable law was the decision of all financial issues one of the parents. With this reasoning, the couple may break up if it comes to partnerships.
- Unseen circumstances... In case of equality in decision-making, the couple should be consulted on each issue. However, life often dictates such conditions that it can be difficult to do this when a problem suddenly arises. The habit of being one with your partner in all thoughts can play a cruel joke in a critical situation.
Contraindications to family partnerships
There are couples in whom such zeal will definitely end in divorce. It will not be possible to become a full partner with people with the following behavior model and character warehouse:
- Authoritarian personalities... For such persons, the word "equality" is an absurd definition of the relationship between a man and a woman. It is almost impossible to convince people with such a position. A person who is accustomed to obeying a dictator from childhood will feel more or less comfortable next to them.
- Adherents traditional family ... The very notion of "partnership" will provoke a fierce protest from them. According to them, in the family, dad is a breadwinner, king and God. It is his decisions that must be the ultimate truth, to which the wife and children must listen.
- Erratic people... This is especially true of hysterical ladies who, exclusively through scandals, try to defend their point of view. Even a calm conversation annoys them, because they cannot get rid of their quarrelsomeness.
- Lovelier men... They cleverly turn partnerships into promiscuity if they have legal spouse... They have enough cynicism to tell her that she can afford an affair on the side. This family model is clearly not suitable for such dubious pleasure seekers. They should not at all marry and make the woman they like unhappy.
Family partnership rules
When planning a life together, you must adhere to the following aspects of a democratic relationship:
- Respect for each other... In most cases, women experience discrimination. The days of matriarchy are long gone, so rarely a lady takes a leading position in the house. An exceptionally successful business woman can afford to be a leader with a husband who has not taken place in life. A partnership is about equality when both spouses respect each other. One of them may lose his job, which should not affect the microclimate in the couple.
- Show interest in a partner... In the evenings, psychologists advise making it a tradition to publish small reports about the day lived. At the same time, they should not turn into interrogation with addiction. Spouses who are really dear to each other will always be interested in the affairs of their soul mate.
- Eradication of jealousy... In this case, one recalls the legendary words of Caesar, who responded to the accusations against his wife that she was always above suspicion. It is trust that should form the basis of partnerships.
- Finding a common goal... The tandem of loving hearts will fall apart if the spouses do not have similar views on life. Without planning a joint future, any partnership is out of the question. Such a family model presupposes not only equality, but also a clear understanding of the prospects for the development of relations.
- Dialogue contact... If a monologue is constantly present in conversations, then we are talking about patriarchy or matriarchy. People need to hear each other to understand needs loved one... Dialogue as equals is the basis of partnership.
- Financial equity... People who strive for unity of thought in marriage should lead a common family budget... Ideally, it is recommended to contribute all the money earned to it, and then jointly decide where and for what purposes to distribute them.
- A unified approach to parenting... In partnerships, it is important to correctly treat the pedagogical influence on the younger generation. The requirements of dad and mom in relation to their child should be the same in order to avoid further conflicts on this basis.
If a couple has a chance to create a democratic family, then psychologists can suggest spouses to use the following exercises:
- "Ice and Fire"... For its implementation, the husband and wife are given markers, pens and sheets of paper. The essence of the assignment is to voice 10 character traits of a person who can be called an exemplary family man on one side of the sheet. In the second column, spouses should identify the behavior of the person that can destroy the marriage. Then the lists are checked, after which markers are drawn around similar positions in the couple's reasoning and a summary is summed up. It is done in the form of questions from a psychologist regarding what this exercise gave for understanding the democratic model of the family.
- Scenes from life... The specialist offers each of the spouses, with the help of facial expressions and gestures, to show his soul mate any situation in which the husband and wife take part. Themes of such performances should relate directly to partnerships in which there is no diktat.
- Conversation of the blind with the deaf... This exercise is quite difficult to perform, but it brings excellent result... One of the spouses puts earplugs into their ears, and the other blindfolds. In this case, the couple needs to discuss in this state the nearest plans for the future.
What is family partnerships - see the video:
A partnership between a woman and a man is a mutual desire of the spouses to maintain trust and love in the family. Each couple has the right to decide for themselves how to arrange their life. Statistics show that some spouses cannot accept an equal partnership and break up after a year, and some meet old age together.
The relationship between a man and a woman occupies us throughout our lives. One way or another, we have to learn to build and maintain these relationships. Some of us manage it easier, others more difficult, but it is absolutely certain that no one succeeds in building happy relationship without hard work. Moreover, recent times statistics are such that it is more and more difficult for men and women to build and maintain a family. There are several reasons for this, and we will touch on some of them in our discussion.
Why is it so difficult for us men to understand women? How are their emotions, desires, thinking arranged? How can we learn to behave so as not to swear, so that they understand what we want and what is important to us? First of all, it must be remembered that the relationship of two people is the relationship between the two and this relationship a certain quality... Those who think that I treat her "well" and she treats me "badly" are greatly mistaken. The energy and emotions that exist between you are the same for both, you both create this diversity, regardless of how much you are aware of your behavior, actions and yourself. If one thinks that the other does not trust him, but says the opposite to himself, then he is again mistaken. Trust exists BETWEEN people, as one of the qualities of their connection, it is what it is and is the same in relation to both partners, regardless of the opinion of one of them. The same can be said for other aspects of your relationship. Respect, for example, is either there or not in a relationship between two people. Someone who truly respects ( any quality can be inserted) his partner will never accuse him of not respecting the first. But the problem is that many of us, regardless of our gender, sincerely think that we really love, appreciate, respect and trust our partner. This happens because we often do not know ourselves and try not to notice (displace) those qualities that are not acceptable in ourselves. And our partner shows them to us like in a mirror, which usually annoys and makes us angry. So, thanks to our partner we have a unique opportunity to see ourselves, and especially those sides of ourselves that we try not to look at. As a rule, this is unconscious in nature and causes a lot of emotions and conflicts that can lead to alienation, and can lead to rapprochement, of course, if you understand its causes and the qualities that gave rise to it. In fact, partnerships are the best, but also the most difficult, way to know and change yourself.
We are similar to each other. There is a Law of Similarity in the Universe. It says: like attracts like. The meeting of two people and the further building of relations is not something accidental. Only people similar to each other can be attracted and become interesting to each other. We intuitively, subconsciously reach out to a person similar to us. Of course, we may have different hobbies, preferences, but by nature we will definitely be close. Especially when it comes to acquaintances, which later develop into a serious relationship. At the same time, we largely complement each other, moreover, each of the partners has such qualities that the other lacks. If one is chatty, the other will be reserved; one is honest, the other is deceitful; the first is selfish, the second is altruist; if one is a victim, then the other will certainly be a tyrant. A partnership is a system in which everything strives for balance. Therefore, if one partner "took" on himself some quality, then the other will take the opposite in order to balance it. And the further one goes to the extreme, the stronger than the second goes to another. So, for example, the victim generates (finds) his tyrant and vice versa. To get rid of this dichotomy, it is necessary at least for someone to psychologically shift to "average" behavior, to abandon extremes in their position, to find the golden mean and the other partner will unknowingly do the same. In fact, this is the only way to change the behavior of another for the better, to change yourself. Otherwise, for example, when parting, in following relationships the same difficulties await us that we had in the previous ones, and not because we are unlucky, but because we ourselves unconsciously generate them.
The more harmonious we ourselves become, the more harmonious relationship with the people around us. For some Aboriginal tribes, relationships with other people are the main criterion for determining inner harmony and the purity of a person.
Since our loved one has those strengths, which we do not have, then he acts as a teacher for us, from whom we can learn this, as he is with us, respectively. In fact, we are the most valuable teachers for each other, and our task is to realize this and begin to change.
Relationship conflict. Attitudes toward conflict vary greatly from person to person. Someone is trying with all his might to avoid them, and someone openly conflicts, while some still break something, break and launch into each other. How does it relate to conflicts in relationships? First of all, you should remember that the longer you postpone the showdown (if such a need is already ripe), the harder it will be. There are a lot of little things that we try not to notice, not to react, however, in this way, we kind of “sweep it under the rug,” but it never disappears without a trace. When a heap of “rubbish” accumulates “under the carpet”, then it is already uncomfortable for us to walk on it, we stumble and fall, and in the end we pick it up and begin to “clean up” everything. As long as you try not to notice what you do not like, it finds its corner in your heart and you no longer manage to be sincere, truly loving and open. Because if you open up completely, then, first of all, the negative will come out, and until it is thrown out by you, there is no need to talk about any positive. In this sense, the conflict is highest point release of repressed feelings and energy, it has a huge potential for the development of relationships. Thanks to the conflict, we enter into a very close emotional interaction and, finally, allow ourselves to experience those sides of ourselves that we do not give a place in. Everyday life... Conflicting, we become more aggressive, we begin to defend our interests, we say that we actually have them too and we also want something from a partner, we express our claims and expectations from the other. Often this happens precisely in a conflict form, since for some reason, we cannot do this calmly and in a timely manner, crushing and displacing (while destroying our mental and physical health).
Conflict is a great teacher for ourselves as well. In it we can see (if we look both ways) our "shadow" side, those qualities and emotions that are suppressed, but certainly want to be shown and find their worthy place in everyday life. For example, if you do not show your purely enough male qualities(concreteness, masculinity, toughness, confidence, strength, passion, etc.), then in conflict situation they "climb" outward in a multiply enlarged form. And if you notice what exactly is happening to you in the conflict, you will understand what exactly in yourself needs to be given more space in everyday life. Otherwise, constantly hiding it, it will explode someday and will certainly find its way out, often painful. By the way, it's interesting that sex is the same story. How we behave in sex is not entirely controllable. That is, what you are in sex needs to be brought into everyday life. Because if it does not find a way out there, it will find it in sex (and / or in conflict). This is not necessarily aggression, but also affection, tenderness, playfulness, passivity or activity, uncontrollability, passion, haste, etc. For example, if intercourse is very short and fast, then it is likely that you are somewhere strong in everyday life. " slow down. " It may well be psychologically, regarding understanding something, making a decision, changing yourself in some aspect, in general, somewhere you are stuck and you need to look for where.
Do not be afraid to bring into life all the qualities that we find during lovemaking or being in conflict. When they appear in everyday life in a safe way, they make us more natural and relationships more sincere and open.
Each of us is equally responsible for our relationship. That is 50/50. We create any problem with our partner together (no matter how we think), just that unconscious contribution that we ourselves made, we, as a rule, do not take into account and blame others for everything (or, on the contrary, we only blame ourselves).
Another very interesting moment. Our relationship to another person absolutely reflects our relationship to ourselves. Only by respecting yourself can you respect the other. If we constantly criticize or condemn the other, then we treat ourselves in the same way, without even noticing it. With this in mind, we open up a huge field for self-knowledge and self-change. It is enough to stop criticizing and condemning yourself on every occasion, and you will automatically stop doing this in relation to your loved ones (and to everyone else).
The only way to change the relationship of another person is to change yourself.
There are many other aspects that we have to deal with in a relationship that we have not talked about today. Ask your questions, I will try to answer them in other articles.
Psychologist, Zhuravchak Stepan
A man experiences himself imperfect in the face of a woman, and since he, as a man, lacks a woman, he is drawn to a woman, and a woman experiences herself imperfect in the face of a man, and since she, as a woman, lacks a man, she is drawn to a man. Since each lacks the other, they are drawn to each other. For both, this is a great energetic thrust. So, a man only becomes a man when he takes a woman as his wife, and a woman only becomes a woman when she takes a man as her husband. If they become a couple, then because of this, their relative gravity becomes more than before. Have married man more specific gravity than unmarried, and married woman a greater proportion than that of an unmarried woman. This is a rule, and there are exceptions here too, as there are other ways to achieve this weight.
So, a man has something that a woman does not have, and a woman has something that a man does not have. They are equal to each other in lack and in the ability to give something important to another and complement the other.
For a relationship in a pair between a man and a woman to fulfill what they promise, a man must be a man and remain a man, and a woman must be a woman and remain a woman. If a man develops in himself feminine beginning, then he no longer needs a woman, and if a woman develops a masculine principle in herself, then she no longer needs a man. There is a book called something like "I consider myself so wonderful, why am I still single?" Because it feels so wonderful. If he knew that he was missing something very essential, he would look for a partner. If a person realizes himself, absorbing what belongs to opposite sex, then he condemns himself to a single life and loneliness. Therefore, many men and women who develop the qualities of the opposite sex live alone and are self-sufficient.
a) Refusal of the other sex in oneself
Relationships in a couple are based on mutual compulsion and on the rejection of the other sex in oneself. A man must refuse to assimilate the feminine as something of his own and to possess it, as if he could become or be a woman himself. A woman must refuse to assimilate the masculine as something personal and possess it, as if she could become or be a man herself, and in the full, including the physical sense.
To be a man, a man must give up the woman in himself and allow the woman to give it to herself, and vice versa. Both must agree with their limitations, and then they become capable of relationships, because then they are dependent on each other and can complement each other.
b) Equality as a prerequisite for long-term partnerships
According to system sequence goes first order between husband and wife, followed by order between parents and children and between children and parents. And finally there is the order of the clan, and the order of free unions. In our personal development, we are first children and members of the clan. Since this is very tied and burdens us, we often switch to unload on freely chosen alliances in order to have a counterbalance. Later comes the relationship in a couple and, finally, the relationship between parents and children. The relationship in a couple and the relationship between parents and children are therefore the most recent for us. Therefore, most of the earlier orders are poured into them, and this can affect as a hindrance to the order of these relations.
Common to both the child's relationship with the parents and between husband and wife is the need for affection, belonging and duration. Partners bring to the relationship in a pair something from the relationship with own parents that they received and learned in abundance there, so that now they can pass it on to their equal partner and their own children.
Partnerships are based on the premise of equality. Both partners are equally good and bad in what they have and in what they lack. In partnership, two equals come together, and any attempt to behave either as parents or as completely subordinate and dependent children leads to crises.
If one of the partners seeks to fulfill in partnership his need for attachment and belonging in the same way as the child in relation to the parents (for example, expecting to receive from the partner the same security that only parents can give their children), then the order of this partnership burdened or disturbed. In this case, he does not allow the exchange and compensation to take place, which correspond to the relationship between adults. And then the next crisis usually ends with the one on whom too high expectations were directed, moving away or leaving. And rightfully so, for by transferring order from childhood to partnership, he makes excessive demands on the other. If, for example, a husband says to his wife: “I cannot live without you” or: “If you leave, I will commit suicide, then life will lose all meaning for me,” then the wife needs to leave. The partnership will fail, because by this he makes another completely unbearable demand, and no one person is able to withstand it for a long time. If the child says this to his parents, then this is appropriate, since the child quite justifiably feels dependent on the parents. And although there is also a deep attachment in a partnership (for example, one that arises from physical intimacy), it has a different quality from the child's attachment to his parents.
Partnership is also threatened when one of the partners, remembering the rights that parents have in relation to children, behaves as if he has the right to educate the other, and believes that in some areas he should “educate” the other. And since the other partner had all this once before, this is the most Right way get rid of it. It is not surprising if, in such a case, he, like a child, avoids pressure and seeks relief and compensation outside of partnership. Power games arise between marriage partners primarily when one is perceived by the other as a parent or is tempted to turn the other into a mom or dad.
The next thing that relates to the order between husband and wife is that a man wants a woman to be his wife, and a woman wants a man to be his husband. In addition, it is important that such an exchange arises between them, in which both give and take equally. For such an exchange to take place, both of them must give what they have and take what they lack. That is, a man gives himself to a woman for husbands and takes her as a wife; but a woman gives herself to a man for wife and takes him to be husbands.
Relationships as a couple are performed like a baroque concert. Above, the variety of the most beautiful melodies rings, and among them bass cntnu, which leads and carries the melodies, giving them weight and fullness. In partnership, bass cntnu sounds: “I take you, I take you, I take you. I take you as my husband and give myself as your wife. I give myself to you as a husband and I take you as a wife. I take you lovingly and give myself. "
c) A woman follows a man, and a man must serve a woman
The relationship between a man and a woman is then successful when a woman follows a man. This means that she follows him into his family, into his locality, into his circle, into his language, into his culture, and she agrees that the children also follow him there. To understand the difference, you just need to compare those families in which the woman follows the man, and the children follow the father, with those in which the husband follows his wife and children follow the mother. If a man, for example, enters a family through marriage, then he follows his wife. This does not lead to fulfilled relationships, the relationship then does not go well, because the man cannot open up there. I am describing what I saw here. Perhaps there are also opposite examples. I am ready to hear about them with pleasure. Until now, I have not seen this yet.
True, here, too, there is some kind of compensation, a kind of counterbalance: to the order of love between a man and a woman, as an addition, the fact that a man should serve a woman is related.
d) The ratio of love and order
For some time I have been interested in something else. It hasn't "fermented" in many ways, but it seems important to me for this kind of work. I observe and reflect on the fact that there are relationships that collapse despite great love... So it can't be a matter of love.
There is a fatal phrase of one famous Augustinian: "Love and then do what you want." But then everything will surely go awry, because love without a head always goes awry. It is a common mistake that love makes up for, replaces, or helps to overcome whatever is lacking. Many difficulties in relationships arise from the fact that one does not want to admit what is obvious, and assumes that through reflection, effort or with the help of love, he can still put it in order. However, order cannot be influenced in this way. This is an illusion, so nothing will come of it. Love is part of order and develops within order. Whoever tries to turn the relationship around and wants to transform order through love will fail. By adjusting to the order, love can develop in it like a seed. It enters the soil and does not try to change it, and so it grows.
Philosophically, love is part of a larger order. It is something that is carried out between people and has a certain function there, but in a larger aggregate it plays a subordinate role.
For example, I can look at two people and see what is happening between them. But if I leave out of parentheses how their actions affect their environment or their children, I am missing something very, very important. They may both feel great, but at the same time, their behavior can have bad consequences for their children or grandchildren. Order is always associated with the inclusion of many and means essentially - as I understand it - that the different interacts in a way that is good for everyone. Order does not come at the expense of someone, it costs everyone the same, to an equal or at least similar benefit to all concerned. The point is that a person expands his field of vision, so that he looks at everyone who is concerned, and sees the influence that a certain behavior has.
e) When is a partnership built on sand?
If in a partnership a man or woman wants another, first of all, not as a wife or husband, but more for some other reason, for example, to have pleasure or to be provided for, or because the other is rich or poor, educated or simple , a Catholic or a representative of the evangelical church, or because he wants to conquer, protect, improve or save him, or because one wants, as they say remarkably, to see another father or mother of his children, then in these cases the foundation was erected on the sand , and there is already a worm in the apple.
Others, relying on the experience of freely chosen alliances, view their partnership as if its goals can be freely determined, and its duration or order can be changed or abandoned depending on their own mood and well-being in it. But in this way they give partnership to the power of frivolity, Perhaps we will learn too late that order reigns here, which we cannot violate with impunity. born in this partnership, often behaves as if he should atone for some injustice, In reality, the goals of the partnership are assigned to us ”and they require, if we want to achieve them, constancy and sacrifice,
f) Falling in love is blind, love is on the alert
The concept of partnership, which originated in the business environment, has gradually moved into the personal sphere. The result was new model relationship between a man and a woman, which helps to create a reliable union, where both partners will feel comfortable. Is the theory of partnership fair or is it just another invention of psychologists?
Distinctive features of formed pairs
Psychologists identify such signs of couples in which strong partnerships have really developed:- a sense of unity: when speaking of compatible leisure or possessions, they say “ours”, not “mine,” often use the pronoun “we”, seek to merge, rather than defend their sovereignty;
- Availability common hobby or interests, common circle friends and acquaintances;
- absence of barriers in the discussion of difficult situations, trust in each other;
- the ability to quarrel and make peace without turning to personal grievances and reproaches.
One more important aspect partnerships - general development and respect for the growth of your loved one. Relationships develop most harmoniously when both partners strive for excellence and mastering new horizons. But if one of them has stability at work, and it suits him, and the other, on the contrary, is constantly in constant search yourself, find mutual language sometimes it’s not easy. Therefore, it is important not to consider your union as a static phenomenon, but to try to evaluate it in dynamics, that is, in development.
Couples who have extensive experience of living together should cherish their memories and at the same time not try to preserve themselves in any one state. Even if, over time, roles change, and leadership moves from one partner to another, it is important to remember that you are bound by a common feeling, and not try to drag the blanket over yourself.
What prevents you from building partnerships?
Scenarios of situations that interfere with the development of partnerships are as typical as signs of a strong union.1. Opposition of opinions
Each of the partners should be sympathetic to the position of the other, and not bring the conflict to a break in relations. It's especially annoying when loving friend of a friend, a man and a woman break up due to differences in views.2. Immaturity of one or both partners
One of the indicators of maturity is the ability to distribute responsibilities and take responsibility. If this does not happen, it is quite difficult to build a full-fledged relationship.3. Money matters
V modern world they become more and more relevant, especially if one partner earns significantly more than the other. As a consequence, accusations of waste and irrationality arise, which can sometimes lead to rupture.4. Conflict of "scattered socks"
Life is another of cornerstones life together, about which more than one crashed family boat... Moreover, such conflicts can occur even in the wealthy and between partners who occupy a high position in society. Even such a trifle as not twisted can become the cause of a quarrel. Toothpaste or a fork left on the table.5. Lack of support
If a person does not find understanding from his partner, he begins to look for him on the side. Indifference and criticism are equally dangerous when a person expects from you warm words that would confirm his correctness.The formula for a perfect partnership
Many family psychologists agree that the formula lasting relationship looks like this: respect + interest in a partner + common goals+ ability to conduct a dialogue + responsibility.
Conclusion
It is a convenient and effective strategy for a relationship based on trust and understanding. It is on it that specialists who work with married couples who cannot find a common language on their own. Believe it or not, it really works.The relationship between a man and a woman has been and will be one of the most important topics In this life. It is so arranged by nature that men cannot live without women, and women without men. But despite the importance of these relations, for some reason we are not taught how to properly build them. Neither school nor others educational institutions, this topic not seriously considered. It is, as it were, secondary to most people. However, because of this, not enough serious attitude to this topic, both men and women, sometimes it is very difficult to build good, long-term, mutually beneficial relationships with each other. But what can I say, about eighty percent of all problems with which people turn to me for help are connected precisely with the relationship between a man and a woman. This is not a little, you must agree. So let's get to the bottom of this topic properly.
To begin with, let's think in general - where, how and from whom do we learn to build relationships with the opposite sex and with people in general? We learn this from the people around us, mainly from our parents, or from those who replace them. It is these people who, by their example, teach us how to treat other people, how to behave with them, how to solve emerging problems in relations with them. Roughly speaking, if your parents set you a bad example - they constantly argue with each other, engage in assault against each other, then they will expect from you good manners probably won't have to. It is also clear that we again learn about men and women from the people around us, both from their words and from their own example. If we are surrounded by alcoholic men from childhood, as well as lung women behavior without feeling dignity, then it will seem to us that all men are drunks, and all women are easily accessible and can be treated like a thing. Bad examples are generally contagious, and when they still have no alternative, in the form of other, more correct and worthy examples, then a person begins to consider these bad examples exemplary and the only true.
In connection with the above, we conclude that without a correct understanding of people, it is impossible to build at least some literate relationship with them. Men are different and women are different, and when it comes to the relationship between them, you need to understand that one correct sample conduct with by different people does not exist. Each person needs their own approach, no matter whether it is about a man or a woman. All people have their own characteristics, which must be taken into account when building relationships with them. Let's say you are a woman, and you know about men only what you were able to find out about them thanks to communication with some of them, that is, thanks to your experience of communication with those men who surrounded and surround you. And suppose you were not surrounded by the most the best men- liars, tyrants, degenerates. How will you build your relationships with future men? You will see in every man - a liar, a tyrant, a degenerate, that is, someone you have an idea of. This means that you will treat all men like liars, tyrants and degenerates. WITH high degree chances are it will be that way. That is, your past experience of communicating with men will make itself felt. How will men react to this? It is clear that it is not very good. And normal men will bypass you at all, because they have absolutely nothing to do with themselves, they do not want their beloved woman to see them as a liar, tyrant and degenerate, and treat them accordingly. This is why many men choose to build serious relationships with decent women from good families, they do not want to have problems with inadequate women who are mentally disturbed due to a negative past. And women are often attracted to such men, whom they know about and whom they understand, even if they are not the best men. For example, if a woman's father was an alcoholic, then there is a high probability that her husband will also be an alcoholic. With men who know exactly as much about women as they know about them through their life experience, things are the same. They, too, are drawn to those they understand.
So, from the above it follows that if you want to have the most better relationship with the opposite sex - rethink your life experience. If you are a woman, find out about what kind of men there are in this life, what are their characteristics, what kind of behavior they have, how certain men relate to women and what kind of attitude they expect towards themselves. If you are a man, learn the same about women. You should know about what kind of people there are in this world, not only at the expense of your life experience who is not rich enough to teach you everything you need to know about people, but at the expense of knowing about them. And if you cut all men or all women one size fits all, then your relationship with them will be monotonous. Know how to distinguish people from each other and learn to adapt to the best of them, if you are interested in normal relationships with normal people.
In general, of course, the psychology of relations between a man and a woman is not an easy thing, so that its analysis can be reduced to several simple rules behaviors with the opposite sex to adhere to when building these relationships. People who are too different in character and temperament can get along with each other, or try to get along so that you can foresee all the subtleties of their relationship and give them universal advice for all occasions. But it is always necessary to consider the most important points in such a relationship. Let's see what those moments are.
The needs of a man and a woman in a relationship
Communication
One of the basic human needs is the need for communication. Therefore, be sure to pay attention to communication with each other when you build a relationship with the opposite sex. Without communication, a person is not a person. Communication between a man and a woman should be frequent and deep, and it generally should be. Very often people simply do not notice each other, from the moment they begin to live together, not to mention some kind of intense communication, with the help of which a man and a woman maintain interest in each other. Understand the main thing - communication is necessary for a person. And it is better if your woman or your man - will communicate with you, and not with other people. Communication will bring you closer, and its absence will alienate you from each other. Even if you have different interests and somewhat different outlooks on life, it's okay, you still have to find something in common, interesting for both of you, and communicate on this topic. I recommend that women give in to a man in this matter, finding something interesting for themselves in his interests, and communicate with him on this topic as often as possible. So communication is like sex - if it exists, and it is normal, then everything will be fine with the relationship, and if it is not there, expect problems.
Partnerships between a man and a woman
This is very important point, which not all people pay attention to. And to you, dear readers, I recommend that you pay your attention to it. It is about a partnership between a man and a woman. Whatever relationship you build with the opposite sex, if you want them to be serious, strong and durable - they must include a partnership between you and your man, woman. Many people, I repeat, do not attach any importance to these relationships, but I believe, based on my experience, that a man and a woman, especially if they are husband and wife, must be partners, in addition to everything else. They are one team that must have common goals and agreed ways to achieve those goals. Therefore, a man and a woman should be support for each other, should be at the same time, should support each other and help each other in difficult situations... So there should be a common cause, there should be common goals, so that people - a man and a woman - have the most in common, so that they are interested in each other and be helpful friend for a friend on many issues. A man and a woman need to understand that together they are power, and they need to use this power as a connecting tool in the foundation of their relationship. In general, the life of a man and a woman should be common, and not so that one lives his own life and achieves his goals, and the other, the other, his own. Common interests, common goals, general views on many things, if not all, but many - this is what makes a relationship strong and durable.
Sex
Well, what can you say - sex is sex, without it it is difficult to imagine a full-fledged relationship between a man and a woman, unless we are talking about friendly relations that do not involve growing into a more serious relationship. But friendship between a man and a woman, you know, is a rare phenomenon in general in life, and not because this friendship itself is somehow wrong, but because people of different sexes are not always perfect for such a friendship. So whatever you say, sex is our everything! Therefore, there should not be a shortage of sex; one of the basic human needs must be satisfied constantly. And it is necessary to satisfy this need beautifully, efficiently, and interestingly. But all sorts of nonsense to commit, I do not advise. There are women who blackmail their husbands with sex. This, friends, is very stupid women who themselves do not understand what they are doing. They are their rash actions destroy the foundation family relations- undermining self-confidence, showing disrespect for a man, for whom a woman's refusal to have sex is a great insult and sowing enmity in own home... No blackmail, even sex, even divorce - for normal relationship not allowed! If you do not want to live in a constant state of war with your partner, eliminate all blackmail from your life. Otherwise, do not rely on an unhappy fate when you find yourself at the “broken trough”, to which you will lead yourself. Normal, regular sex between a man and a woman is required condition for a normal and lasting relationship between them. There is no need to idealize sex, as people with sexual disorders do, sex is not the main thing, it is one of the main conditions for a normal relationship. Therefore, take into account each other's desires to the extent that you can do it, and try to satisfy them in a timely manner. Whoever says what, and in most cases, problems with sex, inevitably turn into problems in the relationship between a man and a woman, no matter how developed and advanced people they are. Consider this fact in your life.
Scandals
Scandals must be avoided by all means! And for this, you need to stop enjoying them. What, you want to say that you do not get any pleasure from scandals, that they happen themselves, because of the different ones, objective reasons? Don't be fooled by yourself, let alone me. I am an experienced person, I know that for a scandal you need not a reason, but a pretext. It's just that some people do not always realize that they themselves provoke quarrels and scandals in relationships, because they want them to happen, because thanks to these scandals and quarrels, people feed on negative energy and throw out the overwhelming aggression on their partner, instead of pacifying it ... People who are not burdened with moral and cultural education, as well as intellectual development, need the expression of aggression. A person is an aggressive creature, so if he, shall we say, is not entirely intelligent, not intelligent enough, he needs to spew out his aggression somewhere, somehow. Suppose that you are one of these people and it is difficult for you to catch up with what has been missed, it is difficult to become less aggressive and more patient with other people. Let it be so, it doesn't matter, to hell with him, with this upbringing and intelligence - try at least just not to throw out your aggression on those people who are truly dear to you. And I understand that your beloved man or your beloved woman is still a person dear to you, clearly not deserving to growl at him or not. Close people should become saints for you! There is no need to make scandals with those with whom you are in the same boat. There are such absurd situations in which people scandal with each other for no reason, and after understanding these situations a little, you understand that the problem is not worth a damn, and there is so much anger around it, so much hatred, so much negative emotions and aggression, as if we are talking about the confrontation of the worst enemies to each other, and not about people who, in fact, should love each other. In general, dear readers, take into account that it is not relationship problems that provoke scandals, but scandals that cause problems in relations between a man and a woman. As soon as you begin to approach the issue of scandals from this position, and not from the position of who is right and who is wrong, you will greatly reduce their number in your life. But do not forget that scandals cannot be completely avoided, so do not strive for a non-existent ideal. A pinch of pepper should be in any relationship - it gives them flavor.
Male dominance
Perhaps for someone my opinion, gained through years of working with people, will seem old-fashioned, but I believe that the leadership of a man in a family should not be challenged, it should be welcomed and supported in every possible way. A man should be in charge of any serious relationship with a woman and a woman from this male domination will only get better! But on condition, if we are talking about a normal man who wants and is ready to take responsibility for his decisions, who is not so selfish as to think only of himself and for whom a relationship with a woman is a value, and not just an opportunity to satisfy some of his needs and desires.
Equality is equal rights, but in the relationship between a man and a woman, someone must be more important in order to be responsible for the direction of these relations, not allowing them to develop spontaneously. In my opinion, a man is better suited for this role, because he is more practical and his brain is sharpened for constant problem solving. Of course, on the same condition that the man is normal, smart, and not some kind of goof. And a woman is already adjusting to such a man's domination and acts more as an adviser, whose wise instructions and attention to detail allow a man to better analyze his decisions in certain situations. So it's not about the fact that a woman should obey a man in everything and not have the right to vote, and generally be a thing for him. No way. Nothing serious can be built on oppression by someone. It's just that a man is most often the best suited for the role of the head of the family! There are exceptions, including forced ones, but they are exceptions. And not because a man should be in charge because I want it that way or all men want it to be so, but because nature also intended it this way. In it, every man from birth is a leader, warrior, hunter. Education, of course, can seriously undermine these natural inclinations, but the main thing is that they exist and they can and should be cultivated in a person, in this case in a man. And if a woman wants to have next to her normal guy, with whom it is beneficial to maintain a close relationship, on whom you can rely, she should help him to be who he is by his destiny, and not turn him into a smear with her aggression and domination. And without that, most men have been disfigured since childhood and have always been disfigured, mainly at work, when they are forced to submissively obey their superiors, who are always and in everything right. Hierarchical laws break the psyche of many people who are forced to suppress in themselves leadership skills, love of freedom, self-esteem, for the sake of adaptation in society and the team. Parents, too, often harm their children when, by their attitude towards them, they turn them into people completely unadapted to life. Often wrong well-mannered men is not at all able to build a relationship with a woman, and for them this is big problem because of which they suffer. Of course, you cannot trust such people with power in the family, and even in not very serious relationships, they cannot be leaders, because they are too morally weak. But I think it is necessary to give a man a chance to be a man. A mentally broken man in a house is like furniture, like there is some benefit, but no independence.
So, if it so happens that a man is not a "lion" in big world, so let him be at least in his own family. But no frills. If he does not cope with this role, then, of course, there is no point in idolizing him. But then the relationship takes on a very unsightly form when a woman has to become a man in a relationship, taking on leadership responsibilities. Therefore, addressing women, I want to say that there is no need to drive a man under the heel if he has leadership potential. Do not make of him something that will make you vomit. If a man adapts to a woman, if he is afraid of losing her, if he tries to please her in everything, not paying attention to her attitude towards himself, then he will cease to be a man and will most likely lose their woman over time. Well, what a woman will get from such a relationship in which she will dominate, and not her man, can be understood from numerous examples from life, when relations between people do not develop very well. the best way and a man in such a family often calls a woman severe irritation... A man should feel like a leader, or even better to be one, in order to function normally, so to speak. Otherwise, it is of little use. So, take out the garbage, but replace the tap in the kitchen, it will do.
Caring for each other
Love
And finally, her majesty love! You know, dear readers and readers, I could tell you a lot more, speaking about the relationship between a man and a woman, but let’s finish the discussion of this topic within the framework of this article, after all, the most important thing is love. If she is love, is, then all of the above and much more, on which the relationship between a man and a woman depends, will be in perfect order. If you love a person, you will try to do everything for him! And if not, then no amount of advice will help you. No psychologist can help, let alone make you fall in love with a person, love originates in your heart, and then reaches your mind. Therefore, you must not only feel, but also understand whether you love a person or not. If you love, then this is good, which means that you will do everything for your relationship with him, all the best that you are capable of. As for him or her, let them decide for themselves how and how to respond to your love. You can't be cute, so don't demand from people reciprocal love to yourself. And in general, heed the advice of one wise man, who once told me that the main thing is not to love you, but to love you! If they love you, then you will love the one who sincerely loves you - bright and pure love, provided that you will love not only with your heart, but also with your mind. And also provided that you are generally able to love someone other than yourself. For true love, friends, you need to grow up. After all, an immature, in fact, childish mind is selfish, while a mature and developed mind is able to think not only about itself, but also about others. We are too selfish creatures, so when we are not intellectually developed enough, it is unusual for us to think about other people, we think only of ourselves. Relationships based on this selfishness will not be strong, they will lack true love - sacrificial love... But when, with your heart and mind, you appreciate the feelings of another person for you and are able to love him for the fact that he loves you, then you will have a real one, great love that will allow you to create strong and lasting relationships. Is this not happiness, friends?
It is precisely such relationships based on pure and light love, but not devoid of natural flaws - I sincerely wish you! I understand that these relationships will never be perfect, because both men and women, as already mentioned at the very beginning of this article, are different. Each person has his own shortcomings, on which his attitude towards other people will inevitably depend. And in each case, the relationship between a man and a woman will have its own characteristics. Nevertheless, by adhering to the advice I have given you in this article, dear readers, you can avoid many unnecessary mistakes, neither for you, nor for your relationship, because of which this relationship may suffer. A man and a woman are different parts of a single whole. And living together they must complement each other. Then their relationship will be as strong as steel!