“My older sister. She is 44 now, the commercial director of a large German company, her own house, a Mercedes with a driver, great things, every morning to the salon for styling and makeup before work, after work most often a restaurant with some important clients of the company, theaters (mostly fashion premieres and also with clients), exhibitions, mainly specialized in work. Rest 5-6 times a year in good resorts. Looks great, usually cheerful, very sociable, there are many men around (but one is close, not married to her). Outwardly, everything is very rosy, she tells us all that she is happy, but once a year at some holiday she drinks a little (she usually doesn’t drink anything at all) and cries that she would be happy if, in addition to everything, she would wait for her daughter at home. She did not give birth to a child, because went up the career ladder very sharply, was afraid that pregnancy and the child would not allow her to grow further, she “grew up” to the commercial director by the age of 39, she first spoke about the child at 40, but for some reason does not want to give birth, with pleasure in weekend takes mine eldest daughter to visit you. She has someone to give her a glass of water: she has a cook and an au pair around the clock at home, and she has many relatives, she says that she is happy that she has a sister and brother, that she is loved by someone and needed by someone.

“My aunt (56) has no children. Sometimes she regrets not having a child. And sometimes, as she looks around - there is no work in her provincial town, young people often drink, many young people will start a family, but still live with their parents in a kopeck piece-three rubles - there is no money, scandals, disagreements with mother-in-law, generations hate each other, hopeless hopelessness ... Not everyone lives like that, of course, but very many. Then she says she’s glad she doesn’t have children.”

“I have a third marriage, I didn’t want children from any husband, I just don’t like children, and I treat husbands exactly, I can’t do anything about it. In my youth, I worked with children, everything was fine, and then, as it was cut off, it is very rare that any child on the street will like it, I force myself to love my niece. Everything is in order with her health, unfortunately, there were abortions in her youth and every pregnancy she felt a terrible fear of her condition. Maybe my grandmother set my brains like that, she had 5 children, she was a wonderful mother, grandmother, but nevertheless she heard from her several times "Why do they need children?" Maybe if I met a man whom I would fall madly in love with and who would himself push me to conceive the fruit of love, then I would decide, but no, it’s just not for me to breed. And recently my mother told me, and rightly so, that you do not give birth. Until now, I have not made a final conclusion whether I did the right thing or not. Perhaps I have deprived myself of happiness, and perhaps I have escaped suffering. But I don’t want to tempt fate and put an experiment on a child, how many mothers don’t love their children, because it’s not theirs.

“My great-aunt is barren, and besides, she doesn’t like children and never wanted them. Her husband loved the children and even tried to persuade her to adopt, but she was categorically against it. They lived together for 40 years. Two years since he died. When I gave birth to my daughter, he was so fond of her. She treats children with disgust, still. She is sad only that now she is left alone, since in fact her husband was fiddling with her as with capricious child».

“My three friends are 40, never married, no kids. They live normally, everyone works in good positions, one is closely engaged in summer cottages, the other is repairing and traveling, the third is oriental practices and all sorts of other hobbies. At last years 5 ago there were thoughts about "giving birth", but never gave birth. Nobody wants to get married AT ALL. I myself am divorced, 2 children, worn like a savraska. My children are "daughters of the regiment", my girlfriends love them and communicate with pleasure at meetings (we never drove children away from "adult" conversations, we always talked on equal terms). Sometimes I envy my friends, because they live for their own pleasure. They have time to take care of themselves, their health, I practically don’t have this time. I can’t wait until the children grow up, then I’ll get a dog and we’ll go with friends to visit each other and relax all together without looking back at the children.

“Very often “chronically lonely” people are peculiar, to put it mildly. It is absolutely clear that the majority are deep, terry egoists. My friend is almost 40 years old, she bathes in her loneliness, is busy with her beloved, nurturing her "bad character" (in her own words). He rents a studio, 10 minutes walk to work, the work is primitive, but calm and irresponsible. She has a very elderly lover who lives in another country, with whom she has been talking two or three times a year for about 15 years. To be honest, I don’t feel sorry for her at all.

Even more stories

Women with children often talk about childless women don't know what they're missing in life. But do these women know what they lose by deciding to have children?

After all, children are an individual preference, not a duty.

sleep late

This is a fairly simple item, but it is he who is the most expensive for many women. If you don't have kids, you can get up early or sleep late. On weekends, you can sleep even longer. But if you have children, then you cannot do this. For some, this may sound rather strange, but if you have children, then you will immediately understand this need to wake up at five in the morning to take care of not only yourself, but also your child.

Travels

The opportunity to travel is one of the opportunities that women who decide not to have children talk about most often. You can afford to travel more if you don't have children, and travel itself is much more enjoyable and convenient. You don't need a special car seat, a stroller, a bag full of diapers, and you won't be disturbed by a hungry, bored, tired, sleepy or any other child.

Saving

If we are talking about travel, then it is worth noting also the fact that money is another big occasion don't have children. As you begin to grow up, questions most likely begin to appear in your head about how your mother could afford such a luxury as raising a child. In fact, everything is very simple: mothers have to sacrifice a lot. They have to sacrifice everything so that the children have food on the table, clothes to go to school in, medicines to take when they are sick, and all other things that are related to the child.

Dirty diapers

Even aside from costs (although everyone knows that diapers are incredibly expensive and parents have to spend a fortune on them until their child is potty trained), the constant need to change dirty diapers is another serious problem. Of course, hardly anyone speaks out against the use of diapers, but every woman who does not have children is simply happy that she does not need to constantly change them. 'Cause she don't have to get up in the middle of the night for crying baby and hope that this time everything works out and she does not have to "enjoy" in again bewitching aroma.

Living on your own

It's not just about freedom of travel. The fact that you are an adult without children gives you a kind of freedom. You can live your life the way you want, doing what you need to do to achieve your dreams. If you have children, then you will not take risks. You will not be able to leave work to try yourself in a new, more interesting direction for you. After all, it will be an irresponsible decision that will affect not only your life, but also the lives of children. If you have kids, you can't decide at the last minute that you want to go to the movies, or go somewhere, you can't stay up late somewhere. Without children, your life follows your momentary choices. All you have to worry about is paying the bills, and everything else in life can happen the way you want it to.

Peace and quiet

If you have never heard a baby cry, you can consider yourself lucky. After all, children with their cries and crying can take such high notes that seem inhuman. Regardless of the reason for the screams, you will have to take some time to get used to. So one of the most important things that women without children appreciate in their absence is complete silence in the house.

Time for yourself

As with peace and quiet, many women without children greatly appreciate the times when they do not have to think about any obligations at all. If you paid your bills, took a shower and ate, and finished necessary work, all the time turns into time for itself.

Unchanging body

This is one rather popular point, which, however, you are unlikely to hear if you ask a woman a question about why she does not want to have children. But almost every woman thought about it. One of the things she loves when it comes to not having kids is having total control over own body. Having achieved perfect figure, many women begin to think that they will never gain this weight in their lives, including the weight that accompanies growing a child in the womb. What's more, some women struggle to maintain or lose weight, so they don't want to put their body through the horrendous stress of pregnancy. They don't want to face the problem of milk oozing from the breasts, mastitis and other similar things that come up during pregnancy and after childbirth.

Life control

This paragraph is similar to the one in which it was told about the life of own will but it's a little deeper. If you don't have children, then your life is your decision. Firstly, you can decide whether you want to have children or not, because in the past this possibility was practically not considered on a voluntary basis. Therefore, in modern world you have full control over your own life and you can only thank fate and evolution for this gift.

Having kids is good

For some reason, many people believe that women who have not had children do not love them and consider motherhood to be something bad. Actually it is not. They may well be happy for you, they may think that having children is good for you if you yourself made such a choice for yourself. They fully admit the idea that children can be the most wonderful and wonderful event in someone's life. It's just not the life they chose specifically for themselves.

Not having kids is fine too

Women who decide not to have children very often hear opinions that they simply do not understand what they are missing in life. Or better yet: what they will never know in their lives true love without having children. First, it is worth noting that such statements can offend and offend very much in that other forms of love are significantly belittled. And now it is worth imagining a situation in which this is said not to the woman who decided not to have children, but to the one who cannot have them. So even if a woman does not have children, this does not mean that there are no people in her life whom she loves.

A little selfishness

Many women who decide not to have children use the word "selfish" when they talk about their decision (or when they talk about someone talking about their decision).
However, it is worth remembering that selfishness is not always a bad thing, especially if it means that you live in accordance with your own values ​​​​and do not let anyone dictate how you live.

5 childless women who have lived half a century: what is it like for them to live without becoming mothers

The most popular leitmotif when discussing childfree in RuNet: when the fertile age passes, they will regret a hundred times over that they didn’t have a child. Because their whole life will be meaningless.

We spoke to ladies who have lived for about half a century or more, who, according to different reasons did not have children, and found out how their life turned out and what they really regret.

“I thought about adopting, I realized that I no longer want children”

At first I wanted a child, but the relationship did not work out. I had two abortions. Then I thought about adopting someone or doing IVF, but gave up these ideas: I realized that I no longer want children. Parents did not put pressure on grandchildren, they did not even want the first child: marriage did not work out, and the young man was not much of a Slav.

I didn't want a baby during my second pregnancy. There was one abroad. My partner could not be called wealthy, and alone I was afraid that I would not pull it. After the abortion, the partner threw tantrums, called at night shouting: “You are a killer! You killed my child!” I had to contact the police.

We built adoption and IVF projects with other partners. But as soon as they began to live with me, they immediately sat on my neck and turned into freeloaders. Children were out of the question now.

I'm not sure I would be a good mother. And my career took off. I think I had the opportunity to experience difficulties without feeling hopeless, without fear for someone else's life. Maybe later I will regret that there were no children. Maybe not. Who knows how life and death will turn out.

“Nature is still silent”

I never wanted children, did not like children, but I kept thinking that the time will come, nature will say its own and I want. But nature is still silent.

I had partners with whom I did not sign and lived for several years. However, even now there is. As for the children, they never pressed. My parents were ill for a long time - first my mother was on hemodialysis for 14 years, then my father was seriously ill for five years, they had no time for grandchildren. The rest of the family tried to be interested - they say, when? I said that I don’t want to, but when I want to, I’ll think about what to do with it. They didn't insist. Yes, I actually tried family holidays not showing up is very boring. In my opinion, I was immediately cut off for them.

Whether my life is better or worse than that of women with children, I can’t judge, women with children have their joys, I have mine. It's like comparing sour with soft.

To be completely honest, I have to invest in my children close friend, so I didn’t shy away from children at all. I help with money and food, or to sit with them (now they have grown up and there is no need to sit with them), so I can well imagine what would happen if I had children. I’m afraid it would be bad for the children - I don’t pick them up, I try not to touch them, to talk less. So it's good that I don't have my own children.

“She was the main earner of money in the house”

It so happened that I young years was the main earner of money in the house. I had a sick mother and two old grandmothers, I had to work and work. But I never longed to have a family at all, otherwise I would have found time even with these works. T those who proposed marriage were actively disliked, and it was really uninteresting to look for it myself.

Mom was a little upset that I didn’t have children, but not enough to put pressure on me. More distant relatives It seems that I even liked that I am independent and do not ask anyone for help.

I watch too different relationships parents with children to say whether it is good or not. Of course, at my age, I would prefer someone to support me financially and I could take a break from work, but if it didn’t work out, it didn’t work out. Emotionally... I'm probably too rational to suffer too much for not having kids. Not everyone makes mothers.

“I really wanted children, then they let me go”

After graduation, she flew for fourteen years as a flight attendant, worked for several years in different places, and then began to produce factory circulation. We had a closed mailbox, many orders from the military. And in the newspaper I was one in all faces, except for the corrector.

Got married after fourth year , lived together for 11 years, parted and then divorced after another 3 years. I was pregnant before marriage, but it didn't work out. The first abortion was a choice, and then ... one might say, by the force of circumstances - there was no more pregnancies. I think for some psychological reasons I didn't want to breed. Checked: with women's health I was all right.

I really wanted children of 25-30 years old, then let go. X albeit after the divorce, that is, closer to 40 when there was a delay, I thought that I was giving birth. But past.Now sometimes I feel a longing for missing grandchildren. I have never lived the life of a mother and I do not know how it is. But from the point of view of society, a childless aunt is always half a step behind. And so, I had an ordinary life with flashes of regrets about failed motherhood, but not frequent.

“Recently I found out that I am a childfree, and I was very puzzled“

She got married when she was young. I had a wonderful Wedding Dress and the best mother-in-law in the world. And a spectacular husband. The husband was in favor of having a child, when at some point we thought that oops, he made a romantic speech ... But I was very skeptical about this. Fortunately, the alarm turned out to be false. We had sessions, he kicked the bulldozer, I studied like a beast. This did not fit into my plans to finish this university at all (I already took an academician, people like me were called “the same age as Lomonosov”).

Then I got seriously ill, ended up in the hospital for a long time with uncertain prospects, and he jumped off. I was not even very angry: I understood that it was in his character. Then we had a chance to make friends again, to let go of everything to each other. He has already died.

Recently I found out that I am a childfree, and I was very puzzled. I never made the decision to “not have children”. It just wasn't up to it all the time. There was something more important, more necessary, more interesting right now, I didn’t even have time to think about it. Very much vpahila, and inspirational. When the Russian muschchino stubbornly tried to blame me for “purpose and meaning”, I looked at them through binoculars from the height of my salary and did not understand what it was all about. Life was and is too full, the children are just... Well, “buy an elephant! Everyone says - why, but you buy an elephant! for me it was akin to this child's game. A glass of water from the presence of children, as life shows, does not follow at all. It follows from money, real estate, resources for a decent boarding house, where you will not seize the life of your loved ones in spite of your own will, but will happily mumble among your peers, to complete mutual pleasure.

But there is one very important thing.When you live only for yourself, you become deformed, you become an emotional freak. Therefore, it is very important to pay such a tax: with attention, efforts, money. What should someone do. I have three goddaughters who adore me, although I am a creepy gloomy aunt who eats kids for breakfast, I get to do something for them, there is also charity. Well own mother, finally. And dad. God bless them. But this is pure charity on my part. I don't owe them anything, I just really like them as a human being. Although the brain is pecked professionally, both ...

The article was prepared by Lilit Mazikina

Illustration: Shutterstock

"What can I say, every woman dreams of children. Only I seem to have stopped. I spent twelve years getting pregnant from own husband. She lay in various fertility clinics, took various pills and subjected herself to the most terrible procedures - nothing helped.

What I just did not see enough, in these clinics! Young women, beautiful, wealthy, successful in everything - except for one. And everyone considers themselves unhappy because there are no children. Some are treated for years, others divorce their husbands - what if you get lucky with the other? Still others constantly deceive her husband that something is wrong with him, God forbid, she thinks that she is barren. They go through five, six, eight miscarriages in order to become pregnant for the ninth time and lie in storage for all nine months, to finally receive their precious, only child scratched out of the clutches of fate. In the infertility department, we had a joke: "Other women cry when they don't have their period, but we - on the contrary, when we came." And in fact: across the corridor from us - they do not have time to bring in from abortions. Well, why is that, why?

If you think about it - do children bring so much joy to a person? While they are growing, while they are small, while they are bathed and dressed up, and they are like dolls, in bows and curls - yes, there is a lot of joy. But childhood flies by quickly, and now there are sleepless nights when your son stays with friends, and you don’t sleep and listen to the silence outside the window, imagining all sorts of horrors, now your daughter reproaches you for not dressing her well enough, and then goes to someone else’s to the peasant, slamming the door, now the grandchildren have gone, and you are fiddling with diapers and cereals, despite the fact that you are still young and attractive, personal life yours is over. For your health and appearance you have already given up a long time ago, who needs it, all it takes is a hardy and wiry old aunt to carry bags and strollers and talk less.

And what is the answer? Infrequent phone calls on holidays or when you need money, poorly hidden mockery of your old-fashionedness, an on-duty bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates for your birthday. I have seen enough of all this from my friends, studied the subject, so to speak, in full.

“I always dreamed of children. When I was still at school, first-graders and second-graders always followed me with their tail - I was both their teacher and older sister, and an arbiter. She invented games for them, broke up fights, reconciled, took them on campaigns, was the head of the living. corner, played the Snow Maiden. In general, the most popular personality in the school among the kids. I already started running on dates, and the little ones all followed me with their tail. Once, because of this smallness, I quarreled with a guy who I really liked. He was waiting for me at the cinema, and the kids dragged a kitten with a crushed paw to my house - he got hit by a car. Roar in three streams, do not know what to do. Well, as I was in stilettos, I rushed with them to the veterinary clinic. We cured the kitten, and then for two weeks I could not explain to Borka why, instead of a date, I went to a veterinary clinic!

No one was surprised when I became a kindergarten teacher. This is where all my talents blossomed: you know how to sew well - sew clothes for dolls and costumes for the holiday, you know a lot of fairy tales - tell the children, you know how to hammer a nail - fix the closet. Here you have a workshop, and an atelier, and a living corner. I really liked all this. And my children have always been the most developed, the most cheerful, you can’t drive them out of the garden home. Not the most obedient, of course, but if I take offense at them and don’t tell a fairy tale before going to bed, then they walk on tiptoe, their muzzles dejected. Everyone diligently performs - until the first, of course, a brawl. In my heart, I considered myself almost the best kindergarten teacher, and then one day I accidentally overheard a conversation between one of the mothers and the nanny: “She tries so hard because she doesn’t have her own children, it’s necessary to put energy somewhere. say, but a childless woman really cannot love a child - yesterday she kept my Stasik in the corner for half an hour, she has no pity.

I wanted to immediately jump out from behind the door and shout: "Yes, even wall up your Stasik in that corner, he will terrorize the whole group anyway!" But then I realized that this was not the main thing in her words, but something else: I am a childless woman ...

Yes it is. Vasily and I have been married for eight years, but we have no children. We were examined, they explained to us - it is I who cannot have children with him, something in our bodies does not combine. It happens. Friends, of course, immediately with advice: leave your husband or get a lover. I do not want! I love Vasya, I don't need anyone else. And we live well. Why look for the best from the good? We somehow resigned ourselves to the fact that we will not have children. I have enough of this fun at work, Vasya is generally quite indifferent to the little ones.

But here are the words "childless woman" ... After this incident, I began to look at myself - maybe I'm really harsh with children, I solve all their problems and problems too easily, I'm too glad to take a break from them in the evening? After all, mothers do not have such an opportunity - they think about the child day and night, they always live with his worries.

And then another friend gave birth to the second. I went to congratulate, looked at it small miracle how it sleeps eyelashes in half of its cheeks, squeezes tiny fingers into a fist, its lips hung out, as if upset by something ... And it smells so gently in the room - of ironed diapers, women's milk, chamomile, something infantile. And to watch how she breastfeeds is a torment at all - I have not been given such bliss. Lord, why is that? After all, I love children very much, I gave birth to all, no matter what you give me, not like those who go for abortions. But it's better not to think about it. Fate, then, I have such.

And yet ... I look at childless families They have an empty life. A woman and a man have come together and live for their own pleasure. They please themselves. And with children, all life is filled with meaning. And sooner or later childless marriages break apart. I had acquaintances - a feast for the eyes, he carried her in his arms, she could not breathe on him. Everyone envied them. They lived for ten years and separated - he went to a woman with a child, she gave birth to a lover. Here also speak here, what not all children are necessary. I began to look at Vasya with suspicion: when he says that he is indifferent to children, is he comforting me or deceiving himself? He is already under forty, and at this age, they say, a person feels everything differently, he begins to treat children with special tenderness. Suddenly he, too, some with a child will meet?

All these thoughts tormented me. My character began to deteriorate - I yell at the children in the garden, I pout at my husband, I envy my friends.

And here I have a young niece who had an internship in the orphanage. Someone dreams of children, but how many of them are abandoned, unhappy! Ninka sheds tears after every shift. He says - although the state allocates a lot of money for them, but what's the point. All with chronic diseases, one cannot juice, the other is allergic to chocolate. Yes, and steal their staff. Ninka, as she goes to work, will buy thirty-two sweets, not chocolate, so that everyone can be given. The children are waiting for her arrival, they want warmth and attention, because she manages to talk to everyone, pat on the head - at first they shied away, did not understand, and now they themselves are reaching out. “It’s still somehow not so noticeable from the boys that they are from the orphanage,” says the nephew, “but the girls ... all have the same face, they look like boys. It’s immediately clear that they are not home.” How I introduced these girls with short haircuts who don’t even know how to wear dresses, no matter how you dress them up, everything turned upside down in me. I think - why am I so selfish? I grieve that there are no children of my own, but there are so many unfortunate, abandoned ones. At least one to fix life, create normal family- same such happiness. It was decided - we will take the child to raise. He, too, was already tired of living without his parents. And we will have an ordinary family- just like everyone else.

“If you care about your salvation, prove it not with words, but with deeds...” St. John Chrysostom

Today my interlocutors will again be women. I would like to finish the conversation I started on the topic female loneliness. I will no longer dissuade anyone from marriage and scare anyone with “horror stories” from family life. I'll try to give practical advice on the topic "Women and Children". Let me tell you right now: they are not for everyone. I welcome criticism and disagreement. But, perhaps, someone will hear me, try to look at their lives through the prism of reflection on the proposed topic.

1. The life of a woman should be connected with children

This is my first statement, or rather, the thesis dictated by life. With what children? With your relatives? Not at all, just with kids in general. Especially if the woman did not marry, did not become a mother, and she has no children. Every girl needs to think about this from a young age: “What if I don’t have my own children?” But, as a rule, an ordinary young woman does not think about this, just as none of us thinks about which cemetery he will be buried in. It is not customary to talk about the place of our burial, we want to live happily ever after on this earth ... It has been noticed that the hardest of all are those sorrows for which we do not prepare, from which we try in every possible way to distance ourselves. Childlessness is especially hard to experience as an unexpected ordeal that the girl never thought about. For some reason, all women are sure that they will get married, be happy in marriage and, of course, experience the joy of motherhood. But such dreams do not always come true for everyone. There is no guarantee.
difference modern woman from women of the past, in my opinion, is most clearly manifested in relation to children. Children are no longer desired goal, their birth is not perceived as a joy, and the labor of education turns into an inevitable duty. A woman's life is filled with work career, material wealth. At work, among colleagues, many are more interesting than at home, with a child in their arms or in a dressing gown by the stove. There is an obvious displacement from the consciousness of a modern woman of the most important values ​​and concepts that the Gospel speaks of. An indicator of this problem is the type of activity, professions that women choose. Work in a bank or tourism industry, personal business or scientific activity, traveling abroad and even participating in politics is the desire and dream of many modern young women and girls. Such activities are unlikely to bring them inner satisfaction and make them happy. But the desire to live beautifully and richly, to be “stylish and modern”, to have influential friends and many admirers - not everyone will refuse such dreams and temptations ...
It is sad that working with children is becoming unfashionable, and there are fewer and fewer people who want to devote themselves to children every year. Often, picking up children from school, I see the faces of teachers. Most of them are women, and no longer young. And their faces are usually bright and kind, and their speech is smooth and calm. Young teachers are different. They are strict, literate, self-possessed and often very good... But they still do not have that warmth of heart and worldly wisdom that comes with years of work at school and is so necessary for children and their parents... A female teacher will definitely find and reveal herself in her work, Or rather, in service. It is sad to believe in the everyday observation that people who have devoted their lives to raising children have their own children far from ideal. Time spent in school often works in teachers' families against their own children. All the strength and love goes to other children - and only crumbs of attention and minutes of interest remain for their own. Therefore, in our prayers, after the spiritual fathers and parents, we will always commemorate the first teacher and those educators and teachers who helped our life and Christian development. Work school teacher very important and necessary, it reveals the best feminine qualities and virtue. Such a woman becomes softer over the years, more kindness appears in her soul, and then humility. The reason is contact with children and closeness to them. A woman needs it, she was created for this. Children are an area where a woman should be, including a single, unmarried woman. Of course, not only school is a great place for a woman to work. How great it is when a girl wants to be a pediatrician or a nurse in a maternity hospital, an educator in kindergarten, child psychologist or speech therapist. In a word, woman and children, even in professional activity, are inseparable concepts.

2. It’s good for a single woman to be around another family.

For example, a brother or sister. The influence of an aunt on nephews can be the most good and kind. Many people know about this. Extra female hands irreplaceable in big family especially with small children. Help sister housework is different from babysitting or the strict presence of a mother-in-law. But so important is a calm, benevolent climate in the house, silence, the absence of conflicts and loud disputes, often over trifles, because of nonsense. Siblings will always find general theme for conversation, adjust to each other in the same kitchen. Such option is suitable unmarried girl from large family. Usually one of them remains a virgin until the end of his life and lives on the rights native person in a family with nephews. In my mother's family, her own uncle could not marry. According to my wife, Uncle Vasya was a full-fledged educator of his two nephews and two nieces for 20 years. Family life sibling helped him, the man, keep his purity and invest his male powers and pedagogical ability in favorite children. If it helped a man, then, probably, it will help an unmarried woman? Only to live in the family of a brother or sister, you need to have enough patience, humility and diligence. Your presence should be desired by all household members.

3. Adoption of a child

We are talking about the guardianship or adoption of another child by an unmarried woman. Are you immediately outraged and disagree with me? How is it possible to raise and educate a child? full family where there is a man - a breadwinner and a father! Yes, this is the most best situation, there is no dispute. But today we are talking about something else. That normal woman bad without kids. Understanding and feeling this, the childless unmarried women behave differently. I will consider two options for female behavior.

3.1. "Birth for yourself"

Those words immediately give me goosebumps. And you? Hearing about it is unpleasant, and even more so - to see it in life. Unfortunately I watched similar phenomenon repeatedly. "Technically" this is easy to do. As they say, there are more than enough people who want it, especially since some future “would-be mothers” do not even pretend to be helped by a man. The conception of a child often comes from married men, a man is selected according to the criteria of a breeding bull or thoroughbred stallion. His "legitimate" children are taken into account. If they are beautiful and healthy, and their father is not averse to "having fun on the side", then the conception of a child is a matter of time and place. I had to hear about such actions from our believing women. At that time, their conscience was completely stifled, concreted, the concept of sin was completely absent. In the first place was a terrible egoism, which dictated an insane animal desire - "I WANT A CHILD!!!" No convictions are valid at that moment, an appeal to conscience and intimidation by the judgment of God is useless. Everything is darkened by passion and madness. To remind about the Christian calling and the purity of life is like throwing peas against the wall. You are convinced that sin completely takes possession of a person, blinds him and disorients him.
In this sense, the difference in the experience of prodigal sin between a man and a woman is interesting. Fornication for a man is almost a “common” thing, especially on business trips, on vacation, and always “drinking”. After a sin, there is often an awareness of guilt, repentance for it, self-loathing, the “beaten dog and dirty pig” syndrome. At confession, two people are usually surprised at once: a) a man - at the very question when the priest asks him about fornication, for almost everyone is guilty of it, including him; b) a priest, when he finds out that an adult healthy man has retained his purity without sinning with fornication.
Quite different is the repentance of single women who wanted to become pregnant through sin. They can be divided into two types. The first are "harlots-losers." They failed to get pregnant, the goal is not achieved. At confession, they not only name the sin, but also take offense at their lives, and especially at the "barren man." The second type is "lucky". Such people do not just repent of fornication to the priest, but they are the first to tell him about their joy in the future unfortunate motherhood. Once a woman “for herself” became pregnant with twins at once, and I was the first to know about it. And now let's consider another option, where there is no sin, but there is God's blessing.

3.2. Take someone else's baby

Which will soon become his own - the most dear and beloved. But you need to want this, you need to believe in it and start praying about it. Such a prayer reaches God. The main thing is to know and fulfill His will. Our temple has unmarried girls who are tired of waiting and decide to act, with the blessing of the confessor and personal desire. Together we decided that first we need to enroll in special courses for foster parents. Start studying, listen to the advice of doctors and psychologists, communicate more with the parents of adopted children themselves and, of course, intensify your prayer to God. Think and reflect, and most importantly - do not rush. “The will of God is revealed in patience,” our blessed elders used to repeat. You need to make a special daily rule about enlightenment and knowledge of the will of God in this important matter. The course does not obligate you to anything. You can graduate and not take a child - and this will be a normal, honest act. And you can decide, but only with faith, with the desire to warm the child's soul with your warmth, to become for the baby native mother. For God, the most important thing is the mood of the human heart and our participation in the fate of another person, and especially a child. Pure and undefiled piety before God and the Father is to look after (take care of, take care of - author's note) orphans ... in their sorrows (James 1, 27). The practice of adoption is very ancient, including when children were taken by unmarried women. For example, writes about this Reverend Abba Dorotheus in his teachings. True, little girls were taken not only by pious virgins for Christian upbringing, but also by harlot women to learn their satanic craft (for more details, see Abba Dorotheus in the lesson “On not judging your neighbor”). To be honest, the experience of adopting children by single women is very modest, but it still exists. In such cases, the consent of all households is required, and rightly so. A child taken into the family will oblige to take care of himself not only his own new mom but usually her parents. And for older people, raising and raising a baby is not an easy job. In a word, I end my reflections with an open ending, offering everyone who is interested in this topic to make a decision on their own and, most importantly, responsibly. There is probably no unequivocal answer to the question whether to take or not to take a child, and hardly anyone will take the responsibility to say the last word for another. According to your faith, be it to you (Matt. 9:29) ...
Our conversation is coming to an end. My thoughts today were about women who have not known the joys of motherhood. It is not easy for them, they do not lose hope of arranging their personal life, because any woman is destined to be a wife and mother. Women's heart created for love - pure and sacrificial. Best of all, in my opinion, such love is manifested in relation to children. Next to children, any woman reveals her best qualities, feels his demand, finds the application of his abilities and knowledge. And there are a lot of children who need love and help. They are with us and waiting for us. You can’t be discouraged if your personal life doesn’t work out and dreams about female happiness. You can’t give up, but you need to trust in God and act. Learn to love not in word and tongue, but in deed and truth (1 John 3:18). And if a woman learns to love through children, will she not achieve salvation?