Dangerous ties. Should you start an office romance? If it doesn't work out. Interesting pros from an office romance

Office romance in our time - a phenomenon in corporate culture is not so rare. It is somewhat different from the usual sympathy. This difference lies, first of all, in the fact that the priority in the work sphere is still cooperation, not love. But you can't order your heart! And, if this is just sympathy, you can still somehow fight with it, but if it develops into something more and, moreover, mutual? An affair with a work colleague is usually not encouraged by other employees, because curiosity shown to him distracts from work. And (what to hide?) Such relationships often cause envy.

May be negative about such novels and the bosses, who are convinced that they are creating whole line problems. How to be? Hide your feelings or try to cope with them for the sake of others and for the sake of career growth? Let's try to figure out all the pros and cons office romance.

Office romance - advantages and disadvantages

In general, the attitude towards office romances in society is twofold. Some people are convinced that personal questions cannot be decided at work, but some are sure that this great way arrange your future well. Perhaps both are right. Romance with colleagues is often short-lived. And, if ex-lovers continue to work together, it can complicate their relationship as employees. In addition, such novels contribute to active gossip in the team, which, of course, negatively affects the overall productivity of the organization.

Nevertheless, statistics that study the personal relationships of men and women at work indicate that two-thirds of the respondents tried and are trying to arrange their personal life in offices. Some of them are still thinking about how to start an office romance, someone already has or had one, and someone even found their soul mate within the walls of the office. Oddly enough, but such a half is much more often than at a disco or on the street, they are looking for it at the workplace. This is explained quite simply: as a rule, employed people spend most of their time in the organization, among colleagues. And you can quickly figure out what these colleagues are. It is enough to solve several problems together in order to find out which character traits prevail in this or that employee. In addition, such a joint decision brings together, and similar relationships more likely to be more reliable and more durable than when meeting in other places.

As for career growth, the situation here is ambiguous. Of course, if there is an affair with the boss, a quick career advancement can be considered decided. But an affair with an employee of the same rank can reduce the level of performance due to a whole swarm of obsessive extraneous thoughts and dreams. However, it often happens that the desire of lovers to look more worthy in the eyes of their chosen one or the chosen one contributes to such achievements that they had never dreamed of before! After all, people who are carried away by their colleague rush to work to meet the subject of their passion, and are in no hurry to go home, so as not to part with this subject for a longer time. An office romance makes someone fly up to heaven and, filling with powerful energy, inspires new achievements. Therefore, today even many leaders encourage romance with a colleague. It's a great way to get the most out of your employees.

However, in order to prevent our love affairs from hurting their careers, everyone who has an affair at work should adhere to some rules.

Basic rules of office romance

If we managed to seriously fall in love with our work colleague, and he reciprocated, we must always remember: within the walls of the company it is necessary careful control over feelings. Work requires a strict distinction between personal life and professional interests. Consequently, gentle hugs, kisses, passionate glances, romantic correspondence over the Internet, sending video files with confessions and other attributes passionate love must remain outside the firm's doorstep.

All members of your team must be kept even and neutral relationship... The desire of two to isolate themselves from the whole world is natural and understandable, but such behavior is a violation of corporate ethics and can cause hostility from others. And this does not contribute to the normalization of the working atmosphere in any way. Therefore, lovers should be more restrained and not show their ardent feelings to the whole team.

At work, in no case should you sort out your relationship. If a major conflict has matured between the two, it must be resolved outside the walls of the company. Otherwise, employees will find something to gossip about on the sidelines. And then there is something to advise, so that the conflict has acquired a destructive scale. Others may inadvertently help you finish this novel, moreover, you may lose your job. Therefore, if a quarrel cannot be avoided in any way, it would be better to take a short vacation and calm down or determine who is right and who is wrong, away from the curious glances of colleagues.

Many lovers at the very beginning of the novel cannot resist the temptation to tell their colleagues about what is happening. Such frankness, if the novel turns out to be fleeting, can go sideways. Those who are privy to its details will not always start asking questions or expressing sincere sympathy... And this, - salt on the wound, which can not heal for so long. So, if you belong to the category of women that cannot resist and are ready to talk about an affair with a colleague to everyone around you, then know: it's time to end your talkativeness and start behaving a little more modestly.

Thus, it is advisable to devote others to the details of your relationships only when there is confidence in the seriousness of the novel. It is better to keep silent about light flirting. And as novels with colleagues, implying betrayal of a husband or wife, should generally be avoided. And if, nevertheless, it happened, in no case should the secret be revealed.

In the same case, if the office romance leaves no doubt about its strength and lasts for a long time, it is possible to inform both the authorities and employees about it. This will eliminate unnecessary speculation based rumors. In addition, in many organizations, joint vacations and transfers to some other departments are provided for close people.

And, finally, one more rule regarding the collapse of employee falling in love, which, unfortunately, happens very often - statistics say that almost half of such relationships turned out to be hopeless. How to end an office romance as painlessly as possible if the former lover is still a colleague? First of all, you need to pull yourself together and establish with him companionship... Neither dramatic scenes nor the initiation of the team into the details of their relationship with them at work are acceptable. In the event that such a style of behavior is not within the power, and daily meetings with ex-lover analogous to a terrible torture, there is only one way out: to see him as little as possible. First you need to try to go on vacation. If this does not help, you will have to look for another job. Otherwise, the wounds from an unsuccessful romance will not heal for a very long time. And this will interfere not only with you personally, but also with your work.

An office romance, of course, may well become fateful. And you should not be afraid of him, diligently killing the nascent love in yourself. After all, it comes suddenly and overtakes us anywhere. You just need to be a little more careful, because the novel in the service is especially vulnerable and susceptible to influence from the outside. Love is a fragile and tender feeling. And it is in dire need of protection.

Office romances look romantic in the movies and on the pages women's magazines... In reality, “informal” relationships often complicate life. According to unofficial statistics, only 13% of office romances end in marriage, another 7% - civil marriage... In other cases, only an annoying aftertaste is observed.

If you are receiving romantic vibes from a coworker and the coworker seems attractive to you, think about this. Whether the relationship will develop or not is a question. And if it doesn't work out, then you will still work together. Imagine what it would be like to remember the breakup every day. It is even more pleasant to know once that your former love started an affair or started a marriage relationship ...

Cons of an office romance

Gossip... They will be required. Moreover, the whispering will begin even before you have a joint romantic dinner... Even if we are talking about flirting without consequences, each sign of attention will be given a special meaning. Did the boss give you a lift home because you were very late at work because of his assignment? Gave you a coat? Smiled warmer than usual? Be prepared for the imagination of your co-workers to willingly paint something that does not exist. And if there is ...

Difficulty concentrating on work... This concerns women more than men, although this is individual. The working day has begun, and I think that my manicure is not fresh and my eyes have circles, and my beloved will see it ... As a result, I am at the workplace, but my thoughts are not, which inevitably affects productivity.

You are constantly in each other's field of vision(if you work in one department). And then, inevitably, you begin to "spy" on your loved one. Why is he chatting so warmly with the new employee? Why, after negotiations, one of the partners smiled seductively at her, handing her a business card? Distractions and annoyances at work are on the rise. Which inevitably affects emotional state and productivity.

This could be manipulation... You should never discount the fact that, showing attention to you, a colleague may pursue selfish goals. Especially if you are a leader and can contribute to the career advancement of someone who shows sympathy. It also happens in a different way: by showing warmth, the manager "motivates" the employee for productive work (most often a woman turns out to be the motivated one, but, again, options are possible). At the same time, the leader prudently maintains a distance, seemingly not stopping to courtship, but the female imagination is so easy to “feed” ... Of course, you should not turn into paranoid and see manipulation behind every smile, but just in case it makes sense to keep this in mind.

If your sympathy for a colleague is mutual and serious, you can always find the golden mean ... For example, completely take informal relationships outside the office. Agree on this right away: do not show signs of attention to each other in public, do not text each other on Skype every 15 minutes during the working day, etc. Strong relationships usually try to protect them from risks by changing jobs (sooner or later). However, here, too, each couple makes decisions exclusively individually.

Love is the most precious feeling in the world. And the author of the article does not call for abandoning it in favor of work. When it comes to sincere, deep affection - what you found in each other soul mates Is a completely different story. However, we are sure that having met true love, people do not have to decide "either - or".

People meet in the most ridiculous situations and places. Dating and further romantic relationships between a man and a woman are generally the most interesting and very surprising phenomenon.

About places of acquaintances and further relations you can talk and list endlessly. Just like oh romantic dates, love games and so on and so forth. People in love do not see anything around, they get lost in space, in time and among other people, sometimes forgetting where they are and how to behave in these places. Especially it concerns romantic relationship on initial stage their development.

A man can seduce a woman, and vice versa, a woman can seduce a man anywhere: in a cafe, at a party, on the subway, on a bus, in educational institution, at a bus stop, anywhere. The same number includes work. new employee, at the corporate party a spark ran, a spark ran among the working atmosphere, and here you are love affair at work.

An office romance has its advantages, but also its disadvantages. And before starting an office romance, it is better to think carefully about whether it is worth doing. And to decide correctly, weigh the pros and cons. It may be better to give up all relationships. And for this, try to deal with the positive and negative sides.

So, pros... Office romance is good as follows:
1. Always a loved one is at hand. He is not absent from work, or on a business trip, or with friends, or for some other common reason. He is always there, and his exact location is known.
2. There are common interests, as common is work. There is something to discuss, there is something to talk about.
3. Confidence in your attractiveness. When there are failures in personal life, having an affair at work can offer hope that all is not lost.
4. Ability to return old relationship... It's about a situation where romance at work can reconnect a crumbling relationship. A new stream of emotions and sensations gives life to the old.
5. Complete confidence in the inner world person. A colleague is visible at a glance for a long time, you know his pros and cons. There is an advantage here over the relationship with by a stranger on early stage novel.

Not bad. Now minuses.
1. All relationships take place in front of all employees. This means that everyone knows everything, and takes an indirect part in the novel. They know when you had a fight, when you have or will date, and so on.
2. There is a confusion between work and personal life. You start to get distracted from straight lines job responsibilities which can lead to problems.
3. If the romance is over, it will be very difficult every day to see someone with whom it was once good. And it is not very pleasant to experience pain every day.
4. Having an affair at work, you can lose the respect of employees. And if someone else likes your chosen one / darling, you can also acquire enemies.
5. A very small percentage of the transition of relations to more serious ones. There are few people who want to join their destiny with their colleague for life. This will mean that the other half will be with you around the clock, which is difficult and will soon lead to a loss of interest.
6. Having an affair at work, you will always be in the center of gossip.
7. There is always the possibility that bosses will not approve of mixing work with personal. And it is not known how gently he will react to this. He will have every right to complete all of this, including by dismissal. If the romance is with the authorities, then he can also decide everything in favor of dismissal at the end of the novel.

Here are all sides of a romance at work. It's up to you whether or not to have an affair at work. And before you start it, think about the fact that people go to work in order to work!

Our expert - psychologist Vadim Razumovsky.

Do not look for a wife in a round dance ...

"Do not look for a wife in a round dance, but look in the garden" - says the Russian folk proverb... It means that potential satellite life is desirable to check "in action." Many Russians do just that. Our compatriots willingly get to know their future husbands and wives directly at the workplace.

This is exactly what happened in the life of the Petersburg resident Viktor. A travel agency where, after graduating from the Faculty of History, the young man worked as a tour guide, rented two rooms in a large business center. There was a cafe very close to the historian's workplace, where Galina worked as an assistant cook and was often involved in serving dishes.

Young people saw each other almost daily. “To be honest, at first I didn’t pay attention to Galochka, because I always liked girls of a completely different appearance,” says Victor. - But then I began to look closely at her and was surprised to find out how politely, calmly, benevolently, with an invariable smile, she serves the guests. She had a kind word for every visitor. "

Several times Victor witnessed how overly fastidious eaters came across Galina. But thanks to her sense of humor and calm, peaceful disposition, the girl always easily settled all conflicts and misunderstandings. It was these qualities that made the man sympathize with the stranger.

Watching colleagues

For a long time, the shy historian could not find a reason to meet the pretty barmaid. But one day he plucked up courage and invited Galina to take part in an excursion, where he acted as a guide. Two years ago, Victor and Galina became husband and wife. The young woman continues to work part-time in a cafe, but at present the main business of her life is studying at the history department of the university, where she entered under the influence of her husband.

Pavel and Larisa also met at work. “Everything happened quite naturally,” says a resident of Krasnodar. “We are both architects by profession. After graduating from the institute, they did an internship in one architectural bureau, then they stayed there to work. " Larissa admits that Paul was not her "love at first sight." But young people had a lot common interests and hobbies, they liked the same films and books, they had the same views on modern architecture. Gradually, a serious feeling was born from the friendship of colleagues.

The advantage of office romances is the ability to observe the future partner from the sidelines for a long time, as if “from hiding,” and only then take steps to get closer. In the office, you can understand how he or she will behave in stressful situation what will do during an emergency. This "test drive" allows you to draw conclusions about the possible behavior of a person in family life... The modest position of an assistant chef gave Galina the opportunity to prove herself as a person with a benevolent character and nerves of steel. Many men dream of such a wife. And Victor did not miss his chance.

Not a place for "tricks"?

In some companies, management is trying to eradicate the slightest manifestations of flirting between employees and prevent the emergence of office romances.

Employers believe that “tricks” at work distract employees from production process... Like, in work time you need to think about business, and not look around at cute handsome men from the next department and charming beauties sitting at neighboring tables ...

And I must admit that in last years office romances in Russia have decreased. It's not just negative attitude bosses. In many organizations, a spirit of fierce, relentless competition spreads among employees. In these conditions, people are no longer up to office romances.

However, it is pointless to struggle with office romances. Although there are fewer of them, they will never completely disappear. Coming to the office, people do not become soulless cogs of the production machine, but remain men and women who cannot be prohibited from flirting, falling in love and starting families.

“Once at a meeting, my glasses flew out, and Dima the system administrator, calmly taking a set of miniature screwdrivers out of his pocket, immediately repaired everything. Then he reinstalled the program for me. Later I fixed my home laptop. He talked about how a local network works and what funny requests come from users. "Lures, sly" - then I thought, but it was too late. I could no longer live without his care and fell in love like a girl. Before that, all the system administrators seemed to me to be people from another planet. Now everyone tells me that an office romance is a risk. How to be?" Alena, 25 years old.

So what? Interesting topic... Let's find out what the “job attachments” lead to? Is it worth it or not to start an office romance? And if feelings have already flared up, how best to protect yourself and your loved one?

Cons of office romances

Emotions mixed with work is a ticking time bomb

Martin Chilcott, a professor at Oxford Business School, says: "If you want to be successful in business, you should only have those in your office who are least interested in their personal lives." In other words, falling in love with our colleague, we are unlikely to be able to curb our emotions. And if we do, we will be overpowered immediately obsessive thoughts like: “Where is he now?”, “Why didn't he smile in the morning?”, “Do I really look good today?”, “Where is my lipstick? Yes, not this one, but another. Now he will see me unpainted! ”... Emotions and obsessive thoughts will take away from you the lion's share of your strength and attention, so much so that they will not be enough for work. As a result, you run the risk of disrupting deadlines, missing something important from the flow of work information. There is also a risk that in the office you will begin to react to the words and remarks of your chosen one subjectively, that is, under the influence of emotions and feelings.

What to do?

Separate work and personal life. Agree that all suggestions, complaints about the quality of work relate only to the work. This is not a discussion of your personality, not a desire to humiliate or offend. There are shortcomings in the work, they need to be corrected, and not offended. If you live together, agree to leave all work scripts at the office. And in order to accustom yourself to this, refuse to discuss matters in free time... And yes, try not to quarrel in the morning, as there is a high probability of ruining each other's working mood for the whole day.

Relationships "under a magnifying glass"

Are you missing the spotlight? Then fall in love with a colleague. It is known that in office life, all conflicts, intrigues and increased attention are the result of a long stay of people in a confined space. People have nowhere to put their energy, so it ricochets at others. Therefore, if you start an office intrigue, wait for the audience. Spy glances from behind monitors, pointed ears, skimming through the contents of your desk while you are away, and storming the local folder of your department / service, and social pages on the Internet for interesting photos and records.

What to do?

Maintain confidentiality. Don't show off your personal life, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Not during working hours, not at lunch, not on social media. And it is advisable not to be interested in the opinion of other colleagues about your choice. Even if colleagues are yours best friends... Also, you should not publicly show excessive emotions, tenderness, give gifts to each other. It is better to invite on dates in writing or without witnesses. Be sure to turn off your mail when you go out, do not leave incriminating things on the table ( general photos, gifts, etc.). Answer direct questions from colleagues about your life calmly and confidently: "This is a personal question."

Parting pain

If suddenly your relationship fails, it will be unbearable to see every day a person with whom you once felt good.

What to do?

You can move to another department, branch, or change jobs radically. Or not at all start office romances, if you do not vouch for your sensitivity.

The pros of an office romance

Partner in business

If the subject of your potential affection works with you in the same organization, do not rush into the pool with your head, but watch. How does he behave, how does he speak with others, does he use bad language, does he know how to convince an opponent, how does he communicate with his superiors, how does he work (with inspiration or not), is he responsible, how does he behave in stress and time pressure situations? All this information will help you if you are planning a long-term serious relationship.

Always near

An item for especially anxious and jealous people. Your admirer will mostly be near you, or you will almost always know his whereabouts. Also, he will not hide behind work, an urgent meeting or a business trip if he wants to "take a break" from you. You can always find out the truth. You will also know all of his colleagues.

Additional help

For example, thanks to Dmitry Alena, I thoroughly understood 1C, studied Photoshop, and learned how to print large stands. She also now knows almost everything about phishing attacks and will never insert paper with clips into the printer, because she knows how difficult it is to pull them out of there.

Help in personal life

If a person has problems in his personal life, and an office romance is just flaring up, signs of attention will give confidence in their attractiveness and raise self-esteem. Also, there are many cases where the beginning office romance helped to restore old crumbling relationships.

Whether or not to start an office romance is up to you. If you think that he / she is your destiny, do not miss your chance. And don't forget about safety precautions. And then everything will be fine.