The wife filed for divorce, what should the husband do? Divorce as a way to solve all problems. Behavioral reasons for divorce

16.04.2019

It is traditionally believed that situations where the husband wants a divorce, and the wife seeks to save the family, are the most common. However, as statistics show, in our country, more and more often it is women who act as initiators of divorce. Why does the wife want a divorce? Is there a chance to save the marriage if the husband is against divorce? How do psychologists advise you to behave? Let's figure it out together.

Divorce as a way to solve all problems

Before the revolution, divorce was rare. This was not at all due to piety or " eternal love» spouses, but rather economic and practical considerations. It was much more difficult for a divorced woman to remarry, and finding a source of income to support herself was almost impossible.

Most modern women do not need a husband as the only source of livelihood, since they can satisfy almost all their material needs themselves.

If the wife sees that marriage has become a “one-sided game”, she has to take on additional burdens in the form of household chores, and the spouse sees only a housewife in her, then the decision to divorce seems appropriate.

The mentality of the modern Russian man, unlike the female one, has undergone much less changes since tsarist times. To maintain a full-fledged marriage today, it is not enough to be a husband only on paper. The current marriage should be an equal union of two personalities, each of whom contributes to its preservation and development.

Why do wives file for divorce?

Divorce for a woman is almost always a very difficult step, including with psychological point vision. Did your wife file for divorce? So she must have a reason. In 41 cases out of 100, “dissimilarity of characters” is indicated as a justification, 13.5% of wives divorce because of their husbands addiction to alcohol or drugs, but there are other reasons.

"Did not get along"

“We didn’t get along” - this is the reason most often indicated by spouses who want to terminate marriage, in your statement. Many people can hide under this general phrase. individual characteristics- from the mismatch of the rhythms of life to sexual incompatibility. If the wife dreams of becoming a mother, and the husband is not ready to have a child, then she will enter exactly this justification.

Passed love, another came

A woman can meet her new love and being in legal marriage. Of course, such situations are not approved. modern society and are considered immoral, but in fact they take place.

On the part of the wife, the decision to part with now unloved spouse and join your fate with another man looks more honest than a secret love affair on the side.

Love boat crashed on life

Many modern couples are unprepared for family life. Perceiving Marriage Sequel romantic relationship, young wives and husbands often forget about the other side of marriage - cooking, washing, cleaning, washing dishes and other not very inspiring things. Modern women often they are not ready to devote themselves to everyday life - this deprives them of self-realization, hence the increase in the number of broken marriages.

When a woman, in addition to her main job, is assigned all the duties of the house plus raising children, and her husband does not take any part in this, there is nothing surprising in the fact that she wants to leave. This elementary desire is dictated by two feelings - fatigue and underestimation, and sometimes there is simply not enough strength for love.

Lack of thrill

Boredom is not the most common reason for divorce, but about 5% of women cite the lack of excitement when filing for divorce. If the wife lived before marriage active life- travelled, worked out extreme views sports or could suddenly go to another city to a concert of her beloved musical group, and in marriage it all came down to the "home - work" scheme, she would become bored.

A lack of thrills can appear even in a woman who, at first glance, is not at all prone to extreme sports - adrenaline is produced in each person in different situations The same can be said about endorphins. The spouse may not need skydiving and diving with sharks, but she misses cute surprises, an unexpected bouquet of flowers or an invitation to her favorite cafe.

Husband is a tyrant or a person with addiction

If the spouse turned out to be an alcoholic, a drug addict, or has a habit of resolving all issues with the use of physical or moral violence, this is the most compelling and serious reason for a divorce. Alcohol or drug addiction, as well as tyranny on the part of the husband, endangers the health and life of the wife, so separation remains the most effective way for her to protect herself and her children.

What to do to save the family?

Not a single psychologist will give such advice that will help save the family with a 100% guarantee. It all depends on the particular situation. V general case If the wife filed for divorce, and the husband does not want a divorce, but reconciliation, then he needs to find out first of all what is the reason for such a decision. Once the problem is identified, steps can be taken to correct the situation.

Understand what is at the root of the problem

A woman very rarely files for divorce suddenly and unexpectedly. Wives always try to convey to their spouse the idea that they are not happy in marriage. Some talk about problems directly, but there are those who prefer to hint subtly. If a spouse ignores such signals, the risk of divorce increases.

Often, to understand the root of the problem, it is enough just to talk. If the wife is determined, she is unlikely to refuse to explain why she wants to end the marriage. If talking about divorce is the last warning with which a woman is trying to draw her husband's attention to the problem and try to solve it together, dialogue will be the first step towards saving the family.

Admit your mistakes

Modern men (and women too) rarely know how to admit their mistakes. The society functions in such a way that a person first of all thinks about who to shift responsibility to, so as not to take it upon himself. If there is a problem, and both spouses diligently blame each other, it will not be possible to solve it, then the marriage is doomed.

If the spouse says: “You don’t pay attention to me, I want to get a divorce,” you don’t need to respond sharply, “I’m tired, I’m busy, I want to relax.” When a wife complains that she is exhausted by everyday life, the worst solution is to give examples from the Middle Ages or compare her with “good” wives (a grandmother who worked in a factory during the war and raised five, or an acquaintance who manages both in the kitchen and at work, and in bed).

Take action to remedy the situation

When the reason that pushed the wife to divorce is known, and the husband admits that this is his fault, it's time to take active measures to save the marriage and correct the situation. What to do? You will have to come up with a “plan of salvation” on your own or ... seek help from your spouse. A woman is unlikely to refuse to help in such a situation. Psychology gives such advice:

If nothing helps

When a spouse wants an immediate divorce, and the husband agrees with her, everything is solved simply. If the husband is against it, all options have been tried, but the wife has filed for divorce and insists on dissolution of the marriage, then the best thing the husband can do is to leave without scandal. Accepting a breakup is never easy, so you may need the help of a psychologist (there is nothing to be ashamed of, because this specialist is a doctor who helps to effectively cope with mental pain).

Do not stand by force (through threats, moral or physical pressure) try to keep a wife next to him (especially if there is a child) - there will be no happiness in such a marriage, and it will be difficult to call the union a family. The end of a relationship is not the end of life, but simply a new stage in it, and if you try, it will become the first step towards a new happiness.

Divorce initiated by wife Lately occurs quite often. Sociological surveys have shown that women evaluate the quality of their marriage lower than men. The wife can ask for a divorce and educational purposes wanting to influence her husband. If the spouse wants to get a divorce, but does not file for divorce, then this is most likely a method of manipulating the husband, but in some cases, the wife, in this way, shows the last drop of her patience, and makes it clear to the man that he needs to do something or change in your behaviour.

Reasons why women want a divorce

A sociological survey showed the reasons why women demand a divorce:

6.5% - unpreparedness for family life;

7% - the presence of another partner in a woman;

8% - cheating husband;

13.5% - use psychotropic substances or alcoholism;

41% - dissimilarity of characters;

24% - individual reasons (with each of the reasons scored less than 5%).

It turns out that in most cases women want to get divorced because of dissimilarities in character. Where did this reason come from, what to do with it, and how to dissuade the wife from breaking up the family? After all, earlier on this occasion in women special claims did not have!

Why women file for divorce - a bit of history

Before the revolution, it was unprofitable for a wife to divorce, since the household was common and was the only source of income. V tsarist Russia all questions regarding divorces and marriages were decided by the church.

In 1917, a revolution took place, and the divorce procedure was simplified, it could be obtained at the registry office. Besides personal life Soviet people were in full view, and family disagreements and problems were openly discussed in labor collectives and at meetings. But still, divorces were rare, since Soviet society did not encourage them.

The Soviet Union collapsed, and Western values began to invade the lives of Russians more and more, and much has changed in family relations. Now you will not surprise anyone with a divorce, and every year there are more and more of them.

Of course, it’s good that in our time personal life is not controlled by party committees, trade union committees and others. public organizations. But on the other hand, now in almost every family, their personal “I” has come to the fore, both in men and women, and not “We”. This is where it all started! Not so much, just a divorce. Especially it concerns female half humanity, as they are more emotional and pay too much great attention trifles.

The Russian government is trying to solve this problem and prevent divorce, because good family is the foundation of the state.

Today more and more successful women who can independently provide for themselves and their child. It is worth a husband to disappoint his wife, and she calmly files for divorce, because today a woman makes a successful career and provides for herself. Financial independence from her husband allows the wife not to turn a blind eye to the serious shortcomings of her husband, and calmly get out of family relations which do not bring her moral satisfaction.

Behavioral reasons for divorce

inability to resolve conflicts constant scandals and quarrels over trifles;
separate living;
a man refuses to run a common household and provide;
treason;
illegal actions;
drug addiction and alcoholism.

Financial reasons for divorce

lack of necessary;
husband's debts;
housing problem;
loss of working capacity.

Psychological reasons for divorce

irritation;
fell out of love;
jealousy;
sexual incompatibility;
difference in outlook on life.

How to talk your spouse out of a divorce?

First of all, it is necessary to find out why the wife filed for divorce or is just going to do it. Analyze your behavior, review the reasons for divorce and consider how acceptable they are in your case. If clear reason for a divorce you don’t see, then calmly and as frankly as possible talk with your spouse and try to dissuade her. You can also ask for help from family psychologist. He will analyze the situation and give advice that will help save the family and tell you what to do next.

Be different. If you decide to save your marriage and don't want to let go of your wife, then you need to change. Very often women talk about divorce (if not visible reasons) when they are tired of the daily routine. The wife does not want to feel like a housewife, it is important for her to remain a desired and beloved woman. In this case, it is possible to dissuade from a divorce, it is enough to remove some household duties from the wife, or go on vacation. The wife will feel again desired woman, and most likely forget about the divorce.
Become a man. Nobody needs a man-rag. A married woman wants to feel fragile and weak, to hide behind her lover's back from all adversity. Therefore, no self-respecting woman can stand a weakling or a man-child for a long time. The main thing here is to find a middle ground - to be independent, but listen to the opinion of your wife and reckon with it, be strong, but not callous and rude. Therefore, if the spouse filed for divorce, pull yourself together and try to peacefully and tactfully find out what exactly does not suit her, and only after that, think about how you can correct the situation and dissuade your spouse from divorce. Can you tell her following words: "I am a man, trust me, I take responsibility for our family, trust me, and I will prove to you that I can fix everything ... etc."
Become more caring and gentle. Married women very often lack tenderness and warmth. That is why many women declare their desire to get a divorce for no apparent reason. Therefore, if you are not ready to lose your spouse, change, become more affectionate and attentive, remember the time when you were just starting a relationship. Going to the cinema or a restaurant small gifts, compliments and words of gratitude will help you talk your wife out of a divorce.
Start earning.

The wife may not have enough money. And in this case, it is unpleasant for her to watch her husband, who does not want to do anything, does not move up the career ladder, but simply lies on the couch. Do not allow your woman to solve the issue of lack of money, deprive herself of small things or take on debt. If you decide that the wife filed for divorce because of a financial reason, then try to find yourself a new better-paid job or work overtime.

Help for men from the psychological side

If it was not possible to dissuade your wife from a divorce, and she filed an application, and you still have feelings, then it is best to seek help from a psychologist.

Men hide feelings, in addition, plays a big role male pride. That is why, during a divorce initiated by a woman, a man falls into a deep depression, he becomes vulnerable and has many complexes, which has negative psychological consequences.

Problems that a psychologist helps to solve

In a divorce, a man loses important moral values. He loses the woman he loves, he has some restrictions in communicating with his children, he loses to some extent the right to raise his children. Also, a divorced man is faced with domestic problems, which previously belonged to the duties of the wife (cleaning the apartment, cooking, maintaining order in the wardrobe).

When confronted with everyday problems, a man begins to realize how many difficult issues a woman solved, gave him care and created comfortable environment, cosiness. Because of this, a divorced man begins to feel loneliness and discomfort.

On the one hand, after the divorce, the man lost responsibility for the whole family, but at the same time he begins to realize that he is unable to cope even with responsibility for himself.

A bachelor life, of course, has a lot of its advantages, but having walked enough, a man understands that it is better to live in a family than to be completely free. In addition, after a divorce, many men go to extremes - they begin to drink a lot, overeat, succumb to the temptation of unprotected sex and other entertainment. Of course, every man has the right to live his life after a divorce the way he wants, but still, a psychologist will help to avoid some serious mistakes.

Psychologists advise men after a divorce to give up drinking and unprotected sex. Set a goal for yourself and try to achieve it. You can devote all your free time to work or start mastering any kind of sport. First of all, you need to remain a man, and not go to extremes.

It is also necessary in without fail analyze all family life, identify your mistakes that led to a divorce, and draw conclusions. New serious relationship you have to start only when you have completely let go of your old life.

Men's rights

V Family Code it is stated that a man has the right to prevent a divorce. By law, each spouse has the right to judicial protection of rights.

The personal non-property rights of spouses are protected in court. For example, if one of the spouses does not want a divorce. The interests of both parties are protected in court when disputes arise between spouses about the division of property and children. The husband does not have the right to file for divorce if the wife is pregnant or the child is under 1 year old. But at the same time, a pregnant spouse or with a child under 1 year old has the right to file for divorce.

After a divorce, a man has the right to raise his children and see them, in addition, he bears equal rights with his wife. parental rights. If the spouses cannot come to a common denominator regarding children, then the court reserves the right to decide the issue (with whom the children will live, the amount of alimony).

The division of property between spouses is made in equal parts. In addition, each spouse has the right to personal property. When it comes to the division of property, it is best to seek the advice of a lawyer, as many pitfalls pop up here.

The wife wants a divorce, but the husband does not want: what to do - advice from psychologists

The reasons why women take such a difficult step are different:

Material (debts, lack of own housing, etc.);
Behavioral (cheating, frequent petty quarrels, misunderstanding, etc.);
Psychological (jealousy, lack of sex or dissatisfaction with a partner, loss of feelings, etc.).

Often, men do not notice the critical point in a relationship until the spouse raises the issue point-blank and files for divorce.

And here the spouse begins to puzzle over how to save the family and what happened, what are the real reasons?

The only true solution to the problem, suitable for any family, can be a conversation.

The husband must show the attention and patience of his wife, she herself most likely confesses the truth of the reasons decision or will give an unambiguous understanding of what is wrong in the family.

No need to pressure and reproach her for the failure of your family, thus trying to justify himself. This behavior escalates the situation and reinforces her desire for a divorce.

How to talk your wife out of a divorce

Some words that will make you change your mind about getting a divorce, perhaps, will not be enough. On the part of the spouse, any actions should come that prove the importance of preserving the family, and the significance of its presence in your life.

Start with yourself:

Try to change. Maybe the reason is in the daily routine (household chores, lack of help from the husband for household) and small changes will add color to life together.
Add courage and brutality. Women love the strong dominant men, with his opinion, able to make decisions. The main thing is not to overdo it. Since it is still worth listening to the opinion of the spouse, depriving her of the right to vote can only aggravate the situation.
Show care and tenderness. The lack of attention from the husband makes you think that the relationship has come to an end and you need to get rid of them. But it's so easy to bring a small bouquet of her favorite flowers or a favorite treat, even if she keeps her figure and does not abuse sweets, weigh a couple of gentle words.
Change jobs to more profitable ones. The material component in the family is also important. And if a spouse prefers to spend more time on the couch instead of earning and providing for the family, no woman will want to put up with it.
Contact a psychologist. He is not just a graduate in the field of family relationships, but a disinterested person who will weigh the arguments of both sides and tell you how to find a way out of this situation.

What arguments to bring

Puzzling over the question of how to dissuade a wife from the idea of divorce, what arguments to give, it is worth remembering that women are emotional beings. Therefore, remind your wife how good everything was at the very beginning of the relationship. Let her remember the wonderful moments of the beginning of your novel.

Children can be another reason. Prove to your wife, not only in word but also in deed, that children and she are the meaning of your life.

If there are children

How to keep a woman who for a long time was a wife and who gave a child, or maybe not even one? Such a question torments almost all couples over whom the sword of Damocles hangs.

If the husband does not want to divorce, just because he is used to the status of a family man and all the benefits that flow from it, and the spouse herself is seen more as a woman who looks after the house, raises a child, does laundry, cooks and cleans, then you should not try to save the marriage only for the sake of the children.

If the impending danger of losing her reminded you that you love your family, you just began to take it for granted, then it's time to correct the situation. Connect with your children, spend more time with them. Women see the relationship between father and child and understand that another man, no matter how wonderful, will not replace him.

In addition, the child is a great ally to help talk mom out of rash acts if your wife has not yet filed for divorce.

Legal points: what can a husband do to prevent his wife from getting a divorce

Can a man prevent the dissolution of a marriage legally?

If the spouse filed an application for divorce, in the absence of the consent of the second spouse, then the law provides for mandatory consideration of this application in court.

But even the absence of the husband's approval for divorce will not become an obstacle to making a decision, since the law provides for a procedure (a very sensible article, be sure to read it!).

The only thing a husband can do is to ask the court to give a period for reconciliation, motivating that he intends to save his family. That is what lawyers advise.

In this case, especially if there are children, the court suspends the consideration of the case and gives a conciliation period, which is three months. If during this conciliation period, the spouse does not convince the spouse to change the decision, he will not have the opportunity to postpone the decision.

So that later in a hurry not to torment yourself with questions of preserving the family, you should not forget here and now that there may not be a second chance. A family is the same job where there are no holidays, weekends and sick days.

Do you have any experience in this matter? Share it in the comments!

Ekaterina Kozhevnikova

Reading time: 2 minutes

Unfortunately, modern statistics divorce proceedings shows an increase in the number of families that have ceased to exist, not only young, but also seemingly strong and time-tested. If your wife wants a divorce and you don't, it's not too late to take drastic steps to prevent it. No one is immune from mistakes, and the male sex is no exception. If the spouse at all costs wants to avoid the breakup of the family, he has a chance even if the application to the court has already been filed. There are several ways that will help you quickly resolve the conflict with your spouse or win additional time to restore relationships.

Why does she want a divorce? Women's point of view

According to statistics, most marriages break up for the following reasons:

My husband is not happy financially.
The husband does not pay attention to the child and wife.
“Household stagnation” - alas, behind the cycle of daily affairs, the partner forgets that the wife wants affection, compliments and romantic dates, at least sometimes.
The intervention of relatives on both sides.
Abuse of bad habits.

What to do? To begin with, it is worth trying to change the situation in better side. This is especially true if the wife files for divorce, the family has a child, and you not only want to stop her, but are ready to take any action. If a woman insists on divorce, then she has good reasons for that.

Take care of yourself, reconsider your priorities, because in order to avoid the breakup of a family, sometimes it is not necessary to completely change circumstances, character or lifestyle. The reason may be hidden in a problem of little importance for a man, but extremely important and making normal family life impossible from a woman's point of view.

Try not to allow third parties in family matters related to divorce, no matter how close relatives they are. You need to fight for your family and its preservation on your own, without the “advice” and “help” of relatives or friends, who can only aggravate the situation.

Legal ways to avoid divorce if there are no other options

If the wife filed for divorce, and you want to avoid this, you can use legal means to change the situation in your favor.