Unrequited love is a path that will not lead you to happiness. You can cultivate this feeling in yourself as much as you like, but at the same time there is a risk of losing yourself or, much worse, getting used to the role of the victim.

Unrequited love is dangerous for a person with psychological point vision. She creates beautiful illusions in which a person lives, hoping for the best. Hope is good, but not in this case. After all, a person does not develop, does not seek new acquaintances and slowly destroys himself from the inside. If you don't stop in time, you can drive yourself into.

How can you stop loving a person to whom you are indifferent? The answers are in our article.

Decide on the type of love

Desire to return to normal life very commendable. To take the first step in this direction, we need to understand what type of love we are dealing with.

• Love is a boon... This feeling is not given to everyone; only truly strong personalities can experience such love. Everything is here, as they say in dictionaries: all-embracing sympathy, concentration on another person, understanding and initiative willingness to do good for this person. If you experience just such feelings, then this is a gift of fate and truly a blessing. It is not worth throwing such feelings around.

In these circumstances, to stop loving does not mean to destroy love. You just need to move it to the person who needs it more and who really deserves it.

• Love is lust... This is the feeling when the desire to get this particular object of love overshadows all other impulses. By nature, a person is endowed with instincts, a desire to assert himself, he wants to be happy - and this is normal. But endlessly bursting into a slammed door is unnatural.
• "Great" love... This is a symbiosis of the first two types of love. It's a really great feeling, but not a holistic one. If the object of your love does not reciprocate, then this wonderful feeling transforms, becoming less versatile and delightful.
• "Taking" love... It is a feeling based on attachment to the person who loves you. You simply accept and appreciate this love. And this is also normal, but it can be quite difficult to end such a relationship due to the introduction of a household factor.

By directly answering yourself how much love you feel, you will quickly understand how to stop loving this person. To make this task even easier, here are some tips.

Negative advice suggested in these cases, are reduced to two concepts "hatred" and "contempt". Recommendations are given not only to assess a person's shortcomings, but also to enter them into a certain table, where his merits will be written next to it. It is clear that a quantitative comparison will not be in favor of the merits. What can I say? The feeling of hate is only suitable for some very short term, and then with reassurance you need to give it up. And the feeling of contempt is generally doubtful, because it levels out all that beautiful that was in love. But in some particularly difficult cases, the use of these tips is quite reasonable.

Positive advice suggests focusing on your own personality, highlighting your accomplishments in other areas of life besides love. For example, you are successful at work, you have many friends, or you are wonderful at cross-stitching. Other side positive advice offers to pay attention to how hard it was with this person, he didn’t like everything, but now (this is happiness!) I can do whatever I want.

Analysis own qualities- this is an appeal to oneself, and not to the object of one's love, with the aim of substantiating something in a mental argument.

Both positive and negative advice bears fruit.

Negative feelings need to be strictly controlled and included only when you remember the object of your love.

As soon as memory threw you an image ex-lover, you need to include one of the ways - negative or positive. They must be alternated, and not chaotically dumped all in one heap.

To begin a new life

The advice to get rid of love is very good in itself, but the result depends on the degree of seriousness of intentions. You need to find yourself some kind of hobby, remember favourite hobby... You can change your place of work, as well as your social circle. Some in such cases generally change the city of residence and reset their lives.

But suddenly you do not agree to significantly change your way of life, you do not need to reproach yourself for this. Just do whatever you are ready for, or a little more.

Help your neighbor

The advice to help your neighbor implies transferring your warm attitude to another object.

Whenever memories of the subject of your passion roll up, forcibly mentally replace this person with another.

Then imagine these others - maybe they lack such kind words... Help people! Maybe a friend needs your help or an old neighbor needs to buy medicine ... Your lover does not need these feelings, but these people need them, and maybe many others.

Fight fire with fire

The advice “knock out a wedge by a wedge" is, in truth, ineffective. Dive from grief into bed unfamiliar person definitely not worth it. The threshold of love is a friendly contact.

You can tell a newly acquired friend about the object of your sadness that you want to erase from your life, only by mentioning it as the past, and without much frenzy.

There is a judgment that the new lover should not be told about the ex, but this is wrong. That he is not a human being to understand this?

Treat yourself to pleasure

Give yourself small pleasures, especially this difficult period life is great way distract from bitter thoughts. Listen to good music (but not sad), watch a movie or play (no tragic stories), arrange a meeting with friends, go shopping with them.

If you truly experience love, then you will better perceive the masterpieces of art and the subtleties of works of art. Have you noticed this at home? If not, then perhaps you take something else for love?

If you fall in love with a colleague

Falling out of love with a person you see every day on duty is quite problematic. Most efficient way- change the place of work. This option is mainly relevant for those whose feelings were not a secret to other employees.

If you value your work, then you should take into account that the current situation will affect your career prospects... Tormenting in public, you will look rather pitiful, and exaggerating pretending that everything is fine with you, in the eyes of your bosses you will look frivolous.

In such circumstances, the question may arise - why do I need to leave? Let the object of my passion go away and I know how to hasten this process. No need to rush anything! All brilliant tricks are easily read by intelligent colleagues, and this will definitely not add points to you.

In fact, you no longer love this person, and there is no need to demonstrate this to everyone, everyone will feel it themselves.

Keep the thought of yours in your head, develop and grow it, continue to communicate calmly, work with pleasure. And forget about revenge, it's not worth it. After all, in essence, what happened? Your loved one turned out to be either a fool who could not pay tribute to your merits, or so smart that he was the first to realize that you were incompatible.

If you cannot change jobs, then at least change your lifestyle outside of working hours. Sign up for any courses, start teaching healthy image life, go to the gym, choose a part-time job - during this period of your life you need to change everything to the maximum. Time, as you know - best doctor but helps even more fascinating activity that your life is filled with.

If the lover is a married person

If you have asked this question, then you have already understood that such a relationship is futile. He can assure as much as he wants that he loves you, but you are already skeptical about his words.

Psychologists say that a man realizes that in front of him is a woman with whom he wants to connect life, after about six months of relationship. If this did not happen, then this is manipulation and nothing meaningful words that are demeaning to both of you.

And answer frankly to yourself the question - do you have respect for this person? If a harem is not your option, and you have no complexes about your ill-luck in love, then you are unlikely to answer that there is respect. But at the same time, you allow yourself to miss, suffer and still think that you love him. This behavior can have serious consequences. It is suicidal to stick with your soul to a person you do not respect.

In order to trust another person as yourself, it will take years of living together. Have normal person trust does not arise immediately, no matter how much you are in love. Now we will consider only those cases when living together calculated in years.

If you are after three years of living with a person:

First of all, you must learn:

Everything that a person says in the first two years of a relationship only means that he agrees to try to build it with you, but reserves the right to consider other options. Why did you decide that this person can already be trusted?

But now you are convinced that you were wrong, you did not know him at all. And there is nothing terrible in this - almost everyone has such an experience in life, and your case may not be the saddest. Read the stories on the forums, and you will realize that your situation is commonplace and not so unfortunate.

If the betrayal happened more than five years later with a person:

It seems that life has collapsed when, after many years of family well-being, this horror suddenly arises. You probably already guessed by yourself that “suddenly” nothing happens. Surely life has been signaling this to you for a long time, but did not want to recognize these signals. Now the moment of truth has come when you need to build a logical chain of all events. Support will help here good friends or close relatives. You should not let casual acquaintances into your problems, then it is better to come to an appointment with

Love is such a feeling that does not always bring only joy and happiness. People are different, it is difficult for someone to fall in love, and someone falls in love quite often. And sometimes it happens that you fall in love with the wrong people, and this only brings pain and suffering. In such situations, the question of how to stop loving begins to torment the soul? More often the question arises, how to stop loving a colleague?

A similar situation quite difficult, because in other cases you can simply avoid communicating with a person, but this will not work with an employee. At work, you constantly have to deal with him, discuss some questions about the work. In order for the reverse process to pass the least painful, certain rules should be learned.

First of all, you need to limit communication with your beloved - only business relationship... No intimate conversations and signs of attention. To fall out of love, you should not allow any hints of flirting, smiles, in a word, you need to behave with your beloved as with an ordinary employee. In addition, if this person has mutual sympathy for you, your ambiguous smiles can serve as a hope for the development of relations in the future, which should not be allowed.

You shouldn't look for unnecessary meetings. Of course, if a person is nice, you want to know as much as possible about him and spend more time together, but in similar case it is unacceptable. If you work in different departments, try not to go to his territory at all.

The most important thing in such a situation is to remember that at work, first of all, you need to work, and not arrange your personal life... It is good to be distracted by plunging headlong into work. Take yourself more responsibilities, do not be distracted and dream. Such a rhythm can easily lead to overwork, but it will quickly help to throw away unnecessary and interfering thoughts. Of course, this is not easy, you may be distracted at first, but over time you will still learn to control yourself.

Last and most important, in no case should you forcefully switch your attention to another man from your team. In this case, it is possible that the beloved will change, but the problems will remain the same. Don't look for it right away new love just try to concentrate on your work. It is better to spend more time with friends and family, and look for love in a place independent of your work.

Ask a psychologist

Hello! I am 33 years old, I have been married for 2 years, I have one year old child... It so happened that I got out of the decree early, wanted to stay at work, and maybe even due to the fact that there were problems with her husband. He constantly points me to mine physical disabilities, says that she is a bad housewife and mother. I had already forgotten about sex with him! It was all very painful to listen to. Every time, before going to bed, in order to escape from my suffering, I thought about my colleague, with whom I am sitting in the same office. I just wanted to forget myself from my husband's insults, and I also visually liked my colleague very much and was always in sight. This guy is 7 years younger than me and, of course, I couldn't even think that my fantasies would come true. But, unfortunately, at a recent corporation, we became close and became lovers. Now there is between us love affair, from which I just lose my head. I fell in love with this "youth"! I understand that I shouldn't do that, because we both have families and children, and his wife is already carrying a second child, and besides, it's funny - me grown woman, but I will introduce myself as a girl. Once I said that I wanted to break off the relationship, but he replied that he did not want this and he needed me. Of course, it's hard to believe in this, but I, naive, believe and even terribly jealous of him, constantly waiting for attention, although I understand that he does not owe me anything, because I am just a lover, and this relationship does not oblige me to anything! At the same time, my "young lover" does not hesitate to talk about how wonderful his wife is and that I concede to her. I know that you need to stop loving, to end this relationship, but how to do this when you see him all day? Please help to understand yourself.

Psychologists' Answers

Hello Svetlana. Faster of all, feeling self-worth you are not at a high level. Therefore, both men can manipulate you. The fact that you decide your sexual question with your lover is probably good for you. But you need to set boundaries and not give vent to feelings. You go to unnecessary suffering , heartache, remorse, an acute sense of sinfulness. Change your attitude to the situation. Let you be good with him, but stop there. Take from the relationship what you lack in the first relationship. And you, at the same time, take both , which is already a lot of problems.

Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist Volgograd