How to keep a lover: advice from a psychologist. Video: How you can keep a man forever. How to deal with spoiled men
V young age almost all girls dream of marriage with an ideal, loving and beloved man. However, having matured, we understand that life circumstances make their own adjustments to our plans and dreams, and it is possible that it is that long-awaited and only person who is already in legal marriage... To agree to the role of a married man's mistress or not is everyone's personal business. However, when building your romance with a non-free person, it is important to understand that these relationships are slightly different from those that our imagination draws. To understand what men are looking for in a novel on the side, psychologists conducted a mass survey and identified 10 signs of the ideal lover of a married man.
So, let's try to understand who she is - the ideal lover in the opinion of men?
1. She looks good
Many men begin to cheat on their wives because of dissatisfaction with their appearance. This is not surprising, because, unfortunately, women age. before men... However, in their mistresses, men want to see a living embodiment of their dreams. Regardless of natural external data, a lover should always look well-groomed, stylish and attractive.
2. She should be fun
Over the years family life spouses plunge headlong into everyday life, raising children and caring for material well-being, while losing that aura of romance, lightness and fun that bound them at the beginning of the relationship. It is the lack of this link that often becomes the reason why men decide on a relationship with their mistress. Accordingly, in their chosen one, they want to see not a woman tired of life, but an easy muse, in whose arms one can forget about everyday worries.
3. She treats him like a hero
Few spouses manage to live their lives avoiding quarrels, conflicts and reproaches towards each other. Having lived together for several years, the wife knows everything like no one else weaknesses and the shortcomings of his spouse, while in the eyes of his mistress, a man becomes a hero and ideal partner... It is this attitude, filled with romance, admiration and respect, that keeps married men around their mistresses.
4. She is self-sufficient and confident.
According to men, perfect lover is a woman who loves and respects herself. In addition to her relationship with an unfree person, she has her own life, filled with a variety of events, achievements and adventures. She does not put romance above all else, devoting a lot of time to her development and her hobbies.
5. She does not reproach or make scandals
In relationships on the side, men are looking for a holiday, ease and an opportunity to take a break from everyday worries. To maintain such a romance, you should not make any demands on your partner. And even more, there is no need to reproach him for a lack of attention, since these reproaches will make him feel guilty, and very soon the man will get tired of being torn between his family and his mistress.
6. She does not claim his freedom
Starting a relationship with a married man, initially a woman must understand that she cannot claim his entire life. This man has a family and daily duties associated with it, but when meeting with his mistress, he wants to forget about them. Therefore, any questions related to his family life, as well as plans for the future, will cause unpleasant emotions in him.
7. She does not claim a joint future
Perhaps, in fact, everything is somewhat different and the mistress secretly hopes that sooner or later her partner will divorce her unloved wife and stay with her, but such thoughts in no case should be shown to a married man. Good lover should conduct a conversation without affecting plans for the future, as well as bypassing conversations about his family life.
8. She doesn't die of love
Of course, every man dreams of becoming an object of fiery and sincere love... However, young ladies who are too in love, ready to do anything for the sake of their loved one, are hardly suitable for the role of mistresses. The fact is that excessive falling in love on the part of his mistress will impose a burden of responsibility on the man, which he probably will not want to bear. Relationships of this format should be based on common sense... It is very good when both partners understand that their romance is based on mutual sympathy in the present, and its development in the future is not an obligatory goal.
9. She is outspoken and unpredictable
Another common reason men have mistresses is dissatisfaction in bed. Not all women are ready to experiment and make their deepest fantasies come true. However, excessive modesty is forgivable for the wife, but not for the mistress. A lady of the heart should bring a holiday to a man, surprising and amazing the imagination.
10. She acts like his wife doesn't exist
Talking about family life, and especially about the spouse of a married man, should become taboo in a relationship. A good lover needs to try to forget that her chosen one has legal spouse... You can build relationships on passion, mutual hobbies and sympathy for each other, dissolving at the same time in momentary happiness and not looking into the future. And, of course, the ideal lover will never put an ultimatum in front of her partner - either me or she.
Married men want their romance to resemble a game with clearly established rules and laws, which develops in parallel with their family life and does not interfere with everyday life. But this game should bring joy to both players, so the relationship of this format should last as long as it suits the partners. In addition, even at the beginning of the novel, you need to accustom yourself to the idea that such a relationship very rarely has a perspective and the ability to develop into something more than an ordinary intrigue. And even if an affair with married man and will develop, this development will not be able to pass easily and painlessly.
Surprise a man
You have a huge advantage over legal spouse- a man is in love with you, and their feelings have become a habit and affection. Therefore, demonstrate your best qualities. Family life and monotony tired the man and he is looking for new emotions. But if you want to keep your beloved for a long time, then in addition to the mind-blowing, you need to amaze him with delicious meals and order in the house. This will show that you can be not only a mistress, but also a wonderful wife.
Do not reproach
Never have a scandal with your lover. This is enough for him at home. Understand that if a man is cheating on his wife, then not everything is going smoothly in their relationship. You must make up for your beloved what he lacks in the family. Therefore, do not become like a woman tortured by everyday life and always bring only joy into the life of your beloved.
Don't be jealous
No matter how angry you are that your beloved is leaving home - never torture him with yours. Understand that he is cheating on his wife with you, and not vice versa. You have no right to make any demands, let alone be jealous. Better take advantage of your time away from maximum benefit- improve, practice interesting things, meet people you like. All this will help pass the time without a loved one and make you even more attractive to him. Excessive custody tiresome, so don't just focus on your lover.
Keep yourself in good shape
Take care of yourself as much as possible, do not skimp on new things. The spouse of your beloved, especially if their marriage has been going on for many years, has lost its attractiveness to him. Therefore, take advantage of such an omission of his wife and let the beloved enjoy your beauty and freshness.
Don't skimp on compliments
Praise the man often. Make him feel like a real man next to you. Show him that only with him you can be calm and reliable. Accept gifts with delight, even the smallest ones. Seeing your joy, a man will try to do something pleasant as often as possible, and all this will raise his self-esteem. Only for this will he be you. Anyone wants to feel exceptional.
Don't give ultimatums
Don't force a man to choose between you and his wife. In any case, you should not do this if you are not sure that he will stay with you. Most likely, after such an ultimatum, you will forever lose your loved one. No matter how strong his passion for you is, he is connected with his wife much more. Understand that it's hard for a man to give up usual life, especially if there are children in the family. And think carefully yourself whether you want to stay with this person for life. Perhaps this is just love and you don't need to destroy someone else's family for the sake of it.
Thousands of manuals have been written about how to conquer the man of their dreams, but few are interested in the fact that the satellite taken by storm has yet to be held.
Do not hurry
Especially right after they met. Take your time to quickly develop your relationship, go to intimacy, talk to him about the wedding, children, do not rush to build general plans for the future, etc. Almost always it scares the chosen one very much, if you do it right away, at the beginning of your relationship.
Surprise
You can unexpectedly arrange for him romantic dinner, collect his old friends, take him to some a nice place, for no reason to make a gift, etc. The element of surprise plays a big role in such cases. 
Don't argue
Men always think they're right, so arguing with them is a useless hassle. There is a chance that you will convince him of course, but at what cost will you get it all! If you still absolutely do not want to agree with him, try to talk calmly without turning the conversation into shouts.
LISTEN to him, understand why he thinks so. Maybe he's really right. If not, then give your reasons, arguing them logically.
“I think so and I don’t care about anything!”, “I know that I’m right!” - such phrases for a man are similar to a red rag for a bull.
Perhaps it will help you in solving the issue mutual friend, internet, etc.
Praise
Men also love with their ears, which is why they smile so sweetly when they are told nice things. BUT! This should be done appropriately. You can compare it with dog training: done - have a tasty treat! Also in relation to men: praise must be deserved, otherwise he will lose that very incentive.
If you do everything competently and cunningly, your chosen one will do all the work with great enthusiasm! 
Give freedom
You do not need to keep him constantly near you. Do not follow your chosen one, do not read his correspondence, do not eavesdrop on his conversations ... However, you can sometimes deviate from these rules: if you want to know everything about him, do it imperceptibly and infrequently.
Also, do not interfere with his meetings with friends, because often they really rest with their souls ( interesting conversations, humor relevant to their circle, etc.).
BUT! Do not give a reason to think that you are indifferent to him, otherwise he will start doing stupid things to spite you.
Evolve
If you are versatile developed personality, he will always be interested with you. Men are very flattered when they try to develop at their expense: you can ask him to teach you how to drive a car, paint walls, or maybe even save money ...
BUT! Don't show that you are better at something. It might humiliate him.
Do not compare with others
Many people think that comparison should motivate self-improvement, but this is not the case. A man may just be offended. Although ... You can compare, but in a positive perspective: "You are stronger ...", "You are more beautiful ...", "You do better ...", etc.
Support
You are his chosen one, and the first thing he wants to do is find consolation with you. If you can from time to time calm him down, cheer him up and look for ways out of difficult situations together, do not hesitate - you will mean a lot to him.
Is it possible to stop the married
Almost every girl who has started a relationship with a married man understands that she is doing wrong, but secretly consoles herself with the thought that she will be able to become “his only”. Most likely, her chosen one has already told her how everything is bad in their family, that there is no love or passion left, but only a child, a business, the thought that a sick mother will be very upset, etc., keeps him.
Before you think about whether you can keep married man, it is worth asking the question: do you need this?
Spending time in depressing anticipation, being together, but not being a couple, living life in squeezing uncertainty, risking forever remaining in the hopeless status of a mistress, being constantly "in the background", spitting on your future.
The fact remains, but only a small amount of men abandon families and children for their new love.
There is only one conclusion: from the very beginning, you should not start any love relationship with married men if you don't want to stay with broken heart or torment yourself all your life with the thoughts that you contributed to the destruction of the family (whatever). 
Stop all his attempts to "drive up" you (flirting, ambiguous compliments, etc.). If the relationship does start, it is worth abandoning them as soon as possible. Remember the "boomerang effect". And remember: how quickly passion flares up, just as quickly it can fade away, so you should not rush into the pool with your head.
A joke in the subject:
Difficult, very difficult to prove former lover, who became your wife, that married men never cheat on their wives.
How to keep a guy
Forever
If you want to stay with this person for life, work on the relationship right away.
After sex
What was, what was. We live in a world where sexual relations lose their previously inherent morality. You can put it another way: less and less partners make love, and more and more often just have sexual intercourse. However, this does not mean that you need to immediately "jump into bed" to your new chosen one.
In most cases, men immediately lose interest in the "easy sacrifice". But at the same time, you should not make him wait too long, if you do not want him to simultaneously seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
After spending a night together, girls often make mistakes that can scare off a guy.In most cases (depending on the nature of the man), you cannot:
- talk about marriage and serious relationships;
- ask how many partners he had before you;
- talk about your sexual experience (in the sense: "But Petka and I ...!");
- compare him with others ("You are better and more enduring than this and that" - agree, a dubious compliment);
- insist that he say if he liked it (if - yes, do not hesitate - he will show it with his whole appearance).
After everything has happened, do not impose on the guy, but also do not pretend that you are indifferent to the outcome of his decision about your next meetings.
If he wants to part
First you need to remind him how good you were all the time that you were together. You should not accompany words with hysteria, violent emotions, sobs, etc. All this can cause irritation and your conversation will end quickly.
Sincere smile generated by memories, light strokes on the hand and selection in the story important points- that's all it takes to make the guy think about whether he should lose you.
Be sure to find out in the conversation what exactly does not suit him in you and your relationship, convince him that you are ready to change. After that, most likely, he will give your future a second chance.
Younger than myself
Remember a few rules:
Older than myself
No matter what the difference in your age, if you do not diversify yourself, he will most likely get bored with you sooner or later. Get to know last news, take an interest in his work, the health of his parents, ask him to teach you something that he is good at, etc.
BUT! Never try to show such a man that you are smarter, you do not need to teach him about life, "nag", argue.
If you disagree with him on some issue, sit down and talk calmly, but you need to do it carefully (“Darling, don’t get mad at me, but I don’t understand why you think so ...”).
During the conversation, you can give your reasons, and at the end, maybe you will be able to convince him if you yourself have not agreed with him.
Don't be selfish
Accept his lifestyle too. Do not think only about your desires, dreams and habits, because there are two of you. Look for compromises, make concessions, but do not completely forget about yourself.
Create a homey feel 
Before he comes home from work, put things in order in the apartment, prepare delicious dinner, put yourself and your children in order. If he is not in the mood, support and encourage him.
Show your love. Do not skimp on pleasant words, affection, tenderness, and then your man will look forward to the moment when he returns home to his beloved woman.
Try to match his ideal of a woman.
But remain a mystery. This also applies to behavior, and your attitude towards him, and family position, and, of course, appearance... Do not consider the changes that need to be made for the sake of your loved one humiliating, because these are all for your happiness.
BUT! do not forget about the very zest that should remain in every woman - do not bend completely, otherwise you will become too predictable for him, and he will lose interest in you.
Experiment with sex
Intimate life for a man is far from unimportant. So surprise, please, intrigue, excite, excite him.
If he is interested in bed with you, the likelihood that he will look "to the left" is minimized.
The most cunning women can even manipulate their partner through sex. Not in the sense: "Give for give," but in this sense: did it nicely - you can hint at something. During periods of bliss, men are very pliable.
Know how to quarrel 
Try to control yourself: do not say hurtful things, do not try to insult or humiliate your partner, do not call names or provoke him to this. If you feel like you’re on the verge of a breakdown, it’s better to go into the room and ask to let you calm down a little.
Communicate, but don't bore
If suddenly he needs to go somewhere for a relatively long time, do not need to call him very often. However, you need to periodically remind yourself of yourself, because keeping a guy at a distance is quite difficult. It is very important to do it competently: to be unobtrusive, playful, intriguing.
So, for half a day, you can periodically send him gentle sms, then suddenly disappear: your boyfriend will get worried and will call you back to find out if everything is all right with you.
Alternatively, you can send him your photos (possibly of an erotic nature). Be an interesting conversationalist when speaking on the phone. You don't need to talk all the time for 10 minutes about how you miss him and how much you love him.
Video: How you can keep a man forever
You are the lover of a married man. And, contrary to all prejudices, stereotypes, whispering and nodding behind your back, you like it and everything suits you in such a relationship.
You are interested with this man, even though he is a stranger's husband, he is sympathetic to you, and perhaps you are even in love with him. It is for this reason that you are categorically determined to long-term relationship, not a fleeting connection.
And in order for as long as possible keep a married man near you, you need to understand what prompted him to step "to the left". Therefore, we will now talk about the pursuit of whatgets himself a mistress, and that will help you tie this person to you. Let's carry out the so-called educational program for a mistress.
Sex. It would seem banal, but, nevertheless, the most common and invariably relevant push for married people to make a connection on the side. There may be a lot of reasons for this: from the impossibility for some reason to have sex with your spouse to the usual desire to add color to your intimate life.
And, given that a man's life is basically based on sex, he can find a hotbed of his sexual dissatisfaction in anything. In this case, you become a kind of testing ground for realization sexual fantasies and experiments. Your task is to become for him the embodiment of the dream of an ideal lover.
Give any here general recommendations, you must admit, it is unreasonable, since each male has its own individual troubles in this matter. To indulge his perverted fantasies (if they have a place to be or seem to you as such due to upbringing), of course, no one forces you - it's a purely personal matter. But to please your lover with a homegrown striptease, erotic massage or involve him in role play- this will only be a plus in your piggy bank.
But what can I say, I think you yourself will wonderfully be able to feel the exciting strings. And do not forget to be different at least sometimes, because even interesting things tend to become boring over time.
The following points, which we will discuss, have a slightly different connotation and different expectations from a mistress. Nevertheless, they are all, in one way or another, built on sex. Therefore your intimate relationship in any case, we set the starting point. Another thing is that, concentrating on another problem, your lover may be satisfied with your rather modest sexual merits, but you will have to prove yourself not only from this side.
Entertainment. Quite often, energetic, active and addicted men choose girls who are completely opposite to themselves - quiet and housewives as their wives. Of course, this choice is the perfect example for family life. But his familiar style life, he still somehow needs to realize.
This is where your time comes. Bright, lively, risky. As long as you live this other life of his, share his interests, support hobbies and are interested in what his consciousness owns, you will be an indispensable part of his world and will be able to keep a married man near you.
Self-affirmation... Strange as it may seem, not only people suffer from low self-esteem. Men are very vulnerable creatures. Moreover, it is much more difficult for them to recover even after a minor moral blow. And some wives are very generous with reviews about their betrothed. And not only the wives, but also the bosses, and just completely strangers.
In this case, the mistress is a balm for wounded pride. Admiration for him male power and business qualities, compliments of his appearance and work results, approval of actions and decisions ... Nevertheless, praises should be reasonable and in moderation.
In no case should you be like a grumbling wife, but you can't stroke the head for the dirty trick you have created either. Humiliated man, of course, needs support, but he is not so stupid as not to recognize obvious servility. And in no case, in this situation, or in any other, do not try to condemn your spouse. No matter how bad a man speaks about his soul mate, this is exclusively his prerogative, and this topic should be closed for his mistress.
Consolation and communication. But not only the strong word of the spouse can hurt, but also her indifference to the problems of her husband or to his simply bad mood... Unwillingness to live his life outside the family, lack of mutual understanding and even elementary communication becomes the reason for the search for a grateful listener and a worthy interlocutor.
The ability to listen and empathize, understand and discuss, maintain a conversation and conduct a dialogue are invaluable qualities. And you absolutely must have them. Do not even hope that in this case the “deaf” listening, beloved by many young ladies, will take off (when you supposedly (!) Listen to your interlocutor and even nod and assent).
Salvation from everyday life. Everyday life is such a thing that can corrode even the happiest marriage. Quite a lot can be attributed to this category. various nuances... Day after day you come home, and there: the same scenario of the development of events, the wife in her leaky dressing gown, screaming at night a child, uncleaned and unwashed dishes, again dumplings for dinner, a tap again, etc.
It is completely different when you come to your mistress. An apartment cleaned for his arrival, a smiling and preppy hostess, a favorite fish pie on the table, an opportunity to sleep peacefully and there is no need to fix a tap. Of course, this is a rather exaggerated example, but all this is the case.
Fresh feelings. Having once experienced vivid and passionate feelings, which, as you know, tend to fade over time, you want to plunge into this love euphoria and saturate yourself with emotions. Most often, husbands with long family experience go in search of feelings, those who are lucky enough to be ringed in enough young age(of course, because he did not have time to walk up), and characters whose marriage was not originally based on feelings.
Such a lover who has appeared in your life will certainly fall in love with you. And now it depends only on you how long you can maintain this flame of love. Reciprocal feelings, passion, romance, the ability to act and even make sacrifices are important here - everything, just like in a classic love story.
Compliance with the status. For some men, as a rule, wealthy enough, a mistress is a status element, no matter how rude it may sound. According to his position, in order not to stand out, he simply must have a cute young companion next to him, as well as expensive watch or collectible drinks at the bar.
Women love to dream of the perfect man. To caress, to earn money, and to guess desires, but such, alas, do not exist. A few tips for men to keep their wife, girlfriend, mistress.
You have to have sex with a woman better in the morning at lunchtime and in the evening, so that she doesn't have time to look at others and think how good he is. It doesn't work at lunchtime, so in the morning and in the evening. Usually euphoria after sex lasts for two or three hours, so at this time it will definitely not leave you, she is still impressed. It's not there, there is always a weighty one- Don't you love me? And she will immediately agree.
The second point, if you go on business trips, work from morning until late at night, write sms, call and remind about yourself. She will be pleased, and thoughts will be about you, and not about that pretty boy in a blue shirt.
Keep her busy, ask her to sew on a button, wash your trousers, while she fusses about you and your clothes, she thinks about you.
Take her to the cafe. not when she proposes, but surprise her yourself, nothing is appreciated by a woman more than a man's generosity.
There is nothing to lead in a cafe, we take by the hand, we lead for a walk, it is advisable to hug and kiss on the way, you will not lose anything, but she is pleased.
Try to make gifts not only on March 8 or her birthday, even a popsicle or cake bought on time will delight her.
No need to bump into a computer if a woman is around. She really wants to cuddle, hug her, caress her. and then you can work all night, she is already happy.
Make the woman proud of you. She judges this in relation to children, parents, her or yours, and naturally common affairs... We bought a coffee machine home, oh, what a fine fellow you are, but if you crashed a car and need money for repairs, well, that doesn't happen to anyone.
A woman does not think globally, she does not need to tell her that you are saving up for an apartment, she needs daily declarations of love, and it will work.
A man tries to keep a woman with children, romance, but forgets that not all women are romantic, and alas, not everyone loves children. Even having given birth to a man of 5 of them, she can continue to walk. Don't serenade her, bring home the loot, a piece of meat bought on time, small gift more than a bouquet of flowers will be appreciated.
Do not spare money, a woman should not see that you feel sorry for them, even if they are not there, just make her think that they are. Afraid that you will spend too much, buy the products yourself, but not the worst and cheapest, but simply without unnecessary frills.
There is no money for expensive resorts, take her to another city for a couple of days, the trip will inspire, diversify life and will not let her get bored.
Live in the interests of your beloved, not just your own, share your thoughts and observations with her, you are not behind enemy lines. The more she knows about your desires, the easier it will be for her with you.
I wish you success, and that you are not looking for a replacement if you suddenly did not meet expectations.
Don't forget even Strong woman loves a man, so try to be her support, not a burden.