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Should I go back to my ex? Why you shouldn't go back to your ex. Is it possible to "enter the same water twice"

Unfortunately, not everyone is lucky to meet their love quickly. Along the way, one has to face the most various representatives strong half humanity, relations with which sooner or later end. And it also happens that for some reason the lovers part, but the feelings do not disappear anywhere. And then the man tries to return his beloved, even if he was the first to announce the breakup. So is it worth returning to the former if once life divorced you ?!


Is it worth going back to an ex-boyfriend?

Something happened that you could not believe, the day came when a loved one left your life. Time has passed, the past is the painful days when you had to deal with the pain of separation, the feelings caused by his betrayal, and the despair that you will never be happy again. And then one fine day he again reminded of himself, wanting to return and, begging, to forgive him. Despite the fact that you tried with all your might to get rid of love, she reminded of herself as soon as you heard his voice or saw after long separation. But the voice of reason, which now sounds much louder than before, requires you to think before making a decision. The pain that was caused by the person you trusted the most left behind fear and bitter experience. And few people can immediately forget what happened, especially if the loved one returned not in a week, but in months or years. The heart yearns for him, but the mind warns, and the fair sex begins to overcome painful doubts: is it worth returning to ex boyfriend, will he leave again, will he not offend, will he not betray. Therefore, before taking final decision let your mind accept the right decision how to deal with such a difficult situation.

No one will answer whether this is true love, whether this will happen again, and whether a woman can forget about what happened and continue to build relationships, as before. The human psyche is so arranged that it is designed to protect him from any situations that destroy health. Therefore, the experience gained is so strong influence when making decisions in similar situations. And a large number of women, after an unsuccessful experience with men, can withdraw into themselves and subconsciously refuse to seek love only because they no longer want to be betrayed. Change in your own way destructive force ranks second after the death of loved ones.

It is very important not to rush, but to understand what you really want and why you are ready to try to renew your relationship with your ex again. Very often this desire is caused not by the remaining love, but by the fact that they did not have time to let go. emotional attachment. And if you make a mistake in assessing what feelings make you return to the former, you can doom yourself to new pain. After all, very rarely people know how to work on themselves and correct themselves. After some time, everything will return to its place, and it is not known whether the man wants to leave again.



Photo: Is it worth returning to the former

Listen not only to your heart. Manifest common sense, do not hurry. If it is difficult to cope with feelings, start the relationship not from the point at which they ended, but from the day they met. In other words, do not rush to move in, live separately, meeting as if you had just met. To avoid repeating past mistakes, change something in the relationship. Probably, during the time of separation, you have already managed to think about what you were wrong about, why the beloved man left you. Change something in your behavior, give him what he lacked. Of course, you don’t need to change dramatically, because he returned to you, realizing that it’s hard for him without you, but changes for the better will not interfere, first of all, for you personally.


If you were the initiator of the gap, then all the more do not give in to guilt when he again knocks on your life. The decision to end a relationship is the hardest for a woman to make. And if it was accepted, then there are good reasons for this. No one is able to guarantee that they have disappeared, and the representative of the stronger sex with whom you broke up has changed in better side. So it’s better not to prolong your suffering, but to survive the gap and move on.

But if you are sure that love has not died and that he is the only one with whom you want to live your whole life and are ready to forget past grievances, like your chosen one, then you have strong will and are able to rebuild your relationship.

Is it worth returning to an ex-man: we sort it out point by point

  • If a man left you without considering your feelings, he can do it again. By giving him another chance, you will demonstrate that you are ready to forgive him. But there is no guarantee that he has reformed and learned a lesson from what happened. Especially if it was done by the husband with whom you lived. long years married. If you don’t feel that you are ready to forget everything, and resentment reminds of itself again, and doubt about his fidelity torments your soul, let him go. Think about yourself, if he leaves again, the pain will be even stronger, because it will be mixed with a feeling of annoyance. You will begin to blame yourself for being rash in allowing him to return.
  • When a relationship ends due to serious disagreements or the feelings that once connected two people have disappeared, there is no point in torturing yourself. Very rarely, after separation, love can return again, not burdened by memories and resentment. Few people are able to forget the past painful experience, because only it protects a person from repeating mistakes. In addition, parting does not help to cope with disagreements that have not been resolved.
  • Never return to the former if he raised his hand to you, humiliated and insulted. A man who does not consider the feelings of the fair sex, allows himself to ridicule everything that she does, constantly tries to hurt and offend, is not worthy of attention. His desire to return is not due to the fact that he realized his mistakes, but because he likes to manipulate people, and enjoys it. He simply cannot find a better victim.
  • Having parted because of infidelity, there is very little chance of re-establishing trust and warm relationship. Of course, if you work on yourself, you can let go of all grievances and start all over again, but this will require a great desire and great power will. Ready to fight for your love, forgive betrayal. No - do not torture yourself, or the children, or him. Constant memories of betrayal, pain and reproaches that you can unwittingly shower your ex-man will turn your life into a continuous torment.
  • A positive answer to the question “Is it worth returning to the former” is possible only if people broke up without mutual insults and reproaches. They do not have a list of claims to a partner, when they see each other, they do not have painful memories, or the separation happened calmly and even unexpectedly. People can part because of a trifle and then suffer all their lives, so in such a situation, when feelings reminded of themselves again, it is better not to resist them. This relationship can be the one you've always dreamed of.
  • If people close to you stand up for your ex who wants you back, listen to them. From the side it is always easier to determine what feelings a person is really experiencing, and whether he is worthy of you. But only if you have people you trust unconditionally. And although female friendship exists, but sometimes a friend may have feelings for your ex and hope you break up. It is unlikely that she will give you reasonable advice. Do not rush to look at everyone with suspicion, but in personal life be guided only by advice from those people who cannot possibly be personally interested in the situation.
  • It’s worth giving a second chance when you really want to make sure once and for all that the relationship has exhausted itself. Otherwise, excessive caution can poison future life. Better take a chance, maybe the return will be a triumph of the love that bound you.

Photo: Is it worth returning to the former

Any parting leaves in the heart pain and misunderstanding why it happened. It doesn't matter if you or your partner made the decision to end the relationship, sometimes old feelings flare up again. And then you face difficult choice- whether to return to the former or continue to build new life. Only you can answer this question yourself. Love has not died out in your heart, and you have not been able to get rid of it, then follow the golden rule: “If there is a desire to do something, it is better to do it and regret than not to do it and suffer for the rest of your life.”

We are all strong in hindsight. How often do we do things and then regret them bitterly. Women are especially prone to this - to be convinced of this, it is enough just to open wardrobe and see how many unnecessary blouses are in it, bought on the first impulse. And how many times have you glued the wallpaper you liked, and then tear it off and paste new ones? But these are all harmless mistakes, but if you broke off the relationship and then regretted it, is it possible (and should you) correct the situation?

It happens to everyone sooner or later - at first you break up, and at that time it seems the only thing right decision. But days, weeks, months pass, and the pain and everything does not subside, and now you are already starting to regret the breakup. But before you pick up the phone and dial the coveted number, think carefully about whether it is worth "stepping on the same rake."

Dual feelings are completely natural.
If your "ex" cheated on you or used violence or aggression in one way or another, then most likely you should hardly regret it. But what if you just "didn't get along"? Or were the circumstances unfavorable? Or was the breakup too sudden and happened under the influence of an unexpected quarrel that broke out? If you suddenly cannot formulate the exact reason for your breakup or think that you were in a hurry to break up, for a start, allow yourself to doubt. At abrupt transition from living with someone to living alone, you will naturally feel sad and lonely. As with any other loss, there must be some period of "mourning" during which you will inevitably grieve. Try until you a period will pass adaptation, not looking back and not questioning your decision to break up.

Remember the reasons for the breakup
Time and distance tend to soften your vision of the situation, so it's so easy, looking back at, to see only positive sides of things. It is also known that many things seem better to us only because they are not ours. But you had some serious arguments in favor of your parting. It's time to remember them in detail. Trust yourself and yours. If at one time your relationship seemed to you not quite good, then maybe they really were like that? Then what makes you think things will change?

It may be worth trying to reunite in some cases, but in reality such a “return to the past” is rarely successful. Why? Breaking up is a very serious and difficult step for both parties. If the breakup happened, then there were good reasons for this. Before thinking about reconciliation, it is necessary to thoroughly understand what these reasons were and whether they can be eliminated. There is one common factor in every failed relationship: the expectations and life needs of one of the partners were not met. These needs are not in vain called vital - it is impossible to exist without them. Why this happened is another question. Perhaps the second partner did not want to satisfy them, or perhaps these needs were overestimated.

Relationships in which both partners have similar needs are usually successful. Relationships in which partners have different needs, but try to satisfy each other's needs, too. In these cases, the reunion of former partners is possible, and the chances of this are high. But relationships in which one or both partners have needs that are unacceptable to the other are doomed to failure sooner or later. For example, if one partner considers marriage as a union of two souls, and warmth, and for the second, being married is only convenient or profitable, then it is unlikely that the first’s need for love will be satisfied for a long time. Or it may be that for a woman the desire to be a mother is the primary need, and the man refuses her this. Such relationships can hardly be corrected after parting, because vital needs are laid in the subconscious even in early childhood and extremely difficult to correct, if at all.

See things realistically
If you can't get your "ex" out of your head, ask yourself why this is happening. Very often we feel that we were in a hurry to leave only because we have not yet met some other man. As you know, "a wedge is knocked out with a wedge." Cannot be resumed failed relationship just for fear of being alone. Do not think that relationships will mend themselves and just because some time has passed. No, everything once returns to normal. And there are chances that you will still meet your happiness, and they are quite large. But if the decision to reunite is still made by you, approach very carefully. Unfortunately, many women, in an effort to make peace faster, begin to do things (natural, however, in their condition) that unconsciously repel their ex-partner even more. So what NOT to do when trying to get your "ex" back?

Do not show him your despair and ardent desire to return everything as it was, no matter how much you would like it. Don't push for pity. This can only worsen the situation so much that the partner starts to simply avoid you. You must present yourself as an independent strong person (and not just demonstrate, but also be it!).
Don't apologize for the breakup, no matter who initiated it, and don't swear that things will be different from now on.
Do not use money, children, or jealousy as blackmail.
Do not appeal to his mind and do not try to prove to him that reunion is the most reasonable way out.

Do not rush time, do not think that your "ex" will throw himself on your neck at the first hint of regret. Starting a reconciliation when you are not quite sure whether you need it is very cruel to your former partner, especially if the separation was very difficult for him. If your "ex" hasn't found another woman yet, tell him about your feelings for him and why you think things could have turned out differently. Perhaps, for a start, it makes sense to stay simple for a while. Or it may turn out that your partner will immediately reject your attempts at reconciliation. Agree with any of his choices. If your “ex” already has another partner, it is best not to interfere in their relationship. Wish them away pure heart good luck. Since he was able to meet new love, you can too!

Is it worth going back to ex-husband and try to build new relationships

If a man has already left you once, without taking care of your feelings, that you will suffer and worry, there is a high probability that he will do it again. A second breakup will hurt even more than the first. Before returning to the former, think several times whether you are ready for this turn of events.

Never return to your ex-husband if he raised his hand to you or allowed himself gross insults. If you broke up because of infidelity, consider whether you can really forgive her. Sometimes women return after infidelity, but they are remembered all their lives. This torments both themselves and their husbands.

If your relatives persuade you to return to your husband, listen to them. From the side the situation looks clearer

Return to your husband and start all over again if you broke up because of mutual reproaches and misunderstanding. In this situation, you can figure it out and dot the i's. The main thing is that love does not fade away.

It is better to return to the former not after a short break, but after a long pause. After a year of separation, emotions will subside and you will be able to soberly assess the situation. During this time, you will definitely be able to realize that you cannot live without this person. As you can see, there is no need to hurry in this matter.

Love After Breakup: Second Attempt

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How to rekindle a relationship

If you still decide to return to your ex-husband, follow certain rules:

  • No need to go back in time and try to repeat the last attempt. You should not make appointments in the same places, remember old quarrels, etc. Relationships should be built according to a new scenario.
  • Be generous, forgive old grievances if you decide to make peace.
  • Both a woman and a man must change something in themselves in order to new novel became successful.

If you constantly break these rules, build new ones. harmonious relationship fail. Old grievances and misunderstandings should always remain in the past.

You can never unequivocally answer whether it is necessary to resume broken relationships. Every situation is different. If the reason for the separation was domestic violence, everything is clear here: you definitely don’t need to return to such a marriage.

A PHOTO Getty Images

ANASTASIA GUROVA, teacher of fine arts and MHC

Some circumstances lead to a break in relations, just because no one breaks up. It can be resentment, disrespect, betrayal, dissimilarity of characters, incompatibility in everyday life and a bunch of other reasons. After a breakup, we may feel bitterness and experience others. negative feelings which subside over time. Memory also begins to forget about exactly why you broke up, quarrels, resentments and negative feelings that you experienced at that moment are forgotten. After a while, we almost do not remember the reasons why we broke up, and we think that now we could turn a blind eye to this.

Sometimes, of course, people return to past relationships, rethinking the old, and are ready to really create, help each other. But in most cases, it turns out that people do not change and the brain has forgotten about your mental suffering and its causes. Therefore, plunging back into the same relationship, we are faced with the same problems and remember why we broke up last time.

ALEXANDER SUMKIN, IT

It is not worth returning only if both do not want to develop, grow and move on, build a new future, work on themselves and relationships. Otherwise, you can give each other a chance.

If the goal of the reunion is “to keep everything as it was before, fun and cool”, don’t expect good

You can't go back to the past. Each new day should bring something new, be a step towards tomorrow. We fall asleep and wake up already different people, therefore, in my opinion, it is stupid to refuse, put an end to a person or say that a return to past relationships is bad. You can't let the past eat you up, hold grudges. Someone says that people do not change, but I will tell you this - changes are possible, but they require work and patience, and everyone knows this.

If I consider a person “promising”, I am ready to give him new chance to make sure that he has drawn conclusions and wants to improve, and not just thrashing with his tongue. However, if the goal of the reunion is “to keep everything as it was before, fun and cool” - don’t expect anything good.

Nastya Pozdnyakova, Peter

Why not?

I came back. And then work began. Titanic. Because everything that caused and causes controversy needs to be disassembled, chewed to dust and conclusions drawn. If partners have a great desire to be together, build the future and develop, it is worth trying. Try hard, long, sincerely. Work. Once again work and try. Or admit that it is easier to give up or this person is not so important to be killed like that. But the main thing is a strong desire.

LARINA TANYA, student

If a partner suited you in sex, but you broke up, it means that you didn’t like him, didn’t fit. And this is not curable. And there's nothing you can do about it.

DESTINATION BUFFALO

Why not?

I returned to the first youthful love. We got together almost three years ago. Emotionally matured, became more responsible, experienced. Our past problems were not particularly remembered. Apparently it just wasn't the right time. So you can only answer for yourself.

From old boards new house not build

SONIA SHELTER

Worth it if you really want it! You never know what it can lead to, suddenly, having given up a new chance, you will miss love?

ALEX SADOVSKII

You can't build a new house out of old boards.

If the relationship was broken, most often this case is unfavorable. If the old relationship is renewed, then the bones are washed in a new way, old grievances are remembered, unresolved issues emerge, and as a result, everything breaks again with even more bang.

EKATERINA SOZONOVA

It's useless. Old grievances, claims, as before, will interfere. Even if you and your partner try to change past negative moments, in the end everything will return to its previous course and you will either break up again or will be with a person out of habit. And what could be worse?

Read the original article on the website of TheQuestion service.

Many people, out of hopelessness in love, often make the dubious decision to return to ex-man or a woman. Many psychologists and just experienced people call this a fatal mistake.

In any case, if you left a person, or, even more so, if he or she left you, then this indicates that something is wrong. However, many make the decision to try to rekindle the relationship, but they don't realize how big their fiasco will be. Returning love is almost impossible.

When to Try Again

The reunion could become real good decision, if:

  • the reason for the breakup was circumstances that did not depend on you. It can be a jealous mother, an annoying job, an illness, or something else;
  • you have a lot of the same goals. It's really good reason try to recreate everything.

When will the reunion gross mistake:

  • the reason for the gap was disappointment or betrayal;
  • You've been in and out a couple of times already. There can be no excuses here. Once - an accident, the second time a mistake, the third time - a typical and blatant stupidity.

It often happens that during the search new second halves it seems that the former or the former were better in everything. This is your brain playing games with you, trying to get back into your comfort zone. Nobody likes to do something for their own happiness. Everyone wants everything at once. Don't let this imaginary simplicity intoxicate you.

Why you can't go back to your ex

Reason one: you show your weakness. Yes, sometimes it can work, but if the person you loved or love begins to show increased interest in you immediately after the breakup, then this means that they are trying to manipulate you. You show that you are really weak, that you need love. If you broke up on a not very pleasant note, then a person can take advantage of this to take revenge on you. It's like you're taking all of your protective layer armor, exposing their weak spots. This is a game of Russian roulette, because whoever you want to go back to can really annoy you.

Reason two: you are not made for each other. You already proved it by breaking up. Stop playing with fate, because you won’t be able to win in this game anyway. You just need to understand that you have already passed this stage, you need another way to happiness.

Reason three: you are moving away from a brighter future. The thing is, you lock yourself in a cage. Even if it's just physical connection, regular sex, then there is nothing worse than such a relationship that has gone into a corner. If the probability that by chance "get" a child. It will be a complete nightmare for both of you and for the baby who will not have loving parents.

Reason Four: You are slowing down your development. new acquaintances and constant search help people cheer up, expand the boundaries of consciousness. It is not necessary to spend a lot of time and effort on this, because you can search for a soul mate on the Internet on specialized sites or in in social networks. You just need to properly format your page.

Reason Five: He or she will not change. Of course, people tend to change their priorities and even many character traits. But it doesn't happen in a year or two. This sometimes takes decades. We often dream that when we return, we will find a new person who will be better in everything, but no - this is not so.

Don't even think that simple friendship with an ex can lead you to happiness. There is still no trust in such a relationship, and it is no longer worth hoping for love. Many are friends after a breakup, but this is superfluous. Psychologists say that such friendship is a kind of deviation in behavior. This does not mean that you need to live in a war and not say hello on the street, no. You just don't need to pretend that everything is fine, because it is by no means the case.