Stories of childless women. Features of the experience of childlessness in men and women. Having kids is good

23.04.2019

When the author of these lines experienced miscarriages, it was not customary to talk about it yet. Now she invites people like her, the childless, to the dialogue. How to live with it? And can you reconcile? She almost made it herself. But sometimes 50-year-old Jill Gleason still thinks about what her unborn children could grow up to be.

"I don't talk much about my unsuccessful pregnancies. Nobody but my family and my best friends knows about it. There were three. Three lost child. But that was a long time ago, in past lives, and I don't think about it anymore. I'm 50 years old. I won't have children. My life took a different path. I accept and even welcome it.

After three miscarriages, you need to move on with your life. But sometimes thoughts “what if” still burst into consciousness after random phrases or situations. I remember a conversation a few years ago with a man whom I fell in love with and who broke my heart. We sat on the couch hugging and talking. Like me, he was divorced, like me, he had no children. He didn't want them. And he said jokingly: “It is a pity that we will not have children, they could have the same long legs as yours.”

I burst into tears and began to scream that he had no sense of tact. I think this outburst surprised us both. Then it occurred to me that perhaps I had not quite come to terms with my childlessness, as I thought before. Or I was so upset that my man didn’t care that we would never have children. It has always seemed to me to be the ultimate act of love and devotion.

I experienced my first miscarriage at the age of 22, being madly in love with my fiancé. The pregnancy was accidental and I was very nervous.

The child died at 12 weeks. I had to surgically delete little lump tissue, which in six months could become a man. Even though it was lifeless, my body clung to it and didn't want to let go.

My future husband was just as broken by it as I was. Long years he kept the first conclusion from the clinic that I was pregnant. Now Sean and his current wife have nine children.

Two other miscarriages happened at the same time. The man I got pregnant with was not a good man and I said to myself that maybe it's for the best. That's what you tell yourself after you've lost a baby, and that's what you hear from friends and family (if they tell you anything at all). Although at that time I just wanted to be sympathized with.

I will never forget the ultrasound I had during my second pregnancy: cold jelly on my slightly rounded belly. Two hearts that the doctor found. "Twins," he said.

After that, I will never get pregnant again. This is fine. I am not one of those who think that all women must become mothers. Some of us are simply not made to give birth.

Childless women create their offspring in other ways. For me, these are words. The book I am writing will soon be my baby. I bring up my parents, friends, a dog. My life was interesting and eventful, I was lucky in many ways. I have traveled all over the world from Ecuador to Israel. I loved and was loved, and although now I am alone, I believe that love will return to me.

But sometimes, when children surround me, I feel a little prick in my heart. I look at their parents, how they laugh or cry, how they hold hands and hug, and I think: “That could be me!”.

I think about the kids I never had, especially the first one. We wanted to call him Sullivan or Sully, whether it was a boy or a girl. Ideal Name: Unique but not silly. Good way to honor Sean and my Irish roots.

Sally would have been 28 now. He could be a writer like me or an artist like his father. Or it would be a strong independent young woman, brave and tough, traveling the world. doctor or farmer. My child who never was.

The strange thing is, my body knows what pregnancy is without ever having a baby. I know morning sickness I can still smell Chicago's humid summer air, the scents I inhaled during Sullivan's pregnancy. I then covered my nose as I walked past the dumpsters, desperately trying to control the rising nausea.

I know how sensitive breasts become and how quickly they change. your mood. Like you want to eat all the time. I know what it's like to stroke your belly, wondering what a person is growing inside. Seeing blood stains on panties when they shouldn't be there. And hear the doctor say, "Sorry, I can't hear a heartbeat."

My only brother died three years ago without becoming a father. I never asked my parents if they missed their grandchildren. My mom and dad are also travelers, they are like big kids themselves. And they never pressured me to try to get pregnant again.

My two have sister has a daughter, Olivia, beautiful girl 17 years. They are very close to my father, she often visits him. Sometimes, when I look at them, something inside me cracks, like ice in a glass. He would love his grandchildren. And my mom too.

Now the parents have been for many years: dad is 84, mom is 79, and she was recently diagnosed with dementia. When they leave, I will be alone. I won't have a family anymore, I'm the last one. Who will take care of me in my old age?

For the first time in my life it occurs to me that I can love a man with children. Of course, now the children of any of my potential partners adults, and that's okay. But I like to think that even at my age I still have a chance to start a family.”

I remember the first time I heard from the TV screen that a childless woman is flawed.

Talk show. Two women are speaking: a university teacher, professor, doctor of sciences, convinced childless, and a young woman of about twenty. The young woman has heart disease, achondroplasia (dwarfism) and other diseases. Doctors forbid giving birth. She enthusiastically broadcasts how she will give birth anyway. She is applauded. Then they give the floor to the professor. She says for some time - speaks eloquently, convincingly, with lecturer's specific intonations - that children are not necessary. There is a favorite work, there are students. Leading without listening:

But a woman without children is defective!

A pause, everyone, hushed and uncomprehending, goes home.

That is, no. Pause, everyone applauds.

http://maiorova.livejournal.com/164707.html

And here

http://tyotasofa.livejournal.com/137703.html reasons why childless women are flawed:

"I DO NOT JUDGE CHILDFREE"

I decided to write about this topic. Although I, it seems, have nothing to talk about - I am the happy owner of a son and daughter, which means I am in a privileged position regarding childless women. Society does not condemn me, but, on the contrary, approves in every possible way. It may well condemn me for something else, but you can’t find fault with children. And yet, I will speak out, standing on a stool in my privileged class of "she mothers." Every woman has the right to choose. To give birth or not to give birth is a personal matter. I don't blame child free if they made such a decision - great, it's their choice, I respect it. But not everyone understands that the word "choice" implies responsibility for this choice. What am I talking about?

Well, for example, after graduation, you choose not to work in an office, but to hitchhike and live on what you get from selling photos and maintaining a travel blog. Great choice! But if in a few years you get tired of such a life and you want a stable salary - do not be offended if you are hired only for the lowest positions with a small salary. You will have to start your career from scratch and a few years later than your peers. And there is no one to blame.
Another example. I am a body-positive person and choose not to diet or exercise because it is hard for me. Great, this is my choice. But for this choice, I must be willing to pay the price of poor health, little or no choice. sexual partners, increased fatigue from the slightest load.
This is my choice and I must accept the consequences.

Speech, actually, only about it. On the choice and consequences of choosing childlessness. In yesterday's postmayorovait was about a woman scientist, professor(hell, I can’t pick up a feminitive for “professor”, so be it)who has a favorite job, many students and, in general, a very busy life. And they tried to label this woman “flawed” just because she has no children. Why does she need children? She actually fulfilled her mother's program - she has students, she has someone to talk to and what to do in life. She took place. This is where the watershed runs. Not all women who decide not to have children admit the possibility that they may not take place. Each one says, "I'd rather be an accomplished woman than wait for a screaming baby." And what do they mean by "take place"? If a woman has retirement age have a good income, own housing, perhaps loving husband and a small dog - did it take place or not? Alas. own material well-being and good health does not yet mean "an accomplished woman."

I spent a lot of time in hospitals when I was young. And several times, childless women turned out to be with me. Strongly elderly women, I must say.
In other words, old women. Lonely, not poor, even by the meager standards of the 90s. Well-dressed, in jewelry, they looked after themselves very carefully, building babylons from jars and tubes on hospital bedside tables. Well, they were unbearable! They needed to communicate! Daily and a lot. And since the rest of the older women were married and with children, and they had to communicate more interesting friend with a friend, then the old women clung to me - an unmarried student. Clutched in a stranglehold and the stories began. Women they were all different, and told different things. One boasted of her success in her youth and victories over men, the other talked about her sufferings and illnesses, endless, like Job's ulcers. The third shared her impressions of her trips abroad - she was the wife of a diplomat and traveled a lot. They not only forced themselves to listen, they also demanded attention and help for themselves, and it seemed to them that I, a young girl, should take care of them by default. Give water, go to the kiosk for a newspaper, sew on a button, call a nurse, and so on and so forth. One, after being discharged from the hospital, called me at home (begged for a phone number) and asked me to go back and forth for her, to fulfill some assignments. I would have gone if not for my smart mother, who found out who was calling and what she needed and forbade me to do anything at all. “Then you won’t get off!” - Mom said and I think she was right. Mom then gave me a text that was unpleasant for childless women, where it was about inferiority, and about the fact that “I lived all my life for myself, my beloved” and other patriarchal things. I think my mother was just offended - she raised two children and she almost never had time to "live for herself."

So, I really don’t like childless women of this format. I have met them many times since then. One of these is my grandmother's sister, and how much we suffered with her when she became very old, this is a separate song. They imposed themselves, they molested and demanded attention, communication, some were arrogant and domineering, others pathetic and aching, but these women always produced exactly that. negative impression, which scare the young and childless - crazy lonely old women.

I saw other childless women in my old age, I must say, there were much fewer of them than the first. Smart, accomplished, interesting, with whom I wanted to communicate voluntarily, and not out of politeness. One of them was my teacher at the institute - the smartest elderly lady, we ran tails after her and looked into her mouth. It was considered an honor for her to do some work. And if she praised - that's it, then I wanted to jump with delight. I think this woman had no shortage of interlocutors and she always had someone to come to the hospital and she did not suffer from loneliness.

The second was friends with my aunt for many years. Lidia Mikhailovna was a "splendid" woman. That's what the men around me said. She was always very expensive and tastefully dressed, knew a lot, saw a lot, was an excellent storyteller and a very friendly person. She arranged someone's business, got scarce goods, vouchers to a sanatorium, sat with other people's children and dogs. She was friends with her aunt for many years, she considered her family almost her own, she adored her daughter, my sister, like her own, and was busy with her a lot. Therefore, it is not surprising that when Lidia Mikhailovna grew old and completely took ill, my sister went to her every week, helped, carried food and cleaned, and the children of other friends also helped her. In turn. Her apartment, by the way, moved some distant relatives, so the help was completely disinterested.

So the point, I think, is not whether you gave birth or not. And in fact - have you raised at least someone? Have you invested in at least one person? No, it is a mistake to put effort into the project "husband", because, men live less on average, the project can be completed ahead of schedule. It doesn't matter if these are your children or your students - you receive a part of yourself, your personality from the older generation, and you must give part of yourself to the younger generation. No wonder there is a saying “Youth loves to learn, and old age loves to teach”. I once read that older people have a physical need to teach, give advice and, in general, get into the lives of young people. They have a need for the transfer of experience as strong as in youth - the need to have sex. Therefore, I stopped being annoyed at my mother's teachings. It's just a need, you have to humble yourself and listen. I will be like this in my old age.

It turns out that women who have not given birth, who have not raised their children or students in old age, remain with an unsatisfied need to pass on experience. Someone to pass it on.
Not to the beloved terrier. Combined with deteriorating health, a reduced social circle, they find themselves in isolation. And from this they begin to harass those around them. Someone in the housing office makes a row, someone swears with neighbors, someone sticks to any benevolent person from among his acquaintances and begins to “load” him, hanging on the phone for hours or luring him to visit. And it’s a pity for such an old woman and it’s inconvenient to offend with a refusal, but what a boring woman she is! How long can you listen to the same thing?

That's what I'm trying to say. About choice. Having made a choice in favor of childlessness, be prepared for the consequences of this choice. That is, for a lonely old age. Get yourself friends, students, some interesting hobby in advance. In order not to annoy others with your whining in old age, not to beg for the miserable crumbs of attention and communication.
Of course, one can object to me that a child is not at all a guarantee of a happy old age. That you can give birth to a child, raise him and then lose (pah-pah-pah!) That children can go to another country. Become criminals and go to jail. Well, or just stop talking to your mother. They can, of course. But at least you will have memories and they will be a reason to live on. When giving birth to a child, a woman always takes risks. But if you do not feel the strength to accept your lonely old age, if you are not going to teach several generations of students or become a world celebrity, it is better to give birth or adopt, or raise someone else. Or help someone grow. Invest your strength in someone who will give you a return in old age. Old age is not such a short period in life, it can drag on for twenty or thirty years, especially since, according to statistics, men live fewer women, which means that it is not a fact that the husband will outlive you. And children are very convenient. They will be the only ones who really care about your health, your dog, and what you had for lunch today. Everyone else doesn't give a damn about it and needs to put up with it.

You can, of course, still object. That it is only in our society that we have such a sick society, that we do not respect old age, that an old man we are forced to fall into social isolation and so on, and giving birth to everyone without exception is not a way out. OK. I'm only trying to say that an active and truly accomplished woman has no problems in old age in communication and help. But is every childfree sure that she will become just like that? Here's what I suggest women think about before deciding not to become a mother. If I am confident in myself and have enough strength - for God's sake, I respect choice and honesty. But I can't stand whining lonely old women, sorry. These are truly deplorable. I will quote from the book by Yuri German “I am responsible for everything” (this is about Soviet doctors who have not read it, I recommend it, an excellent book and the whole trilogy is magnificent):

“I won’t open America to you, Volodechka, if I write that a woman who has not given birth is not a woman. No, this is not about physiology, although it means a lot, I am writing about something else now. to educate, but you need to give yourself to the child. It is not so important whether he is yours or completely alien. It is determined only by what you have invested in him and in what quantity - I mean, of course, not glucose and proteins, but the strength of feeling. Koshkins feelings to some nature lovers, about which I wrote to you, may seem majestic, but this is only an instinct, and not the spirit and strength of motherhood.
Dear Volodya! I saw different people and including women who didn't want to be bound. My God, what, in old age, they were unfortunate, miserable widows. How they cherished and cherished themselves, how they treated themselves, their nobody right health how earnestly, almost fulfilling the religious sacraments, they fed themselves now sweet, now sour, now salty. How they dressed their withering bodies, how they focused on nonsense and trifles, unworthy of a man how the words were pronounced: “cozy”, “delicious”, “warm”, “sweet”. I spoke with such: “Damn you, parasites, scoundrels, we don’t have enough sisters, nurses, go, how can you, how can you not be ashamed?”
No, they were not ashamed.
They were not ashamed when one of them died and there was no one to see her like that.
She did not cause grief to anyone with her death - she only caused trouble with the organization of her funeral, a kind of widow.
That's all the memory of her!
Mimoid, indifferent, outsiders!"

UPD. Perhaps, it is necessary to add about men and their childlessness-childlessness. All of the above fully applies to childless lonely old people. The only difference is that they are even more disgusting and intrusive than childless old women. One thing pleases - they live less and there are not so many of them.
UPD-2. Damn, I need to add more, otherwise I was already accused of condemning childless women and automatically approving childless men. Why did I write about childless women? Yes, because a woman CAN give birth to a child. A man - CAN'T. And the choice of childlessness-childlessness is primarily intended for women, not for men. And so, I repeat, all of the above applies to men completely. Chose childlessness? Well done. Live happily. Don't force yourself on anyone. Neither society nor others.

“I don’t talk much about my failed pregnancies. Nobody but my family and my best friends knows about it. There were three. Three lost children. But that was a long time ago, in past lives, and I don't think about it anymore. I'm 50 years old. I won't have children. My life took a different path. I accept and even welcome it.

I experienced my first miscarriage at the age of 22, being madly in love with my fiancé. The pregnancy was accidental and I was very nervous.

The child died at 12 weeks. I had to surgically remove a small lump of tissue that in six months could become a person. Even though it was lifeless, my body clung to it and didn't want to let go.

My future husband was just as devastated by this as I was. For many years he kept the first conclusion from the clinic that I was pregnant. Now Sean and his current wife have nine children.

Two other miscarriages happened at the same time. The man I got pregnant with wasn't a good person, and I told myself that maybe it was for the best. That's what you tell yourself after you've lost a baby, and that's what you hear from friends and family (if they tell you anything at all). Although at that time I just wanted to be sympathized with.

I will never forget the ultrasound I had during my second pregnancy: cold jelly on my slightly rounded belly. Two hearts that the doctor found. "Twins," he said.

After that, I will never get pregnant again. This is fine. I am not one of those who think that all women must become mothers. Some of us are simply not made to give birth.

But sometimes, when children surround me, I feel a little prick in my heart. I look at their parents, how they laugh or cry, how they hold hands and hug, and I think: “That could be me!”.

I think about the kids I never had, especially the first one. We wanted to call him Sullivan or Sully, whether it was a boy or a girl. Ideal Name: Unique but not silly. A nice way to honor Sean and me Irish roots.

The strange thing is, my body knows what pregnancy is without ever having a baby. I know morning sickness, I can still smell Chicago's humid summer air, the scents I inhaled during Sullivan's pregnancy. I then covered my nose as I walked past the dumpsters, desperately trying to control the rising nausea.

I know how sensitive breasts become and how quickly your mood changes. Like you want to eat all the time. I know what it's like to stroke your belly, wondering what a person is growing inside. Seeing blood stains on panties when they shouldn't be there. And hear the doctor say, "Sorry, I can't hear a heartbeat."

My cousin has a daughter, Olivia, a beautiful girl of 17 years old. They are very close to my father, she often visits him. Sometimes, when I look at them, something inside me cracks, like ice in a glass. He would love his grandchildren. And my mom too.

For the first time in my life it occurs to me that I can love a man with children. Of course, now the children of any of my potential partners are already adults, and this is normal. But I like to think that even at my age I still have a chance to start a family.”

“If you care about your salvation, prove it not with words, but with deeds...” St. John Chrysostom

Today my interlocutors will again be women. I would like to finish the conversation I started on the topic female loneliness. I will no longer dissuade anyone from marriage and scare anyone with “horror stories” from family life. I'll try to give practical advice on the topic "Women and Children". Let me tell you right now: they are not for everyone. I welcome criticism and disagreement. But, perhaps, someone will hear me, try to look at their lives through the prism of reflection on the proposed topic.

1. The life of a woman should be connected with children

This is my first statement, or rather, the thesis dictated by life. With what children? With your relatives? Not at all, just with kids in general. Especially if the woman did not marry, did not become a mother, and she has no children. Every girl needs to think about this from a young age: “What if I don’t have my own children?” But, as a rule, an ordinary young woman does not think about this, just as none of us thinks about which cemetery he will be buried in. It is not customary to talk about the place of our burial, we want to live happily ever after on this earth ... It has been noticed that the hardest of all are those sorrows for which we do not prepare, from which we try in every possible way to distance ourselves. Childlessness is especially hard to experience as an unexpected ordeal that the girl never thought about. For some reason, all women are sure that they will get married, be happy in marriage and, of course, experience the joy of motherhood. But such dreams do not always come true for everyone. There is no guarantee.
difference modern woman from women of the past, in my opinion, is most clearly manifested in relation to children. Children are no longer desired goal, their birth is not perceived as a joy, and the labor of education turns into an inevitable duty. A woman's life is filled with work career, material wealth. At work, among colleagues, many are more interesting than at home, with a child in their arms or in a dressing gown by the stove. There is an obvious displacement from the consciousness of a modern woman of the most important values and concepts that the Gospel speaks of. An indicator of this problem is the type of activity, professions that women choose. Work in a bank or tourism industry, personal business or scientific activity, traveling abroad and even participating in politics is the desire and dream of many modern young women and girls. Such activities are unlikely to bring them inner satisfaction and make them happy. But the desire to live beautifully and richly, to be “stylish and modern”, to have influential friends and many admirers - not everyone will refuse such dreams and temptations ...
It is sad that working with children is becoming unfashionable, and there are fewer and fewer people who want to devote themselves to children every year. Often, picking up children from school, I see the faces of teachers. Most of them are women, and no longer young. And their faces are usually bright and kind, and their speech is smooth and calm. Young teachers are different. They are strict, literate, self-possessed and often very good... But they still do not have that warmth of heart and worldly wisdom that comes with years of work at school and is so necessary for children and their parents... A female teacher will definitely find and reveal herself in her work, Or rather, in service. It is sad to believe in the everyday observation that people who have devoted their lives to raising children have their own children far from ideal. Time spent in school often works in teachers' families against their own children. All the strength and love goes to other children - and only crumbs of attention and minutes of interest remain for their own. Therefore, in our prayers, after the spiritual fathers and parents, we will always commemorate the first teacher and those educators and teachers who helped our life and Christian development. Work school teacher very important and necessary, it reveals the best feminine qualities and virtues. Such a woman becomes softer over the years, more kindness appears in her soul, and then humility. The reason is contact with children and closeness to them. A woman needs it, she was created for this. Children are an area where a woman should be, including a single, unmarried woman. Of course, not only school is a great place for a woman to work. How great it is when a girl wants to be a pediatrician or a nurse in a maternity hospital, an educator in kindergarten, child psychologist or speech therapist. In a word, woman and children, even in professional activity, are inseparable concepts.

2. It’s good for a single woman to be around another family.

For example, a brother or sister. The influence of an aunt on nephews can be the most good and kind. Many people know about this. Extra female hands irreplaceable in big family especially with small children. The help of a sister in the household is different from the work of a nanny or the strict presence of a mother-in-law. But so important is a calm, benevolent climate in the house, silence, the absence of conflicts and loud disputes, often over trifles, because of nonsense. Siblings will always find general theme for conversation, adjust to each other in the same kitchen. Such option is suitable unmarried girl from large family. Usually one of them remains a virgin until the end of his life and lives on the rights native person in a family with nephews. In my mother's family, her own uncle could not marry. According to my wife, Uncle Vasya was a full-fledged educator of his two nephews and two nieces for 20 years. Family life sibling helped him, the man, keep his purity and invest his male powers and pedagogical ability in favorite children. If it helped a man, then, probably, it will help an unmarried woman? Only to live in the family of a brother or sister, you need to have enough patience, humility and diligence. Your presence should be desired by all household members.

3. Adoption of a child

We are talking about the guardianship or adoption of another child by an unmarried woman. Are you immediately outraged and disagree with me? How is it possible to raise and educate a child? full family where there is a man - a breadwinner and a father! Yes, this is the most best situation, there is no dispute. But today we are talking about something else. That normal woman bad without kids. Understanding and feeling this, the childless unmarried women behave differently. I will consider two options for female behavior.

3.1. "Birth for yourself"

Those words immediately give me goosebumps. And you? Hearing about it is unpleasant, and even more so - to see it in life. Unfortunately I watched similar phenomenon repeatedly. "Technically" this is easy to do. As they say, there are more than enough people who want it, especially since some future “would-be mothers” do not even pretend to be helped by a man. The conception of a child often comes from married men, a man is selected according to the criteria of a breeding bull or thoroughbred stallion. His "legitimate" children are taken into account. If they are beautiful and healthy, and their father is not averse to "having fun on the side", then the conception of a child is a matter of time and place. I had to hear about such actions from our believing women. At that time, their conscience was completely stifled, concreted, the concept of sin was completely absent. In the first place was a terrible egoism, which dictated an insane animal desire - "I WANT A CHILD!!!" No convictions are valid at that moment, an appeal to conscience and intimidation by the judgment of God is useless. Everything is darkened by passion and madness. To remind about the Christian calling and the purity of life is like throwing peas against the wall. You are convinced that sin completely takes possession of a person, blinds him and disorients him.
In this sense, the difference in the experience of prodigal sin between a man and a woman is interesting. Fornication for a man is almost a “common” thing, especially on business trips, on vacation, and always “drinking”. After a sin, there is often an awareness of guilt, repentance for it, self-loathing, the “beaten dog and dirty pig” syndrome. At confession, two people are usually surprised at once: a) a man - at the very question when the priest asks him about fornication, for almost everyone is guilty of it, including him; b) a priest, when he finds out that an adult healthy man has retained his purity without sinning with fornication.
Quite different is the repentance of single women who wanted to become pregnant through sin. They can be divided into two types. The first are "harlots-losers." They failed to get pregnant, the goal is not achieved. At confession, they not only name the sin, but also take offense at their lives, and especially at the "barren man." The second type is "lucky". Such people do not just repent of fornication to the priest, but they are the first to tell him about their joy in the future unfortunate motherhood. Once a woman “for herself” became pregnant with twins at once, and I was the first to know about it. And now let's consider another option, where there is no sin, but there is God's blessing.

3.2. Take someone else's baby

Which will soon become his own - the most dear and beloved. But you need to want this, you need to believe in it and start praying about it. Such a prayer reaches God. The main thing is to know and fulfill His will. Our temple has unmarried girls who are tired of waiting and decide to act, with the blessing of the confessor and personal desire. Together we decided that first we need to enroll in special courses for foster parents. Start studying, listen to the advice of doctors and psychologists, communicate more with the parents of adopted children themselves and, of course, intensify your prayer to God. Think and reflect, and most importantly - do not rush. “The will of God is revealed in patience,” our blessed elders used to repeat. You need to make a special daily rule about enlightenment and knowledge of the will of God in this important matter. The course does not obligate you to anything. You can graduate and not take a child - and this will be a normal, honest act. And you can decide, but only with faith, with the desire to warm the child's soul with your warmth, to become for the baby native mother. For God, the most important thing is the mood of the human heart and our participation in the fate of another person, and especially a child. Pure and undefiled piety before God and the Father is to look after (take care of, take care of - author's note) orphans ... in their sorrows (James 1, 27). The practice of adoption is very ancient, including when children were taken by unmarried women. For example, writes about this Reverend Abba Dorotheus in his teachings. True, little girls were taken not only by pious virgins for Christian upbringing, but also by harlot women to learn their satanic craft (for more details, see Abba Dorotheus in the lesson “On not judging your neighbor”). To be honest, the experience of adopting children by single women is very modest, but it still exists. In such cases, the consent of all households is required, and rightly so. A child taken into the family will oblige to take care of himself not only his own new mom but usually her parents. And for older people, raising and raising a baby is not an easy job. In a word, I end my reflections with an open ending, offering everyone who is interested in this topic to make a decision on their own and, most importantly, responsibly. There is probably no unequivocal answer to the question whether to take or not to take a child, and hardly anyone will take the responsibility to say the last word for another. According to your faith, be it to you (Matt. 9:29) ...
Our conversation is coming to an end. My thoughts today were about women who have not known the joys of motherhood. It is not easy for them, they do not lose hope of arranging their personal life, because any woman is destined to be a wife and mother. Women's heart created for love - pure and sacrificial. Best of all, in my opinion, such love is manifested in relation to children. Next to children, any woman reveals her best qualities, feels his demand, finds the application of his abilities and knowledge. And there are a lot of children who need love and help. They are with us and waiting for us. You can't be discouraged if it doesn't work out personal life and dreams did not come true female happiness. You can’t give up, but you need to trust in God and act. Learn to love not in word and tongue, but in deed and truth (1 John 3:18). And if a woman learns to love through children, will she not achieve salvation?