What husbands want from their wives. Separate homework and parenting. As a rule, marriages either very early or late break up more often. Probably everyone understands why this happens to young families. It is clear that due to lack of experience
I would like to start the article with the words of the famous Argentine psychotherapist Jorge Bucay, the author of popular publications on the psychology of relationships:
“I want you to listen to me, but not judge.
I want you to speak out without giving me advice until I ask.
I want you to trust me without asking anything.
I want you to be my support without trying to decide for me.
I want you to take care of me, but not like a mother to your son.
I want you to look at me without trying to get anything out of me.
I want you to hug me, but not choke me.
I want you to cheer me up, but not lie.
I want you to support me in the conversation, but not answer for me.
I want you to be closer, but leave me some space.
I want you to know about my unattractive features, accept them and not try to change them.
I want you to know that you can count on me ... No limits. "
Many wives think that their husbands only need sex from them, as well as comfort and cleanliness in the house. Of course living with a man for a long time under one roof, this is very similar to the truth, but believe me, after doing a lot of research and surveys, this is not the most important thing that makes a man stay with you!
It turns out that it is very important for a man that his woman follow him according to his rules of life, into his religion and into his culture. A man always expects a woman to accept his ideas, his activities and internal approval. In other words, a woman should merge into his existing life without changing its direction.
A man wants his wife to remain as she was at the very beginning, when your relationship was just beginning to develop. But women want men to change only in better side... The secret is that a man wants to change only after his woman accepts him for who he is!
Another very important point for men: they love when a woman knows how to relax and enjoy the simple little things of life, for example, enjoy seeing an unusual cloud, play hide and seek with children, eat tasty dish... As the Chinese sages say: “ Main work women - to have pleasure, because only in a state of satisfaction is a woman able to create. "
According to men, here are ten main virtues of an ideal wife:
- She should always be cheerful and live her own life. Every woman should have own style and character, making time for family and friends, love to travel and enjoy the joys of life.
- She must be best friend for husband : notice important points in his life, laugh at his jokes, let him shine in companies and compliment him.
- The wife does not have to make important decisions herself. , this is the prerogative of the husband - the head of the family.
- She should NOT restrict her husband's freedom , men DO NOT tolerate pressure and DO NOT like to give reports on their actions.
- She should always be attractive and sexy. , but no frills. Men love to be proud of their women.
- She must always be ready for sex. ... Sex plays important role in a man's life, and if they do not receive enough attention in the family, they go "to the side".
- She should have life principles ... Men respect women who value family and family values.
- She should always be attentive, take care of her man showing love for him. Men, like little children, need constant care.
- She should always be proud of her man. , regardless of situations. The wife is the main support of the husband!
- She must be able to truly love , without deception and self-sacrifice.
So what do husbands want from their wives? Attention, love and understanding! A woman is a continuation of her man, she will always forgive and understand him as she understands herself.
The question "" is of great interest to the fair sex. Let's talk about what does a man want to see a woman
Information on this topic has already been partially described in the article "". And in this article I will continue to write about male views on what a woman should be.
Houses
Any man wants to be met at home by his beloved woman. How should she look? Washed-combed-tinted. None of the men wants his woman to meet him disheveled and unwashed. You should also be wearing normal clothes, not a filthy faded robe. When you meet him “at the parade,” he immediately gets the impression that you were waiting for him. You will well support this impression with sincere joy when you meet. Try to make the man always see you beautiful. By doing this, you will focus his attention on yourself, and not on other women.
The man also wants his woman to take care of him. If you take care of your man, then he will always strive to go home to his beloved and caring woman.
Away
Any man is genetically ready to compete with other men. Including his image of a man who has a soul mate. Therefore, if you go to visit with him, or guests are invited to you, he will certainly compete with other men in the nomination "whose woman is better." And if he thinks you are the best, then this is his indisputable victory! How to become the best woman among all? I will repeat about makeup-hairstyle. Take the beautiful one here. elegant outfit(about 95% of men love women in dresses and skirts, and only 5% in trousers and jeans). Don't forget about well-groomed hands... But this is only part of the success. The second part is that you have to be sweet and cheerful. In no case do not arrange any public showdown. Don't flirt with other men. Don't be vulgar. Don't be harsh and angry. Don't be nervous.
Alone
It is very important that a woman be like-minded with her man. Any person, including a man, wants to be surrounded by like-minded people. Show a sincere, genuine interest in his affairs, and he will be grateful to you, even if outwardly everything looks so that he “does not want to burden you with his problems” and so on. Believe me, a man is all the same, glad of your care! In this case, do not go into details, limiting yourself to a question and the received monosyllabic answer. It is also very important to separate your man's hobbies and hobbies. Or at least not to consider them as something unnecessary or useless, but to treat them with respect. If you always support your man, even if he is wrong, then you will be simply priceless in his eyes! If you want to point out that he is wrong, in the event that your man really wrong, then do it gently and without reproach. Well, give your man the right to be the main leader in your relationship! Feed his faith in yourself with your admiration and support in any life situation.
In the bed
It just so happened that for women the concept of "he cares about me" includes such a spectrum as: meet and see, help with purchases and household chores, give gifts, pay attention, etc. But for a man, the notion that "they take care of him" most often refers to the sphere of sex: she has sex with me with pleasure, does not refuse, referring to being busy and headache, does (with pleasure) a blowjob and most importantly - gets pleasure from sex with me. Many men enjoy sex play. So if you're not averse to playing with your man in them, it's great for both of you!
What other man wants to see his beloved woman?
In any setting - at home, at a party, in a cafe - feminine, charming and kind. But at the same time emotional (not "amoeba"), willing and able to please men. A woman should be tactful and sincere.
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What qualities should a girl have in order to want to marry her? Why is it so difficult for some men to find a life partner? Let's try to shed some light on these mysteries.
It is believed that you and I treat family and marriage issues differently. Like, you start mentally rehearsing a wedding as a child. And we secretly hope that the wedding will soon be canceled altogether, as happened with the alimony (stop - or do you still have to pay?). However, despite the frequent complaints of women that they are always ready to go down the aisle, and all the scoundrels around and do not lead, the situation, in fact, often turns out to be the opposite. It is more difficult for a man to find a mate than a woman.
When a woman reaches puberty, she already has an image of her future husband in her head. How disconnected he is from reality - separate question... But this image is at least CLEAR: the husband must be a) educated, b) blond, c) with glasses, and so on, in all the letters of the alphabet. And what is in the head of men? Solid abstractions: a wife should NOT be a walk, jealous, non-witty, one-legged ...
Men are doomed to dive into the abyss of new relationships, guided by an imprecise, vague description of what they are after all looking for.
It is almost impossible to create a clear portrait using negatives. Therefore, men are doomed to dive into the abyss of new relationships, guided by an inaccurate, vague description of what they are still looking for. For the same reason, they are often disappointed in their chosen ones: they do not initially know what exactly they want.
On the one hand, it's sad. Because it makes life difficult for us. On the other hand, it is convenient. It's easier for you! After all, in order for a man to count you perfect wife, it is enough for you NOT to have some qualities.
Men don't need it
Although these qualities may seem positive to you, a man, if he finds them in you, will probably decide that you are not. future grandmother his grandchildren. And taking you in marriage is not worth it.
Willingness to go to the ends of the world. In the head of any man, only if he is not siamese twin(in this case - in two heads), one day the thought arises: why not give up everything and go to drive a tram. Or: go to Tahiti to paint the natives. Sometimes we even have the stupidity to share these thoughts with our girlfriends. Naive candidates for wives believe that in response to this one should squeak happily: Whatever you decide, my dear, I'm with you! This is the wrong answer !!!
That is, of course, it is nice to know that there are girls in the world who are ready to reject comfort for us and trample on common sense... But we usually do not marry them. And on persons who are practical and devoid of illusions, who answer: Have you gone crazy ?! What will we live on? It is more logical to connect life with a woman who, even if she thinks down to earth, will not run away from home with a rice draftsman herself, succumbing to a momentary impulse.
Sexual submission. We do not dream of marrying life-size puppet who knows how to sculpt dumplings. A woman's readiness to have sex at any time of the day and in any condition is an alarming sign. Sex should happen by mutual desire, only in this case it will be possible to deal with it for years.
And if a partner dives into a maelstrom of passion only under duress and with an appropriate expression on her face, she will not stay in our life for a long time. If a woman cannot say no in response to an uncomfortable offer, if sex is a duty for her (even if it is pleasant), then she does not care own feelings... Dating is so fun, it's impossible to be married. After all, marriage implies, first of all, mutual respect.
Total trust. Worse than all-consuming jealousy can only be her complete absence... If the betrothed says that he is going to meet with his ex, because he last saw her a hundred years ago, even in a strip club, when she worked there, then you should not decide to answer him yourself. Even rubbing the knives pointedly. A woman who can be married must be able to defend her happiness. She will not conceal resentment, revenge, quietly endure, but most importantly, she will not turn a blind eye to the problem. Because total trust does not really exist - this is a beautiful euphemism for indifference, which is unacceptable between spouses.
Eternal discontent. If whining replaces everything else for a woman - looking for a job, craving for self-improvement - this is sure sign the fact that taking her in marriage is not worth it. Moreover, it is dangerous to be dissatisfied not only with a man, but also with oneself. We are ready to provide you with support and lend a shoulder. But you must climb this shoulder yourself. And if all you do is complain about life, bosses, mom, girlfriends, without trying to change something, nothing will come of it. Because being a husband is still okay, but hardly anyone wants to combine this with the responsibilities of a crisis manager.
If you yourself do not know what exactly can please you, then how are you going to teach me to do it?
Self-dislike. I just couldn't find a better euphemism for the monstrous (in a grammatical sense) phrase “no masturbation habit”. Maybe this piece of truth will turn out to be a little bit more bitter than the rest, but yes - men do not like to mess with anorgasmics and women who are embarrassed to explore their bodies.
If you yourself do not know what exactly can please you, then how are you going to teach me to do it? Not going to? Then our relationship is unlikely to last long. Sometimes it is nice to feel like Indiana Jones and go in search of Crystal Delight and Golden Orgasm. But if there is no orgasm, and you didn’t hit something there in order to bring it closer, then it’s rubbish. Relationships will bring displeasure to both me and you. What a wedding there is ...
Equanimity. Men drink often. A little less often - they drink in moderation. It would be good to know in advance how I will behave after going through a crowded party. But no matter what I start to do: sing Leningrad songs in karaoke to the music of ABBA, fight or fall asleep in the toilet, hiding behind the owner's dog - you don't need to close your eyes to this.
A casual friend who value her own reputation is more important than mine can afford to be unperturbed. Future wife- No. Because for her it’s not me that’s disgraceful, but I’m the one that disgraces us. But throwing me a tantrum in public is not worth it. You need to either try to prevent the situation, or arrange for me to drag out the next morning at home. Wife like good boss, always praises in public, and scolds - face to face.
Excessive compassion. Question do you still love me? is one of the three things that a man would like, if possible, never to hear from a woman. Moreover, from the keeper of the hearth. Questions like this (didn't you like it? Why are you so sad today? Was it tasty?) Give you a casual fellow traveler.
A potential wife doesn't need to ask anything like that. She can read emotions by the grin of her eyebrows and the squint of the gluteal muscles. And she clearly knows: her husband's silence is not yet a signal that something has happened to him. It's just that sometimes men like to be quiet.
Lack of hobbies. Even the most patient of us cannot answer the question are you soon? more than five times a day. And if you call your companion more often, there is a chance that he will change his mind about being your companion and wants to be someone else.
Dissolving in the object of attachment is, of course, great. Sometimes we ourselves are not averse to taking a vacation of falling in love and diving headlong into a new relationship. But we must have guarantees that when the passion has passed and the time comes to emerge, you will not remain at the bottom and will not send us every minute signals from there I miss !, come soon! and where are you ?.
Simply put, a woman should be able to occupy herself with something other than the relationship. Then it will be easier for her to oppose something to the vacuum that will inevitably replace falling in love and non-stop sex. What kind of hobby it will be - shopping with friends, yoga or stuffing toys with umbilical felt - is not so important. The main thing is that the man does not flinch every time the phone rings, and does not look for a non-maternal rhyme to the question where are you ?. And then we will all be happy.
As a rule, marriages either very early or late break up more often. Probably everyone understands why this happens to young families. It is clear that due to lack of experience.
Late marriages are the opposite. Having not a small amount of experience in a relationship, both women and men begin to compare each of their partners with the previous one.
Or, even worse, they come up with the ideal of a husband or wife, and look for an exclusively similar person. Therefore, they criticize their other half, accuse it of "imperfection".
So, what should be a wife and what kind of wife do men want? The answers of the stronger sex surprise with their categorical contradiction. Everyone in their future wife wants to see different character traits, appearance, etc. Typically, men distinguish 3 types of women.
What kind of wives are there
1. "Modest" - obeys her husband, does not make independent decisions.
2. "Bitch" - long-legged, busty, having her own point of view on everything, will never compromise. But these women are usually chosen as mistresses.
3. "Housekeeper" - such a wife sits at home, does household chores, pleases her husband in everything.
But in reality, these are only words. In fact, if a man loves you, then he will be pleased with you with all the shortcomings.
The main thing is to find a common language. To do this, learn to yield to each other.
If your boyfriend is a little proud, then take the first step yourself. Over time, he will appreciate it, and will be able to overcome his pride for your sake.
What an ideal wife should be
There is a secret used by wise women - ideal wives.
In case of minor misunderstandings, it is sometimes worth "succumbing" to a man. Just do not argue, but agree. In this way, you can avoid family scandals and troubles over trifles. And thus a man will feel like the head of the family and the master of the house. But you know who's boss!
More than half of marriages fall apart within the first few years living together... Why is this happening? Whoever you ask, everyone knows the answer to this burning question. The only pity is that almost always they, these answers, are different. Husbands blame wives, wives blame husbands, psychotherapists blame both.
Or maybe, in fact, no one is to blame? Maybe the problems stem from the fact that very often we do not marry real person, and for the way we imagine it - we go beyond the image, for a certain ideal, which in real life turns out to be just a pale reflection of what we dreamed of.
The first months after the wedding everything is great, but when this slight intoxication with happiness passes, reality makes itself felt more and more clearly: it turns out that you did not marry at all the one who just recently brought you flowers every day ... Then problems arise.
Rest assured, your husband almost certainly feels the same way you do. After all, his ideas about you also did not quite coincide with reality ... Are you curious to know how he represented you? What if you try to find out and try to make this ideal come true? Maybe you should try? Especially if this ideal turns out to be close to you yourself ...
There is nothing wrong with this experiment. As you know, our life is a game. A rare woman does not have the makings of an actor, it is in our blood. So why bury natural talent in the ground? Maybe try to use it for peaceful purposes? So, what kind of husbands want to see their wives? Statistical surveys are mixed. Men with persistent contradictions demonstrate a variety of responses, in Once again proving that there are no identical people in the world and everyone has their own "preferences". And although we agree with this, it is nevertheless possible to bring some order to the resulting confusion.
It is quite realistic to single out several types of women, the images of which, like no others, excite the heart and mind of a man. Choose the type that you think your husband wants to see in you, and go! Amazing discoveries await you. You love your husband. Is it possible that you become for him exactly what he wants to see you? Certainly. Just become for him ...
Keeper of the slab. If you believe the statistics, this is exactly what they want to see their wife, if not the majority of men, then at least a significant part of them. Male thinking more conservative than the feminine, therefore such ideas about wives have not undergone significant changes in the minds of husbands over many decades and even centuries.
How to do it. In the mind of your husband, this may mean the following: when he comes home, he always has a delicious lunch or dinner, and a caring wife feeds him and takes care of the house and children, without distracting from the next important things - reading the newspaper and watching on TV football match... In short, the classic "Kirche, Kinder, Kuchen" - church, children and kitchen ...
Well, kids are so kids. In the end, one should not forget that raising offspring is an evolutionarily "assigned" function to a woman. Give your husband the opportunity to experience this important moment for your family.
What happens. If this cute picture painted in the mind's eye of your spouse is close to your heart, great. This means that the ideal of your man's wife coincides with your own ideal. But, while working on it, do not overdo it. Otherwise, the husband may begin to approach this very gas stove only to warm up ... sorry, to warm his hands. For all the other joys in life, he will apply to other addresses ...
Be as imaginative as possible. The main thing is to never stop there. Let something special always await your beloved one at home ... Will you cook cabbage rolls or dumplings today? It is desirable that this special be something more intriguing.
Is it worth it? Are you sure cute everyday household chores are for you? All women are different, and the label that society puts on us in the person of men may not at all correspond to your ideas about yourself. And if so, this “pretense” will not benefit your health or your relationship with your husband.
A mistress. Boredom and monotony are known to be the worst enemy matrimonial relations... According to statistics, it is thanks to boredom that most men go left. Why don't you have your husband walk to the left ... to you? How to do it. Imagine that now, not your husband, but your lover will come to you from work. What then? You will prepare an exquisite dinner, not forgetting about aphrodisiacs, put on the most exquisite lace lingerie, and create an enchanting atmosphere of mystery in your apartment, emphasizing your attractiveness.
When he comes, a sincere smile of joy will appear on your face, and playful lights in your eyes will flash every minute when you look at him. You will not ask him why again he didn’t bring you anything - let stupid wives do it. Your conversations will only be about you two ... Of course, the spouse will be surprised, because he considers you his wife. But you firmly decided to do what you intended ... Therefore, then you will allow him what he wants: who knows, maybe you will like it too? ..
What happens. You should never refuse to experiment, even the most in an unusual way... The results may be the most unexpected, both for you and for him. But you can be sure that after several years of marriage you will see each other in a new way.
Is it worth it? Costs. Try it at least once, and there you might like it. It certainly won't be boring.
Big mommy. Each, the most wonderful man has its own shortcomings. One is a pathological womanizer who cannot imagine his life without constant betrayal. Another in his personal rating puts you in an honorable second place after football (this is best case) ... And the third in his thirty or forty years has not learned to truly be independent. And, besides, he was not psychologically ripe for equal marital relations. Even if he has learned to provide himself financially, then in terms of psychological maturity he may have problems.
If these words fully apply to your husband, then it is likely that his mother was mainly involved in his upbringing, while dad was either absent altogether on the horizon, or did little work with his son and therefore could not convey to him that stereotype of relationships with women. which boys learn primarily from their fathers. In general, for some reason this did not happen, and my mother, as a woman, simply could not teach her son cleanly masculine qualities, such, for example, as independence.
Therefore, such a man can tolerably exist only in a "bundle" with someone, and in his later life he will look for a wife who has taken over the functions of his mother. And, as a rule, he finds it. This is a woman with a strong maternal instinct, when she spends most of her psychological energy on her husband. How all this happens, no one knows for sure, but if you feel that your spouse gravitates towards this type of relationship, perhaps you should be worth something. try ...
How to do it. Darling, did you forget your document folder? Did you take what I cooked for lunch? Did I tell you that Sergey from the marketing department called you yesterday and invited you to his dacha? Are you sure I don't have to go too? Not? Well, as you say ... It seems that someone else called you. When I remember, I'll call you at work ...
What happens. Trust that you have chosen the right style of behavior. Because if you made a mistake, or over time your husband "outgrew" mommy and he no longer needs her ...
Is it worth it? How long will you be able to play this role? A woman who, for some reason, cannot express her maternal instinct on children, brings it down on her husband. Are you capable of this? And is it worth it to do this? Delighted. There are men who are not self-confident enough and suffer from their own low self-esteem.
They constantly, consciously or not, compare themselves with other men, and very often these comparisons are not in their favor. And therefore, men of this type are looking for such a woman for whom the husband is God, and who will never question his dignity and will only emphasize them, and will perceive all the shortcomings of a spouse only as a continuation of his merits. Such a woman will not even stutter about the shortcomings. About whatever ...
How to do it. And how did you not notice before what a real treasure your husband is? He is so hard-working and caring, he presents you with flowers on March 8 every year! And how he loves his daughter: when they play together, her fervent laughter does not stop for a minute. And if someone says something bad about him, it is, of course, out of envy: very few people in this life manage to marry such a nugget ...
You don't need to invent anything: just sing about what you see. And if you have enough patience, it will gradually become a habit. Show with all your appearance how proud you are of your husband and how wonderful he is. But in no case do not overdo it with praise: very often men of this type subtly feel the slightest flattery, and if your faithful finds you for forgery, trouble is inevitable.
What happens. Have you married a complete nonentity? Unlikely. As you praise him, you will be surprised to find that much of what you started praising him for is pretty close to the truth. And if, in communicating with the child or in expressing his love for you, the spouse is still far from perfect - praise him ten times more for it: the results, you can be sure, will not keep you waiting long.
Is it worth it? There are people who are activated by praise: they work on themselves, try to get rid of shortcomings. That is, you praise them, and they improve before our eyes. Others, on the contrary, can be made to work only by driving them into stress. In other words, negative stimulation acts better on them, for example, ultimatums like “If you don’t learn ..., then I ...” belongs to the second group. So take pity on your nerves and stop pampering him. Little by little.
His property. Some potential husbands choose such women as their wives, with whom they can feel their power over them. As a rule, in relation to other people, they are the same strong-willed, domineering, therefore, as a rule, they achieve great success in life - good financial situation and high social status.
How to do it. The maximum success in this role is achieved with the minimum cost. Of course, if the psychology of blind obedience is close to you like no other ...
No problem. No fantasy. No own thoughts... Your husband will think, decide and act for you.
What happens. Unless your husband needs Big Mom, he will probably get a taste of it pretty quickly. And he will feel like a real master, master of the family. Another question is, how will you feel yourself?
Is it worth it? It will take some time, and perhaps it will even bring you a kind of pleasure. But practice shows that the payment for this dubious pleasure, when you are not responsible for anything, has to be paid very high. Do you still remember this word - "self-esteem"? Remember? Weird. With this style of behavior, you should have forgotten it already. However, just like the phrases "girlfriends and friends", "self-confidence" and "freedom to do what you want." But then don't be surprised when after a while you still have to learn them again. Is it worth it now to take a step back, so that later with hard work come back?
Unpredictable. It's no secret that in fact any person likes people who are similar to himself. Likewise, some men prefer such women, some of whose traits are close to them. For example, if one of these traits is unpredictability, in good sense this word. Monotony is terribly tiring and boring at the same time. And what it leads to, we already know. So why not try to be spontaneous?
How to do it. Is he expecting you to want to go to a restaurant today? And you propose to go to an amusement park - to ride the rides. Ask to buy you cotton candy and visit all the attractions together. How long has it been since the last time? And with your husband? And the next day you are just a hard-working housewife who this time asks her husband to bring home a couple of bundles of asparagus or some avocado ...
On the third day, you ... however, you yourself will have to come up with something new. Develop your imagination - now you really need it, because the main motto of this “role” is “every subsequent day to be different from yesterday”.
What happens. He will never know what you throw in next moment... Intrigue, so you twist what you need. Another thing is that someone will like such an intrigue, but someone will not.
Is it worth it? In fact, a very risky method. Few of the men will fully enjoy it. Especially if it goes on constantly, day in and day out. The only thing that can be safely guaranteed to your dear spouse is that he will not be bored in any case ... And this is already a lot!
By herself. This is probably the most difficult role to play. Probably because the best of them all possible scenarios you yourself must write for it. But here's the bad luck: until now you have not had time for this work ... Probably because we are not used to showing ourselves to others, and to ourselves - not good and not bad, but just the way we are.
How to do it. And how to do this, you can understand and implement only yourself, and no one else. Feel what you really want, and do not hesitate to admit it. You used to be a lover for your husband, but now let him become a lover for you.
Listen to yourself. Maybe you are missing something? It's not a shame to ask, just take what you want and you will be rewarded. You can become anything to him, but you have to be an individual. Anyway. You are special, let your husband know it now. Didn't he deserve it? And you yourself?
What happens. It all depends on you. But practice shows that whatever you do, it will only be better for you. At first, your husband may not accept you in a new "guise", but then both of you will only get better. Because even the most wonderful mistress will ever get bored, and a wife who is not like anyone else will never. And so the question "Is it worth it?" will disappear by itself. How bad mask that is no longer needed.