"I am to blame for everyone": the habit of being "bad" goes back to childhood
The habit of apologizing, out of place and out of place, can put you in an ambiguous position and even seriously harm you. Why?
You can be called a super-polite person, because you constantly, with or without reason, say to others: "Sorry." Do you think that others will appreciate your good manners? No matter how it is!
It's one thing when your “I'm sorry” is dictated by necessity: you really let your friend down, poured a bowl of soup on your husband, or made a mistake at work. But when you mumble an apology to a shop assistant, it's a little weird. What are you sorry for? For the fact that the seller will serve you, that is, will do exactly what he is paid for? Or you apologize in transport to a passenger who stepped on your foot in the flea market. What are you sorry for? For not being able to shrink and take up less volume? It is all the more strange, turning to your superiors on a business issue, to mutter "sorry" as if you were ashamed of the fact that you, such an insignificant fry, dared to raise your voice ...
It would be fine if this apology was beneficial to you. Unfortunately, this is not the case ...
Why are you apologizing?
You are ashamed. For their physical parameters, for your success, for your beliefs. As if what you earn more money than a girlfriend is shameful. As if the fact that you have a large bust is your fault.
Are you scared. It is scary that you will be misunderstood or yelled at. But you are so good, you so want to be liked by everyone! And the saleswoman, and the boss, and the guy in the cafe.
You want to be noticed. You seriously consider yourself such an insignificant person, to whose words the chef will never pay attention, that you try to draw his attention to your person with the word “excuse me”.
You express your emotions. You are somehow embarrassed to admit out loud that you are angry or angry, you are not used to showing your emotions to others. Therefore, you want them, those around them, to understand how you feel. To do this, you pronounce the word "sorry" in such a special tone that everyone guesses what you mean.
Your expectations
It turns out that you are not apologizing for no reason because of overwhelming politeness. Your desire is to please people. Even if you do not realize it, on subconscious level A constant apology is a sign of low self-esteem. After all, the word "I'm sorry" means that you have some kind of fault. Before you say it, think: what am I to blame? Most likely nothing.
What are you getting?
The funny thing is that by constantly apologizing, you not only do not make the impression that you expect to make, but also ... exacerbate the situation! Instead of sympathy for you, a person may feel annoyed: well, how tired I am of her with her apologies! Or even more contempt: if she is so cursing to me, then she really is nothing compared to me! Or, even worse, the person may suspect that you are really guilty of something. And if you say “I'm sorry” with a special intonation, as if you are offended or unhappy, your interlocutor may become confused or angry, suspecting you of manipulation.
How to stop apologizing all the time?
The habit of apologizing is very persistent, in order to get rid of it, for some time you will have to constantly monitor your words, catching the moment when “sorry” is about to come off your lips. Try to come up with a phrase that would replace the word "sorry." Most often, any other polite words will be appropriate:
"Excuse me, show me that handkerchief" - "Please show me that handkerchief."
"Sorry, move a little" - "Be kind, move."
Another good substitute is to express your intentions using an active self:
"Sorry, I should discuss" - "I wanted to discuss with you."
And what to do now?
Nobody bites her, really. I have heightened feeling guilt in front of her (I work, I gave birth to a sister, she has something to do with it ...), I am ashamed for every comment I make to her ... 4.30 am, from 7.50 am and dad. There may be a lot of comments, but 300% is not pecking. Everyone adores her.
Then it's more likely my mother, she constantly feels guilty of something. But nothing has changed for me or for her in the last couple of months. And besides, we don't behave like that. Of course, I apologize to Libi if, for example, I sometimes hurt her when I comb her head of hair, or when I carried her out of the bathroom and kicked her out the door. But this kind of thing rarely happens ....
Maybe so. Perhaps she is worried about something, but she cannot explain what exactly. Or she needs to apologize to you for something, but for what specifically - she does not understand (after all, this happens with adults), and therefore is looking for reasons. Or maybe something happened when you weren't around? With grandmothers, at a mug? Something that touched her and now she is looking for your support?
Well, 100 no, I'm not there. But I don't think ...
In addition, no one will know this situation when I tell them, neither grandmothers nor dad. Apparently only with me. It is true that she is still very much my child, I am more important to her than everyone else - so, probably, everything sticks out with me the most ... Or maybe it’s me who is doing something? I don’t want her to grow up with a sense of guilt and feel that she owes something to everyone, corresponds to something, and so on. What did she do? Did you try to whine and not go to bed?
Maybe when she tried to blame me on the responsibility - like she just wanted one cartoon, but I turned everything on for an hour and I told her that this was not true, then she decided ... But what can you solve this ????
Like Avona, I also have guilt, and my mom has
It looks like a vicious circle
Well, try to deal with your guilt. Start with yourself - and everything will gradually form!
Or tell my daughter there: you know, I also have this feeling, I can imagine how difficult it is for you! Only God forbid you to blame yourself for your own and her feelings of guilt! Well, it happens that we are not all angels.
And also, I think, everything should be considered objectively, well, in a business-like manner. Not "what are you, what are you, you did nothing, absolutely nothing bad," but somehow differently. For example, you see, you really played longer than expected, and when you flirt, you get very tired, but it’s really more pleasant not to get tired so much, then it’s easier to sleep, right? and then listen to what she has to say.
... or "yes, you played too hard, but you are trying, you are great!" And I, her mother, are also great!
There are two points here, it seems to me - one that it is hard for her with by their own choice, and she gets upset that she chose this way and not otherwise, and is trying to change what she has already chosen, but now she wants something else, but she cannot, and there are no guilty ones - so she gets upset, while apparently feeling guilty in front of you for trying "to cheat" - like I chose only one cartoon.
It seems to me that this is a natural stage of growing up, to bear responsibility for your choice, and the more often this will happen in Everyday life, the better, and the sooner she gets used to it.
The second point to which I would pay attention in this situation is the element unconditional love... It is important to make her understand that there is a division between her as a person and her behavior. And when you make comments, this applies only to behavior, but in no case affects your love for her, as for a daughter, for a person. Phrases like: "you know, dad and I always love you, no matter what. But this particular behavior of yours needs to be corrected to ..." Never scold her with general phrases, like a bad girl, always separate the behavior. In the situation that you describe, for example, it was possible to say - how can you do us badly, you are our beloved daughter, sometimes we would like to correct some of your behavior, but this does not mean that you did us badly "
We always play with her, I love you to America, and I love you to Mars. Bad girl never said ...
Dad does not believe in all sorts of psychological troubles, that he thinks and says. But he adores her, so he naturally cannot say something bad about her and not about her behavior.
Then do not worry too much, she is a very responsible girl, apparently :) I have the same one :)
You can ask her what she means when she thinks that she “did you badly”, explain that this is not the point, but that and that, in this vein, and of course continue to “bathe: her in your universal love, when it is, all problems can be solved.
She apparently just grows up and begins to understand what it means to do someone "bad" or "good", that is, these questions start to worry her - this is great, IMHO :)
maybe someone said something like "if you cheat, your mom will feel bad (mom dies)"?
about turning off at 7.50 a little advice:
be sure to warn five minutes before you turn off that the end is soon. and it is better to first warn you two or three times with a reminder of what you will do next.
Well, I don’t know who can say such nonsense. I try to explain to her that a lie is worse than a misdemeanor and if she did something, she can be scolded, but if she lies like that without ice cream for today. But from here to the fact that someone feels bad ...
Yes, we warn you. All the same, in the last 3 minutes, after the last past 4 minutes, which after the last 5 minutes suddenly starts roaring, you don’t understand me if she’s tired or I’m hungry, play, finish, poop, UUUUFFFFF if she’s still on her feet
I'm not sure if this is your case, but apologies can sometimes also be manipulation (not necessarily deliberate). Those. my daughter tried different ways to get her way - to delay laying down (she said that she was hungry, said that she wanted to play, shouted - nothing worked for you. Most likely, she turned herself on in this way, felt that she was wrong, but admit it and just going to the bathroom is a very mature behavior that not every adult is capable of). Then she begins to apologize and cry, gets emotional release, her mother hugs her, calms her down. As a result, they regretted the child, she is good, and my mother has a sense of guilt ... 1-0 in her favor.
Forgive me for being so indistinct somehow. It's just that I got such a feeling from the description of the situation.
Well, I don’t know how to fight, because I don’t know what kind of situation you have.
In principle, how to deal with any manipulations? Do not be fooled by them (easy to say:) ... Children feel very well where their mother is weakness.
Mom understands that she is right, while the child misbehaves, argues, screams, and as soon as the child changes tactics, asks for forgiveness with tears, the mother begins to feel guilty - that's how good child, all he asked for was some trifle, but I brought him to tears (very rude and simplistic, of course) .. The child feels it and uses it.
It seems to me that you can try several options: firstly, if possible, do not bring the child to such a situation, do not push the child against the wall, give the opportunity to "save face".
Secondly, to understand own feelings... Why exactly this kind of manipulation with mom "works", why does this behavior hurt and change something in yourself, in your thoughts.
How often, in a fit of anger, parents say words to their children that penetrate deeply into the mind, hurt, leaving a mark on long years... As a result of the wrong actions of adults, the child becomes aggressive, his self-esteem decreases, and his parents cease to be an authority for him. How can you avoid this? Let's look at 7 mistakes that adults make during quarrels with their children, and then try not to repeat them.
1. Focusing on personality, not on actions
When a kid does wrong, parents often tell him that he is bad, they say phrases like "I don't need such a child!" or "You are a terrible boy!" With such statements, mothers and fathers hurt their children. It is important that the baby understands that it is not he himself that is bad, but the act that he has done that causes disapproval of the parents.
2. Shifting the blame on children
Sometimes during strong irritation parents begin to scold children for what, in fact, they are not to blame. For example, a mother forgot to remove a plate or a cup from the table, and the baby, running past, touched her, she fell and broke. Or another case - dad allowed to pet neighbor's dog, and he bit the baby. And so dad scolds the child - don't you know that a dog can bite? Who is to blame in this case? Is it a child? Why should he be scolded or punished? Shifting the blame from themselves to their children, parents will be able to achieve only one thing - over time, their child will do the same, he will not admit his mistakes. I think everyone will remember a situation when you have to scold yourself, and we scold the child.
3. Demonstrating your superiority
Adults often demonstrate their own superiority to their children, which makes them feel inferior and humiliated, annoyed and resentful. This can be illustrated by the example of such a situation when one of the parents, taking the toy away from the child, puts it on the closet or where the child cannot get it himself. What happens to the child at this time? He is in despair, he feels his own powerlessness and deep resentment, he begins. You need to help the baby cope with his feelings, and the parents aggravate the situation even more, leaving him alone so that he thinks over his behavior.
4. Punishment by deprivation of material wealth
Do you use this technique - by promising to buy a toy for your son or daughter, you take your words back if the child misbehaved? Most parents do this in order to obtain obedience from their children. But is it right? Undoubtedly this way helps to quickly put children in place, but what prompts them to obey - do they think about the feelings of the father and mother? No, in this situation, the child is only worried about own benefits... When he gets older, he will understand that it is better to please his parents, so as not to be deprived of material wealth, not out of respect for elders. At the same time, the teenager will accumulate his own feelings, resentment, anger and irritation inside himself. Never punish children by depriving them of material things, but teach them to respect your feelings, explain why you need to do this and not otherwise.
5. Aggression, rudeness, physical punishment
If, during a quarrel with a child, mom or dad lose control over themselves, make rude statements, shout, use force to educate, then the children adopt their way of acting. They learn from their parents that in critical situation loss of control over oneself is the norm that the one who is stronger, who shouts louder and expresses himself more rudely turns out to be right. While the child is small, it seems that such educational measures work, but in fact, the baby is simply frightened by the reaction of the parents, so he behaves well. Young children cannot fight back adults - hitting, shouting, but when they grow up, you should expect a similar rebuff from them.
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6. Demand an apology when the parents themselves do not.
To teach children something, you need to set a personal example for them. Parents will not be able to instill in their child the habit of asking forgiveness for their actions if they themselves do not do it. With everyone, there are situations when, under the influence of fatigue or irritation, we can utter a bunch of hurtful words to children. After an argument, we regret what we said, so why not tell your daughter or son: “Forgive me, I told you hurtful words I don't really think about you that way. " What will follow after this? Usually kids also apologize for bad behavior hugging parents. Ask for forgiveness even when both parties are to blame, do it first so that the children follow your example.
Frankly, I myself sometimes break down and say hurtful words to my daughter, which I later regret. But I always try to apologize for them. I say to my daughter: “Forgive me, please. I got angry and told you not at all what I really think. ”The daughter usually apologizes at this moment too:“ Mommy, and you forgive me. I was so capricious and behaved very badly. It was unpleasant for you. Will you excuse me? " And we usually hug.
In situations where we were both good, I usually apologize first. And at the same time I do not reproach my daughter, I do not say that she was also wrong. The daughter herself already admits her part of the guilt in such situations and asks for forgiveness.
7. Use of humiliating punishments
When the kid is guilty, he is punished, but this must be done correctly. When applying educational measures, use the rule - it is better to deprive the child of what is good than to make him bad. For example, it is better to refuse a kid watching cartoons or reading at night than to raise his voice and spank. Remember - you cannot humiliate a child by punishing him, so never scold children in the presence of strangers. If you are in a crowded place, and the baby is behaving very badly, either postpone parenting for later, or step aside and talk to him quietly.
Many mistakes can be made in raising children, because we are all human. Great for reducing the amount conflict situations a simple rule - before you say something to the children, tell it to yourself. When the situation is heating up, scroll this phrase in your head, it will help to stop at the right moment, which means avoiding mistakes. By applying this rule, you will notice that the children will begin to show respect, their self-esteem will increase, they will begin to control their words.
"School for young fathers": "How to quarrel with a child correctly"
Major mistakes in parenting
Note to moms!
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Hello! I ask for help or advice! The child is 10 years old. Over the past two months, I have changed into a different person. If something doesn't work out, she freaks out or cries, emotions go wild. Became interested in the topic of sex - they bought a book, answered all the questions, the topic seemed to be closed. But most importantly, he constantly feels guilty. For example, I explain to him - you can't look at mom as a woman, she is a mom, so now, even if he accidentally looks at my legs or chest, he runs almost with tears, I am to blame, I looked. Or recently there was a psychosis because of the lessons, out of anger that he did not understand and did not have time, he scratched his hand, said that he did it in order not to cry, but switched in this way, gave out emotions as best he could. She explained, we talked for a very long time on this topic, now he accidentally knocks somewhere, runs again, I can already see in his face that now he will say that he is to blame, he didn’t want to, it happened. But it seems to me that when you say you can’t, it’s as if these obsessive thoughts climb into the head, and he seems to be balancing on the verge of "no" and "want", and after that - a feeling of guilt. I am very tired of this, I endure it as best I can, I control myself, then I break down, scream, threaten that I will take to the doctor, deprive my tablet, etc. Help, please, what to do? How to behave? He promises every day that I don't need to tell me every little thing, that he is not to blame for anything, the next day is Groundhog Day. Thanks in advance for the answers. (Yes, I forgot to say, maybe it's important, I am an authoritarian mother, just like mine, and I bring up my son quite strictly).
Hello, Natalia! at problem behavior child - you need to pay attention to the behavior of the PARENTS! It is important for you to pay attention to yourself and your reactions, the child feels guilty FOR YOUR feelings, FOR YOUR condition - for the fact that you endure, keep silent, break down, threaten. Now the unstable state of the child is caused precisely by the increased authoritarianism on your part. You should work out the image of the mother, understand your reactions, your behavior - and the state of the child is a mirror of those emotions and the state in which HE is. You speak with the child in the language of prohibitions and permissions, punishing him and NOT trying to help him ACCEPT himself. You see in the fact that HE LOOKS at you already as a threat - even the incident with his mother - HE CANNOT look at you as a woman - YOU told him that HE SHOULD NOT do THIS - did he do it? it turns out incredible for a child emotional reaction and he DOES NOT know how to react to himself and how to behave, so as not to fall under your rejection! You should go to a psychotherapist in person, and with a child to a pediatric neuropsychiatrist (you need a doctor to assess his condition, it is emotionally unstable, so before you start working with a psychologist, you need a doctor's consultation)! This problem needs to be addressed - to change the entire system of relations, including between you and the child, and you with yourself!
Shenderova Elena Sergeevna, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0Hello, Natalya. You answered your question yourself. You, when you were two or three years old, rewarded your child with a feeling of neurotic guilt. problems.Tk how the attitude towards life is formed by the mother. And you have formed a rule - Life must be afraid, everything is dangerous in it. And you are weak and helpless. Now, if you want, you need to change everything. This is done only in a family environment. In an atmosphere of trust .It is important for a child to regain trust in his mother. And you return to him warmth and adoration. The ability to love him just like that, and not for his merits. Then, after about a year of a new family atmosphere, the child will begin to change. Whether you are ready for this will depend on you. ...
Karataev Vladimir Ivanovich, psychologist at the Volgograd psychoanalytic school
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Natalia, hello.
The behavior described by you makes me assume that you should make an appointment with your son to see an endocrinologist (!) And a neurologist (!). In order to exclude the physiological components of such behavior. 10 years difficult age where several lines are connected active development... Physiology, psyche. Everything is now undergoing rapid changes. 10-11 years is the beginning of puberty, adolescence... The son on his own may not cope with the emotions that have washed over him, which, moreover, quickly change to the opposite. Relationships with others are changing. A new system begins to build.
Be softer with him now, be more tolerant.
Natalia
But most importantly, he constantly feels guilty. For example, I explain to him - you can't look at mom as a woman, she is a mom, so now, even if he accidentally looks at my legs or chest, he runs almost with tears, I am to blame, I looked.
Feelings of guilt in in this case quite understandable. Because perhaps in your own words you gave him the installation that he "accidentally" (ie accidentally) violates strict prohibition... Does something completely inappropriate. This is not the case. After all, he cannot not look (stare) at you. Otherwise, you need to isolate him from you so that he could not even accidentally look at you. Perhaps it is worth talking about it a little differently. "Yes, mom is a woman. Besides mom, there are many women around. The difference is that you are associated with mom. family ties... There are no such connections with other women. But they are possible. With mom and other relatives, there can be no other ties, except for relatives. Because there is a ban on this, it is unnatural. But if you look at your mother, nothing bad will happen. It's not your fault that you now want to look at all the women. Changes are taking place in your body that force you to do this. But it is important that you understand what I have told you. "
I would also like to draw your attention to the fact that during the interaction between you and your son, you experience some kind of feelings and sensations. For example, the awkwardness of his looks. Tell him about it, about your feelings. "I'm embarrassed when you look at me."
Hand scratching is a manifestation of auto-aggression. Those. aggression has a different direction, but since it cannot be manifested on someone else, then the son hurts himself. Just like his desire to cry was based on resentment towards someone. On the one who, in his opinion, put him in such a limiting framework in which he is forced to do so many lessons and worry about his misunderstanding (to experience his own imperfection), and because he is so bad, does not have time to meet the deadline perform the task. With this it is worth contacting a psychologist.
Elena A. Afinogenova, psychologist, Moscow
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0 
Hello, Natalia! Your desire to explain everything to the child, to give him support in life, what is good and what is bad, is very commendable. However, unfortunately, not all things are solved so easily, that is, by explanation and indication. You described a very tragic thing: a child cannot cope with his feelings ... And what are you doing? You are trying to destroy his experiences, say that it is impossible, that is, you cannot worry ... It is very good that you have "Groundhog Day", that is, your son cannot cope and still worries! Change your answers to your son a little. Don't say NO to him, but YES. Yes, you are having sexual experiences. This happens. Let them go to my mother now, I love you very much, but I cannot answer that. Then you will have a girl who will answer you. Yes, you feel guilty, but this is nature. I'm glad that you are growing with me ... and so on ... Stop talking and education about sex or reduce them to simple explanations as needed. Themselves in parallel, think about how you can captivate your son, take him more constructive and creative. Just do it not importunately or authoritarian, but try to get carried away with him. Let you be interested in something together, and he will have something of his own. Do not interfere with this "your". The boy is growing up and he should have more and more of his own. It is important that he knows that you will not blame him, that you accept his growing up, maturing.
Best regards, Natalia Istranova, psychologist Moscow
Good answer 5 Bad answer 0 
Your child's guilt is a combination of several factors. At least one of them is that you placed on him much more responsibility from a very early age than he was capable of. In the case when the parents overload the child with an unbearable responsibility, he develops a basic anxiety and self-doubt, and the feeling of guilt over it is based.
And his feeling of guilt for being sexually active has the same root. Even adults (the vast majority) could hardly master the control of their sexuality based on verbal explanations and books. Experience, practice, patient repetition and personal example help more here. Now, when you are annoyed with your son, when you yourself are embarrassed and feel confused, when you meet with the manifestation of his sexuality, and at the same time you demand from him that he handle her better than you know how to do it yourself - they drive him into a dead end, find the only way out of which for him is self-accusation and auto-aggression.
Second important point- this is what the boy's father is and what kind of relationship he has with him. You don't write anything about him. This suggests that in his relationship with his father, your son also has grounds for anxiety and tension.
The third factor is the high sensitivity of your son's psyche. She makes him highly susceptible to any criticism in his address and to his own failures. In order to teach a child with such a psyche to live in harmony with himself and other people, it is necessary to develop in himself the sensitivity and delicacy of your governing and educational influences on him.
Summarizing the above, Natalya, I recommend that you take the course individual work with a psychologist, starting by freeing your own femininity from anxiety, and then you naturally and personal example you will be able to show your son how harmoniously and naturally a person can deal with his sexuality.
You can contact me, I will be glad to help you,
Sincerely,
Alekhina Elena Vasilievna, consultations in Moscow and in skype
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0What responsibility should be for your actions, how important it is to convey to baby understanding what he is doing wrong? Whether to teach the child Apologize? And if you teach, then how to do it right? Many parents ask these questions. The answer is, of course, the same - teach to apologize and as early as possible. Indeed, from the elementary use of the phrase "excuse me, please" can completely change his life. It is believed that a person who constantly apologizes as a result, more constrained and constricted. In this case, the question arises as to whether how to apologize correctly when appropriate and when not. Parents can learn more about this topic in this article.
Is it important to teach a child to apologize?
Child is born and lives in society, and this implies adherence general rules and laws, the presence of moral and moral One of these skills is admitting a mistake and apologies... Just at the moment when your even three-year-old baby asks for forgiveness for a spilled cup of tea or for not calculating his strength, he crashes into a person on the playground and knocks him down - into words of apology he expresses and forms regret for the situation.
Be able to ask for forgiveness Is a complex process that consists of moral, social and personal aspects. This skill must be developed back in early childhood... Not all children know how, know and want to ask for forgiveness. For some to apologize- you need to step over yourself and, in some way, infringe on your pride.
This happens for the following reasons:
- Not understanding your guilt. This is especially true for children of early and preschool age. Children often do not understand what they did wrong and why it is necessary Apologize... Thus, they absolutely do not understand why to apologize and how to do it if (in his opinion) he is not to blame.
- Imitation of adults. The child draws a lot, if not everything, from the family. And if it is not accepted in it apologize in front of each other, then child takes it like code of conduct... That is, if you yourself are not apologize to the child, for something, then he will not do it. Indeed, from the point of view of the baby, this will be considered the norm.
- Character, transition period. Children with stubbornness, even understanding their guilt, can do not apologize for your actions... Adults should be found with such children special approach... Or, in time, it does the opposite. In this case, it is worth waiting out this wave and trying to create trusting and friendly relations in the family. So that when you come home, your teenager can relax and unwind.
- Empathy is not developed. Here compassion and apology are closely intertwined. If child does not feel, does not understand someone else's pain, then he will not understand why apologize... Explain to children what is happening from early childhood. You hurt yourself, tell me that you hit painfully and now you feel hurt, it hurts, and you need to be sorry. Empathy for other people and their problems will set a vector of development in which child will not grow up to be a prim egoist, but a real person.
Ask for forgiveness and apologize for their misdeeds is required skill, which would rather make life easier for a person than complicate it. This skill is required to baby had friends so that he could adequately resolve conflicts. Therefore, adults should pay Special attention on this question and tackle it as early as possible.
How to teach a child to apologize correctly
You can find such a situation that child like and asks for forgiveness, says the words apologies, but does not understand why. Often these children simply want to escape the punishment of adults. And for them, these are just words that relieve them of responsibility. To teach a child to apologize correctly, to understand the whole situation, the help of adults is needed. It is they who are obliged to give the child the foundations of morality.
How to teach to apologize?
- From early childhood, children should be shown personal example. Apologize to the children, if they were wrong, to apologize to each other, if they broke down and had a fight. A simple example of behavior will lay the foundation for understanding the very essence on an intuitive level.
- Read to children fiction on this topic and its further discussion. It is important to lay children basis of the concept of words " sorry", "sorry". But it is even more important to tell and show how it is necessary to correctly apologize, when it is appropriate. After all, it is not enough to pour words of apology, you need to do it certain situations when the occasion calls for it.
- Correct apology involves negotiating its reasons. For example: "Forgive me that I took away your toy, because you yourself have not played enough yet. And you were very unpleasant and insulting." In this case baby apologizing admits his guilt and understands why he is asking for forgiveness. He sees the situation from different positions. And from his own, as in this case, a hurried person, and from the standpoint of a friend - he realizes that he acted badly. AND apologies in this case, they will smooth out the conflict situation, and baby teach you to behave correctly.
- The aspect of empathy is also worth touching upon. It is important for adults to tell how the person who has been offended feels. Asking the kid questions of this nature: "How would you feel?" He must be imbued with the situation, feel and understand these feelings on himself.
- From the age of two, the child needs talk about the rules of conduct in society and at home... This will significantly reduce the occurrence of conflict situations and provide clear guidelines for behavior in some of them. You cannot immediately give answers to all questions, but if baby learn understand situations from all sides of its participants, then he will be able by analogy to accept correct decisions and apologize in the right ones. Indeed, sometimes, at first glance, the child was wrong, but on the whole, this judgment is incorrect when the situation is worked out in detail. Therefore, if the baby claims that apologize there is nothing - listen to his point of view, and, based on the results, make a joint decision. Discuss the details, and understand if the apologies by your baby or not.
- At an older age, when The child has there is a feeling of fear and embarrassment in front of others, it is help adults ask for forgiveness... For example, walk up to a child who has been offended by your child and say that you bring your sincere apologies that henceforth try to be more careful and attentive. This creates The child has a sense of confidence and trust in you. He will understand that his parents are on his side, even when he does something wrong.
- Talking about love and pride to your child as often as possible to him when he acts honestly and empathizes with others. Again, this gives him the opportunity to understand the full significance of the act and teaches the child to apologize!
- Children should be given the freedom to choose how they apologize. This is especially true. It may be more comfortable for them to hug than to say a word of apology. Or read the "little peace" and shake hands. In any case, they note the fact that the situation itself and its consequences are incorrect. A apologizing, they admit their guilt and are ready to correct it.
Outcomes
Teach a child to apologize important and necessary. And you need to start in the very early age... A special role is given to adults here, since they are a kind of beacon for children in life. Therefore, pay close attention, both to the baby himself, even if he is only two years old, and to his misdeeds and his apologies for them. It is necessary to explain what is good and what is bad in order to lay the right guidelines in early childhood.
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