Why are children greedy? Children are different, or parents about children's temperament

19.04.2019

Finally, the snow has melted and the kids can dig in the sand again. Due to the warm weather, the number of mothers with children on the playground has increased markedly. After observing the behavior of mothers, it suddenly dawned on me that all mothers are actually so different. And this difference is determined not by age and social position but rather temperament and character traits. And perhaps the program of education, which is laid down in us by our parents.

Look, one of the mothers constantly holds her daughter by the hand or by the scarf and does not give her the opportunity to run at all. She collects molds for her, picks them up when she falls. But the child will soon be 3 years old! This is a pronounced mother - hen. Her daughter is an ideal, at first glance, child: she doesn’t take away other people’s toys, lets her play with hers, doesn’t fight or push. But she is so too lack of initiative, or something ... She does not have her own point of view, she does everything as her mother says.

The other mother is the exact opposite of the first: she takes the child to the playground and immediately - on the phone or with other mothers, chats non-stop and all about her beloved. She pays attention to her daughter only when she falls off the swing and cries or older boys take away her toy. Then he will come, regret, but she herself does not tear herself away from the conversation. This is a typical mother - cuckoo, whose child is always - either in the kindergarten, or with her grandmother. Her daughter is already closed, "in herself", speaks the worst of all, rarely smiles and always gives up her toys to other children who are more active and bolder.

The third mom is easy Princess Nesmeyana some. She constantly reads morality to her son: you can’t do this, but you can do it this way. Never smile at a child, never caress. He says that he is afraid to spoil him: “I will spoil him now, and then he will sit on his neck!”. Her son does not run, does not indulge, "quieter than water, lower than grass." But he is somehow unfriendly to other children, does not laugh at all, only occasionally smiles, and his eyes are sad, sad ...

Arriving home after a walk, I thought: “What type of mother am I?”. I rummaged through the Internet, and it turned out that I, it turns out, mom is an investigator. Being naturally energetic and inquisitive, I constantly try to control everyone and everything (this happens unconsciously): myself, my husband, parents, brother, and now I have taken up my daughter. I have an inner need to know everything about my child in order to prevent a negative situation. I live by the principle: "It is better to overdo it than not do it." Knowing about this "fad" of mine, I try not to invade the child's personal space and not suppress my daughter's independence. Honestly, she has such a character that she herself will not let me suppress herself!

As it turned out, psychologists distinguish three more psychological type mom:

Mothers - Baba Yaga- those who achieve obedience by intimidation: "If you do not go to bed, then Babai will take you!". In general, such a mother has her own negative character of Russian fairy tales in store for every occasion. As a rule, these children begin to develop different kind fears, which can then result in neurological diseases (stuttering, tick, enuresis).

Moms - Snow Queens , arrogant and ambitious, who make too high demands on their children, so they do not see their talents. Frustrated, they coldly communicate with their children, not trying to penetrate their little world.

Moms - Sleeping Beauties- these are narcissistic dreamers who believe that life, diapers, checking lessons are not their royal business. That's what grandmothers and nannies are for. And their role is to shine in society.

It seems to me that all of us, mothers, would do well to understand what type we are. In order to identify our weak sides, our “fads” and “fix ideas” and become better. After all, the most important thing for a child at all times is an unconditional mother's love, free from public stamps.

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All children are very different: “chuckles” and “sobs”, “hurricanes” and “stopping time”. Even twins from birth can behave differently, although they have the same genes and are raised in the same family.

The reason for this phenomenon is different TEMPERAMENT, such a personality characteristic that determines the strength and speed of children's reactions to life events, degree external manifestations emotionality of a small person. Temperament, like eye color, is given to us from birth, we inherit its traits from our parents. It is based on properties nervous system, which means that this feature is not subject to cardinal restructuring.

For parents, this is a signal that temperament cannot be brought up and certainly cannot be changed to “more comfortable”. The task of the parent is to learn to “cooperate” with the temperament of the child, and most importantly, to teach this to their baby at an early age. For what? To turn the weak sides of temperament into a continuation of the virtues of the emerging personality, and make the strong ones a strong support in life.

In life temperament pure form(i.e. when the child is fully characterized by traits of only one type) is rare. More often, we observe a mixture of features and, accordingly, the formation of intermediate types. But even in this case, the most striking features will still be perceptible. It is on them that you should pay attention when choosing a strategy. effective interaction with baby.

Determining your child's temperament type

SANGUINE CHILD is friendly, outgoing and cheerful child. He is accommodating and reasonable, open and talkative. Loves EVERYTHING NEW: faces, places, impressions. Willingly compromise. He is not afraid of difficulties and easily experiences failures. Adapts well to unfamiliar surroundings. Curious, easily learns new information. Quickly switches from one task to another, able to perform several tasks at the same time. He is active, mobile, impulsive, loves noisy games. But if he is bored, then he immediately becomes lethargic. He reacts calmly to punishments, is completely forgiving and non-conflict, so it is difficult to quarrel with him. But the flip side of the "sunny" nature is this: a sanguine person is comfortable only if everyone likes him.

How to properly raise a SANGUINE CHILD

The basic principle is "TRUST, BUT VERIFY". A cute sanguine person always promises, BUT far from always fulfilling the promise, so be sure to check whether he kept his promise.
Pay Special attention on the quality of activities, do not allow superficial performance of tasks.
Learn to finish what you start.
Praise only deservedly, because. sanguine is prone to arrogance.
Form stable attachments, interests.
Communicate with your child cheerfully, with humor, in a spirit of lightness, because this style of interaction is closest to him.
Remember that the cheerfulness, sociability and optimism of a sanguine person can turn into the other side of the coin and become a source of frivolity and inconstancy.

CHOLERIC CHILD often brings parents endless trouble. "Rest only in our dreams!" - say the parents of such children. Choleric is restless, playful, he is noisy, unrestrained, fussy, naughty, quick-tempered, pugnacious. This is a restless mischievous and bully, constantly making scandals and quarrels. He likes active noisy games and new experiences, willingly takes risks. Choleric speech is jerky, fast, with swallowing individual words, but very expressive and emotional. The movements are swift, sharp, energetic. Mood is unstable minor reasons. He learns new information quickly, but after a few minutes it flies out of his head. He does not know how to wait and suppress his desires. Inattentive. He lacks judgment and the ability to count on his abilities. By nature, a commander, he easily adapts to an unusual environment, but because of his quick temper, he constantly conflicts with his peers, although he cannot live without them. He is inclined to play in public, constantly needs spectators, from whom he expects approval. And therefore will never cry and act up alone. Difficulty falling asleep (from sleep distracted by the impressions of the day).

How to properly raise a CHOLERIC CHILD

The main principle is “NOT A MINUTE OF REST”: support and direct the boiling energy of the child to useful things.
Painfully teach your child to complete the work begun.
Control the violent manifestations of the child, calm games help in this, choice interesting hobby, sports.
Try to protect the baby from what obviously overexcites his nervous system.
Due to hypersensitivity, handle the child gently.
Choleric responds better to a calm, tactful demand, rather than persuasion.
Purposefully cultivate perseverance.
Teach constructive ways of expressing aggression, the ability to control yourself.
Remember that it is very important for a choleric child to know that his opinion is being listened to.

Child-MELANCHOLIC This is a soft and obedient baby. He is shy, timid and very touchy, and indecision is one of the main properties of his nature. Gets upset about every little thing, and this emotional instability is by no means a whim. Cause hypersensitivity- in the features of the functioning of the nervous system. afraid of everything, especially strangers and new surroundings. He is afraid of changing places and changing the way of life. Often closes in on itself. When communicating, he tends to be in the shadows, has little initiative, conflict situations is lost. He tends to dwell on failures, reacts painfully to negative assessments, and punishment is perceived as a real tragedy. Suspicious, often worried over trifles. Great importance gives to the little things. Knowledge is given to him with difficulty, due to insufficient attention activity, the baby is constantly distracted by foreign objects and can't focus on the essentials. Any activity, including a game, is a job for him, from which he quickly gets tired. Difficulty moving from one activity to another. The mood is changeable, the movements are constrained and often fussy. The speech is quiet, but intonationally expressive. She gets ready for bed for a long time, falls asleep badly and wakes up with difficulty.

How to properly raise a MELANCHOLIC CHILD

The basic principle is "DO NO HARM". Caress, gentleness, tact - that's what he needs.
Consider the vulnerability of the child's psyche - do not shout and do not put pressure on him, express your dissatisfaction in an even, confident voice.
Praise more often and do not skimp on the manifestation sincere words. Know that this child has a special intuition, and it is vital for him to feel that he is loved.
Encourage him even for minor successes and achievements.
Do not miss the opportunity to show your vulnerable child that you really appreciate the slightest manifestation of his care.
Never make remarks to your child in public, do not call him names - this provokes the development of serious complexes.
Reach out more often tactile contact: touch, stroke it.
Remember about fatigue due to weakness of nervous processes - do not overload it with developmental tasks, long games or trips, in the process of doing homework pause.
Try to avoid any competitive situations.
Avoid orders in communication with the child, tk. they only slow it down.
Develop independence by giving your child feasible tasks.
Sightly develop activity, sociability, courage, initiative.
Do not scare or bully your child. Horror stories, disturbing films and programs are not for your baby.
Help to get rid of fear in a timely manner, for this, discuss his feelings with the child. Never make fun of your fears.

Phlegmatic child in stubbornness he surpasses everyone, and at home he is lovingly called a cop. He is always calm and calm. Next to this baby in no hurry, it seems that time has stopped or it simply does not exist. He has a slow but strong response, slow but strong memorization. Feelings are even, constant and deep. He does everything in detail, overcoming all obstacles to achieve the goal. He does not change his decisions, and if they need to be defended, then he will show maximum stubbornness. He is very devoted to his family and friends. Peace-loving beyond his age, he avoids fighting whenever possible, preferring not to take risks. His speech is unhurried, expressive, but without numerous gestures and bright facial expressions. He falls asleep quickly, but it’s not easy to wake him up: the baby is naughty, whines, and after sleep he walks sleepy, lethargic, as if he didn’t get enough sleep. Does not like change, very slowly gets used to the new environment and long time adapts to children's team. Due to the low speed of the course of nervous processes, it takes him a long time to assimilate new information. But once the knowledge gained is firmly fixed in his memory. All age-related skills are also formed with difficulty and for a very long time, but for a long time. Phlegmatic is almost impossible to retrain!

How to properly raise a phlegmatic child

The main principle is "DO NOT Rush". Remember that this kid cannot work in conditions of time pressure, he needs an individual pace, he cannot be adjusted, he will calculate his time and do the job. Do not demand high speeds from your child.
Teach your child to manage time rationally.
Do not put pressure on him, because. under pressure from adults, he only becomes more clumsy and passive.
Don't call your child scumbags, etc., especially in front of other people.
Remember that phlegmatic children really need approval.
Develop interest in movements, for this, play games with him where speed of movement, accuracy, dexterity are needed, and encourage him when he follows the rules of the game.
Gradually develop the ability to quickly switch from one activity to another. Learn to switch attention when performing various assignments.
Encourage your child to take the initiative.
Teach your child to express his emotions and feelings more fully: if he is sad, do not forbid crying, if he is happy, let him rejoice in full force etc.
Involve your child in joint activities.
Purposefully develop your child's communication skills.

Svetlana Shustova, clinical psychologist, consultant psychologist

Many parents wonder: “Why is my child so greedy?”. Unfortunately, this unpleasant character trait is manifested in many children, and parents should make every effort to raise a kind, open and generous person. IN childhood this trait is fickle, it is not innate and not inherent in nature little man. Greed appears on its own for some reason, and sometimes adults simply confuse it with other manifestations of childish nature.

The attention of children is attracted by everything bright and funny, and they are willingly drawn to it. If one of the guys has a bright new toy, he is unlikely to share it. And if a peer has a toy, then the child will try to take possession of it in any way. The described situation is far from being a manifestation of greed, because It is not easy for a child at this age to give away what he himself likes so much. yield to similar situations the baby begins, having overcome the three-year milestone, when he develops the ability to build relationships with other children.

People to whom the little "greedy" is hostile, distrustful and wary, often become victims of his greed. It can be not only strangers, but also family members. The reason for greed can be Bad mood in a child, in this state, he is not at all disposed to keep up appearances.

A toy for a child 2-4 years old can be purchased great value, because the favorite subject is completely connected in the baby with the self-image. Because during this period of his development, his own “I” begins to form, and the toy becomes a component of his personality. This psychological feature adults may take for greed. Parents need to understand that by showing such a reaction, the child wants to protect himself and preserve the boundaries of his possessions.

It is not enough just to explain to your offspring that you need to be generous. After all, the norms of morality presented by you for a young child are an empty phrase. It is necessary, every day, to demonstrate everything you say by your own example. Say, mom always shares a piece of cake with her neighbors or gives her neighbor her blender for a while, the older brother will let her draw with her pencils and felt-tip pens, dad, having bought a new home theater TV that is no longer needed, will give it to grandfather in the village, and not hide it in the attic. In this case, the baby does not need extra words, he will see and understand how to behave correctly. And after a while, you will be proud to watch your child share his new construction set in the sandbox or feed a homeless kitten his favorite treat.

Advice for parents

« Children are different, or Parents about childish temperament »

Plan

1. Do all children behave the same when they enter kindergarten?

Some come to the group confidently, carefully examine the surroundings, choose what to do with them, and begin to play. Others observe the teacher and perform the actions proposed by him. Still others show negativism towards the educator, reject all offers, are afraid not only to leave, but also to move away from their mother, cry a lot and loudly.

What explains this different behavior children?

The reasons can be different: the absence in the family of a regime that coincides with the regime of a children's institution, the level of self-service skills, the presence of negative habits (sucking a pacifier, motion sickness when laying down), inability to occupy oneself with a toy; lack of formation of the necessary cultural and hygienic skills, etc. However, the main and main reason is the child's lack of experience in communicating with adults and children. Acquaintance with new people, establishing contact with them is very difficult for such children. The narrower the social circle was before entering the children's institution the longer they form a relationship with the educator.

2. Children are different, or Parents about children's temperament

The reason for this phenomenon is a different TEMPERAMENT, such a personality characteristic that determines the strength and speed of children's reactions to life events, the degree of external manifestations of the emotionality of a small personality. Temperament, like eye color, is given to us from birth, we inherit its traits from our parents. It is based on the properties of the nervous system, which means that this feature is not subject to a cardinal restructuring.

3. Determine the type of temperament of your child

SANGUINE CHILDis a friendly, sociable and cheerful child. He is accommodating and reasonable, open and talkative. Loves EVERYTHING NEW: faces, places, impressions. Willingly compromise. He is not afraid of difficulties and easily experiences failures. Adapts well to unfamiliar surroundings. Curious, easily learns new information. Quickly switches from one task to another, able to perform several tasks at the same time. He is active, mobile, impulsive, loves noisy games. But if he is bored, then he immediately becomes lethargic. He reacts calmly to punishments, is completely forgiving and non-conflict, so it is difficult to quarrel with him. But the flip side of the "sunny" nature is this: a sanguine person is comfortable only if everyone likes him.

How to properly raise a SANGUINE CHILD

The basic principle is "TRUST, BUT VERIFY". A cute sanguine person always promises, BUT far from always fulfilling the promise, so be sure to check whether he kept his promise.

Pay special attention to the quality of activities, do not allow superficial performance of tasks.

Learn to finish what you start.

Praise only deservedly, because. sanguine is prone to arrogance.

Form stable attachments, interests.

Communicate with your child cheerfully, with humor, in a spirit of lightness, because this style of interaction is closest to him.

CHOLERIC CHILDoften brings parents endless trouble. "Rest only in our dreams!" - say the parents of such children. Choleric is restless, playful, he is noisy, unrestrained, fussy, naughty, quick-tempered, pugnacious. This is a restless mischievous and bully, constantly making scandals and quarrels. He likes active noisy games and new experiences, willingly takes risks. The speech of the choleric is jerky, fast, with the swallowing of individual words, but very expressive and emotional. The movements are swift, sharp, energetic. The mood is unstable, changes for minor reasons. He learns new information quickly, but after a few minutes it flies out of his head. He does not know how to wait and suppress his desires. Inattentive. He lacks judgment and the ability to count on his abilities. By nature, a commander, he easily adapts to an unusual environment, but because of his quick temper, he constantly conflicts with his peers, although he cannot live without them. He is inclined to play in public, constantly needs spectators, from whom he expects approval. And therefore will never cry and act up alone. Difficulty falling asleep (from sleep distracted by the impressions of the day).

How to properly raise a CHOLERIC CHILD

The main principle is “NOT A MINUTE OF REST”: support and direct the boiling energy of the child to useful things. 2

Painfully teach your child to complete the work begun.

Control the violent manifestations of the child, this helps calm games, the choice of an interesting hobby, playing sports.

Due to hypersensitivity, handle the child gently.

Choleric responds better to a calm, tactful demand, rather than persuasion.

Purposefully cultivate perseverance.

Teach constructive ways of expressing aggression, the ability to control yourself.

Remember that it is very important for a choleric child to know that his opinion is being listened to.

Child-MELANCHOLICThis is a soft and obedient baby. He is shy, timid and very touchy, and indecision is one of the main properties of his nature. Gets upset about every little thing, and this emotional instability is by no means a whim. The reason for the increased sensitivity is in the features of the functioning of the nervous system. He is afraid of everything, especially strangers and new surroundings. He is afraid of changing places and changing the way of life. Often closes in on itself. When communicating, he tends to be in the shadows, has little initiative, and is lost in conflict situations. He tends to dwell on failures, reacts painfully to negative assessments, and punishment is perceived as a real tragedy. Suspicious, often worried over trifles. Any activity, including a game, is a job for him, from which he quickly gets tired. Difficulty moving from one activity to another. The mood is changeable, the movements are constrained and often fussy. The speech is quiet, but intonationally expressive. She gets ready for bed for a long time, falls asleep badly and wakes up with difficulty.

How to properly raise a MELANCHOLIC CHILD

The basic principle is "DO NO HARM". Caress, gentleness, tact - that's what he needs.

Consider the vulnerability of the child's psyche - do not shout and do not put pressure on him, express your dissatisfaction in an even, confident voice.

Praise more often and do not skimp on the manifestation of sincere words. Know that this child has a special intuition, and it is vital for him to feel that he is loved.

Encourage him even for minor successes and achievements.

Do not miss the opportunity to show your vulnerable child that you really appreciate the slightest manifestation of his care.

Never make remarks to your child in public, do not call him names - this provokes the development of serious complexes.

More often resort to tactile contact: touch, stroke it.

Remember about fatigue due to weakness of nervous processes - do not overload it with developmental tasks, long games or trips, pause during homework.

Try to avoid any competitive situations.

Develop independence by giving your child feasible tasks.

Phlegmatic childin stubbornness he surpasses everyone, and at home he is lovingly called a cop. He is always calm and calm. Next to this baby in no hurry, it seems that time has stopped or it simply does not exist. He has a slow but strong response, slow but strong memorization. Feelings are even, constant and deep. He does everything in detail, overcoming all obstacles to achieve the goal. He does not change his decisions, and if they need to be defended, then he will show maximum stubbornness. He is very devoted to his family and friends. Peace-loving beyond his age, he avoids fighting whenever possible, preferring not to take risks. His speech is unhurried, expressive, but without numerous gestures and bright facial expressions. He falls asleep quickly, but it’s not easy to wake him up: the baby is naughty, whines, and after sleep he walks sleepy, lethargic, as if he didn’t get enough sleep. He does not like changes, very slowly gets used to the new environment and adapts to the children's team for a long time.

How to properly raise a phlegmatic child

The main principle is "DO NOT Rush". Remember that this kid cannot work in conditions of time pressure, he needs an individual pace, he cannot be adjusted, he will calculate his time and do the job. Do not demand high speeds from your child.
Teach your child to manage time rationally.

Do not put pressure on him, because. under pressure from adults, he only becomes more clumsy and passive.

Develop interest in movements, for this, play games with him where speed of movement, accuracy, dexterity are needed, and encourage him when he follows the rules of the game.

Gradually develop the ability to quickly switch from one activity to another. Learn to switch attention when performing various assignments.

Encourage your child to take the initiative.

Why do they depend individual characteristics children? This is important to understand! Much, of course, decides education. A child is not born kind or greedy, obedient or capricious, independent or inept. These features develop gradually, under the influence of living conditions and upbringing. The health status of the child is also important. If the baby is weakened, gets sick a lot, he can become lethargic, irritable, moody.

In our common interests to ensure that the child copes with the difficulties of getting used to the new environment at the level of easy adaptation and in every possible way to prevent and prevent the manifestation of severe adaptation!

Literature:

1. Adaptation of children early age To terms and conditions: Practical guide/ Aut. - comp. Belkina L.V. - Voronezh "Teacher", 2004

2. Do we educate the baby correctly: A guide for the educator / Ed. Ostrovskoy L. F. - M .: Education, 1979

Municipal budgetary preschool educational institution

« Kindergarten combined type No. 53 "

Engelssky district of the Saratov region

Advice for parents

caregiver

Vlasova Tatyana Anatolyevna

Do you agree that obedient child is not independent? - Do not rush to agree with this - this is not at all the case.
Look, there are as many as four options, look:

1. There are obedient children, but they are not able to do anything without the instructions of their parents.

2. There are naughty and completely independent children, such little savages who choose for themselves how they do what and from whom they learn what.
For example - Dunno, Huckleberry Finn - do you like it?

3. There are children who are naughty and dependent: they can’t do anything without their parents, but they don’t listen to their parents: they are often said to be “difficult” - they are stubborn and capricious.

4. And there are children who treat their parents with great respect, obedient children - and at the same time strong and independent personalities.
Such was, for example, Napoleon Bonaparte: yes, stubborn and impudent, he did not obey his weak-willed father, but his mother Letizia, a strict woman, taught him from childhood to a strict order.

Smart independence of children is a continuation of obedience instilled by wise parents. Both obedience and independence have a common basis - the ability to do what is said: it is said to oneself or said to one's parents. This skill is not simple, it includes the ability not to be distracted, to keep the direction and be effective in this direction, which in turn implies a certain experience.

If a child does not know how to tie shoelaces, how can he obediently begin to tie them? But it is obedience that makes it possible, following the instructions of the parents, to acquire the necessary experience. If a child starts tying shoelaces not at random, not as he pleases, but as his parents showed and explained, he will quickly learn this skill and will soon be able to do it completely on his own.

Independence does not begin at the moment of removal of control and granting complete freedom action is the final step. Independence begins with a qualitative preparation for this freedom, namely, with the passage of a period of obedience, which contributes to the accumulation of productive experience, with the development of the ability to set goals, to select ways to achieve them!

Do you want your children to be independent? Create conditions for the accumulation of experience in your children, create conditions for joint adoption decisions and slowly give up control by delegating new powers to them in the mastered area!

But this is only the first stage.
From obedience grows only the possibility of independence.

Will an obedient child become independent,
depends largely on the parents, on their attitudes.

If parents only need a child who is comfortable, they, having accustomed him to obedience, will dampen his independence. If parents want to see their child free, thinking and creative personality, then, having accustomed him to obedience, it is through obedience that they will direct him to bold, free and responsible decisions.

If you give your child freedom ahead of time, he may well use it to whine and huddle with his mother.

It is not true that all children always want freedom and independence. Many children are cowardly, and without the direction of their parents, they are not very inclined to show independence. It can be advantageous for children to be stupid, it is advantageous for children to be nerds, it is advantageous to be sick ... - but if next to a child wise parents, then they will grow in the right side. Because the child is obedient, and the parents are wise.

The ability to obey is the basis of smart independence

And how is obedience (discipline) combined with the ability to think creatively and independently?

Perfectly combined, if such a task was set. The order is as follows: if the parents said, the child must first of all do this, and not discuss it. After that, if the child has questions or disagreement, he can and should discuss this with his parents so that there is maximum mutual understanding. And, perhaps, by joint efforts it will be possible to find a more acceptable, joyful and cheerful form for the future.

Will an obedient child become independent, depends largely on the parents, on their attitudes.

The ability to obey is the basis of smart independence

Will an obedient child become independent,
depends largely on the parents, on their attitudes.