Is loneliness so scary or is there any benefit from it? Is loneliness so scary: what to do with it and when it is useful

Scientists say that loneliness is just as dangerous to health as smoking. Developed countries are already sounding the alarm, and the UK even created a Minister for Loneliness this year. Is loneliness really dangerous and what benefits can be derived from it, the editors of the Moscow 24 portal tried to figure it out.

The world's first Minister for Loneliness came into being as recently as January, at the initiative of Theresa May, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. The post was established, among other things, as a tribute to the work of the Labor Party Jo Cox, who led the commission on loneliness and was killed in 2016. There are 9 million people in the country who often or constantly experience feelings of loneliness, and about 200,000 elderly people have not spoken to friends or relatives for more than a month.

The UK is not alone in this statistic: in Japan, there is even a separate term for a lonely, unnoticed death - "kokodushi". As a result of ever-increasing social exclusion, more and more elderly Japanese die alone at home each year.

Numerous studies show that loneliness is really dangerous for health even more than smoking and obesity. This means that a secluded lifestyle not only affects the psyche, contributing to the appearance of depression, but also directly harms it. physical condition(Statistically, single people move less, eat less, suffer more from heart disease, and generally have lower immunity.) At the same time, well-established social connections able halve the risk of early death. True, all this refers specifically to forced loneliness, isolation from society. But it's not a secret for anyone - a feeling of loneliness can also occur among those who at first glance are surrounded by friends and relatives.

According to practicing psychologist Alexander Kuznetsov, if forced loneliness, in the long term threatening the health of people and their lives (for example, in the case of the elderly), or with aurophobia (a psychological disorder characterized by fear of loneliness), a person is not able to cope with his condition, then in most cases the fear or the very feeling of loneliness that is experienced person living in big city, you can fight on your own.

First of all, you need to understand the root of the problem - here we most often encounter two cases: in the first, a person has a limited social circle or he is dissatisfied with him, in the second, a person, on the contrary, is constantly surrounded by friends and acquaintances, and any need for solitude causes him psychological discomfort .

In the first case, the key to resolving the problem is to become aware of your situation, taking a sober look at the problem and assessing its possible consequences. You do not have the ability to support in Hard time acquaintances, you can’t expand your social circle, make friends? Awareness of the problem is already the first step on the path to change, giving rise to motivation. And the decision comes to a motivated person, as a rule, by itself. You need to overcome your fear of new contacts. Consider the worst that could happen to you when you step out of your comfort zone. Is it really worse possible consequences loneliness? Set a specific goal for yourself and take the initiative over your own life in your own hands. And don't be discouraged by failures - they shouldn't demotivate you. Work on yourself - learn to listen, think positively, compromise, not judge. Learn flexibility - all this is achievable at any age. And if it doesn’t work out, you can always contact a psychologist or the Moscow Service psychological help to the public, where you will be helped completely free of charge. The main thing is not to lock yourself in.

By the way, the Minister for Solitude is not the only unusual minister in the world. For example, in Bhutan, which according to statistics has 97% happy people, there is a whole ministry of happiness. It is worth noting that in this happy country cigarettes are not sold, they hardly watch TV, they do not kill animals and do not cut down forests.

Bhutan's example was followed by India and the United United Arab Emirates– they also organized their own ministries of happiness. True, in the ranking of the happiest countries, the northern and economically prosperous Norway, Denmark, Iceland, Switzerland and Finland still lead.

Another unusual ministry is the Ministry of Ayurveda, Yoga, Naturopathy, Yunani, Siddha and Homeopathy, which appeared in India in 2014 to promote national medical practices and yoga.

But in Japan there is a "minister of toilets". True, this is more of a comic position - this is the name of Minister Haruki Arimura, responsible for empowering women. Able to determine body temperature and weight, as well as take tests, Japanese toilets are the subject of cult and pride of the Country rising sun, which often leaves more impressions for visiting tourists than all of its ancient culture.

The second case in Lately occurs more and more frequently. Social media and Internet communication develop and nourish the illusion of constant "connection" to a community of many people who follow each other's lives and successes. At the same time, they develop in a person an unhealthy dependence on others. Many begin to feel uncomfortable in their own company, confusing solitude with loneliness.

It is important to understand here: solitude is not a source of sadness, but an opportunity spiritual development, a chance to be alone with yourself, to understand yourself, to establish a dialogue with yourself. People are afraid of loneliness when they are dependent on other people and cannot compensate for their absence with their own internal resources.

The ability to feel self-sufficient in solitude is one of the key qualities developed personality. Periodic loneliness is not only normal, but necessary. If a person does not feel comfortable on his own, he needs to work on his dependence on the outside world and learn to get more satisfaction from the inner world. This is largely facilitated by reading - it helps to develop fantasy and imagination, reduce the need for constant communication with other people.

"Usually we get energy from the outside, but it can just as well be drawn from within ourselves. Give yourself time to think, be alone with yourself in peace and quiet. Learn to observe and notice details, admire nature. Discover your own inner world and get used to it - so your best friend and the interlocutor will always be with you," adds Kuznetsov.

Another lovely way become more self-sufficient - creativity. Not a single person who is absorbed in creativity experiences a feeling of loneliness. Find a hobby, learn to switch from the outside world to the inside if necessary, enjoy the internal dialogue - this will help you become not only a more self-sufficient person in emotionally, but also to open the outside world from a new perspective.

By the way, in Russia they can also establish a ministry of loneliness. Not so long ago, the chairman of the upper house of parliament, Valentina Matvienko, did not rule out such a possibility, noting that "against the background modern development society, loneliness is one of the most big problems for a person."

Quite often, guys and girls hear that they are not left alone. They must be with someone, have a relationship, not be alone. However, often love relationships break up, and the guy remains lonely. Here arises the fear of this "beast", which society does not encourage. But is he really that scary?

Many people are afraid of their loneliness. However, they do not understand one thought: while they are afraid, they go deeper into their condition. It happens that a person gets so used to living in his loneliness that even in a relationship he continues to be lonely. Psychologists offer to calmly relate to the fact that a guy can be both in a relationship with a girl and lonely. This is definitely nothing to be afraid of.

How to love your loneliness?

Not always a person can be near a loved one. There are relationships where two partners feel lonely. The fact of having a loved one does not mean that you will not be bored in a relationship, as you do when you are alone. This means that you already have something to love your loneliness for - because you are bored alone, and not together.

How to love your loneliness? You just need to stop treating him like a poor condition of your life. Modern society on all corners says that you need to have a loved one. But this is a stereotype. First, you can't force yourself to love the first person you meet just to build a relationship with someone. Secondly, you are free to live alone, if it is convenient for you. As people think, so let them live themselves. And you are allowed to live as you please.

Treat your loneliness as a reason for not wanting to associate fate with the first applicant that comes across.

In your loneliness, it is not important whether you have a soulmate or not. For you, the main thing should be how you feel about your condition. The main thing is not how people feel about your loneliness, but how you yourself feel about it. If you feel calm and comfortable, then why change anything? You don't have to live like everyone else if it's good for you to live the way you live now.

How to love your loneliness? It is easier to do this after you are sure that your condition is beneficial. Which one? For example, you can take time for yourself, your friends, do things you love, travel, etc. You can do whatever you want and do not take into account someone else's desires and abilities. You wanted - and immediately began to do. Only a single (he is free) person can afford this.

Now imagine that you are next to a partner who cannot support your interests. You need to either consider his opinion or quarrel with him in order to allow yourself the realization of your desires. Why such difficulties if you are single and can afford everything?

No need to become an ardent admirer of a lonely existence. You are invited to love your loneliness only in order not to suffer until you meet your loved one. You can live and be happy being alone and then meet a partner you truly love. Then you will have other worries - how to build harmonious and strong relationships?

Look for pluses and real opportunities not only in, but also in your own loneliness.

Are you suffering from loneliness? It is unlikely that any woman will be interested in you if you are angry and mischievous. Loneliness is not a vice, but a temporary condition. Note that you have had similar periods more than once, which always stopped with the advent of a new partner. Why suffer if this is a passing state?

There is nothing wrong with being alone. This is the period when you can take inventory of everything: feelings, emotions, your appearance, character, etc. You can finally get rid of the unnecessary and leave only what makes you happy. You can take it easy, be yourself, bring appearance in order, etc.

Try to live alone as if you were in a loving relationship. Do whatever you would do if you were in union with your loved one. Don't wait for a partner to show up. Already be happy and complete, as if you have everything you need. Already live as if you were in a relationship with a woman.

Try to make a holiday out of your loneliness. This is the same natural period in life as the presence love relationship. Remember, even in a union, sometimes you want to be alone, relax, calm down, come to your senses. Accept personal loneliness with gratitude, because you can finally devote time to yourself and do what is interesting. Be yourself, calm down, get busy interesting things and be happy as if you have everything you need. Soon a loved one will join you. Moreover, it will correspond more to your ideal ideas about a partner than it would happen if you suffered and tied your happy life only with the presence of a loved one in it.

The joy of being alone

A person is often unhappy in his loneliness. This is accepted in a society that says that a person should communicate with his own kind and only then will he be able to comprehend joy. That is why a person is afraid to be alone with himself: he does not know how to be happy in solitude, therefore he strives for people who will save him from unpleasant thoughts.

But a person needs to be happy on his own. If, being alone or even among people, he experiences joy without any incentives and reasons, without anyone's help, then he seems to be saying to others and the world: “I am happy anywhere. I am happy both among people and at home in solitude. A person smiles because his soul smiles, he knows himself and is not afraid of this knowledge, he feels his inner joy or not joy and reacts according to his feelings.

A person who is happy on his own does not depend on anyone, but only on himself. If they say a bad word to him, he will not be offended, if he hears criticism addressed to him, he may listen, but will not be upset. None external factors, emanating from other people, the weather associated with work and other things, will not have an impact on the emotional and sensual state of a person. And all this is due to the fact that a person who is happy in himself depends on inner harmony, thoughts and state of his soul and mind. For those people whose mood jumps twenty times a day, their inner self-awareness depends on what happens during outside world: where they are, who they communicate with, what people think about them, etc.

The joy of loneliness lies in the fact that or unhappy in itself. He does not depend on whether he is in the circle of friends, whether he has a loved one, whether colleagues respect him and how he looks in the eyes of others. A person feels internally in high spirits, his thoughts and feelings mutually support each other, allowing him to feel joy.

The same mechanism operates here as with a person who is depressed, regardless of whether he is alone or in the company of people. Thoughts, self-perception, inner mood and other factors make a person depressed. He can smile, but not for long, laugh a little, but then quickly return to his internal state despite the fact that he is surrounded by dear people.

A person who is happy in himself feels inner joy in any place, in any team and under any circumstances. But only the person himself can choose what his inner mood will be - depression or happiness.

How do you make the best use of your alone time?

A person very often finds himself in a state where he is bored, lonely, has nothing to do. Either this is due to the destruction of love relationships, or with dismissal or loss of work, or simply with the fact that all things have been done and now there is free time with nothing to do. How not to be bored, but productively and usefully spend the time of your loneliness, regardless of the reasons for which it arose?

1. Take care of your development.

Take the time to improve yourself: become more beautiful, well-groomed, well-read, smart, happy, healthy, etc. In fact, a person has something to work on. Everyone has flaws and weak sides that need to be changed. You can pay attention this issue in order to somehow eliminate their weaknesses in personality.

1. Set clear criteria for what you want to have in the future.

Most often, a person is bored because he does not have any plans and goals for the future. Anyone who wants something from life simply does not have free time, because he always has worries that he must solve or fulfill in order to achieve his desired goals. The one who does not have any desires simply does not have any worries, therefore he is bored and suffers from idleness.

Set clear criteria for yourself about what you want to have in the future, because sometimes people have some desires, but they are so blurry and superficial that they themselves cannot imagine how they should be realized and present in their lives. To achieve something, you need to imagine your goal in detail. Once this is achieved, you simply will not have free time until you achieve the realization of your desires.

1. Loneliness is the fruit of your own actions.

Don't complain or be offended. Everything you have in life is the fruit of your actions, desires and thoughts. Rather, love and enjoy your loneliness, which gives you the opportunity to live the way you want. Do not complain, take responsibility for everything that happens! Know that loneliness becomes unbearable because the person himself does not understand the value of this state.

If you are single, it means that the people around you do not put pressure on you with their desires, requirements, restrictions and rules. They left you alone. And you have the opportunity to live, do and do what you are interested in (not for someone else, but for you personally). You can finally be yourself, do interesting things for yourself, start living the way you want, and not someone else. See the value of loneliness, which allows you to finally live for the sake of your desires, and not constantly experience the pressure of others who want to force you to do what they want, without considering your interests.

In fact, loneliness is natural phenomenon for any person, because we are separate from other people. We are already essentially loners, no matter how hard we try to get closer to others. Therefore, with your state of isolation and separateness, it’s time to become a habit, which is similar to breaking the “umbilical cord with your mother”, when you realize that you are a whole and separate person from another person.

In my work, I often face such a problem as the fear of loneliness. Sometimes this state is very strong, and it leads to the fact that a person begins to endure a lot and for a long time in relationships, give up his own interests, hide those aspects of his personality that, in his opinion, can “turn away” his friends, colleagues, relatives, as well as stick out those that, as it seems to him, will make him more attractive, valuable, important to others. And the stronger this fear, the more pronounced dependence on relationships with others.

Sometimes this dependence becomes so strong that we are no longer talking about happiness, well-being and comfort - a person finds himself in a situation “on the verge of survival”. As, for example, in cases when, seized by a wild fear of loneliness, he accepts any conditions from his partner - he tolerates him bad temper, beatings, drug addiction, alcoholism, various humiliations. Either he is afraid to defend himself and his positions, enter into confrontation and dialogue with another, does not risk asking questions that are important to him if he assumes that the partner will not like them. At the same time, he completely refuses to satisfy his own needs and interests.

And that's not all. Very often, in order for a partner to “not run away” from a relationship, a person, seized by the fear of loneliness, binds him to himself in every possible way with the help of various manipulations, such as increased care, guardianship, satisfaction of all human needs on the one hand, and constant persuasion his is that without his guardian he will not cope, will not survive, will die. Of course, not everyone gives in, but there is a certain category of people who not only give in, but also look for such relationships.

Unfortunately, this category includes people who prefer to depend on others and not solve their problems on their own, because “they can’t do it”, “they themselves can’t”, “they don’t have so much intelligence, health, education, money, opportunities”, etc. Accordingly, they strive for such a relationship, where the partner would take over, if not all of their problems, then at least most of them. Thus, the strategy “I will give you everything I can, as long as you are with me” leads to a serious skewed relationship. One is investing too much, and the other is investing too little. And the one who so desperately needs a relationship just to “not be alone” often ends up disappointed and devastated as a result. And do not think that someone who invests too little does not have them - as a rule, such people complain about excessive pressure, claims, control, and even that they did not receive everything that their partner promised them.

A relationship in which one is always giving and the other is only receiving is by no means complete. Sooner or later, resentment, irritation and anger will accumulate in the giver. But he will begin to express his claims to his partner only when the discomfort and dissatisfaction with his personal life become "more" than the fear of loneliness.

And thus, it turns out that this notorious fear of loneliness is very harmful to the person suffering from it. After all, if he disappears, along with him the constant betrayal of himself and his own interests will go away - then there will be no need to pretend to others, put their desires above your own, turn a blind eye to discomfort in relationships, be silent when you want to say “no”, constantly torment and to remake oneself to please others, so long as they do not “leave”. A person who is not afraid of loneliness and knows how to live well and happily in it, with highly likely will prefer and choose those relationships in which he receives more than in his happy single life. And accordingly, the less he knows how to make his life happy and comfortable without another, the more stringent conditions for himself he will agree to in a relationship.

Why are we afraid of loneliness.

Then why is everything the way it is? Why very bad relationship for many of us is it better than a very good loneliness?

In order to understand this, you need to remember how a child grows and develops. Initially, for the baby there is no other world than the mother. Mom is everything for him - food, warmth, communication, boundaries. Where there is no mother, there is nothing - there is only fear and horror. And this normal process development, due to the complete defenselessness of the baby - he cannot do anything himself. In the future, the child grows up and it seems that this implies gaining greater independence.

But this is not always the case. Very often, parents line up with the child extremely dependent relationship. Whether for the best of intentions, or from personal ideas, or because of their own fear of loneliness, they insist that the child do, choose, want, and even think what they accept.

There is a huge arsenal of methods for suppressing independence, ranging from force-feeding to a system of punishments, reproaches and accusations for those offenses that parents consider serious (each family has its own). In this case, the child is often given minimal freedom of choice.

It is clear that this system has its own reasons - it is the parent who is responsible for the child and becomes his guide to society and adulthood. And if parents do not teach their child that there are restrictions, rules and responsibilities in the world, they will be waiting for him in the future. serious problems. But, unfortunately, in many families educational process is built not on the principles of democracy, but on the principles of dictatorship.

Democracy in the family is a system in which each family member has his own interests, desires and needs, as well as responsibilities, and if they do not coincide, you can and should discuss the situation and negotiate, that is, learn to defend yourself and your interests, taking into account the interests of others. . At the same time, it is assumed that there are family members endowed with more power and freedom of choice than others (children, for example) - but not because they are the smartest, but because they have a great responsibility.

Under a dictatorship in the family, there is only one important opinion - this is the opinion of the parents, and maybe even one of the parents. The wishes and needs of other family members are not taken into account.

How can a child survive if he lives "in a dictatorship"? To survive, he must listen not to himself, but to those on whom his life depends - mom and dad. If suddenly some of his needs run counter to the needs of mom and dad, in this situation it is more profitable for him to refuse them. So gradually, year after year, parents teach their child to listen and hear themselves as little as possible and look at others as much as possible. After all, it is from them, others, and not from himself, that his happiness and prosperity depend. First - from the parents, and then .... And then you need to urgently find from whom. And thus, a new citizen of society emerges into external life — he knows how to orient himself to others, but he does not know how to orient himself to himself.
Psychologist, Gestalt therapist, Alexandra Alekseeva

Loneliness is about everyone. It overtakes someone in a circle loving family, someone else in childhood, when mom was late at work, and someone else, when no one came to the rescue. We are all afraid of lonely old age, we are afraid of not finding a partner with whom we can meet it. Each of us comes into this world alone, and leaves alone, we will never achieve maximum intimacy with anyone. Why are we afraid of loneliness, why do we run away from it like that? Why can't we accept the inevitable?

What is loneliness?

The famous American psychiatrist Irvin Yalom considered the fear of isolation (loneliness) to be one of the main existential fears. He divided isolation into three types: interpersonal, intrapersonal and existential.

Interpersonal isolation - isolation from other individuals. That is, contact with another person may be hindered by geolocation, the inability to build social contacts, conflicting feelings towards intimacy.

Intrapersonal isolation is one of the most difficult to understand and accept by the personality itself. It occurs when a person suppresses his own desires and feelings. Usually this occurs in childhood, parents often impose their own desires and attitudes on their children. This can be observed in such trifles as the choice of clothes, which sections to go to, with whom to be friends, and in other much more serious things - entering a university, choosing a partner, finding a job. When a child grows up, he no longer understands what he really wants, and what his parents want.

Existential isolation is connected with the very fact of existence. This is the separation of man from the world, this abyss cannot be overcome in any way. The awareness of death makes a person fully feel his loneliness.

Why does loneliness cause fear?

Surely no one would have agreed to the fate of " last person on the ground". Although in this case there are no restrictions that are usually found in a civilized society. In theory, being alone with himself, a person receives complete freedom, but for some reason, having received this freedom, he still strives to become a member of the group. And often it does not matter what role is assigned in this society, anyway, the main thing is belonging to someone.

Perhaps the point here is that we all have socialization, each of us grew up surrounded by people. Others satisfy not only the function of communication, but also the function of cognition, that is, by contacting different personalities, we better understand and recognize ourselves.

Loneliness in relationships

Often, after a break in relations, after some short time, a person finds a new partner. Many people are only chasing not to be “alone”. Because of this, selectivity in partners is reduced, and relationships are not always pleasant. This race for relationships may arise precisely because it is difficult for a person to be alone with himself. He is not just afraid of loneliness, he is afraid of meeting with himself. No matter how paradoxical it may sound, but many have never been alone with themselves. A person, this is especially characteristic of Russia, from parental family immediately passes into his own, which he created, or there are constant throwing from one relationship to another. And there is absolutely no time to be alone, to think about your experiences, to reflect. Someone is simply afraid to see their own inside out, and relationships, as it were, set off what is hidden inside. The game of "hide and seek" can go on for a long time, but sooner or later it will have to stop.

There are also many stereotypes associated with single women. A 30-year-old woman “should” be ashamed of being alone, condemnation can come from relatives and colleagues. Success and women's "happiness" is the creation of a family and the birth of children. This stereotype is due to the fact that there is a distribution of roles in society, and a woman is assigned the role of a “keeper of the hearth”, girls are brought up in traditional patriarchal families. But the world is changing, women already have the opportunity to choose and be successful in the field in which they wish. And the loneliness personal life always fix it.

As Erich Fromm said, in order to achieve maximum intimacy with another person, you must first know yourself, become a mature person. Therefore, it is absolutely not necessary to enter into dependent relationships with other people in order to feel not alone, it is enough to become interesting for yourself, then the feeling of loneliness will not come up.

Loneliness ... it comes to every woman at one time ... separation from a loved one, divorce from her husband, departure of grown-up children from home, loss of a loved one, moving to another country, life without a man and a child - all this often leads a woman to feel that she is completely alone, and sometimes she feels lonely even in the company of people, when there is a husband, and children, and work, but inside it is somehow empty and dreary ...

Very often, the astrological period of Saturn or Ketu leads a woman to a feeling of loneliness. Saturn usually just takes away what we are attached to, leaving us alone. And Ketu closes a person inside. Often during the Ketu period, my clients were forced to move to a city with poor communication, a small population, where they lived as if in a hermitage.
It comes to someone late, and someone gets to know him at all. young age, but whenever it comes, most of us invariably fear it!

Women are afraid of loneliness, because by nature we are more sociable and social, we feel people well, understand their desires, hints and views, but at the same time we desperately do not want to look into our hearts and our souls ...

“I feel lonely, useless…” is a very common request for psychological therapy.

How to deal with loneliness?

"I'm afraid of loneliness..."

"I don't want to be alone..."

"I'm afraid I'll be alone for the rest of my life..."

What is so terrible about being alone for a woman, since she is so desperately running away from him?

Thoughts. When we are left alone with our personality, the first thing that happens is thoughts. All sorts of different thoughts: exciting, anxious, sad, full of self-pity (“No one needs me ...”) or even despair. Thoughts that can lead to nervous breakdown And mental disorder. We do not have the habit of thinking well, we have been hammered into other scenarios since childhood. Remember: “If you do this, then no one will marry you”, “If you behave like this, then no one will need you”? If loneliness is associated with the departure of a man, then there is also speculation and winding up about how good he is now, or something even worse.

Fear of the unknown. Most women do not have the experience of living alone. First they live with their parents, then with their husbands. And when a period of loneliness comes, and it comes to everyone, then the woman is afraid, because she does not even know what to do and how to live now. Very often, a woman is not even afraid of the departure of a man, but another life with a different life without someone nearby! One client of mine said that when her husband packed up and left, she felt numb and terrified. We began to work with this situation and returned to that moment. And I asked: “Are you afraid now. Let's look at this fear. What is this fear? What are you really afraid of?" and then she replied, “This fear has nothing to do with a man, I feel that his departure is an important and necessary stage in my life, but this fear is associated with loneliness. I have never lived alone! I don't know how to live alone and what to do! I immediately start to panic at this thought! Such is human nature - we are always afraid of the unknown, even if there is a great blessing behind it!

Meeting with yourself. If you turn off phones, computers, TVs and music, and just stay alone with yourself, then inevitably you will begin to hear yourself and your true desires, and your deepest intentions. And it's scary. We are so used to living by someone else's rules, pleasing someone, putting up with some strange principles, agreeing with the generally accepted system of life, constantly denying ourselves sincere wishes and intentions that we're just scared later for a long time“switching off” from the true self to re-meet your personality without all this imposed husk. One client and I were dealing with the fear of being alone, and in the course of deep therapy, I asked her: “Why are you afraid of silence and when no one is around?” and she answered, as if from a trance, “Because if it is quiet, then I will hear my real values ​​​​and desires, I will hear my true thoughts.

And I'm afraid that I will want to quit everything, all this pretense and start living differently, as I really want. Julia, I have a responsibility, a husband, a job, I can’t just start living the way I like.” How do you like this phrase: “I can’t just start living the way I like”? By the way, can you? Just the way you like it 😉 At one point, you just have to admit that we know very little about ourselves, we are almost not familiar with our deepest values ​​and true desires. And they inspire fear in us. Being a true self is scary, inside of us sits the wild horror of rejection by society. We are afraid that if we begin to live the way we like, then some important people turn away from us. Therefore, we simply turn away from ourselves, and give our uniqueness as a sacrifice to the tribe of society.

And of course, we are scared… we try to fill this void with music, movies, work, deeds, girlfriends, ministry… anything, just not to hear the cry of the heart that wants to open and bloom…

But loneliness does not come just like that, it is not a disease to be dealt with and not a fear to be overcome. This is an infinitely valuable lesson in real life.

What am I talking about?

Practically in all world religions and spiritual movements there is a practice of hermitage (being alone). In Thailand, for example, children are sent to early age to the temple, and they live there for several years, following the practices and vows. In Buddhism, there is a practice of renunciation, when the adept is immured in a cave for several months. There is also hermitage in Christianity, and many saints became such only after going through the path of hermitage. In the Vedic tradition, this is a self-reliant rule for achieving enlightenment and spiritual perfection.
Hermitage (or life alone) allows a person to meet with himself, to know himself, to reveal his true values, to feel his life path with his heart.

What is the use of loneliness for a woman?

The dharma of a woman is not spiritual perfection and understanding oneself through austerities, but sometimes silence and loneliness helps to remember your real female dharma, that you are a woman, that you have personal goals and personal desires, that you invisible thread connected with God and he guides you.

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