In the material we will talk about how to help a friend survive a divorce - 15 tips from psychologists will be able to guide women in such a situation. Unfortunately, almost every year the number of divorced women is growing, and marriages are becoming less durable and in demand. There is probably no person in whose circle of acquaintances there would not be those who have encountered similar problem. A man is not always the initiator of a break in relations, it can often be a woman who, with her decision to break up, hurts her partner, so the article is useful for both sexes.

Many victims of divorce are uncomfortable admitting that a loved one simply left, betrayed and abandoned, so not everyone can ask for help from friends, and even from relatives. But, as psychologists note, friendships often fall apart after a psychologically traumatized person does not feel understanding and support from his friend. Support and help is needed for almost everyone whose life has been turned upside down. Therefore, even if a friend smiles cheerfully and pretends that everything is fine, in her heart she still hopes that you will help her, be distracted and not dwell on the past. This should be done unobtrusively, tactfully, but at the same time, try to systematically and constantly provide spiritual support.

In order to understand the feelings of a friend, it is enough just to imagine yourself in his place. You had a family, support and support for many years, you raised children together, built your own life, but after a while conflicts, misunderstandings began to arise, and gradually the relationship faded away. So it came to a divorce, which in turn brought a lot of accompanying difficulties. It can be financial problems, the division of property, a break in relations with the usual circle of acquaintances. You used to spend a lot of time in the usual company couples, and now the invitations to rest have ceased to arrive.

In addition, even communication with other representatives of the opposite sex is perceived not as an attempt to restore one's life, but as an excuse to spread gossip that in fact the blame for the divorce lies with you. And it is at this moment that the support of a close, reliable person who will help you survive a divorce is extremely important. A person who will not be left alone with sad thoughts will not believe gossip and will always support. How to help a friend through a divorce, while not imposing, but not letting her feel lonely?

15 tips on how to help a person recover from a divorce.

1. Help a friend unwind. In order for sad thoughts to fade into the background, it is necessary to change the situation, at least not for long. Therefore, try to invite a friend to the country house, a sightseeing trip on the weekend, or just spend the night with you for a few days. On the psychological level when a person changes environment, changes and emotional condition. During a trip to the country, you can cook delicious dinner at the stake, watch your favorite movie, and just chat on abstract topics. This great way distract a friend from his anguish and cheer up. Moreover, you can take your children or a few close friends with you.

2. Funny stories. Each person reacts to a breakup differently. Many become so withdrawn into themselves that they refuse to leave the house. Ready to go through old photos for weeks, to remember past life and be sad. Such a blues will not lead to anything good, you need to support your girlfriend, visit, tell the news, try to make you laugh with a joke or funny story. The person needs to be made aware that Life is going and the past must remain in the past.

3. In order to survive the divorce was easier, you must try to bring a friend into the light. For example, on a weekend, plan to visit a new restaurant-type establishment, and on next week go to a popular cocktail bar. A person is not always ready to visit crowded places, so in some cases you can cheat by luring a friend to dinner by fraudulent means. The bottom line is that it is on a day off that an abandoned person feels much more lonely. After all, all couples spend the weekend together, go to summer cottages, go for a walk, to cafes and restaurants, and after a divorce, watching this from the side is quite painful.

4. Another way to help a friend through a divorce is to have breakfast together, morning coffee or lunch. There is no need to immediately start intimate conversations, just try to make it clear to the person that you are there, always ready to support, and that he is not alone. This is extremely important for those who are experiencing a psychological crisis.

5. Divorce is a procedure that takes time. Visiting authorities, paperwork, division of property, and other formalities take many hours. Therefore, for a person who is at work all day, and at the same time raising a child, it is almost impossible to do everything. Here, a friend can also lend a helping hand - offer their services, for example, to sit with a baby or pick up children from a kindergarten. The same help would be very appropriate if a friend is going on a date, but cannot go because of the children. As you know, in order to quickly survive a divorce, you just need to be distracted by a new relationship. Therefore, if a friend says that he wanted to go to romantic meeting, but he cannot leave the baby himself, invite the child to visit you. And for him, a change of scenery, and a girlfriend will be able to relax without worrying.

6. Divorced people often face the fact that their usual social circle disappears, for many years they celebrated holidays in the company of married couples, and after a person is left alone, invitations become less and less. DO NOT be like the rest, do not leave the person himself in holidays, because it is at such a time that it is most dreary and sad. Call a friend, invite her to a party, or invite her to go to an event together, such as a movie or theater. A person who has been accustomed to celebrating holidays with his family for many years will acutely feel the lack of loved ones nearby. Even a simple visit from a friend can help a friend get through a divorce. For example, go spontaneously at lunch to visit a divorced friend. Thus, you will make it clear to the person that he can always visit you at any time, and if he is lonely, and if he is just passing by.

7. Often people who are trying to get through a divorce do not pay attention. special attention on the environment in the house, because they completely go into their problems. Life has been turned upside down, and there is absolutely no time for cooking dinner or cleaning the room. And this problem is not only for men who live in a mess before they show up. new girlfriend life, but also women. A good friend will try to unobtrusively offer help in cleaning, cooking, but only in such a way that this offer does not sound like an accusation of uncleanliness.


8. Help a friend find a partner. Surely many have friends, old acquaintances who also went through a divorce or are still in active search his other half. Try to help your friend get through the divorce by introducing her to a trusted and reliable person. Perhaps this acquaintance will end in the future. romantic story and even family life. The best way get to know a trusted person - through mutual friends, because a friend will not advise bad.

9. Organize a joint vacation. It's not about having a date. Just come up interesting way spend time. Something new, non-standard is perfect. For example, visit an art exhibition in original style, or buy a ticket to a concert of a popular band, go to Soccer game, or skydive together. It doesn't matter what you prefer, the main thing is to support your friend by forming new impressions.

10. Sometimes one is enough phone call or SMS messages to make a person feel less lonely and feel the support of loved ones. Take a few minutes to work time in order to simply take an interest in the affairs of a friend, and you can even use social network for this purpose. You will not spend a lot of time, but give your friend strength and confidence that he is not alone.

11. In order to make it easier to get through a divorce, many people try to find a new partner as soon as possible, which is natural in principle. You, as a friend, should not judge or challenge the person's choice. If he is comfortable and well with a young companion, then so be it, no need to hint at age difference. And where is the guarantee that after a while such partners will not build strong family. Support any choice of a friend, no matter how unusual it may seem to you, because this is how it will be much easier for him to overcome his depression and sadness.

12. If a friend has children after a divorce, then for sure ex-husband wants to visit them regularly. It only makes it worse psychological condition partners if they stay in the same territory overnight. Therefore, having an empty apartment, house or room, it is better to agree that the husband will live there. On the one hand, it will be easier for a friend to survive a divorce, and the children will probably not encounter quarrels and showdowns between their parents.

13. Everyone is looking for psychological help in something specific. Someone prefers to play sports, someone changes jobs and places of residence, and some find favorite activities that are not always standard and are quite original. As a friend, you should support any idea of ​​a divorced friend if you see that it brings him peace of mind. Helping a Friend Get Through a Divorce Can Take a Study Course Chinese- let, support, visit the lesson with her.

14. Divorce often causes financial difficulties. For example, if a friend did not work when she was married, but was engaged in raising children and housekeeping, then now her lifestyle will have to be changed. Help her at first to get on her feet, find a job, start meeting the requirements of modern employers. No wonder they say that the best medicine from self-flagellation - to load yourself with work, then there will simply be no time for memories and longing.

15. Restoring the lifestyle that a person led before marriage will also help to survive a divorce. For example, if in her younger years a friend liked to attend various dances and parties, then why not arrange a similar vacation now? Get together with a company, visit some prestigious club, let a person feel that everything is just beginning, and the departure of a partner is far from the end of the world.

So, wondering how to help a friend survive a divorce, 15 tips from psychologists will surely help you find the answer and become a guide to action for every good friend.

Divorce is a difficult time, you cannot prepare for it in advance. How difficult it is to continue to enjoy life when sometimes it seems that it is over. The main thing is not to close in yourself and not be shy to ask for help from loved ones.

If your friend is going through a difficult divorce and you are worried about her mental condition then follow the tips below. Thanks to them, you will be able to tactfully help dear person deal with a difficult situation.

Don't berate your ex

Perhaps you never liked your girlfriend's ex-husband. And you were even initially against their union, but they did not listen to you. And now there is an opportunity to confess everything, to say that "you knew it," and to scold him for all the good things.

But under no circumstances should you do this. From your words to a friend will not be easier. On the contrary, she will want to subconsciously whitewash him in your eyes, as opposed to your words, remember some good traits and deeds. After all, she married him, and your opinion means that she made the wrong choice. And who likes to admit it?

Try not to discuss your friend's ex-husband at all. It is possible and even necessary (in moderation) to listen to her complaints about him, but you should not give yourself the right to speak rudely. Moreover, everything happens in life. Suddenly they reconcile, and then you will remain extreme, perhaps even lose a girlfriend.

Therefore, it is best to suggest that she not dwell on the negative and not remember once again past.

Listen carefully

At first, a friend will talk a lot. She will complain, cry, blame ex-spouse in all sins. Especially if the divorce happened through his fault. Main advice: no need to give unsolicited advice, offer solutions to the problem, try to help. Now your task is simply to listen, nodding sympathetically. Your girlfriend, having spoken out, will appreciate it and will be very grateful to you for your tact.

Spend more time together

Even if you work in the same team or live nearby and see each other quite often, offer to communicate even more. Now a friend should not be left alone, try to fill her life as much as possible with new impressions, emotions, always positive.

The hardest thing for her will be in the evenings, because after active day at work, you can sit at home and cry for hours, looking at photos from the wedding album, and experience a breakup. If possible, invite a friend to live with you or move in for a while yourself. So you can look after her, listen and support in time.

More physical contact

Hug your girlfriend more often, stroke. Now she desperately needs physical contact with her dear person.

If this is not accepted in your relationship, then offer to try it now. You will see, you will become much closer friend to a friend, and thanks to your warmth and care, it will be easier for a friend to cope with a breakup.

Don't gossip

It may happen that you learn a lot about a friend and her marriage. For example, much of what was hidden behind the seven locks. It is always difficult for us to admit that we made the wrong choice and are unhappy in marriage, so many show people around us a happy picture. family life, which, however, does not correspond to reality.

In any case, the information received should remain only between the two of you. Especially if a friend shared a secret with you. Also, don't judge her or her ex-husband, no matter what you find out in particular. They had reasons to do what they did. Your goal is to support your friend, not to judge her behavior.

Organize a common leisure

How difficult it is to force yourself to leave the house when this is happening in your soul! Sometimes it's hard to even just get up in the morning, not to mention showering and styling your hair. “Yes, and why? I’m still sitting at home, there’s no one to bring beauty to,” the woman thinks.

Your the main task- get a girlfriend out of the house in new club, at the cinema or in a cafe. Say that the refusal is not accepted, and you will not let her live as a recluse. For the sake of going to an event, a friend will put herself in order, dress beautifully. And there the matter is small - to make such meetings regular. Meeting new people, new emotions will benefit a friend.

Watch her health

IN difficult times we have a hard time meeting even our basic needs like food and sleep. Strong experiences can provoke both insomnia and loss of appetite. If you notice that a friend is Lately haggard, eats little, sleeps poorly, stays up late, then she may need help. Behavior will depend on the severity of the condition. You can order food delivered to your home and have dinner together if your friend has become increasingly forgetting to eat. A walk before bed, a hot bath, a comedy before bed will help her fall asleep faster. In more difficult cases Take your friend to a doctor who will prescribe medication.

It would be nice to add physical exercise. No wonder they say that in a healthy business - healthy mind. You can invite her to keep company in gym or at group lessons yoga or fitness.

Let's have a bachelorette party!

If your friend has been married for many years, then she may have forgotten what it is like to be free and independent girl. She is waiting for new acquaintances, flirting, communication with interesting men. At the same time, no one will call several times with a check when you are relaxing with friends, no one will arrange jealousy scenes, will not snore on the pillow next to you. You can not waste time cooking, but have dinner with a salad or yogurt.

Of course, there are also advantages to marriage. Otherwise people wouldn't get married. But your goal is to remind you that being alone is not so scary. And sometimes very helpful.

If a friend does not want to meet someone new, arrange a situation where she cannot refuse. For example, invite guests to a holiday, where there will be several free interesting gentlemen. Feeling attractive again is very nice, especially if self-esteem has fallen after a divorce.

Offer to help with the kids

If your girlfriend has children, then divorce for her is an even more painful process. There are new responsibilities that used to be on the shoulders of the husband. She spins like a squirrel in a wheel and does not have time for anything.

Your friend will appreciate it if you offer to babysit her kids. At this time, she will be able to redo all the accumulated cases, take a bath or just sleep. Such a reboot is simply necessary for every mother. Even a couple of hours a month is enough, which a friend can spend on herself and her needs.

Laugh more often

It is rightly said that laughter is the best medicine. Tell funny story that happened to you, a fresh anecdote, watch more comedy films together. With a smile and joyful emotions your girlfriend will get through this difficult time faster without giving up.

Help me finish what I started

Cross out!

There is nothing wrong with breaking up a relationship. Your girlfriend is waiting for a new one happy life. But for it to start, you have to let go former lover. Tell your friend that no one is judging her because her marriage ended. Sometimes it happens that people cannot be together. And this is her case, definitely. It's time to delete from the life of those who do not belong there, and give way to a new and no less interesting.

1. First of all, prepare a vest for the streams of tears. There is a temptation to breathe a sigh of relief if a friend is in no hurry to pour out her soul and pretends that she is fine - but you know that this is not so. And the sooner she speaks out, the sooner she will feel better.
2. Unoriginal, but very important point: chocolate. You know all about him: endorphins and all that. Give the poor guy a huge chocolate bar or a box of chocolates.
3. Common Mistake- start telling your abandoned friend how pathetic [insert any derogatory comparison] was her sweetheart. This will have the opposite effect: she will begin to protect him, because she still has feelings for him, and you will be the last one.
4. Better remind her of the reasons for the breakup. So, by not directly criticizing her man, you show her that this was not a relationship to regret.
   • Bad example: "Yes, he is a boor, a slob and did not miss a single skirt, and besides, he is dumb as a cork!"
   • Good example: "Think - well, what have you lost? Unflattering reviews about yourself, dirty dishes under the bed, cheating? You deserve a man who will appreciate you and with whom you will have something to talk about."
5. Put your music on for her teenage years - for example, the one under which you lit on school disco. Or put on an old favorite movie. Let her listen to or watch something that she associates with the time when she has not yet met the one she is crying about. This will help her return to her forgotten self and, as it were, cross out the years of an unsuccessful romance or marriage.
6. Make her go out for a walk because your mom was right: Fresh air is beneficial. After only five minutes of walking, people's mood improves and self-esteem increases.
7. Go to a brand new place- no matter where: in a cafe, a picturesque square or a recently opened shopping center, where nothing accidentally reminds her of him. Let him feel that you can rejoice and have fun without him.
8. Even better if you manage to arrange a short vacation and wave to the sea. They say it is the best doctor to heal broken hearts.
9. Convince her to buy some clothes that she looks stunning in. She now needs to raise her self-esteem.
10. And a little self-care for her beloved now, oh, how it does not hurt. Sign up for a manicure, go to the spa together or do yoga. At the same time compensate for the damage from eating chocolate.
11. But talk her out of any major and disfiguring change. like shave your head, get a stupid tattoo in a prominent place, or put a ring up your nose. When she comes to her senses, she will breathe a sigh of relief.
12. Try to tear her away from social networks and advise you to block the page of the former. Research has shown what was already obvious: People who check for updates on their breakup page take longer to recover emotionally and move on.
13. Remind her that you love her. And tell her that she can handle it: it's just a moment that must be experienced and endured. If it’s hard for you to say such things in person, write her a short message. But make sure you let her know you're there.

How to help a friend going through a divorce

Even when a divorce is a long-awaited happiness, it often turns into a huge stress for a woman. Usually, almost or already ex-husband tries very hard, but often his or her relatives also help him. Needless to say, if a woman has a child, the quality of life of the remaining family drops sharply.

Believe me, if your girlfriend is divorced, the probability that she needs your help tends to one hundred percent. And before rushing to help, it is necessary to determine the scope of work.

1. The rule of questions that must be answered only with “yes” and “no” applies here too

A woman often cannot formulate exact requests, because she does not understand where the line of decent lies, and is afraid to cross it. When you offer options for help, you also outline the line. Perhaps you yourself understand that to say “Come, wash the dishes for me, it has accumulated for a week, I look at it and feel that I can’t cope and even touch it,” is much more difficult than answering a friend’s question in the affirmative “ Maybe I’ll come, wash the dishes for you, at the same time we’ll drink tea and chat?” At the moment of stress, a woman often becomes more indecisive, her self-esteem drops and she is afraid to bother others, even if it is about something vital.

2. Don't put your life on the line

If a friend is good man, she herself would not want huge sacrifices on your part. If it's bad, then it's not worth it. Offer such help that will not eat away from your life and strength of a large piece. Of course, there are exceptions - if, apart from each other, you have no one to rely on. In all other cases, allocating only one or two evenings a week to help a friend, or, if a friend is more like a friend, offering help one-time is fine.

3. Very often a woman in a divorce needs to speak out.

And this, unfortunately, is not a one-time process. If you agreed to meet and just chat, be prepared that you will chat, most likely, about almost or already the former. Even if you don't meet to chat, you'll hear everything about him. My friend is having a hard time controlling herself. So proceed from your extroversion resources and at the very beginning strictly define (and do not hide from your girlfriend) the time limit: are you there for twenty minutes or with an overnight stay?

4. Almost 100% Need Help Dealing with an Ex

Starting from erasing the traces of his presence in the apartment (collecting and throwing away socks and discs), because it is scary or hard for a friend to see these objects and touch them. Ending with being present next to a friend in the moments when she has to meet with him. And she has to. After all, sometimes you have to pick up your things or face in court. Most of even the most vile and aggressive exes are hesitant to attack a woman if there is at least one witness nearby. If the former is one of those who cannot be stopped by witnesses, you can help by lending your husband, brother, friend or sympathetic two-meter colleague to accompany him. (And if you yourself are under two meters and have a regional championship in karate behind you, and there is nothing to say, how can you be useful to a woman who is getting divorced).

5. Very often a woman, especially with a child, has nowhere to go and nothing to eat.

Do not even ask how she decided to divorce under such conditions. Maybe it was the husband's decision. Maybe she hoped for the help of her relatives, but everything turned out to be difficult with her relatives. If none of your friends can so easily take and settle a woman with children in her dacha / in the pantry / on the mezzanine, then you can agree on a system of circular “lists” together. “Vspiska” is when one person lives for several days with another, helping around the house or with children as a thank you. It’s better to live in turn with girlfriends, wandering with sports bag in one hand and a child in the other than going back to a dangerous aggressive asshole. At the very least, when women have a choice, they usually choose “inscriptions”. As for the situation when a woman has a place to live, but no income, for a start, you can help with groceries together with other friends, and after about a fortnight or a month, help with finding a job and getting used to a new life schedule.

6. Yes, she needs help with everyday life.

You can be sure. Quite often, divorced women suffer from clinical depression, not necessarily because of the divorce process itself, more often because of what preceded it. A depressed person may not have enough strength for elementary hygienic self-service. So feel free to offer help with: cooking, washing dishes or floors, sorting out cabinets, rearranging furniture, and generally any household process that comes to your mind.

7. Help is needed with the child

Although it is difficult for many women to admit it - and it sounds, it seems, blasphemous! - but fussing with a child takes a lot of energy. Perhaps a friend right now just needs someone to take a walk with her daughter while she goes to court or shopping, and cut snowflakes with her son while she just lies and takes a nap or cooks dinner.

8. Don't let her world collapse

It is now very important for a woman to go out into the world from time to time. Big world not only for groceries or some kind of certificate for the court. It is important for her to feel that her life no longer revolves exclusively around survival with a child. So, if your resources allow, take her out for a walk in the park, watch a movie, sit in a chain restaurant, play board games in anticafe. Even if your girlfriend is an introvert, it will still be globally easier for her.

9. Forget about the comforts of the “don’t cry” format for a while

If she could, she wouldn't cry. And now she can even be very ashamed, but she can’t cope with it. On the contrary, make it clear that the moment for tears is just right and then everything will pass by itself.

10. Just be by her side

Against a friend now, most likely: ex-husband, relatives, cockroaches vaccinated by grandmother about family values format “even if he cuts with a knife, but the family must be saved!” and a cruel world that does not care where she will take money for utility bills and semolina with milk for breakfast for a child. She needs you by her side, even if you're not doing anything. Truth.

Text: Lilith Mazikina
Photo: Shutterstock

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