Don't lose a friend's advice. How to end a relationship and not lose mutual friends
When two people choose each other, the world does not freeze for a split second, the movement continues. Years go by, and the spell of falling in love dissipates, giving way to more tangible things - career ambitions, household chores, raising children. Sublime feelings acquire completely earthly outlines, love comes to an end.
But if there is something behind the screen of candy-bouquet dreams? Is it possible to keep feelings by carrying love through long years family life? We will talk about this below.
1. Create family rituals
Who said that getting used to each other is enemy number 1 for love relationship? In fact, as soon as a couple comes to the same territory, their task is not to furnish the walls with plasma and other junk, but to build family-wide rituals. It is important for lovers to find understanding in their future lifestyle and habits: who in the family will be responsible for cleaning and leaking taps, what products do both want to see in the refrigerator, how do they plan to spend their holidays? What is generally permissible in their relationship, and what partners will not tolerate? Achieving understanding in such small things will save the couple from quarrels and minor misunderstandings in future.
2. Discuss problems with each other
At the stage of falling in love, young people try to present themselves from the most advantageous side, endure discomfort, so as not to spoil the impression. It is not surprising that, in this situation, few people really manage to get to know each other. And now in living together the first surprises begin: she turns out to be a lazy person who prefers an evening with a computer to a trip to the mountains, he is a manic fan of cleanliness with an allergy to her cooking. In such situations, it is important not only to blame each other, pouring out your soul to numerous relatives, but to learn to solve problems one-on-one, without exposing too much to the public. Outsiders cannot give suitable advice, complaints will only strengthen the tensioned springs. The only way to overcome irritation is to talk to your partner. More and more.
3. Seek compromises
Young people often make one popular mistake. V candy-bouquet period both carefully guard each other's feelings, trying not to step on pain points. But in life together, this respect disappears somewhere, and it is replaced by the position of "we are close, so you can not stand on ceremony!" A struggle for power begins, all kinds of belittling of the partner's actions, the devaluation of his personality. But closeness is respect to a loved one, acceptance and support, not truth-womb, because "I am better" or "in charge."
4. Learn to ask and refuse
The times when it was considered shameful to talk about one's emotions are long gone, the era of openness, honesty and the ability to voice desires aloud has replaced the Soviet past. It is foolish to blame a person for not guessing your thoughts and not feeling your feelings, learn to voice requests in words, repeat them over and over again until the message is taken seriously. Here we also include the ability to say "no", which saves a young family from many problems, teaches them to value themselves and their attitude. By the way, both partners have the right to refuse.
5. Maintain your uniqueness
Finally, the last thing to keep in mind in long term relationship- no family-wide traditions should force you to merge into a single whole with your partner. If the wife loves dancing, and the husband is a football fan, this does not mean that everyone should now sacrifice their hobbies for the sake of the interests of the other. It is correct to participate in each other's life on our own initiative, but not to take concessions as a sacred duty, because "we are now a couple." You initially fell in love with this difference in each other, unique individuality, so stay yourself! It is important to love a person, not your ideas about him.
But there is a way out even under such circumstances. Better to part with a friend, let go of the pain and move on in life, preserving your health. Also set a goal and open your heart to find a new friend. What is Friendship? What should be done to always have a sense of security next to a friend?
Definition... Friendship is sincere relationship based on trust, affection, common interests... A good friend is valuable gift, this is a personality that influences everyone well.
10 principles to find and not lose a friend
Finding a friend is not easy, and it will take more than one day, it takes time. You may even have to be disappointed in someone until you meet a reliable, true friend.
- First of all, one should be a friend oneself, not be an owner.
- The support should be mutual. In times of trouble, to be near: when it is bad - cry together, when it is good - to laugh together.
- Do not have the habit of being suspicious, noticing only the negative in a friend. Better to think and find in it good features character and tell him about it, praise for good deeds.
- Never make hasty conclusions about any actions, do not judge prematurely.
- To be tactful in conversation, not to interrupt in mid-sentence, to be able to listen with your heart, and this is a whole art.
- Learn to be compliant and not be afraid to say "I'm sorry" even when you're right. As they say: "It is not the one who is right who is right, but the one who was the first to reconcile."
- Do not allow your friend to discuss it with others in the absence of a friend, respecting his or her self-esteem.
- Sincerely interested in his life, take the initiative, offering practical help in any business. There is wise expression: "A good deed is devalued if you ask for it for a long time." This means that if a friend asks for something, you should act and help without delay, and not put off until later.
- Do not lie, even if the relationship deteriorates for a while, later friend will appreciate the honesty of another, subsequently the trust will increase. Do not use your friend for selfish, evil purposes.
- Last important point: don't be intrusive! Treat relationships in a balanced manner, do not often come to visit. Learn to keep secrets.
Perhaps someone will think that it is not easy to have a friend, you need to consider a lot, adhere to so many rules, sometimes give up comfort and run to help. But on the other hand, there are many advantages to such a friendship.
Firstly, there is no feeling of loneliness, a person can call at any moment, pour out his soul, ask for advice. Secondly, thanks to friendship, health improves, there is no stress. Thirdly, you can relax on weekends with friends in nature, travel, find joy in life together. Much more can be enumerated about the benefits of true friendship ...
There is no doubt - trusted friend it happens, you just need to look around, maybe someone does not even suspect that there is someone nearby who loves at all times, pleases with his attention, helps to become better for another, gives surprises even regular postcard... This kind of friendship is lasting!
1. Understand: as before will be gone
If with a friend, be prepared to see each other only on weekends at his house. Over the years 7-10. If there are several children, reset this counter with each subsequent child.
You will have to make appointments in advance and clarify many details. Is Tuesday convenient? Should I cook something myself, buy food or bring some groceries and we will cook together? Grab a drink? Shall we have dinner with the children and chat when they go to bed, or come when they are already asleep?
As sad as it sounds, you have to get used to this and many other things. For example, walking as before will work out only when the child is asleep. But even so, going to the cinema, bars and parties will not last until the morning, because a friend is unlikely to be able to leave for the whole night, unless, of course, he hired a nanny.
This approach is likely to be at variance with your expectations. You may be wondering why you should be adjusting and not a friend. There is only one advice: put yourself in his place.
Take a look at the situation with back side: visiting is not so bad!
It is cheaper than other types of recreation. You don't need to worry about appearance... While visiting, you will calmly chat in a cozy home environment and most importantly, keep the friendship.
If you are the same friend with a child, then there is some advice for you. Do not wait for someone to invite you to meet or be asked to visit. Call your friends yourself. Do not refuse gatherings, do not cancel meetings because of the alleged. Don't expect visiting friends to rush to help clean up or take care of the kids.
2. Adjust
It will not always work out to visit. For example, newly-made parents may not live alone, but with relatives who are not happy with your meetings. Their apartment can be so big that you will interfere with the children’s sleep. After all, you may not have a child, but dream about one, so being in a home with a toddler will be painful.
In any case, it is important to look for opportunities to meet and change your usual schedule if necessary. But don't think that this is how you sag under new rhythm a friend's life.
It's just easier for a person without children to change plans and release a couple of hours in the evening.
Do not forget that the main objective all this is to keep the friendship.
3. Learn to communicate again
If you have ever talked with people who have children, you have noticed their obsession with diapers and strollers. Yes, parenting involves learning new things every day, but you may not be interested in them at all.
However, most mums and dads are really happy to talk about something other than their baby. Therefore, when you come to visit, suggest some abstract topics. But don't overdo it. If your friend had a favorite job and now she is, don't talk about your job for too long. A half-hour story is enough, then change the subject.
If you are a friend who has children, then you will also need to monitor conversations. Understand that diapers and infant formula are only of interest to you. Don't be offended by your friends if you don't see the enthusiasm for discussing things that are important to you. A half-hour story about buying a new stroller is enough, then it's better to move on to another topic.
4. Find the pros of the current situation
It is easier for people without children to maintain friendly relations in this situation: they have more free time.
Another plus is the special closeness that will develop over time. Whatever one may say, you will take at least some part in the upbringing of your friend's children, and this will bind you even more than hanging out together on weekends.
Children are not a sentence. There will be a place in life for spending time together.
Although most often this place is a kitchen in a friend's house with children.
Faithful, reliable, devoted friends are able to brighten up our life, bring many joyful moments and events into it. It is not enough to find a person with whom you can share any joys and failures, the main thing is to keep with him a good relationship... There are times when most of us wonder how not to lose friendship? Let's try to answer the questions that arise, deal with its main main points.
How to tell if your friends are drifting away
As we age, each of us is overgrown with many obligations and concerns. In the morning we rush to work, in the evening we go home and there is simply no time for friends. And no one, by and large, is to blame for the fact that the need to talk, to pour out the soul disappears. There comes a moment when a person realizes that there are no friends left, they just moved away, they already have their own completely different life.
How not to miss such a turning point, what are the signs to understand that your friends have begun to slowly distance themselves.
The comrade stops calling. This is the first warning sign. A friend calls less and less, is not so often interested in your affairs, does not need everyday communication.
You meet less and less often and don't know about new events in each other's life, stop sharing secrets. It is worth paying attention to the frequency of meetings. If you have not seen each other for a long time, call yourself, do not wait months for an offer. Buy a cake and go visit.
A friend forgets about memorable dates for you and does not invite to celebrations, birthdays. This is not good at all. In this case, the friend may be offended by something, so you should not repeat his behavior, but try to talk to him, to meet.
He has a new company. Most likely, when a friend does not receive the communication he needs, he begins to look for it in the company of other people. This is quite unpleasant, it is advisable to try to understand the situation and find out the reasons for the rare communication.
Mistakes that lead to the loss of friendships
Strained relationships, rare meetings, lack of phone calls from friends - it's all for a reason. Most likely - there is a reason and perhaps it lies in you. What mistakes do we make before we lose our beloved friends?
Lie. We can deceive friends for one reason or another, but if deception is revealed, we risk losing a friend.
We don't find time. It is a big mistake if we think that we will be waiting forever. In most cases, there is always an opportunity to meet and chat - don't miss this opportunity.
We make fun of our friends or discuss their shortcomings with others. It's not beautiful. If your friend finds out about this, it will become very clear why he decided to refuse communication.
Constant use for your own benefit. We can regularly borrow money from a friend, ask them to do a certain amount of work for ourselves. At the same time, without giving anything in return. It might just get boring.
We refuse to help. It can ruin any relationship. Mutual assistance is an important point in friendship.
To borrow money. As the proverb says: "If you want to lose a friend, borrow money for him." Try not to lend to comrades large sums if you do not want to make an enemy in his face.
Jealousy. Never flirt or flirt with the passions of your comrades - this is a big mistake.
We talk a lot about ourselves not interested in a friend's life.
We don't keep promises. Carrying on a conversation and making momentary promises that are forgotten as soon as you say goodbye to a friend - Right way say goodbye to him forever.
What to do to keep friendships at a distance
Most believe that it is not easy to keep in touch with a person if he lives in another city or country. But this is not true. Now we will tell you how not to lose friendship and keep it at a distance.
A few tips will help with this:
Take time to socialize and do it as regularly as possible. Write letters to e-mail, v in social networks, call, chat on skype.
Don't forget about birthdays memorable dates, anniversaries and just important events in the life of a best friend.
Try to make your communication “personal”. Share secrets, trust secrets, consult.
Discuss topics that are interesting not only to you, but also to your friend, take an interest in his health, family, and so on.
Create a tradition for yourself and follow it no matter what.
Do small parties online. You can prepare wine, beer, fruits on both sides of the screens, discuss events and just joke.
Speak the truth. Admit that you are bored, that you want to see each other. More sincerity in words.
What to do when friendship is no longer mutual
What to do if Lately the person began to notice that his company burdens his friend, that he avoids communication and never calls himself.
Firstly, find the courage and challenge your friend to straight Talk... Perhaps they will reveal all the cards to you and explain what such incomprehensible and unpleasant behavior lies in. Resentment, curl, anger, banal lack of time can be hidden here.
Secondly, wait for a response, if nothing happens and your friend's behavior does not change, try to take time out and give him and yourself time to think, reflect on the current situation.
Thirdly, if all else fails and attempts to build a friendship remain in vain, just leave. There is nothing more to do. You can continue to miss your friend and remember pleasant moments, but it's time to put an end to it and not regret anything else. This means that the paths diverged and the friendship ended.
How financial issues can affect friendships
Probably, many have heard more than once stories about how two bosom comrades grew up together, walked, went to the same company, but after that they went on different roads. And all because one has achieved a lot, became financially independent. The second - remained average, works hard, but there are not enough stars from the sky.
Of course, in 99% of 100 - the more a person earns, the more he is developed and his interests begin to change, values become different. No, this is not at all about the fact that he becomes greedy and materialistic, by no means. It's just that people move away and stop understanding each other.
Unfortunately, it also happens that envy appears, and sometimes hatred. Money can easily destroy a long-standing friendship, unless a more successful comrade pulls up a second, lagging behind. Then the relationship can survive.
One thing is clear, friendship is not easy. Good, trusting relationship it is necessary to build with a person for years, to work on them, but even here there is no guarantee that someday this will not come to an end. Nevertheless, take care of your friends if they are really loyal and real, ready to come to the rescue at the first call. True friend Is a great gift.
It is difficult to find a true friend who will go through fire, water and copper pipes with you. Losing a friend is easy. It is much easier to start a friendly relationship. As with friends, anything can happen to friends, and you will also have to sacrifice something to come to the rescue. After all, friendship is not only sharing the joys, but also the sorrows for two. In the tumult of days we can lose friendships and move away. How to remember the valuable gift of friendship and not lose your close good friends? A few rules to keep in mind.
i.ytimg.com
Do not give out other people's secrets and keep secrets
Easy to advise - practically impossible to accomplish. Is that so? You are a bad friend. The exam has failed. They trusted you, but you betrayed. Changed. Do you forgive your boyfriend's cheating? Unlikely. So a friend will forgive once, twice, and then she will stop communicating, and you will lose her forever. Learn to keep secrets.
ic.pics.livejournal.com
In case of emergency, tell me: tell me only what I can blab to everyone. This bad advice, and cited it as absurdity. We have shown that silence is golden.
The ability to listen
Not only do you have the right to call in the middle of the night and cry into your vest. It happens that your friend also wants to receive advice and support from you. If you kick off football another time, then do not expect that the next time, your friend will not find time for you either. And generally in friendly relations listening skills may be even more important than the urge to speak. It is especially important to learn to listen without judgment. This will show you genuine interest in your friend.
Be interested
If you don't ask questions during the conversation, it looks strange. Either you are deaf, or you fell asleep, or you don't care.
risovach.ru
Wake up. Conversation is when you ask questions and listen with bated breath. Sincere interest to the affairs of another will make you a best friend.
Open your heart
Learn to feel and be aware of the pain, joy, happiness of other people, in particular your friends. Participation shows that you care about what happens in the lives of your loved ones. Don't be an icy. The Snow Queen always alone. Remember this. Attention and empathy will make you a best friend.
Make time for meetings
It's like a guy. You also need to meet with friends. Strong friendship just like love, it takes time and attention.
mtdata.ru
Yes, of course, a blockage at work and all that, but not all the time. You can always find time for a friend, girlfriend. A friend is not the one who has fun with you in nightclubs, but the one who will sit with you in the park on a bench all night, in the rain, when you have nowhere to sleep. Or he will take him to himself, feed him, give him something to drink and put him to bed. This is who a real friend is.
cdn.idntimes.com
Be grateful. Do not skimp on emotions
In the confusion, we forget to say how much we love our friends, how dear and important they are. Indifference is a bad friend. You can stay alone with her.
Friends are not discussed. Friends are protected
If you want to be a good friend, never say bad things behind your back. First, it shows you with bad side... What kind of friend are you? Dirty gossip and pretender. V best case just a fool. Second ... Read the first point. Be faithful. When your friends are denigrated behind their backs, do not be silent, protect. How else, then?
Talk about things that bother you.
If there is a misunderstanding in your relationship, it is better to talk about it, and not sulk like a mouse on a rump. Do not be silent unpleasant situations... Talk about problems and about different points vision is also part of friendship.
readnlive.com
Know how to rejoice at success
Everyone wants support from friends. A friend who encourages career endeavors or approves of a new relationship - good friend... Tell him that you will stay there no matter the situation.
Flytothesky.ru
Know how to apologize
There is no way in friendship without braids. We are all humans. Know how to say sorry. Quarrels happen in everyone, even in very strong relationship... If you have made a mistake for which you need to apologize, apologize, not attack.