Regardless of the reasons, the divorce is an event that leaves an unpleasant trace and can cause depression. It is very important that in this period near the woman were near people who would help her cope with their experiences and emotions.

What should not talk to the girlfriend

Try showing your friend and positive sides divorce. Now she can enjoy own freedom, live in your pleasure and prepare for the meeting with an ideal man. No need to focus on how her husband had got across. Fence to a girlfriend from unnecessary woven and sympathetic words of your common acquaintances or colleagues. Believe me, at such moments, women do not need to hear offended statements and speculation of curious neighbors.

How to prevent depression

A new hobby or hobby helps to cope with depression. Offer a friend to sign up for foreign language courses or to do needlework.

A divorced woman is extremely important to increase their self-esteem, to do this, advise her to change the image a little or just do your appearance. Buy two subscriptions and show personal examplehow important to follow yourself even in such complex situationlike a divorce. Based on preferences and girlfriend's desires, you can choose several options for "therapy":

• Beauty saloon.
• SPA center.
• Pool.
• Fitness club or gym.

Not allowing depression and more radical methods. Invite your girlfriend to go to the long-awaited vacation. Changing the situation, joint travel or a journey to the sea will certainly give new acquaintances and positive emotionsAnd the experiences will gradually forget.

How to help a girlfriend experiencing divorce

Even when the divorce is long-awaited happiness, it often turns out with a huge stress for a woman. Usually, almost or already a former husband tries very hard, but his or her relatives and her relatives help him. There is nothing to say that if a woman has a child, the quality of life of the remaining family falls sharply.

Believe me if your friend is divorced, the likelihood that she needs your help, seeks to a hundred percent. And before helping, it is necessary to define the front of work.

1. The rule of questions to which only "yes" and "no", act here

A woman often cannot formulate accurate requests, because it does not understand where the line is decent, and it is afraid to cross it. When assistance options are offered, you are okay and face. You may also understand what to say "come, let me dishes, she accumulated in a week, I look at her and I feel that I can't cope and even touch her," it's much more difficult to answer the question of a friend " Maybe I will come, I will help you dishes, at the same time I drink tea and chat? " At the time of stress, the woman often becomes more indecisive, she has self-esteem and she is afraid to bother others, even if we are talking about something vital.

2. Do not put your life for help

If a friend - good manShe would not want huge victims with your side. If bad, then you should not. Offer such assistance that does not exist from your life and forces of a big piece. Of course, there are exceptions - if, except for each other, you have no one to rely on anyone. In all other cases, all one or two pursions per week or, if a friend is more like a friend, to suggest the help of it, normally.

3. Very often a woman in divorce must be offered

And this, unfortunately, is not a one-time process. If you agreed to meet and just chat, be ready that you will talk, most likely, about almost or already former. Even if you do not meet in order to chat, you will listen to everything about him. Girlfriend now hardly controls itself. So proceed from your extrovership resources and at the very beginning strictly define (and do not hide from a friend) time regulations: Are you twenty minutes to her or overnight?

4. Almost one hundred percent need help in interaction with the former

Since to erase the traces of his presence in the apartment (collect and throw out socks and discs), because the girlfriend is scary or hard to see these items and touch them. Finishing in order to attend next to the girlfriend at the moments when she has to meet with him. And she has to. After all, it is necessary to pick up or encounter in court. Most of the most nasty and aggressive former are not solved to attack a woman if there is at least one witness nearby. If the former one of those who witnesses do not stop, you can help, lent to escort your husband, brother, friend or responsive two-meter colleague. (And if in you two meters both over two meters and shoulders the regional championship in karate, and there is nothing to say how you can come in handy a woman-tuning).

5. Very often a woman, especially with a child, nowhere to go and nothing

Do not even ask how she decided to divorce in such conditions. Maybe this husband decided. Maybe she hoped for helping relatives, and with relatives everything turned out to be difficult. If none of the girlfriends can not be so easily taken and settle at home / in the storage room / on the antlesol, a woman with children, then you can negotiate a circular "part" system. "Visiga" is when one person lives a few days from another, helping home or with children as a gratitude. It is better to live in turn at the girlfriends, nomadya with sports bag In one hand and child in another, than to return to a dangerous aggressive asshole. At least when women have a choice, they usually choose exactly the "parties". As for the situation, when a woman has a housing, but there is no income, then for a start, you can help with other friends to help with other girlfriends, and somewhere after a half months a month to help find work and addiction to a new chart of life.

6. Yes, she needs help with life

You can be sure. Very often divergent women suffer from clinical depression - optionally because of the divorce process itself, more often due to the fact that he was preceded. A person in depression may not be enough forces for elementary hygienic self-service. So boldly offer assistance from: cooking, washing dishes or sex, disordering cabinets, permutation of furniture and in general by any household process that will come to your head.

7. Help needed with a child

Although many women are difficult to recognize - and it sounds, it seems blasphemous! "But with a child pulls a lot of strength." Perhaps a friend is now simply necessary for someone to walk with her daughter, while she goes to court or shopping, and raised snowflakes with her son while she simply lies and sleep or prepares dinner.

8. Do not give her world to collapse

A woman is very important now from time to time to go out big world Not only for products or any certificate for the court. It is important for her to feel that her life is not spinning from now on exclusively around survival with the child. So if your resources allow you to pull it out to walk in the park, watch movies, sit in the network restaurant, play board games In anticafe. Even if your girlfriend is an introvert, it will still be globally easier for it.

9. Forget for the time of consolations of the format "Do not cry"

If she could, she would not cry. And now she can even be very shameful, but she does not cope with it. On the contrary, let us understand that the moment for the tears is just suitable and then everything will pass.

10. Just be on her side

Against a friend now, most likely: a former husband, relatives, grafted cockroaches about family values The format "let at least a knife cuts, and you need to save the family!" And the cruel world, which is, where it will take money to utility payments and a gun with milk for breakfast. You need her next, even if you do nothing. Truth.

Text: Lilit Mazikina
Photo: shutterstock

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1. First of all, prepare a vest for tears streams. There is a temptation to breathe with a breakdown if a friend is not in a hurry to pour the soul and pretends that she is fine, - but you know that it is not. And the sooner she will say - the faster it takes place.
2. Non-original, but very important point: chocolate.You know everything about him: endorphins and all that. Give poorly a huge chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate.
3. Common Error - Start telling an abandoned girlfriend, how miserable [Insert any derogatory comparison]was her cute. It will give the opposite effect: it will begin to defend him, because she still has a feeling for him, and you will be extreme.
4. Better reminded to her about the causes of parting. So, not criticizing his man directly, you show her that it was not the relationship about which it is worth a sorry.
   • Bad example: "Yes, he is Ham, sludge and did not miss a single skirt, and besides stupid, like a traffic jam!"
   • Good example: "Think - Well, what did you lose? Nopeful reviews about yourself, dirty plates under the bed, betrayed? You are worthy of a man who will appreciate you and with which you will talk about."
5. Put the music of your music for her teenage years - for example, that you were lit on school disco. Or put the old favorite movie. Let it listen or look something that is associated with her at the time when she has not yet met that he cries. It will help her to return to the subsidiary of himself and seek to delete the years of an unsuccessful novel or marriage.
6. Make her go to take a stroll,because your mother was right: fresh air It is beneficial. Just after five minutes of the walk in humans, the mood improves and the self-esteem increases.
7. Go to a completely new place - It doesn't matter where: in a cafe, a picturesque square or a newly opened shopping center, where nothing will remind you by chance about him. Let him feel that you can rejoice and have fun without it.
8. Even better if you manage to arrange a small vacation and wave at sea.They say it - best Doctor on the treatment of broken hearts.
9. It is convulsted to buy something from the clothes in which it looks stunning. She now needs to raise self-esteem.
10. And a little concern about yourself beloved her now oh, how it does not hurt.Sign up for manicure, go together in the spa or do yoga. At the same time compensate damage from eating chocolate.
11. But they will dissuade it from any serious and increasing changes It seems to shake sleeping, make a stupid tattoo in a prominent place or put a ring in the nose. When she comes to himself, he sighs with relief.
12. Try to tear it from social networks and advise you to block the page of the former.Studies have shown that it was obvious: to people who check the updates on the page of those who parted, it takes more time to emotionally recover and move on.
13. Remind her that you love her. And tell me that she will cope: it's just a moment that you need to survive and endure. If you are hard to talk such things personally - write her a short message. But you will kill that you gave her to understand that you are near.

Statistics of divorces depressing and every year everything is rapidly crawling up. There is nothing unusual in this, and each of us is familiar with the couple who survived parting. A true friend I misses the pain of loved ones through yourself. And it does not matter, on whose side it is located. You understand that an abandoned buddy needs your help, but do not know how to offer it delicately?

Friend is not accepted to leave in difficult momentEven if he does not ask for anything. His trouble is displayed on his face. If not to take any participation in the life of a divorced buddy, your relationship will become more cool, and over time will come to no. A person is counting on your help, but it is difficult for him to say about it. Just show a little initiative.

How it looks like

Imagine that you were part of a strong union, which lasted 20 years. Children have grown, and you both decided that you are no longer on the way in this life. The gap can become burdensome in financial and emotional plan. But, in addition, he can make you outcast in the usual social circle. You are no longer invited to friendly events where diluted or lonely divorced. You are forced to communicate with representatives of the opposite sex, like a teenager hiding from his parents. Otherwise, human Solva will relate to you what is really not.

But only good friends Never turn away from you and never disappear from your path. Do you want to always be a friendly shoulder? Then go so yourself. Next we will present several effective waysthat will help the desperate friend to survive a divorce.

1. Invite a friend with children for the city for the night

There is nothing better how to get away from the place where everything reminds of painful parting. The very idea of \u200b\u200bspending the night in a new place is interesting, regardless of what reason you are going to leave. But sometimes the emotional reboot is really necessary. Leaving the city along with children on the weekend, the girlfriend will receive an excellent nanny or a home cook in your face. Unload it from homemade troubles that are so torn all free time. Perhaps such trips will be regularly regular.

2. Visit the buddy and raise him the mood with the help of jokes

If a friend is experiencing difficult difficulties, he can get into himself, close in the room, not to go out and make senseless things. Just look at it, and you will understand everything. Tell him a few entertaining stories And do not let him immerse yourself in darkness. It is impossible to allow this person to live with memories of the past.

3. Hike to a restaurant on Sunday

Girlfriend will never decide on it yourself. Therefore, to bring it to people (even if for this will have to go to the cunning) - your holy duty. On Sundays, lonely people often feel flawed. Leaving somewhere, they look like around happy coupleand become more depressed. Organize a joint trip to the restaurant, especially if a divorced girlfriend with a former husband, Sunday dinners in one of the cozy institutions were a joint tradition.

4. Invite a buddy for breakfast or a cup of coffee

Sometimes a person who is trying to survive divorce is needed empathy. You are not obliged to understand his condition, climb into his head or soul. Just be close and be prepared to listen.

5. Provide girlfriend unloading

If a divorced girlfriend, raising children, is working full time, it may not have time to solve concomitant issues of issues. Why don't you take children to yourself on day? Thus, you can untie your hands. You can also look after your children and her apartment. Of course, if this is necessary.

6. Watch out for children when the girlfriend is planned a romantic date

This item smoothly follows from the previous one. There is no better distraction from sorrows and seals than new relationships. And let the romantic attachment of your girlfriend will not lead to anything serious, it needs a sense of their own female fullness. Little child For nothing to see my mother's love. Remove it again and invite the baby to yourself.

7. carefully honors many years of tradition.

Holidays I. solemn events Very important in our lives, but they lose their value when a person is depressed and is experiencing a divorce. Invitation from friends to another holiday will help your friend to survive not easy period in his life. He should not feel outlaughter. Despite the fact that it is no longer in a pair now, do not break the perennial tradition.

8. Keep the doors of your home by Naraspa

If the dinner is usually invited, then you can come for lunch without invitation. Show your divorced friend an example and visit him into the house as snow on your head. Install confidence in him that he can do the same. The doors of your home are always open to him.

9. Help with home affairs

Usually the divorced man in the apartment reigns full chaos. So it can continue until it finds a new life companion. Yes, and women, with heads who have gone depressed, not far ahead. Unobtrusively offer a friend on the housework so as not to offend him. There is nothing shameful in what you cook for a divorced dinner friend, he really will appreciate it.

10. Speech in the role of Swaha

You know this person not one dozen years old, went with him "Fire, Water and Copper Pipes". Sometimes you think you know more about him than he himself. If you have in mind good girlwhy not introduce them? Actually many happy family couples Found each other on the recommendation of friends.

11. Take the son of a friend of kindergarten or school

Divorced mothers are ready to take for any work, just to raise children on their feet. Perhaps your girlfriend works overtime, but for educators in children's garden Normal work schedule. If you have time, offer your girlfriend your services and take the baby from the kindergarten. Agree that not everyone has loving and always ready to help grandparents.

12. Invite a friend for a date

It's not about romantic date. Sometimes men and women are fine with each other without sexy background. Perhaps you will seem a bit strange to you, but you can go on a date in the threesome. There are so many opportunities to spend time with the benefit: from the campaign to the museum before visiting music concert In the style of the undergrand. The main thing is to coincide your interests.

13. Just call

Even if you are not familiar with the sense of loneliness and never in your life did not worry a divorce, nothing prevents one phone call And ask a friend how things are going. Of course, he will not tell you about all the problems available, but will be sure that there is always between you feedback. In this case, all means are good - and calls, and text messages, and social networks.

14. Do not condemn the new romantic partners.

Even if it seems to you that your friend or girlfriend is too forcing events, do not condemn their choice. We all be mistaken to be mistaken. Therefore, you may be mistaken, and not your divorced buddy. It does not matter at all that his new passion for 20 years is younger. They may be damn well together. Who knows, perhaps this pair does not exist for a long time ... Therefore, you have nothing to worry about.

15. Offer the night for the former husband of a friend

When a former husband of a girlfriend comes from another city to visit their joint children, it is not always appropriate that he remains there for the night. The ideal option It can be your offer to pay an empty living space. So it will be good to everyone, but first of all children.

16. Join a friend in his new passion

Sometimes divorced people behave nontrivially. In order to distract, they find new classes for themselves and are happy to visit the circles of interest. Even if your friend's new hobby seems to you strange, do not raise it. Better join. What if you also like classes in the theater mug?

17. Find good part-time

If a divorced friend is experiencing financial difficulties, you can find it for him additional source Earn money. Thus, he will earn, and he will not have time to rap on fate.

18. Update old traditions

When a person begins life again, he relates well to new traditions. In our case, it will be a well-forgotten old lesson. Remember how in passing students did you meet with classmates in nature, talked about the future, shared expectations and drank cheap wine? Why don't you collect your divorced friends in one place at one time? You can make such meetings regular. Let your friends feel that their lives just begins.

I got married at 20 with a little. Then I could not even imagine that someday I would have to divorce. I was sure that this would not happen to me. The thought of life without my man seemed absurd.

I was going to live with him all my life contrary to any difficulties. A few years later, our dreams changed. If you say short, routine absorbed us, we stopped being a team. In fact, the story is much more complicated, there is a lot of personal.

The ups and downs of our relationship were forever imprinted in my soul. Sometimes it seems to me that we had a million reasons for a divorce, and on other days - that there was not one.

Some said words that not only did not help, but also wounded

After the divorce, I felt very lonely, although I knew - friends and relatives love me. But many of them did not know what to say to console me. Some perfectly supported me, while others did not find words - it looked like a mute condemnation. Some spoke words that not only did not help, but also wounded.

If I had to support a divorced girlfriend, I would show sympathy and delicacy, which I was so lacked at one time. Here is what phrases I would not say:

"What happened?"

I was struck by the number of friends and random acquaintances who asked me this question, having heard about divorce. Let's clarify once and forever. What happened to other people's deepest and close relationships, you do not concern.

Just do not ask this question. If your girlfriend wants to tell you about it, she will do it. It does not matter who is "to blame" divorce, it hurts both partners. Your task is to support a girlfriend, and not pick her wounds.

"How do you?"

It would seem, ask how the person is the case is good. This is a sign that you take care of him. But, unfortunately, this banal question Often puts a divorced girlfriend into a difficult position.

I remember how I thought myself: "If I have an excellent day today, is it worth sharing? Or they will coordinate me because I do not worry because of suffering former husband? " "If I feel relieved after the divorce, can I tell people about it?" "What if today is the worst day in my life? If I start talking about it, it is vying. "

Usually I answered that everything is fine. But I felt that I could be condemned for the fact that I "forgot him" too fast. I remember that was in a terrible condition about a year after the divorce. But I did not want to talk about it so that no one thought that I was "stuck in the past."

It is hard to take the fact that you have invested so many years to the future, which is not destined to come true

From the moment of my divorce, two years have passed, I have a new relationship. However, there are still moments when the pain blinds me. It is hard to take the fact that you have invested so many years to the future, which is not destined to come true.

Divorce is the highest emotional slides in the world, they can roll anyone. So do not ask a girlfriend a blurry question "How are you?", To which it is very difficult to answer honestly.

Better ask: "How are you today?". A small addition transforms difficult question In simple. I can be honest about today. I can let you in your day.

"I need to somehow meet"

The main surprise after the divorce was an excess of free time. I woke up alone, one ran on business, one dinner and one went to bed. Even my inner introvert felt bad.

When I came across old friends, they often offered "somehow" to meet. At first I was happy, but then realized - for this replica is not followed by a real invitation.

Please do not swing the carrot in front of the diluted girlfriend's nose. If you want to spend time with her, ask when it is free, and assign a meeting. If you want her to know - you think about it, so tell me. If she can rely on you in a difficult moment, tell her about it.

No need to talk about joint leisure that you are not going to spend. Divorce and takes all the strength. If you really want to meet - be the initiator of the meeting.

"I do not understand"

This comment found me surprise. My first reaction to it: "Who said you should understand?" I can assure you - it's hardly a girlfriend once in the morning fell out of bed and suddenly decided to divorce. People do not accept such solutions spontaneously.

Most likely, the spouses have kept this question for several months, or even years. Everything is difficult and confusing. You do not need to understand your favorite girlfriend to support her.

"Have you walked to a psychotherapist?"

This question implies - you did not do everything that could prevent divorce. Believe me, I went through everything possible methods. It is unlikely that you offer me an idea, I slam myself on my forehead and say: "And how I didn't think!".

Do not think that I am against psychotherapy. But if a friend is divorced for family psychotherapy already late. Better ask her: "Do you have someone to talk to?". So you will show your care. Do not ask what she did for the sake of saving marriage. Better help her take care of herself now.

Do not give promises that do not complete

Most people want to surround the divorced girlfriends with love and support. If you read this article, most likely you are on right way. Please do not perceive this list as a ban on something to say.

If you ignore the pain of a friend, it will not be easier for it. In addition, the divorce and so causes a sense of isolation. Take an emotional coup that is experiencing a friend. Let her know what to support it as you can. Do not make promises that do not complete.

Here are some sympathizing and supporting phrases that can be used:

• How are you today?
• Do you have someone to talk to?
• How can I help you?
• Want to talk?
• I love you, I'm always with you.

Survive divorce is not easy. Each woman copes with it this in its own way. There is no single set of phrases, which will help everyone.

Remember your own the main task - Love, maintain and be delicate. I am infinitely grateful to people who supported me during a divorce. Become such a person for your girlfriend if you can.

about the author

Landra Beabout - Journalist, more on its website.